FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Is it "ok"...

Is it "ok"...

By *lem-H-Fandango OP Man over a year ago

salisbury

To turn down a trans woman because she's a trans woman? Not a transvestite, not a cross dresser but a legal female trans woman. Not because you don't fancy her etc etc, but purely because she was born into the wrong gender body. I don't think so, what say you?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Surely you only want to turn people down because you’re not attracted to them?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yes. It is.

You're allowed to say no to anyone for whatever reason you so desire.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would agree.

If she is legally a woman and post-op, turning her down because of her history is not aceptable in my opinion.

She couldn't help being born in the wrong body.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Feel free to turn them down, we have free choice and whilst your reasons may not be acceptable to some - you still have the choice xx

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman over a year ago

stourbridge area

So she was a guy .... but now a woman ?

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"To turn down a trans woman because she's a trans woman? Not a transvestite, not a cross dresser but a legal female trans woman. Not because you don't fancy her etc etc, but purely because she was born into the wrong gender body. I don't think so, what say you? "

Is this a p word question?!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It comes down to choice there is no right or wrong with likes and dislikes

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think it's perfectly acceptable to turn down anyone for any reason whatsoever

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By *issBehavingxxWoman over a year ago

Glasgow

"Yes. It is.

You're allowed to say no to anyone for whatever reason you so desire.

^^^ This.

Is it ok to turn someone down because they're bi / straight?

Is it ok to turn someone down because they're bald?

Is it ok to turn someone down because they're black / white / asian?

Is it ok to turn someone down because they're too tall / too short?

Is it ok to turn someone down because they're too fat / too thin?

The list could be endless, and anyone can turn someone down for any reason they want to.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Anyone has the right to turn anyone down for their own reasons.

It's freedom of speech and choice.

Even if we don't agree. It's the same as people who don't like different ethnicities. Race and colour isn't a choice but people are turned down for it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sigh.

Let's just look at it another way.

How many of you have had long term relationships with boyfriends and girlfriends in your life?

If you have, you can't really understand the trans experience, because most of them find it very difficult, a lot more difficult than you. Is that what you'd call normal?

Is it oh for a lot of straight guys to be horny for a tgirl as long as his mates don't find out?

Sheesh, a guy gets a few knockbacks in here and he's posting threads about how unfair it all is.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nobody should ever feel that they have to justify attraction or lack of attraction, whatever the reason for it.

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By *lem-H-Fandango OP Man over a year ago

salisbury

Is this a p word question?! "

Of course.

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By *lem-H-Fandango OP Man over a year ago

salisbury

Nobody should ever feel that they have to justify attraction or lack of attraction, whatever the reason for it."

But what I'm saying is this, if you fancy the person but then find out they are trans. And you no longer want to meet them, surely your transphobic.

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By *lem-H-Fandango OP Man over a year ago

salisbury

This kind of thing.

https://youtu.be/g2KsZHRrFpU

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's "ok" to turn anyone down.its your life,your body your choice.

I would be more concerned with the fact you need to ask others wether it's ok to spend time with a certain type of person.

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By *kyblue1878Couple over a year ago

Southport

Why ask? It's your choice, everybody has their own comfort zones. Political correctness gone mad again. Some people write it's their preference to meet only black or only white. So what.....its a choice, your own opinion. If you're not comfortable and you don't fancy them then don't do it, regardless of gender, colour, or any other differences.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Let's put this question into reverse shall we?

Is it ok to turn a trans man down because he was born into the wrong body and wanted a cock not a pussy?

As previous posters have said it is up to the individual to decide who they do and do not wish to meet.

Myself I would meet a man who used to have a pussy

I would meet a woman who used to have a dick

I would base my decision on what they were like and what they wanted to do sexually.

XXX XXX

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's probably better than going with a trans woman just to see how she compares with a 'female bodied from birth woman'.Sort of treating her as some kind of experiment.

Having experienced both (in the real world,not so much on fab),I can say that being rejected by a guy who fancied me right up to the moment I told him 'the awful truth' made me a bit sad but didn't make me angry,I didn't hate him for it.But, the other situation P'ed me off a lot more.

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By *ieman300Man over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

It is ok. Anyones reasons whatever they may be are valid. Stock answer i know but it is that for a reason.

I only want to have sex with a woman who was born a woman. My choice.

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By *lem-H-Fandango OP Man over a year ago

salisbury

"It is ok. Anyones reasons whatever they may be are valid. Stock answer i know but it is that for a reason.

I only want to have sex with a woman who was born a woman. My choice."

Sounds a bit "phobic" to be honest.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It is a personal choice. OK? Can we get that out of the way? Nobody's saying you have to fancy a trannie.

And breathe, Lisa. I apologise if I get a little tetchy - I have actually felt like screaming at times - but I'm emotionally drained from having to deal with everything since CBB started. But better to do it while it's a hot topic than when everybody's forgotten about it again.

So OK, you've got your rights. Happy now? Let's move on and find some progress.

We've decided it's not wrong to decline a trans woman, or man. But wait, why did you decline them? Just because they're trans? Or just because you didn't fancy them? You have that right, just as I have a right to think you're prejudiced if you did it just because they're trans. Hey, it's my right, stop whinging.

But it's not really right and wrong which matters. I want you to think of how you would feel in their place. Just have some empathy, not indignance that "it's my right" etc etc.

People with facial disfigurements have trouble finding partners, I think you'd agree. You have some sympathy for them, right? Well, it's not the same but it's kinda like that for trans folk. It's as hard to find long term loving partners. You can get the one nighters but love is harder to find than for the general cisgender population, which I think you'll all agree is already tough enough for you.

