FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > How much effort is needed?
How much effort is needed?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So I've asked how much mail you've received, and how many you've replied to on Fab. (I know it's not collected over a long length of time) but taking what you know personally, how much effort do you put into Fab?
People have posted before that 'you get out what you put in.' But consider we all get a different amount out, are you personally giving more to Fab than others are who aren't meeting for swinging adventures?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Interesting question, I put as much effort as time allows at the moment. Time isn't generous so I get little out of fab at the moment and don't expect to either.
The more time you can spend I'm sure the more you will get, depending on what you want.
I had more time last time I was here and got more from fab, there's a definite correlation. |
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At the moment, not really looking to meet, so I am not putting much effort in at all really. Come on the forums to keep in touch, pop into chat every now and again. I have all my message filters set quite high too. But, when I am actively looking, I try a bit harder   |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
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I’ve always done the same thing ... I dip in and out when the mood takes me. It’s a very small part of my life. I get from it what I want. I chat to a lot of people, meet rarely and give most of my attention to those that interest me the most. I like the silly parts of the forums and try to ignore the crap, life’s too short for that stuff. It works for me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't initiate mail exchange and being a stuck-up twat I only open messages from people whose profile content captures my interest or too exchange message with one of you fine people .....
I take great pleasure ignoring messages from random straight males ...... when I say ignoring what I really mean is giggling my head off when they obviously become so frustrated they bombard my inbox with repeat requests for a response,,,,
See I told you I was a twat..... but I do a lot for CHARITY
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I make no effort at all. I can't even be arsed to contin...
"
She's doing it for attention, she'll still be here saying her goodbyes for the next few days and will then decide to stay. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I make very little effort, but I suspect that's the beauty of being a woman.
It fascinating talking to men and seeing how different their experiences are on here |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Not much effort these days.
I'm focusing more on dating sites at the moment as i want romance rather than meaningless, casual sex."
So just here posting on the forums? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I make very little effort, but I suspect that's the beauty of being a woman.
It fascinating talking to men and seeing how different their experiences are on here "
Little effort in, but you get a lot out of Fab? Lots of make and opportunities to enjoy swinging? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't initiate mail exchange and being a stuck-up twat I only open messages from people whose profile content captures my interest or too exchange message with one of you fine people .....
I take great pleasure ignoring messages from random straight males ...... when I say ignoring what I really mean is giggling my head off when they obviously become so frustrated they bombard my inbox with repeat requests for a response,,,,
See I told you I was a twat..... but I do a lot for CHARITY
"
I'm not sure how much of that is true...im guessing the charity work is fake! |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
Think it depends on what are looking for at the time. Some months very little effort other than read the forums and posting the odd comment.
If we fancy a meet and have nothing in the diary then a lot of effort searching meet/events and email people. Sometimes it is successful sometimes not it really depends. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I make very little effort, but I suspect that's the beauty of being a woman.
It fascinating talking to men and seeing how different their experiences are on here "
You aren't at Sydney university are you or a researcher for Louis Theroux? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not much effort these days.
I'm focusing more on dating sites at the moment as i want romance rather than meaningless, casual sex.
So just here posting on the forums? "
Mostly |
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By *educedWoman
over a year ago
Birmingham |
"I make no effort at all. I can't even be arsed to contin...
She's doing it for attention, she'll still be here saying her goodbyes for the next few days and will then decide to stay. "
Leaving would also require effort. I'll stay and post erratically and without context like I have always done.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’ve always done the same thing ... I dip in and out when the mood takes me. It’s a very small part of my life. I get from it what I want. I chat to a lot of people, meet rarely and give most of my attention to those that interest me the most. I like the silly parts of the forums and try to ignore the crap, life’s too short for that stuff. It works for me "
You don't have to try to hard to get what you need from Being here. That sound a perfect scenario for most I would think. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I make very little effort, but I suspect that's the beauty of being a woman.
It fascinating talking to men and seeing how different their experiences are on here
Little effort in, but you get a lot out of Fab? Lots of make and opportunities to enjoy swinging? "
Yes misterbee, I have lots of opportunities, and lots of swinging. Well as much as I want, I can pick and choose
I know this isn't usual to hear on here, but it's where I am |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't initiate mail exchange and being a stuck-up twat I only open messages from people whose profile content captures my interest or too exchange message with one of you fine people .....
I take great pleasure ignoring messages from random straight males ...... when I say ignoring what I really mean is giggling my head off when they obviously become so frustrated they bombard my inbox with repeat requests for a response,,,,
See I told you I was a twat..... but I do a lot for CHARITY
I'm not sure how much of that is true...im guessing the charity work is fake! "
Uh oh ... now you’re making trouble |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"At the moment, not really looking to meet, so I am not putting much effort in at all really. Come on the forums to keep in touch, pop into chat every now and again. I have all my message filters set quite high too. But, when I am actively looking, I try a bit harder "
When you try harder, I'm assuming to look to meet, do you find it a chore, or a real up hill struggle to find something or someone? |
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I put as much effort into Fab as I need to get what I want right now. If I wasn't getting what I wanted, I'd either step up my efforts - e.g. by being more proactive with messages, posting on the forums more often, or even trying to flirt more  . Or I'd leave if I couldn't be arsed.
I think it's true you're more likely to benefit from Fab the more you put in, though sometimes it's not just about being willing but simply being constrained by time and other commitments. In which case, you need to accept those limitations might affect what you get back instead of complaining.
