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The amazing messages appreciation thread
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Just received a message referring to the female here as “wank fodder”.
Honestly the mind boggles, however it seemed too funny not to share.
What other classics do people get in messages that are so ridiculous that you have to laugh, even though they make you fear for the state of humanity? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I had one the other day saying he'd wank with a banana up his arse and did I want to watch? Words to that effect. I politely declined.
"
I admire your restraint. |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"I had one the other day saying he'd wank with a banana up his arse and did I want to watch? Words to that effect. I politely declined.
I admire your restraint. "
It was unusual to say the least, had to read it several times lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I had one the other day saying he'd wank with a banana up his arse and did I want to watch? Words to that effect. I politely declined.
"
Gives a whole new meaning too split arse!! |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"Have you come across “how can I serve” man yet?
We’ve given him plenty of suggestions but the grass remains uncut, trees still need clearing. Worst gimp ever "
Don't be sending him my way then lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh god, so many but a recent one where its author apparently wanted to throw me over their shoulder and take me as 'a spoil of war' which was an interesting turn of phrase  "
That would quite tempt me 
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"[Yet more misspellings removed by poster at 23/01/18 12:42:31]"
Well, despite me saying I am interested in the ladies of fab, I still recieve offers from fab straight gents. A no strings massage was the more polite end of the spectrum. Rocking up to a car park and being subjected to what I was assured would be the most incredible sucking off ever was another. |
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It's the ones that want to 'destroy me & teach me a thing or two' that amuse me.
I'll admit I'm not the most experienced person, could probably learn a few things but certainly not from something who wants to smash me to pieces! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It's the ones that want to 'destroy me & teach me a thing or two' that amuse me.
I'll admit I'm not the most experienced person, could probably learn a few things but certainly not from something who wants to smash me to pieces! "
Wow never had a pm like that in 7 years here. I'd run a mile.
I had a request to "teach me to suck bbc please". Can't even remember how I replied to that one.
|
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"It's the ones that want to 'destroy me & teach me a thing or two' that amuse me.
I'll admit I'm not the most experienced person, could probably learn a few things but certainly not from something who wants to smash me to pieces!
Wow never had a pm like that in 7 years here. I'd run a mile.
I had a request to "teach me to suck bbc please". Can't even remember how I replied to that one.
"
Honestly... It's the consistent theme in my inbox!
Loling @your message though x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had a “couple” message me. They wanted me to have a one hour wrestling match with fella. Mrs wouldn’t be there it would be recorded for her.
He would oil me up and we had to wear speedos. After an hour if I won I had to do a victory dance and humilite him. If I won I got to keep the Mrs
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Last week my mr was sent a message by my ex’s girlfriend asking him to meet so she could give him a bj while my ex watched. 
Are they bringing Jeremy Kyle lol?! "
If you knew them they would fit in well on there. Both part of the great unwashed and toothless brigade x |
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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago
sheffield |
"I’ve been asked several times if I’d pee in a guys ass while he sang the hills are Alive. I declined. Hate that song x
Feel the Hokey Cokey would be more suited to that particular fetish "
Ha ha. Must suggest it next time he messages  |
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"I had a “couple” message me. They wanted me to have a one hour wrestling match with fella. Mrs wouldn’t be there it would be recorded for her.
He would oil me up and we had to wear speedos. After an hour if I won I had to do a victory dance and humilite him. If I won I got to keep the Mrs
"
After an hour of wrestling I think it would be bed time rather than anything else.
Did you get to keep her forever? Would be a pain in the ass accidently picking up another wife on a Saturday night. I struggled with a goldfish from the fairground. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Oh god, so many but a recent one where its author apparently wanted to throw me over their shoulder and take me as 'a spoil of war' which was an interesting turn of phrase "
There is at least the presence of eloquence and a clearly active fantasy mind at work there. Which isn't entirely a bad thing...  |
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"[Yet more misspellings removed by poster at 23/01/18 12:42:31]
Well, despite me saying I am interested in the ladies of fab, I still recieve offers from fab straight gents. A no strings massage was the more polite end of the spectrum. Rocking up to a car park and being subjected to what I was assured would be the most incredible sucking off ever was another."
You need to take what you can get pal  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just received a message referring to the female here as “wank fodder”.
Honestly the mind boggles, however it seemed too funny not to share.