This week, a female friend and I texted each other at the same time about Andrew getting angry with India and calling her a "dickhead" and a "prick." We both said these are not words men usually use with women. Cow, bitch, cunt, there's no shortage of words men use for women but "dickhead" and "prick" they reserve for men(and don't start giving me that one time your cousin's mate called a woman a prick.) You know this to be true.

In Andrew's subconscious, he was making that distinction between genetic woman and trans woman. That's ok, it's not easy to get over and I don't want to throw the baby out with the bath water. Andrew is generally a good guy and wants to be accepting. He's covering up his subconscious, which we all do, partly because otherwise it's be chaos and partly because we all want to be good people.

But the distinction is still being made in most people's minds. And it's that distinction which causes people to say they don't fancy a trannie.

So please just try to have a little more empathy rather than making it all about your rights. Everybody should have a right to be loved equally.

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By *amissCouple over a year ago

chelmsford

Nobody should ever feel that they have to justify attraction or lack of attraction, whatever the reason for it.

But what I'm saying is this, if you fancy the person but then find out they are trans. And you no longer want to meet them, surely your transphobic."

No, I don't think so, maybe just unsure of the unknown.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

It's personal preference but how we communicate a rejection is within our control and most decent people would show sensitivity and empathy towards someone.

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman over a year ago

stourbridge area

CBB .... ???.... surley your not implying Mr Tumble is transgender ???.....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think it's perfectly acceptable to turn down anyone for any reason whatsoever "
.

I concur wholeheartedly

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By *alkirkbairnMan over a year ago

Grangemouth

As long as your polite in the manner in which you turn them down then of course you can say no

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By *queekyCheesyCouple over a year ago

newark

Yes or no.. dont give a shit

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

I think it's perfectly acceptable for someone to turn down another person, for whatever reason they have.

It's called preferences, but I would say that in certain circumstances, using tact, compassion & thinking exactly how you word that turn down would be essential.

Personally if I'm attracted to a person, I'm attracted the person I've met.

Not what they used to look like, or how they used to be, the way they were born.

So yes I'd happily meet a transgender person, if I there was an attraction.

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By *adame BWoman over a year ago

C'est moi Boudoir

As established, we all have the right to turn down someone but the reasoning behind it is the part that becomes questionable.

For me, being with someone is based on a group package of looks, interaction, chemistry and morals.

If I was interested up to the point of the person disclosing that they are a fully transitioned male or female, nothing has changed for me and I am still interested.

You haven't hidden behind the word hypothetical but I won't jump to any assumptions. If a person changes their mind after disclosure then they have to examine where that stems from and why. If they can self assess if it's ok to turn the other person down then they can self assess what makes them think like that.

Madame B

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By *ieman300Man over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"It is ok. Anyones reasons whatever they may be are valid. Stock answer i know but it is that for a reason.

I only want to have sex with a woman who was born a woman. My choice.

Sounds a bit "phobic" to be honest. "

You can call it phobic. That is your right to think so. If it is phobic so what? What I choose doesn't affect anyone does it? I am just answering your question. For the record I don't think it is phobic just my taste.

I find certain Men good looking. I find certain Trans good looking. I just don't wish to have sex with them that is all.

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By *lem-H-Fandango OP Man over a year ago

salisbury

Its a bit like white folk who won't fuck other white folk who have had sex with other races say they're not racist, it's a preference...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Its a bit like white folk who won't fuck other white folk who have had sex with other races say they're not racist, it's a preference..."

It's a bit like a women saying no to a man who had sex with a particular woman.

Not sure what you'd call it but It's rife and has no basis in race or gender.

You could argue it's more a case of person A judging person B due to their preference for person C. Not person A having a "phobia" of or judging person C.

But what do I know?

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By *lem-H-Fandango OP Man over a year ago

salisbury

"Its a bit like white folk who won't fuck other white folk who have had sex with other races say they're not racist, it's a preference...

It's a bit like a women saying no to a man who had sex with a particular woman.

Not sure what you'd call it but It's rife and has no basis in race or gender.

You could argue it's more a case of person A judging person B due to their preference for person C. Not person A having a "phobia" of or judging person C.

But what do I know? "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You can turn down anyone at anytime it's your body and only you get to decide what's done with it

But if you wanted to have sex with them before knowing why deny yourself and them the fun ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As established, we all have the right to turn down someone but the reasoning behind it is the part that becomes questionable.

For me, being with someone is based on a group package of looks, interaction, chemistry and morals.

If I was interested up to the point of the person disclosing that they are a fully transitioned male or female, nothing has changed for me and I am still interested.

Madame B "

Exactly, I think it’s hard to know until you’re faved with the situation but id liked to think I’d be open to a relationship based on all those things because that’s the most important thing

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By *rontier PsychiatristMan over a year ago

Coventry

By the same argument is it not ok to turn down anyone you don't fancy? Everyone's right to consent is golden, so yes. You don't have to explain your terms for consent to anyone.

What worries me is the voices of some controversial trans women is being used by anti trans voices to scaremonger and demonise all trans women.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yes. It is.

You're allowed to say no to anyone for whatever reason you so desire.

What he said

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By *apascouseMan over a year ago

Liverpool

"Yes. It is.

You're allowed to say no to anyone for whatever reason you so desire.

What he said "

I agree with this everyone is entitled to their own opinion and make their own decisions

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"It's personal preference but how we communicate a rejection is within our control and most decent people would show sensitivity and empathy towards someone."

Yes this. Who we fancy or don't is totally capricious most of the time anyway, and often down to 'that indefinable something', positive or negative.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nobody should ever feel that they have to justify attraction or lack of attraction, whatever the reason for it

But what I'm saying is this, if you fancy the person but then find out they are trans. And you no longer want to meet them, surely your transphobic."