I do appreciate however that as a female I'm at an advantage here |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Interesting question, I put as much effort as time allows at the moment. Time isn't generous so I get little out of fab at the moment and don't expect to either.
The more time you can spend I'm sure the more you will get, depending on what you want.
I had more time last time I was here and got more from fab, there's a definite correlation. "
A definite correlation, yes, no, maybe. Im sure there are cases of people here who don't need to pursue anything, it falls at there doorstep, on the other end of the scale I've watched people state (and I'm only taking their side of the story) how long they've been here and done everything expected, and nothing.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't initiate mail exchange and being a stuck-up twat I only open messages from people whose profile content captures my interest or too exchange message with one of you fine people .....
I take great pleasure ignoring messages from random straight males ...... when I say ignoring what I really mean is giggling my head off when they obviously become so frustrated they bombard my inbox with repeat requests for a response,,,,
See I told you I was a twat..... but I do a lot for CHARITY
I'm not sure how much of that is true...im guessing the charity work is fake! "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I put as much effort into Fab as I need to get what I want right now. If I wasn't getting what I wanted, I'd either step up my efforts - e.g. by being more proactive with messages, posting on the forums more often, or even trying to flirt more . Or I'd leave if I couldn't be arsed.
I think it's true you're more likely to benefit from Fab the more you put in, though sometimes it's not just about being willing but simply being constrained by time and other commitments. In which case, you need to accept those limitations might affect what you get back instead of complaining.
I do appreciate however that as a female I'm at an advantage here "
Nobody likes a smart arse |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't initiate mail exchange and being a stuck-up twat I only open messages from people whose profile content captures my interest or too exchange message with one of you fine people .....
I take great pleasure ignoring messages from random straight males ...... when I say ignoring what I really mean is giggling my head off when they obviously become so frustrated they bombard my inbox with repeat requests for a response,,,,
See I told you I was a twat..... but I do a lot for CHARITY
I'm not sure how much of that is true...im guessing the charity work is fake!
Uh oh ... now you’re making trouble "
Trouble with a capital "T" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I post rubbish on a daily basis. I also answer emails and generally mosey around somewhat aimlessly.
I have a very select group of friends that I try to maintain contact with, but as I am not looking to meet I get a reasonable amount out of Fab for a moderate amount of effort.
If I had more time on my hands, was in a more accessible location, I would put a bit more effort in and be proactive.
But trying to farm more fabs of my pics and generally being a nuisance in the forums will do for me.
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"I put as much effort into Fab as I need to get what I want right now. If I wasn't getting what I wanted, I'd either step up my efforts - e.g. by being more proactive with messages, posting on the forums more often, or even trying to flirt more . Or I'd leave if I couldn't be arsed.
I think it's true you're more likely to benefit from Fab the more you put in, though sometimes it's not just about being willing but simply being constrained by time and other commitments. In which case, you need to accept those limitations might affect what you get back instead of complaining.
I do appreciate however that as a female I'm at an advantage here
Nobody likes a smart arse "
?? I wasn't trying to be smart  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I put as much effort into Fab as I need to get what I want right now. If I wasn't getting what I wanted, I'd either step up my efforts - e.g. by being more proactive with messages, posting on the forums more often, or even trying to flirt more . Or I'd leave if I couldn't be arsed.
I think it's true you're more likely to benefit from Fab the more you put in, though sometimes it's not just about being willing but simply being constrained by time and other commitments. In which case, you need to accept those limitations might affect what you get back instead of complaining.
I do appreciate however that as a female I'm at an advantage here
Nobody likes a smart arse
?? I wasn't trying to be smart "
I know.... only joking  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I put as much effort into Fab as I need to get what I want right now. If I wasn't getting what I wanted, I'd either step up my efforts - e.g. by being more proactive with messages, posting on the forums more often, or even trying to flirt more . Or I'd leave if I couldn't be arsed.
I think it's true you're more likely to benefit from Fab the more you put in, though sometimes it's not just about being willing but simply being constrained by time and other commitments. In which case, you need to accept those limitations might affect what you get back instead of complaining.
I do appreciate however that as a female I'm at an advantage here "
The biggest complaint is distance from people I would like to meet.
But your right about a woman at an advantage. What I see is lots of mail to woman from Men that try there hardest to get attention or get something from
Fab for the 'effort in'. When on the flip side, a fab user could open an account, little profile info and a few pics and have maximum enjoyment of the site.
So sometimes it's not equal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I'm meeting I put a lot of effort into finding the right person and getting a feel for them. I don't rush into meets as I don't have the time to spend running around after the wrong people. At the moment I'm putting in zero effort and enjoying just chatting. If/When I decide i want to meet again I'll step up the effort by being more proactive... actually reading/answering messages would be a good start |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When we want a meet I can put a lot of effort in, but sometimes we're constrained by time so don't always get the result we want. But in the meantime I enjoy using the forums x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I put zero effort in anymore and give zero fucks. In fact if you round the fucks per year I’ve had off this site since I joined nearly 8 years ago, to the nearest integer, it would be zero. |
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"I put as much effort into Fab as I need to get what I want right now. If I wasn't getting what I wanted, I'd either step up my efforts - e.g. by being more proactive with messages, posting on the forums more often, or even trying to flirt more . Or I'd leave if I couldn't be arsed.
I think it's true you're more likely to benefit from Fab the more you put in, though sometimes it's not just about being willing but simply being constrained by time and other commitments. In which case, you need to accept those limitations might affect what you get back instead of complaining.
