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Who pays on dates???
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've seen a number of news articles and different opinions on this topic in the media lately, and thought I'd get fabs opinion.
On a first date between two singles, who should pick up the cheque and why.
Also, as it's fab and the rules are slightly different, if a couple have agreed to a seperate swap between just one half of each of couple, is the guy from one and the girl from the other, who pays for the hotel?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Every meal ive gone to the woman offers to pay half. I don't mind paying the bill in that case. If a woman came for a meal with me and expected me to pay for the lot, i'd be happy to walk out without paying anything |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a general rule, the bill should always be split. It should never be assumed otherwise.
I will always insist to pay but I expect an argument, as you shouldn't presume I will.
Although if it's one of those dates where you know you'll never see this person again I resent paying. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would (call me old fashioned) like the man to buy the first drink....but I would happily buy one after that.
When it comes to who pays for the room....im not working at the moment so it's not that I'm not willing to split the cost just that I can't afford it. The men I've seen have mostly been on business so it's not been too much of an issue.
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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago
North Oxfordshire |
"As a general rule, the bill should always be split. It should never be assumed otherwise.
I will always insist to pay but I expect an argument, as you shouldn't presume I will.
Although if it's one of those dates where you know you'll never see this person again I resent paying."
I find men who 'insist' that they pay quickly turns into one of those dates where I will never see them again. So I let them pay. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would always try and pay for half... but everytime I try the man says no and pays 100%.
I am old fashioned and I do think the man should pay but I am happy to show willingness of paying half as we are in a modern world now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a general rule, the bill should always be split. It should never be assumed otherwise.
I will always insist to pay but I expect an argument, as you shouldn't presume I will.
Although if it's one of those dates where you know you'll never see this person again I resent paying.
I find men who 'insist' that they pay quickly turns into one of those dates where I will never see them again. So I let them pay."
I knew the word insist would backfire, I was trying to sound gallant.
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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago
North Oxfordshire |
"As a general rule, the bill should always be split. It should never be assumed otherwise.
I will always insist to pay but I expect an argument, as you shouldn't presume I will.
Although if it's one of those dates where you know you'll never see this person again I resent paying.
I find men who 'insist' that they pay quickly turns into one of those dates where I will never see them again. So I let them pay.
I knew the word insist would backfire, I was trying to sound gallant.
"
I just find it disrespectful for a guy to assume that I can't afford to pay halves. I wouldn't have gone on the date if I couldn't afford half. So if a guy says anything along the lines of 'no, I insist' then I immediately know that he doesn't really respect me (or perhaps women in general) and get out of there pronto. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I pay for my own meets and hotel. That way there's no expectation if we don't click face to face, as it won't have cost the guy anything other than an hour or two of time.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a general rule, the bill should always be split. It should never be assumed otherwise.
I will always insist to pay but I expect an argument, as you shouldn't presume I will.
Although if it's one of those dates where you know you'll never see this person again I resent paying.
I find men who 'insist' that they pay quickly turns into one of those dates where I will never see them again. So I let them pay.
I knew the word insist would backfire, I was trying to sound gallant.
I just find it disrespectful for a guy to assume that I can't afford to pay halves. I wouldn't have gone on the date if I couldn't afford half. So if a guy says anything along the lines of 'no, I insist' then I immediately know that he doesn't really respect me (or perhaps women in general) and get out of there pronto."
My general go to is 'You get the drinks at the next place' or that it was my suggestion. I would never assume anyone's income, or anything along those lines but this is a discussion where society is split.
Because it is a bit of a grey area topic, it's hard to say or do things where you can't be accused of being a misogynist.
I am far from it, but I do think it's polite to pay for a first date. Everything should be 50/50, but a man needs to do something to make him appear gallant so we just do it.
I genuinely considered this as a topic for a dissertation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've seen a number of news articles and different opinions on this topic in the media lately, and thought I'd get fabs opinion.
On a first date between two singles, who should pick up the cheque and why.
Also, as it's fab and the rules are slightly different, if a couple have agreed to a seperate swap between just one half of each of couple, is the guy from one and the girl from the other, who pays for the hotel?
"
dates 50/50
socials 50/50
meets 50/50 |
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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago
North Oxfordshire |
"
My general go to is 'You get the drinks at the next place' or that it was my suggestion. I would never assume anyone's income, or anything along those lines but this is a discussion where society is split.
Because it is a bit of a grey area topic, it's hard to say or do things where you can't be accused of being a misogynist.
I am far from it, but I do think it's polite to pay for a first date. Everything should be 50/50, but a man needs to do something to make him appear gallant so we just do it.
I genuinely considered this as a topic for a dissertation."
The problem is, that paying for women on dates is born out of a patriarchal society and so *doing* is participating in that society and encouraging it to flourish. It is born from a time when women weren't allowed to work, and therefore men *had* to pay for everything, so by continuing to buy into that kind of behaviour you are buying into the idea that women *can't* or *shouldn't* pay.
You do not need to appear 'gallant'. If by 'gallant' you mean 'chivalrous'. There's simply no need for that kind of sexist behaviour anymore. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I offer to pay my share because not all men want or can afford to pay. But if a man wants to pay for me then I respect that, and I’m also extremely flattered because men don’t have to do that these days. I do expect a man to buy the first round though.
Mrs
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Split it in both cases, we have equality now.
 "
Men and women will only ever be equal from a sexual perspective when men and women have identical approaches to sex. As it stands there are far more men searching for casual sex than women, there are far more men than women on Fab. There’s eveidence that even amongst women in favour of NSA sex they are arguably fussier than men on the whole. And throughout history men have always had to go the extra mile to get a woman into bed. In the old days men used to have to put their hands in their pockets. Now we are telling men they have to have good profiles to meet impress us, and the men that make no effort tend to go without.
Mrs |
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I don't hate it when women don't pay their own way but I do love it when they do.
An ex-girlfriend of mine was a feminist, studying to be a lawyer. Young, attractive and fiercely intelligent - she had an opinion on everything.
