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What to do when someone from your past appears in your life again?
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"Just go for it.x"  | |||
"Personally I wouldn’t go there! It’s easy to put a positive spin on the past, especially if the present is a bit wobbly. Concentrate on getting yourself sorted out first, then give her a bell if you still want to down the line "I thought this. She's not a horrid person, I remember learning in psychology and Biology at college, just after our break up that girls tend to 'date upwards in the social hierarchy' and it's always stuck with me. Hence meeting her, after about a year and a half of my life being on track and progressing, which is now crumbling away, kind of worries me. It's that whole kind of, thing where what if as this comes to light, sh views me not as a friend but as a failure, or in her eyes it lookslike I haven't grown. It's a weird thing to be scared about. | |||
"Personally I wouldn’t go there! It’s easy to put a positive spin on the past, especially if the present is a bit wobbly. Concentrate on getting yourself sorted out first, then give her a bell if you still want to down the line
I thought this. She's not a horrid person, I remember learning in psychology and Biology at college, just after our break up that girls tend to 'date upwards in the social hierarchy' and it's always stuck with me. Hence meeting her, after about a year and a half of my life being on track and progressing, which is now crumbling away, kind of worries me. It's that whole kind of, thing where what if as this comes to light, sh views me not as a friend but as a failure, or in her eyes it lookslike I haven't grown.
It's a weird thing to be scared about."So don't tell her the crumbly bits, just tell her about your successes.  | |||
"She seems to make you doubt yourself/affect your confidence. I'm not sure that's a good thing. You don't have to see her again. You can say you changed your mind. It's your choice, but have your own best interests in mind. Sometimes things in the past are best left there." Yeah, I mean she is not the kind of person who would ever do something malicious, but by her nature, which is as a 'naturally high flyer' who just achieves anything they want, it's kind of difficult not to let it get to you just as things in your own life don't look tooo clear. | |||
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"Could you meet her and be sure in your head that it's just a one off catch up? Ready for any possible rejection? If not I'd agree with everyone else and so don't meet her. " To clarify I should make it clear, I don't think I''d want to date her again, it might have been a while ago, but resentment or upset can resurface quickly from years ago. I still find her attractive and likeable on a psychological level, but I wouldn't want to put my hear t on the line with someone who's had it once before. | |||
"So today I bumped into an old friend. By friend I mean my first proper girl friend from years ago. Looking back on it at the time she was way out of my league, both looks at how good she was at studying/being productive. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't ugly, or overweight, or thick, just a bit scrawny, short, and unorganised. Ultimately I think she broke up with me as she eventually realised that she was a few tracks ahead of me at the time - and obviously girls date up and across the social hierarchy. Anyway we bumped into one another in Leeds today. I thought when we met again I'd find myself on a more level footing with her. I got very fit at uni, lost it a few years back whilst in a rough spot, but have built myself back up. She's still better, still slim yet curvy, pretty, all smiles. She's teacher now, whilst my career is ending due to a project being scrapped due to lack of funds, so I'm close to being down and out. She asked if I wanted to catch up, and in a blind fluster I said yes. I now regret this as in the course of 5 hours I've found myself doubting myself. I do not know if I want to let someone back into my life who was the first to subject me to unreciprocated feelings (eventually), let to me feeling humiliated - though through no ill intent. I'm already feeling as though if I let her in I'll end up being infatuated with her, or, I'll end up viewing myself as a failure in comparison - as I have always struggled with this. Part of me wants to see where it goes, and catch up with someone who before and briefly after our relationship was a good friend, the other part of me wants to run away and avoid all risk. What would you fabbers do. And yes, I'm aware this sounds pathetic, I'm just shaken by how I came across, after trying hard for a long time to build myself back up. " The answer is very simple - ask yourself if you'll regret not meeting up with her again. If the answer is yes, then go for it. | |||
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Good luck
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"You're reflecting your bad feelings about yourself on to her. She isn't making you feel bad...you are. She's asked you as a friendly gesture if you want to catch up. If you can't find it in yourself to meet her on equal terms or your bad feelings about yourself will resurface call her and tell her you're no longer able to meet." Thank you, I needed someone to put it this way. I'm going to call it off, it just isn't a good time. I'd love to catch up but I know I'll end up comparing situations and resenting myself again | |||
"You're reflecting your bad feelings about yourself on to her. She isn't making you feel bad...you are. She's asked you as a friendly gesture if you want to catch up. If you can't find it in yourself to meet her on equal terms or your bad feelings about yourself will resurface call her and tell her you're no longer able to meet. Thank you, I needed someone to put it this way. I'm going to call it off, it just isn't a good time. I'd love to catch up but I know I'll end up comparing situations and resenting myself again" I'm glad it helped. | |||
"You're reflecting your bad feelings about yourself on to her. She isn't making you feel bad...you are. She's asked you as a friendly gesture if you want to catch up. If you can't find it in yourself to meet her on equal terms or your bad feelings about yourself will resurface call her and tell her you're no longer able to meet. Thank you, I needed someone to put it this way. I'm going to call it off, it just isn't a good time. I'd love to catch up but I know I'll end up comparing situations and resenting myself again" Sounds like you could do with some CBT or friendly guidance. Henry Ford once said .... If you think you can, or if you think you can't. You are right. Your life (and mind) are in your control OP. Good luck  xx | |||
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"But how do you know that she hasn’t had her struggles in real life? She may be good at showing the positives it doesn’t mean that she hasn’t had a whole heap of shit piled on her in the last few years? You saw her very briefly and know nothing about her. " Good point.
