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Ex partner problems.
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Feels abit weird posting a subject like this to this site but here goes.. Quite personal and don't open up to close family never mind a site like this! But hoping for some sound advice from a lot of men in my position and women who agree or disagree with my ex.
My daughter is 7 years of age. For the last 7 years I've been making the journey from Liverpool to Kent to visit my daughter (that's her home now, from 3months). I will try and cut a long story short.. I've done all the travelling for 7 years, I've got an contact order against her due to her stopping me seeing her for some pathetic reasons, here's a few examples. 1- giving her, her first kfc aged 5. 2- aged 6 I left her to bath alone, so she can play with her toys... She shaved her legs!! I called my ex to tell her this, she then stops contact. You've got an idea to what she's like now! This is what I deal with every day.
I brought up equal travel to the judged about 18 months ago, what i wanted was for my ex to meet me in London for the handover, saves me going all the way to Kent to then comes straight back. She was pregnant at the time of my request and she said "I can't I'm pregnant". I didn't have a leg to stand on. Now, 18 months on and now reviewing CSA of £69.84 (including £15 arrears) I'd like to propose her to meet me half way at London, has she got any excuse valid enough to come up with in court?
Apparently I need to apply for a C79 to ammend the order but I don't want to go all the way down there for a judge to say no, nothing I can do. The older I'm getting, financially it's getting tougher. The month I have my daughter it's costing £70 a week CSA plus £250 there an back travel, plus to support her whilst she's here.
I get this is quite deep, I've been advised to walk away but I've fought hard to get to this stage! Any advice on how to improve my situation? |
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Sorry I have no advice,but hope you get to a stage where things are manageable. It can be so hard when parents move a good distance apart,my brother went through the same. When his were younger he used to travel late on a Friday,bring them back to his then travel back again on the Sunday.
When they were older they got the train to him which was costly,now his son has a car it's so much easier. I think as she was the one to move away it's her responsiblity to do some of the journey. |
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I’d get some proper legal advice OP - see a family law specialist who can tell you what you’re entitled to.
It might cost a little at the outset but could save fortunes in the long run
(I also think the first hours consultation is free at most solicitors) |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I've been in a similar situation OP - so feel free to PM me if you want to discuss - I'd rather not go into detail in an open thread - a couple of questions though that may help others frame an answer:
- How often do you have access to your daughter? You suggest for a month at the end of your post but wasn't sure if I read/understood that right?
- When you see your daughter does she come back to your house for the duration of the stay?
- Has your daughter given any indication of what she wants? Know at 7 she's young to make a decision like that for herself but it's a factor to consider.
- Did you move away from her when you separated or she from you?
The general answer is there's never a clear cut way (no matter how unfair it may seem) and different judges may well view things differently and will take into account factors like the answers to the questions I've posed above - and without liking to sound harsh, a judge will take into account both sides of the story (we only have one here) as well as your daughters view - in fact the over riding factor will be what's in the best interests of your daughter.
The other thing to remember is in extreme cases failure to comply with a court order can result in penalties, but the reality is they are often difficult to enforce (because, for example, your ex is the primary carer) and may therefore not always be worth a great deal - although just the threat of a penalty may be enough to ensure they're kept to.
Of course your best bet would be to get some legal advice - even a free half an hour with a decent family solicitor may help you decide the best way forward. |
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When I left my husband I wanted to move to the opposite end of the country but I had two kids at home who adored their father and he them.
In the end I moved four miles so he could still see them everyday and apart from sleeping under the same roof nothing in their lives changed: dad still picked them up from school, went to parents evening etc. Neither my ex-husband or daughters missed out.
They are happy, educated, grounded, happily married women with loving men (like their dad: their words) who have loving relationship with both parents.
I say this to highlight how important it is to be in your daughters life. Fight tooth and nail. Her mother being awkward will come back to haunt her as children aren't stupid.
What I would advise is not to argue about the cost/inconvenience it is in front of your daughter. Make her feel as loved and cherished as possible.
You will need to make sacrifices: nature of the beast where kids are concerned I'm afraid.
Do seek professional advice to ensure you do see your daughter: good luck to you. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"When I left my husband I wanted to move to the opposite end of the country but I had two kids at home who adored their father and he them.
