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What is your opinion on this

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Long winded but please bear with me

Last year I matched with a very attractive woman on tinder.

Normally my tinder profile reflects what I want at that time, so if it's just sex then it will say so. If it's something more meaningful it will say so.

So we matched and got chatting and I always make a point of being straight to the point but in a respectful way. However on this occasion I was looking for sex but I hadn't changed my profile to say so.

She found this amusing and even though was looking for something more meaningful she kept exchanging messages with me. Within hours we hit it off in a big way, the conversation flowed and we had clearly clicked. It was getting late so she gave me her number and asked to text her the next day.

On my way to work the next morning I send a "good morning, how are you today?" She replies with one word "horny". I play it off with some light banter and throughout the course of the day we're texting as much as our respective jobs allow. Later that night she turns the subject of conversation to sex, so I bite and few hours later we've shared past experiences, fantasies, likes and dislikes. She ends the conversation by telling me she's soaking wet and going to have a wank before bed whilst thinking of everything we have spoken about that evening.

The next few days go on a lot like this until one day she phones me out of the blue and asks me out on a date of course I say yes. Between us we decide to meet in Leeds city centre, grab a bite to eat and then find a bar where we can talk the night away, with the promise we will swap masturbating story's.

As the days passed we discussed the upcoming date when she says it's dawned on her that finding a quiet bar on a Friday in Leeds will be nigh on impossible so she suggested we go local to her as she knows a cosy pub we can go to and says she will come pick me up.

Awesome. 2 days before she tells me she's had her hair done, on the day of she texts me saying she's been to the salon and is now completely hairless from the neck down. Oh my days this is gonna be a night to remember.

She picks me up and she's even more attractive in person. Off we go and we're chatting and giggling she keeps looking at me with a naughty glint in her eye.

We get to the pub and it's easily the best date I've ever been on. Kicking out time and she asks me back to hers. Drinks in hand, music flowing.

I lean in and make my move. She places a hand on my chest, pushes me back and says "no, not happening!"

Ok. I'm not a jerk, quite the opposite so I say "Ok, that's fine, ladies prerogative"

Clearly I'm disappointed I'm struggling to hide it but I'm not being a dick and respecting her decision. She kicks off accusing me of orchestrating the whole thing. I point out it was 99% her idea. She relents and agrees but is adamant nothing is going to happen and she just wants a friend.

Now that you have this massive back story.

What are your thoughts?

Is she a massive cock tease? Should I have lambasted her for leading me on?

I do acknowledge it's within a woman's rights to to say no at any time but surely this is taking the piss

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By *sGivesWoodWoman over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

She's not taking the piss. She still has every right to say no. Did you think because of the messages you were entitled to sex with her?

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

Yeah taking the piss by the sound's of it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Women have the right to say no and take the piss,it is so written

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Women have the right to say no and take the piss,it is so written"

We have the right to say no absolutely, but it would have been right and decent if she had just said - before she invited you to hers - that there was gonna be no sex despite what you had talked about...

Just out of common decency I think

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So what you're saying is a woman's right to say no at any time is taking the piss if they exercise that right?

Now, there may be a few women who will take advanatage of a man's generosity and desire to get sex as soon as possible and let him take her out, spend his money and then send him home. But they're a very tiny minority, so what are the odds?

She picked you up, so obviously didn't mind doing her bit. Were you taking the piss not offering to get a taxi so she could have a drink?

In order to make an informed evaluation, we'd really have to hear her side of the story.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

What happened next by the way?

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"Women have the right to say no and take the piss,it is so written

Just out of common decency I think "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Maybe spending time together changed her mind.

I've met someone in the past who I'd clicked with online and the more time I'd spent with them the more I knew we weren't compatible.

It happens and I'm sure she wasn't just teasing.

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By *ady LickWoman over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

"Women have the right to say no and take the piss,it is so written

Just out of common decency I think "

This!!

From what you say it does sound like she wanted to have some kind of sex with you. If it was me if I didn't want to I would of made that very clear and probably given you a lift home after the pub.

Odd...

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By *SAchickWoman over a year ago

Hillside desolate

Maybe she just wasn't that into you when you met in person. It happens.

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By *iversong321Woman over a year ago

Preston/Merseyside

So she was ok and giving out positive vibes until you leaned in? Sounds like something turned her off. Have you asked her?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"So what you're saying is a woman's right to say no at any time is taking the piss if they exercise that right?

She picked you up, so obviously didn't mind doing her bit. Were you taking the piss not offering to get a taxi so she could have a drink?

In order to make an informed evaluation, we'd really have to hear her side of the story."

No. You're saying that. I'm saying everything she said and did in the build up and then culminating in her saying no is taking the piss

Also if you remember I said we went to her local pub. So she did have a drink and we went dutch. As for picking me up, why is that my part? FYI I don't drive if I did I would have happily driven or if there was direct public transport I would have made my own way there

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By *cd and scruffCouple over a year ago

Rochester

All the way through is about masturbation. No mention of you two having sex. She wasn't taking the piss no. She was doing what she said. You expected more. Simple.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So what you're saying is a woman's right to say no at any time is taking the piss if they exercise that right?

