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Annoying status updates...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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“Keep getting messages from single men when our profile clearly says we’re not looking for them. Grrrr!”
Use the message filters and get over yourselves.
“Hey guys, working my way through 368 unread messages. Bear with me!”
Wow! You must be amazing! Oh no wait, EVERY female on here has hundreds of unread messages.
“Wish people would read my profile before messaging me. How hard is it?”
Your profile is a 45 word sentence with no punctuation, numerous spelling errors and very little actual information.
Add your annoyances... |
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"“Mass deletion” is a good one, ha!
Also... “Having a friends clear out”
Well done guys, cool story. Must suck having so many friends. "
If you are in my friend list and we don't meet with a month! You will be deleted !  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Statuses that sat who can come pick me up and take me home or one I saw a couple of weeks ago saying that their profile had been hacked and was going to set a new one up but they haven't  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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""Closing my account Friday"
Why wait? Nobody cares!
"Lady required to keep my hubby company while i work"
Yeah sure *single fella posing as a Couple
"
Hahaha! Yeah, deffo these two.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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“All the women on here are Fridged”
Erm, no they just don’t want to sleep with you.
“Does anyone on here actually meet?”
Yes.
“Any bi females want to meet on Friday?”
Yes, just give me the address.
“I’m so horny for you, I can’t forget last night”
Then I woke up.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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There’s one woman on here who constantly posts about how much in love she is with her boyfriend, lol!
It’s like a besotted teenager’s Facebook status. Makes you question her mental health and if this boyfriend even exists...  |
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"There’s one woman on here who constantly posts about how much in love she is with her boyfriend, lol!
It’s like a besotted teenager’s Facebook status. Makes you question her mental health and if this boyfriend even exists... "
There are a lot of people on Fab whose reasoning and motives are dubious. |
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I'm going to so and so look out - Why what's going to happen? Your going to have a drink and spill ya chips and curry sauce that's all.
Then another reminder for us: Things are going to get messy he he.
Yep, I bet you leave your chips on the floor instead of picking them up.
You know who you are - here you go have a medal, you've been in boxing him before, probably after aswell.
Blah de blah moan moan your getting blocked - he can no longer read this status.
Looking for a well muscled, handsome, toned god of a bloke - even though I'm a minger.
Where have all the nice men gone - you get out what you put in.
Going shopping - Tell facebook
Why do men.......? - your not interested when you get told through a message.
just done 40 minutes in the gym - wait there I'm printing you a certificate.
Any kind of repeat of a message they don't like - we are sorry about what happened behind closed doors, but we don't really care.
Guys, put some effort in, I want to be spoiled - don't take the piss it's a two way thing.
If you message send a face pic - where's yours? 99% of the time the message gets deleted.
Looking for a sugar daddy.
Skint and available - Well if you want to suck my cock I'll pay my own petrol.
I could go on, they are my biggest gripe
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"“All the women on here are Fridged”
Fridged? I thought that only happens when you die  
You open them up and the light comes on."
COLD hearted bitches, the lot of 'em  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"“All the women on here are Fridged”
Fridged? I thought that only happens when you die
You open them up and the light comes on."
Did someone mislay a torch ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"“Keep getting messages from single men when our profile clearly says we’re not looking for them. Grrrr!”
Use the message filters and get over yourselves.
“Hey guys, working my way through 368 unread messages. Bear with me!”
Wow! You must be amazing! Oh no wait, EVERY female on here has hundreds of unread messages.
“Wish people would read my profile before messaging me. How hard is it?”
Your profile is a 45 word sentence with no punctuation, numerous spelling errors and very little actual information.
Add your annoyances..."
OP this has genuinely made me laugh!
Especially point 3 
MrsK x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"“Keep getting messages from single men when our profile clearly says we’re not looking for them. Grrrr!”
Use the message filters and get over yourselves.
“Hey guys, working my way through 368 unread messages. Bear with me!”
Wow! You must be amazing! Oh no wait, EVERY female on here has hundreds of unread messages.
