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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi I know I few people may look down there noses at me for this but hear it is , I have been mates with a disabled woman who is a wheel chair user for a long time and we get on really great, but just lately she has been dropng sexual inuwedo into our talks, and last night she said that she would really love to fuck me , now she is a attractive woman but this is awful of me I know but I can't see past her chair and she her as a sexual partner I'm I completely out of order |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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in my opinion (for what its worth) i think you need to talk to her, tell her that as much as you enjoy your chats/banter/friendship, you dont see it being sexual, as long as you havnt led her on she should appriciate your honesty |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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not at all
be a man and tell her in an honest and understanding way
don't crawl away from it as that way you may well lose her friendship which by the sounds of it is something you value |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just the right height for a bj!
But seriously if your attracted and everthing is in working order go for it. Think of all the free parking whenever you go anywhere |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your not completely out of order though I'm sure you and her could have quite a healthy sex life if you decided to. At the end of the day though you can't do something if you don't feel comfortable about it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am not sure how Disabled this lady is .. and theres lots of ways to have sex oral sex .. maybe she would love to give you a blow job or somthing .. just because she is disabled she still have needs ....... if you get on with this lady ....... tell her how you feel and she will understand i am sure .... its good to be open if you can . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just the right height for a bj!
But seriously if your attracted and everthing is in working order go for it. Think of all the free parking whenever you go anywhere"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"not at all
be a man and tell her in an honest and understanding way
don't crawl away from it as that way you may well lose her friendship which by the sounds of it is something you value "
Not sure if 'crawl away' is an appropriate term in this instance. Lol. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you for you insights so far , no I haven't led her on in any way she a good mate and trying to find rite words to let her down with out her being paranoid about her handicap, so far I have got to I value our friendship as it's important to me if you cross that line I feel it would destroy that bond we have as friends |
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You need to be honest with her, there is no point letting her think there is a chance of a sexual relationship if the 'spark' isn't there.
I'm sure she would hate a sympathy shag and this way hopefully two friends can continue being that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you for you insights so far , no I haven't led her on in any way she a good mate and trying to find rite words to let her down with out her being paranoid about her handicap, so far I have got to I value our friendship as it's important to me if you cross that line I feel it would destroy that bond we have as friends "
If she ask you for alot more and you cant handle it . Be open and tell her you see her as just a good mate and you value this .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The age old dilemma of shagging a friend. The friendship is most important. If you shag her then that will change forever one way or another. Keep it simple....I'll come and shag her for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You find her attractive so is it the wheelchair or the friendship that's the stumbling block? Obviously talk is required but you may find that makes it easier to have some fun. Sometimes you might not fancy a meet when they show up but after some pressureless chat everything easses and fun can be had.
But friendships can also be ruined by moving into sexual waters.
A recent condom thread elsewhere got me thinking about a profile I once saw of a girl who said she was HIV+. The loneliness of it broke my heart and I imagine being in a wheelchair is not easy on one's sexuality. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your life your decision but as has been said sometimes sex can actually spoil a good friendship
I really doubt your dilemma has anything to do with the fact that she is disabled if it did I feel the choice would have been an easy one for you and you would have had no need to post
So I personally think that you feel it may alter your friendship
And there is only you knows if you are willing to risk that
Good luck to the both of you whatever you decide xx |
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If she wasn't disabled and you just didn't fancy her would telling her be a problem? If the root of this is you have a good mate who you don't fancy but don't want to risk losing a good friendship by messing around with, I'm sure she will understand. We have all been fancied by someone who doesn't feel the same.
If you just are not sure how the mechanics of sex with a disabled person works and don't want to risk offending her, I am sure you can find plenty of advice on the web or through disability groups. Maybe you can look into that before you see her again. You will probably find information from people in similar circumstances and might help you explain to her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
If you just are not sure how the mechanics of sex with a disabled person works and don't want to risk offending her, I am sure you can find plenty of advice on the web or through disability groups. Maybe you can look into that before you see her again. You will probably find information from people in similar circumstances and might help you explain to her."
Surely it would be the same as with someone not in a wheelchair. All depends on what level of feeling she has the lower half of her body. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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You know something you are all very insightful and helpful people pardon the pun but your all fab thank you for all the posts I feel alot more relaxed about the whole situation now and don't think I'm as bad as I thought |
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"Hi I know I few people may look down there noses at me for this but hear it is , I have been mates with a disabled woman who is a wheel chair user for a long time and we get on really great, but just lately she has been dropng sexual inuwedo into our talks, and last night she said that she would really love to fuck me , now she is a attractive woman but this is awful of me I know but I can't see past her chair and she her as a sexual partner I'm I completely out of order "
Your profile say's "Im very openminded and always up for trying new things" ..... So yep your a twat  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do you not think, and kill me if I am wrong here (its ok, I have 7 lives left, meeow), its what other people think that may hold you back? Not asking you to self analysise, but if its a reason to "preserve friendship" then thats fair enough, but if you are more concerned with "what people would say if they found out" that is a bit well, shallow.