She picked you up, so obviously didn't mind doing her bit. Were you taking the piss not offering to get a taxi so she could have a drink?

In order to make an informed evaluation, we'd really have to hear her side of the story.

No. You're saying that. I'm saying everything she said and did in the build up and then culminating in her saying no is taking the piss

Culminating in her saying no is taking the piss?

Everyone has a right to say no at any point without it being seen as taking the piss.

I'm out before I say something I shouldn't

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By *infulSandyCouple over a year ago

London

It's true, she doesn't owe you anything and has every right to say no.

However...

The overly macho man inside me tells me you should kick and scream your head off till you get an explanation. However the rational and more calm man inside me tells me you should just ask her specifically what she is after in this relationship and if you cannot find a common ground then go your separate ways.

Maybe you're both on different wavelengths and there's no malice intended from either side, but it's worth making sure you both know where you stand and not waste each others time.

Worse case scenario is that this lack of communication could create a more compromising and misunderstood situation that could become out of hand and land you both in trouble.

Wish you all the best OP

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It sounds to me that she was well into ‘it’ while it was all online and over the phone but changed her mind when it was face to face, it does happen unfortunately and she had every right to say no, even though from what you have said a lot of it was her such as ‘hairless from the neck down’, she may have had every intention to go to bed with you then, even when back at her place but something must have clicked for her to change her mind, of course we don’t know both sides and while I’m not accusing you OP of omitting some details your side, we don’t know what you’ve actually said.

Take it on the chin and move on.

Geeky x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"What happened next by the way?"

The following week she invited me round to hers to watch a movie. I got soaked to the skin getting there and forgot the remote for my firestick. So stayed about an hour and then headed home. A few days later she said she was now cruising tinder for a younger fuck buddy, I suggested that even though I wasn't younger (same age FYI) I could fill the role. She had a go at me for only wanting sex even though I stated that from the beginning but by this point I was getting feelings and did want something more meaningful.

She accused me of lying just to get laid. We argued and haven't spoke since

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’ve just read the initial post and can’t see anywhere where it says she wanted to have sex with you on your date.

Am I missing something?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So she did have a drink and we went dutch."

If you wanted to make a good impression, why didn't you offer to buy her a drink?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I should have mentioned this was last summer. It's just been playing on my mind from time to time

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Shes got every right to say no when ever she wants.

But from you said, she was definitely leading you on.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"So what you're saying is a woman's right to say no at any time is taking the piss if they exercise that right?

She picked you up, so obviously didn't mind doing her bit. Were you taking the piss not offering to get a taxi so she could have a drink?

In order to make an informed evaluation, we'd really have to hear her side of the story.

No. You're saying that. I'm saying everything she said and did in the build up and then culminating in her saying no is taking the piss

Culminating in her saying no is taking the piss?

Everyone has a right to say no at any point without it being seen as taking the piss.

I'm out before I say something I shouldn't

Yes everyone does have that right. But are you saying it's ok to be so graphic and insinuating and then say no?

By all means say the thing you shouldn't. I respect everyone opinion on this matter and I'm not gonna report you or anything like that. So go ahead let me have it

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"What happened next by the way?

She accused me of lying just to get laid. We argued and haven't spoke since

I think that's best by the sound's of it,it sounds confusing as hell

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I’ve just read the initial post and can’t see anywhere where it says she wanted to have sex with you on your date.

Am I missing something?"

Nope not missing anything. But the verbal foreplay was there.

But you're absolutely right. She never said we were gonna have sex

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By *radleywigginsMan over a year ago

northwest

"So she did have a drink and we went dutch.

If you wanted to make a good impression, why didn't you offer to buy her a drink?"

Because we aren't in the 19th century anymore

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"What happened next by the way?

She accused me of lying just to get laid. We argued and haven't spoke since

I think that's best by the sound's of it,it sounds confusing as hell

You develop feeling quickly by the sound's of it as well!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There is a possibility she enjoys dangling a carrot in front of you. Saying she is cruising for others whilst being friends with you is another crank of the handle.

She is where she wants to be. Firmly inside your head.

However you are not going to be where you want to be. Inside her bed.

Cut all ties and see how keen she is to regain contact.

She could be playing games.

However, she has been clear in saying sex isn't going to happen. Don't make the mistake of thinking she is playing hard to get or that she is leading you on.

No means no. Walk away.

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By *wisted999Man over a year ago

North Bucks

"I should have mentioned this was last summer. It's just been playing on my mind from time to time "

Jesus mate not healthy to dwell on that. Way it came across I thought it was a fresh.

She didn’t want to have sex with you in the flesh mate it’s not more complex then that if she was trawling Tinder for someone else.

Time to let it go dude.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"So she did have a drink and we went dutch.

If you wanted to make a good impression, why didn't you offer to buy her a drink?"

I did buy her a drink, then she bought me a drink, then I bought her drink and so on and so forth.

That's going dutch

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

From reading that if I was a man I think I would have at least expected some physical interaction.

As women the right to say no at any time is coupled with the responsibility to be absolutely clear in our intent. There's one side of the story here so whether she was clear from the start isn't obvious but I wouldn't pick a guy up, drive him to a pub and invite him back to mine to swap masturbation stories. From what I read the op behaved honourably.

