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General advice.......
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"I know this is fun and adults but just want some general advice...... Your female friend is seeing a guy.....she is saying they have decided to be exclusive and are becoming a couple..... Another female friend seperate from the first meets a guy and it turns out to be the same guy as your first friend is seeing and beleiving to be exclusive with...... Do you tell the first friend her guy is meeting other women without her knowledge or agreement? " Have you ever heard the phrase.. Shoot the messenger?  | |||
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"What's in it for me?" Nothing | |||
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"I personally would like to know if the person I am committed to is seeing someone else. Yes I know, I'm on a swingers site, but if it's a true friend she needs to know the truth. If you've been hurt before through a cheated relationship then you know where I'm coming from" But what is the truth? | |||
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"I personally would like to know if the person I am committed to is seeing someone else. Yes I know, I'm on a swingers site, but if it's a true friend she needs to know the truth. If you've been hurt before through a cheated relationship then you know where I'm coming from But what is the truth?" Well I’m sat here with friend no 2 and he is texting her........and and hour ago friend no 1 text me saying he just cooked her a great dinner....at her house.....  | |||
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"I personally would like to know if the person I am committed to is seeing someone else. Yes I know, I'm on a swingers site, but if it's a true friend she needs to know the truth. If you've been hurt before through a cheated relationship then you know where I'm coming from But what is the truth? Well I’m sat here with friend no 2 and he is texting her........and and hour ago friend no 1 text me saying he just cooked her a great dinner....at her house..... "when it comes to other people's relationships you will never know the truth. What you know is her version of their relationship and what you've inferred from texts. On the face of it he's running round behind her back and lying to her but for all you know they might have discussed becoming exclusive "at some point" and she's heard that as "immediately". If you feel you need to, tell her do so but bear in mind you will be telling her second hand information from Friend 2 not anything you've seen with your own eyes. | |||
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"I know this is fun and adults but just want some general advice...... Your female friend is seeing a guy.....she is saying they have decided to be exclusive and are becoming a couple..... Another female friend seperate from the first meets a guy and it turns out to be the same guy as your first friend is seeing and beleiving to be exclusive with...... Do you tell the first friend her guy is meeting other women without her knowledge or agreement? " This is about ur last topici feel | |||
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"I personally would like to know if the person I am committed to is seeing someone else. Yes I know, I'm on a swingers site, but if it's a true friend she needs to know the truth. If you've been hurt before through a cheated relationship then you know where I'm coming from But what is the truth?" That he is seeing other women when she thinks he isn`t. How many of the people saying keep quiet would be happy if they found out there partner had been cheating and their friend knew but didn`t tell them? | |||
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"I know this is fun and adults but just want some general advice...... Your female friend is seeing a guy.....she is saying they have decided to be exclusive and are becoming a couple..... Another female friend seperate from the first meets a guy and it turns out to be the same guy as your first friend is seeing and beleiving to be exclusive with...... Do you tell the first friend her guy is meeting other women without her knowledge or agreement? " No, they are all adults, let them sort it out. | |||
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"I personally would like to know if the person I am committed to is seeing someone else. Yes I know, I'm on a swingers site, but if it's a true friend she needs to know the truth. If you've been hurt before through a cheated relationship then you know where I'm coming from But what is the truth? That he is seeing other women when she thinks he isn`t. How many of the people saying keep quiet would be happy if they found out there partner had been cheating and their friend knew but didn`t tell them? " I'm 100% happy for my friends to keep entirely out of my marriage. | |||
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"I personally would like to know if the person I am committed to is seeing someone else. Yes I know, I'm on a swingers site, but if it's a true friend she needs to know the truth. If you've been hurt before through a cheated relationship then you know where I'm coming from But what is the truth? That he is seeing other women when she thinks he isn`t. How many of the people saying keep quiet would be happy if they found out there partner had been cheating and their friend knew but didn`t tell them? I'm 100% happy for my friends to keep entirely out of my marriage." Me too, not their business. | |||
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"I personally would like to know if the person I am committed to is seeing someone else. Yes I know, I'm on a swingers site, but if it's a true friend she needs to know the truth. If you've been hurt before through a cheated relationship then you know where I'm coming from But what is the truth? That he is seeing other women when she thinks he isn`t. How many of the people saying keep quiet would be happy if they found out there partner had been cheating and their friend knew but didn`t tell them? I'm 100% happy for my friends to keep entirely out of my marriage." I have seen the fallout from this exact situation (more than once) and the betrayal from the `friend` was viewed in much the same light as the cheaters. | |||
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"I'm not being helpful, but just nosy...does Friend 2 know what you know?" Fucknose 
Sorry, someone had to say it, I think  | |||
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"If i had a female friend then as a friend i wood tell them cos friends are ment to look out for eatch other."  | |||
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"Personally I would leave well alone , and move on" Keep out of it op. | |||
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"People have very odd views of what friendship is!!" Don't they! | |||
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"I have my friends back at all times. Without hesitation if I knew someone was taking the piss like this I'd tell her, not stand by and watch while she gets hurt. Wether she has misunderstood a conversation or not she is clearly in a different space to this fella, and as her friend that is something you can help her with. I do also wonder if it's connected to your recent situation though OP, and if so you would need to be very careful how you approach telling her, she may think it's sour grapes "
Some weird people that would stand by and let their friends make fools of themselves.  | |||
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"Because if he tells friend 2 she stops seeing the guy and friend 1 is still unaware the man she thinks she's in a exclusive relationship with has cheated on her. " Why can't friend 2 say to him "I know that you're in an exclusive relationship and if you don't play fair with the woman concerned and tell her yourself that you still want to see other people, I will" But again it all comes down to what people think they know is the truth. It actually isn't. It's what they assumed is the truth based on what someone else has told them filtered through their own experience. But hey, let's assume a guy is a cheat based on no actual first hand evidence and no input from him at all. | |||
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"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out." For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. | |||
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"Because if he tells friend 2 she stops seeing the guy and friend 1 is still unaware the man she thinks she's in a exclusive relationship with has cheated on her. Why can't friend 2 say to him "I know that you're in an exclusive relationship and if you don't play fair with the woman concerned and tell her yourself that you still want to see other people, I will" But again it all comes down to what people think they know is the truth. It actually isn't. It's what they assumed is the truth based on what someone else has told them filtered through their own experience. But hey, let's assume a guy is a cheat based on no actual first hand evidence and no input from him at all." So a guy that is seeing two women when at least 1 of the women thinks it is exclusive isn`t a cheat? Even if he hasn`t committed to either he still doesn`t meet the expectations of friend number 1 and she deserves to know as he obviously has neglected to tell her. | |||
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"Because if he tells friend 2 she stops seeing the guy and friend 1 is still unaware the man she thinks she's in a exclusive relationship with has cheated on her. Why can't friend 2 say to him "I know that you're in an exclusive relationship and if you don't play fair with the woman concerned and tell her yourself that you still want to see other people, I will" But again it all comes down to what people think they know is the truth. It actually isn't. It's what they assumed is the truth based on what someone else has told them filtered through their own experience. But hey, let's assume a guy is a cheat based on no actual first hand evidence and no input from him at all. So a guy that is seeing two women when at least 1 of the women thinks it is exclusive isn`t a cheat? Even if he hasn`t committed to either he still doesn`t meet the expectations of friend number 1 and she deserves to know as he obviously has neglected to tell her. " You’re interpreting there though, it’s interesting you can’t see that. I’m not making a case for either side but just to highlight your interpretation — how about Friend 1 has told OP that her and Male are exclusive but they aren’t, and she’s scenario built their interactions into her construing it this way or they’ve talked and she feels that’s what’s been agreed but he’s been clear it isn’t the case but she refuses to accept it... point is *you* don’t know what happened, you know only what another person has interpreted from whatever Friend 1 has said, which also may be wrongly understood. And then you’re making determined fact from it. That’s daft. | |||
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"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. " I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. | |||
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"Because if he tells friend 2 she stops seeing the guy and friend 1 is still unaware the man she thinks she's in a exclusive relationship with has cheated on her. Why can't friend 2 say to him "I know that you're in an exclusive relationship and if you don't play fair with the woman concerned and tell her yourself that you still want to see other people, I will" But again it all comes down to what people think they know is the truth. It actually isn't. It's what they assumed is the truth based on what someone else has told them filtered through their own experience. But hey, let's assume a guy is a cheat based on no actual first hand evidence and no input from him at all. So a guy that is seeing two women when at least 1 of the women thinks it is exclusive isn`t a cheat? Even if he hasn`t committed to either he still doesn`t meet the expectations of friend number 1 and she deserves to know as he obviously has neglected to tell her. " My point is that not one single, person who has replied to this thread knows either the woman, the guy or friend two. However based on second hand information about what two of them have said some are prepared to advise this guy to tell her what he thinks he knows. | |||
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"Because if he tells friend 2 she stops seeing the guy and friend 1 is still unaware the man she thinks she's in a exclusive relationship with has cheated on her. Why can't friend 2 say to him "I know that you're in an exclusive relationship and if you don't play fair with the woman concerned and tell her yourself that you still want to see other people, I will" But again it all comes down to what people think they know is the truth. It actually isn't. It's what they assumed is the truth based on what someone else has told them filtered through their own experience. But hey, let's assume a guy is a cheat based on no actual first hand evidence and no input from him at all. So a guy that is seeing two women when at least 1 of the women thinks it is exclusive isn`t a cheat? Even if he hasn`t committed to either he still doesn`t meet the expectations of friend number 1 and she deserves to know as he obviously has neglected to tell her. You’re interpreting there though, it’s interesting you can’t see that. I’m not making a case for either side but just to highlight your interpretation — how about Friend 1 has told OP that her and Male are exclusive but they aren’t, and she’s scenario built their interactions into her construing it this way or they’ve talked and she feels that’s what’s been agreed but he’s been clear it isn’t the case but she refuses to accept it... point is *you* don’t know what happened, you know only what another person has interpreted from whatever Friend 1 has said, which also may be wrongly understood. And then you’re making determined fact from it. That’s daft. " But that is you assuming that things may not be as the friend has stated they are. I am basing my response and actions on what i have been told, which isn`t interpretation, or assumption. It is fact that friend 1 has said they are in a exclusive relationship. Op tells us that friend 1 states her and the guy have decided on an exclusive relationship, there is nothing to misinterpret there. It doesn`t make it true but it is what friend 1 believes and she is mistaken so as a friend it is your duty to set them straight to save them from getting hurt. What you are suggesting is daft, anything that is written on the internet may or may not be true however i dont see it stopping you from having an opinion on it. The op asked for help on the situation he described, if the situation isn`t as he described or he hasn`t checked the facts it is irrelevent and adding caveats and what if`s is the epitome of assumption and interpretation. | |||
