FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Why are men, in general....
Why are men, in general....
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?"
It's a great filter is it not. No dialogue means why would they care about you let alone be sexually compatible. Many people still do not understand that the brain is the biggest sex organ. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Disagree,
It's not all men. It's probably the type of men you're talking you.
I believe with some men on here, they don't like all the chit chat they just too damn eager to get the job done.
Whereas me on the other hand, I love the social side!! The conversation, the banter, and all the other things to it before it gets to the stage. Or sometimes could be the fact some men are genuinely shy!!   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe you just haven't found someone that is interested by you?  
I pride myself on my conversational skills, if there's a lot of to-and-fro it means we have chemistry and things go well. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
It's a great filter is it not. No dialogue means why would they care about you let alone be sexually compatible. Many people still do not understand that the brain is the biggest sex organ. "
Indeed it is, and I mention this in my profile.
The next time I'm on a social meet where the man has done all the talking, I'm going to play a game suggested by a friend....tell him three things about him, and then ask him to tell me three things about me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Maybe you just haven't found someone that is interested by you?
I pride myself on my conversational skills, if there's a lot of to-and-fro it means we have chemistry and things go well. "
That's obviously it...I'm the most boring person in the world...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Disagree,
It's not all men. It's probably the type of men you're talking you.
I believe with some men on here, they don't like all the chit chat they just too damn eager to get the job done.
Whereas me on the other hand, I love the social side!! The conversation, the banter, and all the other things to it before it gets to the stage. Or sometimes could be the fact some men are genuinely shy!! "
She did say in "general". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The art of good conversation isn’t taught. I find this not only in social situations but in work situations even more so. Conversations that really invite mutuality are rare. I have much better conversations with women than men. There are some notable exceptions on here but on the whole I think men are often too competitive in the way they interact to enable good conversation. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Disagree,
It's not all men. It's probably the type of men you're talking you.
I believe with some men on here, they don't like all the chit chat they just too damn eager to get the job done.
Whereas me on the other hand, I love the social side!! The conversation, the banter, and all the other things to it before it gets to the stage. Or sometimes could be the fact some men are genuinely shy!! "
I know this might be a controversial comment, but I believe shyness in adults is an affectation. We could all be shy. It takes a little effort on everyone's part to make society work. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?"
I blame the parents. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Disagree,
It's not all men. It's probably the type of men you're talking you.
I believe with some men on here, they don't like all the chit chat they just too damn eager to get the job done.
Whereas me on the other hand, I love the social side!! The conversation, the banter, and all the other things to it before it gets to the stage. Or sometimes could be the fact some men are genuinely shy!!
She did say in "general". "
I realise that still just putting the put across xx  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The art of good conversation isn’t taught. I find this not only in social situations but in work situations even more so. Conversations that really invite mutuality are rare. I have much better conversations with women than men. There are some notable exceptions on here but on the whole I think men are often too competitive in the way they interact to enable good conversation."
Good point. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I actually do hear that observation quite regularly from my friends.
Maybe it's simply down to the intention of being on here.
It's an assumption but I'd say a majority of men are after a shag with as little input as possible...plenty more etc.
And for those who do put a bit of effort in,will become withdrawn once the goal has been scored.
regards.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Disagree,
It's not all men. It's probably the type of men you're talking you.
I believe with some men on here, they don't like all the chit chat they just too damn eager to get the job done.
Whereas me on the other hand, I love the social side!! The conversation, the banter, and all the other things to it before it gets to the stage. Or sometimes could be the fact some men are genuinely shy!!
I know this might be a controversial comment, but I believe shyness in adults is an affectation. We could all be shy. It takes a little effort on everyone's part to make society work."
It is a bit, shyness can be seen as affection however can also be seem as a person lacking in confidence. |
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If you've got a body like mine, you need some sparkling conversation. That's not just talking (fair point about a few grunts or one word answers) but also listening too.
Some women aren't comfortable opening up either, which can make conversation tricky. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been very lucky, all my meets on here have been very chatty and outgoing and quite happy go lucky.
Blessing really as i'm very shy, socially awkward and an introvert. And that is not put on. But i do try to be social, but it is very hard and not easy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe you just haven't found someone that is interested by you?
I pride myself on my conversational skills, if there's a lot of to-and-fro it means we have chemistry and things go well. "
You pride yourself in your conversation skills by telling this lady she's not interesting. That's lovely. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I actually do hear that observation quite regularly from my friends.
Maybe it's simply down to the intention of being on here.
It's an assumption but I'd say a majority of men are after a shag with as little input as possible...plenty more etc.
And for those who do put a bit of effort in,will become withdrawn once the goal has been scored.
regards.
"
I was told I invest too much for swinging. I'm very social, and can be easily put myself in friend zones. It's a minefield trying to figure how much you should message, what is proper to talk about after you've met.
Do we just set another date? Or do we check in everyday? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't think it's all men in general. Some guys are just in that one mindset of quick chat, arrange and then meet then onto the next due to the nature of the site. Myself and I'm sure others prefer the social side just as much as yourself OP. The getting to know the person, the banter the laughs before the chance of a meet. If you can't ingage the mind mentally how do you think the body will react physically (much better with that connection). I've had some strange messages of some ladies only one liners etc, and found that just as frustrating when trying to strike a conversation. Yes we're all here for the same thing but surely there has to be that connection and social side also. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I actually do hear that observation quite regularly from my friends.
Maybe it's simply down to the intention of being on here.
It's an assumption but I'd say a majority of men are after a shag with as little input as possible...plenty more etc.
And for those who do put a bit of effort in,will become withdrawn once the goal has been scored.
regards.
"
Yes, very true. And as already mentioned above, a good filter. I suppose it's all about connection, which I need before I become more intimate with someone, whereas for others, it doesn't matter. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?"
I actually find that quite offensive haha! I can't speak for the rest of my gender, but I'm very proud of my use of the queens, my ability to engage via conversation, and make people laugh.
Obviously speaking to the wrong people  |
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
It's a great filter is it not. No dialogue means why would they care about you let alone be sexually compatible. Many people still do not understand that the brain is the biggest sex organ.
Indeed it is, and I mention this in my profile.
The next time I'm on a social meet where the man has done all the talking, I'm going to play a game suggested by a friend....tell him three things about him, and then ask him to tell me three things about me."