But you didn't fancy them because you fancied something they are NOT! Just like fancying a delicious chicken sandwich only to discover it's actually a turkey sandwich which you do not like and didn't order. If that makes a person turkeyphobic, so be it. If I pose as a lesbian woman to another woman, make her fall in love with me, then whip out my cock on the day of reckoming, does that make that lesbian a Malephobic misandrist? In fact, doesn't this mean that all orientations of exclusivity are phobic of the gender they do not want to bone? Yes, it does. Deception is not ok. There's no excuse for it. Using pc policies to force people into relationships they don't want is a return to barbarianism and it's a diabolical branch of r-culture and has no milder a stench. Born men identifying as women who feel entitled to other people's bodies without their express desire are still born men believing they are entitled to other people's bodies without their express desire and consent, only they now identify as women. Nobody is entitled to anyone's person, not women, not men, not transmen and not transwomen.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think it would be wrong to fuck someone you didn't want to. It would be an insult to the person being fucked. Better the fuck-er fucked off and left the fuck-ee to people who weren't bothered they were born a different gender.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You can turn down anyone at anytime it's your body and only you get to decide what's done with it

But if you wanted to have sex with them before knowing why deny yourself and them the fun ? "

Why deny yourself the vagina you've been looking forward to that they don't have? Or the relationship leading to family and biological children through the uterus they don't have? Why deny yourself that penis you aren't looking forward to?

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

"Its a bit like white folk who won't fuck other white folk who have had sex with other races say they're not racist, it's a preference...

It's a bit like a women saying no to a man who had sex with a particular woman.

Not sure what you'd call it but It's rife and has no basis in race or gender.

You could argue it's more a case of person A judging person B due to their preference for person C. Not person A having a "phobia" of or judging person C.

But what do I know?

The difficulty with applying terms like phobic to sexual desire is that a person's sexuality has generally been seen as an area of total autonomy. Thus, if a straight man refused to work with or drink with gay men, everyone would say he was homophobic. If he refuses to have sex with a gay man, that is fine because he has sexual autonomy. Isn't it the same with transgender people?

The logical conclusion of importing concepts of equal opportunities into sexuality is that, just as someone who refuses to employ someone based on their gender, race, sexuality, transgender status and so on would rightly be seen as prejudiced, anyone refusing to have sex with someone on those grounds would be seen as prejudiced.

This from someone deeply suspicious of the "no blacks and Asians just our preference" brigade. I just think the logical conclusion of asserting that its phobic to refuse people on the grounds of physical characteristics must inevitably be that choice of sexual partners based on any physical grounds becomes illegitimate.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You can turn down anyone at anytime it's your body and only you get to decide what's done with it

But if you wanted to have sex with them before knowing why deny yourself and them the fun ?

You my friend are on the wrong site if you are looking for children

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By *sGivesWoodWoman over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"It is ok. Anyones reasons whatever they may be are valid. Stock answer i know but it is that for a reason.

I only want to have sex with a woman who was born a woman. My choice.

Sounds a bit "phobic" to be honest. "

How so? Since when have preferences been classed as phobic? We are all allowed choices.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

"It is ok. Anyones reasons whatever they may be are valid. Stock answer i know but it is that for a reason.

I only want to have sex with a woman who was born a woman. My choice.

Sounds a bit "phobic" to be honest.

How so? Since when have preferences been classed as phobic? We are all allowed choices. "

If I "prefer" not to employ, eat with or spend time with transgender people I think it's pretty clear that preference is phobic.

Some preferences are phobic and some aren't. The word "preference" is not a get out of jail free card.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You can turn down anyone at anytime it's your body and only you get to decide what's done with it

But if you wanted to have sex with them before knowing why deny yourself and them the fun ?

You my friend are on the wrong site if you are looking for children "

You my friend need to get off the site more if you think this topic and issue only pertains to swingers and people on fabswingers site. And I can only hope that you aren't making a sexual joke involving children. Because I personally don't find that shit funny in the least. If not, apologies.

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By *loswingersCouple over a year ago

Gloucester

If the guy who was gonna fuck her finds out she used to be a he , and gets his head messed up about it , then yes it’s fine to say no . He isn’t gonna perform very well , so she would be put out by the meet anyway .

Is it phobic ? Probably , but so what ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yes. It is.

You're allowed to say no to anyone for whatever reason you so desire.

^^^ This.

Is it ok to turn someone down because they're bi / straight?

Is it ok to turn someone down because they're bald?

Is it ok to turn someone down because they're black / white / asian?

Is it ok to turn someone down because they're too tall / too short?

Is it ok to turn someone down because they're too fat / too thin?

The list could be endless, and anyone can turn someone down for any reason they want to.

"
there u have it?

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By *lkDomWhtSubBiCpleCouple over a year ago

Somewhere / Everywhere /Kinksville

Nobody should ever feel that they have to justify attraction or lack of attraction, whatever the reason for it.

But what I'm saying is this, if you fancy the person but then find out they are trans. And you no longer want to meet them, surely your transphobic."

Do you have to justify to yourself or others why you don’t want to meet? If you don’t you don’t, simples.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If I found out a woman I was going to sleep with used to be a man. I would change my mind too, I’d buy her a drink and have a chat instead.

BUT this doesn’t mean it’s phobic at all!just my choice.

This word gets thrown around too much these days.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Even if it is transphobic, surely there are more important things to worry about in terms of discrimination

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nobody should ever feel that they have to justify attraction or lack of attraction, whatever the reason for it.

But what I'm saying is this, if you fancy the person but then find out they are trans. And you no longer want to meet them, surely your transphobic."

Yep. I said I won't fuck black men and got told I'm racist. You have to fuck them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I would agree.

If she is legally a woman and post-op, turning her down because of her history is not aceptable in my opinion.

She couldn't help being born in the wrong body."

