FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Emotionally unavailable
Emotionally unavailable
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not looking for love maybe?
I am unsure. I have always found it difficult to be fond of someone when we get down to it otherwise it doesn’t feel the same.
Maybe I should be a girl. There’s still time I suppose now it’s the 21st century  |
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By *s_macWoman
over a year ago
Traffic land |
"Unwilling to share their emotions. Closed off to the idea of love, romance etc.
That's how i see it."
Yes, that's how I see it too and I'd say that's what I am. It's a method of self protection.
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This is a tough one for me. I sometimes confuse having emotion with being a decent human being.
I do things because I think they're nice to do them, others can see that as having an emotional investment.
"Why would you do that for someone you hardly know?"
Me... "coz it's a nice thing to do"
So I kinda struggle to know the boundaries.
For me, I'd say don't expect anything from them, nothing at all, not even friendship.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That should read difficult not to be fond of someone. Damn iPhone update
You can be fond of someone without loving them  "
I'm still fond of my phone after an update.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"That should read difficult not to be fond of someone. Damn iPhone update
You can be fond of someone without loving them "
Yes I've discovered this recently. But it doesn't necessarily make me emotionally unavailable. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Don't try and get close because I will almost certainly hurt you and myself in the process."
Now this is interesting. What makes you to hurt others and because of that hurt you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That should read difficult not to be fond of someone. Damn iPhone update
You can be fond of someone without loving them "
Yes but is that not some form of emotion |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't try and get close because I will almost certainly hurt you and myself in the process.
Now this is interesting. What makes you to hurt others and because of that hurt you?"
I go by history, and fear plays a big part.
I never want to hurt anyone, but I have issues with emotional attachments and self-sabotage so I make myself emotionally unavailable. |
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"Don't try and get close because I will almost certainly hurt you and myself in the process.
Now this is interesting. What makes you to hurt others and because of that hurt you?
I go by history, and fear plays a big part.
I never want to hurt anyone, but I have issues with emotional attachments and self-sabotage so I make myself emotionally unavailable. "
This sounds rather similar to me. I'm a self sabotager. For me I find I do attach quite easily though. Almost like, I'll take the hurt rather than cause the hurt.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What does it mean when you declare yourself emotionally unavailable?"
Damaged. And thus unable or unwilling to connect intimately on an emotional/feelings level.
Or, occupied. For instance in a relationship that fulfils the emotional intimacy and thus only seeking the play rather than the feelings of sex/interaction. Although I'd caveat that it's more likely someone would qualify their situation more fully if in this situation and/or use the term NSA -- as emotionally unavailable has a more negative slant/connotation to it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"That should read difficult not to be fond of someone. Damn iPhone update
You can be fond of someone without loving them
Yes but is that not some form of emotion"
That's actually an excellent point. |
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By *uzie69xTV/TS
over a year ago
Maidstone |
"This is a tough one for me. I sometimes confuse having emotion with being a decent human being.
I do things because I think they're nice to do them, others can see that as having an emotional investment.
"Why would you do that for someone you hardly know?"
Me... "coz it's a nice thing to do"
So I kinda struggle to know the boundaries.
For me, I'd say don't expect anything from them, nothing at all, not even friendship.
"
This... story of my life too. I think we tend to attract emotionally unavailable men... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Don't try and get close because I will almost certainly hurt you and myself in the process.
Now this is interesting. What makes you to hurt others and because of that hurt you?
I go by history, and fear plays a big part.
I never want to hurt anyone, but I have issues with emotional attachments and self-sabotage so I make myself emotionally unavailable.
This sounds rather similar to me. I'm a self sabotager. For me I find I do attach quite easily though. Almost like, I'll take the hurt rather than cause the hurt.
"
What does self sabotage mean in this instance? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I could describe myself as that. Love and romance eventually leads to pain and I can't be doing with that nonsense. "
Loneliness and the break up leads to pain. love didn't hurt anyone. love is one of the most wonderful feelings we can experience, and you can't be doing with that? 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't know but research shows the more partners a person has the harder it is for them to emotionally bond with someone on a meaningful level.
So maybe they've had too many!!! |
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By *lceeWoman
over a year ago
Leeds |
Doesn’t want the potential partner to get clingy or make claims on them after.