Put the boot on the other foot. A guy picks a woman up, takes her to a location closer to his home than originally planned, they drink and flirt and he invites her to his home. She makes a move, he says not happening and she's left in a strange place with no transport.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just bin her off mate and onto the next one

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I should have mentioned this was last summer. It's just been playing on my mind from time to time

Jesus mate not healthy to dwell on that. Way it came across I thought it was a fresh.

She didn’t want to have sex with you in the flesh mate it’s not more complex then that if she was trawling Tinder for someone else.

Time to let it go dude. "

It's just one of those experiences that pops in to my head now and again and wanted to get others thoughts on it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

She sounds a right cunt. Fuck her off and have nothing else to do with her

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By *ally_weaverMan over a year ago

Stoneyburn

I'm guessing she either didn't fancy you in person but liked your patter. Or something happened to turn her off you. Or she decided she didn't want anything more.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So she did have a drink and we went dutch.

If you wanted to make a good impression, why didn't you offer to buy her a drink?

Because we aren't in the 19th century anymore "

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By *unky monkeyMan over a year ago

in the night garden

I think she might have had a pooey bum.

It happened to me once.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

were you dressed to impress yourself..

fresh breath

nice aftershave

cleany shaven

polished shoes etc

maybe something put her off

did you make an effort or still have the same clothes on from the morning

just some thoughts

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Was she shocked, angry or upset when you made your move?

Did it come out of the blue or was there physical touching beforehand, a hand on a knee for example?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think she might have had a pooey bum.

It happened to me once."

Ahh, the ol' swamp ass routine.

We've all been there

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There's something missing from this. And not just a response from the op to the observation that sex wasn't mentioned at any point.

In my experience, men aren't very good at picking up negative non verbals and it's my guess that that's what happened here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Was she shocked, angry or upset when you made your move?

Did it come out of the blue or was there physical touching beforehand, a hand on a knee for example?"

Yeah I'd touching her knee and hand throughout our date and was stroking her back before I went to kiss her

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"There's something missing from this. And not just a response from the op to the observation that sex wasn't mentioned at any point.

In my experience, men aren't very good at picking up negative non verbals and it's my guess that that's what happened here."

I've acknowledged it in a later response. But yes I agree completely

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"were you dressed to impress yourself..

fresh breath

nice aftershave

cleany shaven

polished shoes etc

maybe something put her off

did you make an effort or still have the same clothes on from the morning

just some thoughts"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Long story short, she didn't like you as much as you'd hoped once she met you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Was she shocked, angry or upset when you made your move?

Did it come out of the blue or was there physical touching beforehand, a hand on a knee for example?

Yeah I'd touching her knee and hand throughout our date and was stroking her back before I went to kiss her "

Did you ever ask if you could touch her or ask if you could kiss her?

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By *radleywigginsMan over a year ago

northwest

"There's something missing from this. And not just a response from the op to the observation that sex wasn't mentioned at any point.

In my experience, men aren't very good at picking up negative non verbals and it's my guess that that's what happened here."

Just to play the devils advocate here, women aren't as good at sending out the signals as they think.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So what you're saying is a woman's right to say no at any time is taking the piss if they exercise that right?

She picked you up, so obviously didn't mind doing her bit. Were you taking the piss not offering to get a taxi so she could have a drink?

In order to make an informed evaluation, we'd really have to hear her side of the story.

No. You're saying that. I'm saying everything she said and did in the build up and then culminating in her saying no is taking the piss

Culminating in her saying no is taking the piss?

Everyone has a right to say no at any point without it being seen as taking the piss.

I'm out before I say something I shouldn't

Yes everyone does have that right. But are you saying it's ok to be so graphic and insinuating and then say no?

By all means say the thing you shouldn't. I respect everyone opinion on this matter and I'm not gonna report you or anything like that. So go ahead let me have it

Nah I have class.

Respect for changed minds goes a long way though

I see it happened a long time ago so 'Let it go....'

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"There's something missing from this. And not just a response from the op to the observation that sex wasn't mentioned at any point.

In my experience, men aren't very good at picking up negative non verbals and it's my guess that that's what happened here.

Just to play the devils advocate here, women aren't as good at sending out the signals as they think."

I (as a woman) agree that some aren't. This is why I said earlier we need to be clear in our intent.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Was she shocked, angry or upset when you made your move?

Did it come out of the blue or was there physical touching beforehand, a hand on a knee for example?

Yeah I'd touching her knee and hand throughout our date and was stroking her back before I went to kiss her

Did you ever ask if you could touch her or ask if you could kiss her?"

To quote someone else on this thread.

No because it's not the 19th century.

Also I've tried this a fair few times before and was just laughed at, one time a few days later her friends mocked and took the piss for me being a gent.

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By *urlesque!Woman over a year ago

Gloucester

Reminds me of the story of "Tea and consent the British way" - google it if you have not heard of it, it is both enlightening and amusing.

Essentially, everybody (both sexes) have the right to say no at any time irrespective of how much teasing may have gone on beforehand. It is what it is.

Also, I have been in situations where I really liked a guy but as my liking for him grew stronger, my attraction to him started to fade.

It does happen - frustrating perhaps but not uncommon.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Was she shocked, angry or upset when you made your move?

