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Declining a marriage proposal
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Why do the relationships end on soaps after this happens? I understand fully that soaps are not 'real' however i have friends who have been in serious relationships and it breaks down after.
I thought it would be the highest form of flattery for someone wanting to marry you.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why do the relationships end on soaps after this happens? I understand fully that soaps are not 'real' however i have friends who have been in serious relationships and it breaks down after.
I thought it would be the highest form of flattery for someone wanting to marry you.
"
doesnt alway work out the way you want it to,  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've never proposed to anyone, ever.
I don't know how I would have reacted if I had and then been turned down.
I suppose it depends on where your relationship is, on whether or not either of you decide to call it off |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you ask someone to marry you, it's kind of a 'make or break' question for the relationship."
but that's the bit i don't quite understand, to get up to the point of asking someone to marry you things must be great within the relationship. Even if the answer was 'no' the relationship must still be good |
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As I have stated on several threads, in my life 3 partners have asked me to marry them and 3 times I have declined.
Each relationship ended fairly shortly after.
Some people seek the 'ideal' they have been brainwashed to follow... some don't.
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"If you ask someone to marry you, it's kind of a 'make or break' question for the relationship.
but that's the bit i don't quite understand, to get up to the point of asking someone to marry you things must be great within the relationship. Even if the answer was 'no' the relationship must still be good "
The relationship then changes because it's now out in the open that one person wants something the other does not.
Assuming the proposal was well intentioned and heartfelt, rejection of it by the other party can then lead to big tensions within what was previously a 'solid' relationship.
The underlying question if it's a 'no' is, well, what DO you want if not the rest of your life as 'us' etc.
This in turn often leads to WAY more questions than answers. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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thanks for the replies.
My _iew is that marriage isn't everything. Its a piece of paper (in my eyes) and makes separating very difficult. Just because id not want to marry a man doesn't mean i don't want to spend forever with him.
Can see its important to others though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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a marriage proposal is like a promise to commit 100%, accepting one is the same, if the other person is not prepared to commit 100% then what is the point in going any further. |
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"a marriage proposal is like a promise to commit 100%, accepting one is the same, if the other person is not prepared to commit 100% then what is the point in going any further."
So me just saying I commit 100% isn't enough? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't want to get married not even sure if I want to live with someone I enjoy my own space too much I know I am not totally on my own kids and things with my postman going great. I know couples who have been together for years got married and within a year they getting a divorce. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"a marriage proposal is like a promise to commit 100%, accepting one is the same, if the other person is not prepared to commit 100% then what is the point in going any further.
So me just saying I commit 100% isn't enough?"
we can all say the words, but the actions speak louder than words |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had a relationship that broke up because I didn't want to get married again, he took it that if I wouldn't marry him I obviously didn't love him which wasnt the case I just didn't want to get married again oh well saved me from another divorce  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So me just saying I commit 100% isn't enough?we can all say the words, but the actions speak louder than words"
See i don't agree that actions speak louder than words. I believe if someone is in it for the long haul they can prove it by having a successful relationship. |
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"a marriage proposal is like a promise to commit 100%, accepting one is the same, if the other person is not prepared to commit 100% then what is the point in going any further.
So me just saying I commit 100% isn't enough?we can all say the words, but the actions speak louder than words"
Are you saying EVERY person who has EVER got married wanted to commit 100% to their partner? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's more than "just a piece of paper"...that's usually said by people who've never had one! "
Yes, agreed! You get your "piece of paper" after exchanging vows and agreeing to commit the rest of your lives to each other.
It annoys the hell out of me when 'throw away' comments are made about marriage 
Sometimes it just doesn't work out... quite often down to the fact that the couple married for the wrong reasons and I (even though I am not a big fan of soaps) do like it when marriage proposals are turned down numerous times on tv.... It may send out the right message to some that are about to make a big mistake.
Sometimes a couple get married for the right reasons but it still doesn't work out because of reasons beyond their control.... their marriage was never ever 'just a bit of paper'. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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also if a person wanted to marry me its because they loved and trusted me, so when id turn around and say i didnt want to marry its not because i didn't love them i just didn't want the fuss and ceremony. A ring on my finger and piece of paper certainly wouldn't mean i loved him any more. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's more than "just a piece of paper"...that's usually said by people who've never had one!