I have turned down trans people (men and women) in the past, but because I didn't fancy them, not because of their gender identity. That's fine, but if you find them attractive and then find out that they're trans and turn them down then that's less ok.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

"It is ok. Anyones reasons whatever they may be are valid. Stock answer i know but it is that for a reason.

I only want to have sex with a woman who was born a woman. My choice.

Sounds a bit "phobic" to be honest.

How so? Since when have preferences been classed as phobic? We are all allowed choices.

If I "prefer" not to employ, eat with or spend time with transgender people I think it's pretty clear that preference is phobic.

Some preferences are phobic and some aren't. The word "preference" is not a get out of jail free card. "

So that means that we should have sex with people that we don't want to so we aren't classed as phobic?!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/robin-williams-matt-damon-Dvw2lJqlTuJmo

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nobody should ever feel that they have to justify attraction or lack of attraction, whatever the reason for it

But what I'm saying is this, if you fancy the person but then find out they are trans. And you no longer want to meet them, surely your transphobic.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I would agree.

If she is legally a woman and post-op, turning her down because of her history is not aceptable in my opinion.

She couldn't help being born in the wrong body.

So if a person fancies someone but then finds out they're married and turns them down because of it, that's not ok?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You can turn down anyone at anytime it's your body and only you get to decide what's done with it

But if you wanted to have sex with them before knowing why deny yourself and them the fun ?

You my friend are on the wrong site if you are looking for children

We would never make a sexual joke about children

Our point is this it's a swingers site and he says turn down not, not get into a relationship with you made it into something more than just sex. We come here to talk about swinging nothing else

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By *hetalkingstoveMan over a year ago

London

So that means that we should have sex with people that we don't want to so we aren't classed as phobic?!

That's your choice, innit?

Some people think eating meat is seriously unethical. You then have the choice of eating meat and living with their bad opinion of you, or agreeing with them and going veggie.

Same with this issue. If some people think your sexual choices are transphobic or racist, you can live with that or you can think about where those choices come from and whether you think they are completely prejudice free.

No one is going to make anyone have sex with anyone. There's no need to get over dramatic just because someone thinks your morals might be a bit off. It happens all the time to everyone.

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"T Nobody is entitled to anyone's person, not women, not men, not transmen and not transwomen. "

Yup, this.

And there is a great deal of water between 'want to fuck' and a phobia.

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By *lem-H-Fandango OP Man over a year ago

salisbury

"I would agree.

If she is legally a woman and post-op, turning her down because of her history is not aceptable in my opinion.

She couldn't help being born in the wrong body.

So if a person fancies someone but then finds out they're married and turns them down because of it, that's not ok?"

Being married is not a gender or even a race. You can be "not married". It's an ethical question, nothing more.

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By *adame BWoman over a year ago

C'est moi Boudoir

The opening message and another comment further down by the op stated that it was not because you don't fancy them but purely because the person is transgender.

That makes it not about physical attraction and therefore in my opinion phobic because the attraction is there but because the other person was previously a male or female has now changed their opinion of them and they no longer want to sleep with them.

Yes it's ok to say no to sleeping with that person but yes in my opinion it's transphobic.

Madame B

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you find someone attractive regardless if they are black, blue, pink, green, trans, alien....you get my drift then you are attracted to them, if it happened to us then it wouldn’t be an issue because we would still be attracted to her even if she told us about her past. the issue if she used to have a willy etc wouldn’t come into it, just makes more conversation lol!!

We all have a past some more than others and sometimes they make the most interesting people to meet.

Geeky x

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By *lmostthereMan over a year ago

Southampton

Turning her down for what?

Ladies lawn tennis?

Henry VIII at the RSC?

Cravate de notaire on daddy's desk?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It is ok. Anyones reasons whatever they may be are valid. Stock answer i know but it is that for a reason.

I only want to have sex with a woman who was born a woman. My choice.

Sounds a bit "phobic" to be honest. "

Pisses me off how people throw “phobic” or “phobia” around. He’s not scared of transgender, he’s just not attracted to them

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By *lem-H-Fandango OP Man over a year ago

salisbury

"It is ok. Anyones reasons whatever they may be are valid. Stock answer i know but it is that for a reason.

I only want to have sex with a woman who was born a woman. My choice.

Sounds a bit "phobic" to be honest.

Pisses me off how people throw “phobic” or “phobia” around. He’s not scared of transgender, he’s just not attracted to them"

Hmmm, i think somebody needs to read the op again.

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By *lem-H-Fandango OP Man over a year ago

salisbury

"The opening message and another comment further down by the op stated that it was not because you don't fancy them but purely because the person is transgender.

Yes it's ok to say no to sleeping with that person but yes in my opinion it's transphobic.

Madame B

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It is ok. Anyones reasons whatever they may be are valid. Stock answer i know but it is that for a reason.

I only want to have sex with a woman who was born a woman. My choice.

Sounds a bit "phobic" to be honest.

Pisses me off how people throw “phobic” or “phobia” around. He’s not scared of transgender, he’s just not attracted to them

Hmmm, i think somebody needs to read the op again. "

Are you scared of transgender people? I mean, if you see a transgender person, do you run in fear? Like when an arachnophobic sees a spider?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is it OK. ...not to read ANY of the posts before I send my own?

Is it OK to feel lazy and not motivated to be interesting or funny or kind or flirty, but still want to chat?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Is it OK. ...not to read ANY of the posts before I send my own?

Is it OK to feel lazy and not motivated to be interesting or funny or kind or flirty, but still want to chat?"

No it’s not ok! Read the thread like everyone else you threadphobic!

I’m not commenting on the second half of your post because I didn’t read it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would say it is ok as long as it's due to preference and not prejudice (which there is no way to tell either way) to be its the same as people seeking a certain race or dick size, it's just that person's choice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OK. Read most of those. Yawn.

