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Bereavement coping strategies
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Beyond the "look after your wellbeing type, be gentle with yourself" advice and support (not because it's not good, useful or correct -- but because I'm quite up to speed with this knowledge, given my working life) -- can I ask the forum for any specific tips, suggestions, things you've found helpful when dealing with bereavement?
And love/solidarity/support to anyone still struggling with coming to terms with this and/or currently facing this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Everyone is different and handle grief differently, actually acknowledging you have to grieve is a challenge. Tell people how you feel and also recognise how you feel yourself.
Time is usually the best healer for many. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People that are genuinely willing to listen, beyond the first five minutes when they're doing their bit!
Keep busy, find something to focus on.
Exercise even if its just a brisk walk.
L x |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
Something I’ve personally struggled with is the ‘trying to be brave’ scenario. I find it difficult to give into emotion, it makes me feel weak and vulnerable, so consequently I struggle.
One day, for whatever reason, although I suspect it was because I could no longer hold it back, I decided the let the grief flow, give in to it, let it overwhelm me. And it did, for a time, but once that period of time passed I was able to give more thought to the person as they were when they were with me as opposed to dwelling on the loss of the person.
We are all different and deal with things in different ways and at our own pace but I found I made progress when I stopped fighting it and gave in and only then could I start to move on.
Life can be tough and I’ve lost several very special people in my life but I have grieved differently each time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Writing a letter to the person you lost. Or keeping a journal. Quite often it helps to get things out of your head. Then you can look back at any time to see how far ahead you are. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My counsellor is telling me to have quiet time no phone, music or anything just silence and talk to the person (out loud or in my head) all the things you haven’t said you wish to say or just about your day. I haven’t actually done it yet but I’m thinking about good times we’ve had more and more rather than focusing on the end of life stuff.
It just takes time hon, you’ll never get over it you’ll just learn to handle the pain better xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People who have suffered loss it never goes away..
Some say that time heals...
It doesn't...it just creates a distance.
But the one certaim thing is everyone reacts differently and needs different things at different times....not just in the immediate post loss period
The is no one size fits all solution...we are all different respect that difference but remember to hold those that hurt close to you..
To those who have been and still are in pain... be gentle with them
That's all any of us can do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mum had been ill for seven years. At the funeral my cousin said now you can remember the happy times and not dwell on the bad times. I still remember that some eleven years later. At first I felt a lot of guilt for feeling glad it was all over at last but have learnt to forgive myself. I think about her every day, sometimes with a tear but mainly with a smile. |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
Death is not an option easy thing to cope with. Both my grandfather’s died in 2000. One was in a nursing home, and one had a knee replacement that went a bit wrong.
I think it took me a good couple of years to get over it. My Nan died this year and whilst I have coped I sometimes want to pick up the phone to her northern accent 
I tried my to make sure I think of my passed relatives every so often!
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Not just for dealing with bereavement, but other difficult situations too;
Don't bottle up your emotions and feelings, cry talk scream cry again and talk some more!
If you keep it in it will devour your mind and slowly destroy you!
Remember you're stronger than you think the are!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Something I’ve personally struggled with is the ‘trying to be brave’ scenario. I find it difficult to give into emotion, it makes me feel weak and vulnerable, so consequently I struggle.
One day, for whatever reason, although I suspect it was because I could no longer hold it back, I decided the let the grief flow, give in to it, let it overwhelm me. And it did, for a time, but once that period of time passed I was able to give more thought to the person as they were when they were with me as opposed to dwelling on the loss of the person.
We are all different and deal with things in different ways and at our own pace but I found I made progress when I stopped fighting it and gave in and only then could I start to move on.
Life can be tough and I’ve lost several very special people in my life but I have grieved differently each time. "
Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is a sign of strength and courage, it is the opposite of weakness |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
"Something I’ve personally struggled with is the ‘trying to be brave’ scenario. I find it difficult to give into emotion, it makes me feel weak and vulnerable, so consequently I struggle.