He won't remember ! To busy staring at your boobage |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
I actually find that quite offensive haha! I can't speak for the rest of my gender, but I'm very proud of my use of the queens, my ability to engage via conversation, and make people laugh.
Obviously speaking to the wrong people "
Was not meaning to be offensive, I did say in general, there are of course notable exceptions |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
It's a great filter is it not. No dialogue means why would they care about you let alone be sexually compatible. Many people still do not understand that the brain is the biggest sex organ.
Indeed it is, and I mention this in my profile.
The next time I'm on a social meet where the man has done all the talking, I'm going to play a game suggested by a friend....tell him three things about him, and then ask him to tell me three things about me.
He won't remember ! To busy staring at your boobage"
 Good point(s)! |
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I'm always chatty, I've led quite an interesting life so far so I've got plenty to talk about, and in person I'm pretty good at filling the gaps in any awkward silences. I'm not a gobshite that's full of himself either though! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
I actually find that quite offensive haha! I can't speak for the rest of my gender, but I'm very proud of my use of the queens, my ability to engage via conversation, and make people laugh.
Obviously speaking to the wrong people
Was not meaning to be offensive, I did say in general, there are of course notable exceptions"
In that case I'm going to assume I'm notable and continue to have a good day and apologise for all men, past present and future |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it's more to do with the general dynamic on here.
I think some men are afraid to say much in case they blot their copybook. Say the wrong thing and the minuscule chance they had of a meet becomes even rarer.
I think some men get worn down by it all and think after 200+ 'no's' you might as well just say, nice tits, fancy a shag?
For balance, some messages from women we get are nothing short of moronic and barely readable.
Here's another thing. Both of us are well educated, intelligent and in real life, very personable. One of us though, is crap at messages. 'I don't know what to say', or will spend an hour trying to work out the best reply to something that just needs a witty reply quickly. If I was on the end of those messages I wouldn't want to meet her either, and I love her to bits! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I fund it the complete opposite on this site . I can't get any conversation out of you women. In real life I definitely talk to much . Generally a load of bollocks but still. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?"
Get out of Norwich a bit, I pretty much gave up looking locally. If I need to remind myself why I only need to look at my local updates.
It's not a case of the grass is greener either, when I travel around the country and have a look at What's going on locally it's like a different world. |
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Conversation isnt poor just amongst men, its right across the board. It can be annoying when you are chatting and getting only one words answers.... I have stopped chatting when it happens, no point trying to get blood out of a stone |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
I actually find that quite offensive haha! I can't speak for the rest of my gender, but I'm very proud of my use of the queens, my ability to engage via conversation, and make people laugh.
Obviously speaking to the wrong people "
I know plenty of men who. Can make people laugh but they aren’t necessarily good conversationalists. Often they like to attract attention and tell stories and hold court. When it comes to listening to others they are not so good and interrupt, often in an attempt to bring the focus of attention back to them.
I know I’ve been guilty of it myself.
Good conversation requires awareness of self and others and a willingness to seek to understand and be influenced, as well as to be understood and to influence.
What do you think? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a stupid question because women are the same.
I get nothing more than "hello" after writing a fucking paragraph which women these days seem to demand.
It depends on how attractive you are, if you're very attractive then they'll put more effort in, if they don't then sorry...... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm always chatty, I've led quite an interesting life so far so I've got plenty to talk about, and in person I'm pretty good at filling the gaps in any awkward silences. I'm not a gobshite that's full of himself either though!"
See it’s not always about filling the gaps. Silences aren’t necessarily awkward for the other person, it is often our discomfort with silence that makes it awkward. Maybe they are natural pauses in the flow of a conversation where something beautiful can happen if you give each other space? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
I actually find that quite offensive haha! I can't speak for the rest of my gender, but I'm very proud of my use of the queens, my ability to engage via conversation, and make people laugh.
Obviously speaking to the wrong people
I know plenty of men who. Can make people laugh but they aren’t necessarily good conversationalists. Often they like to attract attention and tell stories and hold court. When it comes to listening to others they are not so good and interrupt, often in an attempt to bring the focus of attention back to them.
I know I’ve been guilty of it myself.
Good conversation requires awareness of self and others and a willingness to seek to understand and be influenced, as well as to be understood and to influence.
What do you think?"
I think you're spot on! It's called active listening where you are actually listening to what the person is saying without throwing your own two pennies worth in all the time. It's very rare coming across that much engagement. I've experienced it on less than one hand. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
I actually find that quite offensive haha! I can't speak for the rest of my gender, but I'm very proud of my use of the queens, my ability to engage via conversation, and make people laugh.
Obviously speaking to the wrong people
I know plenty of men who. Can make people laugh but they aren’t necessarily good conversationalists. Often they like to attract attention and tell stories and hold court. When it comes to listening to others they are not so good and interrupt, often in an attempt to bring the focus of attention back to them.
I know I’ve been guilty of it myself.
Good conversation requires awareness of self and others and a willingness to seek to understand and be influenced, as well as to be understood and to influence.
What do you think?"
I think that's the most elequonte repost I've ever heard, and actually whole heartedly agree. I've been very guilty of everything you say a few times,think everyone has
Personally I like to think I'm a good listener, if for no better reason than it gives me something to talk about after  . But that's the art of conversation right? It is essentially give and take. Or am I over simplifying? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm always chatty, I've led quite an interesting life so far so I've got plenty to talk about, and in person I'm pretty good at filling the gaps in any awkward silences. I'm not a gobshite that's full of himself either though!
See it’s not always about filling the gaps. Silences aren’t necessarily awkward for the other person, it is often our discomfort with silence that makes it awkward. Maybe they are natural pauses in the flow of a conversation where something beautiful can happen if you give each other space?"
Beautifully said. In those silent moments one could communicate with one's eyes...ones energy. |
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?"
Their not, we'll no different to women anyway.
You've only met a tiny tiny percentage.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a stupid question because women are the same.
I get nothing more than "hello" after writing a fucking paragraph which women these days seem to demand.
It depends on how attractive you are, if you're very attractive then they'll put more effort in, if they don't then sorry......"
Rather than focusing just on your experience here, think about the depth of conversations you have generally . Fab is a peculiar environment because of the sexual context. Think about how often you have a really good mutual conversation with other people. How often is it with a man or group of men and how often is it with a woman or women? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?"
Another generalisation!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a stupid question because women are the same.
I get nothing more than "hello" after writing a fucking paragraph which women these days seem to demand.