I do appreciate however that as a female I'm at an advantage here
The biggest complaint is distance from people I would like to meet.
But your right about a woman at an advantage. What I see is lots of mail to woman from Men that try there hardest to get attention or get something from
Fab for the 'effort in'. When on the flip side, a fab user could open an account, little profile info and a few pics and have maximum enjoyment of the site.
So sometimes it's not equal. "
It's definitely not equal. From chatting to different men who, in my opinion, have a great deal going for them, I'm still genuinely surprised at how little interest and/or 'success' they have in relation to the efforts they make. We've all seen the 'why can't I get a meet' threads from entitled people who've seemingly made little effort yet have huge expectations .... however, the male v female ratio here unfortunately must mean that some lovely guys who really *do* work hard at getting noticed still fail to do so. That must be horribly frustrating but the fact remains that putting in as much effort as you can still gives you a better chance than doing little or nothing (unless you're a woman ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Looking back at the years I’ve spent on Fab, the effort has differed. I found the forums only around this time last year so before that I had spent ages sending out messages that were ignored and having very little success - which I sort of expected.
Joining the forum made me realise that I needed a different approach and so the effort became different - not necessarily less. Cultivating discussions and showing more of a personality rather than just an epic bum
I also made the decision this year to put more effort in to actually meeting people and not just making excuses. That has paid off so much better than I could imagine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find that I don't have to put a huge amount of effort in as our profile seems to do most of the work! But I enjoy stepping it up if there's a particular person/s attracting us! Though as we seem to have a thing for northerners, a bit more effort is needed to keep the buzz between meets...such a chore It's all just good filthy fun to me
Peach x |
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The people I’ve met know how much effort I put in And that’s the point; when I find someone who interests me, I try that bit more, than just my usual foraging in the forums.
I used to like taking and posting pics, but I’ve gone off the boil with that these days, as men get precious little appreciation from the ladies (or it could just be me and my lack of a ‘following’)
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find that I don't have to put a huge amount of effort in as our profile seems to do most of the work! But I enjoy stepping it up if there's a particular person/s attracting us! Though as we seem to have a thing for northerners, a bit more effort is needed to keep the buzz between meets...such a chore It's all just good filthy fun to me
Peach x"
Chore?! 
Like hoovering or ironing? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find that I don't have to put a huge amount of effort in as our profile seems to do most of the work! But I enjoy stepping it up if there's a particular person/s attracting us! Though as we seem to have a thing for northerners, a bit more effort is needed to keep the buzz between meets...such a chore It's all just good filthy fun to me
Peach x
Chore?!
Like hoovering or ironing? "
Oh much more enjoyable than that
Peach z |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find that I don't have to put a huge amount of effort in as our profile seems to do most of the work! But I enjoy stepping it up if there's a particular person/s attracting us! Though as we seem to have a thing for northerners, a bit more effort is needed to keep the buzz between meets...such a chore It's all just good filthy fun to me
Peach x
Chore?!
Like hoovering or ironing?
Oh much more enjoyable than that
Peach z"
Dishes? Tidying the bush? X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The people I’ve met know how much effort I put in And that’s the point; when I find someone who interests me, I try that bit more, than just my usual foraging in the forums.
I used to like taking and posting pics, but I’ve gone off the boil with that these days, as men get precious little appreciation from the ladies (or it could just be me and my lack of a ‘following’)
"
Used to like taking pictures but there’s only so many pictures you can take of your body before they become samey. So you get creative but generally they get rejected, so the will dissipated for me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The people I’ve met know how much effort I put in And that’s the point; when I find someone who interests me, I try that bit more, than just my usual foraging in the forums.
I used to like taking and posting pics, but I’ve gone off the boil with that these days, as men get precious little appreciation from the ladies (or it could just be me and my lack of a ‘following’)
"
I think you've got a point, or at least I can relate. My profile used to be detailed and I put regular photo updates, it got zero attention. I found the only communication I get is from the forum, because of the interaction. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The amount of effort needed is determined by gender, what you look like and how you promote yourself i.e. profile text / photos."
I would agree if you're talking about attracting people in the first place... but to actually find someone to meet that's compatible? I would disagree. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I put as much effort into Fab as I need to get what I want right now. If I wasn't getting what I wanted, I'd either step up my efforts - e.g. by being more proactive with messages, posting on the forums more often, or even trying to flirt more . Or I'd leave if I couldn't be arsed.
I think it's true you're more likely to benefit from Fab the more you put in, though sometimes it's not just about being willing but simply being constrained by time and other commitments. In which case, you need to accept those limitations might affect what you get back instead of complaining.
I do appreciate however that as a female I'm at an advantage here
Nobody likes a smart arse
?? I wasn't trying to be smart "
But your arse is still smart 
Fuzz |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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I think that, to a certain extent, the effort you put in dictates how much success you have.
What I also think is similar to what Swing touched upon. In my experience, several of my fab single male friends have found it difficult until they changed their approach. So yeah - it's great that you're putting all that effort in, uploading photos, writing an 'interesting' profile. But if it's misguided effort you're not going to have that much success and end up getting more frustrated.
I've also found that when people are not actually in the correct head space to meet even though they claim they are, they often (subconsciously more often than not) display that to those they interact with. You might think your putting the effort in when what you're actually doing is putting people off. Why would they persevere if you don't really want it?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The amount of effort needed is determined by gender, what you look like and how you promote yourself i.e. profile text / photos.