Is it OK not to answer?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"OK. Read most of those. Yawn.

Is it OK not to answer?"

Will you catch me up on what’s been said? I haven’t read most of them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hahaha threadphobic. Yahhh. Or maybe I'm threadist?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hahaha threadphobic. Yahhh. Or maybe I'm threadist?"

Ether way you are a monster!!!

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

Of course it's ok. Is the converse, that it's not ok, mean that you have to have sex with them?

Do men have to have sex with men, to ensure they aren't homophobic?

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Of course it's ok. Is the converse, that it's not ok, mean that you have to have sex with them?

Do men have to have sex with men, to ensure they aren't homophobic?"

Of I don't want to fuck my gay friend, am I homophobic?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think you can turn down anyone for whatever reason you want. It's our choice who we have sex with.

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

If.....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Of course it's ok. Is the converse, that it's not ok, mean that you have to have sex with them?

Do men have to have sex with men, to ensure they aren't homophobic?

Of I don't want to fuck my gay friend, am I homophobic?"

Yes! And if you don’t have sex with me right away, you are heterophobic!

I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yes. It is.

You're allowed to say no to anyone for whatever reason you so desire.

This

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Of course it's ok. Is the converse, that it's not ok, mean that you have to have sex with them?

Do men have to have sex with men, to ensure they aren't homophobic?

Of I don't want to fuck my gay friend, am I homophobic?

Yes! And if you don’t have sex with me right away, you are heterophobic!

I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules "

Damn I've been doing it all wrong!! But he was heterophobic anyway, he didn't want to fuck me!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It is ok. Anyones reasons whatever they may be are valid. Stock answer i know but it is that for a reason.

I only want to have sex with a woman who was born a woman. My choice.

Sounds a bit "phobic" to be honest.

Pisses me off how people throw “phobic” or “phobia” around. He’s not scared of transgender, he’s just not attracted to them

Hmmm, i think somebody needs to read the op again.

Are you scared of transgender people? I mean, if you see a transgender person, do you run in fear? Like when an arachnophobic sees a spider?"

People have been known to run away from me screaming

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Of course it's ok. Is the converse, that it's not ok, mean that you have to have sex with them?

Do men have to have sex with men, to ensure they aren't homophobic?

Of I don't want to fuck my gay friend, am I homophobic?

Yes! And if you don’t have sex with me right away, you are heterophobic!

I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules

Damn I've been doing it all wrong!! But he was heterophobic anyway, he didn't want to fuck me!

It’s a viscous cycle

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You can turn down anyone at anytime it's your body and only you get to decide what's done with it

But if you wanted to have sex with them before knowing why deny yourself and them the fun ?

You my friend are on the wrong site if you are looking for children

We would never make a sexual joke about children

Our point is this it's a swingers site and he says turn down not, not get into a relationship with you made it into something more than just sex. We come here to talk about swinging nothing else "

The very definition of swinging involves committed relationships primarily...couples.. So just what are you taking about? Are you saying that those in the swinging scene don't enter into relationships with each other? Aren't you swinging in a relationship? Isn't your profile a couples profile? Right! So why do you think relationships are excluded from the subject of turning down particular genders?? That's your own arbitrary restriction you came up with because it conveniently fits along with your above attempt at wit and sarcasm. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the wiseass pokes and jokes at each other's expense. It's just that you failed this round. Try again. The subject of rejection includes all forms of relationship, whether purely sexual, matrimonial, or partnership, cohabitation etc. Trust me, this topic was brought to fab from an external reality. It's not a "fab" issue exclusively our even primarily for that matter.

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By *igdodger13Man over a year ago

sompting

Unfortunately most tram woman still look like men so I wouldn’t be attracted to them

I know I’ve only see about 6 so a small handful but they have all looked manly

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yes it's ok.

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By *arkhorse12345Man over a year ago

Newcastle

Agreed

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By *arkhorse12345Man over a year ago

Newcastle

[Removed by poster at 11/01/18 22:40:34]

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By *oiretblancCouple over a year ago

London

There are so many screwed up men on this website...struggling with their sexual desires and running away from what turns them on!

I am a very sexy and desirable young woman and my pics get fabbed around 300-400 times.

The pics of beautiful trans women get 3000 - 5000 Fabs. So who is doing that I wonder?

I wish I was getting harassed as much!!!

Chanel

xxx

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By *abulously curiousCouple over a year ago

manchester

How and y would u need to know?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Who cares whether it is "ok" or not, OP. It is your choice and your business. If 99 out 100 people disagreed or disapproved, again who cares, it is your choice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If the guy who was gonna fuck her finds out she used to be a he , and gets his head messed up about it , then yes it’s fine to say no . He isn’t gonna perform very well , so she would be put out by the meet anyway .

Is it phobic ? Probably , but so what ?

Exactly this.

If someone turns out to be phobic about me then, as far as I'm concerned, that's their issue not mine. If I'm not good enough for someone for whatever reason, then they are not good enough for me either.(and vice versa,of course).

If someone seemed to like me and then changed their mind because of some assumption about the past then at least I don't have to spend time with that person, listening to their 'opinions'.

Its actually quite a good filter and I feel glad that I have so far been able to avoid talking to any of these people. (They do tend to get on my tits a bit, especially with the apparent assumption that I haven't heard all their crap about chromosones and such like, before about a million times).

And another thing,now I've got started, are we to assume that trans women are so desperate that they will go with just about anyone and the guy is doing her a favour? No. We have the right to turn guys down too,for any reason we feel like.

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By *abulously curiousCouple over a year ago

manchester

Go on the photos and look at ts bet u change ur mind

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By *ieman300Man over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

The thing that has come across more than anything from this thread is you can't freely express a preference without being questioned.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The thing that has come across more than anything from this thread is you can't freely express a preference without being questioned."

