FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Am I being unreasonable?
Am I being unreasonable?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I never meet in my own home on first meet, and always insist on somewhere public. Doesn't have to be somewhere incredibly public, just somewhere neutral where it feels safe.
Last couple of guys I've been chatting to have refused this, said I'm being unreasonable, they only want a fuck buddy and need discretion.
My home is my space, I don't want a meet in their car either so surely somewhere mutually neutral is not that unreasonable?
I am just on the verge of giving up here. |
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"I never meet in my own home on first meet, and always insist on somewhere public. Doesn't have to be somewhere incredibly public, just somewhere neutral where it feels safe.
Last couple of guys I've been chatting to have refused this, said I'm being unreasonable, they only want a fuck buddy and need discretion.
My home is my space, I don't want a meet in their car either so surely somewhere mutually neutral is not that unreasonable?
I am just on the verge of giving up here. "
Not unreasonable at all, that's your rules there loss..
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Your profile, your rules - they don't like it it's their problem not yours simple as 
In short the only people being unreasonable here are them for expecting you to adjust your rules to meet them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I never meet in my own home on first meet, and always insist on somewhere public. Doesn't have to be somewhere incredibly public, just somewhere neutral where it feels safe.
Last couple of guys I've been chatting to have refused this, said I'm being unreasonable, they only want a fuck buddy and need discretion.
My home is my space, I don't want a meet in their car either so surely somewhere mutually neutral is not that unreasonable?
I am just on the verge of giving up here. "
its how you want to do it and good on you  x
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By *ancduoCouple
over a year ago
Manchester |
We never accom. It’s our choice. Our rules. What you do is your choice. Your home. Your space. Your rules. If they can’t accept that they are not gonna respect other things. So their loss. Not your problem |
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"I never meet in my own home on first meet, and always insist on somewhere public. Doesn't have to be somewhere incredibly public, just somewhere neutral where it feels safe.
Last couple of guys I've been chatting to have refused this, said I'm being unreasonable, they only want a fuck buddy and need discretion.
My home is my space, I don't want a meet in their car either so surely somewhere mutually neutral is not that unreasonable?
I am just on the verge of giving up here. "
Very reasonable in my eyes. |
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Very reasonable and very sensible. While we would all like to think it’s a great bunch of likeminded people on here, sadly I guess like anywhere you get the odd nutter.
I was on POF last year and attracted a stalker. I can laugh now but at the time, scary enough to involve the police. Be careful everybody and happy swinging |
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"I never meet in my own home on first meet, and always insist on somewhere public. Doesn't have to be somewhere incredibly public, just somewhere neutral where it feels safe.
Last couple of guys I've been chatting to have refused this, said I'm being unreasonable, they only want a fuck buddy and need discretion.
My home is my space, I don't want a meet in their car either so surely somewhere mutually neutral is not that unreasonable?
I am just on the verge of giving up here. "
Don't give up OP, just give up guys who can't see things your way with this.... |
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By *andom2chatMan
over a year ago
A Galaxy Far, Far Away & Spain |
I think you already know the answer OP.
Your Profile. Your criteria. Your Meets. Your life. Your choices.
If they are only looking for a fuck & think you’re being unreasonable tell them the can go fuck
THEMSELVES.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No your not being unreasonable I think too many nutters in this world and includes fab .Got to make sure you are safe .A social in coffee shop or bar is best .Got to trust someone if you are trusting them with your address . Don't want a man that you said sorry not my type turning up at your home after he's had a few pints .
As some men i wouldn't put it passed them .°Trust nobody until proven different . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not at all unreasonable.
You're putting your safety first, if they think that's unreasonable then they're not the sort of person you need to be meeting with x"
Definitely this. The best advice I have ever been given was by my 'swinging virginity taker' ..... if you don't feel comfortable then don't let yourself be bullied into it and I have stuck to that ever since. Stick to your guns OP x |
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Do you really need to ask?
Meet people with the same mindset as yourself. If they don't want to meet on neutral ground move on and forget them.
You don't need to justify to anyone who you invite into your space.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unreasonable? Never. Ever.
Every single message in reply saying the same thing and hitting the nail on the head - they're your rules, you stick to them.
Just another part of your selection process; no matter how you chose to select who you chat with and who you meet, anyone not willing to play by your rules should be an immediate 'goodbye'.
This has to be a world of mutually agreed condition. If you don't have the same agenda then don't take the risk of trying to align yourselves. Square peg, round hole n'all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Seems perfectly reasonable to me nothing wrong with a coffee and chat in Costa or macdonalds.