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"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay." So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? | |||
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"Because if he tells friend 2 she stops seeing the guy and friend 1 is still unaware the man she thinks she's in a exclusive relationship with has cheated on her. Why can't friend 2 say to him "I know that you're in an exclusive relationship and if you don't play fair with the woman concerned and tell her yourself that you still want to see other people, I will" But again it all comes down to what people think they know is the truth. It actually isn't. It's what they assumed is the truth based on what someone else has told them filtered through their own experience. But hey, let's assume a guy is a cheat based on no actual first hand evidence and no input from him at all. So a guy that is seeing two women when at least 1 of the women thinks it is exclusive isn`t a cheat? Even if he hasn`t committed to either he still doesn`t meet the expectations of friend number 1 and she deserves to know as he obviously has neglected to tell her. You’re interpreting there though, it’s interesting you can’t see that. I’m not making a case for either side but just to highlight your interpretation — how about Friend 1 has told OP that her and Male are exclusive but they aren’t, and she’s scenario built their interactions into her construing it this way or they’ve talked and she feels that’s what’s been agreed but he’s been clear it isn’t the case but she refuses to accept it... point is *you* don’t know what happened, you know only what another person has interpreted from whatever Friend 1 has said, which also may be wrongly understood. And then you’re making determined fact from it. That’s daft. But that is you assuming that things may not be as the friend has stated they are. I am basing my response and actions on what i have been told, which isn`t interpretation, or assumption. It is fact that friend 1 has said they are in a exclusive relationship. Op tells us that friend 1 states her and the guy have decided on an exclusive relationship, there is nothing to misinterpret there. It doesn`t make it true but it is what friend 1 believes and she is mistaken so as a friend it is your duty to set them straight to save them from getting hurt. What you are suggesting is daft, anything that is written on the internet may or may not be true however i dont see it stopping you from having an opinion on it. The op asked for help on the situation he described, if the situation isn`t as he described or he hasn`t checked the facts it is irrelevent and adding caveats and what if`s is the epitome of assumption and interpretation. " Ahh, so you do understand the point nicecouple was making but just chose not to get it. Cool, well my offer of advice would be to advise the OP that he may not have all the facts rather than perpetuate the acceptance of one truth only. I think that’s most helpful. | |||
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"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? " Chip. Shoulder. | |||
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"Because if he tells friend 2 she stops seeing the guy and friend 1 is still unaware the man she thinks she's in a exclusive relationship with has cheated on her. Why can't friend 2 say to him "I know that you're in an exclusive relationship and if you don't play fair with the woman concerned and tell her yourself that you still want to see other people, I will" But again it all comes down to what people think they know is the truth. It actually isn't. It's what they assumed is the truth based on what someone else has told them filtered through their own experience. But hey, let's assume a guy is a cheat based on no actual first hand evidence and no input from him at all. So a guy that is seeing two women when at least 1 of the women thinks it is exclusive isn`t a cheat? Even if he hasn`t committed to either he still doesn`t meet the expectations of friend number 1 and she deserves to know as he obviously has neglected to tell her. My point is that not one single, person who has replied to this thread knows either the woman, the guy or friend two. However based on second hand information about what two of them have said some are prepared to advise this guy to tell her what he thinks he knows. " And my point is that we were asked for advice on a specific situation and the facts aren`t really able to be misconstrued. Friend 1 says they are in an exclusive relationship, the guy is also seeing friend 2 and texting her whilst with friend 1. Op knows this because he has witnessed it and he wants to know if he should tell his friends. Putting any other spin or slant on this is just an attempt to absolve you/him from having to get involved. | |||
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"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder. "Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread? | |||
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"Because if he tells friend 2 she stops seeing the guy and friend 1 is still unaware the man she thinks she's in a exclusive relationship with has cheated on her. Why can't friend 2 say to him "I know that you're in an exclusive relationship and if you don't play fair with the woman concerned and tell her yourself that you still want to see other people, I will" But again it all comes down to what people think they know is the truth. It actually isn't. It's what they assumed is the truth based on what someone else has told them filtered through their own experience. But hey, let's assume a guy is a cheat based on no actual first hand evidence and no input from him at all. So a guy that is seeing two women when at least 1 of the women thinks it is exclusive isn`t a cheat? Even if he hasn`t committed to either he still doesn`t meet the expectations of friend number 1 and she deserves to know as he obviously has neglected to tell her. My point is that not one single, person who has replied to this thread knows either the woman, the guy or friend two. However based on second hand information about what two of them have said some are prepared to advise this guy to tell her what he thinks he knows. And my point is that we were asked for advice on a specific situation and the facts aren`t really able to be misconstrued. Friend 1 says they are in an exclusive relationship, the guy is also seeing friend 2 and texting her whilst with friend 1. Op knows this because he has witnessed it and he wants to know if he should tell his friends. Putting any other spin or slant on this is just an attempt to absolve you/him from having to get involved." You’re rather blinkered in how you see it. I also haven’t at any post my stated my view. And that’s a very judgemental stance that not seeing it in the black/white is purely about absolution! Blimey. I feel you’re projecting your own experience of this scenario rather a lot here. | |||
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"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?"Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude. | |||
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"Because if he tells friend 2 she stops seeing the guy and friend 1 is still unaware the man she thinks she's in a exclusive relationship with has cheated on her. Why can't friend 2 say to him "I know that you're in an exclusive relationship and if you don't play fair with the woman concerned and tell her yourself that you still want to see other people, I will" But again it all comes down to what people think they know is the truth. It actually isn't. It's what they assumed is the truth based on what someone else has told them filtered through their own experience. But hey, let's assume a guy is a cheat based on no actual first hand evidence and no input from him at all. So a guy that is seeing two women when at least 1 of the women thinks it is exclusive isn`t a cheat? Even if he hasn`t committed to either he still doesn`t meet the expectations of friend number 1 and she deserves to know as he obviously has neglected to tell her. You’re interpreting there though, it’s interesting you can’t see that. I’m not making a case for either side but just to highlight your interpretation — how about Friend 1 has told OP that her and Male are exclusive but they aren’t, and she’s scenario built their interactions into her construing it this way or they’ve talked and she feels that’s what’s been agreed but he’s been clear it isn’t the case but she refuses to accept it... point is *you* don’t know what happened, you know only what another person has interpreted from whatever Friend 1 has said, which also may be wrongly understood. And then you’re making determined fact from it. That’s daft. But that is you assuming that things may not be as the friend has stated they are. I am basing my response and actions on what i have been told, which isn`t interpretation, or assumption. It is fact that friend 1 has said they are in a exclusive relationship. Op tells us that friend 1 states her and the guy have decided on an exclusive relationship, there is nothing to misinterpret there. It doesn`t make it true but it is what friend 1 believes and she is mistaken so as a friend it is your duty to set them straight to save them from getting hurt. What you are suggesting is daft, anything that is written on the internet may or may not be true however i dont see it stopping you from having an opinion on it. The op asked for help on the situation he described, if the situation isn`t as he described or he hasn`t checked the facts it is irrelevent and adding caveats and what if`s is the epitome of assumption and interpretation. Ahh, so you do understand the point nicecouple was making but just chose not to get it. Cool, well my offer of advice would be to advise the OP that he may not have all the facts rather than perpetuate the acceptance of one truth only. I think that’s most helpful. " Judging by the contradictions and u turns, not even nicecouple understand the point they are making. Nice interpretation and assumptions by the way... | |||
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"Because if he tells friend 2 she stops seeing the guy and friend 1 is still unaware the man she thinks she's in a exclusive relationship with has cheated on her. Why can't friend 2 say to him "I know that you're in an exclusive relationship and if you don't play fair with the woman concerned and tell her yourself that you still want to see other people, I will" But again it all comes down to what people think they know is the truth. It actually isn't. It's what they assumed is the truth based on what someone else has told them filtered through their own experience. But hey, let's assume a guy is a cheat based on no actual first hand evidence and no input from him at all. So a guy that is seeing two women when at least 1 of the women thinks it is exclusive isn`t a cheat? Even if he hasn`t committed to either he still doesn`t meet the expectations of friend number 1 and she deserves to know as he obviously has neglected to tell her. You’re interpreting there though, it’s interesting you can’t see that. I’m not making a case for either side but just to highlight your interpretation — how about Friend 1 has told OP that her and Male are exclusive but they aren’t, and she’s scenario built their interactions into her construing it this way or they’ve talked and she feels that’s what’s been agreed but he’s been clear it isn’t the case but she refuses to accept it... point is *you* don’t know what happened, you know only what another person has interpreted from whatever Friend 1 has said, which also may be wrongly understood. And then you’re making determined fact from it. That’s daft. But that is you assuming that things may not be as the friend has stated they are. I am basing my response and actions on what i have been told, which isn`t interpretation, or assumption. It is fact that friend 1 has said they are in a exclusive relationship. Op tells us that friend 1 states her and the guy have decided on an exclusive relationship, there is nothing to misinterpret there. It doesn`t make it true but it is what friend 1 believes and she is mistaken so as a friend it is your duty to set them straight to save them from getting hurt. What you are suggesting is daft, anything that is written on the internet may or may not be true however i dont see it stopping you from having an opinion on it. The op asked for help on the situation he described, if the situation isn`t as he described or he hasn`t checked the facts it is irrelevent and adding caveats and what if`s is the epitome of assumption and interpretation. Ahh, so you do understand the point nicecouple was making but just chose not to get it. Cool, well my offer of advice would be to advise the OP that he may not have all the facts rather than perpetuate the acceptance of one truth only. I think that’s most helpful. Judging by the contradictions and u turns, not even nicecouple understand the point they are making. Nice interpretation and assumptions by the way... " And you say you don’t have a chip?! Blimey. | |||
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"I know this is fun and adults but just want some general advice...... Your female friend is seeing a guy.....she is saying they have decided to be exclusive and are becoming a couple..... Another female friend seperate from the first meets a guy and it turns out to be the same guy as your first friend is seeing and beleiving to be exclusive with...... Do you tell the first friend her guy is meeting other women without her knowledge or agreement? " Law of averages and possibilities and probabilities and all that........ I find it more than co-incidental that you know a woman AND another woman and both these women are talking to you about a man you don't know but they are dating. Are you all members of the same church ? What is this man to you. Why do you feel that his 'protection' is more important than your 'friends' woman 1 and woman 2? Do woman 1 and 2 know each other ? | |||
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"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude. "I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons. Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory. | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude.