I’d freaking love to be emotionally unavailable but I always end up becoming friends with my partners somehow. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I could describe myself as that. Love and romance eventually leads to pain and I can't be doing with that nonsense.
Loneliness and the break up leads to pain. love didn't hurt anyone. love is one of the most wonderful feelings we can experience, and you can't be doing with that?
"
I have love in my life, I have my friends and family who I love. In my experience, romance and love always leads to pain. Maybe I'm waiting for the right person where we'll fall in love forever and that pain will never come. But I highly doubt that person exists. |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"That should read difficult not to be fond of someone. Damn iPhone update
You can be fond of someone without loving them
Yes but is that not some form of emotion
That's actually an excellent point. "
Yes I guess so but I'm not single so for me the fondness I might feel for someone wouldn't ever tip over to be anything other. As Estella so eloquently put it....
Or, occupied. For instance in a relationship that fulfils the emotional intimacy and thus only seeking the play rather than the feelings of sex/interaction |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"That should read difficult not to be fond of someone. Damn iPhone update
You can be fond of someone without loving them
Yes but is that not some form of emotion
That's actually an excellent point.
Yes I guess so but I'm not single so for me the fondness I might feel for someone wouldn't ever tip over to be anything other. As Estella so eloquently put it....
Or, occupied. For instance in a relationship that fulfils the emotional intimacy and thus only seeking the play rather than the feelings of sex/interaction"
You're a very lucky lady indeed!!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"That sounds very convenient
But what if after a meet you had that feeling would you refuse to meet that person again or even bloc then?"
Mmmm another interesting thought. |
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"I could describe myself as that. Love and romance eventually leads to pain and I can't be doing with that nonsense.
Loneliness and the break up leads to pain. love didn't hurt anyone. love is one of the most wonderful feelings we can experience, and you can't be doing with that?
"
Reciprocated love may be one of the best feelings but even then it is not that simple. Love is a risk, leaves you vulnerable and doesn`t suit everyone all of the time.
I like my independence and freedom, at the moment i prefer it to love. I can do what i want, can sleep with who i want and don`t have to worry about compromises or other peoples feelings. Thats not to say i don`t care about other peoples feelings, just that i wish to minimise their impact in my life. I don`t want or need extra responsibilities or demands on my time so I think it is fair to say that I also can`t be doing with love and would consider myself emotionally unavailable. It`s not simply that i am `damaged goods`, although previous relationships obviously factor into my decision but the main reason is that it love just doesn`t have a place in my life at the moment. Maybe one day someone will come along and change that but for now any relationship is pretty much destined to fail simply because i would prefer to be single. For me, at this moment in time being single feels as good as love can feel
I reckon it is also fair to say that love is the reason that break ups hurt so yes, love has hurt plenty of people. If you didn`t love them, it wouldn`t hurt ergo, love hurts. |
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"That sounds very convenient
But what if after a meet you had that feeling would you refuse to meet that person again or even bloc then?"
If you are getting a feeling after a meet, it probably isn`t love unless you have actually been meeting long enough to actually get to know them and build up a meaningful attachment. Anything else is just lust/infatuation and a lot of people confuse one for the other. They can lead to love but are very different. |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
Someone who is emotionally unavailable to me means normally they have just come out of a relationship. These people normally still talk about ex and or the situation leading to break up etc. Its not totally in the past as its still something thats part of todays thoughts for whatever reason. So emotionally they are not free of the past.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I could describe myself as that. Love and romance eventually leads to pain and I can't be doing with that nonsense.
Loneliness and the break up leads to pain. love didn't hurt anyone. love is one of the most wonderful feelings we can experience, and you can't be doing with that?
Reciprocated love may be one of the best feelings but even then it is not that simple. Love is a risk, leaves you vulnerable and doesn`t suit everyone all of the time.
I like my independence and freedom, at the moment i prefer it to love. I can do what i want, can sleep with who i want and don`t have to worry about compromises or other peoples feelings. Thats not to say i don`t care about other peoples feelings, just that i wish to minimise their impact in my life. I don`t want or need extra responsibilities or demands on my time so I think it is fair to say that I also can`t be doing with love and would consider myself emotionally unavailable. It`s not simply that i am `damaged goods`, although previous relationships obviously factor into my decision but the main reason is that it love just doesn`t have a place in my life at the moment. Maybe one day someone will come along and change that but for now any relationship is pretty much destined to fail simply because i would prefer to be single. For me, at this moment in time being single feels as good as love can feel
I reckon it is also fair to say that love is the reason that break ups hurt so yes, love has hurt plenty of people. If you didn`t love them, it wouldn`t hurt ergo, love hurts. "
So your saying you couldn't love someone, and be content with that feeling/emotion unless they specifically reciprocate that back to you?
