FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > An FWB? Let’s be honest here
An FWB? Let’s be honest here
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"The fact that they are such a difficult thing to find must mean that somehow the whole concept of them doesn't work in reality? "
I think that quite a few people enter a fwb relationship with no intention of it remaining that way. They think they can change the other person's mind. |
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"The fact that they are such a difficult thing to find must mean that somehow the whole concept of them doesn't work in reality? "
I do think it is a flawed concept and very liable to be extremely damaging, and I have had some great fb and fwb. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The fact that they are such a difficult thing to find must mean that somehow the whole concept of them doesn't work in reality?
I do think it is a flawed concept and very liable to be extremely damaging, and I have had some great fb and fwb."
All the things that seem to be wanted in a fwb are relationship type things. I don't see how they can be given, ie the cuddles the hand holding walks etc without it leading to love (if you get on obvs) . Laying yourself bare like that without any commitment of it going further must be hard, esp if you like them enough to do it in the first place
I've never had one so I don't know |
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By *adame BWoman
over a year ago
C'est moi Boudoir |
"The fact that they are such a difficult thing to find must mean that somehow the whole concept of them doesn't work in reality?
I do think it is a flawed concept and very liable to be extremely damaging, and I have had some great fb and fwb.
All the things that seem to be wanted in a fwb are relationship type things. I don't see how they can be given, ie the cuddles the hand holding walks etc without it leading to love (if you get on obvs) . Laying yourself bare like that without any commitment of it going further must be hard, esp if you like them enough to do it in the first place
I've never had one so I don't know "
Oh I had a different concept of it and if it's what you are saying then I can see how emotions would develop. I was a single female on fab and now part of a couple, I only ever had one person I repeated meets with. I class him as a Friend. We go for coffee, chat about fab etc...never held hands, cuddled or anything remotely relationship like but really enjoy being with him sexually. I don't do solo meets since meeting Fooey so it's threesomes and foursomes with him now
Madame B |
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"The fact that they are such a difficult thing to find must mean that somehow the whole concept of them doesn't work in reality?
I do think it is a flawed concept and very liable to be extremely damaging, and I have had some great fb and fwb.
All the things that seem to be wanted in a fwb are relationship type things. I don't see how they can be given, ie the cuddles the hand holding walks etc without it leading to love (if you get on obvs) . Laying yourself bare like that without any commitment of it going further must be hard, esp if you like them enough to do it in the first place
I've never had one so I don't know "
Yes, sometimes it is very hard to limit, and sometimes it does indeed go much further. Other times it is so easy and you both know there is never any danger of complications, so you are simply free to express your affectionate and tactile nature as friends.
I had one fb who used to rip my clothes off the moment I went through the door, and we had great passionate sex, but then both really looked forward to cuddling up with intertwined bodies like lovers to play agony aunt for each other on our respective love lives with other people!
In my opinion there has to be free communication, openness and honesty. I consider that the baseline for all forms of friendship anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The fact that they are such a difficult thing to find must mean that somehow the whole concept of them doesn't work in reality?
I do think it is a flawed concept and very liable to be extremely damaging, and I have had some great fb and fwb.
All the things that seem to be wanted in a fwb are relationship type things. I don't see how they can be given, ie the cuddles the hand holding walks etc without it leading to love (if you get on obvs) . Laying yourself bare like that without any commitment of it going further must be hard, esp if you like them enough to do it in the first place
I've never had one so I don't know
Yes, sometimes it is very hard to limit, and sometimes it does indeed go much further. Other times it is so easy and you both know there is never any danger of complications, so you are simply free to express your affectionate and tactile nature as friends.
I had one fb who used to rip my clothes off the moment I went through the door, and we had great passionate sex, but then both really looked forward to cuddling up with intertwined bodies like lovers to play agony aunt for each other on our respective love lives with other people!
In my opinion there has to be free communication, openness and honesty. I consider that the baseline for all forms of friendship anyway."
Sounds good to me. It almost perfectly describes how for me a fwb might work in the real world.
Maybe I'm just not fwb material as it seems so hard to find... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The fact that they are such a difficult thing to find must mean that somehow the whole concept of them doesn't work in reality?
I do think it is a flawed concept and very liable to be extremely damaging, and I have had some great fb and fwb.
All the things that seem to be wanted in a fwb are relationship type things. I don't see how they can be given, ie the cuddles the hand holding walks etc without it leading to love (if you get on obvs) . Laying yourself bare like that without any commitment of it going further must be hard, esp if you like them enough to do it in the first place
I've never had one so I don't know "
Its rare but possible  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The fact that they are such a difficult thing to find must mean that somehow the whole concept of them doesn't work in reality?