It depends on how attractive you are, if you're very attractive then they'll put more effort in, if they don't then sorry......"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The problem as I see it on Fab, gents (may) be spread betting and chatting to several ladies. Keeping track of every conversation whilst trying to avoid the dreaded friendzone is hard.
Also, with current communications, people got into the habit of restricting sentences to sms / tweet friendly soundbites.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
I actually find that quite offensive haha! I can't speak for the rest of my gender, but I'm very proud of my use of the queens, my ability to engage via conversation, and make people laugh.
Obviously speaking to the wrong people
I know plenty of men who. Can make people laugh but they aren’t necessarily good conversationalists. Often they like to attract attention and tell stories and hold court. When it comes to listening to others they are not so good and interrupt, often in an attempt to bring the focus of attention back to them.
I know I’ve been guilty of it myself.
Good conversation requires awareness of self and others and a willingness to seek to understand and be influenced, as well as to be understood and to influence.
What do you think?
I think that's the most elequonte repost I've ever heard, and actually whole heartedly agree. I've been very guilty of everything you say a few times,think everyone has
Personally I like to think I'm a good listener, if for no better reason than it gives me something to talk about after . But that's the art of conversation right? It is essentially give and take. Or am I over simplifying? "
Love your reply and the vulnerability you show in admitting that you too find it difficult at times. However I agree good conversation is give and take. You know you’re in a good conversation because meaning to and fro between everyone innvolved. Silences are moments to open ourselves up to each other, an invitation to go deeper.
Great conversation is sorely needed in our society and we need to find many more ways to have them.... |
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"Disagree,
It's not all men. It's probably the type of men you're talking you.
I believe with some men on here, they don't like all the chit chat they just too damn eager to get the job done.
Whereas me on the other hand, I love the social side!! The conversation, the banter, and all the other things to it before it gets to the stage. Or sometimes could be the fact some men are genuinely shy!! "
Totaly agree!
I've had the typical 'wham bam' messages, they get ignored & deleted but I've had far more intelligent well composed messages, which although there was no attraction to the sender on my part, has led onto regular chats & built some great friendships.
There are some great guys on here, that are happy to be just social friends, nothing more expected. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
Another generalisation!!"
It may have been a generalisation (often our thoughts become generalised when we advocate an opinion based on our experience) but La Passionista invited an inquiry into her perspective. Something which you two word answer didn’t. The inquiry has enabled an interesting thread to follow rather than the retort which I can only make assumptions about because it has no explanation of why you are saying it or what your perspective is, not an invite to share alternative views.
I maybe wrong and you could share how your response is a good example of good conversation? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
I actually find that quite offensive haha! I can't speak for the rest of my gender, but I'm very proud of my use of the queens, my ability to engage via conversation, and make people laugh.
Obviously speaking to the wrong people
I know plenty of men who. Can make people laugh but they aren’t necessarily good conversationalists. Often they like to attract attention and tell stories and hold court. When it comes to listening to others they are not so good and interrupt, often in an attempt to bring the focus of attention back to them.
I know I’ve been guilty of it myself.
Good conversation requires awareness of self and others and a willingness to seek to understand and be influenced, as well as to be understood and to influence.
What do you think?
I think that's the most elequonte repost I've ever heard, and actually whole heartedly agree. I've been very guilty of everything you say a few times,think everyone has
Personally I like to think I'm a good listener, if for no better reason than it gives me something to talk about after . But that's the art of conversation right? It is essentially give and take. Or am I over simplifying?
Love your reply and the vulnerability you show in admitting that you too find it difficult at times. However I agree good conversation is give and take. You know you’re in a good conversation because meaning to and fro between everyone innvolved. Silences are moments to open ourselves up to each other, an invitation to go deeper.
Great conversation is sorely needed in our society and we need to find many more ways to have them...."
I really couldn't agree more. Genuinely feel if people talked more it would solve a lot of social issues. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I was raised to respect and understand your fellow human being. Wishful thinking these days I guess |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
I actually find that quite offensive haha! I can't speak for the rest of my gender, but I'm very proud of my use of the queens, my ability to engage via conversation, and make people laugh.
Obviously speaking to the wrong people
I know plenty of men who. Can make people laugh but they aren’t necessarily good conversationalists. Often they like to attract attention and tell stories and hold court. When it comes to listening to others they are not so good and interrupt, often in an attempt to bring the focus of attention back to them.
I know I’ve been guilty of it myself.
Good conversation requires awareness of self and others and a willingness to seek to understand and be influenced, as well as to be understood and to influence.
What do you think?
I think that's the most elequonte repost I've ever heard, and actually whole heartedly agree. I've been very guilty of everything you say a few times,think everyone has
Personally I like to think I'm a good listener, if for no better reason than it gives me something to talk about after . But that's the art of conversation right? It is essentially give and take. Or am I over simplifying?
Love your reply and the vulnerability you show in admitting that you too find it difficult at times. However I agree good conversation is give and take. You know you’re in a good conversation because meaning to and fro between everyone innvolved. Silences are moments to open ourselves up to each other, an invitation to go deeper.
Great conversation is sorely needed in our society and we need to find many more ways to have them....
I really couldn't agree more. Genuinely feel if people talked more it would solve a lot of social issues. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I was raised to respect and understand your fellow human being. Wishful thinking these days I guess "
We can but do our bit and have good conversations about the things that matter. I posit that good changes in the world have been built on the actions formed in good conversations, founded in increasing mutuality and being open to each other’s perspectives. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
Another generalisation!!
It may have been a generalisation (often our thoughts become generalised when we advocate an opinion based on our experience) but La Passionista invited an inquiry into her perspective. Something which you two word answer didn’t. The inquiry has enabled an interesting thread to follow rather than the retort which I can only make assumptions about because it has no explanation of why you are saying it or what your perspective is, not an invite to share alternative views.
I maybe wrong and you could share how your response is a good example of good conversation?"
Hear here! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
I actually find that quite offensive haha! I can't speak for the rest of my gender, but I'm very proud of my use of the queens, my ability to engage via conversation, and make people laugh.
Obviously speaking to the wrong people
I know plenty of men who. Can make people laugh but they aren’t necessarily good conversationalists. Often they like to attract attention and tell stories and hold court. When it comes to listening to others they are not so good and interrupt, often in an attempt to bring the focus of attention back to them.