However, put her at the bar with a few blokes and she turned into a giggling schoolgirl everytime a drink was offered. Most blokes would've never 'let' het buy a round, but it drove me up the wall that she never offered.
Sorry, open wound and all that! |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"
My general go to is 'You get the drinks at the next place' or that it was my suggestion. I would never assume anyone's income, or anything along those lines but this is a discussion where society is split.
Because it is a bit of a grey area topic, it's hard to say or do things where you can't be accused of being a misogynist.
I am far from it, but I do think it's polite to pay for a first date. Everything should be 50/50, but a man needs to do something to make him appear gallant so we just do it.
I genuinely considered this as a topic for a dissertation.
The problem is, that paying for women on dates is born out of a patriarchal society and so *doing* is participating in that society and encouraging it to flourish. It is born from a time when women weren't allowed to work, and therefore men *had* to pay for everything, so by continuing to buy into that kind of behaviour you are buying into the idea that women *can't* or *shouldn't* pay.
You do not need to appear 'gallant'. If by 'gallant' you mean 'chivalrous'. There's simply no need for that kind of sexist behaviour anymore."
If attempting to be a gentleman or being chivalrous is sexist, then I am sexist and proud. I also offer my seat to ladies on the bus or train so nerr. |
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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago
North Oxfordshire |
"
If attempting to be a gentleman or being chivalrous is sexist, then I am sexist and proud. I also offer my seat to ladies on the bus or train so nerr."
Because you believe women to be less capable than men of standing up on public transport?
Tell me... is it their proportionately wider hips that prevent their stability? Or do their breasts simply make them top heavy? |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"
If attempting to be a gentleman or being chivalrous is sexist, then I am sexist and proud. I also offer my seat to ladies on the bus or train so nerr.
Because you believe women to be less capable than men of standing up on public transport?
Tell me... is it their proportionately wider hips that prevent their stability? Or do their breasts simply make them top heavy?"
Yeah those are the reasons why I do it! Lmao. I have heard some shite in my time but you win. |
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I personally believe the male should pay, but I am aware this train of thought tends to be viewed as a bit old fashioned. No real reasons I think the male should pay other than good manners and romantic |
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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago
North Oxfordshire |
"
If attempting to be a gentleman or being chivalrous is sexist, then I am sexist and proud. I also offer my seat to ladies on the bus or train so nerr.
Because you believe women to be less capable than men of standing up on public transport?
Tell me... is it their proportionately wider hips that prevent their stability? Or do their breasts simply make them top heavy?
Yeah those are the reasons why I do it! Lmao. I have heard some shite in my time but you win."
Well... there must be a reason that you're giving up your seat. It couldn't just be because you're borrowing from values that said women were physically inferior... surely? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I was on a romantic date id offer to pay half but I do like if a man pays. I like the tradition of it and I like being looked after. I would insist on paying for the second date though.
On a fab date id expect to pay half. If the other person insisted on paying the hotel then id insist on paying for any food or drinks and things. |
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"
My general go to is 'You get the drinks at the next place' or that it was my suggestion. I would never assume anyone's income, or anything along those lines but this is a discussion where society is split.
Because it is a bit of a grey area topic, it's hard to say or do things where you can't be accused of being a misogynist.
I am far from it, but I do think it's polite to pay for a first date. Everything should be 50/50, but a man needs to do something to make him appear gallant so we just do it.
I genuinely considered this as a topic for a dissertation.
The problem is, that paying for women on dates is born out of a patriarchal society and so *doing* is participating in that society and encouraging it to flourish. It is born from a time when women weren't allowed to work, and therefore men *had* to pay for everything, so by continuing to buy into that kind of behaviour you are buying into the idea that women *can't* or *shouldn't* pay.
You do not need to appear 'gallant'. If by 'gallant' you mean 'chivalrous'. There's simply no need for that kind of sexist behaviour anymore."
I disagree, I don't find it sexist at all, just generous. All of the gents I see always want to buy the first round, and sometimes want to pay for dinner, and I have no problem letting them decline my offer if they want to, especially if it is at their choice of restaurant. Sometimes men like to act
all manly and patriarchal, and accepting that is as much a gift I can give to them - why should I deny them such a small pleasure to make a point? If I feel like treating them to something I would expect them to accept gracefully too, and they do. Buying small gifts makes ME feel good sometimes too. |
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"I offer to pay my share because not all men want or can afford to pay. But if a man wants to pay for me then I respect that, and I’m also extremely flattered because men don’t have to do that these days. I do expect a man to buy the first round though.
Mrs
"
Respect is a good word. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
My general go to is 'You get the drinks at the next place' or that it was my suggestion. I would never assume anyone's income, or anything along those lines but this is a discussion where society is split.
Because it is a bit of a grey area topic, it's hard to say or do things where you can't be accused of being a misogynist.
I am far from it, but I do think it's polite to pay for a first date. Everything should be 50/50, but a man needs to do something to make him appear gallant so we just do it.
I genuinely considered this as a topic for a dissertation.
The problem is, that paying for women on dates is born out of a patriarchal society and so *doing* is participating in that society and encouraging it to flourish. It is born from a time when women weren't allowed to work, and therefore men *had* to pay for everything, so by continuing to buy into that kind of behaviour you are buying into the idea that women *can't* or *shouldn't* pay.
You do not need to appear 'gallant'. If by 'gallant' you mean 'chivalrous'. There's simply no need for that kind of sexist behaviour anymore.
If attempting to be a gentleman or being chivalrous is sexist, then I am sexist and proud. I also offer my seat to ladies on the bus or train so nerr."
I find it baffling anyone would find it sexist. I find it quite endearing that men still have those sort of manners. Just because it's offered, a woman doesn't have to accept, so no need for the over sensitive to get all irate about it  |
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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago
North Oxfordshire |
"
I find it baffling anyone would find it sexist. I find it quite endearing that men still have those sort of manners. Just because it's offered, a woman doesn't have to accept, so no need for the over sensitive to get all irate about it "
There's always that awkward moment though where a man offers a seat, a woman declines, and then he insists on standing up anyway almost to make some kind of a weird point about how she *should* be sitting down.