Did it come out of the blue or was there physical touching beforehand, a hand on a knee for example?

Yeah I'd touching her knee and hand throughout our date and was stroking her back before I went to kiss her

Did you ever ask if you could touch her or ask if you could kiss her?

To quote someone else on this thread.

No because it's not the 19th century.

Also I've tried this a fair few times before and was just laughed at, one time a few days later her friends mocked and took the piss for me being a gent. "

I don't think asking permission to touch another person is an outdated concept in the same way that a woman expecting to have all her drinks paid for is

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Was she shocked, angry or upset when you made your move?

Did it come out of the blue or was there physical touching beforehand, a hand on a knee for example?

Yeah I'd touching her knee and hand throughout our date and was stroking her back before I went to kiss her

Did you ever ask if you could touch her or ask if you could kiss her?

To quote someone else on this thread.

No because it's not the 19th century.

Also I've tried this a fair few times before and was just laughed at, one time a few days later her friends mocked and took the piss for me being a gent.

I don't think asking permission to touch another person is an outdated concept in the same way that a woman expecting to have all her drinks paid for is

After he told her he was only looking for sex, the wanking message, the masturbation pictures, the waxing for the date, the changing the busy club for a cosy pub and the invite back to hers. In his position I would have touched her knee, stroked her back on gone in for a kiss.

God only knows who would sit and there say "excuse me miss, would you mind if i touched your knee"

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"From reading that if I was a man I think I would have at least expected some physical interaction.

As women the right to say no at any time is coupled with the responsibility to be absolutely clear in our intent.

That's my thought. Yes, she may have suddenly changed her mind, but if not she was out of order.

No way you should invite a date in for coffee if you do not want some kind of physical contact, or without making it perfectly clear that they are being invited in on the understanding it is for coffee only and nothing physical.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Was she shocked, angry or upset when you made your move?

Did it come out of the blue or was there physical touching beforehand, a hand on a knee for example?

Yeah I'd touching her knee and hand throughout our date and was stroking her back before I went to kiss her

Did you ever ask if you could touch her or ask if you could kiss her?

To quote someone else on this thread.

No because it's not the 19th century.

Also I've tried this a fair few times before and was just laughed at, one time a few days later her friends mocked and took the piss for me being a gent.

I don't think asking permission to touch another person is an outdated concept in the same way that a woman expecting to have all her drinks paid for is

God only knows who would sit and there say "excuse me miss, would you mind if i touched your knee" "

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Was she shocked, angry or upset when you made your move?

Did it come out of the blue or was there physical touching beforehand, a hand on a knee for example?

Yeah I'd touching her knee and hand throughout our date and was stroking her back before I went to kiss her

Did you ever ask if you could touch her or ask if you could kiss her?

To quote someone else on this thread.

No because it's not the 19th century.

Also I've tried this a fair few times before and was just laughed at, one time a few days later her friends mocked and took the piss for me being a gent.

I don't think asking permission to touch another person is an outdated concept in the same way that a woman expecting to have all her drinks paid for is

God only knows who would sit and there say "excuse me miss, would you mind if i touched your knee" "

My argument is with the notion that asking permission to touch a woman or a man is an outdated concept. I agree that under some circumstances its a natural conclusion to previous events but I don't agree that asking is no longer relevant.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Was she shocked, angry or upset when you made your move?

Did it come out of the blue or was there physical touching beforehand, a hand on a knee for example?

Yeah I'd touching her knee and hand throughout our date and was stroking her back before I went to kiss her

Did you ever ask if you could touch her or ask if you could kiss her?

To quote someone else on this thread.

No because it's not the 19th century.

Also I've tried this a fair few times before and was just laughed at, one time a few days later her friends mocked and took the piss for me being a gent.

I don't think asking permission to touch another person is an outdated concept in the same way that a woman expecting to have all her drinks paid for is

God only knows who would sit and there say "excuse me miss, would you mind if i touched your knee" "

He never mentioned masturbation pictures.

I’d say the majority of women will shave or wax when going out on a date even if it’s a purely social date.

A cosy pub is a better choice so you can actually talk to each other and get to know one another.

Unless she said do you want to come back to mine for sex, then you take it you’re invited back for a drink and that’s all.

Men read sex in bloody everything it seems.

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Was she shocked, angry or upset when you made your move?

Did it come out of the blue or was there physical touching beforehand, a hand on a knee for example?

Yeah I'd touching her knee and hand throughout our date and was stroking her back before I went to kiss her

Did you ever ask if you could touch her or ask if you could kiss her?

To quote someone else on this thread.

No because it's not the 19th century.

Also I've tried this a fair few times before and was just laughed at, one time a few days later her friends mocked and took the piss for me being a gent.

I don't think asking permission to touch another person is an outdated concept in the same way that a woman expecting to have all her drinks paid for is

God only knows who would sit and there say "excuse me miss, would you mind if i touched your knee"

He never mentioned masturbation pictures.

I’d say the majority of women will shave or wax when going out on a date even if it’s a purely social date.

A cosy pub is a better choice so you can actually talk to each other and get to know one another.

Unless she said do you want to come back to mine for sex, then you take it you’re invited back for a drink and that’s all.