“Wish people would read my profile before messaging me. How hard is it?”
Your profile is a 45 word sentence with no punctuation, numerous spelling errors and very little actual information.
Add your annoyances..."
“This site isn’t full of ignorant people”
Na....you’re just a fanny!
“Met the one....just chatting!l”
Umm get off fab then!!! |
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By *iss SJWoman
over a year ago
Hull |
"“Keep getting messages from single men when our profile clearly says we’re not looking for them. Grrrr!”
Use the message filters and get over yourselves.
“Hey guys, working my way through 368 unread messages. Bear with me!”
Wow! You must be amazing! Oh no wait, EVERY female on here has hundreds of unread messages.
“Wish people would read my profile before messaging me. How hard is it?”
Your profile is a 45 word sentence with no punctuation, numerous spelling errors and very little actual information.
Add your annoyances...
“This site isn’t full of ignorant people”
Na....you’re just a fanny!
“Met the one....just chatting!l”
Umm get off fab then!!!"
How about:
‘Met the one....just chatting
Hi
Faf?’ |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"Wait lets start from this point, the ladies that say they get messages that upset them, my question is when you joined the site, what were you actually looking for?"
Not those kind of messages evidently. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thank you for a mind blowing time. You know who you are.
If they know who they are, why are you telling them. Surely you would have said it to them in person.
Mother Nature is a bitch.
Thanks just what I need when I’m eating my corn flakes.
Ran out of messages. Will reply tomorrow.
Stop being a tight c#*t and pay the £5.
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"Sorry guys, I've run out of messages - anyone want to sub me?". Ummm, no.
"Female not playing at the mo, but male has a seriously hard cock that needs sucking - any offers?". Look at that queue forming!
Anyone that is asking for drugs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Need to unload... anyone wanna suck my dick?"
And, my ultimate gripe.....
"Me and two more lads B29 area anyone wanna meet got sniff and smoke, will treat you real good"
EWWWWWW just NO! |
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"Thanks for last night, year etc - you don't know who you are (you don't exist).
Is the woman next door begging me for it!? (A restraining order).
He he I like these "
I like the "you know who you are...| ones too - yeah love, so does everybody else because underneath
"[profile] published a new verification"
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Yea defo the "you know who you are..." ones...and ANY kinda Facebookesk(it SHOULD be a word) shit...who gives a fuck what yer having for dinner/watching on telly/going to see/state your in.....bla de fkin bla......And breath.  |
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'not meeting for sex now due to being treated so bad'
next day, 'had best meet and sex ever, can't wait until next time'
next day 'men on here treat me like a whore, i am leaving this site'
next day 'just been talking to the most amazing guy, meeting later he is a real gent'
next day 'so another arsehole just wanted me for sex' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"'not meeting for sex now due to being treated so bad'
next day, 'had best meet and sex ever, can't wait until next time'
next day 'men on here treat me like a whore, i am leaving this site'
next day 'just been talking to the most amazing guy, meeting later he is a real gent'
next day 'so another arsehole just wanted me for sex'"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"'not meeting for sex now due to being treated so bad'
next day, 'had best meet and sex ever, can't wait until next time'
next day 'men on here treat me like a whore, i am leaving this site'
next day 'just been talking to the most amazing guy, meeting later he is a real gent'
next day 'so another arsehole just wanted me for sex'
"
next day all of the above.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I first joined fab, over a year ago, there was a woman that was leaving every other day.. Now that I'm back, one year later, she's still leaving every other day!?