I do think it is a flawed concept and very liable to be extremely damaging, and I have had some great fb and fwb.
All the things that seem to be wanted in a fwb are relationship type things. I don't see how they can be given, ie the cuddles the hand holding walks etc without it leading to love (if you get on obvs) . Laying yourself bare like that without any commitment of it going further must be hard, esp if you like them enough to do it in the first place
I've never had one so I don't know
Its rare but possible "
Haha yes I guess I had one once but (as good as) married him |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The fact that they are such a difficult thing to find must mean that somehow the whole concept of them doesn't work in reality?
Difficult to find for who?"
Nearly everyone on the forum for a start? Going by what I read |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Always liked the idea of a FWB, something really sexy about a mutual agreement for pleasure...although from what I see on Fab, a lot of women tend to be out off by it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's worked for me previously. Both parties have to be totally up front about what can and cannot be, and if that works for both, it's fine. If you are looking for a life partner, you will struggle to find a FWB, because the former will always take priority. |
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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago
Hereford |
"The fact that they are such a difficult thing to find must mean that somehow the whole concept of them doesn't work in reality?
Difficult to find for who?
Nearly everyone on the forum for a start? Going by what I read "
I do ok. But then, I don't start threads about it....  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The fact that they are such a difficult thing to find must mean that somehow the whole concept of them doesn't work in reality?
Difficult to find for who?
Nearly everyone on the forum for a start? Going by what I read
I do ok. But then, I don't start threads about it.... "
You must be one of the hidden gems then  |
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By *arlo82Couple
over a year ago
the gym and random places |
"Always liked the idea of a FWB, something really sexy about a mutual agreement for pleasure...although from what I see on Fab, a lot of women tend to be out off by it! "
I think a lot are put off when a guy says it but they have about 10 others on the go as well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Always liked the idea of a FWB, something really sexy about a mutual agreement for pleasure...although from what I see on Fab, a lot of women tend to be out off by it!
I think a lot are put off when a guy says it but they have about 10 others on the go as well. "
Yea I think even from a male perspective, a lot of guys just want to meet someone for a quick fuck and go...they just aren’t interested in building any sort of connection or friendship from it, which is a shame because then us other guys get tarnished with the same brush because women think we will all want to do that, which isn’t always the case - certainly not in mine anyways! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Always liked the idea of a FWB, something really sexy about a mutual agreement for pleasure...although from what I see on Fab, a lot of women tend to be out off by it!
I think a lot are put off when a guy says it but they have about 10 others on the go as well. "
Again, mutual understanding. That might work for all parties but highly unusual/unlikely. I'm strictly one only..my preference. |
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By *arlo82Couple
over a year ago
the gym and random places |
"Always liked the idea of a FWB, something really sexy about a mutual agreement for pleasure...although from what I see on Fab, a lot of women tend to be out off by it!
I think a lot are put off when a guy says it but they have about 10 others on the go as well.
Yea I think even from a male perspective, a lot of guys just want to meet someone for a quick fuck and go...they just aren’t interested in building any sort of connection or friendship from it, which is a shame because then us other guys get tarnished with the same brush because women think we will all want to do that, which isn’t always the case - certainly not in mine anyways!"
Yeah it does tend to become the norm and then it leaves people jaded very much so. |
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By *arlo82Couple
over a year ago
the gym and random places |
"Always liked the idea of a FWB, something really sexy about a mutual agreement for pleasure...although from what I see on Fab, a lot of women tend to be out off by it!
I think a lot are put off when a guy says it but they have about 10 others on the go as well.
Again, mutual understanding. That might work for all parties but highly unusual/unlikely. I'm strictly one only..my preference."
We all want to feel special not just a number.... I'm the first to say I want to be special and come before someone else..why wouldn't I? And for those that say you can't be a swinger then I find that nonsense. Swinging isn't about fucking everyone in the room and looking for that one thing that makes them appealing enough to fuck and go. Hence why fwbs are in such short supply. Most men think swinging even with fwb means do what ever I feel like and justify it by saying "I'm a swinger" |
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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago
Hereford |
"The fact that they are such a difficult thing to find must mean that somehow the whole concept of them doesn't work in reality?
Difficult to find for who?
Nearly everyone on the forum for a start? Going by what I read
I do ok. But then, I don't start threads about it....
You must be one of the hidden gems then "
I'm not. I'm odd.