I think that is foolish and unfair, especially if there was casual touching in the pub.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If someone I'd been flirting outrageously with, swapping sex stories, fantasies, photos etc, asked permission to touch my knee I'd probably piss myself laughing

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By *radleywigginsMan over a year ago

northwest

"If someone I'd been flirting outrageously with, swapping sex stories, fantasies, photos etc, asked permission to touch my knee I'd probably piss myself laughing

Wonderful

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Was she shocked, angry or upset when you made your move?

Did it come out of the blue or was there physical touching beforehand, a hand on a knee for example?

Yeah I'd touching her knee and hand throughout our date and was stroking her back before I went to kiss her

Did you ever ask if you could touch her or ask if you could kiss her?

To quote someone else on this thread.

No because it's not the 19th century.

Also I've tried this a fair few times before and was just laughed at, one time a few days later her friends mocked and took the piss for me being a gent.

I don't think asking permission to touch another person is an outdated concept in the same way that a woman expecting to have all her drinks paid for is

God only knows who would sit and there say "excuse me miss, would you mind if i touched your knee"

He never mentioned masturbation pictures.

I’d say the majority of women will shave or wax when going out on a date even if it’s a purely social date.

A cosy pub is a better choice so you can actually talk to each other and get to know one another.

Unless she said do you want to come back to mine for sex, then you take it you’re invited back for a drink and that’s all.

I think that is foolish and unfair, especially if there was casual touching in the pub."

What’s foolish about it?

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By *ampWithABrainWoman over a year ago

Glasgow

"But are you saying it's ok to be so graphic and insinuating and then say no?" YES - no means no and can be said at ANY point. I actually find it very worrying that op has such a tenuous grasp on the definition of consent (agree he and others should look at the tea analogy it's very good), and is STILL dwelling on this months later.

Even on fab meets any participant has the right to say no at any point, hell even at swinging clubs that's strictly enforced.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Was she shocked, angry or upset when you made your move?

Did it come out of the blue or was there physical touching beforehand, a hand on a knee for example?

Yeah I'd touching her knee and hand throughout our date and was stroking her back before I went to kiss her

Did you ever ask if you could touch her or ask if you could kiss her?

To quote someone else on this thread.

No because it's not the 19th century.

Also I've tried this a fair few times before and was just laughed at, one time a few days later her friends mocked and took the piss for me being a gent.

I don't think asking permission to touch another person is an outdated concept in the same way that a woman expecting to have all her drinks paid for is

God only knows who would sit and there say "excuse me miss, would you mind if i touched your knee"

He never mentioned masturbation pictures.

I’d say the majority of women will shave or wax when going out on a date even if it’s a purely social date.

A cosy pub is a better choice so you can actually talk to each other and get to know one another.

Unless she said do you want to come back to mine for sex, then you take it you’re invited back for a drink and that’s all.

Men read sex in bloody everything it seems."

Sorry, masturbation stories

The whole thing started with sex, the conversation was sexual in nature all the way through out the messages then she sat there and let him touch her knee or rub her back or what ever and then asked him back to hers. So personally, I think your line "Men read sex in bloody everything it seems" is bullshit.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Was she shocked, angry or upset when you made your move?

Did it come out of the blue or was there physical touching beforehand, a hand on a knee for example?

Yeah I'd touching her knee and hand throughout our date and was stroking her back before I went to kiss her

Did you ever ask if you could touch her or ask if you could kiss her?

To quote someone else on this thread.

No because it's not the 19th century.

Also I've tried this a fair few times before and was just laughed at, one time a few days later her friends mocked and took the piss for me being a gent.

I don't think asking permission to touch another person is an outdated concept in the same way that a woman expecting to have all her drinks paid for is

God only knows who would sit and there say "excuse me miss, would you mind if i touched your knee"

He never mentioned masturbation pictures.

I’d say the majority of women will shave or wax when going out on a date even if it’s a purely social date.

A cosy pub is a better choice so you can actually talk to each other and get to know one another.

Unless she said do you want to come back to mine for sex, then you take it you’re invited back for a drink and that’s all.

Men read sex in bloody everything it seems.

Sorry, masturbation stories

You thought her waxing was because she wanted sex.

You thought changing the pub from a noisy one to somewhere cosy was because she wanted sex.

You think her letting him touch her in a public place by rubbing her back meant she wanted sex.

Yet, the OP admitted that at no time did she ever say that she wanted sex with him.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

People need their own time frame to be able to determinehow someone may match them or not. She was to be expected to be particularly less up for a fb or sex, as she'd been looking for something else - an lots.

Of it's not going to happen, she did the right thing by telling you.

You'd had the opportunity to let her get to know you, so you have to accept it as expensive and deal with it

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

""But are you saying it's ok to be so graphic and insinuating and then say no?" YES - no means no and can be said at ANY point. I actually find it very worrying that op has such a tenuous grasp on the definition of consent (agree he and others should look at the tea analogy it's very good), and is STILL dwelling on this months later.

Even on fab meets any participant has the right to say no at any point, hell even at swinging clubs that's strictly enforced. "

I'm so glad someone else picked up on that line!