I know I’ve been guilty of it myself.
Good conversation requires awareness of self and others and a willingness to seek to understand and be influenced, as well as to be understood and to influence.
What do you think?
I think that's the most elequonte repost I've ever heard, and actually whole heartedly agree. I've been very guilty of everything you say a few times,think everyone has
Personally I like to think I'm a good listener, if for no better reason than it gives me something to talk about after . But that's the art of conversation right? It is essentially give and take. Or am I over simplifying?
Love your reply and the vulnerability you show in admitting that you too find it difficult at times. However I agree good conversation is give and take. You know you’re in a good conversation because meaning to and fro between everyone innvolved. Silences are moments to open ourselves up to each other, an invitation to go deeper.
Great conversation is sorely needed in our society and we need to find many more ways to have them....
I really couldn't agree more. Genuinely feel if people talked more it would solve a lot of social issues. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I was raised to respect and understand your fellow human being. Wishful thinking these days I guess "
I really feel that social media and technology has not enhanced the art of conversing. It's actually made people more insular. People are shying away from talking because they can't deal with true human emotions. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?"
That’s odd, I’ve stopped talking to numerous women because they have the conversational skill of a wet turnip |
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?"
I have similar experiences with females and couples in here, but when I encounter a ‘brick wall’ like this, I just move on to others more open to conversation |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?"
Bit of a generalisation, some men are articulate witty engaging and urbane.
Maybe not the ones on a casual sex hook up site but else where .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?"
Perhaps they just not interested in you. |
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"The problem as I see it on Fab, gents (may) be spread betting and chatting to several ladies. Keeping track of every conversation whilst trying to avoid the dreaded friendzone is hard.
Also, with current communications, people got into the habit of restricting sentences to sms / tweet friendly soundbites.
"
The ‘dreaded friendzone’ is interesting; I’ve noticed a growing swell of the Fab ‘SS’; Serial Socialisers, friendly, chatty people who have no intention of meeting
Your point about sms-style communications is quite pertinent too |
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?"
Uh? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
I actually find that quite offensive haha! I can't speak for the rest of my gender, but I'm very proud of my use of the queens, my ability to engage via conversation, and make people laugh.
Obviously speaking to the wrong people
I know plenty of men who. Can make people laugh but they aren’t necessarily good conversationalists. Often they like to attract attention and tell stories and hold court. When it comes to listening to others they are not so good and interrupt, often in an attempt to bring the focus of attention back to them.
I know I’ve been guilty of it myself.
Good conversation requires awareness of self and others and a willingness to seek to understand and be influenced, as well as to be understood and to influence.
What do you think?
I think that's the most elequonte repost I've ever heard, and actually whole heartedly agree. I've been very guilty of everything you say a few times,think everyone has
Personally I like to think I'm a good listener, if for no better reason than it gives me something to talk about after . But that's the art of conversation right? It is essentially give and take. Or am I over simplifying?
Love your reply and the vulnerability you show in admitting that you too find it difficult at times. However I agree good conversation is give and take. You know you’re in a good conversation because meaning to and fro between everyone innvolved. Silences are moments to open ourselves up to each other, an invitation to go deeper.
Great conversation is sorely needed in our society and we need to find many more ways to have them....
I really couldn't agree more. Genuinely feel if people talked more it would solve a lot of social issues. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I was raised to respect and understand your fellow human being. Wishful thinking these days I guess
I really feel that social media and technology has not enhanced the art of conversing. It's actually made people more insular. People are shying away from talking because they can't deal with true human emotions. "
I agree social media and the way it is commonly used may be hindering good conversation and yet here we are on a social media site having a good conversation. Sharing thoughts and feelings about that very subject.
Maybe we need to adapt ourselves to enable our conversations through social media to become more intimate, more effective, because the opportunities it provides are huge. However I am still of the view that fully embodied, heartfelt communication can only truly be done face to face. That said I’ve had some deeply intimate conversations on social media too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wouldn't say it was a male thing. In general I find it easier to converse with men than women.
If I think of the most difficult people I've had to deal with they've all been women. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't say it was a male thing. In general I find it easier to converse with men than women.
If I think of the most difficult people I've had to deal with they've all been women. "
You cant say that on a male bashing thread. Please delete |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I enjoy chatting too people but some I will never meet .I think it's down with how the feel and how the conversation goes .Some men can be quite rude and I think was that message for me as a bit random .
But most of the time I have met a few good men off here by good communication skills and other skills we shared  |
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
I actually find that quite offensive haha! I can't speak for the rest of my gender, but I'm very proud of my use of the queens, my ability to engage via conversation, and make people laugh.
Obviously speaking to the wrong people
I know plenty of men who. Can make people laugh but they aren’t necessarily good conversationalists. Often they like to attract attention and tell stories and hold court. When it comes to listening to others they are not so good and interrupt, often in an attempt to bring the focus of attention back to them.
I know I’ve been guilty of it myself.
Good conversation requires awareness of self and others and a willingness to seek to understand and be influenced, as well as to be understood and to influence.
What do you think?"
Yes, 'holding court' is the phrase I use, they will make do with any appreciative audience, though most of them would prefer someone more engaging! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?"
Nowt like a generalisation to start the day. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't say it was a male thing. In general I find it easier to converse with men than women.
If I think of the most difficult people I've had to deal with they've all been women.
You cant say that on a male bashing thread. Please delete "
I get into trouble all the time for siding with my friends boyfriends in arguments  |
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The art of conversation isn t just about keeping a conversation flowing. There's many aspects. Including delicately letting someone know you're not interested and politely closing the conversation down. This could be coming across as being poor at conversation. I very much doubt its men in general. We get it all the time from women. We just presume they're not that into us and move on. |
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
Bit of a generalisation, some men are articulate witty engaging and urbane.
Maybe not the ones on a casual sex hook up site but else where.
"
Point! |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Maybe you just haven't found someone that is interested by you?
I pride myself on my conversational skills, if there's a lot of to-and-fro it means we have chemistry and things go well.
That's obviously it...I'm the most boring person in the world... "
He didn't say that, he said he may not have been interested in you |
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?"
I don't think men in general *are* necessarily poor conversationalists but I do think, on here, you can get a skewed impression of their conversational skills. Of course there are always those you simply don't click with, and those who think grunting at you in a monosyllabic childish fashion is all they need to do ... I'm not even thinking of those types when I consider conversation, after all why would you want to pursue them?