I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons.
Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory."Everyone else’s point that doesn’t agree with you is nonsense.  | |||
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"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude.
I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons.
Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory.
Everyone else’s point that doesn’t agree with you is nonsense.
"Well you can’t debate with someone that won’t listen and is so blinkered. I’m out. OP, you don’t have all the facts. | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude.
I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons.
Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory.
Everyone else’s point that doesn’t agree with you is nonsense.
"No, just the ones that end up agreeing with the point they chose to argue against and don`t see or admit it. | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude.
I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons.
Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory.
Everyone else’s point that doesn’t agree with you is nonsense.
Well you can’t debate with someone that won’t listen and is so blinkered. I’m out.
OP, you don’t have all the facts. "Just as you cant debate with someone that wont discuss your point and instead tries to belittle you with passive aggressive (false) insinuations. | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude.
I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons.
Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory.
Everyone else’s point that doesn’t agree with you is nonsense.
No, just the ones that end up agreeing with the point they chose to argue against and don`t see or admit it."But what point have I agreed with and argued against? I’ve not confirmed any view point as being the correct one other than all the stance is based on interpretation. | |||
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"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude.
I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons.
Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory.
Everyone else’s point that doesn’t agree with you is nonsense.
Well you can’t debate with someone that won’t listen and is so blinkered. I’m out.
OP, you don’t have all the facts.
Just as you cant debate with someone that wont discuss your point and instead tries to belittle you with passive aggressive (false) insinuations."I apologise if you’re upset that I don’t disagree it is as black and white as you do. | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude.
I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons.
Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory.
Everyone else’s point that doesn’t agree with you is nonsense.
Well you can’t debate with someone that won’t listen and is so blinkered. I’m out.
OP, you don’t have all the facts.
Just as you cant debate with someone that wont discuss your point and instead tries to belittle you with passive aggressive (false) insinuations.
I apologise if you’re upset that I don’t disagree it is as black and white as you do. "*agree not disagree
I still think personal experience pushes people to decide it is black and white and there’s only one answer. I feel it’s more nuanced. But you’re entitled to your opinion | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Because if he tells friend 2 she stops seeing the guy and friend 1 is still unaware the man she thinks she's in a exclusive relationship with has cheated on her. Why can't friend 2 say to him "I know that you're in an exclusive relationship and if you don't play fair with the woman concerned and tell her yourself that you still want to see other people, I will" But again it all comes down to what people think they know is the truth. It actually isn't. It's what they assumed is the truth based on what someone else has told them filtered through their own experience. But hey, let's assume a guy is a cheat based on no actual first hand evidence and no input from him at all. So a guy that is seeing two women when at least 1 of the women thinks it is exclusive isn`t a cheat? Even if he hasn`t committed to either he still doesn`t meet the expectations of friend number 1 and she deserves to know as he obviously has neglected to tell her. My point is that not one single, person who has replied to this thread knows either the woman, the guy or friend two. However based on second hand information about what two of them have said some are prepared to advise this guy to tell her what he thinks he knows. " I'm just answering the information as given. I would tell my friend 1 about friend 2. Up to them what they do with the info. | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude.
I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons.
Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory.
Everyone else’s point that doesn’t agree with you is nonsense.
No, just the ones that end up agreeing with the point they chose to argue against and don`t see or admit it.
But what point have I agreed with and argued against? I’ve not confirmed any view point as being the correct one other than all the stance is based on interpretation. "It is nice couples point that i called nonsense because they ended up saying to do the same thing i sugested and they had chosen to argue against whilst being totally contradictory along the way. You did however agree with them and try to confirm their response whilst at the same time trying to belittle me, infer i am blinkered, aggressive and have a chip on my shoulder whilst refusing to acknowledge these traits in your replies. | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude.
I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons.
Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory.
Everyone else’s point that doesn’t agree with you is nonsense.
Well you can’t debate with someone that won’t listen and is so blinkered. I’m out.
OP, you don’t have all the facts.
Just as you cant debate with someone that wont discuss your point and instead tries to belittle you with passive aggressive (false) insinuations.
I apologise if you’re upset that I don’t disagree it is as black and white as you do. "No need to apologise, i am not upset. You are entitled to your opinion, as am I. | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude.
I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons.
Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory.
Everyone else’s point that doesn’t agree with you is nonsense.
No, just the ones that end up agreeing with the point they chose to argue against and don`t see or admit it.
But what point have I agreed with and argued against? I’ve not confirmed any view point as being the correct one other than all the stance is based on interpretation.
It is nice couples point that i called nonsense because they ended up saying to do the same thing i sugested and they had chosen to argue against whilst being totally contradictory along the way.
You did however agree with them and try to confirm their response whilst at the same time trying to belittle me, infer i am blinkered, aggressive and have a chip on my shoulder whilst refusing to acknowledge these traits in your replies. "I agreed with the point that we don’t have all the facts. I never affirmed an action to take. I called your point daft if you were answering as if there was no potential for the “facts” to be wrong and telling others that the person had to be a cheat as the first woman’s stance and right was not to be challenged (there were so many ways it could be even taken the OP post as absolute fact!), and you then in response to me confirmed that your advice was based on the facts being absolute - that made sense putting in that qualifier (as Steelheels just has) although I don’t necessarily agree other than it is your opinion of advice for the OP. But you then went on to immediately state that there was no potential for the facts to not be interpreted differently, which I disagree and your posts throughout the thread have suggested only your opinion is right when it’s just an opinion afterall. | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
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Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude.
I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons.
Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory.
Everyone else’s point that doesn’t agree with you is nonsense.
Well you can’t debate with someone that won’t listen and is so blinkered. I’m out.
OP, you don’t have all the facts.
Just as you cant debate with someone that wont discuss your point and instead tries to belittle you with passive aggressive (false) insinuations.
I apologise if you’re upset that I don’t disagree it is as black and white as you do.
*agree not disagree
I still think personal experience pushes people to decide it is black and white and there’s only one answer. I feel it’s more nuanced. But you’re entitled to your opinion "The situation may be more nuanced, but the op`s question wasn`t. It was based on a specific situation and the points given within. Fair enough, point out that they need to be sure of the facts but do not choose to put your own slant on the question and then insult people when they don`t agree with your assumptions (esp not by telling them they are wrong and making assumptions). | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude.
I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons.
Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory.
Everyone else’s point that doesn’t agree with you is nonsense.
Well you can’t debate with someone that won’t listen and is so blinkered. I’m out.
OP, you don’t have all the facts.
Just as you cant debate with someone that wont discuss your point and instead tries to belittle you with passive aggressive (false) insinuations.
I apologise if you’re upset that I don’t disagree it is as black and white as you do.
*agree not disagree
I still think personal experience pushes people to decide it is black and white and there’s only one answer. I feel it’s more nuanced. But you’re entitled to your opinion
The situation may be more nuanced, but the op`s question wasn`t. It was based on a specific situation and the points given within.
Fair enough, point out that they need to be sure of the facts but do not choose to put your own slant on the question and then insult people when they don`t agree with your assumptions (esp not by telling them they are wrong and making assumptions).
"My push was against you doing that to another poster. | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude.
I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons.
Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory.
Everyone else’s point that doesn’t agree with you is nonsense.
No, just the ones that end up agreeing with the point they chose to argue against and don`t see or admit it.
But what point have I agreed with and argued against? I’ve not confirmed any view point as being the correct one other than all the stance is based on interpretation.
It is nice couples point that i called nonsense because they ended up saying to do the same thing i sugested and they had chosen to argue against whilst being totally contradictory along the way.
You did however agree with them and try to confirm their response whilst at the same time trying to belittle me, infer i am blinkered, aggressive and have a chip on my shoulder whilst refusing to acknowledge these traits in your replies.
I agreed with the point that we don’t have all the facts. I never affirmed an action to take. I called your point daft if you were answering as if there was no potential for the “facts” to be wrong and telling others that the person had to be a cheat as the first woman’s stance and right was not to be challenged (there were so many ways it could be even taken the OP post as absolute fact!), and you then in response to me confirmed that your advice was based on the facts being absolute - that made sense putting in that qualifier (as Steelheels just has) although I don’t necessarily agree other than it is your opinion of advice for the OP. But you then went on to immediately state that there was no potential for the facts to not be interpreted differently, which I disagree and your posts throughout the thread have suggested only your opinion is right when it’s just an opinion afterall. "Well the facts are the op has been told by friend 1 the relationship is exclusive, he knows it isn`t. It is not an assumption by him, it has been proven by the fact he has witnessed the guy texting the other woman whilst at the first womans house. Unless you are calling the op a liar these facts are absoloute. | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude.
I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons.
Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory.
Everyone else’s point that doesn’t agree with you is nonsense.
No, just the ones that end up agreeing with the point they chose to argue against and don`t see or admit it.
But what point have I agreed with and argued against? I’ve not confirmed any view point as being the correct one other than all the stance is based on interpretation.
It is nice couples point that i called nonsense because they ended up saying to do the same thing i sugested and they had chosen to argue against whilst being totally contradictory along the way.
You did however agree with them and try to confirm their response whilst at the same time trying to belittle me, infer i am blinkered, aggressive and have a chip on my shoulder whilst refusing to acknowledge these traits in your replies.