As Virginia Woolf said - it is not so much that SHE shall be inferior as that HE shall be superior. |
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"
I find it baffling anyone would find it sexist. I find it quite endearing that men still have those sort of manners. Just because it's offered, a woman doesn't have to accept, so no need for the over sensitive to get all irate about it
There's always that awkward moment though where a man offers a seat, a woman declines, and then he insists on standing up anyway almost to make some kind of a weird point about how she *should* be sitting down.
As Virginia Woolf said - it is not so much that SHE shall be inferior as that HE shall be superior."
Or maybe just kind.....  |
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By *ucy LewdWoman
over a year ago
North Oxfordshire |
"
I find it baffling anyone would find it sexist. I find it quite endearing that men still have those sort of manners. Just because it's offered, a woman doesn't have to accept, so no need for the over sensitive to get all irate about it
There's always that awkward moment though where a man offers a seat, a woman declines, and then he insists on standing up anyway almost to make some kind of a weird point about how she *should* be sitting down.
As Virginia Woolf said - it is not so much that SHE shall be inferior as that HE shall be superior.
Or maybe just kind..... "
IT's not though, is it? Because if it was 'just kind' then men would offer their seats for men who get on the bus as well as women? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I find it baffling anyone would find it sexist. I find it quite endearing that men still have those sort of manners. Just because it's offered, a woman doesn't have to accept, so no need for the over sensitive to get all irate about it
There's always that awkward moment though where a man offers a seat, a woman declines, and then he insists on standing up anyway almost to make some kind of a weird point about how she *should* be sitting down.
As Virginia Woolf said - it is not so much that SHE shall be inferior as that HE shall be superior."
Yeah if he continued to stand to make a point, that'd be awkward. But assuming that doesn't happen I just take it as someone with 'old fashion' manners, and think it's sort of sweet. |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"
I find it baffling anyone would find it sexist. I find it quite endearing that men still have those sort of manners. Just because it's offered, a woman doesn't have to accept, so no need for the over sensitive to get all irate about it
There's always that awkward moment though where a man offers a seat, a woman declines, and then he insists on standing up anyway almost to make some kind of a weird point about how she *should* be sitting down.
As Virginia Woolf said - it is not so much that SHE shall be inferior as that HE shall be superior.
Or maybe just kind.....
IT's not though, is it? Because if it was 'just kind' then men would offer their seats for men who get on the bus as well as women?"
Its just being a gentleman. Nothing more to it. Its like doffing a cap to a lady. Putting your cloak over a puddle for them to walk over. It might be a bit silly and outdated. I would rather keep to this silly tradionalist view than go back to when men used to drag women back to their caves after bashing them over the head. |
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i wont offer my seat on a bus, train etc simply because of a persons gender. Equally i will offer it to anyone regardless if they are elderly, have a clear disability or if they have a small child or toddler..
i will buy a drink initially but see no being gallant or lack of in that..
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"
I find it baffling anyone would find it sexist. I find it quite endearing that men still have those sort of manners. Just because it's offered, a woman doesn't have to accept, so no need for the over sensitive to get all irate about it
There's always that awkward moment though where a man offers a seat, a woman declines, and then he insists on standing up anyway almost to make some kind of a weird point about how she *should* be sitting down.
As Virginia Woolf said - it is not so much that SHE shall be inferior as that HE shall be superior.
Or maybe just kind.....
IT's not though, is it? Because if it was 'just kind' then men would offer their seats for men who get on the bus as well as women?
Its just being a gentleman. Nothing more to it. Its like doffing a cap to a lady. Putting your cloak over a puddle for them to walk over. It might be a bit silly and outdated. I would rather keep to this silly tradionalist view than go back to when men used to drag women back to their caves after bashing them over the head. "
doffing a cap? Really you actually do this?
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"
I find it baffling anyone would find it sexist. I find it quite endearing that men still have those sort of manners. Just because it's offered, a woman doesn't have to accept, so no need for the over sensitive to get all irate about it
There's always that awkward moment though where a man offers a seat, a woman declines, and then he insists on standing up anyway almost to make some kind of a weird point about how she *should* be sitting down.
As Virginia Woolf said - it is not so much that SHE shall be inferior as that HE shall be superior.
Or maybe just kind.....
IT's not though, is it? Because if it was 'just kind' then men would offer their seats for men who get on the bus as well as women?"
Lol you can choose to be kinder to women without malice - I give preferential treatment to men! ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I find it baffling anyone would find it sexist. I find it quite endearing that men still have those sort of manners. Just because it's offered, a woman doesn't have to accept, so no need for the over sensitive to get all irate about it
There's always that awkward moment though where a man offers a seat, a woman declines, and then he insists on standing up anyway almost to make some kind of a weird point about how she *should* be sitting down.
As Virginia Woolf said - it is not so much that SHE shall be inferior as that HE shall be superior.
Or maybe just kind.....
IT's not though, is it? Because if it was 'just kind' then men would offer their seats for men who get on the bus as well as women?
Its just being a gentleman. Nothing more to it. Its like doffing a cap to a lady. Putting your cloak over a puddle for them to walk over. It might be a bit silly and outdated. I would rather keep to this silly tradionalist view than go back to when men used to drag women back to their caves after bashing them over the head. "
I think it’s better than the alternative. The alternative being a somewhat misogynistic entitled attitude towards sex where no effort is required. My personal experience of men is that I’ve been treated in the whole better and mor respectfully by men who treat with old fashioned, arguably sexist, values.
Mrs |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"
I find it baffling anyone would find it sexist. I find it quite endearing that men still have those sort of manners. Just because it's offered, a woman doesn't have to accept, so no need for the over sensitive to get all irate about it
There's always that awkward moment though where a man offers a seat, a woman declines, and then he insists on standing up anyway almost to make some kind of a weird point about how she *should* be sitting down.
As Virginia Woolf said - it is not so much that SHE shall be inferior as that HE shall be superior.
