FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Honesty thread about online dating
Honesty thread about online dating
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nooooooo way from me! I'm quite clear what I want and what I can offer, and being a fulltime girlfriend or wife (*shudder*) is not for me. So fabs it is! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No not looking for a relationship. I was on pof a few years ago and met my fwb who directed me to here."
I can relate to this, was introduced by someone on POF. I have a dating profile but not active. |
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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago
a quandary, could you change my mind? |
No, have absolutely no intention of doing so either. I do know a fair number of people who have met that way, it works for some with the time constraints we all have in our busy lives. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am and have a Match date on Wednesday and a Bumble date on Friday
What's Bumble?"
Same principle as Tinder in that works with your location, but the difference is that when you match it's the female that has to send the first message.
Much better than tinder too |
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I tried it for a long, long time & it triggered an existential crisis, maybe…I think 
Eventually, I realised that my pool of potential partners would only ever be warehouse operatives, 5ft 6' or under from Dudley or Maidenhead. (no offence guys) but I'm an artist with various feminine neurosis & as my soulmate did not appear, I gave up. |
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"I am and have a Match date on Wednesday and a Bumble date on Friday
What's Bumble?
Same principle as Tinder in that works with your location, but the difference is that when you match it's the female that has to send the first message.
Much better than tinder too"
Oh right never heard of it myself,I've resisted being on Tinder. |
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"Not currently... too many people seem to get ultra clingy really fast on Match and POF  "
Yeah funny you should say that,I've just experienced that. He dumped last week because I wasn't into going at a hundred miles an hour in the 2 month's we'd know each other  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am and have a Match date on Wednesday and a Bumble date on Friday
What's Bumble?
Same principle as Tinder in that works with your location, but the difference is that when you match it's the female that has to send the first message.
Much better than tinder too
Oh right never heard of it myself,I've resisted being on Tinder."
Tinder used to be really good but I'd say it's not worth the trouble these days |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not currently... too many people seem to get ultra clingy really fast on Match and POF
Yeah funny you should say that,I've just experienced that. He dumped last week because I wasn't into going at a hundred miles an hour in the 2 month's we'd know each other "
Scary isnt it... not averse to the idea of a relationship, but Im in no rush to settle down either  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm still on pof but don't go on much. When I do I've usually got a tonne of messages that say 'you look FAB wink wink' like they've found out a huge secret  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I came to fab initially because all people on dating sites do is lie about being single and or what it is they are looking for
Ive found fab to be no different |
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I tried several. POF seems to be the best of a bad bunch. Still full of people who should be on here rather than a dating site, but you bump into the odd person who wants to date.
A special shout out to Badoo for being a bunch of transphobic twats. While some T-Girls get away with it, I found my pics being moderated and anything where I looked too feminine being classified "photos of friends" meaning I wasn't allowed to use it as my main profile pic. Once I'd grown and dyed my hair, they wouldn't even let me use recent pics with no makeup and no bra, wearing jeans and a T-Shirt.
I find myself looking for something more meaningful than a one off shag, but without them starting to look at bridesmaids dresses sometime between the first and second date. It's elusive. I miss having a partner when I'm single, but find myself reeling at the loss of freedom and requirement for commitment the moment someone comes along to fill the void.
I think I need a proper friend with benefits (with at least as much emphasis on the friendship as there is on the benefits) rather than an actual relationship, but I'm not sure where to find one of those (it sure as hell isn't happening here.) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm still on pof but don't go on much. When I do I've usually got a tonne of messages that say 'you look FAB wink wink' like they've found out a huge secret
You look fab  "
Doesn't work so well on here! |
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I'm on a few (different username funnily enough). I do want to get back on the relationship horses... so am (trying to) not use those sites for hook ups (it's kinda hard tho as many of the gals are okay with a quick fling as long as there's flirting before hand !!). Ideally it's a relationship that is vanilla on the outside ... and then fab in the inside ... I wonder which site will deliver .... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was on tinder and Badoo but was just guys wanting sex and I don't like dishonest people so sacked them off and joined fab, now I get guys who want to date me.... Just can't win haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was on tinder and Badoo but was just guys wanting sex and I don't like dishonest people so sacked them off and joined fab, now I get guys who want to date me.... Just can't win haha "
Really didnt get on with badoo... like tinder only shittier  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm on a few (different username funnily enough). I do want to get back on the relationship horses... so am (trying to) not use those sites for hook ups (it's kinda hard tho as many of the gals are okay with a quick fling as long as there's flirting before hand !!). Ideally it's a relationship that is vanilla on the outside ... and then fab in the inside ... I wonder which site will deliver ...."