I agreed with the point that we don’t have all the facts. I never affirmed an action to take. I called your point daft if you were answering as if there was no potential for the “facts” to be wrong and telling others that the person had to be a cheat as the first woman’s stance and right was not to be challenged (there were so many ways it could be even taken the OP post as absolute fact!), and you then in response to me confirmed that your advice was based on the facts being absolute - that made sense putting in that qualifier (as Steelheels just has) although I don’t necessarily agree other than it is your opinion of advice for the OP. But you then went on to immediately state that there was no potential for the facts to not be interpreted differently, which I disagree and your posts throughout the thread have suggested only your opinion is right when it’s just an opinion afterall.
Well the facts are the op has been told by friend 1 the relationship is exclusive, he knows it isn`t.
It is not an assumption by him, it has been proven by the fact he has witnessed the guy texting the other woman whilst at the first womans house. Unless you are calling the op a liar these facts are absoloute. "Well if you want a willy-wang of pedancy then “decided to be exclusive and are becoming a couple...” how do we know *when* the exclusivity is started or starting? | |||
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"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude.
I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons.
Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory.
Everyone else’s point that doesn’t agree with you is nonsense.
No, just the ones that end up agreeing with the point they chose to argue against and don`t see or admit it.
But what point have I agreed with and argued against? I’ve not confirmed any view point as being the correct one other than all the stance is based on interpretation.
It is nice couples point that i called nonsense because they ended up saying to do the same thing i sugested and they had chosen to argue against whilst being totally contradictory along the way.
You did however agree with them and try to confirm their response whilst at the same time trying to belittle me, infer i am blinkered, aggressive and have a chip on my shoulder whilst refusing to acknowledge these traits in your replies.
I agreed with the point that we don’t have all the facts. I never affirmed an action to take. I called your point daft if you were answering as if there was no potential for the “facts” to be wrong and telling others that the person had to be a cheat as the first woman’s stance and right was not to be challenged (there were so many ways it could be even taken the OP post as absolute fact!), and you then in response to me confirmed that your advice was based on the facts being absolute - that made sense putting in that qualifier (as Steelheels just has) although I don’t necessarily agree other than it is your opinion of advice for the OP. But you then went on to immediately state that there was no potential for the facts to not be interpreted differently, which I disagree and your posts throughout the thread have suggested only your opinion is right when it’s just an opinion afterall.
Well the facts are the op has been told by friend 1 the relationship is exclusive, he knows it isn`t.
It is not an assumption by him, it has been proven by the fact he has witnessed the guy texting the other woman whilst at the first womans house. Unless you are calling the op a liar these facts are absoloute.
Well if you want a willy-wang of pedancy then “decided to be exclusive and are becoming a couple...” how do we know *when* the exclusivity is started or starting? "It is fair to assume that the decision was before last night otherwise the op wouldn`t have an issue or cause to make this thread. | |||
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"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude.
I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons.
Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory.
Everyone else’s point that doesn’t agree with you is nonsense.
No, just the ones that end up agreeing with the point they chose to argue against and don`t see or admit it.
But what point have I agreed with and argued against? I’ve not confirmed any view point as being the correct one other than all the stance is based on interpretation.
It is nice couples point that i called nonsense because they ended up saying to do the same thing i sugested and they had chosen to argue against whilst being totally contradictory along the way.
You did however agree with them and try to confirm their response whilst at the same time trying to belittle me, infer i am blinkered, aggressive and have a chip on my shoulder whilst refusing to acknowledge these traits in your replies.
I agreed with the point that we don’t have all the facts. I never affirmed an action to take. I called your point daft if you were answering as if there was no potential for the “facts” to be wrong and telling others that the person had to be a cheat as the first woman’s stance and right was not to be challenged (there were so many ways it could be even taken the OP post as absolute fact!), and you then in response to me confirmed that your advice was based on the facts being absolute - that made sense putting in that qualifier (as Steelheels just has) although I don’t necessarily agree other than it is your opinion of advice for the OP. But you then went on to immediately state that there was no potential for the facts to not be interpreted differently, which I disagree and your posts throughout the thread have suggested only your opinion is right when it’s just an opinion afterall.
Well the facts are the op has been told by friend 1 the relationship is exclusive, he knows it isn`t.
It is not an assumption by him, it has been proven by the fact he has witnessed the guy texting the other woman whilst at the first womans house. Unless you are calling the op a liar these facts are absoloute.
Well if you want a willy-wang of pedancy then “decided to be exclusive and are becoming a couple...” how do we know *when* the exclusivity is started or starting?
It is fair to assume that the decision was before last night otherwise the op wouldn`t have an issue or cause to make this thread."But that’s exactly my point, its an assumption fair or otherwise. | |||
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"I know this is fun and adults but just want some general advice...... Your female friend is seeing a guy.....she is saying they have decided to be exclusive and are becoming a couple..... Another female friend seperate from the first meets a guy and it turns out to be the same guy as your first friend is seeing and beleiving to be exclusive with...... Do you tell the first friend her guy is meeting other women without her knowledge or agreement? " Yes I would want to know. I hate living in ignorance. Best being honest so that you can deal with the situation and then move on. You aren't a true friend unless you say something x | |||
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"I'm well aware that my opinion on the "do I tell or not" debate is deeply unpopular and deemed to reflect badly on my ability to be a true friend. They are however considered and highly likely to be a reflection of my attitude to my own primary relationship which I don't believe to be anything to do with my friends." Everyone’s opinion is based on that (their own projection) and is as right and fair as the next person’s. | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude.
I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons.
Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory.
Everyone else’s point that doesn’t agree with you is nonsense.
No, just the ones that end up agreeing with the point they chose to argue against and don`t see or admit it.
But what point have I agreed with and argued against? I’ve not confirmed any view point as being the correct one other than all the stance is based on interpretation.
It is nice couples point that i called nonsense because they ended up saying to do the same thing i sugested and they had chosen to argue against whilst being totally contradictory along the way.
You did however agree with them and try to confirm their response whilst at the same time trying to belittle me, infer i am blinkered, aggressive and have a chip on my shoulder whilst refusing to acknowledge these traits in your replies.
I agreed with the point that we don’t have all the facts. I never affirmed an action to take. I called your point daft if you were answering as if there was no potential for the “facts” to be wrong and telling others that the person had to be a cheat as the first woman’s stance and right was not to be challenged (there were so many ways it could be even taken the OP post as absolute fact!), and you then in response to me confirmed that your advice was based on the facts being absolute - that made sense putting in that qualifier (as Steelheels just has) although I don’t necessarily agree other than it is your opinion of advice for the OP. But you then went on to immediately state that there was no potential for the facts to not be interpreted differently, which I disagree and your posts throughout the thread have suggested only your opinion is right when it’s just an opinion afterall.
Well the facts are the op has been told by friend 1 the relationship is exclusive, he knows it isn`t.
It is not an assumption by him, it has been proven by the fact he has witnessed the guy texting the other woman whilst at the first womans house. Unless you are calling the op a liar these facts are absoloute.
Well if you want a willy-wang of pedancy then “decided to be exclusive and are becoming a couple...” how do we know *when* the exclusivity is started or starting?
It is fair to assume that the decision was before last night otherwise the op wouldn`t have an issue or cause to make this thread.
But that’s exactly my point, its an assumption fair or otherwise. "I only said assumption because the exact time it was said is unknown to me. However it is an absolute fact that the decision on exclusivity was made before the cheating guy decided to text friend 2 last night after seeing friend 1 and after friend 1 has told op it is exclusive. Therefore your `point` still doesn`t have relevance and is just and argument in semantics. | |||
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"I personally would like to know if the person I am committed to is seeing someone else. Yes I know, I'm on a swingers site, but if it's a true friend she needs to know the truth. If you've been hurt before through a cheated relationship then you know where I'm coming from But what is the truth? That he is seeing other women when she thinks he isn`t. How many of the people saying keep quiet would be happy if they found out there partner had been cheating and their friend knew but didn`t tell them? " They would never know! I have enough drama in my own life. I don't know what I feel in my relationship one day to the next, so I wouldn't be presumptuous about other peoples. I don't get involved in other peoples relationship full stop and I'd be pissed off and annoyed if someone interfered in mine. | |||
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"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude.
I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons.
Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory.
Everyone else’s point that doesn’t agree with you is nonsense.
No, just the ones that end up agreeing with the point they chose to argue against and don`t see or admit it.
But what point have I agreed with and argued against? I’ve not confirmed any view point as being the correct one other than all the stance is based on interpretation.
It is nice couples point that i called nonsense because they ended up saying to do the same thing i sugested and they had chosen to argue against whilst being totally contradictory along the way.
You did however agree with them and try to confirm their response whilst at the same time trying to belittle me, infer i am blinkered, aggressive and have a chip on my shoulder whilst refusing to acknowledge these traits in your replies.
I agreed with the point that we don’t have all the facts. I never affirmed an action to take. I called your point daft if you were answering as if there was no potential for the “facts” to be wrong and telling others that the person had to be a cheat as the first woman’s stance and right was not to be challenged (there were so many ways it could be even taken the OP post as absolute fact!), and you then in response to me confirmed that your advice was based on the facts being absolute - that made sense putting in that qualifier (as Steelheels just has) although I don’t necessarily agree other than it is your opinion of advice for the OP. But you then went on to immediately state that there was no potential for the facts to not be interpreted differently, which I disagree and your posts throughout the thread have suggested only your opinion is right when it’s just an opinion afterall.
Well the facts are the op has been told by friend 1 the relationship is exclusive, he knows it isn`t.
It is not an assumption by him, it has been proven by the fact he has witnessed the guy texting the other woman whilst at the first womans house. Unless you are calling the op a liar these facts are absoloute.
Well if you want a willy-wang of pedancy then “decided to be exclusive and are becoming a couple...” how do we know *when* the exclusivity is started or starting?
It is fair to assume that the decision was before last night otherwise the op wouldn`t have an issue or cause to make this thread.
But that’s exactly my point, its an assumption fair or otherwise.
I only said assumption because the exact time it was said is unknown to me. However it is an absolute fact that the decision on exclusivity was made before the cheating guy decided to text friend 2 last night after seeing friend 1 and after friend 1 has told op it is exclusive. Therefore your `point` still doesn`t have relevance and is just and argument in semantics. "Again, not necessarily. You can decide to be exclusive and agree it isn’t starting immediately. I’m arguing semantics because you’re so unwilling to accept that all your points are based on how you’ve chosen to read the situation with not even a possibility you (gasp) might be wrong. I’m not saying you are or aren’t wrong just that you cannot be 100% sure. You can’t and I’m sorry that grates. | |||
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"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude.
