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Heart Attack 'News'

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP   Woman  over a year ago

King's Crustacean

Headlines this morning ......

A new wonder diet to stop heart attacks.....

Sneakily I read the opening paragraphs to see if I wanted to buy the paper.

Here is it folks ..... Your much needed 'NEWS'

Exercise more, Eat Less, Eat more fruit and Veg cut right back on booze, fat a and sugar????

What UN'News' Item have you read lately?

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By *ensualfire88Man  over a year ago

Edinburgh

There are people in the Big Brother house.

They have been doing stuff.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I heard some so-called News the other day!!! apparently there's a new series of Big-Brother started.....

But who the fuk needs to know that?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I see I'm not alone then!!!

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By *ensualfire88Man  over a year ago

Edinburgh

House prices may go up/down, depending what happens in the economy.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Apparently are also expecting some autumnal weather!!!!

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By *ensualfire88Man  over a year ago

Edinburgh

Which may be unseasonally warm.

Or cold.

Depending how the weather is.

Either way, it's a sure sign of global warming.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

And in a bold move ,,,, Drastic new measures, may now be required to replace the previous drastic measures which were boldly brought in to solve the crisis......

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"And in a bold move ,,,, Drastic new measures, may now be required to replace the previous drastic measures which were boldly brought in to solve the crisis...... "

........ leaves on the tracks again?

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP   Woman  over a year ago

King's Crustacean

911

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By *ensualfire88Man  over a year ago

Edinburgh

The economy is struggling.

It's all the fault of the Government/previous government.

Or the bankers.

Depending which day it is.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"

........ leaves on the tracks again? "

That’s a tricky one though…. The rail companies have a crack team looking into it….

But so far, all they’ve come up with is two ideas,,,,

Either drive over the top of the leaves and squash them … or alternatively they propose sending a specially adapted train with a big brush attached to the front, to sweep the lines clean before other trains uses it….

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By *ranny-Crumpet OP   Woman  over a year ago

King's Crustacean

DFS are having a sale ?

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By *eorge17Man  over a year ago

Leven

Some people don't like Ed Miliband.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Victoria Beckham was seen out shopping with her baby!!!!

OMG that woman must be so amazing!!!!

I mean fancy that,,,,,,,, she actually went out shopping with her baby!!!!..... how does she manage it!!!

Its just utterly incredible…

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

princess diana is dead and need a front cover for the daily express.

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By *ensualfire88Man  over a year ago

Edinburgh

A glass of red wine a day does/does not give you cancer.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

The wholesale price of oil and gas has risen, so domestic Fuel bills are expected to increase,,,,,

while in other news,,,,

Annalists forecast there should be a fall in the wholesale price of oil an gas before the end of the year, so we can expect higher domestic fuel bill as a result of that too ….

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By *ensualfire88Man  over a year ago

Edinburgh

Kerry Katona not dead.

Yet.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Question marks have been raised regards Cliff Richards sexuality when he was recently spotted buying a George Michael album....

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By *ensualfire88Man  over a year ago

Edinburgh

John and Sally Bercow not divorced.

Yet.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"John and Sally Bercow not divorced.

Yet."

Disparate cunts ..united forever by their capacity to envingle contempt..

No news there then..

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

In an attempt to quell doubters, new photographic evidence has now been provided by NASA supporting their claims to have landed men on the moon…..

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Apparently some evolutionary experts now suggest Dinosaurs may have become extinct before they could adapt to whatever caused their demise,,,

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Headlines this morning ......

A new wonder diet to stop heart attacks.....

Sneakily I read the opening paragraphs to see if I wanted to buy the paper.

Here is it folks ..... Your much needed 'NEWS'

Exercise more, Eat Less, Eat more fruit and Veg cut right back on booze, fat a and sugar????

What UN'News' Item have you read lately?"

Well I do all that anyway and still had one

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"John and Sally Bercow not divorced.

Yet.

Disparate cunts ..united forever by their capacity to envingle contempt..