I could send the most graphic Pornographic messages with accompanying pics, flirt and goggle face to face, allow the touching the op implies, invite someone back to mine but the moment something happens to change my mind I 100% have the right to change my mind and push him away without fear of reprisal.

I don't get why he went running again when she was bored though.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Was she shocked, angry or upset when you made your move?

Did it come out of the blue or was there physical touching beforehand, a hand on a knee for example?

Yeah I'd touching her knee and hand throughout our date and was stroking her back before I went to kiss her

Did you ever ask if you could touch her or ask if you could kiss her?

To quote someone else on this thread.

No because it's not the 19th century.

Also I've tried this a fair few times before and was just laughed at, one time a few days later her friends mocked and took the piss for me being a gent.

I don't think asking permission to touch another person is an outdated concept in the same way that a woman expecting to have all her drinks paid for is

God only knows who would sit and there say "excuse me miss, would you mind if i touched your knee"

He never mentioned masturbation pictures.

I’d say the majority of women will shave or wax when going out on a date even if it’s a purely social date.

A cosy pub is a better choice so you can actually talk to each other and get to know one another.

Unless she said do you want to come back to mine for sex, then you take it you’re invited back for a drink and that’s all.

Men read sex in bloody everything it seems.

Sorry, masturbation stories

You thought her waxing was because she wanted sex.

You thought changing the pub from a noisy one to somewhere cosy was because she wanted sex.

You think her letting him touch her in a public place by rubbing her back meant she wanted sex.

Yet, the OP admitted that at no time did she ever say that she wanted sex with him."

She never said she didn't want sex with him until they got back. But she gave some pretty clear signals that I think most, if not all men would follow

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By *ady LickWoman over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I'm so glad I dont do the whole 'sex/masturbation stories' thing until I've met the guy for a social!!!

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

She's not a cock tease, she just didn't want to have sex with you. Stop using shitty sexist terms that make women feel bad about changing their minds.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm so glad I dont do the whole 'sex/masturbation stories' thing until I've met the guy for a social!!!"

Fancy a drink?

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

I've had it where I was proper into this dude, he travelled a few hundred miles to see me. We'd spoken about sex, sent pics etc. As far as we were both concerned it was on!

He was staying over at mine the night.

We went out, had a proper laugh and all was going great. He asked me if I'd be offended if it remained a social. Yes, I was gutted, but ya know what? We still had a proper wicked time, laughed til the cows came home, slept in the same bed with no sexual contact at all and I'd love to see him again.

Chill yer beans OP, it happens.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

ANYONE has the right to say no at ANY stage. Any stage.

On my old profile from like two and a half years ago, on my first proper meet I was in bed with someone and I said I wanted to have sex, then I got cold feet and changed my mind. You know what happened next? He respected me and we didn't have sex.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yeah she does have the rite to say no at any point but your right in saying that she did kinda lead you on a bit with all the sexy talk and allowing you to be touchy feely throughout the night, just learn from the experience and never expect sex at the end of a night

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Was she shocked, angry or upset when you made your move?

Did it come out of the blue or was there physical touching beforehand, a hand on a knee for example?

Yeah I'd touching her knee and hand throughout our date and was stroking her back before I went to kiss her

Did you ever ask if you could touch her or ask if you could kiss her?

To quote someone else on this thread.

No because it's not the 19th century.

Also I've tried this a fair few times before and was just laughed at, one time a few days later her friends mocked and took the piss for me being a gent.

I don't think asking permission to touch another person is an outdated concept in the same way that a woman expecting to have all her drinks paid for is

God only knows who would sit and there say "excuse me miss, would you mind if i touched your knee"

He never mentioned masturbation pictures.

I’d say the majority of women will shave or wax when going out on a date even if it’s a purely social date.

A cosy pub is a better choice so you can actually talk to each other and get to know one another.

Unless she said do you want to come back to mine for sex, then you take it you’re invited back for a drink and that’s all.

I think that is foolish and unfair, especially if there was casual touching in the pub.

What’s foolish about it? "

As opposed to unfair? I think it's foolish to lead people on - if that's what she did.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It does seem strange that the OP and the woman shared sexual fantasies, masturbation stories by text or phone yet not once has he said that on their date they ever spoke about sex.

If he was willing to talk about it with her online, why didn’t he bring it up when he was with her?

Especially when she invited him back to her place. He could have asked her to clarify what she meant and whether it was just for a drink as he fancied her and would like to have sex with her.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Even on fab meets any participant has the right to say no at any point, hell even at swinging clubs that's strictly enforced. "

As I've said before I'll respect everyone's opinion. To make things up about me is out of order.

At no point did I not have a grasp on the subject of consent.

Soon as she said no. I backed off. I told her ok I respect your decision.

By any standard that's having a good grasp on the meaning of consent.

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

Even on fab meets any participant has the right to say no at any point, hell even at swinging clubs that's strictly enforced.

As I've said before I'll respect everyone's opinion. To make things up about me is out of order.

At no point did I not have a grasp on the subject of consent.

Soon as she said no. I backed off. I told her ok I respect your decision.

By any standard that's having a good grasp on the meaning of consent.

I don't think you do actually. You asked in your OP if you should have "lambasted" her because she said no.