However, what I've experienced quite a few times, disappointingly so, is receiving a very well written first message where they make reference to my profile and/or an aspect of my personality they've noticed through the forums, where they ask a couple of questions - thus showing they're open to conversation (you'd think) and therefore seeming potentially interesting and worth engaging with. Having my brain stimulated is the sure fire way of getting my body turned on too ...
.... however, after such a promising start, I then reply in a similar fashion, throwing in observations and questions of my own - only to get a much shorter response which reads as though it could have been written by a completely different person! My questions are ignored, there's no natural 'flow' on from my message and all they want to know is have I got Kik, do I cam and/or can we meet next week
I'm damned sure - from their initial message - that they can string more than two words together in an amusing, intelligent, and thought provoking way but having 'broken the ice' and got my attention they can't bloody well be arsed to make any further effort. It's a wholly unappealing mix of laziness and entitlement and it really bugs me because it's happened a lot. It's not a natural thing of conversation and potential attraction fizzling out as it does the more you get to know someone and find they're not for you because they still want to see me, but a reluctance to invest anything other than the bare minimum into the process. I used to try chivvying the conversation along based on my initial promising impression but it's such a waste of time trying to get blood out of a stone when this happens. And it doesn't make you feel good 
On a more positive note there *are* some very good male conversationalists on Fab who I've been lucky enough to enjoy a correspondence with but in my experience they're definitely in the minority. Of course, if Fab's working for you without lots of chatting then great, it's not obligatory. Just gets my goat when people seemingly capable of much more grab your attention under false pretences though ultimately that approach does them no favours. |
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?"
If I click with someone I can talk for england, if I don't feel comfortable with someone you will get 1 word answers out of me. |
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?"
It's not gender specific!
Some *people* are poor communicators/shy/not into us as we think etc. |
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
It's a great filter is it not. No dialogue means why would they care about you let alone be sexually compatible. Many people still do not understand that the brain is the biggest sex organ.
Indeed it is, and I mention this in my profile.
The next time I'm on a social meet where the man has done all the talking, I'm going to play a game suggested by a friend....tell him three things about him, and then ask him to tell me three things about me."
Why play games at all? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Why play games at all?"
Exactly, a very good friend of mine who I started out dating revealed that she used this shit on me... A series of leading questions that she used with everyone (and I passed with flying colours).
Just be yourself.
The key to good conversation is listening. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
It's not gender specific!
Some *people* are poor communicators/shy/not into us as we think etc. "
Exactly this - whilst I can appreciate everything the OP and others have said and also know I'm not always the best in the world when it comes to communication, I do think it works both ways on here and think it actually just comes down to whether you "click" with someone.
There have been times where it almost seems an effort to carry a conversation on as every response you get is a closed statement - but yet a similar conversation with a different person just flows naturally and progresses from one message to the next.
And as a bi male I can honestly say I've experienced both of the above scenarios with both genders.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Could be a number of reasons. Lazy. Have zero people skills. Lead boring lives. Just plain rude. Depression. Unhappy. "
I have depression, I'm unhappy but I love to chat,
I think it generally comes down to been limited in interests so not much to say, so it turns to sex talk quick,
On here we qive quys a three message rule, that third message is usually the "I need to get my tongue on your pussy" message so we don't chat further |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Men seem to be good at speaking up (well typing) if they have enough butt hurt over a thread.
Keep fueling the gender war
"
People will tire of your movement's ill manners soon enough |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It is great when you come across someone that grunts more than a couple of word's at you,especially on a dating site for me."
I have been known to grunt into double figures. I can make idle conversation with the most unlikely of people, but struggle not to slip into verbal diarrhoea around a lady I am attracted to. Also whilst other people find my life interesting I find it mundane so I'm more of a listener. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find talking to other men much easier than talking to women, it's harder work talking to women.... In general obviously "
God no, I'd much rather speak to a smart woman, I enjoy their perspective on things. Talking to men is basically sport, beer, women they have shagged/want to shag/shouldn't have shagged, more sport and miscellaneous bollocks. |
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Sorry but I completely disagree there are a lot of men on Fab that have good social skills. I message several without intention to meet and I have since I joined Fab. I’m a Chatty Cathy and I love ppl. There are some who aren’t sociable but that also applies to some of the females too. I message both males and females from the forum and I enjoy our messaging. I could name quite a few but we all now how that will end. It’s easy to see from posts who can have a conversation so maybe look more closely at posts when looking for a meet? That wasn’t intended as a criticism, I was hopefully being constructive. I can give a few examples if needed |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find talking to other men much easier than talking to women, it's harder work talking to women.... In general obviously
Was I hard work when we used to message?"
.
I'm generalising to the point of being factitious about generalising .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?"
Maybe because women talk utter shit.
And use things like 'lol' 'lmao' ect as if you are actually laughing out loud.
|
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"I find talking to other men much easier than talking to women, it's harder work talking to women.... In general obviously
Was I hard work when we used to message?.
I'm generalising to the point of being factitious about generalising .
"
Mission accomplished |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It's a stupid question because women are the same.
I get nothing more than "hello" after writing a fucking paragraph which women these days seem to demand.
It depends on how attractive you are, if you're very attractive then they'll put more effort in, if they don't then sorry......"
There's my answer then, clearly I'm not very attractive |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
I actually find that quite offensive haha! I can't speak for the rest of my gender, but I'm very proud of my use of the queens, my ability to engage via conversation, and make people laugh.
Obviously speaking to the wrong people
I know plenty of men who. Can make people laugh but they aren’t necessarily good conversationalists. Often they like to attract attention and tell stories and hold court. When it comes to listening to others they are not so good and interrupt, often in an attempt to bring the focus of attention back to them.
I know I’ve been guilty of it myself.
Good conversation requires awareness of self and others and a willingness to seek to understand and be influenced, as well as to be understood and to influence.
What do you think?"
Pretty much spot on. Lots of men "on the pull" think they just have to offload a barrage of jokes and "laugh" you into bed. Might work for some but not me, I need more intellectual stimulation and wit more than humour does it for me. Listening and influencing certainly come into a good conversation too. |
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"It's a stupid question because women are the same.
I get nothing more than "hello" after writing a fucking paragraph which women these days seem to demand.
It depends on how attractive you are, if you're very attractive then they'll put more effort in, if they don't then sorry......"