Yes, agreed! You get your "piece of paper" after exchanging vows and agreeing to commit the rest of your lives to each other.
It annoys the hell out of me when 'throw away' comments are made about marriage
Sometimes it just doesn't work out... quite often down to the fact that the couple married for the wrong reasons and I (even though I am not a big fan of soaps) do like it when marriage proposals are turned down numerous times on tv.... It may send out the right message to some that are about to make a big mistake.
Sometimes a couple get married for the right reasons but it still doesn't work out because of reasons beyond their control.... their marriage was never ever 'just a bit of paper'."
I accept your happily married and you feel different about it, but what you have with your partner can be achieved without being married. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"a marriage proposal is like a promise to commit 100%, accepting one is the same, if the other person is not prepared to commit 100% then what is the point in going any further.
So me just saying I commit 100% isn't enough?we can all say the words, but the actions speak louder than words
Are you saying EVERY person who has EVER got married wanted to commit 100% to their partner?"
Where the couple have a choice, and choose to get married, then yes, I realise people marry for all reasons, kids, money, even for love sometimes, but as a rule a mutual acceptance of a marriage proposal is a commitment to the future |
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"a marriage proposal is like a promise to commit 100%, accepting one is the same, if the other person is not prepared to commit 100% then what is the point in going any further.
So me just saying I commit 100% isn't enough?we can all say the words, but the actions speak louder than words
Are you saying EVERY person who has EVER got married wanted to commit 100% to their partner?Where the couple have a choice, and choose to get married, then yes, I realise people marry for all reasons, kids, money, even for love sometimes, but as a rule a mutual acceptance of a marriage proposal is a commitment to the future"
It can't be a 'rule'.... you've already said people do it for different reasons. It may be the general ethos/principle or whatever.... but if it is not a cast in stone rule, then the action does not always speak louder than the genuine words. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"a marriage proposal is like a promise to commit 100%, accepting one is the same, if the other person is not prepared to commit 100% then what is the point in going any further.
So me just saying I commit 100% isn't enough?we can all say the words, but the actions speak louder than words
Are you saying EVERY person who has EVER got married wanted to commit 100% to their partner?Where the couple have a choice, and choose to get married, then yes, I realise people marry for all reasons, kids, money, even for love sometimes, but as a rule a mutual acceptance of a marriage proposal is a commitment to the future
It can't be a 'rule'.... you've already said people do it for different reasons. It may be the general ethos/principle or whatever.... but if it is not a cast in stone rule, then the action does not always speak louder than the genuine words."
I agree you can commit to a reletionship, without getting married, but asking and accepting a marriage proposal is like putting the seal on it, maybe it is an old fashioned outmoded institution, and it is not for everone, I should know, done it twice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I happily eschewed marriage for 47 years thinking it a waste of time, money and effort.I loved being single. Then I met my husband and WHAM..marriage it was and I have never been happier. LOL..none of my friends belived me when I told them I was doing it, they were adamant I would have 'spinster of this parish' on my headstone. |
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I wish I could remember the names of the two British actors who were married but lived in two different houses. They'd bought two houses next to eachother... they may have even had a doorway between the two put in... but anyway, they each lived in their own house.
I really liked the sound of that and admired them for what they had worked out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wish I could remember the names of the two British actors who were married but lived in two different houses. They'd bought two houses next to eachother... they may have even had a doorway between the two put in... but anyway, they each lived in their own house.
I really liked the sound of that and admired them for what they had worked out."
Are yer thinking of Hepburn and Tracy ?
I memba something bout Hepburn....great actress.. |
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"I wish I could remember the names of the two British actors who were married but lived in two different houses. They'd bought two houses next to eachother... they may have even had a doorway between the two put in... but anyway, they each lived in their own house.
I really liked the sound of that and admired them for what they had worked out.
Are yer thinking of Hepburn and Tracy ?
I memba something bout Hepburn....great actress.."
Nahhh... it was on a daytime chat show type thing about 10 years ago. Two actors (been on the telly in quite a few things)..... I just remember it as I was so impressed with their solution. |
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There are people who openly admit to staying married for financial reasons, so they can live in a nice house, so they can maintain a lifestyle, so they don’t have to find out what it’s like to stand on your own two feet and earn it…in these instances is marriage the ultimate symbol of 100% commitment to another person? Or is it 100% commitment to their bank balance?
