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polyamory relationships
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm sure they work for some but not for others.
What I'd love to know is, could you enter into such a relationship with one half of a couple you're friends with? Not only with 100% the wife's permission but this was actually her idea!
Sounds the stuff of many folks dreams. It's real though.
She's gone off sex. Would be happy if she never had it again.
He's practically addicted to sex. She doesn't want him having an affair. Nor sleeping with a random person. She's petrified that woman may try to snatch her hubby away and as such break up their family unit.
She doesn't want their marriage to end. She genuinly does love him with all her heart. Doesn't want their kids growing up with an absent father.
She knows something will break if she doesn't find a compromise.
She knows I'm too scared to settle down. Knows I've been beaten and broken by men who proclaimed to of loved me. Knows a loving serious relationship is the last thing I'm interested in. As such knows I would never steal, let alone ordinarily use a married man.
She knows I've no interest in sleeping around but have a high sex drive.
So shockingly asked me if I'd consider taking "care" of her husband so sexually she's left alone. She trusts I will not cause trouble and as such will not attempt to steal him away!
I was gobsmacked. I do feel for her though. She's having sex for his sake, not hers. Must be horrible but I seriously don't know how to answer her.
I don't know where else to ask for someone else's opinion.
Constructive advice welcomed please.
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"I'm sure they work for some but not for others.
What I'd love to know is, could you enter into such a relationship with one half of a couple you're friends with? Not only with 100% the wife's permission but this was actually her idea!
Sounds the stuff of many folks dreams. It's real though.
She's gone off sex. Would be happy if she never had it again.
He's practically addicted to sex. She doesn't want him having an affair. Nor sleeping with a random person. She's petrified that woman may try to snatch her hubby away and as such break up their family unit.
She doesn't want their marriage to end. She genuinly does love him with all her heart. Doesn't want their kids growing up with an absent father.
She knows something will break if she doesn't find a compromise.
She knows I'm too scared to settle down. Knows I've been beaten and broken by men who proclaimed to of loved me. Knows a loving serious relationship is the last thing I'm interested in. As such knows I would never steal, let alone ordinarily use a married man.
She knows I've no interest in sleeping around but have a high sex drive.
So shockingly asked me if I'd consider taking "care" of her husband so sexually she's left alone. She trusts I will not cause trouble and as such will not attempt to steal him away!
I was gobsmacked. I do feel for her though. She's having sex for his sake, not hers. Must be horrible but I seriously don't know how to answer her.
I don't know where else to ask for someone else's opinion.
Constructive advice welcomed please.
"
This is a tough thing to read on all sides because even though she’s happy for you to have sex with her husband, there will still be some struggle in their relationship. They may love each other but sex is a big part of any relationship because it brings you closer together and if he stops having sex with her altogether an you become the only woman that he’s having sex with then at some point one of you may fall for the other.
I know you mentioned you’ve had a shit time with past boyfriends and you’re not looking for a partner but you never know your mind might be changed if you find a strong connection with this bloke. For me two people can’t just have sex and one of them fall for the other.
Hope that helps you out x |
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"I'm sure they work for some but not for others.
What I'd love to know is, could you enter into such a relationship with one half of a couple you're friends with? Not only with 100% the wife's permission but this was actually her idea!
Sounds the stuff of many folks dreams. It's real though.
She's gone off sex. Would be happy if she never had it again.
He's practically addicted to sex. She doesn't want him having an affair. Nor sleeping with a random person. She's petrified that woman may try to snatch her hubby away and as such break up their family unit.
She doesn't want their marriage to end. She genuinly does love him with all her heart. Doesn't want their kids growing up with an absent father.
She knows something will break if she doesn't find a compromise.
She knows I'm too scared to settle down. Knows I've been beaten and broken by men who proclaimed to of loved me. Knows a loving serious relationship is the last thing I'm interested in. As such knows I would never steal, let alone ordinarily use a married man.