More generalising, not all men on this site only message if there is a chance of a meet |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"It's a stupid question because women are the same.
I get nothing more than "hello" after writing a fucking paragraph which women these days seem to demand.
It depends on how attractive you are, if you're very attractive then they'll put more effort in, if they don't then sorry......
More generalising, not all men on this site only message if there is a chance of a meet "
That isn't what was said, most people are on here to meet though and his initial post that was being replied to suggested this was a first mail to attract a meet |
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?"
It's not always our fault, let me set the scene.
Your both in the bedroom getting ready, the bloke is done, sorts his collar in the mirror and makes his way down stairs.
She comes down 20 minutes later and says 'How do I look'?
You reply 'fine' and she starts divorce proceedings.
What the fuck did I say wrong? I thought she looked fine so I said so but apparently your not supposed to say that in a conversation. |
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Sometimes men are scared to say the wrong thing even if it is true. ("that lipstick looked better on my ex.)
Sometimes men don't have a solution to whatever problem you are talking about and woukd rather not say anything that be insincere ("don't worry - everyone gets genital warts every now and then.)
Sometimes men prefer to think before they speak rather than just say what's on their mind. It makes them look slow but, generally, they make better points if they can get a word in edgeways.
Pick one. |
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"It's a stupid question because women are the same.
I get nothing more than "hello" after writing a fucking paragraph which women these days seem to demand.
It depends on how attractive you are, if you're very attractive then they'll put more effort in, if they don't then sorry......
More generalising, not all men on this site only message if there is a chance of a meet
That isn't what was said, most people are on here to meet though and his initial post that was being replied to suggested this was a first mail to attract a meet"
It’s still a generalisation about a first message and makes an assumption that ‘attractiveness’ in whatever guise is directly proportional to effort. That isn’t true for all or even the majority of men and therefore is misleading and judgmental. I don’t like injustice and there can be days when certain groups are targeted on the forum. Today seems to be one of them. I think it’s counterproductive, there are positives and negatives about all groups on the site. I’m trying to portray males in a more positive light, they aren’t all the same. As in every day life there are good and bad in all groups |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"If you've got a body like mine, you need some sparkling conversation. That's not just talking (fair point about a few grunts or one word answers) but also listening too.
Some women aren't comfortable opening up either, which can make conversation tricky."
Yes conversation is definitely a two-way thing and an under-acknowledged skill |
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
It's a great filter is it not. No dialogue means why would they care about you let alone be sexually compatible. Many people still do not understand that the brain is the biggest sex organ. "
Is that why my hat falls off when I’m turned |
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"If you've got a body like mine, you need some sparkling conversation. That's not just talking (fair point about a few grunts or one word answers) but also listening too.
Some women aren't comfortable opening up either, which can make conversation tricky.
Yes conversation is definitely a two-way thing and an under-acknowledged skill "
Yes some females can be defensive and that is down to past experience and the males they have encountered previously, it’s incredibly tricky |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It's a stupid question because women are the same.
I get nothing more than "hello" after writing a fucking paragraph which women these days seem to demand.
It depends on how attractive you are, if you're very attractive then they'll put more effort in, if they don't then sorry......
More generalising, not all men on this site only message if there is a chance of a meet
That isn't what was said, most people are on here to meet though and his initial post that was being replied to suggested this was a first mail to attract a meet
It’s still a generalisation about a first message and makes an assumption that ‘attractiveness’ in whatever guise is directly proportional to effort. That isn’t true for all or even the majority of men and therefore is misleading and judgmental. I don’t like injustice and there can be days when certain groups are targeted on the forum. Today seems to be one of them. I think it’s counterproductive, there are positives and negatives about all groups on the site. I’m trying to portray males in a more positive light, they aren’t all the same. As in every day life there are good and bad in all groups "
Absolutely agree, men aren't all the same but was just highlighting a trend I have noticed over many years, not just here, of how men in this sort of environment tend to behave. It has generated a lively discussion here at any rate which is good |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sometimes men are scared to say the wrong thing even if it is true. ("that lipstick looked better on my ex.)
Sometimes men don't have a solution to whatever problem you are talking about and woukd rather not say anything that be insincere ("don't worry - everyone gets genital warts every now and then.)
Sometimes men prefer to think before they speak rather than just say what's on their mind. It makes them look slow but, generally, they make better points if they can get a word in edgeways.
Pick one. "
Interesting views, thanks. For me how a coversation proceeds is a useful indicator of how events in the bedroom might unfold... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's givers and takers in this world.... And truth be known most folks like their egos massaging now and then, the website is sort of set up for that aspect to be encouraged.
Some people struggle to see through the facade of it all and get "grumpy" about why who when where and what is the "problem" when the reality is the problem is in their own head |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Maybe you’re asking to many questions like an interview and can’t be arsed listening or even talking?"
Could understand that if that were the case, but conversation to me is not just questions and answers for me |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There's givers and takers in this world.... And truth be known most folks like their egos massaging now and then, the website is sort of set up for that aspect to be encouraged.
Some people struggle to see through the facade of it all and get "grumpy" about why who when where and what is the "problem" when the reality is the problem is in their own head "
Yes I'm quite aware that "projection" goes on and try to take responsibility for my own "stuff" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
It's not always our fault, let me set the scene.
Your both in the bedroom getting ready, the bloke is done, sorts his collar in the mirror and makes his way down stairs.
She comes down 20 minutes later and says 'How do I look'?
You reply 'fine' and she starts divorce proceedings.
What the fuck did I say wrong? I thought she looked fine so I said so but apparently your not supposed to say that in a conversation."
The "how do I look question" and response is a whole other story and deserves a thread of its own! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Could be a number of reasons. Lazy. Have zero people skills. Lead boring lives. Just plain rude. Depression. Unhappy. "
Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Might as well end it all now.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
Maybe because women talk utter shit.
And use things like 'lol' 'lmao' ect as if you are actually laughing out loud.
"
I'm with you there, text-speak drives me round the bend |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
I don't think men in general *are* necessarily poor conversationalists but I do think, on here, you can get a skewed impression of their conversational skills. Of course there are always those you simply don't click with, and those who think grunting at you in a monosyllabic childish fashion is all they need to do ... I'm not even thinking of those types when I consider conversation, after all why would you want to pursue them?