Anyone else feel that way on Fab?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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no matter how hard you try and push or keep emotions under control - they will just keep on doing their own thing - whether or not you choose to show it - well thats a different matter |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know but research shows the more partners a person has the harder it is for them to emotionally bond with someone on a meaningful level.
So maybe they've had too many!!!"
That explains a lot.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is a tough one for me. I sometimes confuse having emotion with being a decent human being.
I do things because I think they're nice to do them, others can see that as having an emotional investment.
"Why would you do that for someone you hardly know?"
Me... "coz it's a nice thing to do"
So I kinda struggle to know the boundaries.
For me, I'd say don't expect anything from them, nothing at all, not even friendship.
"
Doing what kind of things? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know but research shows the more partners a person has the harder it is for them to emotionally bond with someone on a meaningful level.
So maybe they've had too many!!!
That explains a lot. "
Maybe, maybe that explains why we get infatuated at such a young age.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know but research shows the more partners a person has the harder it is for them to emotionally bond with someone on a meaningful level.
So maybe they've had too many!!!
That explains a lot.
Maybe, maybe that explains why we get infatuated at such a young age.
"
True.
I was thinking more of people on sites such as these that have no care or concern for the people they fuck. Treating them like a vessel to use then dismiss. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know but research shows the more partners a person has the harder it is for them to emotionally bond with someone on a meaningful level.
So maybe they've had too many!!!
That explains a lot.
Maybe, maybe that explains why we get infatuated at such a young age.
True.
I was thinking more of people on sites such as these that have no care or concern for the people they fuck. Treating them like a vessel to use then dismiss. "
So that person who's not got their first verification, is all of a sudden more appropriate to meet for someone who likes to feel something for someone.
I wonder if that'sanother reason why some won't meet those with dozens of veris? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is a tough one for me. I sometimes confuse having emotion with being a decent human being.
I do things because I think they're nice to do them, others can see that as having an emotional investment.
"Why would you do that for someone you hardly know?"
Me... "coz it's a nice thing to do"
So I kinda struggle to know the boundaries.
For me, I'd say don't expect anything from them, nothing at all, not even friendship.
"
You're not alone. most people confuse the two. Just being considerate towards someone doesn't mean you feel strong emotions for them, you are just a nice person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Doesn’t want the potential partner to get clingy or make claims on them after.
I’d freaking love to be emotionally unavailable but I always end up becoming friends with my partners somehow."
Being friends is fine but if you don't want to go further with a committed relationship, then you must both accept that. Surely you have friends that you don't want to spend your life with? |
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"I could describe myself as that. Love and romance eventually leads to pain and I can't be doing with that nonsense.
Loneliness and the break up leads to pain. love didn't hurt anyone. love is one of the most wonderful feelings we can experience, and you can't be doing with that?
Reciprocated love may be one of the best feelings but even then it is not that simple. Love is a risk, leaves you vulnerable and doesn`t suit everyone all of the time.
I like my independence and freedom, at the moment i prefer it to love. I can do what i want, can sleep with who i want and don`t have to worry about compromises or other peoples feelings. Thats not to say i don`t care about other peoples feelings, just that i wish to minimise their impact in my life. I don`t want or need extra responsibilities or demands on my time so I think it is fair to say that I also can`t be doing with love and would consider myself emotionally unavailable. It`s not simply that i am `damaged goods`, although previous relationships obviously factor into my decision but the main reason is that it love just doesn`t have a place in my life at the moment. Maybe one day someone will come along and change that but for now any relationship is pretty much destined to fail simply because i would prefer to be single. For me, at this moment in time being single feels as good as love can feel
I reckon it is also fair to say that love is the reason that break ups hurt so yes, love has hurt plenty of people. If you didn`t love them, it wouldn`t hurt ergo, love hurts.
So your saying you couldn't love someone, and be content with that feeling/emotion unless they specifically reciprocate that back to you?
