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Relationship to relationship
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Just reading another thread about how long people have been single for and made me think.
I have friends who are NEVER single. They bounce from one relationship to another, sometimes overlapping. Are they just settling for anyone to get away from being single? Or do they genuinely connect with all these people so quickly?
I struggle to connect with someone enough to actually want to go on one date never mind give up my single life  but it would be nice, maybe it's me that's odd 
Which do you relate to more - the relationship bouncer or the permanently single? |
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"Just reading another thread about how long people have been single for and made me think.
I have friends who are NEVER single. They bounce from one relationship to another, sometimes overlapping. Are they just settling for anyone to get away from being single? Or do they genuinely connect with all these people so quickly?
I struggle to connect with someone enough to actually want to go on one date never mind give up my single life but it would be nice, maybe it's me that's odd
Which do you relate to more - the relationship bouncer or the permanently single?"
I see people settling around me all the time, meanwhile, I've been single for 30 years. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have friends who are the same.
For me, I’ve had exceptional once in my life and it needs to be that again. I won’t settle "
People who bounce from relationship to relationship not very healthy is it ?? |
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"I have friends who are the same.
For me, I’ve had exceptional once in my life and it needs to be that again. I won’t settle "
Likewise.
I just can't do the 'relationship thing', otherwise.
Besides, it wouldn't be fair on either of us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I made a conscious decision a year or so ago to not get into a relationship whilst I an at university.
I'm studying at a university roughly 230 miles away from my hometown and because I'm not into long distance relationships I'd only want to get into a relationship with someone who I live in the same town as. So far I have not met anyone here who is even close to my hometown, and I don't think there is enough time at uni to get to know someone well enough that I would consider moving closer to them once uni is over-with.
That and I want to focus on my studies and with the amount of work I have it would be unfair to the other person if I asked them out only to spend most of my time studying.
I didn't mean to write a comment this big but I hope it gets my thoughts across  |
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I have a friend who openly admits that being with her twatish other half is better than being alone, ermmm no it isn’t, I wound the be with anyone unless it was for all the right reasons and not just because you can’t face being alone  |
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I had several friends that were 'bouncers'
I'd listen to them gush & swoon about their latest love, then their moans when it's not going well, dry their tears when it ends.
Within a couple of weeks, we'd be back to the swooning.
I tried being tactful, pointing out certain things.
The last time, one friend laughed & said "what would you know about love, you're a dedicated singleton"
I've ended up distancing myself from them these days. The drama isn't good for my singleton soul
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"I like being married and I like my free time too. Not been single in about 9 years but I certainly haven't bounced from one relationship to another. "
See that's what I see the norm as. Relationship - single for a few months - relationship etc.
But I feel that more often than not I see people in the extreme camps. |
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I haven't been properly single since I was about 16. I have friends who have been single most of their adult life.
My long term single friends have significant relationships with either their parents or their children by that I mean that the majority of their social life and relaxation time is spent with them. The difference between me and them that I notice is that they aren't willing to compromise for a relationship in any way. I don't think either of is is wrong , we all have to find the best way to live. |
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Most of my friends refer to me as the group relationship bouncer even though I’ve been single for almost 3 years now.
I’m actually quite comfortable being single at the moment and I currently don’t have to be if I didn’t want to be I’m just a big believer in the old adage that “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else” be that for some casual fun as indo now or because I meet someone I’d want to date quite quickly after becoming single |
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I relate more to singles, I know a few lady friends of mine that are like that as well. Since school days lol I think they just need to be with someone, maybe for validation from peers/family, maybe some just needed attention..? I'm no expert. I just don't think its healthy. You need to know how to stand on your own. |
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"I had several friends that were 'bouncers'
I'd listen to them gush & swoon about their latest love, then their moans when it's not going well, dry their tears when it ends.
Within a couple of weeks, we'd be back to the swooning.
I tried being tactful, pointing out certain things.
The last time, one friend laughed & said "what would you know about love, you're a dedicated singleton"
I've ended up distancing myself from them these days. The drama isn't good for my singleton soul
"
Whilst one of my friends doesn't really heap the drama on me, it does make me roll my eyes to see "this ones a keeper" on some gushy statement on FB every time they are with someone new, I think there's been about 3 this year |
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"I relate more to singles, I know a few lady friends of mine that are like that as well. Since school days lol I think they just need to be with someone, maybe for validation from peers/family, maybe some just needed attention..? I'm no expert. I just don't think its healthy. You need to know how to stand on your own. "
Being in a relationship doesn't mean you can't stand on your own. |
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"I haven't been properly single since I was about 16. I have friends who have been single most of their adult life.