But in contrast to the tone of the thread, I feel that this is why I tend to attract FWBs as opposed to an actual girlfriend. |
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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago
Hereford |
"Always liked the idea of a FWB, something really sexy about a mutual agreement for pleasure...although from what I see on Fab, a lot of women tend to be out off by it!
I think a lot are put off when a guy says it but they have about 10 others on the go as well.
Again, mutual understanding. That might work for all parties but highly unusual/unlikely. I'm strictly one only..my preference.
We all want to feel special not just a number.... I'm the first to say I want to be special and come before someone else..why wouldn't I? And for those that say you can't be a swinger then I find that nonsense. Swinging isn't about fucking everyone in the room and looking for that one thing that makes them appealing enough to fuck and go. Hence why fwbs are in such short supply. Most men think swinging even with fwb means do what ever I feel like and justify it by saying "I'm a swinger" "
As a slight aside - I don't consider myself a swinger. Maybe that's the difference. |
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By *inful xWoman
over a year ago
In a sleepy little village |
"Always liked the idea of a FWB, something really sexy about a mutual agreement for pleasure...although from what I see on Fab, a lot of women tend to be out off by it!
I think a lot are put off when a guy says it but they have about 10 others on the go as well.
Again, mutual understanding. That might work for all parties but highly unusual/unlikely. I'm strictly one only..my preference.
We all want to feel special not just a number.... I'm the first to say I want to be special and come before someone else..why wouldn't I? And for those that say you can't be a swinger then I find that nonsense. Swinging isn't about fucking everyone in the room and looking for that one thing that makes them appealing enough to fuck and go. Hence why fwbs are in such short supply. Most men think swinging even with fwb means do what ever I feel like and justify it by saying "I'm a swinger" "
I had a status to this effect a few wks ago. I don't want to be 436th in line for even getting a hello  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The fact that they are such a difficult thing to find must mean that somehow the whole concept of them doesn't work in reality?
Difficult to find for who?
Nearly everyone on the forum for a start? Going by what I read
I do ok. But then, I don't start threads about it....
You must be one of the hidden gems then
I'm not. I'm odd.
But in contrast to the tone of the thread, I feel that this is why I tend to attract FWBs as opposed to an actual girlfriend. "
And do you do all the girlfriendy stuff with them and neither of you ever want more |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Always liked the idea of a FWB, something really sexy about a mutual agreement for pleasure...although from what I see on Fab, a lot of women tend to be out off by it!
I think a lot are put off when a guy says it but they have about 10 others on the go as well.
Again, mutual understanding. That might work for all parties but highly unusual/unlikely. I'm strictly one only..my preference.
We all want to feel special not just a number.... I'm the first to say I want to be special and come before someone else..why wouldn't I? And for those that say you can't be a swinger then I find that nonsense. Swinging isn't about fucking everyone in the room and looking for that one thing that makes them appealing enough to fuck and go. Hence why fwbs are in such short supply. Most men think swinging even with fwb means do what ever I feel like and justify it by saying "I'm a swinger" "
I ask all my friends to tell me what going on, and talk. I hate finding out things afterwards what they got upto, pushed me to the side, put me as second choice or a warm up to a their main dish.
The fwb scenario I always imagine, is talking and finding common ground to enjoy, and when swinging enjoying other things but not in a 'secret keep it from each other' type of way. It's those secrets that fuck with me most, when I find out later. If i care about my friends feelings, It would be even better if they could care about mine. |
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"The fact that they are such a difficult thing to find must mean that somehow the whole concept of them doesn't work in reality?
Difficult to find for who?
Nearly everyone on the forum for a start? Going by what I read
I do ok. But then, I don't start threads about it....
You must be one of the hidden gems then
I'm not. I'm odd.
But in contrast to the tone of the thread, I feel that this is why I tend to attract FWBs as opposed to an actual girlfriend.
And do you do all the girlfriendy stuff with them and neither of you ever want more "
Hell no, we are just there to have fun then go back to our normal lives.
That’s what makes it exciting |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The fact that they are such a difficult thing to find must mean that somehow the whole concept of them doesn't work in reality?
Difficult to find for who?
Nearly everyone on the forum for a start? Going by what I read
I do ok. But then, I don't start threads about it....
You must be one of the hidden gems then
I'm not. I'm odd.
But in contrast to the tone of the thread, I feel that this is why I tend to attract FWBs as opposed to an actual girlfriend.
And do you do all the girlfriendy stuff with them and neither of you ever want more
Hell no, we are just there to have fun then go back to our normal lives.
That’s what makes it exciting"
That's true, but too few actually see it that way, which is fine of course. Fab has an underpinning path most start on but many take different routes. |
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"The fact that they are such a difficult thing to find must mean that somehow the whole concept of them doesn't work in reality?
