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I hate my job!!!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It's a family business and it's expected that when the kids grow up they have to run the business too. There's lots of travelling and long hours. Having to be nice to strangers.
I never really get a day off because I'm never left alone. People always expect me to be on call or answering their questions no matter where I am, even if I'm on holiday.
It's really hard to make friends or have relationships because of what I do. I never really know who I can trust. The family won't let me quit.
What would you do if you were me?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The family won't let me quit.
What would you do if you were me? "
Quit.
The attrition to your wellbeing is huge being in a job you hate.
Normally I’d suggest you use your non work time to find a new job for a smoother transition in resigning and moving jobs.
But if your personal time is invaded then perhaps you need to quit, and then move forward...
My only other suggestion would be a gentle reminder that we also have some part to play in setting and maintaining our boundaries. You’re on holiday, don’t answer. Hold your boundaries.
What would be the reason why you would not do this? What’s the response you’re concerned about from them if you did? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Quit and do what You want to do... This life ain't a rehearsal and you spend a lot of time working so don't be ground down by "family loyalty".
Put YOU first girl  |
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Estella makes a very good point about setting boundaries.
Perhaps you could tell nocturnal or weekend callers that your normal working hours are whatever they are, and suggest they they call back during them unless there's a dire emergency. It seems that sometimes if you give an inch, people will take a mile.
No job is worth getting really stressed over, it can lead to health problems and unhappiness. |
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What do you do?
You can always change careers. If you’re not happy and it’s making you miserable then do something about it.
I didn’t enjoy my job for years just chained to the pay check. Made a change and quit. I’ve never looked back. Plan it out throughly and do it! X |
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"It's a family business and it's expected that when the kids grow up they have to run the business too. There's lots of travelling and long hours. Having to be nice to strangers.
I never really get a day off because I'm never left alone. People always expect me to be on call or answering their questions no matter where I am, even if I'm on holiday.
It's really hard to make friends or have relationships because of what I do. I never really know who I can trust. The family won't let me quit.
What would you do if you were me? "
Are they Italian? Are you in the mafia?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Start invoicing for overtime/ unsocial hours pay at triple time. 24 hr on call bonus etc.
I don't imagine it's easy to escape from a family business however |
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Sell your business,
If you are that busy sell it as a going concern including the client list. It's upto the potential buyer to ensure that they run it to the same standards as yourself to ensure the clients remain loyal. |
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"It's a family business and it's expected that when the kids grow up they have to run the business too. There's lots of travelling and long hours. Having to be nice to strangers.
I never really get a day off because I'm never left alone. People always expect me to be on call or answering their questions no matter where I am, even if I'm on holiday.
It's really hard to make friends or have relationships because of what I do. I never really know who I can trust. The family won't let me quit.
What would you do if you were me? "
Are you Santa ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a family business and it's expected that when the kids grow up they have to run the business too. There's lots of travelling and long hours. Having to be nice to strangers.
I never really get a day off because I'm never left alone. People always expect me to be on call or answering their questions no matter where I am, even if I'm on holiday.
It's really hard to make friends or have relationships because of what I do. I never really know who I can trust. The family won't let me quit.
What would you do if you were me?
Are you Santa ?"
I think Evie is right. She’s part of the Mafia  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Speak to ur family member and explain. Or find a love of your life who enjoys your family business and ask him to share the burden with you...
Good luck |
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Explain to them that some big companies have done experiments and these experiments involved strictly enforcing time off.
One company allowed people to take time off for whatever reason they wanted, whenever they wanted, and were in control of when they arrived and left.
Productivity soared, and the whole company became fiercely loyal to their employer and lost hours due to sick days fell dramatically.
See instead of pulling a sick day to sort out some family stuff, they would just take the morning off then go into work later.
Another experiment, was that the company turned off voice mail, and turned off peoples email inbox when they go home at night or went on holiday. This meant their employees started work each morning fresh, and started to process incoming work, and didnt have work pile up in their absence and know there would be a mountain of work building for them every night when they clock off.
This experiment worked so well Diamler is rolling out across their company so away from keyboard means no new work arrives.
Telling customers "Please phone back tomorrow between 9am and 4pm" does not hurt business. |
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By *ootleCouple
over a year ago
Romford, Essex |
Estella is right, but from the sound of it quitting really isn’t an option – if it was you probably would have done it by now – which is why you’re asking for alternatives.
I know how business can run your life, I am self employed and my job involves lots of long distance travel away from home which I now dread, I love my home and I love my family even more.
For years the business and the people in it were beginning to ruin my life, interfering with holidays, leaving home early, getting home late, weekends being disrupted, but most people who are self-employed will tell you this is normal.
It was not just affecting my home life but also my health. And like you I can’t quit so that only leaves us with two options 1. Carry on as things are 2. Change things. I went with option 2!
I put up strict barriers between my social life and my work life. I now work from 8.30 to 5.30 Monday to Friday – if the phone rings outside of these times I don’t answer it, I don’t work weekends, I plan my holidays and I take them, again I won’t answer work phone calls while I’m away. I still have to travel – but I’m working on that.