However, what I've experienced quite a few times, disappointingly so, is receiving a very well written first message where they make reference to my profile and/or an aspect of my personality they've noticed through the forums, where they ask a couple of questions - thus showing they're open to conversation (you'd think) and therefore seeming potentially interesting and worth engaging with. Having my brain stimulated is the sure fire way of getting my body turned on too ...
.... however, after such a promising start, I then reply in a similar fashion, throwing in observations and questions of my own - only to get a much shorter response which reads as though it could have been written by a completely different person! My questions are ignored, there's no natural 'flow' on from my message and all they want to know is have I got Kik, do I cam and/or can we meet next week
I'm damned sure - from their initial message - that they can string more than two words together in an amusing, intelligent, and thought provoking way but having 'broken the ice' and got my attention they can't bloody well be arsed to make any further effort. It's a wholly unappealing mix of laziness and entitlement and it really bugs me because it's happened a lot. It's not a natural thing of conversation and potential attraction fizzling out as it does the more you get to know someone and find they're not for you because they still want to see me, but a reluctance to invest anything other than the bare minimum into the process. I used to try chivvying the conversation along based on my initial promising impression but it's such a waste of time trying to get blood out of a stone when this happens. And it doesn't make you feel good
On a more positive note there *are* some very good male conversationalists on Fab who I've been lucky enough to enjoy a correspondence with but in my experience they're definitely in the minority. Of course, if Fab's working for you without lots of chatting then great, it's not obligatory. Just gets my goat when people seemingly capable of much more grab your attention under false pretences though ultimately that approach does them no favours."
Agree |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?"
With me its the other way round. I can talk till the cows come home. But I find that on here, fems in particular can be well guarded, I'll ask questions to find common ground, and what I usually get back is one liners or just monosylyblic answers that go nowhere. One fem on here simply told me I was being nosy and shouldn't ask so many questions. She was hard work, but really quite typical of many on here. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't say it was a male thing. In general I find it easier to converse with men than women.
If I think of the most difficult people I've had to deal with they've all been women.
You cant say that on a male bashing thread. Please delete "
This is not meant to be a male bashing thread! Merely an intelligent discussion to gain views and perspectives! |
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"I wouldn't say it was a male thing. In general I find it easier to converse with men than women.
If I think of the most difficult people I've had to deal with they've all been women.
You cant say that on a male bashing thread. Please delete
This is not meant to be a male bashing thread! Merely an intelligent discussion to gain views and perspectives! "
Don't believe you sorry |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
Get out of Norwich a bit, I pretty much gave up looking locally. If I need to remind myself why I only need to look at my local updates.
It's not a case of the grass is greener either, when I travel around the country and have a look at What's going on locally it's like a different world."
I get what you're saying, I'm a Londoner so tend to have more in common with those from big cities. That said, have also met some great people in Norwich |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
With me its the other way round. I can talk till the cows come home. But I find that on here, fems in particular can be well guarded, I'll ask questions to find common ground, and what I usually get back is one liners or just monosylyblic answers that go nowhere. One fem on here simply told me I was being nosy and shouldn't ask so many questions. She was hard work, but really quite typical of many on here. "
I also get ignored on threads like these. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
With me its the other way round. I can talk till the cows come home. But I find that on here, fems in particular can be well guarded, I'll ask questions to find common ground, and what I usually get back is one liners or just monosylyblic answers that go nowhere. One fem on here simply told me I was being nosy and shouldn't ask so many questions. She was hard work, but really quite typical of many on here. "
Interesting to hear your experiences. Obviously what happened in the past will colour your behaviour in the present (this is true for me as well , and everyone else too of course). No wonder conversations can be so difficult! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"...such poor conversationalists?
Whether on here or in person, I find it's always me asking the questions while they give a series of monologues in reply.
Is it the way we are socialised as children do you think?
With me its the other way round. I can talk till the cows come home. But I find that on here, fems in particular can be well guarded, I'll ask questions to find common ground, and what I usually get back is one liners or just monosylyblic answers that go nowhere. One fem on here simply told me I was being nosy and shouldn't ask so many questions. She was hard work, but really quite typical of many on here.
Interesting to hear your experiences. Obviously what happened in the past will colour your behaviour in the present (this is true for me as well , and everyone else too of course). No wonder conversations can be so difficult! "
For the most part, I don't bother contacting anyone anymore, because usually the end result is always the same. If they choose to contact me however, I'm more than happy to chat. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a stupid question because women are the same.
I get nothing more than "hello" after writing a fucking paragraph which women these days seem to demand.
It depends on how attractive you are, if you're very attractive then they'll put more effort in, if they don't then sorry......
More generalising, not all men on this site only message if there is a chance of a meet "
Here here...we message and I haven't a fecking clue what you look like....it's not all about getting into someone's knickers.
In my humble opinion |
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"It's a stupid question because women are the same.
I get nothing more than "hello" after writing a fucking paragraph which women these days seem to demand.
It depends on how attractive you are, if you're very attractive then they'll put more effort in, if they don't then sorry......
More generalising, not all men on this site only message if there is a chance of a meet
Here here...we message and I haven't a fecking clue what you look like....it's not all about getting into someone's knickers.
In my humble opinion "
Good job really, as I don’t wear any for part of the year |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a stupid question because women are the same.
I get nothing more than "hello" after writing a fucking paragraph which women these days seem to demand.
It depends on how attractive you are, if you're very attractive then they'll put more effort in, if they don't then sorry......
More generalising, not all men on this site only message if there is a chance of a meet
Here here...we message and I haven't a fecking clue what you look like....it's not all about getting into someone's knickers.
In my humble opinion
Good job really, as I don’t wear any for part of the year "
Do you fecking mind I'm eating my fecking lunch  |
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"It's a stupid question because women are the same.
I get nothing more than "hello" after writing a fucking paragraph which women these days seem to demand.
It depends on how attractive you are, if you're very attractive then they'll put more effort in, if they don't then sorry......
More generalising, not all men on this site only message if there is a chance of a meet
Here here...we message and I haven't a fecking clue what you look like....it's not all about getting into someone's knickers.
In my humble opinion
Good job really, as I don’t wear any for part of the year
Do you fecking mind I'm eating my fecking lunch "
Oh I’m starving I’ll eat it if I’ve put you off |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's a stupid question because women are the same.
I get nothing more than "hello" after writing a fucking paragraph which women these days seem to demand.
It depends on how attractive you are, if you're very attractive then they'll put more effort in, if they don't then sorry......