I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons.
Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory.
Everyone else’s point that doesn’t agree with you is nonsense.
No, just the ones that end up agreeing with the point they chose to argue against and don`t see or admit it.
But what point have I agreed with and argued against? I’ve not confirmed any view point as being the correct one other than all the stance is based on interpretation.
It is nice couples point that i called nonsense because they ended up saying to do the same thing i sugested and they had chosen to argue against whilst being totally contradictory along the way.
You did however agree with them and try to confirm their response whilst at the same time trying to belittle me, infer i am blinkered, aggressive and have a chip on my shoulder whilst refusing to acknowledge these traits in your replies.
I agreed with the point that we don’t have all the facts. I never affirmed an action to take. I called your point daft if you were answering as if there was no potential for the “facts” to be wrong and telling others that the person had to be a cheat as the first woman’s stance and right was not to be challenged (there were so many ways it could be even taken the OP post as absolute fact!), and you then in response to me confirmed that your advice was based on the facts being absolute - that made sense putting in that qualifier (as Steelheels just has) although I don’t necessarily agree other than it is your opinion of advice for the OP. But you then went on to immediately state that there was no potential for the facts to not be interpreted differently, which I disagree and your posts throughout the thread have suggested only your opinion is right when it’s just an opinion afterall.
Well the facts are the op has been told by friend 1 the relationship is exclusive, he knows it isn`t.
It is not an assumption by him, it has been proven by the fact he has witnessed the guy texting the other woman whilst at the first womans house. Unless you are calling the op a liar these facts are absoloute.
Well if you want a willy-wang of pedancy then “decided to be exclusive and are becoming a couple...” how do we know *when* the exclusivity is started or starting?
It is fair to assume that the decision was before last night otherwise the op wouldn`t have an issue or cause to make this thread.
But that’s exactly my point, its an assumption fair or otherwise.
I only said assumption because the exact time it was said is unknown to me. However it is an absolute fact that the decision on exclusivity was made before the cheating guy decided to text friend 2 last night after seeing friend 1 and after friend 1 has told op it is exclusive. Therefore your `point` still doesn`t have relevance and is just and argument in semantics.
Again, not necessarily. You can decide to be exclusive and agree it isn’t starting immediately. I’m arguing semantics because you’re so unwilling to accept that all your points are based on how you’ve chosen to read the situation with not even a possibility you (gasp) might be wrong. I’m not saying you are or aren’t wrong just that you cannot be 100% sure. You can’t and I’m sorry that grates. "Far from it, your posts are trying to justify your personal slant and misappropriated assumptions to a simple question that needed a simple answer. You are assuming an alternative truth that contrasts with the information the op has provided whilst trying to add in erroneous "facts" of your own. | |||
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"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude.
I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons.
Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory.
Everyone else’s point that doesn’t agree with you is nonsense.
No, just the ones that end up agreeing with the point they chose to argue against and don`t see or admit it.
But what point have I agreed with and argued against? I’ve not confirmed any view point as being the correct one other than all the stance is based on interpretation.
It is nice couples point that i called nonsense because they ended up saying to do the same thing i sugested and they had chosen to argue against whilst being totally contradictory along the way.
You did however agree with them and try to confirm their response whilst at the same time trying to belittle me, infer i am blinkered, aggressive and have a chip on my shoulder whilst refusing to acknowledge these traits in your replies.
I agreed with the point that we don’t have all the facts. I never affirmed an action to take. I called your point daft if you were answering as if there was no potential for the “facts” to be wrong and telling others that the person had to be a cheat as the first woman’s stance and right was not to be challenged (there were so many ways it could be even taken the OP post as absolute fact!), and you then in response to me confirmed that your advice was based on the facts being absolute - that made sense putting in that qualifier (as Steelheels just has) although I don’t necessarily agree other than it is your opinion of advice for the OP. But you then went on to immediately state that there was no potential for the facts to not be interpreted differently, which I disagree and your posts throughout the thread have suggested only your opinion is right when it’s just an opinion afterall.
Well the facts are the op has been told by friend 1 the relationship is exclusive, he knows it isn`t.
It is not an assumption by him, it has been proven by the fact he has witnessed the guy texting the other woman whilst at the first womans house. Unless you are calling the op a liar these facts are absoloute.
Well if you want a willy-wang of pedancy then “decided to be exclusive and are becoming a couple...” how do we know *when* the exclusivity is started or starting?
It is fair to assume that the decision was before last night otherwise the op wouldn`t have an issue or cause to make this thread.
But that’s exactly my point, its an assumption fair or otherwise.
I only said assumption because the exact time it was said is unknown to me. However it is an absolute fact that the decision on exclusivity was made before the cheating guy decided to text friend 2 last night after seeing friend 1 and after friend 1 has told op it is exclusive. Therefore your `point` still doesn`t have relevance and is just and argument in semantics.
Again, not necessarily. You can decide to be exclusive and agree it isn’t starting immediately. I’m arguing semantics because you’re so unwilling to accept that all your points are based on how you’ve chosen to read the situation with not even a possibility you (gasp) might be wrong. I’m not saying you are or aren’t wrong just that you cannot be 100% sure. You can’t and I’m sorry that grates.
Far from it, your posts are trying to justify your personal slant and misappropriated assumptions to a simple question that needed a simple answer.
You are assuming an alternative truth that contrasts with the information the op has provided whilst trying to add in erroneous "facts" of your own.
"Sorry, please tell me what my personal slant is? I’ve absolutely not stated what I would do. I’m playing devil’s advocate at your inflexibility and pomposity | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude.
I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons.
Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory.
Everyone else’s point that doesn’t agree with you is nonsense.
No, just the ones that end up agreeing with the point they chose to argue against and don`t see or admit it.
But what point have I agreed with and argued against? I’ve not confirmed any view point as being the correct one other than all the stance is based on interpretation.
It is nice couples point that i called nonsense because they ended up saying to do the same thing i sugested and they had chosen to argue against whilst being totally contradictory along the way.
You did however agree with them and try to confirm their response whilst at the same time trying to belittle me, infer i am blinkered, aggressive and have a chip on my shoulder whilst refusing to acknowledge these traits in your replies.
I agreed with the point that we don’t have all the facts. I never affirmed an action to take. I called your point daft if you were answering as if there was no potential for the “facts” to be wrong and telling others that the person had to be a cheat as the first woman’s stance and right was not to be challenged (there were so many ways it could be even taken the OP post as absolute fact!), and you then in response to me confirmed that your advice was based on the facts being absolute - that made sense putting in that qualifier (as Steelheels just has) although I don’t necessarily agree other than it is your opinion of advice for the OP. But you then went on to immediately state that there was no potential for the facts to not be interpreted differently, which I disagree and your posts throughout the thread have suggested only your opinion is right when it’s just an opinion afterall.
Well the facts are the op has been told by friend 1 the relationship is exclusive, he knows it isn`t.
It is not an assumption by him, it has been proven by the fact he has witnessed the guy texting the other woman whilst at the first womans house. Unless you are calling the op a liar these facts are absoloute.
Well if you want a willy-wang of pedancy then “decided to be exclusive and are becoming a couple...” how do we know *when* the exclusivity is started or starting?
It is fair to assume that the decision was before last night otherwise the op wouldn`t have an issue or cause to make this thread.
But that’s exactly my point, its an assumption fair or otherwise.
I only said assumption because the exact time it was said is unknown to me. However it is an absolute fact that the decision on exclusivity was made before the cheating guy decided to text friend 2 last night after seeing friend 1 and after friend 1 has told op it is exclusive. Therefore your `point` still doesn`t have relevance and is just and argument in semantics.
Again, not necessarily. You can decide to be exclusive and agree it isn’t starting immediately. I’m arguing semantics because you’re so unwilling to accept that all your points are based on how you’ve chosen to read the situation with not even a possibility you (gasp) might be wrong. I’m not saying you are or aren’t wrong just that you cannot be 100% sure. You can’t and I’m sorry that grates.
Far from it, your posts are trying to justify your personal slant and misappropriated assumptions to a simple question that needed a simple answer.
You are assuming an alternative truth that contrasts with the information the op has provided whilst trying to add in erroneous "facts" of your own.
Sorry, please tell me what my personal slant is? I’ve absolutely not stated what I would do. I’m playing devil’s advocate at your inflexibility and pomposity "And that is your slant, aswell as another misappropriated "fact". | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude.
I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons.
Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory.
Everyone else’s point that doesn’t agree with you is nonsense.
No, just the ones that end up agreeing with the point they chose to argue against and don`t see or admit it.
But what point have I agreed with and argued against? I’ve not confirmed any view point as being the correct one other than all the stance is based on interpretation.
It is nice couples point that i called nonsense because they ended up saying to do the same thing i sugested and they had chosen to argue against whilst being totally contradictory along the way.
You did however agree with them and try to confirm their response whilst at the same time trying to belittle me, infer i am blinkered, aggressive and have a chip on my shoulder whilst refusing to acknowledge these traits in your replies.
I agreed with the point that we don’t have all the facts. I never affirmed an action to take. I called your point daft if you were answering as if there was no potential for the “facts” to be wrong and telling others that the person had to be a cheat as the first woman’s stance and right was not to be challenged (there were so many ways it could be even taken the OP post as absolute fact!), and you then in response to me confirmed that your advice was based on the facts being absolute - that made sense putting in that qualifier (as Steelheels just has) although I don’t necessarily agree other than it is your opinion of advice for the OP. But you then went on to immediately state that there was no potential for the facts to not be interpreted differently, which I disagree and your posts throughout the thread have suggested only your opinion is right when it’s just an opinion afterall.
Well the facts are the op has been told by friend 1 the relationship is exclusive, he knows it isn`t.
It is not an assumption by him, it has been proven by the fact he has witnessed the guy texting the other woman whilst at the first womans house. Unless you are calling the op a liar these facts are absoloute.