It is difficult, and yes, I did lose some business, but I have gained other clients so no real harm done. Some people and clients who depended on my input at work and had my attention 24/7 did mutter sounds of disapproval – but they had two options - like it or lump it!
You need to take the bull by the horns, because only you can change things for the better - if that’s difficult then look for a local self-assertiveness class, and get the courage to make decisions and then stick to them – it is hard and you will undoubtedly upset a few people, but if they really care for you they will come around eventually and if they don’t then they shouldn’t matter, your life will be much better off without them in it.
The best advice I can give though is: Run your business, don’t let your business run you.
Good luck xx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Can I clarify a point that I may have misinterpreted?
Is it **your** family’s business, or are you working for another family’s family business.
I have to say I read it as the latter initially. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Was at a job a few years ago n a new site agent started n was being shown around n introduced to everyone by the site labourer.....however this was before my start time of 8am,n I was hungover n making myself a much needed coffee before starting.
So the poor guy was only trying to introduce our new boss to us n I started shouting at him...."get tae fuck ya radge! It's no 8 O'clock yet n I don't want to hear a word about work till then ok!" 
I didn't like that job anyway....though I still worked there for a few months after that!
Now that might seem like a very extreme reaction.....but it sounds like you're at the opposite end of the scale n are being taken advantage of big time due to you not speaking up for yourself.
You should find a job that you don't dread going to at the very least!
Then get signed off work with a doctors line n get as much sick pay from your old job as you can n just as soon as it runs out is when you quit!
Everyone's a winner  except your previous employer obviously but fuck them!
I wouldn't bother asking for a reference from them if you do go ahead with this  |
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"It's a family business and it's expected that when the kids grow up they have to run the business too. There's lots of travelling and long hours. Having to be nice to strangers.
I never really get a day off because I'm never left alone. People always expect me to be on call or answering their questions no matter where I am, even if I'm on holiday.
It's really hard to make friends or have relationships because of what I do. I never really know who I can trust. The family won't let me quit.
What would you do if you were me? "
Family expectations are a heavy burden to carry.
You say your family won't let you quit, how can they stop you?
Don't carry on until something happens that brings things to a head or your physical and mental health suffers.
Can you start small. Turn your phone off, refuse to work outside of reasonable hours, don't respond when you're on holiday. Once you establish small habits it becomes accepted, you can then work on bigger issues.
The alternative is to turn your back on it all. That might bring the family up short and be the catalyst for change.
Why not start with Christmas? Don't do anything to do with work from Friday night until Wednesday morning.
x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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All really helpful advice, thank you. This is an issue for a close friend. Thankfully she can get another job and she's now finally looking after months of me nagging. She's the only trained person in her role with no deputy or back up at all.
It reminded me of this story a few months ago, which is what the 'family business' part of my OP was about. Prince Harry said he wanted to quit.
http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-40396449 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Explain to them that some big companies have done experiments and these experiments involved strictly enforcing time off.
One company allowed people to take time off for whatever reason they wanted, whenever they wanted, and were in control of when they arrived and left.
Productivity soared, and the whole company became fiercely loyal to their employer and lost hours due to sick days fell dramatically.
See instead of pulling a sick day to sort out some family stuff, they would just take the morning off then go into work later.
Another experiment, was that the company turned off voice mail, and turned off peoples email inbox when they go home at night or went on holiday. This meant their employees started work each morning fresh, and started to process incoming work, and didnt have work pile up in their absence and know there would be a mountain of work building for them every night when they clock off.
This experiment worked so well Diamler is rolling out across their company so away from keyboard means no new work arrives.
Telling customers "Please phone back tomorrow between 9am and 4pm" does not hurt business."
This is really cool. Relevant to where I work unfortunately. The Management don't think that sleep is an acceptable reason for not replying to emails!! Managers work to 2am. Back in the office at 8am. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All really helpful advice, thank you. This is an issue for a close friend. Thankfully she can get another job and she's now finally looking after months of me nagging. She's the only trained person in her role with no deputy or back up at all.
It reminded me of this story a few months ago, which is what the 'family business' part of my OP was about. Prince Harry said he wanted to quit.
http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-40396449"
Glad to hear it’s not you struggling, and hope your friend finds a suitable resolution! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"All really helpful advice, thank you. This is an issue for a close friend. Thankfully she can get another job and she's now finally looking after months of me nagging. She's the only trained person in her role with no deputy or back up at all.
It reminded me of this story a few months ago, which is what the 'family business' part of my OP was about. Prince Harry said he wanted to quit.
http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-40396449
Glad to hear it’s not you struggling, and hope your friend finds a suitable resolution! "
Bad time to be finding a new job at xmas. I'm hoping she doesn't give up and stay at the same place.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Bad time to be finding a new job at xmas. I'm hoping she doesn't give up and stay at the same place. "
Nods. If she just treats it as a part time job - whilst doing the current one, invest 3-4hrs a week in her marketing job.
Product to market - herself.
It doesn’t have to be a massive all or nothing feat, just focused timebound productive activity, and chip away at it. |
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