She knows I've no interest in sleeping around but have a high sex drive.
So shockingly asked me if I'd consider taking "care" of her husband so sexually she's left alone. She trusts I will not cause trouble and as such will not attempt to steal him away!
I was gobsmacked. I do feel for her though. She's having sex for his sake, not hers. Must be horrible but I seriously don't know how to answer her.
I don't know where else to ask for someone else's opinion.
Constructive advice welcomed please.
"
Wow, that’s a difficult one. Do you find him attractive ? |
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I think I could do that, but it would depend on so many variables such as what my relationship with each of them is like and whether I really thought she would be ok with the situation in reality not just in theory.
My great grandparents were actually in a similar relationship and it seemed to work for them  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would be very weary as to why she no longer wants sex with her husband? I know some people become asexual but it usually is known early on in life. Could there be an underlying medical or psychological reason why??
I also suspect that issues could arise from this situation going on. But then again there may not and everybody gets exactly what they want from it.
It would require a great deal of taking through on all sides I would imagine. Hope you all work something out x |
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You say she knows a loving serious relationship is the last thing you’re interested in but what makes you think poly isn’t or can’t be loving and serious? I suspect from what you’ve written she wants you as a fuck buddy for him with no feelings. Think very carefully as you may end up with a situation none of you planned. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for your input guys. Really appreciate each and everyone you for your opinions.
Just to add...
He is a good looking guy. It would be hard pressed to find someone who views him as ugly.
There's nothing wrong with my friend. Not physically or mentally and definitely she is not asexual. Her sex drive has simply vanished. That's all there is too it. Hard to imagine considering everyone on fab is here for sex and more sex lol...but not everyone views sex in the same as us fab folk.
I absolutely will not fall for her husband. Nope no definitely not! As good looking as I can appreciate he is, as a person he is one hell of an annoying dick head!  . Arrogant, selfish and the kind of person who has to have better things in life then anyone else he Knows! As a friend I like him and his wife. I just couldn't put up with him on a full time basis. His wife, my friend deserves a medal lol.
Seriously though hand on heart I'm really not interested in keeping him. On another point, doing so would break my friends heart and break up their family unit. Family means everything to her. I'm not the kind of woman to knowingly meet married guys. It's the lying and sneaking around I could never do nor be part of.
What my friend has suggested could work but as someone suggested, once I've slept with her husband, would she then feel differently towards me? Would our friendship end? She assures me it wouldn't.
So I'm just wondering if these kind of arrangements do work? There's not many women out there who would allow their husbands and friends to do this, so I don't really know anyone to ask. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for your input guys. Really appreciate each and everyone you for your opinions.
Just to add...
He is a good looking guy. It would be hard pressed to find someone who views him as ugly.
There's nothing wrong with my friend. Not physically or mentally and definitely she is not asexual. Her sex drive has simply vanished. That's all there is too it. Hard to imagine considering everyone on fab is here for sex and more sex lol...but not everyone views sex in the same as us fab folk.
I absolutely will not fall for her husband. Nope no definitely not! As good looking as I can appreciate he is, as a person he is one hell of an annoying dick head! . Arrogant, selfish and the kind of person who has to have better things in life then anyone else he Knows! As a friend I like him and his wife. I just couldn't put up with him on a full time basis. His wife, my friend deserves a medal lol.
Seriously though hand on heart I'm really not interested in keeping him. On another point, doing so would break my friends heart and break up their family unit. Family means everything to her. I'm not the kind of woman to knowingly meet married guys. It's the lying and sneaking around I could never do nor be part of.
What my friend has suggested could work but as someone suggested, once I've slept with her husband, would she then feel differently towards me? Would our friendship end? She assures me it wouldn't.
So I'm just wondering if these kind of arrangements do work? There's not many women out there who would allow their husbands and friends to do this, so I don't really know anyone to ask."