Well if you want a willy-wang of pedancy then “decided to be exclusive and are becoming a couple...” how do we know *when* the exclusivity is started or starting?
It is fair to assume that the decision was before last night otherwise the op wouldn`t have an issue or cause to make this thread.
But that’s exactly my point, its an assumption fair or otherwise.
I only said assumption because the exact time it was said is unknown to me. However it is an absolute fact that the decision on exclusivity was made before the cheating guy decided to text friend 2 last night after seeing friend 1 and after friend 1 has told op it is exclusive. Therefore your `point` still doesn`t have relevance and is just and argument in semantics.
Again, not necessarily. You can decide to be exclusive and agree it isn’t starting immediately. I’m arguing semantics because you’re so unwilling to accept that all your points are based on how you’ve chosen to read the situation with not even a possibility you (gasp) might be wrong. I’m not saying you are or aren’t wrong just that you cannot be 100% sure. You can’t and I’m sorry that grates.
Far from it, your posts are trying to justify your personal slant and misappropriated assumptions to a simple question that needed a simple answer.
You are assuming an alternative truth that contrasts with the information the op has provided whilst trying to add in erroneous "facts" of your own.
Sorry, please tell me what my personal slant is? I’ve absolutely not stated what I would do. I’m playing devil’s advocate at your inflexibility and pomposity
And that is your slant, aswell as another misappropriated "fact"."Ahhh. Yep. In your opinion | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude.
I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons.
Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory.
Everyone else’s point that doesn’t agree with you is nonsense.
No, just the ones that end up agreeing with the point they chose to argue against and don`t see or admit it.
But what point have I agreed with and argued against? I’ve not confirmed any view point as being the correct one other than all the stance is based on interpretation.
It is nice couples point that i called nonsense because they ended up saying to do the same thing i sugested and they had chosen to argue against whilst being totally contradictory along the way.
You did however agree with them and try to confirm their response whilst at the same time trying to belittle me, infer i am blinkered, aggressive and have a chip on my shoulder whilst refusing to acknowledge these traits in your replies.
I agreed with the point that we don’t have all the facts. I never affirmed an action to take. I called your point daft if you were answering as if there was no potential for the “facts” to be wrong and telling others that the person had to be a cheat as the first woman’s stance and right was not to be challenged (there were so many ways it could be even taken the OP post as absolute fact!), and you then in response to me confirmed that your advice was based on the facts being absolute - that made sense putting in that qualifier (as Steelheels just has) although I don’t necessarily agree other than it is your opinion of advice for the OP. But you then went on to immediately state that there was no potential for the facts to not be interpreted differently, which I disagree and your posts throughout the thread have suggested only your opinion is right when it’s just an opinion afterall.
Well the facts are the op has been told by friend 1 the relationship is exclusive, he knows it isn`t.
It is not an assumption by him, it has been proven by the fact he has witnessed the guy texting the other woman whilst at the first womans house. Unless you are calling the op a liar these facts are absoloute.
Well if you want a willy-wang of pedancy then “decided to be exclusive and are becoming a couple...” how do we know *when* the exclusivity is started or starting?
It is fair to assume that the decision was before last night otherwise the op wouldn`t have an issue or cause to make this thread.
But that’s exactly my point, its an assumption fair or otherwise.
I only said assumption because the exact time it was said is unknown to me. However it is an absolute fact that the decision on exclusivity was made before the cheating guy decided to text friend 2 last night after seeing friend 1 and after friend 1 has told op it is exclusive. Therefore your `point` still doesn`t have relevance and is just and argument in semantics.
Again, not necessarily. You can decide to be exclusive and agree it isn’t starting immediately. I’m arguing semantics because you’re so unwilling to accept that all your points are based on how you’ve chosen to read the situation with not even a possibility you (gasp) might be wrong. I’m not saying you are or aren’t wrong just that you cannot be 100% sure. You can’t and I’m sorry that grates.
Far from it, your posts are trying to justify your personal slant and misappropriated assumptions to a simple question that needed a simple answer.
You are assuming an alternative truth that contrasts with the information the op has provided whilst trying to add in erroneous "facts" of your own.
Sorry, please tell me what my personal slant is? I’ve absolutely not stated what I would do. I’m playing devil’s advocate at your inflexibility and pomposity
And that is your slant, aswell as another misappropriated "fact".
Ahhh. Yep. In your opinion "
Yep, it`s my opinion. However it is based on fact,not least because you have just stated it in your reply. I know that may be a bit too black and white for you so maybe i should see it in grey and assume that you may just be saying whatever you think will stubbornly prove your inflexible point? Or could it be your way of flirting with me? or maybe you are just bitter about something i said?
Who knows eh? Hard work this grey veiwing, i much prefer to stick to the facts. | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
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Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
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Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude.
I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons.
Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory.
Everyone else’s point that doesn’t agree with you is nonsense.
No, just the ones that end up agreeing with the point they chose to argue against and don`t see or admit it.
But what point have I agreed with and argued against? I’ve not confirmed any view point as being the correct one other than all the stance is based on interpretation.
It is nice couples point that i called nonsense because they ended up saying to do the same thing i sugested and they had chosen to argue against whilst being totally contradictory along the way.
You did however agree with them and try to confirm their response whilst at the same time trying to belittle me, infer i am blinkered, aggressive and have a chip on my shoulder whilst refusing to acknowledge these traits in your replies.
I agreed with the point that we don’t have all the facts. I never affirmed an action to take. I called your point daft if you were answering as if there was no potential for the “facts” to be wrong and telling others that the person had to be a cheat as the first woman’s stance and right was not to be challenged (there were so many ways it could be even taken the OP post as absolute fact!), and you then in response to me confirmed that your advice was based on the facts being absolute - that made sense putting in that qualifier (as Steelheels just has) although I don’t necessarily agree other than it is your opinion of advice for the OP. But you then went on to immediately state that there was no potential for the facts to not be interpreted differently, which I disagree and your posts throughout the thread have suggested only your opinion is right when it’s just an opinion afterall.
Well the facts are the op has been told by friend 1 the relationship is exclusive, he knows it isn`t.
It is not an assumption by him, it has been proven by the fact he has witnessed the guy texting the other woman whilst at the first womans house. Unless you are calling the op a liar these facts are absoloute.
Well if you want a willy-wang of pedancy then “decided to be exclusive and are becoming a couple...” how do we know *when* the exclusivity is started or starting?
It is fair to assume that the decision was before last night otherwise the op wouldn`t have an issue or cause to make this thread.
But that’s exactly my point, its an assumption fair or otherwise.
I only said assumption because the exact time it was said is unknown to me. However it is an absolute fact that the decision on exclusivity was made before the cheating guy decided to text friend 2 last night after seeing friend 1 and after friend 1 has told op it is exclusive. Therefore your `point` still doesn`t have relevance and is just and argument in semantics.
Again, not necessarily. You can decide to be exclusive and agree it isn’t starting immediately. I’m arguing semantics because you’re so unwilling to accept that all your points are based on how you’ve chosen to read the situation with not even a possibility you (gasp) might be wrong. I’m not saying you are or aren’t wrong just that you cannot be 100% sure. You can’t and I’m sorry that grates.
Far from it, your posts are trying to justify your personal slant and misappropriated assumptions to a simple question that needed a simple answer.
You are assuming an alternative truth that contrasts with the information the op has provided whilst trying to add in erroneous "facts" of your own.
Sorry, please tell me what my personal slant is? I’ve absolutely not stated what I would do. I’m playing devil’s advocate at your inflexibility and pomposity
And that is your slant, aswell as another misappropriated "fact".
Ahhh. Yep. In your opinion
Yep, it`s my opinion. However it is based on fact,not least because you have just stated it in your reply. I know that may be a bit too black and white for you so maybe i should see it in grey and assume that you may just be saying whatever you think will stubbornly prove your inflexible point? Or could it be your way of flirting with me? or maybe you are just bitter about something i said?
Who knows eh? Hard work this grey veiwing, i much prefer to stick to the facts."Schrödinger‘s cat must fuck you up! You could ask me rather than make assumptions. But I fear you like to make your own facts and interpret everything to fit them. Ah well. | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Hopefully not quote every frigging comment made when he answers . " x | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Hopefully not quote every frigging comment made when he answers . x" takes too long to delete out on my phone  | |||
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |||
"Why has the solution got to be that he tells her? Why not speak to the guy? Why not chat to friend 2 and suggest she tells the guy what they both suspect? They are close enough to be sitting together telling each other about the texts they're receiving from friend 1 and then discussing them on the net. Why make a drama from something that could have been resolved by two people in minutes? How is that being a true friend? Either tell her or keep out. My vote is for keep out. For someone that 100% wants their freinds to keep out of their relationship i find it odd and contradictory that you suggest he speaks to the guy. Secondly, what is speaking to the guy actually going to acheive other than pre warning him that he is rumbled and give him chance to make up more lies? Also, you are assuming that op and woman 2 are discussing the situation when he has said nothing to infer this in his posts. The fact he is asking here suggests he is not discussing it with friend 2. How do you think this could be resolved by two people, in minutes? I would guess that you mean by talking to the other guy, however you then go on to say "tell her or keep out" and as i already said, the other guy can`t be trusted so talking to him wont achieve much other than actually interfering in the relationship. Something you are "100%" against. It is simple, a true friend doesn`t stand by and watch their friend(s) get hurt, used or taken the piss out of. They dont keep secrets and they don`t put their self interest before their responsibility they have as a friend. I'm not suggesting he speaks to the guy I'm asking why many responses are that he should tell his friend. The guy is obviously conflicted why have only two solutions been put forward. Tell her or not when there's a third or even fourth. I assumed friend 2 and op were discussing the situation because they were together and he knew the contents of text messages between her and the guy. I was suggesting the ops dilemma could be resolved in minutes by two people...because it could. He's conflicted all he needs do is talk to one or the other of the couple and he's conflicted no longer. True friends don't listen to strangers on the net who make their mind up about people they don't know based on hearsay. So basically, you are advising them to do exactly as i suggested, but berating me for suggesting it? Chip. Shoulder.
Why is it a chip on my shoulder to point out the contradictions being displayed in this thread?