If marriage is the ultimate unquestionable declaration of being 100% committed to another person…. why are there so many married cheats around?
A marriage is only as strong as the truth of the words…. they are not always true just because they were said before witnesses.
To some marriage is way more than a bit of paper and a knees-up… but that is because of the truth behind their words and what the marriage represents to them.
I don’t disagree with marriage and I would indeed marry the right person…. the bit I have a problem with is the expectations generally attached to saying ‘I do’.
I think it is quite odd that generally the finger of not being committed enough is pointed at the person who declines the proposal and it’s frequently implied it is that person who is not prepared to commit 100% to the relationship and thus must not be totally happy.
Have many of you ever considered that the person who turned the proposal down is indeed 100% committed to the other person and is totally happy with the relationship…. exactly how it is. After all, isn’t it the person proposing who is asking to change the dynamics of the relationship… aren’t they the one saying they are not 100% happy about the relationship the way it is?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wish I could remember the names of the two British actors who were married but lived in two different houses. They'd bought two houses next to eachother... they may have even had a doorway between the two put in... but anyway, they each lived in their own house.
I really liked the sound of that and admired them for what they had worked out.
Are yer thinking of Hepburn and Tracy ?
I memba something bout Hepburn....great actress..
Nahhh... it was on a daytime chat show type thing about 10 years ago. Two actors (been on the telly in quite a few things)..... I just remember it as I was so impressed with their solution."
Helena Bonham Carter and her hubby live in separate houses. |
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"I wish I could remember the names of the two British actors who were married but lived in two different houses. They'd bought two houses next to eachother... they may have even had a doorway between the two put in... but anyway, they each lived in their own house.
I really liked the sound of that and admired them for what they had worked out.
Are yer thinking of Hepburn and Tracy ?
I memba something bout Hepburn....great actress..
Nahhh... it was on a daytime chat show type thing about 10 years ago. Two actors (been on the telly in quite a few things)..... I just remember it as I was so impressed with their solution.
Helena Bonham Carter and her hubby live in separate houses. "
I am pretty sure it's not her I am thinking of. I can't picture her in a terrace house either lol |
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"I wish I could remember the names of the two British actors who were married but lived in two different houses. They'd bought two houses next to eachother... they may have even had a doorway between the two put in... but anyway, they each lived in their own house.
I really liked the sound of that and admired them for what they had worked out.
Are yer thinking of Hepburn and Tracy ?
I memba something bout Hepburn....great actress.."
They had a long time affair. Traceys wife was Catholic and would not divorce him |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wish I could remember the names of the two British actors who were married but lived in two different houses. They'd bought two houses next to eachother... they may have even had a doorway between the two put in... but anyway, they each lived in their own house.
I really liked the sound of that and admired them for what they had worked out.
Are yer thinking of Hepburn and Tracy ?
I memba something bout Hepburn....great actress..
Nahhh... it was on a daytime chat show type thing about 10 years ago. Two actors (been on the telly in quite a few things)..... I just remember it as I was so impressed with their solution.
Helena Bonham Carter and her hubby live in separate houses.
I am pretty sure it's not her I am thinking of. I can't picture her in a terrace house either lol"
They do. Tim Burton bought the house next door to hers in Belsize Park, they put in a connecting door but like having their own homes.  |
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"I wish I could remember the names of the two British actors who were married but lived in two different houses. They'd bought two houses next to eachother... they may have even had a doorway between the two put in... but anyway, they each lived in their own house.
I really liked the sound of that and admired them for what they had worked out.
Are yer thinking of Hepburn and Tracy ?
I memba something bout Hepburn....great actress..
Nahhh... it was on a daytime chat show type thing about 10 years ago. Two actors (been on the telly in quite a few things)..... I just remember it as I was so impressed with their solution.
Helena Bonham Carter and her hubby live in separate houses.
I am pretty sure it's not her I am thinking of. I can't picture her in a terrace house either lol
They do. Tim Burton bought the house next door to hers in Belsize Park, they put in a connecting door but like having their own homes. "
Cool - I bet they nicked the idea from the couple I am thinking of lol
I think it sounds a wonderful way to live. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wish I could remember the names of the two British actors who were married but lived in two different houses. They'd bought two houses next to eachother... they may have even had a doorway between the two put in... but anyway, they each lived in their own house.
