So I met this guy from here about 18 months ago, so I could see if i was still desirable and have personal revenge on my oh for constant cheating for 16 years!!! He's single! ...we met a good few times with a cpl of breaks between when he pissed me off not getting my situation being an inconsiderate fool!! ( hes a bit younger)
Recently during the last break he got himself a gf!
So when he wanted to start up again and told me I thought great, now he'll understand my situation.....this could be sweet!
WRONG!!!
Firstly why the hell did I feel sooo bad for her??????
And why could i read guilt all over him once we met up? Why suddenly develop a conscience when it hadn't bothered him doing it to someone else's oh???
After agreeing he felt bad to me about the guilt of cheating........why the fuck did he initiate and then manage "one last time" cos he can't resist me!!
Which only made it worse, Like I felt so bad! I literally talked us into saying goodbye to each other forever! No contact! ......and giving him advice on how to treat her right and not to be an inconsiderate prick!!!!
Im not broken hearted, I have no intention to leave my marriage at all cos of my little uns! I have never had any romantic interest in anything serious with him either.....just really fancied him. Yet I feel sooo sad it's ended!! Wtf????
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Emotions, and female ones at that.
Leave it as finished business if you can and don’t look back!
I know it’s easy to say but it’s for the best.
Chin up and crack on! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Men think with their little heads, sorry but sounds like this guy used you for once last time. Draw a line under it, be the bigger person, walk away head held high  |
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I’ve had some great casual relationships over the years but they end for one reason or another and tbh I just got on with it, that is what casual relationships are all about, when it comes to an end you just say bye and move on.
Maybe in your case it’s because he made you feel desired and that is what you will miss more than the person himself. |
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Doesn't sound like you went into it with your head right given what was/is going on with your OH?
forgive me if iv'e read that wrong but if that is why you did it then its hardly a surprise that your emotions and perhaps judgement are a bit awry.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's always shit when anything ends but you've got xmas eve a week today and kids so you've got to try and not let this bum you out.
He may have wanted a relationship with you but couldn't cos of your situation so you shouldn't feel any rejection type feelings. If he knew your oh was cheating on you then that could have justified him playing with you behind someone's back but this girl that he's with is innocent and that's why he probably doesn't want to hurt her by carrying on.
I hope this doesn't get you down for too long and try and draw a line under it now. |
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"It's always shit when anything ends but you've got xmas eve a week today and kids so you've got to try and not let this bum you out.
He may have wanted a relationship with you but couldn't cos of your situation so you shouldn't feel any rejection type feelings. If he knew your oh was cheating on you then that could have justified him playing with you behind someone's back but this girl that he's with is innocent and that's why he probably doesn't want to hurt her by carrying on.
I hope this doesn't get you down for too long and try and draw a line under it now. "
Hmmmmmmm So..... what happened ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I also don't think you should expect someone to be happy about cheating on their partner/girlfriend because you cheated with them, on your partner.
You wanted revenge on your partner; his partner had done nothing to deserve him cheating (although I don't agree with tit for tat behaviour). |
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"It's always shit when anything ends but you've got xmas eve a week today and kids so you've got to try and not let this bum you out.
He may have wanted a relationship with you but couldn't cos of your situation so you shouldn't feel any rejection type feelings. If he knew your oh was cheating on you then that could have justified him playing with you behind someone's back but this girl that he's with is innocent and that's why he probably doesn't want to hurt her by carrying on.
I hope this doesn't get you down for too long and try and draw a line under it now. "
had he known that he was being used to get back at the OH then he may have said no at the start..
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Op, I can fully sympathise with your situation..
I don't recall the wedding vows including to love, honour and screw your husbands friends and yours friends husbands... perhaps i wasn't paying attention at that point..
Sticking around and trying to create a semblance of normality for your kids is your choice and don't let anyone else tell you it's wrong.. we all make our own choices as best we see fit and it's not anyone else's place to judge us on our actions (unless we break the law)
Anyway, the guy you was seeing was ok with your situation, you both went in to it with full understanding of what you both were doing. There are many out there that do understand that life isn't black and white..
And when he has gotten a girlfriend, things changed...it's not he has suddenly got a conscience about it all, but his circumstances changed his emotional outlook..
And that's what it boils down to, personal emotions.. we all have them and they are all different, yours are a feeling of hurt.. they will get better.
Ignore the nay sayers, they do not know or understand your feelings, only you can make that decision that feels right.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I,m not really sure what the point is of your post OP. So correct me if I,m wrong. You were fking a man for revenge on your OH, he fked off got a girlfriend, came back and poked you again with his trouser sausage, you both felt guilty, you ended it.
The outcome is...
He will be back and you will have him back.
XXX |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve had some great casual relationships over the years but they end for one reason or another and tbh I just got on with it, that is what casual relationships are all about, when it comes to an end you just say bye and move on.
Maybe in your case it’s because he made you feel desired and that is what you will miss more than the person himself. "
 Sad for what could have been. 