In the end I moved four miles so he could still see them everyday and apart from sleeping under the same roof nothing in their lives changed: dad still picked them up from school, went to parents evening etc. Neither my ex-husband or daughters missed out.
They are happy, educated, grounded, happily married women with loving men (like their dad: their words) who have loving relationship with both parents.
I say this to highlight how important it is to be in your daughters life. Fight tooth and nail. Her mother being awkward will come back to haunt her as children aren't stupid.
What I would advise is not to argue about the cost/inconvenience it is in front of your daughter. Make her feel as loved and cherished as possible.
You will need to make sacrifices: nature of the beast where kids are concerned I'm afraid.
Do seek professional advice to ensure you do see your daughter: good luck to you. "
Add the majority of this to my post  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be honest I would be concerned if about the leg shaving if I were a parent. Probably a good idea to make sure she can't get hold of a razor again. As for the money aspect you just have to suck that up. Everything else get proper legal advice on XXX |
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Is your child support set by the CMS or by the court. If by CMS you can ask for an ammendment for travel costs as well as overnight stays. If you are on the old rules then you can do one or the other (CSA).
If it’s court set you will need to go back to court |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am not permitted to move out of Derbyshire as part of my contact order.. although ive never been difficult.
I am also expected to share the travel.If I drop off.. he picks up etc... so that could maybe be an option.
Also depending on how often you have your daughter and the money spent travelling .. I am sure it can be taken into account for csa.
For example. My partner had our daughter every other weekend ( was every weekend originally) and half school holidays. So therefore he pays me nothing ( but does buy all her school uniform and school trips etc)
It would depend on the judge but would also depend why your so far apart. As if I wanted to move out of Derbyshire i could apply but I would have to cover all the cost of my daughters travel to and from her dads.
I wouldn't worry about the things stopped for. They are petty things.. and good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To be honest I would be concerned if about the leg shaving if I were a parent. Probably a good idea to make sure she can't get hold of a razor again. As for the money aspect you just have to suck that up. Everything else get proper legal advice on XXX"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I take my kids to their dad and he drops them back the following day, we live approximately 15 miles away from each other.
I don't think its unreasonable to ask to meet half way, especially if the travelling time is actually cutting into quality time you could be having with her.
I'd seek legal advice though, this kind of thing has potential to turn messy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am not permitted to move out of Derbyshire as part of my contact order.. although ive never been difficult.
I am also expected to share the travel.If I drop off.. he picks up etc... so that could maybe be an option.
Also depending on how often you have your daughter and the money spent travelling .. I am sure it can be taken into account for csa.
For example. My partner had our daughter every other weekend ( was every weekend originally) and half school holidays. So therefore he pays me nothing ( but does buy all her school uniform and school trips etc)
It would depend on the judge but would also depend why your so far apart. As if I wanted to move out of Derbyshire i could apply but I would have to cover all the cost of my daughters travel to and from her dads.
I wouldn't worry about the things stopped for. They are petty things.. and good luck"
Are you sure you’d have to cover the travel if you moved? If you got a job somewhere else, surely you’d split the travel ?
OP : we don’t know all the background as to how it arrived at where it is now. Have you considered moving nearer to your daughter ? Just for now until she’s older. I know it’s not ideal but it’s an option or would your ex then move again? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can’t help you with legal stuff as myself and my ex sorted the children’s affairs out ourselves but when I moved to Essex a year and a half ago (which isn’t a million miles away but is still a journey for the kids) and it was my choice to move, the cost of getting the children from Kent to here is down to me and back home again.
I used to go down in the car and pick them up and bring them back again and do the same in return on the Sunday which was costing me about £60 a weekend on travel, they have to get the train now due to my car being out of action and costs about the same once you factor in tube and bus, takes them a good two hours to get here (so not much difference timewise) they are a lot older though 12-17.
Hope you get it sorted.
Geeky x |
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"You have to move to be closer to your daughter so get looking for a new job and new house your kids come 1st "
 it reads like his partner moved away with the child. Are you proposing the OP should uproot his life every time his ex moves? Have you any experience of exes and how petty and spiteful some people can be? As a mother I haven’t and wouldn’t have put such a distance between my child and her father. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You have to move to be closer to your daughter so get looking for a new job and new house your kids come 1st
it reads like his partner moved away with the child. Are you proposing the OP should uproot his life every time his ex moves? Have you any experience of exes and how petty and spiteful some people can be? As a mother I haven’t and wouldn’t have put such a distance between my child and her father."