I’ve not read the thread, only your comment, just to pre-clarify that ... is there an issue with questions per se, or do you mean that people aren’t asking questions but instead making judgements.

Often people don’t ask clean questions or indeed often people do, but people don’t read them as clean.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It is ok. Anyones reasons whatever they may be are valid. Stock answer i know but it is that for a reason.

I only want to have sex with a woman who was born a woman. My choice.

Sounds a bit "phobic" to be honest.

How so? Since when have preferences been classed as phobic? We are all allowed choices.

If I "prefer" not to employ, eat with or spend time with transgender people I think it's pretty clear that preference is phobic.

Some preferences are phobic and some aren't. The word "preference" is not a get out of jail free card.

So that means that we should have sex with people that we don't want to so we aren't classed as phobic?!

In a nutshell , some people cant grasp the fact that the world shouldnt bend to their will . If someone struggles with their identity then they should be offered advice and help . but when their problems start being thrown onto other peoples problems aswell such as a man talking to what he thinks is a woman to then be told they were a man , to say they are phobic because they dont want to be with a man ? Really? Its pretty selfish from someone trying to make you go agaisnt your morality so they can get some gratitude . Is this even a legit post or just one for attention?

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By *ieman300Man over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"The thing that has come across more than anything from this thread is you can't freely express a preference without being questioned.

I’ve not read the thread, only your comment, just to pre-clarify that ... is there an issue with questions per se, or do you mean that people aren’t asking questions but instead making judgements.

Often people don’t ask clean questions or indeed often people do, but people don’t read them as clean.

I was more or less called trans phobic for my preference of not wanting to have sex with a trans woman and maintaining it is ok for that to be the sole reason. My argument is that is the only reason that I need. It does not mean I am a trans hater or transphobic.

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By *abulously curiousCouple over a year ago

manchester

But how and y would u know

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By *oysvsgirlsMan over a year ago

farnborough

Surely if you're not attracted to them then your reasons are your own gender realignment aside, if it doesntnfeel right then you have every right to say no thank you very much, as long as you're not a dick about it?

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By *ieman300Man over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"But how and y would u know"

Thats a completely different question. Let's just assume you do know and not complicate things further. Feel free to start a new thread asking your question.

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By *ieman300Man over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"Surely if you're not attracted to them then your reasons are your own gender realignment aside, if it doesntnfeel right then you have every right to say no thank you very much, as long as you're not a dick about it?"

Yeah absolutely. Despite my clearly stated viewpoint I would not be an arse about it.

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By *abulously curiousCouple over a year ago

manchester

I'm saying if the girls didn't put ts then u wouldn't know and they don't need to tell u. How do u know along ur sexual travels uve not met one...

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By *ieman300Man over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"I'm saying if the girls didn't put ts then u wouldn't know and they don't need to tell u. How do u know along ur sexual travels uve not met one..."

Yes I know what you mean. But Clems post strongly implies that you do know.

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By *lem-H-Fandango OP Man over a year ago

salisbury

I'm not transphobic......but..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The thing that has come across more than anything from this thread is you can't freely express a preference without being questioned."

...without being slated for it....

People can call me racist, homophobic, transphobic, whatever they like. I still won't fuck them if I don't want to.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You can turn down anyone at anytime it's your body and only you get to decide what's done with it

But if you wanted to have sex with them before knowing why deny yourself and them the fun ?

You my friend are on the wrong site if you are looking for children

We would never make a sexual joke about children

Our point is this it's a swingers site and he says turn down not, not get into a relationship with you made it into something more than just sex. We come here to talk about swinging nothing else

You are looking for wit and sarcasm that doesn't exist we don't use subtext our point is quite simple if this is just a question of sex and you wanted to have sex before knowing that she used to be a he then personally we don't think it should change anything

Maybe it's just a case of what we use this site for is different to you so we look at this from different perspectives. But that's the great thing about fab we can all use it for our own purposes and takeaway from it whatever you want

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

Much more importantly.

Is it OK, to damage the already dificult task of getting lgbt people accepted more widely by mainstream society, by throwing about homophobic and transphobic slurs onto people who are accepting, welcoming and suportive, but don't want to have sex with them?

Comments and atittudes like these hinder lgbt acceptance in my opinion.

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By *lem-H-Fandango OP Man over a year ago

salisbury

"Much more importantly.

Comments and atittudes like these hinder lgbt acceptance in my opinion."

Accepting, welcoming and supportive?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Reminds me of IT Crowd. "You used to be a man? I thought you said you were from Iran!"

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By *lem-H-Fandango OP Man over a year ago

salisbury

"Reminds me of IT Crowd. "You used to be a man? I thought you said you were from Iran!"

I posted that link up the top somewhere.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Reminds me of IT Crowd. "You used to be a man? I thought you said you were from Iran!"

I posted that link up the top somewhere.

Oops busted for not reading the whole thread

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By *ultry SuccubusTV/TS over a year ago

London

" This kind of thing.

https://youtu.be/g2KsZHRrFpU"

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By *lem-H-Fandango OP Man over a year ago

salisbury

"Reminds me of IT Crowd. "You used to be a man? I thought you said you were from Iran!"

I posted that link up the top somewhere.

Oops busted for not reading the whole thread

No problem

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By *lem-H-Fandango OP Man over a year ago

salisbury

"Reminds me of IT Crowd. "You used to be a man? I thought you said you were from Iran!"

I posted that link up the top somewhere.

Oops busted for not reading the whole thread

It's the first post that's important. But seems a lot of people don't read that either!

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

Two points

1. If you are bloke and you get to the stage with a woman where you are both naked and you are ready and willing to fuck her and she tells you she is Trans and then you change your mind, then yes you are prejudiced, given that the only thing stopping you fucking her is your knowledge she is trans.