Or maybe just kind.....
IT's not though, is it? Because if it was 'just kind' then men would offer their seats for men who get on the bus as well as women?
Its just being a gentleman. Nothing more to it. Its like doffing a cap to a lady. Putting your cloak over a puddle for them to walk over. It might be a bit silly and outdated. I would rather keep to this silly tradionalist view than go back to when men used to drag women back to their caves after bashing them over the head.
doffing a cap? Really you actually do this?
"
No of course not haha. Nor would I put my coat over a puddle. I think you know full well i was using ye olde examples of chivalry lol |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
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If I offered my seat to a lady and she refused I would not push her too. If I offered to pay for a meal or a hotel and the lady insisted on halves I wouldn't push the issue. I won't stop offering and I don't care if I am called sexist as a result. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As a general rule, the bill should always be split. It should never be assumed otherwise.
I will always insist to pay but I expect an argument, as you shouldn't presume I will.
Although if it's one of those dates where you know you'll never see this person again I resent paying.
I find men who 'insist' that they pay quickly turns into one of those dates where I will never see them again. So I let them pay.
I knew the word insist would backfire, I was trying to sound gallant.
I just find it disrespectful for a guy to assume that I can't afford to pay halves. I wouldn't have gone on the date if I couldn't afford half. So if a guy says anything along the lines of 'no, I insist' then I immediately know that he doesn't really respect me (or perhaps women in general) and get out of there pronto.
My general go to is 'You get the drinks at the next place' or that it was my suggestion. I would never assume anyone's income, or anything along those lines but this is a discussion where society is split.
"
If I became single again, I would never agree to go anywhere on a date or otherwise where I couldn't afford to pay for myself
J |
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"
If I became single again, I would never agree to go anywhere on a date or otherwise where I couldn't afford to pay for myself
J"
This is the main reason I don't go very often. I'll offer to do a picnic and meet in a park (when the weather is nice) coz that's what I can afford. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
My general go to is 'You get the drinks at the next place' or that it was my suggestion. I would never assume anyone's income, or anything along those lines but this is a discussion where society is split.
Because it is a bit of a grey area topic, it's hard to say or do things where you can't be accused of being a misogynist.
I am far from it, but I do think it's polite to pay for a first date. Everything should be 50/50, but a man needs to do something to make him appear gallant so we just do it.
I genuinely considered this as a topic for a dissertation.
The problem is, that paying for women on dates is born out of a patriarchal society and so *doing* is participating in that society and encouraging it to flourish. It is born from a time when women weren't allowed to work, and therefore men *had* to pay for everything, so by continuing to buy into that kind of behaviour you are buying into the idea that women *can't* or *shouldn't* pay.
You do not need to appear 'gallant'. If by 'gallant' you mean 'chivalrous'. There's simply no need for that kind of sexist behaviour anymore.
If attempting to be a gentleman or being chivalrous is sexist, then I am sexist and proud. I also offer my seat to ladies on the bus or train so nerr."
so do I, as a female, to those of either gender who appear to need the seat more than I do... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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50/50 until you get to know them properly.
I go with the idea that I'm going on a date with my best friend and treat them that way in regards to paying the bill.
I wouldn't expect my best friend to fully pay for the meal/drinks etc because that's not fair. 50/50 is by far the best and easiest way.
Offering to pay half isn't enough, you should pay half.
I've seen a few posts about people expecting the guy to pay for the first round of drinks, then she'll get the second round...if it goes that far. Why? Are you just after a freebie? Because I've known and seen a lot of women who do that.
I knew of a woman who didn't take any money with her when she went on a night out because she expected a guy to pay for everything for her because "that was the way she was raised". And that was her argument for it all, the guy pays because her parents raised her that way. No ifs or buts. So bad.
50/50 all the way until you know them properly. |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
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My general go to is 'You get the drinks at the next place' or that it was my suggestion. I would never assume anyone's income, or anything along those lines but this is a discussion where society is split.
Because it is a bit of a grey area topic, it's hard to say or do things where you can't be accused of being a misogynist.
I am far from it, but I do think it's polite to pay for a first date. Everything should be 50/50, but a man needs to do something to make him appear gallant so we just do it.
I genuinely considered this as a topic for a dissertation.
The problem is, that paying for women on dates is born out of a patriarchal society and so *doing* is participating in that society and encouraging it to flourish. It is born from a time when women weren't allowed to work, and therefore men *had* to pay for everything, so by continuing to buy into that kind of behaviour you are buying into the idea that women *can't* or *shouldn't* pay.
You do not need to appear 'gallant'. If by 'gallant' you mean 'chivalrous'. There's simply no need for that kind of sexist behaviour anymore.
If attempting to be a gentleman or being chivalrous is sexist, then I am sexist and proud. I also offer my seat to ladies on the bus or train so nerr.
so do I, as a female, to those of either gender who appear to need the seat more than I do..."
Which has nothing to do with the point I was making. I offer to anyone who appears to need the seat nore than I do regardless of gender as well. My point is I don't immediately think a lady needs the seat more. And you can read the other posts to get the rest of my view because I can't be arsed repeating myself. |
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"50/50 until you get to know them properly.
I go with the idea that I'm going on a date with my best friend and treat them that way in regards to paying the bill.
I wouldn't expect my best friend to fully pay for the meal/drinks etc because that's not fair. 50/50 is by far the best and easiest way.
Offering to pay half isn't enough, you should pay half.
I've seen a few posts about people expecting the guy to pay for the first round of drinks, then she'll get the second round...if it goes that far. Why? Are you just after a freebie? Because I've known and seen a lot of women who do that.
I knew of a woman who didn't take any money with her when she went on a night out because she expected a guy to pay for everything for her because "that was the way she was raised". And that was her argument for it all, the guy pays because her parents raised her that way. No ifs or buts. So bad.
50/50 all the way until you know them properly. "
I'm definitely not there for a freebie as you put it,but someone has to pay for the first drink and I just like it when men are assertive enough to do it,saves the argument in who pays and shows they are a decent guy to me.