Because you are missing the point that nicecouple and you both said you’d do differing things (your initial posts) and are trying to push everyone into accepting your point as the only right. I find it a bit of an aggressive attitude.
I am not missing the point, i am saying that the point is nonsense. I am also not pushing my point, i am debating it and giving my reasons.
Feel free to find this aggressive. Its not, but if you want to assume and interpret it this way don`t be surprised if i assume and interpret it to be contradictory.
Everyone else’s point that doesn’t agree with you is nonsense.
No, just the ones that end up agreeing with the point they chose to argue against and don`t see or admit it.
But what point have I agreed with and argued against? I’ve not confirmed any view point as being the correct one other than all the stance is based on interpretation.
It is nice couples point that i called nonsense because they ended up saying to do the same thing i sugested and they had chosen to argue against whilst being totally contradictory along the way.
You did however agree with them and try to confirm their response whilst at the same time trying to belittle me, infer i am blinkered, aggressive and have a chip on my shoulder whilst refusing to acknowledge these traits in your replies.
I agreed with the point that we don’t have all the facts. I never affirmed an action to take. I called your point daft if you were answering as if there was no potential for the “facts” to be wrong and telling others that the person had to be a cheat as the first woman’s stance and right was not to be challenged (there were so many ways it could be even taken the OP post as absolute fact!), and you then in response to me confirmed that your advice was based on the facts being absolute - that made sense putting in that qualifier (as Steelheels just has) although I don’t necessarily agree other than it is your opinion of advice for the OP. But you then went on to immediately state that there was no potential for the facts to not be interpreted differently, which I disagree and your posts throughout the thread have suggested only your opinion is right when it’s just an opinion afterall.
Well the facts are the op has been told by friend 1 the relationship is exclusive, he knows it isn`t.
It is not an assumption by him, it has been proven by the fact he has witnessed the guy texting the other woman whilst at the first womans house. Unless you are calling the op a liar these facts are absoloute.
Well if you want a willy-wang of pedancy then “decided to be exclusive and are becoming a couple...” how do we know *when* the exclusivity is started or starting?
It is fair to assume that the decision was before last night otherwise the op wouldn`t have an issue or cause to make this thread.
But that’s exactly my point, its an assumption fair or otherwise.
I only said assumption because the exact time it was said is unknown to me. However it is an absolute fact that the decision on exclusivity was made before the cheating guy decided to text friend 2 last night after seeing friend 1 and after friend 1 has told op it is exclusive. Therefore your `point` still doesn`t have relevance and is just and argument in semantics.
Again, not necessarily. You can decide to be exclusive and agree it isn’t starting immediately. I’m arguing semantics because you’re so unwilling to accept that all your points are based on how you’ve chosen to read the situation with not even a possibility you (gasp) might be wrong. I’m not saying you are or aren’t wrong just that you cannot be 100% sure. You can’t and I’m sorry that grates.
Far from it, your posts are trying to justify your personal slant and misappropriated assumptions to a simple question that needed a simple answer.
You are assuming an alternative truth that contrasts with the information the op has provided whilst trying to add in erroneous "facts" of your own.
Sorry, please tell me what my personal slant is? I’ve absolutely not stated what I would do. I’m playing devil’s advocate at your inflexibility and pomposity
And that is your slant, aswell as another misappropriated "fact".
Ahhh. Yep. In your opinion
Yep, it`s my opinion. However it is based on fact,not least because you have just stated it in your reply. I know that may be a bit too black and white for you so maybe i should see it in grey and assume that you may just be saying whatever you think will stubbornly prove your inflexible point? Or could it be your way of flirting with me? or maybe you are just bitter about something i said?
Who knows eh? Hard work this grey veiwing, i much prefer to stick to the facts.
Schrödinger‘s cat must fuck you up!
You could ask me rather than make assumptions. But I fear you like to make your own facts and interpret everything to fit them. Ah well. "Not at all, Whether i think the cat is alive or not has no bearing on whether the cat is actually alive or not. The facts can give you the most likley answer and will ultimately influence your decision. If the cats is making a noise it is obviously alive so there is no grey area and to beleive it is dead even though you can hear it would be nonsense. If the cat is locked in a box with no air to breathe then it would be logical to assume that after a day with no oxygen it will be dead. If it has air but isn`t making any noise then you cant be sure either way and need to do something to find out. There is a place for grey thinking, to do it in the face of facts is an example of grey thinking actually being more black and white where you assume that grey thinking is always the right answer. As is assuming someone can only think in black and white and assuming that grey thinking is alays superior. By doing so you are actually ignoring the nuances of each situation and by calling someone pompous, inflexible etc without considering the "grey area" you are ignoring your own preachings and showing your own narcissism. My thinking is not black and white. It is logical and considered. I entered into a debate about this topic and gave my opinions and reasons. Of course i think that my stance is the right one, as do you however that doesn`t mean i am not open to being shown to be wrong. You have assumed and accused me of being otherwise and expected me to accept your opinion but failed to give me any reason to. | |||
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" Of course i think that my stance is the right one, as do you however that doesn`t mean i am not open to being shown to be wrong. You have assumed and accused me of being otherwise and expected me to accept your opinion but failed to give me any reason to. " Yes, we disagree if you’re thinking is that you have all the possible facts and hence your advice is the only true way. I am not purporting to *know* all the facts, you are. You can continue to beat your drum, but we disagree. You can continue to make assumptions and accusations too. You still fail to convince me. I find it fascinating that you are unable to own your own passive aggressiveness (you’re doing it too, my whole initial challenge to you was because you were being so inflexible to another’s view that I wanted to highlight it. I’m merely playing out your responses. | |||
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"I would invite friend 1 and the man out for a drink, and ask friend 2 to come along later. Assuming friend 2 doesn't know that the man is in a relationship with friend 1, I would like to see how he copes. In reality, I only have a couple of actual friends, who I have known for years, and it would be a terrible secret to keep from a friend. She would deserve to know. " | |||
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" Of course i think that my stance is the right one, as do you however that doesn`t mean i am not open to being shown to be wrong. You have assumed and accused me of being otherwise and expected me to accept your opinion but failed to give me any reason to. Yes, we disagree if you’re thinking is that you have all the possible facts and hence your advice is the only true way. I am not purporting to *know* all the facts, you are. You can continue to beat your drum, but we disagree. You can continue to make assumptions and accusations too. You still fail to convince me. I find it fascinating that you are unable to own your own passive aggressiveness (you’re doing it too, my whole initial challenge to you was because you were being so inflexible to another’s view that I wanted to highlight it. I’m merely playing out your responses. "I find it fascinating that you are unable to see the irony of all of your posts making false assumptions of me whilst telling me not to make assumptions. I`m glad that you acknowledge that you are simply being contrary and provocative though. As for facts, I don`t have all of the possible facts, just the necessary one. The guy is seeing someone else when his gf thinks it is exclusive. The op knows and the gf doesn`t. The op asked us if we would tell our friend in that situation, not the situations you have chosen to invent and impose on the conversation for the sake of backing up your mate and shutting me down from having an opinion. For someone that professes expertise in the subject, so much so you start a thread to `prove` it, your responses and input are lacking here and i am sure you dont need me to analyze the narcissism and intent behind such posturing. I am quite happy to discuss it though if you cant see it yourself. | |||
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" Of course i think that my stance is the right one, as do you however that doesn`t mean i am not open to being shown to be wrong. You have assumed and accused me of being otherwise and expected me to accept your opinion but failed to give me any reason to. Yes, we disagree if you’re thinking is that you have all the possible facts and hence your advice is the only true way. I am not purporting to *know* all the facts, you are. You can continue to beat your drum, but we disagree. You can continue to make assumptions and accusations too. You still fail to convince me. I find it fascinating that you are unable to own your own passive aggressiveness (you’re doing it too, my whole initial challenge to you was because you were being so inflexible to another’s view that I wanted to highlight it. I’m merely playing out your responses.
I find it fascinating that you are unable to see the irony of all of your posts making false assumptions of me whilst telling me not to make assumptions. I`m glad that you acknowledge that you are simply being contrary and provocative though.
As for facts, I don`t have all of the possible facts, just the necessary one. The guy is seeing someone else when his gf thinks it is exclusive. The op knows and the gf doesn`t. The op asked us if we would tell our friend in that situation, not the situations you have chosen to invent and impose on the conversation for the sake of backing up your mate and shutting me down from having an opinion.
For someone that professes expertise in the subject, so much so you start a thread to `prove` it, your responses and input are lacking here and i am sure you dont need me to analyze the narcissism and intent behind such posturing.
I am quite happy to discuss it though if you cant see it yourself.
"I’m fully conscious of my intent. You aren’t, but that doesn’t surprise me. You’ve spent the entire thread telling people they’re wrong for having a different opinion to you. I don’t know nicecouple by the way, so again you’re manufacturing evidence to fit things as you see it. At least I can see my irony. You hate being contradicted and yet in declaring absolutes, you set yourself up to be. When have I ever professed to be an expert? I posted an article I was reading and you (interesting you bring in narcissism) decide it’s all about you. Carly Simon springs to mind. You can keep re-telling me your facts but all I have done is challenge that you’ve decided they are immovable facts and they don’t have to be. I’m not arguing the other multitude of things one can do, I merely posit that things aren’t always as black and white as we like to think. You’ve even openly admitted you’re coloured in bias through similar experiences and thus have decided the only thing that’s right to do is tell Friend one, just like someone else posted they’d suggest the absolute opposite ie no involvement due to their experience .
It’s okay for people to have a different view to you. I object to you hounding on people that there is only one right way. It is opinion. Subjective. And all you have done is interpret the facts to support your opinion. I’m simply doing the opposite to show it can be done and that not having all the facts is the actuality. One can give an opinion based on subjective facts but one has to at least acknowledge their subjectivity. Even when you say nicecouple is contradicting it actually isn’t the case, she is still clear in demonstrating there’s more than one option and replying to other posts, she has not changed her stance at all. You seem hellbent in it being your way or the highway.