I think only you guys will know then. From what you're saying it sounds like it has the potential to work. Like the saying goes better the devil you know. At least your friend knows and trusts you.
In some respects it's like hotwifing but roles reversed?? And less of the wife watching I would imagine
I think if she has seriously asked you then surely she has prepared to deal with any emotions etc that may present... and over time I'm sure it would become normal? There was a very good documentary about this sort of thing and the women involved were really happy. I forget the name of it though x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Thanks for your input guys. Really appreciate each and everyone you for your opinions.
Just to add...
He is a good looking guy. It would be hard pressed to find someone who views him as ugly.
There's nothing wrong with my friend. Not physically or mentally and definitely she is not asexual. Her sex drive has simply vanished. That's all there is too it. Hard to imagine considering everyone on fab is here for sex and more sex lol...but not everyone views sex in the same as us fab folk.
I absolutely will not fall for her husband. Nope no definitely not! As good looking as I can appreciate he is, as a person he is one hell of an annoying dick head! . Arrogant, selfish and the kind of person who has to have better things in life then anyone else he Knows! As a friend I like him and his wife. I just couldn't put up with him on a full time basis. His wife, my friend deserves a medal lol.
Seriously though hand on heart I'm really not interested in keeping him. On another point, doing so would break my friends heart and break up their family unit. Family means everything to her. I'm not the kind of woman to knowingly meet married guys. It's the lying and sneaking around I could never do nor be part of.
What my friend has suggested could work but as someone suggested, once I've slept with her husband, would she then feel differently towards me? Would our friendship end? She assures me it wouldn't.
So I'm just wondering if these kind of arrangements do work? There's not many women out there who would allow their husbands and friends to do this, so I don't really know anyone to ask.
I think only you guys will know then. From what you're saying it sounds like it has the potential to work. Like the saying goes better the devil you know. At least your friend knows and trusts you.
In some respects it's like hotwifing but roles reversed?? And less of the wife watching I would imagine
I think if she has seriously asked you then surely she has prepared to deal with any emotions etc that may present... and over time I'm sure it would become normal? There was a very good documentary about this sort of thing and the women involved were really happy. I forget the name of it though x"
I remember the documentary you mean. They did look happy but I wondered whether that was play acting to the camera.
I'll give it more time and see whether my friend changes her mind. X |
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I have a few polyamorous friends & as far as I can see it, they are not just about being open to the idea of sexually fulfilling someone else’s partner. They are more about having loving, caring relationships with multiple partners where all partners are fully comfortable with it.
That said, regardless of the label, if it’s a situation that all of you are happy to take further then there’s no reason why not.
Communication is critical. You all need to know what the limits & expectations are before you start on anything & if you’re not comfortable with it, stop!
Good luck OP, sounds like a tough situation  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd love to have another lady in our marriage, who's happy to do vanilla stuff with us both but see husband on his own, or all together if that's what they want, with no pressure towards or commitment from the other lady.
It's proving to be a fantasy  |
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"I'd love to have another lady in our marriage, who's happy to do vanilla stuff with us both but see husband on his own, or all together if that's what they want, with no pressure towards or commitment from the other lady.
It's proving to be a fantasy "
Not just fantasy, some ladies are actively looking for alternative set ups. It’s just finding the right match, easier said than done  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd love to have another lady in our marriage, who's happy to do vanilla stuff with us both but see husband on his own, or all together if that's what they want, with no pressure towards or commitment from the other lady.
It's proving to be a fantasy
Not just fantasy, some ladies are actively looking for alternative set ups. It’s just finding the right match, easier said than done "
I'm a patient lady, I know if it's meant to happen it will |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It sounds as if you love your friend as a sister and visa Versa ....... it’s similar to different members of a team having different skill sets and utilising those skill sets for the greater good. The chap may not think the same way as you ladies do.
In my opinion emotions are the issue as keeping your “sister” relationship is as paramount as keeping her family unit.