So you buy your drink and he buys his is that how you work it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
My general go to is 'You get the drinks at the next place' or that it was my suggestion. I would never assume anyone's income, or anything along those lines but this is a discussion where society is split.
Because it is a bit of a grey area topic, it's hard to say or do things where you can't be accused of being a misogynist.
I am far from it, but I do think it's polite to pay for a first date. Everything should be 50/50, but a man needs to do something to make him appear gallant so we just do it.
I genuinely considered this as a topic for a dissertation.
The problem is, that paying for women on dates is born out of a patriarchal society and so *doing* is participating in that society and encouraging it to flourish. It is born from a time when women weren't allowed to work, and therefore men *had* to pay for everything, so by continuing to buy into that kind of behaviour you are buying into the idea that women *can't* or *shouldn't* pay.
You do not need to appear 'gallant'. If by 'gallant' you mean 'chivalrous'. There's simply no need for that kind of sexist behaviour anymore.
If attempting to be a gentleman or being chivalrous is sexist, then I am sexist and proud. I also offer my seat to ladies on the bus or train so nerr.
so do I, as a female, to those of either gender who appear to need the seat more than I do...
Which has nothing to do with the point I was making. I offer to anyone who appears to need the seat nore than I do regardless of gender as well. My point is I don't immediately think a lady needs the seat more. And you can read the other posts to get the rest of my view because I can't be arsed repeating myself."
Wow actually can't believe your giving him stick for being a respectful gentleman! Woman moan they want a man to treat them right and look after them then want equality!!
Iv given my seat up for men, is it the same?
I'm old fashioned and believe it's a respect thing, hold the door open, pull the chair out, hold her bag! Little things like that go a very long way in my eyes |
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"Definitely I would pay for the first drink then if they offered to buy second etc then fine.Not really a great opening line when the first words out of the guys mouth is are we going halves. "
Thankfully no-one has said that to me yet,I think I would die a little inside to be honest  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"50/50 until you get to know them properly.
Why would that change when you know someone better?"
Because you're building a relationship (of sorts) and it's not just a first date anymore. Hopefully you'll know that there will be more dates to come and that you can do the 'you pay for this one and I'll do the next' thing because you know for sure you're going to see them again.
If it's a first date and he pays for it all, because he insisted or whatever, and you later decide that perhaps it wasn't such a nice date or you don't want anything more from him then he could feel used or you could give him the impression that your time is worth x amount. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"As a general rule, the bill should always be split. It should never be assumed otherwise.
I will always insist to pay but I expect an argument, as you shouldn't presume I will.
Although if it's one of those dates where you know you'll never see this person again I resent paying.
I find men who 'insist' that they pay quickly turns into one of those dates where I will never see them again. So I let them pay.
I knew the word insist would backfire, I was trying to sound gallant.
I just find it disrespectful for a guy to assume that I can't afford to pay halves. I wouldn't have gone on the date if I couldn't afford half. So if a guy says anything along the lines of 'no, I insist' then I immediately know that he doesn't really respect me (or perhaps women in general) and get out of there pronto."
Or, and far more likely, he's caving to social pressures he feels after being taught that this is the norm by parents and movies ever since he born.
I've found in my personal life that any woman who sees nothing but malice or ignorance in behaviour like "insisting" to pay, tends to be very one sided in a lot of other views. Preferring to shout down an argument as opposed to accepting a reasoned discussion and having a chance at creating any real change.
I personally would insist to pay, because that's how men are taught to behave like gentlemen. It isn't fair, and it's downright sexist when you think about it, but it's also fair to expect a female to at the very least offer, and very rarely comes from a position of feeling superior over the other person.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
My general go to is 'You get the drinks at the next place' or that it was my suggestion. I would never assume anyone's income, or anything along those lines but this is a discussion where society is split.
Because it is a bit of a grey area topic, it's hard to say or do things where you can't be accused of being a misogynist.
I am far from it, but I do think it's polite to pay for a first date. Everything should be 50/50, but a man needs to do something to make him appear gallant so we just do it.
I genuinely considered this as a topic for a dissertation.
The problem is, that paying for women on dates is born out of a patriarchal society and so *doing* is participating in that society and encouraging it to flourish. It is born from a time when women weren't allowed to work, and therefore men *had* to pay for everything, so by continuing to buy into that kind of behaviour you are buying into the idea that women *can't* or *shouldn't* pay.
You do not need to appear 'gallant'. If by 'gallant' you mean 'chivalrous'. There's simply no need for that kind of sexist behaviour anymore.
If attempting to be a gentleman or being chivalrous is sexist, then I am sexist and proud. I also offer my seat to ladies on the bus or train so nerr.
so do I, as a female, to those of either gender who appear to need the seat more than I do...
Which has nothing to do with the point I was making. I offer to anyone who appears to need the seat nore than I do regardless of gender as well. My point is I don't immediately think a lady needs the seat more. And you can read the other posts to get the rest of my view because I can't be arsed repeating myself.
Wow actually can't believe your giving him stick for being a respectful gentleman! Woman moan they want a man to treat them right and look after them then want equality!!
Iv given my seat up for men, is it the same?
I'm old fashioned and believe it's a respect thing, hold the door open, pull the chair out, hold her bag! Little things like that go a very long way in my eyes "
Are you reading the same post? Where did I give stick? I was just pointing out that manners, respect and taking care of people in need is not an exclusively male to female trait which is what he posted initially. It doesn't make him a gentleman any more than it makes me a lady. It makes him a decent human being. Something I'd much rather be considered |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
My general go to is 'You get the drinks at the next place' or that it was my suggestion. I would never assume anyone's income, or anything along those lines but this is a discussion where society is split.
Because it is a bit of a grey area topic, it's hard to say or do things where you can't be accused of being a misogynist.
I am far from it, but I do think it's polite to pay for a first date. Everything should be 50/50, but a man needs to do something to make him appear gallant so we just do it.
I genuinely considered this as a topic for a dissertation.