Difficult to find for who?
Nearly everyone on the forum for a start? Going by what I read
I do ok. But then, I don't start threads about it....
You must be one of the hidden gems then
I'm not. I'm odd.
But in contrast to the tone of the thread, I feel that this is why I tend to attract FWBs as opposed to an actual girlfriend.
And do you do all the girlfriendy stuff with them and neither of you ever want more
Hell no, we are just there to have fun then go back to our normal lives.
That’s what makes it exciting
That's true, but too few actually see it that way, which is fine of course. Fab has an underpinning path most start on but many take different routes."
I am married and have been for 33 years.
My FWB’s know this and that will never change.
I don’t need or want anything from them other than the spark that we get when we get together. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The fact that they are such a difficult thing to find must mean that somehow the whole concept of them doesn't work in reality?
Difficult to find for who?
Nearly everyone on the forum for a start? Going by what I read
I do ok. But then, I don't start threads about it....
You must be one of the hidden gems then
I'm not. I'm odd.
But in contrast to the tone of the thread, I feel that this is why I tend to attract FWBs as opposed to an actual girlfriend.
And do you do all the girlfriendy stuff with them and neither of you ever want more
Hell no, we are just there to have fun then go back to our normal lives.
That’s what makes it exciting
That's true, but too few actually see it that way, which is fine of course. Fab has an underpinning path most start on but many take different routes.
I am married and have been for 33 years.
My FWB’s know this and that will never change.
I don’t need or want anything from them other than the spark that we get when we get together."
Sounds like you have found a very good path  |
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"Couples and singles are going to always find contrast when discussing what swinging is i think. It's just my opinion. "
Having a FWB and swinging aren’t the same thing though.
Not in our book anyways. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Couples and singles are going to always find contrast when discussing what swinging is i think. It's just my opinion.
Having a FWB and swinging aren’t the same thing though.
Not in our book anyways. "
I think that's very true, something I didn't understand before joining here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Couples and singles are going to always find contrast when discussing what swinging is i think. It's just my opinion.
Having a FWB and swinging aren’t the same thing though.
Not in our book anyways. "
I complete agree. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Couples and singles are going to always find contrast when discussing what swinging is i think. It's just my opinion.
Having a FWB and swinging aren’t the same thing though.
Not in our book anyways.
I think that's very true, something I didn't understand before joining here. "
You learn a lot on Fab very quickly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Couples and singles are going to always find contrast when discussing what swinging is i think. It's just my opinion.
Having a FWB and swinging aren’t the same thing though.
Not in our book anyways.
I think that's very true, something I didn't understand before joining here.
You learn a lot on Fab very quickly "
I'm still at "Fab for dummies" stage |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
From what I can tell, when a guy says Friend With Benefits he really means Fuck Buddy. He's not going to come round to put up shelves like a friend would. |
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"Always liked the idea of a FWB, something really sexy about a mutual agreement for pleasure...although from what I see on Fab, a lot of women tend to be out off by it!
I think a lot are put off when a guy says it but they have about 10 others on the go as well.
Again, mutual understanding. That might work for all parties but highly unusual/unlikely. I'm strictly one only..my preference.
We all want to feel special not just a number.... I'm the first to say I want to be special and come before someone else..why wouldn't I? And for those that say you can't be a swinger then I find that nonsense. Swinging isn't about fucking everyone in the room and looking for that one thing that makes them appealing enough to fuck and go. Hence why fwbs are in such short supply. Most men think swinging even with fwb means do what ever I feel like and justify it by saying "I'm a swinger"
I ask all my friends to tell me what going on, and talk. I hate finding out things afterwards what they got upto, pushed me to the side, put me as second choice or a warm up to a their main dish.
The fwb scenario I always imagine, is talking and finding common ground to enjoy, and when swinging enjoying other things but not in a 'secret keep it from each other' type of way. It's those secrets that fuck with me most, when I find out later. If i care about my friends feelings, It would be even better if they could care about mine. "
Yes, I feel that way, all friendships are based on openness and honesty, and I give loyalty and respect and expect it in return. |
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I had a few FWB's in my late teens/early 20's, it's easy at that age as nobody is really looking for commitment beyond sex, watching films, having a laugh and going clubbing together. They can be great but all too often one is hiding their true feelings and it's all good fun until one of you meets someone else and the other has to pretend to be fine with it when they're actually heartbroken. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Couples and singles are going to always find contrast when discussing what swinging is i think. It's just my opinion.
