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Advice needed
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I have a moral dilemma and would like some opinions. I’m aware there are a lot of men and women who play away from home without their other halves consent. Doesn’t usually concern me. However there is a guy on here I’ve known for some years who is dating on old friend of mine. The guy is having meets and has set up a couples profile with another female. They are meeting together as a couple and separately as well as attending clubs. I doubt all sex is safe sex. Do I tell her what he’s doing? Or do I keep shut and hope she never finds out. They do live together with children (from other partners but living as a family). |
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"Absolutely, 100% sure it's him?
100% he’s messaged me on here and confirmed. Obviously asking me to keep quiet "
Difficult for you but I would always keep well out of it. That isn't a popular opinion but their ya go. |
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Tricky.
If it were me then I would want to know.
Put yourself (as best you can) in her shoes, would you want to know?
Nothing is ever black and white but frankly, the fact that he’s aware that you are who you are and still he’s asking you to keep quiet, my own personal view is what an utter tosspot.
You have to take the risk that the messenger may be shot but again, I think I’d live with that.
However, you’re not me and you know your friend better than any of us so it really is going to be your call. We can give advice till the cows come home but ultimately it’s what you feel that matters.
What’s your gut telling you?
I don’t envy your position at all. Its easy to turn a blind eye. Not so easy to upset a family dynamic and feel partly responsible if the shit hits the fan. Good luck.
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"Tricky.
If it were me then I would want to know.
Put yourself (as best you can) in her shoes, would you want to know?
Nothing is ever black and white but frankly, the fact that he’s aware that you are who you are and still he’s asking you to keep quiet, my own personal view is what an utter tosspot.
You have to take the risk that the messenger may be shot but again, I think I’d live with that.
However, you’re not me and you know your friend better than any of us so it really is going to be your call. We can give advice till the cows come home but ultimately it’s what you feel that matters.
What’s your gut telling you?
I don’t envy your position at all. Its easy to turn a blind eye. Not so easy to upset a family dynamic and feel partly responsible if the shit hits the fan. Good luck.
"
Couldn’t have explained how i feel any better. Personally I’d want to know. I just know this would break her |
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"Absolutely, 100% sure it's him?
100% he’s messaged me on here and confirmed. Obviously asking me to keep quiet
How did he know who you are?"
Because he messaged me with pics and I replied. I have nothing to hide |
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"Tricky.
If it were me then I would want to know.
Put yourself (as best you can) in her shoes, would you want to know?
Nothing is ever black and white but frankly, the fact that he’s aware that you are who you are and still he’s asking you to keep quiet, my own personal view is what an utter tosspot.
You have to take the risk that the messenger may be shot but again, I think I’d live with that.
However, you’re not me and you know your friend better than any of us so it really is going to be your call. We can give advice till the cows come home but ultimately it’s what you feel that matters.
What’s your gut telling you?
I don’t envy your position at all. Its easy to turn a blind eye. Not so easy to upset a family dynamic and feel partly responsible if the shit hits the fan. Good luck.
Couldn’t have explained how i feel any better. Personally I’d want to know. I just know this would break her "
If he was on as a single male, that would be bad. But he’s also on with another woman as a couple. And to cap it off, he’s brazen enough to ask you to cover for him!!! I’m usually pretty non judgemental on the ‘playing away’ thing because everyone has their reasons - but this sounds as shifty as f*ck to me & it also sounds like she’s a pretty close friend.
4 choices IMO
1. Say nothing, act dumb if she finds out & I'm guessing hate yourself for lying.
2. Tell him he has a week to stop what he’s doing, get off Fab & buck his ideas up (is he really likely to do it? Doubtful)
3. Tell him that he has a week to come clean. Collect the evidence before he can delete it & use it to ensure he does & doesn’t just cover his tracks & go to ground.
4. Collect the evidence & go to her with it. Arm her with the information & be there to support her.
There’s always option 5 which it’s set up a fake profile for her to catfish him & catch him in the act ... but that’s got to come after option 4.
Like other people have said, you may have to be prepared to get caught in the crossfire. How will she react to you? But equally how will she react if you say nothing & she finds out anyway & then discovers you knew?