I would agree if you're talking about attracting people in the first place... but to actually find someone to meet that's compatible? I would disagree. "
Very true. When someone does finally get in touch, do you find yourself sitting back and enjoying the ride, or do you find yourself jumping through hoops to get what you want? |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
I put quite a lot of effort in, tinkering with my profile, putting statuses on if I'm free. It's frustrating on here though atm it really is.
Perhaps I should step it up a notch, particularly with the ladies, my bi side has gone into hibernation!! But tbh I don't really know what I need to do |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't put much effort into Fab really,I hardly ever message anyone new with a view to meeting as the effort/return ratio is unfavourable at best,and I rarely meet from Fab due to an internet profile rarely painting an accurate picture of someone,I don't like spending time and effort arranging something only for it to be a disappointment for myself or the other party.Fab is a tiny part of my life,I have plenty of swinger friends away from Fab that I can enjoy non-vanilla play with and I enjoy visiting clubs when time and finances dictate I am able to,Fab is hardly the be-all and end-all of swinging.I mainly use Fab for chatting to people I find interesting,admiring the pictures of people I find attractive,politely declining propositions from other men,and for the comedey value of the forums |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't put much effort into Fab really,I hardly ever message anyone new with a view to meeting as the effort/return ratio is unfavourable at best,and I rarely meet from Fab due to an internet profile rarely painting an accurate picture of someone,I don't like spending time and effort arranging something only for it to be a disappointment for myself or the other party.Fab is a tiny part of my life,I have plenty of swinger friends away from Fab that I can enjoy non-vanilla play with and I enjoy visiting clubs when time and finances dictate I am able to,Fab is hardly the be-all and end-all of swinging.I mainly use Fab for chatting to people I find interesting,admiring the pictures of people I find attractive,politely declining propositions from other men,and for the comedey value of the forums "
Quite right to point out that my question was and is related to Fab only. And it is only a tool for swinging - swinging is not just Fab.
Could you not make more effort to represent the real you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The amount of effort needed is determined by gender, what you look like and how you promote yourself i.e. profile text / photos.
I would agree if you're talking about attracting people in the first place... but to actually find someone to meet that's compatible? I would disagree. "
Again I think it depends on the person.
I personally don't think I've made a lot of effort compared to others but I have been lucky enough to attract men who I've totally fancied & met . Now they may disagree and say I did make the effort through photos & interacting with them on forums / messaging that kind of thing.
Once I know I'm compatible with someone then I do make the effort to make sure that we keep in touch & meet...
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By *ollie.Woman
over a year ago
Left at the roundabout |
I'm putting very little effort in at moment. Come on read a few messages,will reply to a few then log off. I'm not taking so many pictures for here prefer just to send them to who they were intended for.I am not conceited and think that because I have a vag that I don't need to put the effort in.If I were looking for a certain person to fulfil my to do list I'd put more effort in. |
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By *TrainMan
over a year ago
London |
"I put quite a lot of effort in, tinkering with my profile, putting statuses on if I'm free. It's frustrating on here though atm it really is.
Perhaps I should step it up a notch, particularly with the ladies, my bi side has gone into hibernation!! But tbh I don't really know what I need to do "
Lady Lick
It’s interesting you say this, I assumed it was only single males who struggle on here, it seems that it might be single ladies too
I’ve also seen a lot of people recently leaving the site. Some going elsewhere, others leaving the scene all together |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So I've asked how much mail you've received, and how many you've replied to on Fab. (I know it's not collected over a long length of time) but taking what you know personally, how much effort do you put into Fab?
People have posted before that 'you get out what you put in.' But consider we all get a different amount out, are you personally giving more to Fab than others are who aren't meeting for swinging adventures?
"
There comes a time when you stop looking, you have gathered a nice collection of very good friends, some - friends with benefits" and you are relaxed and fine with that
That's the way I feel just now but then I am also wrong, as there will be that someone special still out there waiting to enter my life |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My reasoning sounds a little up myself, I'm totally not but I've found when I was new, constantly updating profile & messaging people the results weren't any different to what they are now.
If I was after something specific then yes I agree I'd have to be way more proactive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I just wander the forums looking bemused...
And bribing young ladies with biscuits "
Well.i can't look bemused all the time
I'm not sure putting the effort in is the best way to describe what I do though.
Being proactive here messaging those who may interest me seems to generate limited responses to the extent that now I'm more inclined to wait for someone to approach me.
At least that way there is more of a chance of conversation and more developing. But that's more about a sense that there are so many single guys here compared to women and as such opportunities for guys are more limited.
And like many here there has to be that connection, it's almost indefinable until it happens, that makes two people want to take things further to actually meeting.
Even then I am geographically challenged and have to arrange meets around real life.
I would like to meet more often...theres a surprise... but without that connection what's the point.
And like all here there are probably more that wouldn't want to meet me than would. That's just the nature of life.
Maybe it's not about the effort so much as being lucky as two people wanting to share the same experiences and the fact that the forums we are only a small part of the site.
Who knows maybe one day someone will find the man cave and want to take a chance that trogladyes are worth a second look.
Until then I don't really know if it is putting more effort in to get more out but I'm always open to the possibility that someone stumbled over my rock and wants to fall into the man cave.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I make no effort at all. I can't even be arsed to contin...
She's doing it for attention, she'll still be here saying her goodbyes for the next few days and will then decide to stay.