Anyone else feel that way on Fab? "
No, I am saying that unrequited love is far from the "the best feeling".
It has no bearing on whether you can love them but it is the difference between it being fulfilling or feeling more like curse.
Are you saying you could be content loving someone that doesn`t love you? |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
maybe me being cynical.. but that would almost say to me that their "emotions" are elsewhere.... possibly with a person offline who has no idea of what they are doing.....
basically a fancy way of saying attached!!! |
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"I don't know but research shows the more partners a person has the harder it is for them to emotionally bond with someone on a meaningful level.
So maybe they've had too many!!!"
Or maybe they have more partners because they don`t make/want an emotional bond in the first place? |
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"maybe me being cynical.. but that would almost say to me that their "emotions" are elsewhere.... possibly with a person offline who has no idea of what they are doing.....
basically a fancy way of saying attached!!! "
It is a cynical view but is no doubt true in some instances, just not all... |
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"Ermm...it's complicated 
You ignited my question. I'd like to hear from you...please. Explain."
means they have a girlfriend so can only offer nsa. That's what it means If I was saying it but could mean different to others.best thing you could do is just tell the guy to explain better. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't know but research shows the more partners a person has the harder it is for them to emotionally bond with someone on a meaningful level.
So maybe they've had too many!!!
Or maybe they have more partners because they don`t make/want an emotional bond in the first place? "
I've been thinking along those lines. Perhaps a person guards themselves from becoming too emotionally involved by having many partners. |
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"I could describe myself as that. Love and romance eventually leads to pain and I can't be doing with that nonsense.
Loneliness and the break up leads to pain. love didn't hurt anyone. love is one of the most wonderful feelings we can experience, and you can't be doing with that?
Reciprocated love may be one of the best feelings but even then it is not that simple. Love is a risk, leaves you vulnerable and doesn`t suit everyone all of the time.
I like my independence and freedom, at the moment i prefer it to love. I can do what i want, can sleep with who i want and don`t have to worry about compromises or other peoples feelings. Thats not to say i don`t care about other peoples feelings, just that i wish to minimise their impact in my life. I don`t want or need extra responsibilities or demands on my time so I think it is fair to say that I also can`t be doing with love and would consider myself emotionally unavailable. It`s not simply that i am `damaged goods`, although previous relationships obviously factor into my decision but the main reason is that it love just doesn`t have a place in my life at the moment. Maybe one day someone will come along and change that but for now any relationship is pretty much destined to fail simply because i would prefer to be single. For me, at this moment in time being single feels as good as love can feel
I reckon it is also fair to say that love is the reason that break ups hurt so yes, love has hurt plenty of people. If you didn`t love them, it wouldn`t hurt ergo, love hurts. "
I for one completely agree with this! |
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"I don't know but research shows the more partners a person has the harder it is for them to emotionally bond with someone on a meaningful level.
So maybe they've had too many!!!
Or maybe they have more partners because they don`t make/want an emotional bond in the first place?
I've been thinking along those lines. Perhaps a person guards themselves from becoming too emotionally involved by having many partners. "
Or perhaps they just don`t get emotionally attached. Maybe they are a sociopath like someone previously suggested or married or just simply desire to be single for what ever reason. They are not necessarily guarding themselves, some people are better at realising that sex isn`t love, others fall in love (or what they think is love) at the merest whiff of attention.
As frisky mare just said, it could be many reasons.
The only thing you can reliably deduce from the statement "emotionally unavailable" is that they do not want emotional attachment. You can try and work out why but it makes no difference to the end result.
There seems to be a lot of people implying it is a negative or bad thing to say when really they are being straight and upfront about what they want as opposed to the ones that lie about their feelings/intentions and lead you along. |
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"I could describe myself as that. Love and romance eventually leads to pain and I can't be doing with that nonsense.
Loneliness and the break up leads to pain. love didn't hurt anyone. love is one of the most wonderful feelings we can experience, and you can't be doing with that?
Reciprocated love may be one of the best feelings but even then it is not that simple. Love is a risk, leaves you vulnerable and doesn`t suit everyone all of the time.