Perhaps a “dry” run through where you and he spend time together over coffee or at the golf range etc
and
then after a debrief with your girl mate and before all of you have a much fuller debrief ....
might give you an indication of how the emotions might feel and how each of you cope with them.
Just keep being transparent with each other - good Mate’s are a treasure. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I read through this post with interest OP and was ready to join the ranks of this saying "go for it but be guarded until I read your line about him being "one hell of an annoying dick head! . Arrogant, selfish and the kind of person who has to have better things in life then anyone else he Knows!" - is that perhaps the underlying reason for his other half's lack of interest sexually? If so tread very carefully indeed even if not it would ring alarm bells for me as to just what you're getting into. |
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I have always seen relationships as a spectrum, rather things that fit into neat little boxes such a spouse, friend, FWB, aqauntence ect. I have never understood why we can't have deep meaningful relationships with more than one person (and them likewise) which may hold differing levels of connection. Relationships which may bring and exclude differefing aspects to the other relationships. If we are capable of loving more than one person why are we not allowed to? And who says each relationship has to have the same meaning or offer the same things? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I read through this post with interest OP and was ready to join the ranks of this saying "go for it but be guarded until I read your line about him being "one hell of an annoying dick head! . Arrogant, selfish and the kind of person who has to have better things in life then anyone else he Knows!" - is that perhaps the underlying reason for his other half's lack of interest sexually? If so tread very carefully indeed even if not it would ring alarm bells for me as to just what you're getting into."
Or the lady doth protest too much. Something doesn't sound right to me, but only the three of you will really know if this could work. What's to say he won't fall in love with you and not want to be with his wife anymore?
As others have said, there's usually some reason for the sex drive vanishing. Has she spoken to her GP about it? |
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So why u? Is he sexually attracted to u? It sounds like u r asking for aproval but I'd look at it more from the lady. There's a reason. It all sounds upsetting to me if this lifestyle was never a part of the couple. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If he is as you describe, can you trust him not to use you as a pawn in some domestic power play? Whilst you and she may well be communicating well and on the same page, you don't describe a man who will act with similar restraint and respect for the privilege she has granted him.
I realise you may have exaggerated his characteristics to make a point, but how much has he been involved in the discussion?
Tread lightly and with care OP. |
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"If he is as you describe, can you trust him not to use you as a pawn in some domestic power play?
"
If he’s as described would you even want to fuck him let alone have a relationship/arrangement with him? |
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This one is simple. Start taking the woman out leave ther husband at home with the kids. Help her find her mojo. Getting felt up on the dance floor getting fucked inthe Car on the way home. This woman needs to find herself as a woman again. He needs to get used to the cuckold lifestyle.  job done. A sex surrogate for a couple? Are you out of your mind. Let them fix their own shit. You would have to be a mug to get sucked into their problems making them yours. |
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What you are describing isn't polyamory. "Amor" means love. So you would love him if it was such a relationship. The way you phrased it makes it sound like you are just doing your friend a favour by deflecting the sexual attention from her and it doesn't sound like you even like him! I agree with previous poster; take her out lots, ignore him, find out why her sex drive has died. Maybe it is her that needs to find a new person to fuck or she has depression or something but no way should you sleep with her husband. What if they should split up over it and you lose your friend? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for your input guys. Really appreciate each and everyone you for your opinions.
Just to add...
He is a good looking guy. It would be hard pressed to find someone who views him as ugly.
There's nothing wrong with my friend. Not physically or mentally and definitely she is not asexual. Her sex drive has simply vanished. That's all there is too it. Hard to imagine considering everyone on fab is here for sex and more sex lol...but not everyone views sex in the same as us fab folk.
I absolutely will not fall for her husband. Nope no definitely not! As good looking as I can appreciate he is, as a person he is one hell of an annoying dick head! . Arrogant, selfish and the kind of person who has to have better things in life then anyone else he Knows! As a friend I like him and his wife. I just couldn't put up with him on a full time basis. His wife, my friend deserves a medal lol.