One day, for whatever reason, although I suspect it was because I could no longer hold it back, I decided the let the grief flow, give in to it, let it overwhelm me. And it did, for a time, but once that period of time passed I was able to give more thought to the person as they were when they were with me as opposed to dwelling on the loss of the person.
We are all different and deal with things in different ways and at our own pace but I found I made progress when I stopped fighting it and gave in and only then could I start to move on.
Life can be tough and I’ve lost several very special people in my life but I have grieved differently each time.
Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is a sign of strength and courage, it is the opposite of weakness "
That may be so but it’s not how it feels to some of us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not just for dealing with bereavement, but other difficult situations too;
Don't bottle up your emotions and feelings, cry talk scream cry again and talk some more!
If you keep it in it will devour your mind and slowly destroy you!
Remember you're stronger than you think the are! "
This
I find pillows are a big help you can bash the fuck out of them and they don’t care and you can hug and sob into them and they soak up your tears  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You'll never ever completely get over the death of someone who means a lot to you.
Make stronger connections to the people who were important to them. Befriend their friends! Help and look after and keep contact with people who were close to them. See all of these people as possessing a small and precious part of your loved one because your loved one has left some imprint upon them.
What are your beliefs about death/life/the soul etc. This will be helpful to draw from too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It might feel like you are living in a fog for the first six months or so after the person you care about has died. You may feel numb, or worry because you haven’t cried. Feeling numb is one of the things that helps us to cope with very intense and distressing emotions. Gradually over time, the sense of numbness will go, and you will start to emerge from the fog.
You will never forget. You will just learn to live with it.. Eventually, instead of tears when you remember you will smile!!
Time x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Something I’ve personally struggled with is the ‘trying to be brave’ scenario. I find it difficult to give into emotion, it makes me feel weak and vulnerable, so consequently I struggle.
One day, for whatever reason, although I suspect it was because I could no longer hold it back, I decided the let the grief flow, give in to it, let it overwhelm me. And it did, for a time, but once that period of time passed I was able to give more thought to the person as they were when they were with me as opposed to dwelling on the loss of the person.
We are all different and deal with things in different ways and at our own pace but I found I made progress when I stopped fighting it and gave in and only then could I start to move on.
Life can be tough and I’ve lost several very special people in my life but I have grieved differently each time.
Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is a sign of strength and courage, it is the opposite of weakness
That may be so but it’s not how it feels to some of us. "
Understood- especially as a man - I had to rescript my own beliefs to deal with emotion more effectively |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People just do what they need to do. I cryed when ever memories came at the beginning after my dads death.
Loosing any one isnt a great experience.
But a "hey hows it going" and b prepared to just listen. Hugs are needed too. But it just takes time.
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Remember the good times you had with them. Be grateful for the time you had together. If they were in pain, know they're no longer suffering. Know that no one gets out this life alive and while no time is a good time, it will always happen sometime. Find humour in the darkness. Respect the good they left behind.
I lost a parent 5 weeks ago so feel free to PM OP xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Little rituals to help you remember the good times can help too. Our loved ones live on in our hearts and the heart loves rituals, stories, pictures, mementos. Keep some special things, that connect you with memories that make you smile and enact a little ritual with them as regularly as you need. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've tried writing this message about ten times now and it just comes out as waffle. Sorry if this does too.
My best coping strategy has been to accept that it's OK not to be ok. Good days and bad days will always happen, and that's OK.
We all find different ways to cope, so it's important you find your way forward. I found talking helped. Talking to friends about how I feel makes me feel like I've unloaded some of the pain. I wrote alot, and have done since day one, it's helped me process the messy tangled thoughts in my hurty heart and over time see that I've grown stronger, that I've learnt to deal with the pain as time has moved onwards. Reading it back helps when I'm feeling that I'm going backwards. I'm not, it's just a blip in the healing process and it's ok.
Accepting that stupid sayings like time heals just aren't true. Time just gives you the chance to grieve and process your pain and loss. My pain certainly hasn't gone and I don't expect it will, but that's OK too.