Ditto |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was on tinder and Badoo but was just guys wanting sex and I don't like dishonest people so sacked them off and joined fab, now I get guys who want to date me.... Just can't win haha
Really didnt get on with badoo... like tinder only shittier "
Really? Was the other way round for me |
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"I was on tinder and Badoo but was just guys wanting sex and I don't like dishonest people so sacked them off and joined fab, now I get guys who want to date me.... Just can't win haha
Really didnt get on with badoo... like tinder only shittier
Really? Was the other way round for me"
badoo works in the gals favour as it filters out guys (from what I can see you need to *pay* to message the *popular* gals) so you'd only get messages from *committed* people. I can't be arsed with that as it doesn't feel any better than any other site ... |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
i have no problem with being on different sites as long as people are using then in different motives....
if people are for example using POF in the same way they are using Fab, for exactly the same reason as Fab, then i think they are deliberately misleading people......
i had a POF profile, but was using it for actual dating, I go on every so often but i have a knack of attracting weird women for some reason..... so dating isn't really of my scope at the moment! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i have no problem with being on different sites as long as people are using then in different motives....
if people are for example using POF in the same way they are using Fab, for exactly the same reason as Fab, then i think they are deliberately misleading people......
i had a POF profile, but was using it for actual dating, I go on every so often but i have a knack of attracting weird women for some reason..... so dating isn't really of my scope at the moment!"
i agree with this. when i joined pof was for dating and although my face photos was up i didnt really mention i was on here as fab and dating shouldnt mix i feel |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Currently on Tinder but it won't let me delete my account, keeps coming up with a fault message so have had to hide my profile.
I find online dating just soul destroying and now, at my age, a bit ineffective. Plus most men are shorter than me and either get a hard on because they imagine me to be Xena Warrior Princess or just not willing to meet a taller lady. Or they just live miles away.
POF is the same.
As for the rest i don't want to be tied into monthly payments for nothing.
So i am now leaving it to fate.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was on Pof and match and met mr on Pof. But when we got together I deleted both of them. It worked for me but there is a lot that should be on here as they were only looking for sex x |
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By *s_macWoman
over a year ago
Traffic land |
"i have no problem with being on different sites as long as people are using then in different motives....
if people are for example using POF in the same way they are using Fab, for exactly the same reason as Fab, then i think they are deliberately misleading people......
i had a POF profile, but was using it for actual dating, I go on every so often but i have a knack of attracting weird women for some reason..... so dating isn't really of my scope at the moment!
i agree with this. when i joined pof was for dating and although my face photos was up i didnt really mention i was on here as fab and dating shouldnt mix i feel"
 |
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I'm on a couple of online dating sites, looking for a hopefully long-term relationship.
I also enjoy sex and don't wish to be celibate while I am looking, as 'desperate for a shag' is not a good look for me.
It's only a bad thing if you are dishonest about your intentions. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm on a couple of online dating sites, looking for a hopefully long-term relationship.
I also enjoy sex and don't wish to be celibate while I am looking, as 'desperate for a shag' is not a good look for me.
It's only a bad thing if you are dishonest about your intentions. "
i am in the same situation but not on any dating sites |
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"I was for a while.
Too many weirdos, liars & cheats! 
"
Isn't that the same as any other site including this one? Bi people pretending to be straight, folks that are married pretending to be single and so many other deceptions. It's no wonder so many fabbers are cynical and wary. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was for a while.
Too many weirdos, liars & cheats!