No news there then.."

I`ve an image of John Bercow in a white toga...reslendent with laurel leaves...eyes ablaze with vacous authority...

Cheered me up no end...

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Thye're not growing bananas in Jamacia any longer ....

They're long enough already !!!

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By *ensualfire88Man  over a year ago

Edinburgh

Andy Murray is through to the the second round of the Kualar Lumpar Mens Invitational after beating the Kazakhstan #6 Jerzy Skolimowski who took him to a tie break in a tense blah blah fucking blah

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Common people ae heard muttering...there should be a Law against...IT...

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Common people ae heard muttering...there should be a Law against...IT..."

And

The people who preside over the law are heard muttering,,,,,,,, ewwwww Common people, there really ought to be a law against them !!!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Rugby players drink beer....lots of it ....apparently...

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Common people ae heard muttering...there should be a Law against...IT...

And

The people who preside over the law are heard muttering,,,,,,,, ewwwww Common people, there really ought to be a law against them !!!

"

Dumbing down and illiteracy are a cunning plan methinks..

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Rugby players drink beer....lots of it ....apparently..."

Although it not yet fully established whether its not just the case that many beer drinker simply enjoy playing rugby….

After-all... that man on man contact after a few pints, doesn’t seem so gay...apparently!!!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

We're in a recession.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Rugby players drink beer....lots of it ....apparently...

Although it not yet fully established whether its not just the case that many beer drinker simply enjoy playing rugby….

After-all... that man on man contact after a few pints, doesn’t seem so gay...apparently!!!"

hahaha...I`ve an image of gnarled grizzlies glowing with an after glow of Timotei and herbal essences...its a brave new world...

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

A nut allergy warning on a packet of peanuts

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By *ensualfire88Man  over a year ago

Edinburgh

TV talent show judge said something to other TV talent show judge on TV talent show last night about either TV talent show judge or TV talent show contestant.

TV talent show execs state 'we will have to look into this'.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Government launches an inquiry....about the inquiry they last launched on public spending by quangos..

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"A nut allergy warning on a packet of peanuts "

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By *inktherapyCouple  over a year ago

Gloucester


"A nut allergy warning on a packet of peanuts

"

Think the same warning is on Cadbury's wholenut too....

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"A nut allergy warning on a packet of peanuts

Think the same warning is on Cadbury's wholenut too.... "

Yes it is

I think "warning! may contain nuts" may as well be printed on mens underwear too

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

BP, Shell, and some other petrol companies announce 25% reduction in fuel prices effective Jan 1st 2009.

Ha Ha.. fooled ya!!

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By *icheekyMan  over a year ago

Birmingham


"A nut allergy warning on a packet of peanuts

Think the same warning is on Cadbury's wholenut too....

Yes it is

I think "warning! may contain nuts" may as well be printed on mens underwear too "

My underwear has "Caution - Choking Hazard - Keep away from children." on it.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

People post stuff on forums-

Other people replied.

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By *ittlemorespiceCouple  over a year ago

North Cornwall


"There are people in the Big Brother house.

They have been doing stuff."

Thats a vicious lie! I dont think they are doing anything.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"People post stuff on forums-

Other people replied."

No they don't

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Headline news-

Cheeky poster got a spanking lol

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By *ushroom7Man  over a year ago

Bradford


"A nut allergy warning on a packet of peanuts

Think the same warning is on Cadbury's wholenut too....

Yes it is

I think "warning! may contain nuts" may as well be printed on mens underwear too "

It also ought to be the sub-title to Fabswingers.

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By *ushroom7Man  over a year ago

Bradford


"Headline news-

Cheeky poster got a spanking lol "

With cheek(s) like that, are you sure it wasn't a typo? I'd be sp*nking in no time.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Headline news-

Cheeky poster got a spanking lol

With cheek(s) like that, are you sure it wasn't a typo? I'd be sp*nking in no time."

I thought we had discussed your typing lol

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