I don't believe there's any one way to deal with grief, you just have to find the way that works for you and that's usually trial and error.I found a support group really helped.
One of the best pieces of advice I had was this. Going into a black hole is OK, we all need time out to be alone and feel sad, but don't take a suitcase and unpack it down there. Take a break and then come back up to the sunshine.
Its OK not to be ok. Sorry for my ramble post, my own anniversary of a loved one passing is very close and my emotions are bubbling and I cannot make sense of my own babble.
Sending huge love and hugs to anyone experiencing such pain and sadness right now x |
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As an only child whose mother died 2 days before ma 7th birthday, and ma dad passed away when I was 21, I suppose I have dealt with grief in different ways.
I don't think there is any definitive answer as we are all different, but I suppose I was lucky in that I could rely on close family & friends when I needed them xx |
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"Not just for dealing with bereavement, but other difficult situations too;
Don't bottle up your emotions and feelings, cry talk scream cry again and talk some more!
If you keep it in it will devour your mind and slowly destroy you!
Remember you're stronger than you think the are! This
I find pillows are a big help you can bash the fuck out of them and they don’t care and you can hug and sob into them and they soak up your tears "
Unfortunately I learned all this too late and I'm still suffering the consequences. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Grief isn't linear. Try to remember that it's OK to feel better, worse, better again for as long at it takes. And you don't need to feel guilty for those times you feel better. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Going on for 6 years since i lost my mother. Still to this day once in a while i'll ring her to tell her something, it's not till my dad answers that i realise. I drank far too much after she died i realise now it didn't help just depressed me further. Now i watch my dad slowly getting older,slower and iller and hope i'll cope better come the time he passes |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I try to do things that they would both be proud of me for finally doing. When I've done it I write a little letter expressing how I felt.
A group of friends and I visit his bench every year and toast him with his favourite drink and sing his song.
|
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"Going on for 6 years since i lost my mother. Still to this day once in a while i'll ring her to tell her something, it's not till my dad answers that i realise. I drank far too much after she died i realise now it didn't help just depressed me further. Now i watch my dad slowly getting older,slower and iller and hope i'll cope better come the time he passes "
We all learn from experience and strive to do better next time. |
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By *ee_rascalWoman
over a year ago
O'er the Rainbow |
It took me years to grieve for my parents. I still imagine those feelings in a box with a wiggly lid. Most of the time the lid just about sits on them and keeps them at bay. But the lid is wiggly and it doesn't take much to knock it. When it does those feelings spill out. But you know what, that's ok.
They say it gets easier. I don't believe it does. You just learn to keep that lid on a little tighter but it still hurts like hell underneath |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It took me years to grieve for my parents. I still imagine those feelings in a box with a wiggly lid. Most of the time the lid just about sits on them and keeps them at bay. But the lid is wiggly and it doesn't take much to knock it. When it does those feelings spill out. But you know what, that's ok.
They say it gets easier. I don't believe it does. You just learn to keep that lid on a little tighter but it still hurts like hell underneath "
So true, and love the box analogy. Sums up what I was trying to say but far more eloquently |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've tried writing this message about ten times now and it just comes out as waffle. Sorry if this does too.
My best coping strategy has been to accept that it's OK not to be ok. Good days and bad days will always happen, and that's OK.
We all find different ways to cope, so it's important you find your way forward. I found talking helped. Talking to friends about how I feel makes me feel like I've unloaded some of the pain. I wrote alot, and have done since day one, it's helped me process the messy tangled thoughts in my hurty heart and over time see that I've grown stronger, that I've learnt to deal with the pain as time has moved onwards. Reading it back helps when I'm feeling that I'm going backwards. I'm not, it's just a blip in the healing process and it's ok.
Accepting that stupid sayings like time heals just aren't true. Time just gives you the chance to grieve and process your pain and loss. My pain certainly hasn't gone and I don't expect it will, but that's OK too.