Seriously though hand on heart I'm really not interested in keeping him. On another point, doing so would break my friends heart and break up their family unit. Family means everything to her. I'm not the kind of woman to knowingly meet married guys. It's the lying and sneaking around I could never do nor be part of.
What my friend has suggested could work but as someone suggested, once I've slept with her husband, would she then feel differently towards me? Would our friendship end? She assures me it wouldn't.
So I'm just wondering if these kind of arrangements do work? There's not many women out there who would allow their husbands and friends to do this, so I don't really know anyone to ask."
I think that kind of arrangement definitely can work. Me and hubby had a similar thing going while I was at uni where I had a regular fb (who did develop feelings for me, but it was fine because we talked about it openly and honestly) and because we kept checking in with each other and making sure we were both still ok with what was happening it worked really well.
Maybe sit down and have a talk with your friend about it and negotiate some boundaries together, then if everyone's happy trial it for a week or so and check back in that she's happy with everything still and just keep checking in regularly. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I read through this post with interest OP and was ready to join the ranks of this saying "go for it but be guarded until I read your line about him being "one hell of an annoying dick head! . Arrogant, selfish and the kind of person who has to have better things in life then anyone else he Knows!" - is that perhaps the underlying reason for his other half's lack of interest sexually? If so tread very carefully indeed even if not it would ring alarm bells for me as to just what you're getting into."
No! Lol. She adores him. She happily accepts and loves him for the way he is. She's a softey kind of woman. Doesn't see his annoying arrogant attitude as a fault. That's just me and my opinion of him lol. I love them both as a friend. No intention in stealing him away at all. I couldn't cope with his personality full time. Lol. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It sounds as if you love your friend as a sister and visa Versa ....... it’s similar to different members of a team having different skill sets and utilising those skill sets for the greater good. The chap may not think the same way as you ladies do.
In my opinion emotions are the issue as keeping your “sister” relationship is as paramount as keeping her family unit.
Perhaps a “dry” run through where you and he spend time together over coffee or at the golf range etc
and
then after a debrief with your girl mate and before all of you have a much fuller debrief ....
might give you an indication of how the emotions might feel and how each of you cope with them.
Just keep being transparent with each other - good Mate’s are a treasure. "
Thank you. Great advice |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I read through this post with interest OP and was ready to join the ranks of this saying "go for it but be guarded until I read your line about him being "one hell of an annoying dick head! . Arrogant, selfish and the kind of person who has to have better things in life then anyone else he Knows!" - is that perhaps the underlying reason for his other half's lack of interest sexually? If so tread very carefully indeed even if not it would ring alarm bells for me as to just what you're getting into.
Or the lady doth protest too much. Something doesn't sound right to me, but only the three of you will really know if this could work. What's to say he won't fall in love with you and not want to be with his wife anymore?
As others have said, there's usually some reason for the sex drive vanishing. Has she spoken to her GP about it? "
There's no reason why she's lost her sex drive! There's nothing wrong with her. Just because you can't imagine life without sex, doesn't mean everyone else is the same. I asked for constructive advice. Not criticism towards my friends lack of sex drive.
I've already explained everything above. Not everything has a hidden meaning. Sometimes just sometimes, when you're told something, funny enough that's exactly what's meant! Nothing else to it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So why u? Is he sexually attracted to u? It sounds like u r asking for aproval but I'd look at it more from the lady. There's a reason. It all sounds upsetting to me if this lifestyle was never a part of the couple. Xx"
Again as fully explained above several times, there's nothing else to it! Just because you can't imagine such a thing, doesn't mean another person is the same.
I've explained as to why she's asked me. Nowhere have I asked for any ones approval. I asked for constructive advice not permission!