The problem is, that paying for women on dates is born out of a patriarchal society and so *doing* is participating in that society and encouraging it to flourish. It is born from a time when women weren't allowed to work, and therefore men *had* to pay for everything, so by continuing to buy into that kind of behaviour you are buying into the idea that women *can't* or *shouldn't* pay.
You do not need to appear 'gallant'. If by 'gallant' you mean 'chivalrous'. There's simply no need for that kind of sexist behaviour anymore.
If attempting to be a gentleman or being chivalrous is sexist, then I am sexist and proud. I also offer my seat to ladies on the bus or train so nerr.
so do I, as a female, to those of either gender who appear to need the seat more than I do...
Which has nothing to do with the point I was making. I offer to anyone who appears to need the seat nore than I do regardless of gender as well. My point is I don't immediately think a lady needs the seat more. And you can read the other posts to get the rest of my view because I can't be arsed repeating myself.
Wow actually can't believe your giving him stick for being a respectful gentleman! Woman moan they want a man to treat them right and look after them then want equality!!
Iv given my seat up for men, is it the same?
I'm old fashioned and believe it's a respect thing, hold the door open, pull the chair out, hold her bag! Little things like that go a very long way in my eyes "
It's just this big bullshit tradition, but it genuinely matters. So many of the women I've met in life, yes feminist types included, have complained that a guy hasn't lived up to certain, gentlemanly stereotypes, but are the first to complain when they get a whiff of chauvinism, even if it's simply what boys are taught growing up as "manners" and gentlemanly behaviour. |
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"
I find it baffling anyone would find it sexist. I find it quite endearing that men still have those sort of manners. Just because it's offered, a woman doesn't have to accept, so no need for the over sensitive to get all irate about it
There's always that awkward moment though where a man offers a seat, a woman declines, and then he insists on standing up anyway almost to make some kind of a weird point about how she *should* be sitting down.
As Virginia Woolf said - it is not so much that SHE shall be inferior as that HE shall be superior.
Or maybe just kind.....
IT's not though, is it? Because if it was 'just kind' then men would offer their seats for men who get on the bus as well as women?
Its just being a gentleman. Nothing more to it. Its like doffing a cap to a lady. Putting your cloak over a puddle for them to walk over. It might be a bit silly and outdated. I would rather keep to this silly tradionalist view than go back to when men used to drag women back to their caves after bashing them over the head.
doffing a cap? Really you actually do this?
No of course not haha. Nor would I put my coat over a puddle. I think you know full well i was using ye olde examples of chivalry lol"
odds bodkins..
my goode fellow you nearly had me.. |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"
I find it baffling anyone would find it sexist. I find it quite endearing that men still have those sort of manners. Just because it's offered, a woman doesn't have to accept, so no need for the over sensitive to get all irate about it
There's always that awkward moment though where a man offers a seat, a woman declines, and then he insists on standing up anyway almost to make some kind of a weird point about how she *should* be sitting down.
As Virginia Woolf said - it is not so much that SHE shall be inferior as that HE shall be superior.
Or maybe just kind.....
IT's not though, is it? Because if it was 'just kind' then men would offer their seats for men who get on the bus as well as women?
Its just being a gentleman. Nothing more to it. Its like doffing a cap to a lady. Putting your cloak over a puddle for them to walk over. It might be a bit silly and outdated. I would rather keep to this silly tradionalist view than go back to when men used to drag women back to their caves after bashing them over the head.
doffing a cap? Really you actually do this?
No of course not haha. Nor would I put my coat over a puddle. I think you know full well i was using ye olde examples of chivalry lol
odds bodkins..
my goode fellow you nearly had me.."
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"Definitely I would pay for the first drink then if they offered to buy second etc then fine.Not really a great opening line when the first words out of the guys mouth is are we going halves.
Thankfully no-one has said that to me yet,I think I would die a little inside to be honest "
Yup. I have male friends who try their best not to pay for anything and I find myself being just as mean in self-protection and it diminishes the whole vibe.
I have other friends where we both fall over ourselves trying to give to the other, and I find that works much better. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Even on socials I'll always try to insist on paying, at least the first time. That way they at least owe you a pizza and a glass of wine
Dates? Same really, once a relationship is established I don't mind going Dutch or "I'll get this one you get the next" guess I'm just a little old fashioned |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe I'm just a bit old fashioned but I like to pay. It's respectful gentlemanly and if I'm going to meet someone I want them to know that they are special and valued by me.
But I understand what some say on here and I would never wish to make anyone feel uncomfortable about sharing costs if they feel so strongly about it.
Maybe it's simply about being aware of the sensibilities of those who we may meet
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It depends on the circumstances.
I've met where I've paid for the room, have also met where the man has paid, also done the 50/50. There's no set rule, it's what works for the people involved, if a guy is happy / insists on paying I'll accept it.
If he can expense the room then I don't expect to contribute towards it, will offer to pay for a round of drinks / food instead.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Usually I let the lady pay on the first date."
I promise, this shit doesn't lead to second dates for a lot of men. If you're getting repeat visits with this attitude, maybe you have something else they're after. |
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"Maybe I'm just a bit old fashioned but I like to pay. It's respectful gentlemanly and if I'm going to meet someone I want them to know that they are special and valued by me.
But I understand what some say on here and I would never wish to make anyone feel uncomfortable about sharing costs if they feel so strongly about it.
Maybe it's simply about being aware of the sensibilities of those who we may meet
"
Well said. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Usually I let the lady pay on the first date.
I promise, this shit doesn't lead to second dates for a lot of men. If you're getting repeat visits with this attitude, maybe you have something else they're after. "
Maybe I do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find the best thing is to let a lady feel as if she is going to be allowed to treat me.. At which point I whip out my groupon, saving her some money and doubling her pleasure. "
You had me at Groupon |
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I have already made my point, and that was I would expect to pay, not just on the first date either. Future dates as well. Its just me, the way I am, or the way I was brought up.