My long term single friends have significant relationships with either their parents or their children by that I mean that the majority of their social life and relaxation time is spent with them. The difference between me and them that I notice is that they aren't willing to compromise for a relationship in any way. I don't think either of is is wrong , we all have to find the best way to live."
the compromise thing I get, that makes sense thanks |
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"I relate more to singles, I know a few lady friends of mine that are like that as well. Since school days lol I think they just need to be with someone, maybe for validation from peers/family, maybe some just needed attention..? I'm no expert. I just don't think its healthy. You need to know how to stand on your own.
Being in a relationship doesn't mean you can't stand on your own. "
Obviously not but when you're always in one then that MIGHT be the case. And it has nothing to do with finances, some people just need emotional support. |
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"I relate more to singles, I know a few lady friends of mine that are like that as well. Since school days lol I think they just need to be with someone, maybe for validation from peers/family, maybe some just needed attention..? I'm no expert. I just don't think its healthy. You need to know how to stand on your own.
Being in a relationship doesn't mean you can't stand on your own.
Obviously not but when you're always in one then that MIGHT be the case. And it has nothing to do with finances, some people just need emotional support. "
I think almost everyone needs emotional support. In my original post I observed that my long term single friends had significant relationships with their parents or children. I notice that they rely on them for emotional support or their friends.
Hermits are rare. We're almost all in supportive relationships of some sort...or wish we were. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've only had one full on serious relationship in my life which ended six years ago - though I've had close intimate relationships with lovers in that time. I'm waiting for the truly exceptional person, I refuse to settle. |
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"I relate more to singles, I know a few lady friends of mine that are like that as well. Since school days lol I think they just need to be with someone, maybe for validation from peers/family, maybe some just needed attention..? I'm no expert. I just don't think its healthy. You need to know how to stand on your own.
Being in a relationship doesn't mean you can't stand on your own.
Obviously not but when you're always in one then that MIGHT be the case. And it has nothing to do with finances, some people just need emotional support.
I think almost everyone needs emotional support. In my original post I observed that my long term single friends had significant relationships with their parents or children. I notice that they rely on them for emotional support or their friends.
Hermits are rare. We're almost all in supportive relationships of some sort...or wish we were. "
You make some good points but I'd still advise anyone to be self ssufficient, instead of needing some one there with you all the time. Just my 2 cents. |
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I don't develop feelings easy- so I only ever had 2 relationships in my life. but they have both been fairly long. I could never be with someone new just to have someone. I am not thinking I might be open to a new one- and that's nearly 2 years after I ended the last one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have friends who are the same.
For me, I’ve had exceptional once in my life and it needs to be that again. I won’t settle
What she said. "
+1.
Problem is I'm 40 next month and I really want kids. I really don't want to be the dad that rocks up to collect his kids from school and everyone thinks I'm the grandad! All my mates other halves don't get why I'm single and it's hard to explain to them that I'm not fussy, I just don't want to settle with someone and go through the motions. |
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"I relate more to singles, I know a few lady friends of mine that are like that as well. Since school days lol I think they just need to be with someone, maybe for validation from peers/family, maybe some just needed attention..? I'm no expert. I just don't think its healthy. You need to know how to stand on your own.
Being in a relationship doesn't mean you can't stand on your own.
Obviously not but when you're always in one then that MIGHT be the case. And it has nothing to do with finances, some people just need emotional support.
I think almost everyone needs emotional support. In my original post I observed that my long term single friends had significant relationships with their parents or children. I notice that they rely on them for emotional support or their friends.
Hermits are rare. We're almost all in supportive relationships of some sort...or wish we were.
You make some good points but I'd still advise anyone to be self ssufficient, instead of needing some one there with you all the time. Just my 2 cents."
And I'd agree with you. It isn't always possible though, I'm thinking of my parents who have been married for almost 65 years I know for sure neither of them will be emotionally self sufficient when the other dies. I think it's more realistic to say that it isn't wise to invest 100% emotionally or socially in one person, always maintain a life as an individual. |
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"I have friends who are the same.
For me, I’ve had exceptional once in my life and it needs to be that again. I won’t settle
What she said.
+1.
Problem is I'm 40 next month and I really want kids. I really don't want to be the dad that rocks up to collect his kids from school and everyone thinks I'm the grandad! All my mates other halves don't get why I'm single and it's hard to explain to them that I'm not fussy, I just don't want to settle with someone and go through the motions."
being single doesn't actually bother me, but if I never have kids that will. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just reading another thread about how long people have been single for and made me think.