Having a FWB and swinging aren’t the same thing though.
Not in our book anyways.
"
I think there are a lot of women and it’s on here who aren’t real swingers |
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"Couples and singles are going to always find contrast when discussing what swinging is i think. It's just my opinion.
Having a FWB and swinging aren’t the same thing though.
Not in our book anyways.
I think there are a lot of women and it’s on here who aren’t real swingers "
I would say a lot of “people” not just women.
But then define what “Swinging” is as everyone will have their own views.
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Couples and singles are going to always find contrast when discussing what swinging is i think. It's just my opinion.
Having a FWB and swinging aren’t the same thing though.
Not in our book anyways.
I think there are a lot of women and it’s on here who aren’t real swingers
I would say a lot of “people” not just women.
But then define what “Swinging” is as everyone will have their own views.
Mr"
It was meant to say women and men |
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"Couples and singles are going to always find contrast when discussing what swinging is i think. It's just my opinion.
Having a FWB and swinging aren’t the same thing though.
Not in our book anyways.
I think there are a lot of women and it’s on here who aren’t real swingers
I would say a lot of “people” not just women.
But then define what “Swinging” is as everyone will have their own views.
Mr
It was meant to say women and men "
Don’t you just love the spell checker  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"People just want me for sex, the other stuff that might be quite nice goes out the window"
Then don't meet people just for sex. Discuss your mutual needs, and if they are not compatible, they are not for you.. |
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"People just want me for sex, the other stuff that might be quite nice goes out the window
Then don't meet people just for sex. Discuss your mutual needs, and if they are not compatible, they are not for you.."
The trouble is people will deceive others, deliberately target and 'befriend' those looking for relationships with intent to manipulate them. It's been suggested to me I should remove it from my profile for that reason. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People just want me for sex, the other stuff that might be quite nice goes out the window
Then don't meet people just for sex. Discuss your mutual needs, and if they are not compatible, they are not for you..
The trouble is people will deceive others, deliberately target and 'befriend' those looking for relationships with intent to manipulate them. It's been suggested to me I should remove it from my profile for that reason."
That's one reason I spend quite a while chatting. If you click, chatting will come easily. If either of you bore of the other quickly, you are not for each other even as fwb. If one is deceiving the other it will invariably show in conversation or they will get bored and move on. I have made a few friends on here I really like just for themselves, and accept we will never meet for a number of reasons, but that's fine too. Every now and then if you chat long enough it will become apparent that you actually stand a chance of getting on even better if you meet. I always suggest a social first with no expectations or obligations. One went with that for starters. The other pretty much dragged me through her front door when I turned up.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"People just want me for sex, the other stuff that might be quite nice goes out the window
Then don't meet people just for sex. Discuss your mutual needs, and if they are not compatible, they are not for you..
The trouble is people will deceive others, deliberately target and 'befriend' those looking for relationships with intent to manipulate them. It's been suggested to me I should remove it from my profile for that reason."
Agree that people will say anything for a fuck. However, it's funny that since I said on my profile that I'm just looking for fwb, I've had no new mail at all.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Couples and singles are going to always find contrast when discussing what swinging is i think. It's just my opinion.
Having a FWB and swinging aren’t the same thing though.
Not in our book anyways.
I think there are a lot of women and it’s on here who aren’t real swingers "
I'm not a Swinger! No fucking way I'd be one of those!!  |
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By *olgate OP Man
over a year ago
on the road to nowhere in particular |
"Couples and singles are going to always find contrast when discussing what swinging is i think. It's just my opinion.
Having a FWB and swinging aren’t the same thing though.
Not in our book anyways.
I think there are a lot of women and it’s on here who aren’t real swingers
I'm not a Swinger! No fucking way I'd be one of those!! "
not even for cake? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Couples and singles are going to always find contrast when discussing what swinging is i think. It's just my opinion.
Having a FWB and swinging aren’t the same thing though.
Not in our book anyways.
I think there are a lot of women and it’s on here who aren’t real swingers
I'm not a Swinger! No fucking way I'd be one of those!!
not even for cake?"
Especially not for cake  |
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or View forums list | |
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By *olgate OP Man
over a year ago
on the road to nowhere in particular |
"Couples and singles are going to always find contrast when discussing what swinging is i think. It's just my opinion.
Having a FWB and swinging aren’t the same thing though.
Not in our book anyways.
I think there are a lot of women and it’s on here who aren’t real swingers
I'm not a Swinger! No fucking way I'd be one of those!!
not even for cake?
Especially not for cake "
Fancy a shag anyway for old times sake |
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