What I find funny though is how me included consider the man paying, opening the door or offering a seat to be old fashioned. Why is that ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always offer to split, if they insist on paying then I will pay the next time. However if I didn’t like them I would make them take my half. "
Pretty much this!  |
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"I have already made my point, and that was I would expect to pay, not just on the first date either. Future dates as well. Its just me, the way I am, or the way I was brought up.
What I find funny though is how me included consider the man paying, opening the door or offering a seat to be old fashioned. Why is that ?"
However your post could be infered to mean , you think it it polite proper and right to always pay for a woman and a man who does not is not polite inproper, and wrong even badly brought up ?
Good manners is holding a door open for anyone
Bad manners is only holding it open for a woman
I'd suggest always paying for only women is belittling and sexist
Xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s been stated by a few that it is sexist behaviour for men to pay for women on dates and for men to hold doors only for women. Just googled the definition of sexism:
‘Definition of sexism - prejudice, stereotyping, or discrimination, typically against women, on the basis of sex’
I personally, as a women do not feel that I am suffering predudice, discrimination or stereotyping if a man pays for me or hold a door for me but does not do that for his fellow men. I’m not being disadvantaged in any way or disrespected. Yes I am being treated differently from a man, but what’s wrong with that?
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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im hopeless at taking so split - takes me a long while with a person to accept unless there is a specific reason for it - like a birthday or i pay next time - |
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"I have already made my point, and that was I would expect to pay, not just on the first date either. Future dates as well. Its just me, the way I am, or the way I was brought up.
What I find funny though is how me included consider the man paying, opening the door or offering a seat to be old fashioned. Why is that ?
However your post could be infered to mean , you think it it polite proper and right to always pay for a woman and a man who does not is not polite inproper, and wrong even badly brought up ?
Good manners is holding a door open for anyone
Bad manners is only holding it open for a woman
I'd suggest always paying for only women is belittling and sexist
Xxx"
If I am on a date with a guy I would be worried, but to answer your point yes if I am out with mates I would certainly buy a beer for them, I have in the past paid for drinks for the whole night if they are skint. Would I do it all the time for a male? No chance so I guess in your view I am a sexist  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have already made my point, and that was I would expect to pay, not just on the first date either. Future dates as well. Its just me, the way I am, or the way I was brought up.
What I find funny though is how me included consider the man paying, opening the door or offering a seat to be old fashioned. Why is that ?
However your post could be infered to mean , you think it it polite proper and right to always pay for a woman and a man who does not is not polite inproper, and wrong even badly brought up ?
Good manners is holding a door open for anyone
Bad manners is only holding it open for a woman
I'd suggest always paying for only women is belittling and sexist
Xxx
If I am on a date with a guy I would be worried, but to answer your point yes if I am out with mates I would certainly buy a beer for them, I have in the past paid for drinks for the whole night if they are skint. Would I do it all the time for a male? No chance so I guess in your view I am a sexist "
If different etiquette between men and women comes under the definition of sexism (which personally I think is a bit of a stretch of the definition), then you probably are sexist, as am I.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always offer to split, if they insist on paying then I will pay the next time. However if I didn’t like them I would make them take my half.
Pretty much this! "
I've long suspected this is pretty much a sign of "thanks but no thanks"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have already made my point, and that was I would expect to pay, not just on the first date either. Future dates as well. Its just me, the way I am, or the way I was brought up.
What I find funny though is how me included consider the man paying, opening the door or offering a seat to be old fashioned. Why is that ?
However your post could be infered to mean , you think it it polite proper and right to always pay for a woman and a man who does not is not polite inproper, and wrong even badly brought up ?
Good manners is holding a door open for anyone
Bad manners is only holding it open for a woman
I'd suggest always paying for only women is belittling and sexist
Xxx"
This isn't wrong, but it's isn't right either.
What really matters in issues like this is someone's justification and intent in the nice action they take for the opposite sex.
Over the years, I've given my seat up to very many people who I felt needed it more. OAP's, pregnant ladies, and the clearly ill or disabled. Whilst some people think this is simply a nice kind gesture, there are some who have some sort of point to prove who end up arguing the toss. "Why do you assume I need a seat, is it because you think you're better than me or something". This attitude is bullshit, because all your doing is applying a subjective reasoning for someone else's actions, because it fits your own narrative.
How about, we only get angry at guys who insist on paying but then have that smug look on their face that says "because I'm so amazing I can afford this and you can't".
Stop applying bullshit nasty motivations to actions that are supposed to simply be a kind gesture, that most people only do because they've been told that this shows respect and manners, and is a standard of social etiquette. |
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"I have already made my point, and that was I would expect to pay, not just on the first date either. Future dates as well. Its just me, the way I am, or the way I was brought up.
What I find funny though is how me included consider the man paying, opening the door or offering a seat to be old fashioned. Why is that ?
However your post could be infered to mean , you think it it polite proper and right to always pay for a woman and a man who does not is not polite inproper, and wrong even badly brought up ?
Good manners is holding a door open for anyone
Bad manners is only holding it open for a woman
I'd suggest always paying for only women is belittling and sexist
Xxx
This isn't wrong, but it's isn't right either.
What really matters in issues like this is someone's justification and intent in the nice action they take for the opposite sex.
Over the years, I've given my seat up to very many people who I felt needed it more. OAP's, pregnant ladies, and the clearly ill or disabled. Whilst some people think this is simply a nice kind gesture, there are some who have some sort of point to prove who end up arguing the toss. "Why do you assume I need a seat, is it because you think you're better than me or something". This attitude is bullshit, because all your doing is applying a subjective reasoning for someone else's actions, because it fits your own narrative.
How about, we only get angry at guys who insist on paying but then have that smug look on their face that says "because I'm so amazing I can afford this and you can't".
Stop applying bullshit nasty motivations to actions that are supposed to simply be a kind gesture, that most people only do because they've been told that this shows respect and manners, and is a standard of social etiquette. "
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By *pice of life 79Man
over a year ago
lincoln, sleaford , grantham , nottingham |
Well I always usually pay but I find women who offer to pay half extremely thoughtful and generous and those that don't offer it leaves me with a view what they would be like in a relationship
I've had many dates where I've paid and we've gone separate ways , nice social but left me with empty pockets but a full ball sack lol |
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By *pice of life 79Man
over a year ago
lincoln, sleaford , grantham , nottingham |
"Dates. Wtf is that
It's when you finally get sick of shagging and want someone to make love to forever!