I have friends who are NEVER single. They bounce from one relationship to another, sometimes overlapping. Are they just settling for anyone to get away from being single? Or do they genuinely connect with all these people so quickly?
I struggle to connect with someone enough to actually want to go on one date never mind give up my single life but it would be nice, maybe it's me that's odd
Which do you relate to more - the relationship bouncer or the permanently single?"
I’m the same....I have some wonderful ‘friends’ but just don’t meet anyone I think I’d be really happy with. Maybe I’m just a fussy little mare! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have friends who are the same.
For me, I’ve had exceptional once in my life and it needs to be that again. I won’t settle
What she said.
+1.
Problem is I'm 40 next month and I really want kids. I really don't want to be the dad that rocks up to collect his kids from school and everyone thinks I'm the grandad! All my mates other halves don't get why I'm single and it's hard to explain to them that I'm not fussy, I just don't want to settle with someone and go through the motions.
being single doesn't actually bother me, but if I never have kids that will."
Same |
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"Just reading another thread about how long people have been single for and made me think.
I have friends who are NEVER single. They bounce from one relationship to another, sometimes overlapping. Are they just settling for anyone to get away from being single? Or do they genuinely connect with all these people so quickly?
I struggle to connect with someone enough to actually want to go on one date never mind give up my single life but it would be nice, maybe it's me that's odd
Which do you relate to more - the relationship bouncer or the permanently single?
I’m the same....I have some wonderful ‘friends’ but just don’t meet anyone I think I’d be really happy with. Maybe I’m just a fussy little mare! "
Me too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just reading another thread about how long people have been single for and made me think.
I have friends who are NEVER single. They bounce from one relationship to another, sometimes overlapping. Are they just settling for anyone to get away from being single? Or do they genuinely connect with all these people so quickly?
I struggle to connect with someone enough to actually want to go on one date never mind give up my single life but it would be nice, maybe it's me that's odd
Which do you relate to more - the relationship bouncer or the permanently single?"
You’re spot on about types. I’ve no idea if they are settling but some people just cannot be single. I’ve had friends break up relationships and turn to me with ‘I’m just going to enjoy being single for a while’ and all of a sudden you have a new bff who wants all your time... but it’s fine, it lasts until the first night out, when they meet their next boyfriend.
I think I’m permanently single. Indoctrinated. I’d love for that not to be true, but I can’t imagine the alternative. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I suppose I bounce a little. If I’m not in a relationship I have friends with benefits. I don’t like being on my own and admit I do tend to stay with someone longer than I should- it’s not about being alone though it’s about being a fighter and not wanting to give up on someone I love. I often don’t tend to plan to have a relationship with someone but it develops that way even when I only aim for a casual affair |
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"...
You’re spot on about types. I’ve no idea if they are settling but some people just cannot be single. I’ve had friends break up relationships and turn to me with ‘I’m just going to enjoy being single for a while’ and all of a sudden you have a new bff who wants all your time... but it’s fine, it lasts until the first night out, when they meet their next boyfriend. "
YES this! The friend I'm referring to has done just this on more than occasion. She wants to meet up, go for drinks, plans things. I'm happy to do all this but after a week she's met the next one and I'm back to being a hermit at weekends again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...
You’re spot on about types. I’ve no idea if they are settling but some people just cannot be single. I’ve had friends break up relationships and turn to me with ‘I’m just going to enjoy being single for a while’ and all of a sudden you have a new bff who wants all your time... but it’s fine, it lasts until the first night out, when they meet their next boyfriend.
YES this! The friend I'm referring to has done just this on more than occasion. She wants to meet up, go for drinks, plans things. I'm happy to do all this but after a week she's met the next one and I'm back to being a hermit at weekends again "
I look forward to my hermit weekends when I get them, like tonight drinking my giant daiquiri on my own and watching Wonder Woman lol! |
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By *ransGuyTV/TS
over a year ago
Cardiff |
Permanently single here.
I'm a introvert and very independent. I have no need to be with someone and I have very few friends as I am now very selective after too many taking advantage of my kindness and using me. It's not like I go out of my way to push people away but I don't need to be around people or need a partner to "complete me". I got fed up with being burnt out by others and then having to pull myself back together on my own with them bitching about me never being there when it was them that gave up on me when I could no longer do things for them.
I learnt the hard way that I'm better off on my own, and now I never get lonely, just occasionally horny!
Now, if someone did come along that ticked all the boxes then great but I won't waste my life searching for them. |
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