Someone who understands consent would never have asked that question.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"It does seem strange that the OP and the woman shared sexual fantasies, masturbation stories by text or phone yet not once has he said that on their date they ever spoke about sex.

If he was willing to talk about it with her online, why didn’t he bring it up when he was with her?

Especially when she invited him back to her place. He could have asked her to clarify what she meant and whether it was just for a drink as he fancied her and would like to have sex with her.

Once again. It was said that when we finalised the date we would (in the first draft) go for food. Find a bar and swap masturbation stories.

The only thing that changed is we didn't go for food. We talked about sex very graphically for a decent portion of the date.

I even offered to change the subject as it's all we were talking about

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

As I've said before I'll respect everyone's opinion.

However some of you are not paying attention and jumping to conclusions even when it's in black and white on the screen.

Please if you're gonna accuse me of anything at least have the decency to make sure I haven't covered it already

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Even on fab meets any participant has the right to say no at any point, hell even at swinging clubs that's strictly enforced.

As I've said before I'll respect everyone's opinion. To make things up about me is out of order.

At no point did I not have a grasp on the subject of consent.

Soon as she said no. I backed off. I told her ok I respect your decision.

By any standard that's having a good grasp on the meaning of consent.

I don't think you do actually. You asked in your OP if you should have "lambasted" her because she said no.

Someone who understands consent would never have asked that question."

As in, should I have lambasted her for leading me on in such a provocative way. Not for rejecting my advances.

To accuse me of not having any kind of grasp on consent is to accuse me of not knowing when no means no. Might as well report me as a potential rapist

Consent ~ permission for something to happen or agreement to do something.

She didn't give permission for me to take things any further, I backed off.

That does not mean I'm not allowed to be upset by it

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I don't think you do actually. You asked in your OP if you should have "lambasted" her because she said no.

Actually I asked if I should have lambasted her for leading me on.

Two very different things

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

I don't think you do actually. You asked in your OP if you should have "lambasted" her because she said no.

Actually I asked if I should have lambasted her for leading me on.

Two very different things "

She didn't "lead you on". You thought you were going to have sex. She obviously didn't think the same thing. Or perhaps she changed her mind. It doesn't matter why.

You don't get to have a go at someone because you thought you were going to get laid and they said no. That's not how consent works, because in the future she may well be afraid of saying no because of your behaviour towards her - had you 'lambasted' her.

Suggest you start all your potential meets in the future by letting them know that while you "respect" their decision to say no at any point if they don't want sex, you'll feel entitled to have a go at them if they do.

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By *sGivesWoodWoman over a year ago

ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL

Put it behind you and move on OP. Learn from this.

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By *iversong321Woman over a year ago

Preston/Merseyside

"OK time to take my father's advice and and stop arguing with an idiot "

....and it all becomes clear

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't think you do actually. You asked in your OP if you should have "lambasted" her because she said no.

Actually I asked if I should have lambasted her for leading me on.

Two very different things "

You enjoyed it up till the point she said no. So, no OP - you should not lambast her for leading you on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

She obviously didn't fancy you in the flesh.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Ok sorry for the idiot comment.

It was out of order.

I just can't fathom why people flat out to refuse to see things from other people's perspective. Instead all I'm getting is abuse from people who have ignored certain things I've said and instead concentrated on the pieces that make me look like a complete twat.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"She obviously didn't fancy you in the flesh."

Most probably and that's ok. It happens.

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"Ok sorry for the idiot comment.

It was out of order.

Nobody is twisting anything here.

You asked if you should "lambast" a woman for "leading you on".

"Leading you on" is basically "being up for it and then saying no".

You say you understand consent, but you can't understand why it's wrong to have a go at someone for saying no. Which is essentially what she did.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"OK time to take my father's advice and and stop arguing with an idiot

Mate, you're the one who thinks it's acceptable to lambast a woman for not having sex with you. Ask Daddy what he thinks about that."

First of all I ain't your mate.

Secondly I never said that so why do you keep repeating yourself

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Ok sorry for the idiot comment.

It was out of order.

Nobody is twisting anything here.

You asked if you should "lambast" a woman for "leading you on".

"Leading you on" is basically "being up for it and then saying no".

You say you understand consent, but you can't understand why it's wrong to have a go at someone for saying no. Which is essentially what she did."

Ok answer me this.

Did I have a go at her?

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By *ucy LewdWoman over a year ago

North Oxfordshire

"OK time to take my father's advice and and stop arguing with an idiot

Mate, you're the one who thinks it's acceptable to lambast a woman for not having sex with you. Ask Daddy what he thinks about that.

First of all I ain't your mate.

Secondly I never said that so why do you keep repeating yourself "

Quoted from your OP:

Is she a massive cock tease? Should I have lambasted her for leading me on?

I do acknowledge it's within a woman's rights to to say no at any time but surely this is taking the piss

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ok sorry for the idiot comment.

It was out of order.

No. People understand your side. It’s frustrating. But she did nothing wrong.

Why not follow your own advice and see things from a rather overwhelming perspective that is other than yours.

You can lambast her for leading you on but we are telling you (the majority are) that we don’t respect your choice to do that if you do, and that we don’t agree she deserves it when we weigh it up.

Your last two words.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ok sorry for the idiot comment.

It was out of order.