Leaving would also require effort. I'll stay and post erratically and without context like I have always done. "
But you proper fit so dont need any effort in...u got packs off fellas chasin you.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I actually think it is less about effort and more about frame of mind. The harder I tried in the early days the less successful I was. A change of approach brought more success, but that success brought unwanted consequences for me. So I then changed what I used the site for.
The keys to success for me were go and meet socially, have authentic conversations with prospective partners, have an engaging profile and a few decent pictures. In the end I realised I didn’t need to put much ‘effort’ in, as I was just being myself.
However, be careful what you wish for |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I put quite a lot of effort in, tinkering with my profile, putting statuses on if I'm free. It's frustrating on here though atm it really is.
Perhaps I should step it up a notch, particularly with the ladies, my bi side has gone into hibernation!! But tbh I don't really know what I need to do
Lady Lick
It’s interesting you say this, I assumed it was only single males who struggle on here, it seems that it might be single ladies too
I’ve also seen a lot of people recently leaving the site. Some going elsewhere, others leaving the scene all together "
Agreed. I've seen lots of single women leaving. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I actually think it is less about effort and more about frame of mind. The harder I tried in the early days the less successful I was. A change of approach brought more success, but that success brought unwanted consequences for me. So I then changed what I used the site for.
The keys to success for me were go and meet socially, have authentic conversations with prospective partners, have an engaging profile and a few decent pictures. In the end I realised I didn’t need to put much ‘effort’ in, as I was just being myself.
However, be careful what you wish for "
The problem and the biggest complaint for most is using Fab to actually getting to meet socialy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I actually think it is less about effort and more about frame of mind. The harder I tried in the early days the less successful I was. A change of approach brought more success, but that success brought unwanted consequences for me. So I then changed what I used the site for.
The keys to success for me were go and meet socially, have authentic conversations with prospective partners, have an engaging profile and a few decent pictures. In the end I realised I didn’t need to put much ‘effort’ in, as I was just being myself.
However, be careful what you wish for "
That's kind of what I was trying to convey but didn't...!!
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I just wander the forums looking bemused...
And bribing young ladies with biscuits
Well.i can't look bemused all the time
I'm not sure putting the effort in is the best way to describe what I do though.
Being proactive here messaging those who may interest me seems to generate limited responses to the extent that now I'm more inclined to wait for someone to approach me.
At least that way there is more of a chance of conversation and more developing. But that's more about a sense that there are so many single guys here compared to women and as such opportunities for guys are more limited.
And like many here there has to be that connection, it's almost indefinable until it happens, that makes two people want to take things further to actually meeting.
Even then I am geographically challenged and have to arrange meets around real life.
I would like to meet more often...theres a surprise... but without that connection what's the point.
And like all here there are probably more that wouldn't want to meet me than would. That's just the nature of life.
Maybe it's not about the effort so much as being lucky as two people wanting to share the same experiences and the fact that the forums we are only a small part of the site.
Who knows maybe one day someone will find the man cave and want to take a chance that trogladyes are worth a second look.
Until then I don't really know if it is putting more effort in to get more out but I'm always open to the possibility that someone stumbled over my rock and wants to fall into the man cave.
"
The effort you put into this post te explain something in detail. Is welcomed. And again, I can relate 100 percent to it all.
I've felt very lucky to meet the people I have, and nave regarded it to me trying any harder to be 'successful'. It just kind of happened. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I actually think it is less about effort and more about frame of mind. The harder I tried in the early days the less successful I was. A change of approach brought more success, but that success brought unwanted consequences for me. So I then changed what I used the site for.
The keys to success for me were go and meet socially, have authentic conversations with prospective partners, have an engaging profile and a few decent pictures. In the end I realised I didn’t need to put much ‘effort’ in, as I was just being myself.
However, be careful what you wish for
The problem and the biggest complaint for most is using Fab to actually getting to meet socialy. "
Yep but you created a social and look what havoc that caused |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't put much effort into Fab really,I hardly ever message anyone new with a view to meeting as the effort/return ratio is unfavourable at best,and I rarely meet from Fab due to an internet profile rarely painting an accurate picture of someone,I don't like spending time and effort arranging something only for it to be a disappointment for myself or the other party.Fab is a tiny part of my life,I have plenty of swinger friends away from Fab that I can enjoy non-vanilla play with and I enjoy visiting clubs when time and finances dictate I am able to,Fab is hardly the be-all and end-all of swinging.I mainly use Fab for chatting to people I find interesting,admiring the pictures of people I find attractive,politely declining propositions from other men,and for the comedey value of the forums
Quite right to point out that my question was and is related to Fab only. And it is only a tool for swinging - swinging is not just Fab.
Could you not make more effort to represent the real you? "
I thought my answer generally was related to Fab?Granted the small bit about having stuff away from here wasn't,but it was to provide context as to why I don't put much effort in on here
Certainly agree with you that Fab is merely a tool for swinging and that swinging is not just Fab,but it's hard to deny that many don't see it that way
I don't feel I need to make an effort to represent the real me as I'm not really concerned what others perception of me on an internet site is.Been on and off here for several years now and the way I use it works for me,maybe that will change with time,maybe it won't,who knows |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I actually think it is less about effort and more about frame of mind. The harder I tried in the early days the less successful I was. A change of approach brought more success, but that success brought unwanted consequences for me. So I then changed what I used the site for.
The keys to success for me were go and meet socially, have authentic conversations with prospective partners, have an engaging profile and a few decent pictures. In the end I realised I didn’t need to put much ‘effort’ in, as I was just being myself.