Not saying my hands might not stray given the right signals though lol |
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Typical Manx attitude. (I worked there for a year) and it felt like everyone knows someone that knows someone.
That doesn't mean you don't have the right to a social meet, you should do whatever makes you feel more comfortable. The more comfortable you feel the better what happens next is likely to be anyway..
Is the cafe at the sound still open? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Not unreasonable at all - many women would feel exactly the same.
Surely the Isle of Man isn't *that* small you can't find a mutually discreet location? "
Exactly this, just feels like an excuse not to meet. |
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By *inaryGuyMan
over a year ago
Near the River |
"Not unreasonable at all - many women would feel exactly the same.
Surely the Isle of Man isn't *that* small you can't find a mutually discreet location?
Exactly this, just feels like an excuse not to meet. "
You're not unreasonable at all. Stick to your guns, let them go f#!k themselves (you have control) and move to London! I'll be more than happy to meet in a neutral and discreet location |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yep. You should provide an open house service for any bloke who wants to empty his balls. It’s only sex after all - completely unreasonable. Besides they don’t want to be seen just a fuck - perfectly reasonable  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Perfectly reasonable. I don’t invite guys around to mine either.
If a guy isn’t prepared to meet somewhere public I would either assume (a) he is married attached or (b) is incapable or can’t be bothered with conversation and therefore only wants to get straight down to conversation. Neither would appeal to me.
The whole discretion thing just doesn’t wash with me. You’re just two ordinary people having a coffee or drink. It’s hardly like you’ve got ‘swingers’ tattooed across your forehead, and even if you bump into someone you know, it’s not difficult to come up with some excuse about being a work colleague or old school friend. |
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"Not unreasonable at all - many women would feel exactly the same.
Surely the Isle of Man isn't *that* small you can't find a mutually discreet location?
Exactly this, just feels like an excuse not to meet. "
Assuming the first meet is social then discretion is irrelevant unless talking to people is banned on the IOM! |
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"I'd take that as a sign that they weren't really single if they wouldn't meet in a public place. "
Completely this
Married or attached and playing away.
Why not in public otherwise?
Any guy worth his salt would know that a woman is at risk anywhere else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You are being totally reasonable. Sounds like these men just want a quickie with no thoughts at all for your wants and needs.
Hold out until you chat to someone who is happy to meet you on your terms.
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I never meet in my own home on first meet, and always insist on somewhere public. Doesn't have to be somewhere incredibly public, just somewhere neutral where it feels safe.
Last couple of guys I've been chatting to have refused this, said I'm being unreasonable, they only want a fuck buddy and need discretion.
My home is my space, I don't want a meet in their car either so surely somewhere mutually neutral is not that unreasonable?
I am just on the verge of giving up here. "
Not unreasonable at all xx |
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If a Woman tried to make me go against how I met on this site I would end the conversation its as simple as that, Its one thing making suggestions but saying you're being unreasonable for not going along with what they want is not on,
I wouldn't have a first meet at my home with someone I've never met before and I wouldn't expect a Woman to meet me at her home either |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I never meet in my own home on first meet, and always insist on somewhere public. Doesn't have to be somewhere incredibly public, just somewhere neutral where it feels safe.
Last couple of guys I've been chatting to have refused this, said I'm being unreasonable, they only want a fuck buddy and need discretion.
My home is my space, I don't want a meet in their car either so surely somewhere mutually neutral is not that unreasonable?
I am just on the verge of giving up here. "
Not unreasonable at all. I’m having the same issue. I just figure they are the guys for me. Don’t lower your standards as you’ll feel bad about it. |
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"I never meet in my own home on first meet, and always insist on somewhere public. Doesn't have to be somewhere incredibly public, just somewhere neutral where it feels safe.
Last couple of guys I've been chatting to have refused this, said I'm being unreasonable, they only want a fuck buddy and need discretion.
My home is my space, I don't want a meet in their car either so surely somewhere mutually neutral is not that unreasonable?
I am just on the verge of giving up here. "
meet socially first make it clear in your profile,if I feel safe enough with a person I would but if I dont I meet socially if they don't like it I just block them,as I kik my home to myself,so you do as you please,car fun what age are they idiots maybe just do what you feel right...they cheap skates so don't give up just yet xx |
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By *wo4FemCouple
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"I never meet in my own home on first meet, and always insist on somewhere public. Doesn't have to be somewhere incredibly public, just somewhere neutral where it feels safe.