The Facebook type generation love to show off how well they're doing when the reality is often very different. | |||
"But how do you know that she hasn’t had her struggles in real life? She may be good at showing the positives it doesn’t mean that she hasn’t had a whole heap of shit piled on her in the last few years? You saw her very briefly and know nothing about her. Good point.
The Facebook type generation love to show off how well they're doing when the reality is often very different."True, I know that most of her life since we last spoke has been good - in accordance to facebook as whilst we were back at uni we re-added one another. I'm aware that facebook is a tailor made image of your life, but, I just can't see her struggling in life, she always has been and is a naturally ambitious and hard working person, and it always paid off for her in regards to whatever she put her mind to. I've had severe peaks and trophs in accordance to rough stops when dealing with depression and personal loss. As I said, it's stupid to get worked up over, but very hard no to do so. | |||
"You're reflecting your bad feelings about yourself on to her. She isn't making you feel bad...you are. She's asked you as a friendly gesture if you want to catch up. If you can't find it in yourself to meet her on equal terms or your bad feelings about yourself will resurface call her and tell her you're no longer able to meet. Thank you, I needed someone to put it this way. I'm going to call it off, it just isn't a good time. I'd love to catch up but I know I'll end up comparing situations and resenting myself again Sounds like you could do with some CBT or friendly guidance. Henry Ford once said .... If you think you can, or if you think you can't. You are right. Your life (and mind) are in your control OP. Good luck xx"Haha this morning I actually picked up my old book on CBT method and explanation in a hope to refresh myself. | |||
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"So today I bumped into an old friend. By friend I mean my first proper girl friend from years ago. Looking back on it at the time she was way out of my league, both looks at how good she was at studying/being productive. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't ugly, or overweight, or thick, just a bit scrawny, short, and unorganised. Ultimately I think she broke up with me as she eventually realised that she was a few tracks ahead of me at the time - and obviously girls date up and across the social hierarchy. Anyway we bumped into one another in Leeds today. I thought when we met again I'd find myself on a more level footing with her. I got very fit at uni, lost it a few years back whilst in a rough spot, but have built myself back up. She's still better, still slim yet curvy, pretty, all smiles. She's teacher now, whilst my career is ending due to a project being scrapped due to lack of funds, so I'm close to being down and out. She asked if I wanted to catch up, and in a blind fluster I said yes. I now regret this as in the course of 5 hours I've found myself doubting myself. I do not know if I want to let someone back into my life who was the first to subject me to unreciprocated feelings (eventually), let to me feeling humiliated - though through no ill intent. I'm already feeling as though if I let her in I'll end up being infatuated with her, or, I'll end up viewing myself as a failure in comparison - as I have always struggled with this. Part of me wants to see where it goes, and catch up with someone who before and briefly after our relationship was a good friend, the other part of me wants to run away and avoid all risk. What would you fabbers do. And yes, I'm aware this sounds pathetic, I'm just shaken by how I came across, after trying hard for a long time to build myself back up. " You are out of your depth , the best course of action is to give her my number xxx  | |||
"So today I bumped into an old friend. By friend I mean my first proper girl friend from years ago. Looking back on it at the time she was way out of my league, both looks at how good she was at studying/being productive. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't ugly, or overweight, or thick, just a bit scrawny, short, and unorganised. Ultimately I think she broke up with me as she eventually realised that she was a few tracks ahead of me at the time - and obviously girls date up and across the social hierarchy. Anyway we bumped into one another in Leeds today. I thought when we met again I'd find myself on a more level footing with her. I got very fit at uni, lost it a few years back whilst in a rough spot, but have built myself back up. She's still better, still slim yet curvy, pretty, all smiles. She's teacher now, whilst my career is ending due to a project being scrapped due to lack of funds, so I'm close to being down and out. She asked if I wanted to catch up, and in a blind fluster I said yes. I now regret this as in the course of 5 hours I've found myself doubting myself. I do not know if I want to let someone back into my life who was the first to subject me to unreciprocated feelings (eventually), let to me feeling humiliated - though through no ill intent. I'm already feeling as though if I let her in I'll end up being infatuated with her, or, I'll end up viewing myself as a failure in comparison - as I have always struggled with this. Part of me wants to see where it goes, and catch up with someone who before and briefly after our relationship was a good friend, the other part of me wants to run away and avoid all risk. What would you fabbers do. And yes, I'm aware this sounds pathetic, I'm just shaken by how I came across, after trying hard for a long time to build myself back up. " It's a catch up, not a marriage proposal. Meet up,have a drink, laugh about old times and see what happens. You'll only think "what if" if you don't | |||