2. People have a perfect right to not fuck people on the grounds of irrational prejudice. Just as a white person has a perfect right not to socialise with black people because he is irrationally prejudiced against them. Doesn't mean that people can't point out he is racist.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

People have every right to turn down whoever and for what ever reason at any stage no means no doesn't make it right or wrong it's personal choice. Maybe they feel uncomfortable for whatever reason it's not you or anyone's place to judge .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In short the answer is a big fat YES ITS OK

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By *hocoholicWoman over a year ago

The big D

Free will gives u the right to turn down anyone u want. No one is obliged to meet anyone just for the sake of not offending their sexuality.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If a trans-person could answer this I would be very much grateful

Would you rather.

A person turns down sex with you because you are trans?

A person had sex with you, even though they didn't want, because they didn't want to offend you?

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By *ultry SuccubusTV/TS over a year ago

London

"If a trans-person could answer this I would be very much grateful

Would you rather.

A person turns down sex with you because you are trans?

A person had sex with you, even though they didn't want, because they didn't want to offend you?"

I'm very comfortable with the first and won't accept pity fuck.

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By *unandbuckCouple over a year ago

Sheffield

"Much more importantly.

Comments and atittudes like these hinder lgbt acceptance in my opinion.

Accepting, welcoming and supportive?

Yes. There's lots of people who are all those things, but don't want sex with trans people.

In my opinion, you are more much interested in poking people with purposely divisive threads than actually helping lgbt acceptance.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

From a relationship standpoint rather than just sex ...

I could like someone right up to the point they told me they already had kids and that would put me off

I could like someone right up to the point they told me they were very strictly religious (as in i would be expected to convert) and that would put me off

I could like someone right up to the point they told me they work away 70% of the year and that would put me off

I could like someone right up to the point they told me they were trans and that would put me off

OR i could already like someone so much that when they told me any of the above it wouldnt matter

I have personally been like by people until i told them i was involved in swinging and then it put them off

My point is i dont think any of the above makes you "phobic" ... you learn more about someone and you subconciously assess how that fits in with your plan for love and life and it can and will alter your opinion and attraction to them ... or you could already be so attracted to them that any altered perception is acceptable to you

To me "phobic" people are people who just think something different is wrong full stop, they dont want to learn, understand, empathise, accept. Not wanting something for yourself doesnt make you phobic.

Being fully accepting of gay people but not wanting to be gay myself wouldnt make me homophobic so why would being fully accepting of trans people but not wanting to date trans people make me transphobic?

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By *ultry SuccubusTV/TS over a year ago

London

Yes. There's lots of people who are all those things, but don't want sex with trans people.

In my opinion, you are more much interested in poking people with purposely divisive threads than actually helping lgbt acceptance."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If a trans-person could answer this I would be very much grateful

Would you rather.

A person turns down sex with you because you are trans?

A person had sex with you, even though they didn't want, because they didn't want to offend you?

I'm very comfortable with the first and won't accept pity fuck.

What she said

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

"From a relationship standpoint rather than just sex ...

I could like someone right up to the point they told me they already had kids and that would put me off

I could like someone right up to the point they told me they were very strictly religious (as in i would be expected to convert) and that would put me off

I could like someone right up to the point they told me they work away 70% of the year and that would put me off

I could like someone right up to the point they told me they were trans and that would put me off

OR i could already like someone so much that when they told me any of the above it wouldnt matter

I have personally been like by people until i told them i was involved in swinging and then it put them off

Very sensible post, but I suppose the point is in a situation where someone is post op and you only know they are trans because they tell you, what reason could there be for not having sex with them other than prejudice?

I appreciate a relationship might be different (you might want children for example) but casual sex?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If a trans-person could answer this I would be very much grateful

Would you rather.

A person turns down sex with you because you are trans?

A person had sex with you, even though they didn't want, because they didn't want to offend you?

I'm very comfortable with the first and won't accept pity fuck.

What she said

Although more of a pc fuck than pity fuck in this instance

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I appreciate a relationship might be different (you might want children for example) but casual sex? "

It might be something you haven't thought about before and are not sure you are comfortable with yet be that for your own insecurities or sexual boundaries

I am not sure how to out this across tactfully so apologies if i offend but at the end of the day it is not a "natural womans body" it is a male body which has been surgically amended to replicate a woman body ... and i think that it is understandable that some people might take a bit of time to come round to that or might never come round to it at all

Is it prejudice? I guess it probably is ... but people seem to forget that prejudice is "pre judging" before you really know and is something we all do in every area of life every day but does not always carry such negative connotations

I dont beleive having a prejudice and being phobic are the same thing

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By *ieman300Man over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

" I'm not transphobic......but.."

You are just being an arse about it now bud. You asked a question you got answers.

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

I appreciate a relationship might be different (you might want children for example) but casual sex?

It might be something you haven't thought about before and are not sure you are comfortable with yet be that for your own insecurities or sexual boundaries

I dont beleive having a prejudice and being phobic are the same thing "

Again, very reasonable, but the situation where you fancy a woman, get to the bedroom, get naked and are all ready to go until she tells you she is transferring. Irrational prejudice?

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

Trans not transferring!

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By *infullysweetCouple over a year ago

Swindon

If we being p.c then I guess not. But then if we were all being p.c we wouldn't be able to state our preferences on here. E.g. Couples only (is it the guys fault he can't get a misses) guys with big cocks (not his fault he was born with a tiny cock) girls a certain size (could be medical and not in their control).

At the end of the day we all have the right to say no. It doesn't matter the reason. And I'm sure no one wants a yes purely because they feel like they can't say no.