I really liked the sound of that and admired them for what they had worked out.
Are yer thinking of Hepburn and Tracy ?
I memba something bout Hepburn....great actress..
Nahhh... it was on a daytime chat show type thing about 10 years ago. Two actors (been on the telly in quite a few things)..... I just remember it as I was so impressed with their solution."
Kinda bothering me now..as I feel I know...I`ll remember tomorrow most likely...
Yeah...kinda admirable....marching to the beat of their own drum..
I always remember a phrase of Kabil Gibrans...there must be space in your togetherness..
I could imagine myself being able to maintain that sort of relationship.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wish I could remember the names of the two British actors who were married but lived in two different houses. They'd bought two houses next to eachother... they may have even had a doorway between the two put in... but anyway, they each lived in their own house.
I really liked the sound of that and admired them for what they had worked out.
Are yer thinking of Hepburn and Tracy ?
I memba something bout Hepburn....great actress..
They had a long time affair. Traceys wife was Catholic and would not divorce him"
Yeah..thats ringing bells..they adored each other....mabye they didn`t have an adjoining door afterall...whoops ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I accept your happily married and you feel different about it, but what you have with your partner can be achieved without being married."
I have to say something hand on heart....
You are wrong.
....a tough time years back nearly saw the end of us.... If we hadn't been married and were not able to look back at the reasons why we got married in the first place... I don't think we would have got through it.
Marriage gave us the strength to carry on and grow closer together |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I accept your happily married and you feel different about it, but what you have with your partner can be achieved without being married.
I have to say something hand on heart....
You are wrong.
....a tough time years back nearly saw the end of us.... If we hadn't been married and were not able to look back at the reasons why we got married in the first place... I don't think we would have got through it.
Marriage gave us the strength to carry on and grow closer together "
we have very different _iews. A piece of paper, a ring and a dress means jack shit in my eyes. Its the bond between two people that make it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I accept your happily married and you feel different about it, but what you have with your partner can be achieved without being married.
I have to say something hand on heart....
You are wrong.
....a tough time years back nearly saw the end of us.... If we hadn't been married and were not able to look back at the reasons why we got married in the first place... I don't think we would have got through it.
Marriage gave us the strength to carry on and grow closer together "
I`d have to disagree...I would say its the strength of the relationship...
When things go tits up..its emotional maturity or good counsel that save relationships..
Being wise to the qualities that brought two people together, isn`t conditional on the type of committement they made...surely....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I accept your happily married and you feel different about it, but what you have with your partner can be achieved without being married.
I have to say something hand on heart....
You are wrong.
....a tough time years back nearly saw the end of us.... If we hadn't been married and were not able to look back at the reasons why we got married in the first place... I don't think we would have got through it.
Marriage gave us the strength to carry on and grow closer together
we have very different _iews. A piece of paper, a ring and a dress means jack shit in my eyes. Its the bond between two people that make it."
Well, I'm happy and content with my life... married to my soulmate.
You are happy with yours... that's why being different suites us |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I A piece of paper, a ring and a dress means jack shit in my eyes. Its the bond between two people that make it."
Give us all your opinion on relationships when you have lived life a little. |
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"I accept your happily married and you feel different about it, but what you have with your partner can be achieved without being married.
I have to say something hand on heart....
You are wrong.
....a tough time years back nearly saw the end of us.... If we hadn't been married and were not able to look back at the reasons why we got married in the first place... I don't think we would have got through it.
Marriage gave us the strength to carry on and grow closer together
I`d have to disagree...I would say its the strength of the relationship...
When things go tits up..its emotional maturity or good counsel that save relationships..
Being wise to the qualities that brought two people together, isn`t conditional on the type of committement they made...surely....
"
And I have to disagree with you... but only a little bit.
I would think marriage 'could' be a factor.... but that depends on what the marriage represents to the two people involved... and whether they share the same beliefs about marriage. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I A piece of paper, a ring and a dress means jack shit in my eyes. Its the bond between two people that make it.
Give us all your opinion on relationships when you have lived life a little."
so because of my age im no longer entitled to opinions? I haven't witnessed my mum go through 2 divorces, ive not watched friends suffer with heartache when things go tits up? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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At the end of the day it suits some and not others
And does it really matter either way as long as the way they choose suits the couple?