I don't believe there's any one way to deal with grief, you just have to find the way that works for you and that's usually trial and error.I found a support group really helped.
One of the best pieces of advice I had was this. Going into a black hole is OK, we all need time out to be alone and feel sad, but don't take a suitcase and unpack it down there. Take a break and then come back up to the sunshine.
Its OK not to be ok. Sorry for my ramble post, my own anniversary of a loved one passing is very close and my emotions are bubbling and I cannot make sense of my own babble.
Sending huge love and hugs to anyone experiencing such pain and sadness right now x"
This isn't babble at all; you have articulated how you feel really well and, to a great extent, how I feel. I'm approaching the first anniversary of a loved one's death and I'm dreading it. I still cry regularly for no reason but, rather than hold it back, I cry on my own so that no one sees. I find it quite cathartic. The one thing I've realised is that it's not good to hold it in. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For dealing with it emotionally I suggest keeping busy. I have never felt sadder when dealing with the death of a loved one than when I lost myself in having nothing important to do.
As far as keeping their memory alive....I think this is a bit more personal. I like to support the things they believed strongly in. But this approach isn't right for everyone - it depends on the person and what the memory of them entails.
If you are going through something difficult, OP, then my thoughts go out to you. I recently lost someone close to me so I can relate to how you may be feeling. **Big hugs** |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not sure if already mentioned as not read whole thread, but a scrap book of memories is a nice idea.
Cinema/concert ticket stubs from a shared outing, photographs, a piece of fabric cut from their favourite item of clothing (if not practical to keep the items of clothing), a note of their favourite scent or a tester so you can have a sniff, that will invoke memories that hopefully will be comforting.
Anything that reminds you of them, pop it in a book, then you have something to look back on, that can move when you move, and if you wanted you could shut it away just for you. |
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Hi Estella
I used to volunteer with a breavement charity,we are all different and grief is not the same for any 2 people.
The main thing I learnt ,was that people tend to be feel it more a few months on.They still need support from friends and family and it takes each individual different ways /timescales to grieve.
Its important to remember loved ones and mark special occasions in a way thay helps that person most.
Also keep their loved ones memory alive and don't be afraid to talk about it with them
Loneliness and feeling avoided after a loss ,was something i heard alot.
Miss |
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"Not sure if already mentioned as not read whole thread, but a scrap book of memories is a nice idea.
Cinema/concert ticket stubs from a shared outing, photographs, a piece of fabric cut from their favourite item of clothing (if not practical to keep the items of clothing), a note of their favourite scent or a tester so you can have a sniff, that will invoke memories that hopefully will be comforting.
Anything that reminds you of them, pop it in a book, then you have something to look back on, that can move when you move, and if you wanted you could shut it away just for you."
I agree, memory boxes etc. always work well and I think they’re a lovely thing to share with others or pass down to the next generation too.
And don’t feel guilty for moving on and being happy, we all want our loved ones to be happy so the last thing they’d want is for your grief to consume you.
It’s a cliche but time really is a healer, the sadness will fade and the happy memories will become more prominent.
Much love x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I lost my Mum last November and it knocked the stuffing out of me. I feel like a piece if me died with her.
As for coping, Um not well. I think the most important thing is to be kind to yourself and connect with those around you.
I coped with having one of her tops sprayed with her perfume to use as a cwtch, which I keep under my pillow and her purple blanket on my bed.
Also don't be afraid of spending time with your loved one.
Mum's funeral director was a family friend which helped, he suggested I help dress Mum, I popped her socks on her and did her hair ready for my brothers to view.
I really think that it's important to do something like that because it helps you connect with what's happened.
I felt proud because I did that one last thing for her.
I still feel like something in me has died. I grieved over my Dad terribly, but losing Mum was a different feeling altogether
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Learn about the stages of bereavement. Allows you to realise why feeling as you do. Allows you to recognise feelings and not fight them.
