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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A close friend of mine has not long became a dad, both him and his partner earn good money with her earning slightly more than him, they decided that based on this she would go back to work and he would stay at home as they believe a parent should always be home with the child and not just passed onto a babysitter or daycare, but after a few months he has began to feel embarrassed or even ashamed when the subject of work comes up in conversation as I think he feels that as a man he should be the one out providing. I feel that this reason is outdated and he should have no shame in what hes doing and that it does makes sense as she earns more.
Whats everybody's thoughts on this? How would the men feel if they stayed at home? And how would the women feel if they were the one out providing for her family? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm personally quite old fashioned in a sense, I love the role of staying at home and ensuring everything is kept in tip top shape for the Mr and he's of the mind that I shouldn't have to work and he can provide me with whatever I want/need.
Strange dynamic and a lot don't understand but it works for us and always has. |
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
From what you've said it makes financial sense that he's the one to give up work,since they've decided one of them must. It's nothing for him to be embarrassed about but if he's not happy with it he really should talk to his partner about how he's feeling. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A close friend of mine has not long became a dad, both him and his partner earn good money with her earning slightly more than him, they decided that based on this she would go back to work and he would stay at home as they believe a parent should always be home with the child and not just passed onto a babysitter or daycare, but after a few months he has began to feel embarrassed or even ashamed when the subject of work comes up in conversation as I think he feels that as a man he should be the one out providing. I feel that this reason is outdated and he should have no shame in what hes doing and that it does makes sense as she earns more.
Whats everybody's thoughts on this? How would the men feel if they stayed at home? And how would the women feel if they were the one out providing for her family?"
Aww he has nothing to feel ashamed of at all it’s because of what society has said must be done, man goes to work, woman stays home and looks after the children in this day and age I see most couples sharing the roles equally. I admire men for staying home with the children I know how hard it is being a single mum of two boys.
Ms B xx  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yeah I like seeing the role reversal as well, I dont think hes miserable or anything like that from what I see they are happy with their setup, but just seems when the subject of work comes up he feels awkward about it, maybe just needs getting used to |
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Agree with above comments.
Joining Fabs has opened my eyes to attitudes to sex that I never really realised existed, being of a certain generation! It's pisitively liberating!
This is the same. I see no reason why we should continue to perpetuate accepted norms in a modern world where employment patterns are changing so quickly.
If it works for you, it's the right solution. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I work from home so will soon be taking on the role of househusband and I cannot fucking wait for it.
I don't give a toss what others opinions are, I'll do what's right for us.
Mrs N will take her leave allowance. So we get the bonus of both being at home for the first 9 months of our small persons life. AWESOME! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No reason to be embarrassed I would have loved it could have got alot more done on the house but I was the one working while she went to college and university we split are time with them  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We live rurally, so to get the kids to school and provide care before and after school both of us working wouldn't work.
For years hubby went out to work, I stayed at home.
Then I passed my driving test and became all wanty - I wanted to work. So I took on a job, hubby became self employed and began working round the kids - mostly from home fabricating, car repairs, and odd days on site with friends who understand our set up.
I gave up work last month and am finishing a course so I too can work from home.
It suits us. It suits the kids. At the minute they have the best of both worlds - home cooked meals, and both of us on tap. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been a house husband. They were the best days if my adult life. I had a part time job, that fitted in with child care as well, so didn't feel de-masculinised at all. I do remember doing the school runs and being pretty much the only male in the playground for the first year. Then noticed, the following years, more dads/grand dads etc picking up or dropping off. I would also get comments from all sorts of people congratulating me and some guys saying how they had missed their kids growing up and admired me for taking on 'the female role'. I assume it's not for everyone it just worked for us.
Fuzz |
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Tell him to own it!
I really get fed up of people judging other’s choices in life. Sounds like he and his partner made a decision on what’s best for their family that they are both happy with. It’s nothing to be ashamed of... if he’s enjoying watching his kid grow up then hats off to him!
Anyone who is making him feel bad about his choice doesn’t deserve his time.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I imagine when she gets in from work, she beats him for not doing the dinner correctly before making him suck her toes and shagging him with a strap on."
That might tempt more men into it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We do this and for the same reasons, I stayed at home for 6/7 years then Fred and I swapped. It did take Fred quite sometime to adapt as he felt he should be providing but we are well settled and it works perfect now.
I don't earn a huge wage but we manage on one wage, bought a house, save and have holidays etc but not extravagant, when Fred does work full time again we'll have the benefit of an extra wage that will mainly be disposable well that's the plan anyway
Ginger |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Equal rights and opportunity is a 2-way street, so he shouldn't feel embarrassed about being a stay-at-home dad. Theres a big difference between a stay-at-home dad/mum when compared to being a housewife or husband. If comes up in a conversation and people talk (gossip) about it being a problem, it's a bit hypocritical of them in this day and age if they support gender equality. |
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With our first child hubby stayed at home and I went to work. 16 years ago that was classed as not normal, he was one of the only dad's at play school to pick him up. when I had my daughter, I stayed at home while hubby went back to work. One thing hubby complained about was he missed out a lot on the early years as he missed so much but at the time he earned more money.do what you think is right for you and your family. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My ex husband was always the ‘stay at home dad’ But with this, my youngest is now 13 and he is simply unemployed.
I wasn’t a very maternal mother to my young kids (I’m much more maternal now) so we decided he would be best to stay at home (I think also I knew it would be futile trying to get him to work as is Work history was a little ‘colourful’ to say the least. When we split and he had the kids (as two of them are mildly autistic and was best to keep them to their routines) and they have grown up some more, he has every excuse going not to find a job, he has 8 hours a day without the children so he has no excuse not to find work, he now drives which he didn’t when we were married so he has even more scope than ever before, he prefers to live off his gf and not worry about setting an example to the boys, thankful my eldest who is 17 has a brilliant work ethic.
It has never bothered him about having a stigma of being a stay at home Dad when they were younger, he was proud that he was there for them but like I say it hasn’t done him any favours long term.
My kids are happy though, well cared for and he doesn’t claim benefits (he used to) only child benefit of course, as long as they are happy and they see me and Ads working hard (and their step mum of course) then I’m happy.
Geeky x |
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