There's no reason why she's gone of sex! Not everyone is like you, other fab folk or I. Sex isn't important to everyone. Not everyone NEEDS it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Maybe she thinks u r already sleeping with him  "
What!  . No she does not. I have no idea why that even entered your head. I've known them both for years! She does not think that way |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is an unusual configuration, but then any poly configuration is unique.
That you discussed it with your friends and that they both agree to it in principle is a good start. That you don't fall for him is not something you can control however.
What you say about his personality (Arrogant etc) surprised me. Do you find him attractive regardless of his personality flaws?
If you want to go ahead with this relationship, I would recommend that you read books such as More than two by Franklin Veaux. An important part of poly is communication and self-awareness, More than two gives a comprehensive insight in the various aspects of poly and also give you the concepts and vocabulary you will need to understand what you feel and to communicate on it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If he is as you describe, can you trust him not to use you as a pawn in some domestic power play? Whilst you and she may well be communicating well and on the same page, you don't describe a man who will act with similar restraint and respect for the privilege she has granted him.
I realise you may have exaggerated his characteristics to make a point, but how much has he been involved in the discussion?
Tread lightly and with care OP. "
He hasn't as of yet. My friend spoke with me before him. He may not be interested in such an arrangement. She didn't think it appropriate to talk to him before she spoke to me in case I wasn't interested. I wasn't at first! She asked me to think about it. If I was then we both could talk to her husband together.
Thank you for your advice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I guess I'm repeating what others have said above. Communication is the key here.
I think it could work for all of you. But there needs to be lots of honest open talking, before and after to check in how everyone is feeling and dealing with the emotions.
Also setting rules or boundaries to help protect everyone from it going too far emotionally, and build trust.
The only other thing id add, is from personal experience I lost my mojo for a long while, and felt I was only having sex for my husband's sake!
Thank God this didn't last forever, but what I didn't realise, it badly affected how close and affectionate we were with each other too!! So for the overall health of your friends marriage I think it would be good if she could establish why she's lost her sex drive, and what she can do to get it back.
Being close and intimate is such a good feeling!
I felt dead inside and couldn't even bring myself to hug and kiss my hubby at the time, which was horrible for both of us!
Good luck though. It's a tricky situation, but if all parties handle carefully, could be helpful! X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It is an unusual configuration, but then any poly configuration is unique.
That you discussed it with your friends and that they both agree to it in principle is a good start. That you don't fall for him is not something you can control however.
What you say about his personality (Arrogant etc) surprised me. Do you find him attractive regardless of his personality flaws?
If you want to go ahead with this relationship, I would recommend that you read books such as More than two by Franklin Veaux. An important part of poly is communication and self-awareness, More than two gives a comprehensive insight in the various aspects of poly and also give you the concepts and vocabulary you will need to understand what you feel and to communicate on it."
Thank you for your advice. Very helpful!
Any lady would find him attractive. It's hard pressed to not see that about him. He's just lucky to have natural good looks. I can appricate that about him.
I've just never been into arrogent show off look my belongings kind of people. Materialistic people annoy me. So I couldn't and wouldn't fall in love with him. I assure you on that! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm sure they work for some but not for others.
What I'd love to know is, could you enter into such a relationship with one half of a couple you're friends with? Not only with 100% the wife's permission but this was actually her idea!
Sounds the stuff of many folks dreams. It's real though.
She's gone off sex. Would be happy if she never had it again.
He's practically addicted to sex. She doesn't want him having an affair. Nor sleeping with a random person. She's petrified that woman may try to snatch her hubby away and as such break up their family unit.
She doesn't want their marriage to end. She genuinly does love him with all her heart. Doesn't want their kids growing up with an absent father.
She knows something will break if she doesn't find a compromise.
She knows I'm too scared to settle down. Knows I've been beaten and broken by men who proclaimed to of loved me. Knows a loving serious relationship is the last thing I'm interested in. As such knows I would never steal, let alone ordinarily use a married man.