JUST GO ALREADY!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If they know you're straight they'll still change they're arm just like we all change girls that not looking single men it's just hoping someone might she ahh he's nice I'll try it once  |
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Does nobody meet! It's supposed to be a sex site!!! To those meeting me at Greggs today, I hope you struggled on your sausage rolls - 10 meet no shows in an afternoon. Why do I bother! Still horny if anybody - no offers refused - wants it. Genuine only, not hard-up. |
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"'not meeting for sex now due to being treated so bad'
next day, 'had best meet and sex ever, can't wait until next time'
next day 'men on here treat me like a whore, i am leaving this site'
next day 'just been talking to the most amazing guy, meeting later he is a real gent'
next day 'so another arsehole just wanted me for sex'"
I think I know this person! |
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"'not meeting for sex now due to being treated so bad'
next day, 'had best meet and sex ever, can't wait until next time'
next day 'men on here treat me like a whore, i am leaving this site'
next day 'just been talking to the most amazing guy, meeting later he is a real gent'
next day 'so another arsehole just wanted me for sex'
I think I know this person!"
ha ha well its one of my favourite things to look out for on FAB, i missed out the ' this site is not for me' at least once a week lol |
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'wont show pics because of my job'
Cearly means: 'I am so recognisable that even without showing my face the world will know who I am'. Hmmm, that or simply too lazy to take & edit a few photos.
'Hope you like my profile'
but has no pics...erm, you really expect a reply?
'Hope you like my profile'
but has only one grainy cock pic...erm, you really expect a reply?
'Hope you like my profile'
but has only two grainy cock pics...erm, you really expect a reply?
'Hope you like my profile'
but has only three grainy cock pics...erm, you get the picture.
Well maybe not.....!!!!!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My favourite? A lady in her 50s in south east area..very attractive..but oh christ " uniform please!! Squaddies esp !!"
Because that is just what is going to allure anyone..an advert saying " ive had more military incursions than the Helmand province.."
( sadly she has veris to confirm that indeed some of our brave troops are still m.i.a. deep beneath her gusset ) |
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"My favourite? A lady in her 50s in south east area..very attractive..but oh christ " uniform please!! Squaddies esp !!"
Because that is just what is going to allure anyone..an advert saying " ive had more military incursions than the Helmand province.."
( sadly she has veris to confirm that indeed some of our brave troops are still m.i.a. deep beneath her gusset ) "
Just snortled into my coffee reading that last bit |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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“Sick of being skint” type ones get on my tits, or “need wine and fags” is another one. I’m sure there are more that annoy me. Also people asking for fabs, fyi, they mean fuck all if you have to ask for them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My favourite? A lady in her 50s in south east area..very attractive..but oh christ " uniform please!! Squaddies esp !!"
Because that is just what is going to allure anyone..an advert saying " ive had more military incursions than the Helmand province.."
( sadly she has veris to confirm that indeed some of our brave troops are still m.i.a. deep beneath her gusset )
Just snortled into my coffee reading that last bit "
Snortling into coffee is what pretty much produces my username
( that now sounds worse than i expected it to !!) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm going to so and so look out - Why what's going to happen? Your going to have a drink and spill ya chips and curry sauce that's all.
Then another reminder for us: Things are going to get messy he he.
Yep, I bet you leave your chips on the floor instead of picking them up.
You know who you are - here you go have a medal, you've been in boxing him before, probably after aswell.
Blah de blah moan moan your getting blocked - he can no longer read this status.
Looking for a well muscled, handsome, toned god of a bloke - even though I'm a minger.
Where have all the nice men gone - you get out what you put in.
Going shopping - Tell facebook
Why do men.......? - your not interested when you get told through a message.
just done 40 minutes in the gym - wait there I'm printing you a certificate.
Any kind of repeat of a message they don't like - we are sorry about what happened behind closed doors, but we don't really care.
Guys, put some effort in, I want to be spoiled - don't take the piss it's a two way thing.
If you message send a face pic - where's yours? 99% of the time the message gets deleted.
Looking for a sugar daddy.
Skint and available - Well if you want to suck my cock I'll pay my own petrol.
I could go on, they are my biggest gripe
"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My favourite? A lady in her 50s in south east area..very attractive..but oh christ " uniform please!! Squaddies esp !!"
Because that is just what is going to allure anyone..an advert saying " ive had more military incursions than the Helmand province.."
( sadly she has veris to confirm that indeed some of our brave troops are still m.i.a. deep beneath her gusset ) "
Lmao!! |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"My favourite? A lady in her 50s in south east area..very attractive..but oh christ " uniform please!! Squaddies esp !!"