Isn't that the same as any other site including this one? Bi people pretending to be straight, folks that are married pretending to be single and so many other deceptions. It's no wonder so many fabbers are cynical and wary."
pretty much |
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"i have no problem with being on different sites as long as people are using then in different motives....
if people are for example using POF in the same way they are using Fab, for exactly the same reason as Fab, then i think they are deliberately misleading people......
i had a POF profile, but was using it for actual dating, I go on every so often but i have a knack of attracting weird women for some reason..... so dating isn't really of my scope at the moment!
i agree with this. when i joined pof was for dating and although my face photos was up i didnt really mention i was on here as fab and dating shouldnt mix i feel"
|
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I'm polyamorous so yes, I do maintain a profile at that site which is "OK". I've had good fortune there.
Currently my wife and girlfriend keep me pretty busy so I'm not really looking for any new serious connections.
I'm here on Fab looking for casual fun. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I tried it for a long, long time & it triggered an existential crisis, maybe…I think
Eventually, I realised that my pool of potential partners would only ever be warehouse operatives, 5ft 6' or under from Dudley or Maidenhead. (no offence guys) but I'm an artist with various feminine neurosis & as my soulmate did not appear, I gave up."
Just goes to show that, as with a partner, you can find an existential crisis anywhere... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im honestly finding myself considering it. I have never really done the whole dating thing and whilst i know that i will never live with anyone again it doesnt hurt to meet new people x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It depends what you're looking for. I've tried it my recently and honestly, its mainly people looking for sex. That seems to suit a lot of people but I expected more from a dating site if I'm honest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No im not on dating site but a few of my mates are .They show me mesaages and it's just like messages I get on fab .I feel all sites are after sex and men have lost the ability to flirt chat, get too know someone before getting naughty . |
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"No im not on dating site but a few of my mates are .They show me mesaages and it's just like messages I get on fab .I feel all sites are after sex and men have lost the ability to flirt chat, get too know someone before getting naughty . "
From what my wife and female friends show me, you are correct. Even on dating sites the norm seems to be "wanna meet me tonight, I'm horny". The level of communication skills and willingness to interact with women like they are people is lamentable. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No im not on dating site but a few of my mates are .They show me mesaages and it's just like messages I get on fab .I feel all sites are after sex and men have lost the ability to flirt chat, get too know someone before getting naughty .
From what my wife and female friends show me, you are correct. Even on dating sites the norm seems to be "wanna meet me tonight, I'm horny". The level of communication skills and willingness to interact with women like they are people is lamentable. "
Exactly right I was shocked when I read there messages as you would think if people are paying to be on a dating site that be more quality messages as they are trying to find Mr or Mrs right |
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"
Exactly right I was shocked when I read there messages as you would think if people are paying to be on a dating site that be more quality messages as they are trying to find Mr or Mrs right "
The arts of both conversation and flirting seem to be increasingly forgotten by men. |
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I have a profile on there but I don't use it. I did a few years ago, got quite good at it too, but it was hard work.
It was easier to get replys than here, but the women have so much choice, I find a lot of them get distracted by new messages and new guys, so I used to set meets up pretty quickly and meet in real life.
I was always pretty shy talking to women before but dating sites fixed this for me, first talking online, then with so many dates. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Exactly right I was shocked when I read there messages as you would think if people are paying to be on a dating site that be more quality messages as they are trying to find Mr or Mrs right
The arts of both conversation and flirting seem to be increasingly forgotten by men. "
Women do like little things but little things mean alot .Good conversation and showing a interest instead of talking about themselves .my mates last date he talked about himself for 3 hours .He knew nothing about her . |
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By *arlo82Couple
over a year ago
the gym and random places |
I am ...... I don't know why as when i message people they read and delete and every time i log in I have 0 messages. Reminds me of the Bridget Jones answering machine...."you've no new messages, not even from your mother" |
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By *arlo82Couple
over a year ago
the gym and random places |
"I am and have a Match date on Wednesday and a Bumble date on Friday
What's Bumble?
Same principle as Tinder in that works with your location, but the difference is that when you match it's the female that has to send the first message.
Much better than tinder too"
I had a bumble and all I got was creepy messages |
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"I was for a while.
Too many weirdos, liars & cheats!