What other classics do people get in messages that are so ridiculous that you have to laugh, even though they make you fear for the state of humanity? "
Ha ha sorry OP but that definition made me chuckle  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I had one the other day saying he'd wank with a banana up his arse and did I want to watch? Words to that effect. I politely declined.
"
I had one similar but actually wanted to use a torch, made my eyes water it did
I also politely declined! |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"I had one the other day saying he'd wank with a banana up his arse and did I want to watch? Words to that effect. I politely declined.
I had one similar but actually wanted to use a torch, made my eyes water it did
I also politely declined! "
Eww. Just had a guy asking g me to video him being fucked by another guy for his wife |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I was offered a "Yoni" massage just yesterday! From an expert in the field apparently...
He was going to start by taking his favorite Dove moisturiser and start from my feet, working his way up my legs, then my back.... It didn't even end with anything remotely Yoni! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
""You fuck now".
We won't forget this literary gem. Shakespeare wouldn't stand a chance against verbal dexterity such as this.
It seemed more of an order due to the lack of a question mark."
"U fuck now" would've had me positively melting. |
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"I’ve been asked several times if I’d pee in a guys ass while he sang the hills are Alive. I declined. Hate that song x
Feel the Hokey Cokey would be more suited to that particular fetish "
This could be a whole new thread! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I had one the other day saying he'd wank with a banana up his arse and did I want to watch? Words to that effect. I politely declined.
"
Can't get the song out of my head now!! la la la, la la la la |
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"I had one the other day saying he'd wank with a banana up his arse and did I want to watch? Words to that effect. I politely declined.
Can't get the song out of my head now!! la la la, la la la la "
That’s another bloody earworm...
“Can’t get You Out Of My Head” |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I had one the other day saying he'd wank with a banana up his arse and did I want to watch? Words to that effect. I politely declined.
I had one similar but actually wanted to use a torch, made my eyes water it did
I also politely declined! "
Well if it was one of those new led torches it would make your eyes water,they're bloody bright. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I had one asking if I’d shit in his mouth 
Asked to shit in a bath. I asked whether it was full or empty? They never replied. "
Full or empty of what? I'd hope they at least rinse the bath out between visitors |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I had one asking if I’d shit in his mouth
Asked to shit in a bath. I asked whether it was full or empty? They never replied. "
Sorry,I got waylaid. Full of course, floater check. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I had one asking if I’d shit in his mouth
Asked to shit in a bath. I asked whether it was full or empty? They never replied.
Full or empty of what? I'd hope they at least rinse the bath out between visitors "
Almost spat my water across the room then |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I had one asking if I’d shit in his mouth
Asked to shit in a bath. I asked whether it was full or empty? They never replied. "
Sorry I forgot to get back to you, it was Full with the taps running, some nice bubble bath, with a few plastic ships (gives battleships a whole new dimension!!).....I was joking btw (I gave up sending messages months ago!) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I was offered a "Yoni" massage just yesterday! From an expert in the field apparently...
He was going to start by taking his favorite Dove moisturiser and start from my feet, working his way up my legs, then my back.... It didn't even end with anything remotely Yoni! "
Oh dear, one can't offer a certain experience and not even provide the experience in question!
Besides which in my own humble opinion, nuru massage is much more desirable! Both from my own point of view and the ladies I have introduced to this particular sensual indulgence who normally stock up on vast quantities of baby oil immediately after... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I was offered a "Yoni" massage just yesterday! From an expert in the field apparently...
He was going to start by taking his favorite Dove moisturiser and start from my feet, working his way up my legs, then my back.... It didn't even end with anything remotely Yoni!
Oh dear, one can't offer a certain experience and not even provide the experience in question!
Besides which in my own humble opinion, nuru massage is much more desirable! Both from my own point of view and the ladies I have introduced to this particular sensual indulgence who normally stock up on vast quantities of baby oil immediately after... "
*googles nuru massage* |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I was offered a "Yoni" massage just yesterday! From an expert in the field apparently...
He was going to start by taking his favorite Dove moisturiser and start from my feet, working his way up my legs, then my back.... It didn't even end with anything remotely Yoni!
Oh dear, one can't offer a certain experience and not even provide the experience in question!
Besides which in my own humble opinion, nuru massage is much more desirable! Both from my own point of view and the ladies I have introduced to this particular sensual indulgence who normally stock up on vast quantities of baby oil immediately after...
*googles nuru massage* "
I'm very glad that you approve Madam! For as it happens I'm of the opinion that you would look utterly exquisite under a thick rich film of decadent oil, very generously applied from head to toe... |
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