Other suggestions
Cruse
Memory jar
Talk openly
Start running/ walking for clear head time
Xx |
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By *ee_rascalWoman
over a year ago
O'er the Rainbow |
"It took me years to grieve for my parents. I still imagine those feelings in a box with a wiggly lid. Most of the time the lid just about sits on them and keeps them at bay. But the lid is wiggly and it doesn't take much to knock it. When it does those feelings spill out. But you know what, that's ok.
They say it gets easier. I don't believe it does. You just learn to keep that lid on a little tighter but it still hurts like hell underneath
So true, and love the box analogy. Sums up what I was trying to say but far more eloquently "
Hope you are doing ok hun x |
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By *ee_rascalWoman
over a year ago
O'er the Rainbow |
I found having somewhere to go very soothing too. My parents wanted their ashes spread on a hill in the centre of Edinburgh. I can go there when I need to but I live around 20 miles away and find just seeing it helps me.
I try and allow myself 1 miserable day only at a time, whether it is anniversary, birthday or just because. Day 2 I kick my ass into gear and go do something. |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
"Thank you. X
Or also tips on ways of keeping people's memories alive, celebrating their life etc...."
Lost my darling Mum last year. My dad and I look through old photo albums and reminisce about the time we were all together, holidays, Christmas etc. |
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By *ack2071Man
over a year ago
bromsgrove |
Never be afraid to cry as its a important part of the healing process.
Also don't think its your fault we are all born and we all die the only variable is where and when there's nothing we can do when it is our time to return home to spirit. |
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Any advice on how to cope with the trauma of seeing and supporting your loved one in their final days? I can't get the image of my dad suffering at the end out of my head.
Sending love to all of you suffering the loss of your loved one xxx |
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"Any advice on how to cope with the trauma of seeing and supporting your loved one in their final days? I can't get the image of my dad suffering at the end out of my head.
Sending love to all of you suffering the loss of your loved one xxx "
Can't give any advice but a big hug. It's the one thing I still get upset over. Never want to go through those last 48 hours with anyone else. |
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I don’t think you ever get over it really! I lost my dad and younger sister all in the space of 6 years ( cancer and a heart attack you just find it gets easier to cope with as the months and years go on. Big hugs op x |
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"Learn about the stages of bereavement. Allows you to realise why feeling as you do. Allows you to recognise feelings and not fight them.
Other suggestions
Cruse
Memory jar
Talk openly
Start running/ walking for clear head time
Xx"
The 5 Stages, DABDA;
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance. |
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I lost my 5 year old niece, a friends 15 year old and father in law all in a year.
You never forget and you relive it all but time does help
I went counselling and one thing she said has stuck with me ....
Imagine you have a sponge inside you that stores all your emotions, it has to be squeezed every so often to let some out before they can be replaced by others
Talking helped me it might not be for everyone but keeping things inside is not always healthy x |
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"Beyond the "look after your wellbeing type, be gentle with yourself" advice and support (not because it's not good, useful or correct -- but because I'm quite up to speed with this knowledge, given my working life) -- can I ask the forum for any specific tips, suggestions, things you've found helpful when dealing with bereavement?
And love/solidarity/support to anyone still struggling with coming to terms with this and/or currently facing this. "
Allow yourself the time to grieve: it affects us all differently, but you're made to feel there's a time limit to "pulling yourself together."
When my son died a part of me died with him and I've been incomplete ever since. I wanted to crawl into his coffin with him and my final resting place will be my ashes scattered over his grave.
My daughters kept me alive. I could no longer help my dead son but I could ensure my daughters and step sons had a very happy childhood.
I was always risk averse and overly cautious. My son's death showed me that no matter how careful and cautious you were bad things could still happen...so I lived life to the fullest and ensured my daughters had the best life ever.
I was visiting my daughter recently and she said she was making memories with her children and documenting them as she wanted them to have the happy childhood she had.
I don't know how I got home, but once home I cried. Really cried for the first time since my son died.