Isn't that the same as any other site including this one? Bi people pretending to be straight, folks that are married pretending to be single and so many other deceptions. It's no wonder so many fabbers are cynical and wary.
pretty much"
Yep.
I joined, or rather my best friend convinced me to give it a go after being single a long while.
I wasn't looking for love, romance or a Prince charming, just maybe someone I could have fun with, enjoy company, go out with.
Virtually every hit I got on there, had profiles stating 'looking for my soul mate' or similar, but became obvious within a few messages all they really wanted was a shag.
I had a few dates with ones that seemed genuine, but again first date, they assumed there'd be a shag involved, a couple even had wedding rings on, and admitted being married, not disclosed in any previous conversation.
So yes, it is a lot like Fabs, the difference being here, that people are at least upfront about their intentions, it's a Swingers site, so pretty obvious sex is going to be involved, but no one masking it as looking for their Miss Right |
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"
Exactly right I was shocked when I read there messages as you would think if people are paying to be on a dating site that be more quality messages as they are trying to find Mr or Mrs right
The arts of both conversation and flirting seem to be increasingly forgotten by men.
Women do like little things but little things mean alot .Good conversation and showing a interest instead of talking about themselves .my mates last date he talked about himself for 3 hours .He knew nothing about her . "
While I can certainly be guilty of talking about my own life, it's a two way street.... Dating is about getting to know each other, listening as well as talking. A successful date probably ought to result in both people feeling they can tell friends a lot about the person thru just spent time with.
As for ladies being distracted by other messages..... Jeez....engage them, be interesting and interested... Give them reasons to remember you and want to maintain contact. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Exactly right I was shocked when I read there messages as you would think if people are paying to be on a dating site that be more quality messages as they are trying to find Mr or Mrs right
The arts of both conversation and flirting seem to be increasingly forgotten by men.
Women do like little things but little things mean alot .Good conversation and showing a interest instead of talking about themselves .my mates last date he talked about himself for 3 hours .He knew nothing about her .
While I can certainly be guilty of talking about my own life, it's a two way street.... Dating is about getting to know each other, listening as well as talking. A successful date probably ought to result in both people feeling they can tell friends a lot about the person thru just spent time with.
As for ladies being distracted by other messages..... Jeez....engage them, be interesting and interested... Give them reasons to remember you and want to maintain contact. "
Men will only make a impact if they show interest and are honest and polite .one date my friend was on she was dressed lovely .He turned up in joggers and she was put off straight away .maybe he was dressed too casual for first date |
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"
Men will only make a impact if they show interest and are honest and polite .one date my friend was on she was dressed lovely .He turned up in joggers and she was put off straight away .maybe he was dressed too casual for first date "
Not everyone is one for smart clothes, but I think wearing a shirt with buttons and clean trousers are the minimum. Joggers might suggest a guy isn't going to put in much effort into the date - though I do try not to judge books by covers. I don't think Stevenage Jobs wore a shirt in his entire life. |
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"
Men will only make a impact if they show interest and are honest and polite .one date my friend was on she was dressed lovely .He turned up in joggers and she was put off straight away .maybe he was dressed too casual for first date
Not everyone is one for smart clothes, but I think wearing a shirt with buttons and clean trousers are the minimum. Joggers might suggest a guy isn't going to put in much effort into the date - though I do try not to judge books by covers. I don't think Stevenage Jobs wore a shirt in his entire life. "
Steve Jobs.... Ruddy touch screen and SwiftKey. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Men will only make a impact if they show interest and are honest and polite .one date my friend was on she was dressed lovely .He turned up in joggers and she was put off straight away .maybe he was dressed too casual for first date
Not everyone is one for smart clothes, but I think wearing a shirt with buttons and clean trousers are the minimum. Joggers might suggest a guy isn't going to put in much effort into the date - though I do try not to judge books by covers. I don't think Stevenage Jobs wore a shirt in his entire life.