I think the real issue here is that you are a libertine, and someone being in a wheelchair implies a "needy" person (note I said "implied", this is not necessarily true). You dont mind NSA, but could you explain this to the lady in question without upsetting her, and therefore you feeling guilty (guilt is always magnified when we feel we have wronged people with limited defence).
Ho hum |
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To play Devils Advocate:
Your friend has said that she would like to fuck you.
Is she wasn't in a wheelchair would you fuck her?
If so, are you discriminating against her because she is disabled? (Again, I'm playing Devils Advocate)
She didn't say (correct me if I'm wrong) I really like you and I'd like us to have a relationship.
She just said fuck.
So, treating all people equally, if you'd fuck an able bodied girl for the asking - and let's not forget we're talking about this on a swingers site - why wouldn't you fuck your this girl?
There may be some complications, depending on the type and level of her disability, but if there are she'll be able to let you know what they are and any allowances/changes you would need to make.
But if you're on a swingers site looking for sex, and are turning down the offer of no-strings sex at the same time, maybe you need to think about it a bit more.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The only thing i ask is not to lead her on and think theres hope when theres not ...... she may look at you being nice to her and helping as you like her in other ways too ..... if its never going to be on offer sex and things say but pick your words so it dont hurt her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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just my opinion here
a wheelchair user is someone that uses a chair just like able-bodied people just their feet, the chair is just part of them nothing else.
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Sorry OP but I can't shot chuckling at the irony of your username and the question.
Chuckling aside.... it's a shame if you think she is attractive and it's her chair which puts you off.
But we can't help what we do and don't find appealling... even if it is not attached to the person.
I hope you have changed your mind about the guff of I value you too much as a friend... most people see comments like that for what they are... a fob-off.
If you don't fancy her... then that should be reason enough and acceptable if not delivered like a brick through a window.
If you do fancy her and it really is just the chair, may be you should have a deeper think inside yourself as to why it is such a barrier. If it is a barrier because of things you don't know.... may be asking a few questions will help. |
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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago
near kings lynn |
As others have said if you find her attractive and would be interested but the chair is putting you off then thats one of those things you will either be able to get past or not.
If you dont find her attractive then the fact that she is in a chair is regardless then its still a no thanks but you have to say it isnt to do with the chair but see her purely as a friend.
My good male friend from high school at one point considered asking me out on a date but luckily my mum did tell him that she knew I thought of him only as a fiend and wether he was in a chair or not my feelings of friendship meant it wasnt going to change. We are still good friends and that wont change.
Hope you get it all sorted x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi I know I few people may look down there noses at me for this but hear it is , I have been mates with a disabled woman who is a wheel chair user for a long time and we get on really great, but just lately she has been dropng sexual inuwedo into our talks, and last night she said that she would really love to fuck me , now she is a attractive woman but this is awful of me I know but I can't see past her chair and she her as a sexual partner I'm I completely out of order "
not at all
it does not matter what it is, be it somesones size, colour or disability, if your not sexually attracted to someone you cant change that
I think its better for you to say no, than have sex with her not really wanting to but doing it because you feel you cant say no
thats wrong!
I dont think i could have sex with someone in a wheel chair, does not make me a bad person, but at the end of the day we all have our ideals and fantasies about sex and having sex with someone who isnt able to move round the bed properly does not fall into any of my fantasies |
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Not having read all the comments , my tuppenceworth is this :
If you have real friendship, consider that she wanst to take it further and have sex. If you still can't do that with her, be a good friend,be honest with her and either stand aside or evne help her find someone suitable who can. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Each to their own and all that, but half the people on this site couldn't 'move round the bed properly'"
the ones i shag do, cause i bloody make sure they do |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi I know I few people may look down there noses at me for this but hear it is , I have been mates with a disabled woman who is a wheel chair user for a long time and we get on really great, but just lately she has been dropng sexual inuwedo into our talks, and last night she said that she would really love to fuck me , now she is a attractive woman but this is awful of me I know but I can't see past her chair and she her as a sexual partner I'm I completely out of order
not at all
it does not matter what it is, be it somesones size, colour or disability, if your not sexually attracted to someone you cant change that
I think its better for you to say no, than have sex with her not really wanting to but doing it because you feel you cant say no
thats wrong!
I dont think i could have sex with someone in a wheel chair, does not make me a bad person, but at the end of the day we all have our ideals and fantasies about sex and having sex with someone who isnt able to move round the bed properly does not fall into any of my fantasies"
just a comment to this, what a a person who has had both legs cut off as i know a guy like this and hes great at moving around on his stumps and his g/f dont mind |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well the OP said that the lady was an attractive woman and not I am attracted to her, so I dont know whether he would be interested regardless of the chair.
But it is not a bad thing to be put off by disability. Everyone is so scared of not being politically correct that they pretend that these type of things wouldnt bother them. If it does, it does. No point in lying to yourself and them and pretend it doesnt.
She does need to be told, as her sexual innuendo is obviously making you uncomfortable. Dont try and come out with a line typical of the 'its not you its me' statement. Most people would be pissed off at that, they would rather honesty.
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