However, be careful what you wish for
That's kind of what I was trying to convey but didn't...!!
"
I think you did convey it in your own inimitable way x |
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By *ola.Woman
over a year ago
Just where I need to be. |
For a while not much effort.I am not actively looking.I post pictures but recently I have put them straight to friends as I'm not looking for the attention that new pictures bring.I put effort in if I'm looking as I know what and who I like. I'd rather be proactive and not have to trawl through messages to see if there is a match to my requirements.At moment it's cba can't be arsed. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I actually think it is less about effort and more about frame of mind. The harder I tried in the early days the less successful I was. A change of approach brought more success, but that success brought unwanted consequences for me. So I then changed what I used the site for.
The keys to success for me were go and meet socially, have authentic conversations with prospective partners, have an engaging profile and a few decent pictures. In the end I realised I didn’t need to put much ‘effort’ in, as I was just being myself.
However, be careful what you wish for
That's kind of what I was trying to convey but didn't...!!
I think you did convey it in your own inimitable way x"
You spelt intimidating incorrectly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"For a while not much effort.I am not actively looking.I post pictures but recently I have put them straight to friends as I'm not looking for the attention that new pictures bring.I put effort in if I'm looking as I know what and who I like. I'd rather be proactive and not have to trawl through messages to see if there is a match to my requirements.At moment it's cba can't be arsed. "
Crikey - it was a while since I last fabbed your pics |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I actually think it is less about effort and more about frame of mind. The harder I tried in the early days the less successful I was. A change of approach brought more success, but that success brought unwanted consequences for me. So I then changed what I used the site for.
The keys to success for me were go and meet socially, have authentic conversations with prospective partners, have an engaging profile and a few decent pictures. In the end I realised I didn’t need to put much ‘effort’ in, as I was just being myself.
However, be careful what you wish for
That's kind of what I was trying to convey but didn't...!!
I think you did convey it in your own inimitable way x
You spelt intimidating incorrectly. "
What are you intimating? |
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"The people I’ve met know how much effort I put in And that’s the point; when I find someone who interests me, I try that bit more, than just my usual foraging in the forums.
I used to like taking and posting pics, but I’ve gone off the boil with that these days, as men get precious little appreciation from the ladies (or it could just be me and my lack of a ‘following’)
I think you've got a point, or at least I can relate. My profile used to be detailed and I put regular photo updates, it got zero attention. I found the only communication I get is from the forum, because of the interaction. "
I use a dedicated exhibitionist website to receive appreciation on my efforts, I just put an occasional new pic on my profile here as an update. All these ‘stalker’ views when you have no idea who has looked at you, and lack of ‘Fabs’ from people letting you know someone liked what you have done, is frankly depressing |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I don't put much effort into Fab really,I hardly ever message anyone new with a view to meeting as the effort/return ratio is unfavourable at best,and I rarely meet from Fab due to an internet profile rarely painting an accurate picture of someone,I don't like spending time and effort arranging something only for it to be a disappointment for myself or the other party.Fab is a tiny part of my life,I have plenty of swinger friends away from Fab that I can enjoy non-vanilla play with and I enjoy visiting clubs when time and finances dictate I am able to,Fab is hardly the be-all and end-all of swinging.I mainly use Fab for chatting to people I find interesting,admiring the pictures of people I find attractive,politely declining propositions from other men,and for the comedey value of the forums
Quite right to point out that my question was and is related to Fab only. And it is only a tool for swinging - swinging is not just Fab.
Could you not make more effort to represent the real you?
I thought my answer generally was related to Fab?Granted the small bit about having stuff away from here wasn't,but it was to provide context as to why I don't put much effort in on here
Certainly agree with you that Fab is merely a tool for swinging and that swinging is not just Fab,but it's hard to deny that many don't see it that way
I don't feel I need to make an effort to represent the real me as I'm not really concerned what others perception of me on an internet site is.Been on and off here for several years now and the way I use it works for me,maybe that will change with time,maybe it won't,who knows "
There's a major reason why I'm on the forum. I'm more inclined to think people here like the social side as well as enjoying sex together. When I did send out a message and saw it deleted/ignored, that to me is 'swiping left' and turned it into a sex site, no effort needed I assume.
Although we are still putting effort in. Like _ady lick above said 'taking photos, tinkering with profile', it's all effort and to see it ignored is what drives people to
Think. Is it worth it? |
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As the profile says, 'just here for existing friends, forums & social events'
I'm not actively looking to meet anyone new, I've been lucky met some great people on here & I'm happy with how things are right now.
I'm a serial forum lurker, popping in on breaks between things at work. I love the banter on here & chatting with friends I've made through the forums.
So effort, not a lot, apart from keeping in touch with those I already know
|
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"So I've asked how much mail you've received, and how many you've replied to on Fab. (I know it's not collected over a long length of time) but taking what you know personally, how much effort do you put into Fab?
People have posted before that 'you get out what you put in.' But consider we all get a different amount out, are you personally giving more to Fab than others are who aren't meeting for swinging adventures?
"
Which newspaper do you work for Quisling? Or are you freelance? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"So I've asked how much mail you've received, and how many you've replied to on Fab. (I know it's not collected over a long length of time) but taking what you know personally, how much effort do you put into Fab?
People have posted before that 'you get out what you put in.' But consider we all get a different amount out, are you personally giving more to Fab than others are who aren't meeting for swinging adventures?