Steve Jobs.... Ruddy touch screen and SwiftKey. "
I think joggers probably comfy wear but not to dress to impress .shirt and jeans at least |
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"
I think joggers probably comfy wear but not to dress to impress .shirt and jeans at least "
In general I agree, though I do have a, friend who cannot wear shirts with collars for medical reasons.... I'd say that good jeans and a shirt are the minimum. It shows the guy thinks the date is of some importance.
Whatever one wears, turning up scruffy is not on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not anymore though I met my late partner through online dating so it does work "
How long time ago?
Just asking as I suspect online dating USED to work but now it does a little bit less? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am and have a Match date on Wednesday and a Bumble date on Friday
What's Bumble?
Same principle as Tinder in that works with your location, but the difference is that when you match it's the female that has to send the first message.
Much better than tinder too
"
Aha! On reflection then Bumble actually offers the same as I gain from using the mail filters on here, it's still me to write the first message.
And on here I'm sure that I find someone who won't think sex is not important. |
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"Not anymore though I met my late partner through online dating so it does work How long time ago?
Just asking as I suspect online dating USED to work but now it does a little bit less?"
I'll bite.
I met my wife nearly 20 years on a dating site back in 1997.
I met my girlfriend on another dating site just this year.
And yes, they both know about each other. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm on POF which is the same as being on here but with less men to choose from
I want to find something a little more than just sex but not a full on relationship.
I need FWB.
But it's not happening |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm on POF, tinder and bumble!
I'm on here for sex till I find a relationship (not that I get sex from here), but that's the idea anyway!
However I've had more luck on tinder than I have on anywhere else! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm on POF, tinder and bumble!
I'm on here for sex till I find a relationship (not that I get sex from here), but that's the idea anyway!
However I've had more luck on tinder than I have on anywhere else!"
Do tell us about Bumble, I'm curious? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm on POF, tinder and bumble!
I'm on here for sex till I find a relationship (not that I get sex from here), but that's the idea anyway!
However I've had more luck on tinder than I have on anywhere else!
Do tell us about Bumble, I'm curious?"
Well it's the hottest app so it's currently more popular than tinder, small differences of you can't change your location or hide your age!
Biggest difference is that when you match the woman has 24hrs to start the chat off or the match goes! And the reply has to be within 24hrs as well! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not anymore though I met my late partner through online dating so it does work How long time ago?
Just asking as I suspect online dating USED to work but now it does a little bit less?"
Was in 2007 and I agree online dating has changed a lot |
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"I tried it for a long, long time & it triggered an existential crisis, maybe…I think
Eventually, I realised that my pool of potential partners would only ever be warehouse operatives, 5ft 6' or under from Dudley or Maidenhead. (no offence guys) but I'm an artist with various feminine neurosis & as my soulmate did not appear, I gave up."
Lol, yes I can relate to this. I still have a couple of profiles up, and I sometimes do the 3 day trials when offered just to see if anything has changed, but I have essentially given up on online dating.
I used to think it was just a numbers game, that if I turned over enough stones eventually I would find something worth keeping, so I needed to be online for the numbers. But I am increasingly aware that the sites are full of players, liars and cheats on the whole, plus those who are socially inept or socially passive!
I am neither, so I have decided the best thing is to get out and do more of the things I am passionate about, connect with the 'real' people out there who are doing the same, and leave the rest to serendipity!  |
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So tricky. I'd like to meet someone who doesn't wanna move in or get married, but who would like to go to dinner, cinema, drinks, occasional cosy night in, but also ok with (once we know and trust each other) swinging too. Kinda more than fwb but less than a serious relationship? No idea how to even describe that.
Online dating - either just looking for sex (mainly) but seriously lacking in social or flirting skills, or cheating, or looking to get very serious very quickly.
I agree the art of dating has been lost |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So tricky. I'd like to meet someone who doesn't wanna move in or get married, but who would like to go to dinner, cinema, drinks, occasional cosy night in, but also ok with (once we know and trust each other) swinging too. Kinda more than fwb but less than a serious relationship? No idea how to even describe that.
Online dating - either just looking for sex (mainly) but seriously lacking in social or flirting skills, or cheating, or looking to get very serious very quickly.
I agree the art of dating has been lost "
This is exactly what I want.
I don't think it exists - or it just isn't available for some of us |
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