Sounds boring
Haha, one day you'll wake up and it suddenly won't! "
I'm getting to the stage now where I wouldn't mind making love rather than just shagging
I think we all love NSA fun but that doesn't keep you warm every night does it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dates. Wtf is that
It's when you finally get sick of shagging and want someone to make love to forever!
Sounds boring
Haha, one day you'll wake up and it suddenly won't! "
Wake up words of wisdom there. Thanks |
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"Dates. Wtf is that
It's when you finally get sick of shagging and want someone to make love to forever!
Sounds boring
Haha, one day you'll wake up and it suddenly won't!
I'm getting to the stage now where I wouldn't mind making love rather than just shagging
I think we all love NSA fun but that doesn't keep you warm every night does it "
Exactly, I want 24/7 availability of both sex and cuddles!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Always offer
Usually pay
Often get the first round of coffees
Have turned down magnums of champagne, flights to the Caribbean and countless meals because when I fuck someone it needs to be clear it's because I want to do it, not because I feel obligated.
I was caught out in the summer and someone paid £8 for a lunch. We never played. He threw it back in my face months later. |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
"
My general go to is 'You get the drinks at the next place' or that it was my suggestion. I would never assume anyone's income, or anything along those lines but this is a discussion where society is split.
Because it is a bit of a grey area topic, it's hard to say or do things where you can't be accused of being a misogynist.
I am far from it, but I do think it's polite to pay for a first date. Everything should be 50/50, but a man needs to do something to make him appear gallant so we just do it.
I genuinely considered this as a topic for a dissertation.
The problem is, that paying for women on dates is born out of a patriarchal society and so *doing* is participating in that society and encouraging it to flourish. It is born from a time when women weren't allowed to work, and therefore men *had* to pay for everything, so by continuing to buy into that kind of behaviour you are buying into the idea that women *can't* or *shouldn't* pay.
You do not need to appear 'gallant'. If by 'gallant' you mean 'chivalrous'. There's simply no need for that kind of sexist behaviour anymore."
Just because a guy offers or pays doesnt mean his view of women is that they cant or shouldnt. I dont see this as sexist.
Maybe its just a lovely gesture. |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
"
My general go to is 'You get the drinks at the next place' or that it was my suggestion. I would never assume anyone's income, or anything along those lines but this is a discussion where society is split.
Because it is a bit of a grey area topic, it's hard to say or do things where you can't be accused of being a misogynist.
I am far from it, but I do think it's polite to pay for a first date. Everything should be 50/50, but a man needs to do something to make him appear gallant so we just do it.
I genuinely considered this as a topic for a dissertation.
The problem is, that paying for women on dates is born out of a patriarchal society and so *doing* is participating in that society and encouraging it to flourish. It is born from a time when women weren't allowed to work, and therefore men *had* to pay for everything, so by continuing to buy into that kind of behaviour you are buying into the idea that women *can't* or *shouldn't* pay.
You do not need to appear 'gallant'. If by 'gallant' you mean 'chivalrous'. There's simply no need for that kind of sexist behaviour anymore."
Just because a guy offers or pays doesnt mean his view of women is that they cant or shouldnt. I dont see this as sexist.
Maybe its just a lovely gesture. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well I always usually pay but I find women who offer to pay half extremely thoughtful and generous and those that don't offer it leaves me with a view what they would be like in a relationship
I've had many dates where I've paid and we've gone separate ways , nice social but left me with empty pockets but a full ball sack lol "
Nice to know i was the exception to the rule |
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Maybe unpopular but I like a man to pay on the first one at least. Not because I can’t afford to pay my way but because I want to know what character a man is. It may seem old fashioned but I want to know if he can and will look after me. If a man doesn’t offer then is he mean, tight, stingy, and what else could it be indicative of. It’s so not about the money but about the man. I like a gentleman. Equality doesn’t take that away from a man |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe unpopular but I like a man to pay on the first one at least. Not because I can’t afford to pay my way but because I want to know what character a man is. It may seem old fashioned but I want to know if he can and will look after me. If a man doesn’t offer then is he mean, tight, stingy, and what else could it be indicative of. It’s so not about the money but about the man. I like a gentleman. Equality doesn’t take that away from a man "
I like to be looked after and fed!  |
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"Maybe unpopular but I like a man to pay on the first one at least. Not because I can’t afford to pay my way but because I want to know what character a man is. It may seem old fashioned but I want to know if he can and will look after me. If a man doesn’t offer then is he mean, tight, stingy, and what else could it be indicative of. It’s so not about the money but about the man. I like a gentleman. Equality doesn’t take that away from a man "
Yorkshire through and through.
This is not what you chucked yourself in front of the king's horse for. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe unpopular but I like a man to pay on the first one at least. Not because I can’t afford to pay my way but because I want to know what character a man is. It may seem old fashioned but I want to know if he can and will look after me. If a man doesn’t offer then is he mean, tight, stingy, and what else could it be indicative of. It’s so not about the money but about the man. I like a gentleman. Equality doesn’t take that away from a man
Yorkshire through and through.
This is not what you chucked yourself in front of the king's horse for. "
She's not old enough to have done that  |
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If attempting to be a gentleman or being chivalrous is sexist, then I am sexist and proud. I also offer my seat to ladies on the bus or train so nerr.
Because you believe women to be less capable than men of standing up on public transport?
Tell me... is it their proportionately wider hips that prevent their stability? Or do their breasts simply make them top heavy?
Yeah those are the reasons why I do it! Lmao. I have heard some shite in my time but you win.
Well... there must be a reason that you're giving up your seat. It couldn't just be because you're borrowing from values that said women were physically inferior... surely?"
It's called good manners. If you are so insulted by good manners, you could always refuse the offer of the seat. |
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