Which newspaper do you work for Quisling? Or are you freelance? "
I'm Just a mild mannered reporter |
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"So I've asked how much mail you've received, and how many you've replied to on Fab. (I know it's not collected over a long length of time) but taking what you know personally, how much effort do you put into Fab?
People have posted before that 'you get out what you put in.' But consider we all get a different amount out, are you personally giving more to Fab than others are who aren't meeting for swinging adventures?
Which newspaper do you work for Quisling? Or are you freelance? "
Pmsl! Buzz is getting a bit like Bunnyhop was; I’m sure she was writing a paper on swinging |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I don't send unsolicited messages in the hope of a meet, rarely update my profile, and post new pics on an intermittent basis - so to some that would suggest I'm making no effort at all and that pays out in a lack of meets.
However, given my circumstances and what I'm looking to get out of the site right now, I'm happy with the effort I put into it, which pretty much amounts to posting on the forums and chatting with people I've got to/get to know through them, and if the potential for a meet should come out of that (as it has done during my time with this profile) then it's an unexpected but pleasant bonus.
As my friend the Witch Doc said it's not so much about effort as frame of mind - and I'm more than happy with mine currently. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There's a major reason why I'm on the forum. I'm more inclined to think people here like the social side as well as enjoying sex together. When I did send out a message and saw it deleted/ignored, that to me is 'swiping left' and turned it into a sex site, no effort needed I assume.
Although we are still putting effort in. Like _ady lick above said 'taking photos, tinkering with profile', it's all effort and to see it ignored is what drives people to
Think. Is it worth it? "
The forum is but a tiny proportion of the amount of users on here,but I agree with you that the majority of forum users do lean towards the social side as well as meeting.
Your swipe comment is an interesting perspective,can't say I'd ever thought of it like that before.If that's how you view interaction on here outside the forums I can see how it would change your perspective of the site.
I'd also agree with your last point about being driven to think "Is it worth it" by having your efforts regarding profile and pictures ignored.Can't say it applies to me as I'm not bothered about meeting from Fab,but I understand it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I’m going to add that I also think it is about being ‘known’ on here. As a bloke on here the site opens up much more for you once you are ‘known’. Whether that is on the forum or in the chat rooms. I ventured back into the chat rooms recently and was pleasantly surprised how being ‘known’ changes the experience markedly |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I’m going to add that I also think it is about being ‘known’ on here. As a bloke on here the site opens up much more for you once you are ‘known’. Whether that is on the forum or in the chat rooms. I ventured back into the chat rooms recently and was pleasantly surprised how being ‘known’ changes the experience markedly "
Couldn't agree more my friend - I don't and won't use the chat rooms but one of my pieces of advice to anyone bemoaning their 'luck' in here is to get more active in the forums for that very reason of getting yourself 'known'.
I know for sure that if I didn't use the forums that I would probably have given up on the site a long time ago as sending countless unsolicited messages to people I didn't know and who didn't know me would have been largely both fruitless and pointless.
I think since I've had this profile I've sent less than 5 messages of that sort, and whilst all but one has received a reply they've all not progressed beyond an initial exchange. Not that I am bemoaning that, it's the way of Fab, but it does highlight ow frustrating it can be if you're not 'known' |
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"At the moment, not really looking to meet, so I am not putting much effort in at all really. Come on the forums to keep in touch, pop into chat every now and again. I have all my message filters set quite high too. But, when I am actively looking, I try a bit harder
When you try harder, I'm assuming to look to meet, do you find it a chore, or a real up hill struggle to find something or someone? "
Not a chore, sometimes a little bit of a struggle to find someone who can meet in my limited free time. Also I like to have a social first, a coffee or a drink, and that actually puts some people off. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m going to add that I also think it is about being ‘known’ on here. As a bloke on here the site opens up much more for you once you are ‘known’. Whether that is on the forum or in the chat rooms. I ventured back into the chat rooms recently and was pleasantly surprised how being ‘known’ changes the experience markedly
Couldn't agree more my friend - I don't and won't use the chat rooms but one of my pieces of advice to anyone bemoaning their 'luck' in here is to get more active in the forums for that very reason of getting yourself 'known'.
I know for sure that if I didn't use the forums that I would probably have given up on the site a long time ago as sending countless unsolicited messages to people I didn't know and who didn't know me would have been largely both fruitless and pointless.
I think since I've had this profile I've sent less than 5 messages of that sort, and whilst all but one has received a reply they've all not progressed beyond an initial exchange. Not that I am bemoaning that, it's the way of Fab, but it does highlight ow frustrating it can be if you're not 'known' "
This |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Witchdoc / jo. Being known is a big part of interaction and why I would want to meet. So I guess the more well known you are in fab (chat/forums) the less effort is needed for some. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So I've asked how much mail you've received, and how many you've replied to on Fab. (I know it's not collected over a long length of time) but taking what you know personally, how much effort do you put into Fab?
People have posted before that 'you get out what you put in.' But consider we all get a different amount out, are you personally giving more to Fab than others are who aren't meeting for swinging adventures?
"
I shave my ball sack every other day. Surely that's enough effort
Fuzz |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I could get a fuck at the drop of a hat, like every woman on here; zero effort required. But if I wanted to fuck someone I really liked it would take a huge effort, exactly the same as a dating site. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"So I've asked how much mail you've received, and how many you've replied to on Fab. (I know it's not collected over a long length of time) but taking what you know personally, how much effort do you put into Fab?
People have posted before that 'you get out what you put in.' But consider we all get a different amount out, are you personally giving more to Fab than others are who aren't meeting for swinging adventures?