The creator of this post is looking for petite women with big boobs is that any more or less exceptable than any other preference I think not.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I appreciate a relationship might be different (you might want children for example) but casual sex?

It might be something you haven't thought about before and are not sure you are comfortable with yet be that for your own insecurities or sexual boundaries

I dont beleive having a prejudice and being phobic are the same thing

Again, very reasonable, but the situation where you fancy a woman, get to the bedroom, get naked and are all ready to go until she tells you she is transferring. Irrational prejudice? "

I dont think it really matters if its irrational prejudice or not ... if in that moment something is not for you sexually then you have to say sorry not for me

If i was a guy and got in the bedroom naked and a woman told me bareback only am i then allowed to be prejudiced about her sexual health - of course i am

If someone withholds any information to that minute you have been left with no choice but to make a decision on what you already believe / are comfortable with ie "pre judge" and any decision you make has to be ok

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By *ultry SuccubusTV/TS over a year ago

London

I'm very comfortable with the first and won't accept pity fuck.

What she said

Although more of a pc fuck than pity fuck in this instance

We got the fabs chat room for that...

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By *inkyLondonpairCouple over a year ago

London

I appreciate a relationship might be different (you might want children for example) but casual sex?

It might be something you haven't thought about before and are not sure you are comfortable with yet be that for your own insecurities or sexual boundaries

I dont beleive having a prejudice and being phobic are the same thing

Again, very reasonable, but the situation where you fancy a woman, get to the bedroom, get naked and are all ready to go until she tells you she is transferring. Irrational prejudice?

I dont think it really matters if its irrational prejudice or not ... if in that moment something is not for you sexually then you have to say sorry not for me

If i was a guy and got in the bedroom naked and a woman told me bareback only am i then allowed to be prejudiced about her sexual health - of course i am

But the bareback thing isn't analogous. A reason for withdrawing there is perfectly rational. A health reason. I suppose a rational reason for refusing a trans person might be the dishonesty but I suspect that would be rare.

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By *ootleCouple over a year ago

Romford, Essex

Back to the OP’s original question !!!

Of course, it’s OK to turn them down, we all have a right to our own preferences.

But – it’s not OK to turn them or any other person down who’s lifestyle differs from ours with any form of malice or detriment.

We also don’t have the right to pass judgment on others because of gender, color, religion, disability, have a cock or don’t have a cock…….etc, etc.,etc.

Thankfully we are all different and diverse – that’s what makes it such a wonderful world to live in.

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By *ieman300Man over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"From a relationship standpoint rather than just sex ...

I could like someone right up to the point they told me they already had kids and that would put me off

I could like someone right up to the point they told me they were very strictly religious (as in i would be expected to convert) and that would put me off

I could like someone right up to the point they told me they work away 70% of the year and that would put me off

I could like someone right up to the point they told me they were trans and that would put me off

OR i could already like someone so much that when they told me any of the above it wouldnt matter

I have personally been like by people until i told them i was involved in swinging and then it put them off

I appreciate a relationship might be different (you might want children for example) but casual sex? "

This is simply rubbish. I am not comfortable with having sex with a man. I am also not comfortable with a man who has transitined to be a woman. It's that simple. No further reasoning is required.

If I find out before getting horizontal I would explain my thoughts and hope the person understood. If I found out after sex I would be annoyed and would consider myself misled. If I never found out then obviously I wouldn't care.

I don't think any of that is unrational.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You can decide who you want to meet or not.

So long as everyone is honest about who they are and their preferences for a meet in their profile I can't see a problem as the situation can be avoided.

If you approach someone who's clearly stated who they are then it seems odd to then reject them. Equally if someone who is trans approaches someone who hasn't put this preference in their profile then a 'no thanks' can be expected ...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I appreciate a relationship might be different (you might want children for example) but casual sex?

It might be something you haven't thought about before and are not sure you are comfortable with yet be that for your own insecurities or sexual boundaries

I dont beleive having a prejudice and being phobic are the same thing

Again, very reasonable, but the situation where you fancy a woman, get to the bedroom, get naked and are all ready to go until she tells you she is transferring. Irrational prejudice?

I dont think it really matters if its irrational prejudice or not ... if in that moment something is not for you sexually then you have to say sorry not for me

If i was a guy and got in the bedroom naked and a woman told me bareback only am i then allowed to be prejudiced about her sexual health - of course i am

Your own insecurity, beliefs and boundaries are also all rational reasona for refusing something you are not familiar with

This probably wont be a popular way to word it but here goes

A trans person believes they have been born into the wrong body and idenify with a gender they were not born with

however in the same way that each religion had a belief which they see to be the "one truth" and yet they are all different ... some people do not have this same believe that trans people do and they are perfectly entitled to it and nobody should be able to tell them they are wrong or the trans person is wrong

As long as their actions towards a trans person are respectful , not derogatory etc there is nothing wrong with having a different view and deciding that both that view point or sexual intimacy with a trans person is not for you

Somewhere along the line i feel like acceptance of what people class to be minority or discriminated against groups seems to have been blurred from "live and let live" to a rhetoric of "you must believe as i believe and think and i think and allow me into every aspect of your life or you are still against me" and i think that is unhelpful

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By *ieman300Man over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

"Back to the OP’s original question !!!

Of course, it’s OK to turn them down, we all have a right to our own preferences.

But – it’s not OK to turn them or any other person down who’s lifestyle differs from ours with any form of malice or detriment.

We also don’t have the right to pass judgment on others because of gender, color, religion, disability, have a cock or don’t have a cock…….etc, etc.,etc.

Thankfully we are all different and diverse – that’s what makes it such a wonderful world to live in.

Yup. I would say no thank you, you are not me.

The day I say I am not fucking you cos you are a gay freak is the day someone can call me out for being trans phobic and no sooner.