More generalising, not all men on this site only message if there is a chance of a meet
Here here...we message and I haven't a fecking clue what you look like....it's not all about getting into someone's knickers.
In my humble opinion
Good job really, as I don’t wear any for part of the year
Do you fecking mind I'm eating my fecking lunch
Oh I’m starving I’ll eat it if I’ve put you off "
It's fecking liver and onions |
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"It's a stupid question because women are the same.
I get nothing more than "hello" after writing a fucking paragraph which women these days seem to demand.
It depends on how attractive you are, if you're very attractive then they'll put more effort in, if they don't then sorry......
More generalising, not all men on this site only message if there is a chance of a meet
Here here...we message and I haven't a fecking clue what you look like....it's not all about getting into someone's knickers.
In my humble opinion
Good job really, as I don’t wear any for part of the year
Do you fecking mind I'm eating my fecking lunch
Oh I’m starving I’ll eat it if I’ve put you off
It's fecking liver and onions "
 |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"It's a stupid question because women are the same.
I get nothing more than "hello" after writing a fucking paragraph which women these days seem to demand.
It depends on how attractive you are, if you're very attractive then they'll put more effort in, if they don't then sorry......
More generalising, not all men on this site only message if there is a chance of a meet
That isn't what was said, most people are on here to meet though and his initial post that was being replied to suggested this was a first mail to attract a meet
It’s still a generalisation about a first message and makes an assumption that ‘attractiveness’ in whatever guise is directly proportional to effort. That isn’t true for all or even the majority of men and therefore is misleading and judgmental. I don’t like injustice and there can be days when certain groups are targeted on the forum. Today seems to be one of them. I think it’s counterproductive, there are positives and negatives about all groups on the site. I’m trying to portray males in a more positive light, they aren’t all the same. As in every day life there are good and bad in all groups "
You said this "More generalising, not all men on this site only message if there is a chance of a meet " which isn't what you have answered now.
Unless you spoke to every man on this site I am not sure how you can say "all or the majority" of men do something on this site.
I can only speak for myself and I think the post you quoted is true for me at least, it depends on how attractive someone is as to whether I converse with them initially.I don't think saying that is counterproductive, just truthful
We all obviously use the site differently
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"It's a stupid question because women are the same.
I get nothing more than "hello" after writing a fucking paragraph which women these days seem to demand.
It depends on how attractive you are, if you're very attractive then they'll put more effort in, if they don't then sorry......
More generalising, not all men on this site only message if there is a chance of a meet
That isn't what was said, most people are on here to meet though and his initial post that was being replied to suggested this was a first mail to attract a meet
It’s still a generalisation about a first message and makes an assumption that ‘attractiveness’ in whatever guise is directly proportional to effort. That isn’t true for all or even the majority of men and therefore is misleading and judgmental. I don’t like injustice and there can be days when certain groups are targeted on the forum. Today seems to be one of them. I think it’s counterproductive, there are positives and negatives about all groups on the site. I’m trying to portray males in a more positive light, they aren’t all the same. As in every day life there are good and bad in all groups
You said this "More generalising, not all men on this site only message if there is a chance of a meet " which isn't what you have answered now.
Unless you spoke to every man on this site I am not sure how you can say "all or the majority" of men do something on this site.
I can only speak for myself and I think the post you quoted is true for me at least, it depends on how attractive someone is as to whether I converse with them initially.I don't think saying that is counterproductive, just truthful
We all obviously use the site differently
"
That I think we can all agree on and is why opinions and perceptions are so different amongst members. It’s interesting messaging ppl and getting an insight into their experience. I feel privileged when ppl share why they’re here some complex and emotional reasons. Fab is a truly fascinating site for me because of my interest in ppl |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I find the same thing with couples and women too. It's a people thing, nothing to do with what sex a person might be "
Acknowledged, I stand humbled and corrected. No offence intended to any men. Thanks to everyone for their contributions, it has given me food for thought |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find the same thing with couples and women too. It's a people thing, nothing to do with what sex a person might be
Acknowledged, I stand humbled and corrected. No offence intended to any men. Thanks to everyone for their contributions, it has given me food for thought "
My guess is that we all see it more in our 'target groups' (for lack of a better phrase) so it sticks in the brain more..you probably talk to more chaps than anyone else at a guess (not nosed at your profile to see what your looking for)
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"I find the same thing with couples and women too. It's a people thing, nothing to do with what sex a person might be "
I don't know...I think with many guys there is a definite eagerness to get right down to business with minimal preamble that I've rarely encountered in women.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find the same thing with couples and women too. It's a people thing, nothing to do with what sex a person might be
I don't know...I think with many guys there is a definite eagerness to get right down to business with minimal preamble that I've rarely encountered in women.
"
I do find guys a bit faster to want to get to the physical...but their style of conversation doesn't come into that.
I've had some wonderfully worded fancy a fuck messages and some very droll conversation with folk.
I don't think the length and quality of a person's message reflects the speed at which they want to meet.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think that if the conversation is online it lacks those face to face signals that take it beyond anything text alone can deliver. And perhaps the nature of this site lends itself to a cut yo the chase approach on the basis thst the primary motivation for all on here is usually to move to the meet and sex.
But that apary online or real world there sometimes seems to be a gender related gulf where guys tend towards the functional or practical or the superficial
Most guys i know would rather remove their eyes with a blunt spoon rather than talk about anything with much of an emotional content or with rare exceptions allow anyone to get close beyond a certain boundary.
Surprisingly maybe while girls in the real world are often more socialised than guys on here I often find those barriers walls if you like are as prevalent with girls as with guys.
Perhaps thst to is part of the nature of the site.
But get us all out into the real world where the connection is more personal and whete those non verbal elements of converdatikn operate and it does for me change the dynamic massively.
I know there are few I talk to here beyond the confines of the forums....those I do I value more obviously. But those I don't it's part a function of knowing whete to start especially as most single guys trying to initiate contact usually get no reply or deleted or a one line response. We all know why that happens but conversations work in two directions. If they don't....
But there are others here that I read in the forums may never txt or approach where I know in a different context bar coffee or real world I could probably spend hours talking and more importantly listening to them ...
Not sure if that says more about me or about the nature of fab... |
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It's largely a hangover - a legacy from our past , where for most men communication skills weren't valed highly enough. More so, that men were discouraged from revealing much of their more tender sides and feelings etc. |
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