Chin up OP. New year soon. |
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"So I met this guy from here about 18 months ago, so I could see if i was still desirable and have personal revenge on my oh for constant cheating for 16 years!!! He's single! ...we met a good few times with a cpl of breaks between when he pissed me off not getting my situation being an inconsiderate fool!! ( hes a bit younger)
Recently during the last break he got himself a gf!
So when he wanted to start up again and told me I thought great, now he'll understand my situation.....this could be sweet!
WRONG!!!
Firstly why the hell did I feel sooo bad for her??????
And why could i read guilt all over him once we met up? Why suddenly develop a conscience when it hadn't bothered him doing it to someone else's oh???
After agreeing he felt bad to me about the guilt of cheating........why the fuck did he initiate and then manage "one last time" cos he can't resist me!!
Which only made it worse, Like I felt so bad! I literally talked us into saying goodbye to each other forever! No contact! ......and giving him advice on how to treat her right and not to be an inconsiderate prick!!!!
Im not broken hearted, I have no intention to leave my marriage at all cos of my little uns! I have never had any romantic interest in anything serious with him either.....just really fancied him. Yet I feel sooo sad it's ended!! Wtf????
"
I see that your looking for women now then |
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"So I met this guy from here about 18 months ago, so I could see if i was still desirable and have personal revenge on my oh for constant cheating for 16 years!!! He's single! ...we met a good few times with a cpl of breaks between when he pissed me off not getting my situation being an inconsiderate fool!! ( hes a bit younger)
Recently during the last break he got himself a gf!
So when he wanted to start up again and told me I thought great, now he'll understand my situation.....this could be sweet!
WRONG!!!
Firstly why the hell did I feel sooo bad for her??????
And why could i read guilt all over him once we met up? Why suddenly develop a conscience when it hadn't bothered him doing it to someone else's oh???
After agreeing he felt bad to me about the guilt of cheating........why the fuck did he initiate and then manage "one last time" cos he can't resist me!!
Which only made it worse, Like I felt so bad! I literally talked us into saying goodbye to each other forever! No contact! ......and giving him advice on how to treat her right and not to be an inconsiderate prick!!!!
Im not broken hearted, I have no intention to leave my marriage at all cos of my little uns! I have never had any romantic interest in anything serious with him either.....just really fancied him. Yet I feel sooo sad it's ended!! Wtf????
"
You feel bad for her because you know what being cheated on feels like.
His conscience applies to his actions towards his girlfriend probably. He has no sense of loyalty to your husband.
You feel sad because you do. You don't have to analyse it, you'll stop feeling sad much quicker if you accept that an all round shitty situation has ended and its left you with a sense of loss.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is what I'm reading into this: you were so angry at your husband's cheating you found someone to fuck, for revenge. Then, you wanted that person to fuck over his partner by fucking you. And you think he should, because he let you use him for revenge against your husband.
I may be reading this wrong, cos I'm tired after a late night of drinking and sex, but I think you're being unreasonable and don't have any rights to feel sorry for yourself. Even if you did really like him and had great sex.
I might read this later and think differently though. |
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No what I said was I cheated for revenge on my oh!!! And to see If I felt guilty, therefore still in love with him.
Yet I felt bad for his gf and could see he felt bad too. I wondered how he had another "go" in him if he really felt guilty???
...and so I did the right thing and called it off!!
I just thought it odd that i miss him when i have never before
Maybe it's cos he made me feel desired and maybe I'm never going to be made to feel that way again!! |
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Thanks and no offence taken.....i guess your right.....im mixed up cos I wanna leave but can't!!! He let me feel attractive and that mybe I'm not a minger! If i could pull a gorgeous guy like him. Although I thought I was punching, he never let me feel like I was!
Bad decision trying to have casual sex without emotional feelings getting in the way when I have always been the heart on the sleeve type busting with feeling!! (Got a lot of love to give) haha xx |
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He wanted to continue even with the guilt! It was me that couldn't keep it going cos I felt bad for him feeling it but mostly his completely innocent gf!!!! I felt a fool possibly for doing myself out of what has Been thrilling at times, out of guilt for someone I don't even know?
And how is it possible that given the guilt he had written on him he could want to/be capable of continuing??
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Maybe I worded it wrong but the problem was why do we both feel guilty about his girlfriend when neither of us did about my other half!!!
Why did I feel so strong feelings of guilt when I don't know her
How could he want to continue to see me morally if he was feeling guilty couldn't get my head around it that's all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe I worded it wrong but the problem was why do we both feel guilty about his girlfriend when neither of us did about my other half!!!
Why did I feel so strong feelings of guilt when I don't know her
How could he want to continue to see me morally if he was feeling guilty couldn't get my head around it that's all"
Because your husband cheated on you. His girlfriend hasn't. |
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"Maybe I worded it wrong but the problem was why do we both feel guilty about his girlfriend when neither of us did about my other half!!!
Why did I feel so strong feelings of guilt when I don't know her
How could he want to continue to see me morally if he was feeling guilty couldn't get my head around it that's all"
Because as I said earlier he doesn't know your husband so doesn't care but he knows and likes his girlfriend.
You know how bad being cheated on makes you feel so you feel guilty for helping him do it to her. |
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