And for that, I think you’re wrong. | |||
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" Of course i think that my stance is the right one, as do you however that doesn`t mean i am not open to being shown to be wrong. You have assumed and accused me of being otherwise and expected me to accept your opinion but failed to give me any reason to. Yes, we disagree if you’re thinking is that you have all the possible facts and hence your advice is the only true way. I am not purporting to *know* all the facts, you are. You can continue to beat your drum, but we disagree. You can continue to make assumptions and accusations too. You still fail to convince me. I find it fascinating that you are unable to own your own passive aggressiveness (you’re doing it too, my whole initial challenge to you was because you were being so inflexible to another’s view that I wanted to highlight it. I’m merely playing out your responses.
I find it fascinating that you are unable to see the irony of all of your posts making false assumptions of me whilst telling me not to make assumptions. I`m glad that you acknowledge that you are simply being contrary and provocative though.
As for facts, I don`t have all of the possible facts, just the necessary one. The guy is seeing someone else when his gf thinks it is exclusive. The op knows and the gf doesn`t. The op asked us if we would tell our friend in that situation, not the situations you have chosen to invent and impose on the conversation for the sake of backing up your mate and shutting me down from having an opinion.
For someone that professes expertise in the subject, so much so you start a thread to `prove` it, your responses and input are lacking here and i am sure you dont need me to analyze the narcissism and intent behind such posturing.
I am quite happy to discuss it though if you cant see it yourself.
I’m fully conscious of my intent. You aren’t, but that doesn’t surprise me. You’ve spent the entire thread telling people they’re wrong for having a different opinion to you. I don’t know nicecouple by the way, so again you’re manufacturing evidence to fit things as you see it. At least I can see my irony. You hate being contradicted and yet in declaring absolutes, you set yourself up to be.
When have I ever professed to be an expert? I posted an article I was reading and you (interesting you bring in narcissism) decide it’s all about you. Carly Simon springs to mind.
You can keep re-telling me your facts but all I have done is challenge that you’ve decided they are immovable facts and they don’t have to be. I’m not arguing the other multitude of things one can do, I merely posit that things aren’t always as black and white as we like to think.
You’ve even openly admitted you’re coloured in bias through similar experiences and thus have decided the only thing that’s right to do is tell Friend one, just like someone else posted they’d suggest the absolute opposite ie no involvement due to their experience .
It’s okay for people to have a different view to you. I object to you hounding on people that there is only one right way. It is opinion. Subjective. And all you have done is interpret the facts to support your opinion. I’m simply doing the opposite to show it can be done and that not having all the facts is the actuality. One can give an opinion based on subjective facts but one has to at least acknowledge their subjectivity. Even when you say nicecouple is contradicting it actually isn’t the case, she is still clear in demonstrating there’s more than one option and replying to other posts, she has not changed her stance at all. You seem hellbent in it being your way or the highway.
And for that, I think you’re wrong. "I think you will find it is you that is hellbent on proving me wrong and you came to this thread specifically to argue. It is also you that is doing the hounding. You object to me disagreeing with you and are simply being contrary to prove a point. I didn`t hound nicecouple, i responded to their posts with my opinion. I gave my reasons and listened and replied to the responses wheras you have just insulted, accused and assumed. I haven`t told anyone they are wrong, just why i think i am right, if you go back and read the responses it was a reasonable discussion until you came in to insult and accuse me with your petty vendetta. | |||
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" Of course i think that my stance is the right one, as do you however that doesn`t mean i am not open to being shown to be wrong. You have assumed and accused me of being otherwise and expected me to accept your opinion but failed to give me any reason to. Yes, we disagree if you’re thinking is that you have all the possible facts and hence your advice is the only true way. I am not purporting to *know* all the facts, you are. You can continue to beat your drum, but we disagree. You can continue to make assumptions and accusations too. You still fail to convince me. I find it fascinating that you are unable to own your own passive aggressiveness (you’re doing it too, my whole initial challenge to you was because you were being so inflexible to another’s view that I wanted to highlight it. I’m merely playing out your responses.
I find it fascinating that you are unable to see the irony of all of your posts making false assumptions of me whilst telling me not to make assumptions. I`m glad that you acknowledge that you are simply being contrary and provocative though.
As for facts, I don`t have all of the possible facts, just the necessary one. The guy is seeing someone else when his gf thinks it is exclusive. The op knows and the gf doesn`t. The op asked us if we would tell our friend in that situation, not the situations you have chosen to invent and impose on the conversation for the sake of backing up your mate and shutting me down from having an opinion.
For someone that professes expertise in the subject, so much so you start a thread to `prove` it, your responses and input are lacking here and i am sure you dont need me to analyze the narcissism and intent behind such posturing.
I am quite happy to discuss it though if you cant see it yourself.
I’m fully conscious of my intent. You aren’t, but that doesn’t surprise me. You’ve spent the entire thread telling people they’re wrong for having a different opinion to you. I don’t know nicecouple by the way, so again you’re manufacturing evidence to fit things as you see it. At least I can see my irony. You hate being contradicted and yet in declaring absolutes, you set yourself up to be.
When have I ever professed to be an expert? I posted an article I was reading and you (interesting you bring in narcissism) decide it’s all about you. Carly Simon springs to mind.
You can keep re-telling me your facts but all I have done is challenge that you’ve decided they are immovable facts and they don’t have to be. I’m not arguing the other multitude of things one can do, I merely posit that things aren’t always as black and white as we like to think.
You’ve even openly admitted you’re coloured in bias through similar experiences and thus have decided the only thing that’s right to do is tell Friend one, just like someone else posted they’d suggest the absolute opposite ie no involvement due to their experience .
It’s okay for people to have a different view to you. I object to you hounding on people that there is only one right way. It is opinion. Subjective. And all you have done is interpret the facts to support your opinion. I’m simply doing the opposite to show it can be done and that not having all the facts is the actuality. One can give an opinion based on subjective facts but one has to at least acknowledge their subjectivity. Even when you say nicecouple is contradicting it actually isn’t the case, she is still clear in demonstrating there’s more than one option and replying to other posts, she has not changed her stance at all. You seem hellbent in it being your way or the highway.
And for that, I think you’re wrong.
I think you will find it is you that is hellbent on proving me wrong and you came to this thread specifically to argue. It is also you that is doing the hounding.
You object to me disagreeing with you and are simply being contrary to prove a point. I didn`t hound nicecouple, i responded to their posts with my opinion. I gave my reasons and listened and replied to the responses wheras you have just insulted, accused and assumed.
I haven`t told anyone they are wrong, just why i think i am right, if you go back and read the responses it was a reasonable discussion until you came in to insult and accuse me with your petty vendetta."It’s okay that we disagree. I’ve no issue with that. | |||
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" Of course i think that my stance is the right one, as do you however that doesn`t mean i am not open to being shown to be wrong. You have assumed and accused me of being otherwise and expected me to accept your opinion but failed to give me any reason to. Yes, we disagree if you’re thinking is that you have all the possible facts and hence your advice is the only true way. I am not purporting to *know* all the facts, you are. You can continue to beat your drum, but we disagree. You can continue to make assumptions and accusations too. You still fail to convince me. I find it fascinating that you are unable to own your own passive aggressiveness (you’re doing it too, my whole initial challenge to you was because you were being so inflexible to another’s view that I wanted to highlight it. I’m merely playing out your responses.
I find it fascinating that you are unable to see the irony of all of your posts making false assumptions of me whilst telling me not to make assumptions. I`m glad that you acknowledge that you are simply being contrary and provocative though.
As for facts, I don`t have all of the possible facts, just the necessary one. The guy is seeing someone else when his gf thinks it is exclusive. The op knows and the gf doesn`t. The op asked us if we would tell our friend in that situation, not the situations you have chosen to invent and impose on the conversation for the sake of backing up your mate and shutting me down from having an opinion.
For someone that professes expertise in the subject, so much so you start a thread to `prove` it, your responses and input are lacking here and i am sure you dont need me to analyze the narcissism and intent behind such posturing.
I am quite happy to discuss it though if you cant see it yourself.
I’m fully conscious of my intent. You aren’t, but that doesn’t surprise me. You’ve spent the entire thread telling people they’re wrong for having a different opinion to you. I don’t know nicecouple by the way, so again you’re manufacturing evidence to fit things as you see it. At least I can see my irony. You hate being contradicted and yet in declaring absolutes, you set yourself up to be.
When have I ever professed to be an expert? I posted an article I was reading and you (interesting you bring in narcissism) decide it’s all about you. Carly Simon springs to mind.
You can keep re-telling me your facts but all I have done is challenge that you’ve decided they are immovable facts and they don’t have to be. I’m not arguing the other multitude of things one can do, I merely posit that things aren’t always as black and white as we like to think.
You’ve even openly admitted you’re coloured in bias through similar experiences and thus have decided the only thing that’s right to do is tell Friend one, just like someone else posted they’d suggest the absolute opposite ie no involvement due to their experience .
It’s okay for people to have a different view to you. I object to you hounding on people that there is only one right way. It is opinion. Subjective. And all you have done is interpret the facts to support your opinion. I’m simply doing the opposite to show it can be done and that not having all the facts is the actuality. One can give an opinion based on subjective facts but one has to at least acknowledge their subjectivity. Even when you say nicecouple is contradicting it actually isn’t the case, she is still clear in demonstrating there’s more than one option and replying to other posts, she has not changed her stance at all. You seem hellbent in it being your way or the highway.
And for that, I think you’re wrong.
I think you will find it is you that is hellbent on proving me wrong and you came to this thread specifically to argue. It is also you that is doing the hounding.
You object to me disagreeing with you and are simply being contrary to prove a point. I didn`t hound nicecouple, i responded to their posts with my opinion. I gave my reasons and listened and replied to the responses wheras you have just insulted, accused and assumed.
I haven`t told anyone they are wrong, just why i think i am right, if you go back and read the responses it was a reasonable discussion until you came in to insult and accuse me with your petty vendetta.
It’s okay that we disagree. I’ve no issue with that. " | |||
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"Thank fuck for that " | |||
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"So I decided that telling would be for the best..... Got acused if lying, being jealous and a stalker....no she won’t speak to me and had blocked me on fab!! Oh and for you that are wodering the guy is still texting the other friend and declaring he’ll come off here after they’ve met and she’s all he’s interested in. Should have kept stum.......I think but thank you to all who gave their honest advice Xx" Sorry you didn’t have a good outcome from it. I would have said to not say anything as it wasn’t anything to do with you personally. | |||
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