Last couple of guys I've been chatting to have refused this, said I'm being unreasonable, they only want a fuck buddy and need discretion.
My home is my space, I don't want a meet in their car either so surely somewhere mutually neutral is not that unreasonable?
I am just on the verge of giving up here. "
We always meet socially in a pub for a drink and a chat first regardless of who we meet.
Mr2 |
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We do what works best for us and the people we meet .
So no social meets , none of all this meet and see how we get on and then arrange a play meet .
But we appreciate it’s different for a single lady , safety etc..... |
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"...they only want a fuck buddy and need discretion. "
So, they are married and playing away, and want you to be their dirty little secret, and you are right to give them the elbow.
You are right, skip them and keep looking, there are decent guys out there. |
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By *ild_oatsMan
over a year ago
the land of saints & sinners |
The men on fab outnumber the women by at least 100 to 1 if not more.
Out of that the decent men are outnumbered by the mad, bad and dangerous to know ones by a similar ratio.
So you effectively have the upper hand.
So...
Your vagina, your rules...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you all so much for your feedback. I'm going to make it clearer on my profile that a social in a public place is non negotiable, if you don't like it, don't message me.
I hate feeling like I'm being a bitch about it, but I want to feel safe.
Thanks all x |
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Safety first safety second.
Also you have to assume that if they must meet at yours or in their car they probably aren't as single as they claim. Hence no meeting in public places in case they get seen.
Your home, your body, your rules. If they don't like it that's their problem. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm very sorry they have been so unreasonable to you.
I instantly know if the guy I'm talking to is very happy and understanding about my safety rules then I'm in good hands.
Any guy who had even the slightest quibble got turned down and blocked.
I think a lot of the experienced guys on here totally respect how you play. |
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"I never meet in my own home on first meet, and always insist on somewhere public. Doesn't have to be somewhere incredibly public, just somewhere neutral where it feels safe.
Last couple of guys I've been chatting to have refused this, said I'm being unreasonable, they only want a fuck buddy and need discretion.
My home is my space, I don't want a meet in their car either so surely somewhere mutually neutral is not that unreasonable?
I am just on the verge of giving up here. "
Erm forget this idiot and block him |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Frankly, someone who is not willing to have a social meet prior to anything sexual isn't worth the conversation you're having.
You do what you are comfortable with and if anyone says otherwise don't even acknowledge them.
It's a more than acceptable response. |
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"I have the exact same sentiments as you OP and if any guy makes you feel you’re being unreasonable then they aren’t worth a second of your time"
It's the ones that start getting all shirty, even nasty, when you don't bow to their demands and give them exactly what they want that are the worst. The ones who try to repair their ego by slagging you off with abuse and personal comments before blocking you and running away. |
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By *j48Man
over a year ago
Wigan |
I'd consider your preference the norm
You're a lady and should be treated as such
There's hundreds of guys on here for you to choose from, don't waste your time and effort on those that don't respect you and your criteria for meeting someone off a website
Those guys need a reality check - block and move on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In the isle of man every body knows each other due to the small population so probably thats why but agree meet somewhere safe for a first visit there are plenty of pubs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not unreasonable at all. I NEVER invite a man to my place, Not ever...
Social meet or meets first, in public and otherwise it's No.
I broke my own rule once and he turned out to be a bit of a nut and i left.
Never again. Using an excuse that it's a small place is pathetic too. Safety first always |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I never meet in my own home on first meet, and always insist on somewhere public. Doesn't have to be somewhere incredibly public, just somewhere neutral where it feels safe.
Last couple of guys I've been chatting to have refused this, said I'm being unreasonable, they only want a fuck buddy and need discretion.
My home is my space, I don't want a meet in their car either so surely somewhere mutually neutral is not that unreasonable?
I am just on the verge of giving up here. "
You’re home is you’re home, if you don’t want to meet there then that’s completely understandable, not like you want stalkers is it...a meet in their car is middle ground but not public in the slightest, and a neutral place like a pub or coffee shop is good for a social, there’s nothing wrong with your train of thought they’re just idiots if they think otherwise |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What's indiscreet about meeting socially for a coffee? I'd imagine it would only be a problem if they were married and couldn't risk being seen having a coffee with a female friend."
Exactly! I meet males friends who are married etc often and they never feel that it's an issue. You're all right, they're probably not single. Hooray for delete and block eh! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Completely reasonable.
Everyone's situation and preference is different, and quite frankly if they want discression and need someone to host they'll have to wait. |
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and I usually end up blocking them if they become insistent!