I like my independence and freedom, at the moment i prefer it to love. I can do what i want, can sleep with who i want and don`t have to worry about compromises or other peoples feelings. Thats not to say i don`t care about other peoples feelings, just that i wish to minimise their impact in my life. I don`t want or need extra responsibilities or demands on my time so I think it is fair to say that I also can`t be doing with love and would consider myself emotionally unavailable. It`s not simply that i am `damaged goods`, although previous relationships obviously factor into my decision but the main reason is that it love just doesn`t have a place in my life at the moment. Maybe one day someone will come along and change that but for now any relationship is pretty much destined to fail simply because i would prefer to be single. For me, at this moment in time being single feels as good as love can feel
I reckon it is also fair to say that love is the reason that break ups hurt so yes, love has hurt plenty of people. If you didn`t love them, it wouldn`t hurt ergo, love hurts.
I for one completely agree with this!"
Thankyou. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know but research shows the more partners a person has the harder it is for them to emotionally bond with someone on a meaningful level.
So maybe they've had too many!!!
That explains a lot.
Maybe, maybe that explains why we get infatuated at such a young age.
True.
I was thinking more of people on sites such as these that have no care or concern for the people they fuck. Treating them like a vessel to use then dismiss.
So that person who's not got their first verification, is all of a sudden more appropriate to meet for someone who likes to feel something for someone.
I wonder if that's another reason why some won't meet those with dozens of veris? "
Quite possibly. |
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"
I was thinking more of people on sites such as these that have no care or concern for the people they fuck. Treating them like a vessel to use then dismiss. "
Emotionally unavailable doesn`t mean you have no respect for the person you have slept with. Having sex with someone also doesn`t mean that you have to be emotionally attached to them and/or become their friend.
People are different and need/expect diferent things from their interactions with others, all equally valid and definately not compatible. Yes there are some that may treat people as disposable but equally there are those that treat people like property and think they own you because you have had sex. These are extremes of behavior and no basis to judge everyone by. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I was thinking more of people on sites such as these that have no care or concern for the people they fuck. Treating them like a vessel to use then dismiss.
Emotionally unavailable doesn`t mean you have no respect for the person you have slept with. Having sex with someone also doesn`t mean that you have to be emotionally attached to them and/or become their friend.
People are different and need/expect diferent things from their interactions with others, all equally valid and definately not compatible. Yes there are some that may treat people as disposable but equally there are those that treat people like property and think they own you because you have had sex. These are extremes of behavior and no basis to judge everyone by."
Experience tells me different. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't know but research shows the more partners a person has the harder it is for them to emotionally bond with someone on a meaningful level.
So maybe they've had too many!!!
Or maybe they have more partners because they don`t make/want an emotional bond in the first place?
I've been thinking along those lines. Perhaps a person guards themselves from becoming too emotionally involved by having many partners.
Or perhaps they just don`t get emotionally attached. Maybe they are a sociopath like someone previously suggested or married or just simply desire to be single for what ever reason. They are not necessarily guarding themselves, some people are better at realising that sex isn`t love, others fall in love (or what they think is love) at the merest whiff of attention.
As frisky mare just said, it could be many reasons.
The only thing you can reliably deduce from the statement "emotionally unavailable" is that they do not want emotional attachment. You can try and work out why but it makes no difference to the end result.
There seems to be a lot of people implying it is a negative or bad thing to say when really they are being straight and upfront about what they want as opposed to the ones that lie about their feelings/intentions and lead you along. "
This 100%. The important thing to me is, if a man tells you he is unemotionally available then believe him. Life is not a cheesy romcom, if they are giving it to you straight then take their word for it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yup
Damaged goods - wonder what percentage of swingers belong in the aforementioned category?"
There cant be that many people who havent been hurt by someone they love surely. Think most are damaged to some degree be they swingers or not. |
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"Wants to do there own thing isn't mature enough to commit "
It's very mature to be able to say to someone that you have NO intention of getting emotionally involved.
It would be immature to let others believe there was more to meeting than sex. |
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"I don't know but research shows the more partners a person has the harder it is for them to emotionally bond with someone on a meaningful level.
So maybe they've had too many!!!
Or maybe they have more partners because they don`t make/want an emotional bond in the first place?
I've been thinking along those lines. Perhaps a person guards themselves from becoming too emotionally involved by having many partners.