If it were one of my close friends, I’d go with 4 and 5
Good luck OP; not a good place to be in!! xx |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
I feel for you OP. Usually I'd say keep out of it but setting up a couples profile with someone and going to clubs while trying to play happy families? Sounds like he wants the whole bakers not just his cake!!!
Your friend will be mortified if she finds out.....but.....so many buts
She might not believe you
She might hate you
She'll loose what she probably thinks is her ideal man
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can't not tell people, I'm a rubbish liar so I'm always truthful and would always hope someone (especially a friend) would tell me if they knew as I would want to know. I have come across associates partners on dating sites and have always told them in the politest way possible then I leave it at that so they can do as they wish with that info |
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He's messaged you so I'd want to have a serious discussion with him.
Your friendship is at risk if he informs her that you knew.
In general I think it's right not to get involved but he has already done that by messaging you. Serious discussion time and take it from there. |
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"Absolutely, 100% sure it's him?
100% he’s messaged me on here and confirmed. Obviously asking me to keep quiet
How did he know who you are?
Because he messaged me with pics and I replied. I have nothing to hide "
I'm not suggesting you have.
You outed yourself when you replied to him thereby involving yourself, he's involved you further by asking you not to say anything. Its a mess which I would want to stay well clear of. However if you choose to speak to your friend tell her only what you know to be fact then walk away from it.
I normally advocate not telling but he's involved you by asking you to keep quiet and that's not fair of him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree with _ophieslut!!
I also think the other guys are right in that your damned either way!
But! You have to go with your gut as I suspect it will eat you up if you don't do, what you feel is right!!
Good luck with whatever you decide |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have a moral dilemma and would like some opinions. I’m aware there are a lot of men and women who play away from home without their other halves consent. Doesn’t usually concern me. However there is a guy on here I’ve known for some years who is dating on old friend of mine. The guy is having meets and has set up a couples profile with another female. They are meeting together as a couple and separately as well as attending clubs. I doubt all sex is safe sex. Do I tell her what he’s doing? Or do I keep shut and hope she never finds out. They do live together with children (from other partners but living as a family). "
Its none of you're business, H |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unless it was a current close friend, I'd stay well out of it personally. You'd have to explain where you saw him and it would compromise your own position on here and the potential for backlash.
There is a reason that 'shoot the messenger' is a well known saying.
Good luck in whatever you decide OP. At the end of the day, only you can know what to do for the best  |
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"Unless it was a current close friend, I'd stay well out of it personally. You'd have to explain where you saw him and it would compromise your own position on here and the potential for backlash.
There is a reason that 'shoot the messenger' is a well known saying.
Good luck in whatever you decide OP. At the end of the day, only you can know what to do for the best "
Very tricky, but we tend to agree with this advice. We try very hard not to get involved in others’ relationships. But definitely a rock and a hard place  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have similar. A guy who is on here I KNOW has a pregnat girlfriend. We aren't friends bur facebook friends as we went to school together.
On new years day she wrote a gushy facebook post about how amazing he is and what a great year they will have... he posted a meet and status on here looking for "new years day fun".
It's gross. If it were me I would want to know but I don't want to get involved in their lives |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have been in a similar situation .I saw my friends boyfriend holding hands shopping with a women .I told my friend and she fell out with me as didn't believe me .she believed the man she loved .But 4 months later he left her for the women he held hands with .We still dont speak .
Id do the same again as i would want to know .  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me it would all depend on if your still good close friends with her or not, if she's an old friend who you don't really see anymore and is just a face you'd casually say hey to in the street then id just keep my mouth shut and mind my own business, but if she's still a very good close friend then I would be looking out for her and say something. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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thing is we only know one side of the story
what happens if his wife has agreed to this and the friend isnt aware as frankly its not of her damn business
yeah i am turning the conversation but when i was in a open relationship with my long term ex partner we never told friends. very close friends knew but that was it. |
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"thing is we only know one side of the story
what happens if his wife has agreed to this and the friend isnt aware as frankly its not of her damn business
yeah i am turning the conversation but when i was in a open relationship with my long term ex partner we never told friends. very close friends knew but that was it. "
He's asked her to keep it quiet. I do agree though, it's only one side of the story. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"thing is we only know one side of the story
what happens if his wife has agreed to this and the friend isnt aware as frankly its not of her damn business
yeah i am turning the conversation but when i was in a open relationship with my long term ex partner we never told friends. very close friends knew but that was it.