She knows I've no interest in sleeping around but have a high sex drive.
So shockingly asked me if I'd consider taking "care" of her husband so sexually she's left alone. She trusts I will not cause trouble and as such will not attempt to steal him away!
I was gobsmacked. I do feel for her though. She's having sex for his sake, not hers. Must be horrible but I seriously don't know how to answer her.
I don't know where else to ask for someone else's opinion.
Constructive advice welcomed please.
"
Too close to home and as much as she may think it is now, this scenario is not a solution to their problem. Good luck OP. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I guess I'm repeating what others have said above. Communication is the key here.
I think it could work for all of you. But there needs to be lots of honest open talking, before and after to check in how everyone is feeling and dealing with the emotions.
Also setting rules or boundaries to help protect everyone from it going too far emotionally, and build trust.
The only other thing id add, is from personal experience I lost my mojo for a long while, and felt I was only having sex for my husband's sake!
Thank God this didn't last forever, but what I didn't realise, it badly affected how close and affectionate we were with each other too!! So for the overall health of your friends marriage I think it would be good if she could establish why she's lost her sex drive, and what she can do to get it back.
Being close and intimate is such a good feeling!
I felt dead inside and couldn't even bring myself to hug and kiss my hubby at the time, which was horrible for both of us!
Good luck though. It's a tricky situation, but if all parties handle carefully, could be helpful! X"
What excellent advice. Best of all you understand somewhat how my friend could go off sex.
Oh she hugs, cuddles and kisses him. They even hold hands in public. Both are in their mid 40's.
I've asked her countless times over the years why she's gone off sex. She just replies she can't be bothered with it. She has no real answer. She's just not interested in sex anymore. Honestly that's all there is too it.
My ex was similar. She used to laugh how she could do with her hubby being more like my ex (who I was still with at the time of that convo) and how I could do with my ex being more like her hubby.
No she nor we did not discuss swapping lol. It was just a discussion of differences. X |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm sure they work for some but not for others.
What I'd love to know is, could you enter into such a relationship with one half of a couple you're friends with? Not only with 100% the wife's permission but this was actually her idea!
Sounds the stuff of many folks dreams. It's real though.
She's gone off sex. Would be happy if she never had it again.
He's practically addicted to sex. She doesn't want him having an affair. Nor sleeping with a random person. She's petrified that woman may try to snatch her hubby away and as such break up their family unit.
She doesn't want their marriage to end. She genuinly does love him with all her heart. Doesn't want their kids growing up with an absent father.
She knows something will break if she doesn't find a compromise.
She knows I'm too scared to settle down. Knows I've been beaten and broken by men who proclaimed to of loved me. Knows a loving serious relationship is the last thing I'm interested in. As such knows I would never steal, let alone ordinarily use a married man.
She knows I've no interest in sleeping around but have a high sex drive.
So shockingly asked me if I'd consider taking "care" of her husband so sexually she's left alone. She trusts I will not cause trouble and as such will not attempt to steal him away!
I was gobsmacked. I do feel for her though. She's having sex for his sake, not hers. Must be horrible but I seriously don't know how to answer her.
I don't know where else to ask for someone else's opinion.
Constructive advice welcomed please.
Too close to home and as much as she may think it is now, this scenario is not a solution to their problem. Good luck OP. "
This is why I'm asking. I don't want to lose her friendship. I posted on here to see if others have been in similar situations and what was the outcome. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm sure they work for some but not for others.
What I'd love to know is, could you enter into such a relationship with one half of a couple you're friends with? Not only with 100% the wife's permission but this was actually her idea!
Sounds the stuff of many folks dreams. It's real though.
She's gone off sex. Would be happy if she never had it again.
He's practically addicted to sex. She doesn't want him having an affair. Nor sleeping with a random person. She's petrified that woman may try to snatch her hubby away and as such break up their family unit.
She doesn't want their marriage to end. She genuinly does love him with all her heart. Doesn't want their kids growing up with an absent father.