Welcome to Fab and the forum mentality

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ok sorry for the idiot comment.

It was out of order.

Welcome to Fab and the forum mentality"

Adulting is hard.

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By *lmostthereMan over a year ago

Southampton

OP. Important question time.

Did you have crisps or peanuts at the pub, and if so what flavour?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"OP. Important question time.

Did you have crisps or peanuts at the pub, and if so what flavour? "

Pork scratchings.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Ok. My saying what I said at the end of my OP was wrong. I'm sorry for causing any offence.

I'm now getting private messages full of insults. Which I feel is uncalled for.

For the most part we're having a heated debate and everyone is entitled to an opinion on the subject. Which is fine.

I've not exactly composed myself in a mature manner, for which I've already apologised to Lucy Lewd

But i feel now like I'm under attack. Seen as I can't if there is a mod watching this thread can you please close It, at my request

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By *alandNitaCouple over a year ago

Scunthorpe

Hmm

Having read the whole thread.

My take on it is...

She said no... OP is taking this personally rather than moving on. He also isn't happy with the fact many posters are not taking his side.

OP you need to have fewer expectations, have fun and simply go with the flow.

Nita

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"OP. Important question time.

Did you have crisps or peanuts at the pub, and if so what flavour? "

Roasted peanuts. The champion of pub snacks

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ok. My saying what I said at the end of my OP was wrong. I'm sorry for causing any offence.

I'm now getting private messages full of insults. Which I feel is uncalled for.

For the most part we're having a heated debate and everyone is entitled to an opinion on the subject. Which is fine.

I've not exactly composed myself in a mature manner, for which I've already apologised to Lucy Lewd

But i feel now like I'm under attack. Seen as I can't if there is a mod watching this thread can you please close It, at my request "

Report any messages that are nasty or insulting. It is not allowed.

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By *lmostthereMan over a year ago

Southampton

"OP. Important question time.

Did you have crisps or peanuts at the pub, and if so what flavour?

Pork scratchings."

Good work Estella

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By *lmostthereMan over a year ago

Southampton

"OP. Important question time.

Did you have crisps or peanuts at the pub, and if so what flavour?

Roasted peanuts. The champion of pub snacks "

Dry roast FTW.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You were at cross purposes to start, had a great first date. And slipped into the friend zone while still in the pub.

When she said "not happening" she meant ever!

The mistake was going back for a second date.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ok. My saying what I said at the end of my OP was wrong. I'm sorry for causing any offence.

I'm now getting private messages full of insults. Which I feel is uncalled for.

For the most part we're having a heated debate and everyone is entitled to an opinion on the subject. Which is fine.

I've not exactly composed myself in a mature manner, for which I've already apologised to Lucy Lewd

But i feel now like I'm under attack. Seen as I can't if there is a mod watching this thread can you please close It, at my request "

That’s fair points and I’m sorry to hear there’s been PM abuse. I apologise if I’ve upset you in my post, OP. Xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Hmm

Having read the whole thread.

My take on it is...

She said no... OP is taking this personally rather than moving on. He also isn't happy with the fact many posters are not taking his side.

OP you need to have fewer expectations, have fun and simply go with the flow.

Nita"

IF it's any consequence I have grown since then. Like I said I did grow to have feelings for her towards the end so it does still hurt when I think on it....which isn't as often as some may think

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Ok. My saying what I said at the end of my OP was wrong. I'm sorry for causing any offence.

I'm now getting private messages full of insults. Which I feel is uncalled for.

For the most part we're having a heated debate and everyone is entitled to an opinion on the subject. Which is fine.

I've not exactly composed myself in a mature manner, for which I've already apologised to Lucy Lewd

But i feel now like I'm under attack. Seen as I can't if there is a mod watching this thread can you please close It, at my request

That’s fair points and I’m sorry to hear there’s been PM abuse. I apologise if I’ve upset you in my post, OP. Xx"

You haven't upset me but thank you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ok sorry for the idiot comment.

It was out of order.

Welcome to Fab and the forum mentality

Adulting is hard. "

For some more than others apparently

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By *alandNitaCouple over a year ago

Scunthorpe

"Hmm

Having read the whole thread.

My take on it is...

She said no... OP is taking this personally rather than moving on. He also isn't happy with the fact many posters are not taking his side.

OP you need to have fewer expectations, have fun and simply go with the flow.

Nita

IF it's any consequence I have grown since then. Like I said I did grow to have feelings for her towards the end so it does still hurt when I think on it....which isn't as often as some may think "

If you develop feelings that quickly, it might be that casual sex isn't for you.

Not everyone can "love em and leave em".

Sex and love are still linked for many.

Nita

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ok. My saying what I said at the end of my OP was wrong. I'm sorry for causing any offence.

I'm now getting private messages full of insults. Which I feel is uncalled for.

For the most part we're having a heated debate and everyone is entitled to an opinion on the subject. Which is fine.

I've not exactly composed myself in a mature manner, for which I've already apologised to Lucy Lewd

But i feel now like I'm under attack. Seen as I can't if there is a mod watching this thread can you please close It, at my request "

If people are abusive via pm report the message.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think she was taking the piss. OP you did the right thing by walking away. Sorry that she hurt you.

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