He's asked her to keep it quiet. I do agree though, it's only one side of the story."
thing is it could be anything
shes friends with them and upset for her friend
he turned her down
we will never know |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How about have a hypothetical discussion with her about a "different" friend who is in the same position and ask her what she would do? After that you could make s decision on what to do. |
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"I have a moral dilemma and would like some opinions. I’m aware there are a lot of men and women who play away from home without their other halves consent. Doesn’t usually concern me. However there is a guy on here I’ve known for some years who is dating on old friend of mine. The guy is having meets and has set up a couples profile with another female. They are meeting together as a couple and separately as well as attending clubs. I doubt all sex is safe sex. Do I tell her what he’s doing? Or do I keep shut and hope she never finds out. They do live together with children (from other partners but living as a family). "
You say "old" friend, does this mean friend for ages or someone who used to be a friend ?
If it's a friend for ages tell her (if you'd want her to tell you)
If it's a friend from years ago keep out of it
If a friendship breaks up because you've been honest then it's not worth having |
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"thing is we only know one side of the story
what happens if his wife has agreed to this and the friend isnt aware as frankly its not of her damn business
yeah i am turning the conversation but when i was in a open relationship with my long term ex partner we never told friends. very close friends knew but that was it.
He's asked her to keep it quiet. I do agree though, it's only one side of the story.
thing is it could be anything
shes friends with them and upset for her friend
he turned her down
we will never know "
Trust me haha he has not turned me down. Oh that made me laugh. You as a single female on here should know we get plenty of attention. Even if he had turned me down (which he has not) do you really think that’s a reason I would cause trouble?! I think it’s safe to say from my profile I have all the fun I need from the people I consider fun and trust worthy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"thing is we only know one side of the story
what happens if his wife has agreed to this and the friend isnt aware as frankly its not of her damn business
yeah i am turning the conversation but when i was in a open relationship with my long term ex partner we never told friends. very close friends knew but that was it.
He's asked her to keep it quiet. I do agree though, it's only one side of the story.
thing is it could be anything
shes friends with them and upset for her friend
he turned her down
we will never know
Trust me haha he has not turned me down. Oh that made me laugh. You as a single female on here should know we get plenty of attention. Even if he had turned me down (which he has not) do you really think that’s a reason I would cause trouble?! I think it’s safe to say from my profile I have all the fun I need from the people I consider fun and trust worthy. "
im actually just saying there is two sides thats all |
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"thing is we only know one side of the story
what happens if his wife has agreed to this and the friend isnt aware as frankly its not of her damn business
yeah i am turning the conversation but when i was in a open relationship with my long term ex partner we never told friends. very close friends knew but that was it.
He's asked her to keep it quiet. I do agree though, it's only one side of the story.
thing is it could be anything
shes friends with them and upset for her friend
he turned her down
we will never know
Trust me haha he has not turned me down. Oh that made me laugh. You as a single female on here should know we get plenty of attention. Even if he had turned me down (which he has not) do you really think that’s a reason I would cause trouble?! I think it’s safe to say from my profile I have all the fun I need from the people I consider fun and trust worthy. "
I think what's being said here is that it isn't a great idea to advise third party to take potentially life altering action based on only one side of the story.
I don't think anyone thinks badly of you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I think what's being said here is that it isn't a great idea to advise third party to take potentially life altering action based on only one side of the story.
I don't think anyone thinks badly of you."
ythis
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Give him a week to come clean,and then tell her if he hasn't.He could pass all sorts of diseases on to her if he is playing bareback.Morally it's a no brainer.The guy is a piece of shit |
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"Great advice above. What if he reads this?
He’ll know he’s a tosser?! 
And also know she told the wife or pre empt!!"
Why would she care what he thinks?
It is an awful situation and not one that I’d wish to be in but I am gonna go and ask my mates what they’d want me to do just out of curiosity. I’ll report back but I’m almost certain all of them would want to know.
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