Yes it's a big commitment and means different things to different people
To me personally it's a public showing of love for your partner shouting it from the roof tops if ya like
It should never be allowed to take away a persons individuality |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When things go tits up..its emotional maturity or good counsel that save relationships..."
Being emotionally immature had nothing to do with the testing time. It was reasons that were out of our control and shall remain private.
Counselling wasn't required either... again, the reasons why we had decided to exchange wedding vows gave us the strength.
I appreciate that we all have differing _iews on marriage. You guys choose not to get married.... do I think your bond is stronger than ours because we are married and you are not? Hell no!....
I've known a couple that were together 14 years before getting married, happy as pig in shit until then... 6 months later... divorced
...marriage is not for everyone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"At the end of the day it suits some and not others
And does it really matter either way as long as the way they choose suits the couple?
Yes it's a big commitment and means different things to different people
To me personally it's a public showing of love for your partner shouting it from the roof tops if ya like
It should never be allowed to take away a persons individuality "
Takes away half their worldly goods though! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I accept your happily married and you feel different about it, but what you have with your partner can be achieved without being married.
I have to say som
....a tough time years back nearly saw the end of us.... If we hadn't been married and were not able to look back at the reasons why we got married in the first place... I don't think we would have got through it.
Marriage gave us the strength to carry on and grow closer together
I`d have to disagree...I would say its the strength of the relationship...
When things go tits up..its emotional maturity or good counsel that save relationships..
Being wise to the qualities that brought two people together, isn`t conditional on the type of committement they made...surely....
And I have to disagree with you... but only a little bit.
I would think marriage 'could' be a factor.... but that depends on what the marriage represents to the two people involved... and whether they share the same beliefs about marriage."
Yeah, fair enough..
Expressing things that way..seems sensible and prudent...
Its a subject that has at its crux...people and beliefs..both will conspire to give different perspectives.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Observing others and experiencing for yourself are rarely the same."
That I do agree with! My own parents were shocking role models when it came to wedded 'bliss' 
....I grew up NEVER EVER wanting to get married because of their behaviour towards each other, turned down two guys including my daughters father (he was a twit anyway)... met someone special and changed my mind about life |
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Marriage is for some people and isnt for others.
When we got married nearly 23yrs ago it had nothing to do with a having a fancy dress or party, infact ours was a low key affair with family and 1 or 2 close friends. We got married because we had found our soul mate in each other, and knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. At the time everyone we knew said it wouldnt last, but hey what did they know.
Yes we have had our ups and downs like most couples, but we worked it out together. sometimes when in a relationship(non Marriage) the people invovled dont work at it, its easier to walk away from a relationship than it is a marriage.
Some work out others dont but thats life. When most people are making their vows, at the time they are making them for the right reason. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When things go tits up..its emotional maturity or good counsel that save relationships...
Being emotionally immature had nothing to do with the testing time. It was reasons that were out of our control and shall remain private.
Counselling wasn't required either... again, the reasons why we had decided to exchange wedding vows gave us the strength.
I appreciate that we all have differing _iews on marriage. You guys choose not to get married.... do I think your bond is stronger than ours because we are married and you are not? Hell no!....
I've known a couple that were together 14 years before getting married, happy as pig in shit until then... 6 months later... divorced
...marriage is not for everyone."
Yer personalising my post onto yerself...with respect....
There wasn`t any inference of you being immature....instead it could be read as a compliment %*
Emotional maturity by its virtue, is beneficial in emotionally turbulent times eh !.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When things go tits up..its emotional maturity or good counsel that save relationships...
Being emotionally immature had nothing to do with the testing time. It was reasons that were out of our control and shall remain private.
Counselling wasn't required either... again, the reasons why we had decided to exchange wedding vows gave us the strength.
I appreciate that we all have differing _iews on marriage. You guys choose not to get married.... do I think your bond is stronger than ours because we are married and you are not? Hell no!....
I've known a couple that were together 14 years before getting married, happy as pig in shit until then... 6 months later... divorced
...marriage is not for everyone.
Yer personalising my post onto yerself...with respect....
There wasn`t any inference of you being immature....instead it could be read as a compliment %*
Emotional maturity by its virtue, is beneficial in emotionally turbulent times eh !.."
PS..happy for you .. |
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