Because that is just what is going to allure anyone..an advert saying " ive had more military incursions than the Helmand province.."
( sadly she has veris to confirm that indeed some of our brave troops are still m.i.a. deep beneath her gusset ) "
Kin ell. More incursions than helmand. Haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Single guy: Wow, thanks for last night never had a woman cum on my cock before.
(no verifications, not photo verified, silhouette profile pic, profile reads 'will fill in later bitches')
Single Female: Mother nature's being cruel. Not meeting today
(Thanks, for telling me, I was going to come and sift your menstrual clots through my teeth, but not to worry)
Couples: Fantastic meet with a hot sexy woman last night.. You know who you are!
(yes, I know who I am, but who is the female you met? After all you clearly want her known or you wouldn't feel the need to enlighten us that you met her)
T.V's:Sucked the biggest cock ever and took a huge load in my ass.
(Great, but if I need anything moving I'll phone DHL or UPS)
You have to laugh |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Who fancies a fuck in the woods?
Because it's really safe to meet strange men in the woods.
I wouldn't go down there today, at a guess you'd be in for a suprise."
lol |
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"Single guy: Wow, thanks for last night never had a woman cum on my cock before.
(no verifications, not photo verified, silhouette profile pic, profile reads 'will fill in later bitches')
Single Female: Mother nature's being cruel. Not meeting today
(Thanks, for telling me, I was going to come and sift your menstrual clots through my teeth, but not to worry)
Couples: Fantastic meet with a hot sexy woman last night.. You know who you are!
(yes, I know who I am, but who is the female you met? After all you clearly want her known or you wouldn't feel the need to enlighten us that you met her)
T.V's:Sucked the biggest cock ever and took a huge load in my ass.
(Great, but if I need anything moving I'll phone DHL or UPS)
You have to laugh "
so fucking funny ! Spat my drink!!! Lol |
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"Mass deletion sorry guys !
I am in hospital will keep you informed !
Have a 5 days loads any takers !
Suck and go!
I want to lick pussy now !
The 5 days load always makes me gag Haha "
Hot picture about the way ! Yes this is a joke sometimes ! Xx |
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By *sRedbbwWoman
over a year ago
Amwythig |
"Who fancies a fuck in the woods?
Because it's really safe to meet strange men in the woods."
Thought this was me for a moment, then realised I don't drive so usually find a guy I trust to take me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Who fancies a fuck in the woods?
Because it's really safe to meet strange men in the woods.
Thought this was me for a moment, then realised I don't drive so usually find a guy I trust to take me "
Lol
There's a big difference between finding a guy you trust to take you, than reading it on the news feed on here. |
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"My favourite? A lady in her 50s in south east area..very attractive..but oh christ " uniform please!! Squaddies esp !!"
Because that is just what is going to allure anyone..an advert saying " ive had more military incursions than the Helmand province.."
( sadly she has veris to confirm that indeed some of our brave troops are still m.i.a. deep beneath her gusset )
Just snortled into my coffee reading that last bit
Snortling into coffee is what pretty much produces my username
( that now sounds worse than i expected it to !!)"
You've probably made a huge boost to her squadsie shags now - they'll all be searching her out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My favourite? A lady in her 50s in south east area..very attractive..but oh christ " uniform please!! Squaddies esp !!"
Because that is just what is going to allure anyone..an advert saying " ive had more military incursions than the Helmand province.."
( sadly she has veris to confirm that indeed some of our brave troops are still m.i.a. deep beneath her gusset )
Just snortled into my coffee reading that last bit
Snortling into coffee is what pretty much produces my username
( that now sounds worse than i expected it to !!)
You've probably made a huge boost to her squadsie shags now - they'll all be searching her out."
See ? This is how the germans nearly caught us out years ago..maybe our defences were lowered as our nations armed forces pants followed suit..maybe her mam was a closet sympathiser for the reich and this was her idea of " undercover " espionage
( sorry..i may be getting this confused with an alistair maclean novel.. ) |
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