She knows something will break if she doesn't find a compromise.
She knows I'm too scared to settle down. Knows I've been beaten and broken by men who proclaimed to of loved me. Knows a loving serious relationship is the last thing I'm interested in. As such knows I would never steal, let alone ordinarily use a married man.
She knows I've no interest in sleeping around but have a high sex drive.
So shockingly asked me if I'd consider taking "care" of her husband so sexually she's left alone. She trusts I will not cause trouble and as such will not attempt to steal him away!
I was gobsmacked. I do feel for her though. She's having sex for his sake, not hers. Must be horrible but I seriously don't know how to answer her.
I don't know where else to ask for someone else's opinion.
Constructive advice welcomed please.
Too close to home and as much as she may think it is now, this scenario is not a solution to their problem. Good luck OP.
This is why I'm asking. I don't want to lose her friendship. I posted on here to see if others have been in similar situations and what was the outcome."
I understand. Regardless of your friends situation. She effectively wants you to service her husbands needs and be his spunk bucket! I would expect that you feel that you are better than that. I have never been in your situation but it isn't a scenario i would spend any time considering. Your friend and her hubby may require couples counselling or realise that they may have just drifted apart. Either way, personally its not something i would entertain. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im sure your friend has seriously thought it through.
It would have been spur of the moment to ask you.
I have found when being demanded to have sex and expected to, going through with sex when you dont want to but you do it because you love them is a hard burden.
Love doesnt mean sex. He has his needs and she understands this.
what better person than one she trusts?
When the pressure is off her she may find her libido may come back. Sex has possibly become a chore and a demand upon her. Then she may want occasional sex with her husband and he can fulfill the rest of his needs else where. Leaving her needs met and his.
Poly relationships work best with friendship, honesty and consideration. Honesty being extremely important. Keeps the green eyed monster at bay.
How i see it shes willing to share the love of her life with the one other person she trusts in the world. Two best people in her life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your friend needs professional help, either with or without her husband, to establish what has happened to her marriage and whether a solution can be found. Loss of libido in women is often a direct result of resentment or other issues to do with their partner, or she may have physical or mental health issues impacting on her sex drive.
It's not up to you to be a free hooker just to try to keep her marriage together, that's their problem. |
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Personally I’d run a mile from getting into such a relationship. It’s tricky getting involved with a couple when their relationship is healthy never mind when it’s broken.
You are not going to fix whatever it is that’s broken, if anything you’ll drive a giant wedge in between and it’ll not be your fault but I don’t imagine your friendship will survive unscathed.
From the little you’ve said, it sounds like he’s not mature enough to get into something like this and ultimately your loyalties will most likely remain with your friend. Support her by all means, support them both but not by dropping your knickers.
Sorry, I’m sure it’s not really what you want to hear and by all means PM me, happy to discuss further privately.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be fair, nothing the OP has said, makes me think their relationship is broken.
I'd be looking into the loss of sex drive personally, before looking for alternative solutions, but each to their own. |
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"To be fair, nothing the OP has said, makes me think their relationship is broken.
I'd be looking into the loss of sex drive personally, before looking for alternative solutions, but each to their own. "
I guess we all have different views on what’s normal in a relationship but if I no longer wanted to have sex with my husband, for whatever reason, I’d be questioning what was wrong before throwing another woman into the mix.
We’re all different though. The lady has perhaps questioned it already but that she’s not discussed it with her husband before discussing it with the intended solution makes me think there’s already communication issues and alarm bells would be ringing for me.  |
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"Your friend needs professional help, either with or without her husband, to establish what has happened to her marriage and whether a solution can be found. Loss of libido in women is often a direct result of resentment or other issues to do with their partner, or she may have physical or mental health issues impacting on her sex drive.
It's not up to you to be a free hooker just to try to keep her marriage together, that's their problem."
well said xx |
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