Grief is mourning a life lost. Ironically, we then lose ourselves mourning and forget our life. I've lost friends and family following my son's death. None have overwhelmed me to that degree.
All I can say is don't lose yourself to the grief. Remember, life is fleeting and we will lose people...so try and enjoy the time we have and don't waste a second. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I lost my soul-mate I was inconsolable......
I've no idea if we'd had a chance to say goodbye it would have made any difference ,,,,,
The only thing that gave me consolation was knowing everyday we shared together we told each-other how much we loved each-other |
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"Beyond the "look after your wellbeing type, be gentle with yourself" advice and support (not because it's not good, useful or correct -- but because I'm quite up to speed with this knowledge, given my working life) -- can I ask the forum for any specific tips, suggestions, things you've found helpful when dealing with bereavement?
And love/solidarity/support to anyone still struggling with coming to terms with this and/or currently facing this.
Allow yourself the time to grieve: it affects us all differently, but you're made to feel there's a time limit to "pulling yourself together."
When my son died a part of me died with him and I've been incomplete ever since. I wanted to crawl into his coffin with him and my final resting place will be my ashes scattered over his grave.
My daughters kept me alive.[ I could no longer help my dead son but I could ensure my daughters and step sons had a very happy childhood.]
I was always risk averse and overly cautious. My son's death showed me that no matter how careful and cautious you were bad things could still happen...so I lived life to the fullest and ensured my daughters had the best life ever.
I was visiting my daughter recently and she said she was making memories with her children and documenting them as she wanted them to have the happy childhood she had.
I don't know how I got home, but once home I cried. Really cried for the first time since my son died.
Grief is mourning a life lost. Ironically, we then lose ourselves mourning and forget our life. I've lost friends and family following my son's death. None have overwhelmed me to that degree.
All I can say is don't lose yourself to the grief. Remember, life is fleeting and we will lose people...so try and enjoy the time we have and don't waste a second."
I make sure my sisters daughter is ok we go out I talk to her about her mum she was 11 when her mum died she’s now 18 x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Any advice on how to cope with the trauma of seeing and supporting your loved one in their final days? I can't get the image of my dad suffering at the end out of my head.
Sending love to all of you suffering the loss of your loved one xxx "
So sorry to hear about your Dad. We went through the same with a loved one and it's hopeless.
Just cherish that you were able to say those all important last words to him and the hold on to the fact that he passed surrounded by people who loved him. You were there when it mattered.
My Dad died suddenly of a heart attack. Just dropped down dead.
After 22 years it still hurts that I never got to tell him how much I loved him
Keep talking to keep processing. |
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"Any advice on how to cope with the trauma of seeing and supporting your loved one in their final days? I can't get the image of my dad suffering at the end out of my head.
Sending love to all of you suffering the loss of your loved one xxx "
Sorry to hear that,Cruse are really good and have trained volunteers who are really supportive and kind.
Miss |
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One thing I forgot to add,
When I was listening to people during training,they want to feel that their grieving is normal.
There are many physical symptoms that go with grief ie insomnia,physical health decline, anxiety,depression.People sometimes feel they are losing it.
I have seen it from both sides,I lost my mum ,dad and sister in 4 years ,but also been there as a volunteer for others.
Massive love and hugs to anyone suffering or struggling,I feel they are always with us xx
Miss |
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"Can't give any advice but a big hug. It's the one thing I still get upset over. Never want to go through those last 48 hours with anyone else. "
Thank you for the hug, they certainly help! Strong tight warm hugs back to you xxx |
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"Any advice on how to cope with the trauma of seeing and supporting your loved one in their final days? I can't get the image of my dad suffering at the end out of my head.
Sending love to all of you suffering the loss of your loved one xxx
Sorry to hear that,Cruse are really good and have trained volunteers who are really supportive and kind.
Miss"
Thank you, I will look into this. I really appreciate your kindness and advice.
K xxx |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
Each loss has been felt and grieved in a different way except for one factor. With each I have eaten too much of the wrong stuff. I have built up layers of fat to protect me.