I shave my ball sack every other day. Surely that's enough effort
Fuzz"
I've winked at at least half a soz one profiles this morning....nothing back. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So I've asked how much mail you've received, and how many you've replied to on Fab. (I know it's not collected over a long length of time) but taking what you know personally, how much effort do you put into Fab?
People have posted before that 'you get out what you put in.' But consider we all get a different amount out, are you personally giving more to Fab than others are who aren't meeting for swinging adventures?
I shave my ball sack every other day. Surely that's enough effort
Fuzz
I've winked at at least half a soz one profiles this morning....nothing back. "
Start a thread about 'Do winks work?'
Fuzz |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"I put zero effort in anymore and give zero fucks. In fact if you round the fucks per year I’ve had off this site since I joined nearly 8 years ago, to the nearest integer, it would be zero."
Blimey. You must love the forum banter a lot. Or sarcasm lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So I've asked how much mail you've received, and how many you've replied to on Fab. (I know it's not collected over a long length of time) but taking what you know personally, how much effort do you put into Fab?
People have posted before that 'you get out what you put in.' But consider we all get a different amount out, are you personally giving more to Fab than others are who aren't meeting for swinging adventures?
I shave my ball sack every other day. Surely that's enough effort
Fuzz
I've winked at at least half a soz one profiles this morning....nothing back. "
and why should you get something back ??
wink at 6 people consecutively in the street , youll get nothing back either... |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Witchdoc / jo. Being known is a big part of interaction and why I would want to meet. So I guess the more well known you are in fab (chat/forums) the less effort is needed for some. "
Who is this jo of which you speak?
Don't think it's a case of less effort is needed as such, more the fact if you are 'known', the easier it is to spark conversations and generate interest in one way or another. One of the things I love about the forums is it gives you a chance to see the personality behind the profile and get a feel for the person.
With a profile all you have to go on are what the user has chosen to display, with the addition of being able to see how they post and interact generally you get to see so much more |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"So I've asked how much mail you've received, and how many you've replied to on Fab. (I know it's not collected over a long length of time) but taking what you know personally, how much effort do you put into Fab?
People have posted before that 'you get out what you put in.' But consider we all get a different amount out, are you personally giving more to Fab than others are who aren't meeting for swinging adventures?
I shave my ball sack every other day. Surely that's enough effort
Fuzz
I've winked at at least half a soz one profiles this morning....nothing back.
Start a thread about 'Do winks work?'
Fuzz"
Top tip. I'll try it tomorrow. |
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By *ola.Woman
over a year ago
Just where I need to be. |
"kind of sums up the site this thread .
no ones putting any effort in .......
just here for chatting ."
No.For me it means I'm not looking for new meets at moment. I have and do meet people I have met before. I put the effort into them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The amount of effort needed is determined by gender, what you look like and how you promote yourself i.e. profile text / photos.
I would agree if you're talking about attracting people in the first place... but to actually find someone to meet that's compatible? I would disagree.
Again I think it depends on the person.
I personally don't think I've made a lot of effort compared to others but I have been lucky enough to attract men who I've totally fancied & met . Now they may disagree and say I did make the effort through photos & interacting with them on forums / messaging that kind of thing.
Once I know I'm compatible with someone then I do make the effort to make sure that we keep in touch & meet...
"
Classylady |
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"Witchdoc / jo. Being known is a big part of interaction and why I would want to meet. So I guess the more well known you are in fab (chat/forums) the less effort is needed for some. "
Good advice guys, and being 'active' in any part of this site is going to get more results than doing nothing at all. I would point out though, that I have been a member of this site for about 5 years now, and up until very recently, I had not met anyone as a result of using the forums. I do not use the chatrooms at all; tried a few times but found them to be too 'cliquey' and fast-paced chatting among friends |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I just put a little effort in trying to make some contact with people and if they are happy to start a relationship of some kind that's great if not no worries I put more effort into maintaining the relationships I already have with people |
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We log on and off during the day and night and love some of the forum threads and some of the messages that we receive.
In reality we have far more fun in the clubs but we keep an open mind on here.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"We log on and off during the day and night and love some of the forum threads and some of the messages that we receive.
In reality we have far more fun in the clubs but we keep an open mind on here. "
That open mind is what keeps me on here and alongside swingers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We log on and off during the day and night and love some of the forum threads and some of the messages that we receive.
In reality we have far more fun in the clubs but we keep an open mind on here.
That open mind is what keeps me on here and alongside swingers. "
Agree with these comments, I concur and feel the same |
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Fascinating thread
My thoughts are that it's very difficult on here if you rely purely on Fab for meets however it can help and I just use it to gather information on when and where the genuine interesting peeps are when it's time to play.
I get nothing out of the site when I'm taking time out but it's an invaluable tool when it's playtime and I can pretty much get meets when I want them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think I make a big effort on here. I post new pics to try and keep my profile fresh and up to date. I participate in Forum chat, offer help and advice. I have been on a few socials and I meet when I can/am able to.
I'm a bit lazy in the message department, sometimes with Friends (apologies) but I do my best.
I guess I make an effort with the people who bother to make an effort with me |
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I'm pretty lazy I guess, quite hard work one of my regular meets told me lol, 'cos I have to be actively pursued! The hardest thing is getting through those initial conversations to something more meaningful usually, I am always hoping for someone really engaging - I am fully prepared to give it my all when I really click with someone who is giving the same. |
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