Well said Hun, spot on |
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"You have to move to be closer to your daughter so get looking for a new job and new house your kids come 1st
it reads like his partner moved away with the child. Are you proposing the OP should uproot his life every time his ex moves? Have you any experience of exes and how petty and spiteful some people can be? As a mother I haven’t and wouldn’t have put such a distance between my child and her father."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Feels abit weird posting a subject like this to this site but here goes.. Quite personal and don't open up to close family never mind a site like this! But hoping for some sound advice from a lot of men in my position and women who agree or disagree with my ex.
Was a long time ago now but I moved 250 miles away and was made to do half the travel by a judge as I moved the child away.
Don't think you'll have any problems getting the order amended.
If she uses finances as an excuse (which I did) the judge will say she gets csa for your child so to use that.
I would defiantly advise you to take it back to court. Make sure you have all the proof of your traveling costs. Judges lover paper.
My daughter is 7 years of age. For the last 7 years I've been making the journey from Liverpool to Kent to visit my daughter (that's her home now, from 3months). I will try and cut a long story short.. I've done all the travelling for 7 years, I've got an contact order against her due to her stopping me seeing her for some pathetic reasons, here's a few examples. 1- giving her, her first kfc aged 5. 2- aged 6 I left her to bath alone, so she can play with her toys... She shaved her legs!! I called my ex to tell her this, she then stops contact. You've got an idea to what she's like now! This is what I deal with every day.
I brought up equal travel to the judged about 18 months ago, what i wanted was for my ex to meet me in London for the handover, saves me going all the way to Kent to then comes straight back. She was pregnant at the time of my request and she said "I can't I'm pregnant". I didn't have a leg to stand on. Now, 18 months on and now reviewing CSA of £69.84 (including £15 arrears) I'd like to propose her to meet me half way at London, has she got any excuse valid enough to come up with in court?
Apparently I need to apply for a C79 to ammend the order but I don't want to go all the way down there for a judge to say no, nothing I can do. The older I'm getting, financially it's getting tougher. The month I have my daughter it's costing £70 a week CSA plus £250 there an back travel, plus to support her whilst she's here.
I get this is quite deep, I've been advised to walk away but I've fought hard to get to this stage! Any advice on how to improve my situation? "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Feels abit weird posting a subject like this to this site but here goes.. Quite personal and don't open up to close family never mind a site like this! But hoping for some sound advice from a lot of men in my position and women who agree or disagree with my ex.
Was a long time ago now but I moved 250 miles away and was made to do half the travel by a judge as I moved the child away.
Don't think you'll have any problems getting the order amended.
If she uses finances as an excuse (which I did) the judge will say she gets csa for your child so to use that.
I would defiantly advise you to take it back to court. Make sure you have all the proof of your traveling costs. Judges lover paper.
My daughter is 7 years of age. For the last 7 years I've been making the journey from Liverpool to Kent to visit my daughter (that's her home now, from 3months). I will try and cut a long story short.. I've done all the travelling for 7 years, I've got an contact order against her due to her stopping me seeing her for some pathetic reasons, here's a few examples. 1- giving her, her first kfc aged 5. 2- aged 6 I left her to bath alone, so she can play with her toys... She shaved her legs!! I called my ex to tell her this, she then stops contact. You've got an idea to what she's like now! This is what I deal with every day.
I brought up equal travel to the judged about 18 months ago, what i wanted was for my ex to meet me in London for the handover, saves me going all the way to Kent to then comes straight back. She was pregnant at the time of my request and she said "I can't I'm pregnant". I didn't have a leg to stand on. Now, 18 months on and now reviewing CSA of £69.84 (including £15 arrears) I'd like to propose her to meet me half way at London, has she got any excuse valid enough to come up with in court?
Apparently I need to apply for a C79 to ammend the order but I don't want to go all the way down there for a judge to say no, nothing I can do. The older I'm getting, financially it's getting tougher. The month I have my daughter it's costing £70 a week CSA plus £250 there an back travel, plus to support her whilst she's here.
I get this is quite deep, I've been advised to walk away but I've fought hard to get to this stage! Any advice on how to improve my situation? "
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