It keeps me functioning and, for some, it has helped me go through the stages and accept the death, rejoice the life, learn the lessons they passed to me and remember that life is a temporary state.
A friend died six weeks ago and we had a dinner to celebrate her last week. The immediacy of her death had passed. We weren't in the stages of supporting her through her illness or the busyness of a funeral and seeing people not seen for 20 years. We were able to talk about how awful she was at times, her musical genius and how she touched people (even when she couldn't stand them). It helped.
It sounds like you you have lost someone - my condolences and love to you.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A friend died six weeks ago and we had a dinner to celebrate her last week. The immediacy of her death had passed. We weren't in the stages of supporting her through her illness or the busyness of a funeral and seeing people not seen for 20 years."
Isn't it sad that it often takes the death of a loved one to bring together people who we haven't seen in decades? I was thinking about this just recently at a funeral. I understand that we could choose to see them at any time, and just don't - but funerals tend to highlight this aspect of our (or possibly, my) lack of initiative.
I'm sorry for your recent loss Lickety, and everyone else as well  |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"A friend died six weeks ago and we had a dinner to celebrate her last week. The immediacy of her death had passed. We weren't in the stages of supporting her through her illness or the busyness of a funeral and seeing people not seen for 20 years.
Isn't it sad that it often takes the death of a loved one to bring together people who we haven't seen in decades? I was thinking about this just recently at a funeral. I understand that we could choose to see them at any time, and just don't - but funerals tend to highlight this aspect of our (or possibly, my) lack of initiative.
I'm sorry for your recent loss Lickety, and everyone else as well "
Thank you.
Yes! During my last big, almost-killed-myself depression I dropped every single person I reached out to who couldn't find the time to pick up the phone, let alone come and see me. I told them that I knew that if I had died they would have found the time to get to the funeral and all I was asking for was less than half that time for a chat.
But, with a clearer brain, I know life happens for all of us and we make choices based on now and not what might be.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A friend died six weeks ago and we had a dinner to celebrate her last week. The immediacy of her death had passed. We weren't in the stages of supporting her through her illness or the busyness of a funeral and seeing people not seen for 20 years.
Isn't it sad that it often takes the death of a loved one to bring together people who we haven't seen in decades? I was thinking about this just recently at a funeral. I understand that we could choose to see them at any time, and just don't - but funerals tend to highlight this aspect of our (or possibly, my) lack of initiative.
I'm sorry for your recent loss Lickety, and everyone else as well "
Life is precious, and so are your memories, everyday remember your loved one, tell them that you love them. You will never ever be far away from your loved one.
I lost my lover and lost a little of me, but my lover gave me love x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When both my dad and my twin sister died I went into a kind of shock. I barely remember anything about their funerals or the time between the day of death and the funerals. I cry still when I miss my dad, and for the life my sister missed out on. |
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"Any advice on how to cope with the trauma of seeing and supporting your loved one in their final days? I can't get the image of my dad suffering at the end out of my head.
Sending love to all of you suffering the loss of your loved one xxx
Sorry to hear that,Cruse are really good and have trained volunteers who are really supportive and kind.
Miss
Thank you, I will look into this. I really appreciate your kindness and advice.
K xxx "
You are v welcome.Feel free to pm me if you need anything else xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Beyond the "look after your wellbeing type, be gentle with yourself" advice and support (not because it's not good, useful or correct -- but because I'm quite up to speed with this knowledge, given my working life) -- can I ask the forum for any specific tips, suggestions, things you've found helpful when dealing with bereavement?
And love/solidarity/support to anyone still struggling with coming to terms with this and/or currently facing this. "
For me after the initial shock was just trying to take one day at a time xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I lost my best friend 5 years ago and still get upset .worst thing is not talking about it too anyone .Its awful when a person leaves your life and they leave a huge gap ,the gap is hard to fill .You through yourself into work ,gym and try to lets others in but its never the same . |
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