Or perhaps they just don`t get emotionally attached. Maybe they are a sociopath like someone previously suggested or married or just simply desire to be single for what ever reason. They are not necessarily guarding themselves, some people are better at realising that sex isn`t love, others fall in love (or what they think is love) at the merest whiff of attention.
As frisky mare just said, it could be many reasons.
The only thing you can reliably deduce from the statement "emotionally unavailable" is that they do not want emotional attachment. You can try and work out why but it makes no difference to the end result.
There seems to be a lot of people implying it is a negative or bad thing to say when really they are being straight and upfront about what they want as opposed to the ones that lie about their feelings/intentions and lead you along. "
Agreed and also I agree with what you said below.
End of the day we don't know what the person who said it meant. |
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"
I was thinking more of people on sites such as these that have no care or concern for the people they fuck. Treating them like a vessel to use then dismiss.
Emotionally unavailable doesn`t mean you have no respect for the person you have slept with. Having sex with someone also doesn`t mean that you have to be emotionally attached to them and/or become their friend.
People are different and need/expect diferent things from their interactions with others, all equally valid and definately not compatible. Yes there are some that may treat people as disposable but equally there are those that treat people like property and think they own you because you have had sex. These are extremes of behavior and no basis to judge everyone by.
Experience tells me different. "
My experience tells me that the women that have a problem with an emotionally unavailable man, are the ones that think they can change and/or own him.
Three times I have had women get pissy even though they where told from the start not to expect anything more and treated with honesty and respect. They all used similar arguments to you, like saying i used them, dont care, selfish etc which ironically applied to them more than me. |
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"Wants to do there own thing isn't mature enough to commit
It's very mature to be able to say to someone that you have NO intention of getting emotionally involved.
It would be immature to let others believe there was more to meeting than sex. "
Exactly |
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"I don't know but research shows the more partners a person has the harder it is for them to emotionally bond with someone on a meaningful level.
So maybe they've had too many!!!
Or maybe they have more partners because they don`t make/want an emotional bond in the first place?
I've been thinking along those lines. Perhaps a person guards themselves from becoming too emotionally involved by having many partners.
Or perhaps they just don`t get emotionally attached. Maybe they are a sociopath like someone previously suggested or married or just simply desire to be single for what ever reason. They are not necessarily guarding themselves, some people are better at realising that sex isn`t love, others fall in love (or what they think is love) at the merest whiff of attention.
As frisky mare just said, it could be many reasons.
The only thing you can reliably deduce from the statement "emotionally unavailable" is that they do not want emotional attachment. You can try and work out why but it makes no difference to the end result.
There seems to be a lot of people implying it is a negative or bad thing to say when really they are being straight and upfront about what they want as opposed to the ones that lie about their feelings/intentions and lead you along.
This 100%. The important thing to me is, if a man tells you he is unemotionally available then believe him. Life is not a cheesy romcom, if they are giving it to you straight then take their word for it. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I was thinking more of people on sites such as these that have no care or concern for the people they fuck. Treating them like a vessel to use then dismiss.
Emotionally unavailable doesn`t mean you have no respect for the person you have slept with. Having sex with someone also doesn`t mean that you have to be emotionally attached to them and/or become their friend.
People are different and need/expect diferent things from their interactions with others, all equally valid and definately not compatible. Yes there are some that may treat people as disposable but equally there are those that treat people like property and think they own you because you have had sex. These are extremes of behavior and no basis to judge everyone by.
Experience tells me different.
My experience tells me that the women that have a problem with an emotionally unavailable man, are the ones that think they can change and/or own him.
Three times I have had women get pissy even though they where told from the start not to expect anything more and treated with honesty and respect. They all used similar arguments to you, like saying i used them, dont care, selfish etc which ironically applied to them more than me. "
I'm not arguing.  |
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"
I was thinking more of people on sites such as these that have no care or concern for the people they fuck. Treating them like a vessel to use then dismiss.
Emotionally unavailable doesn`t mean you have no respect for the person you have slept with. Having sex with someone also doesn`t mean that you have to be emotionally attached to them and/or become their friend.
People are different and need/expect diferent things from their interactions with others, all equally valid and definately not compatible. Yes there are some that may treat people as disposable but equally there are those that treat people like property and think they own you because you have had sex. These are extremes of behavior and no basis to judge everyone by.
Experience tells me different.
My experience tells me that the women that have a problem with an emotionally unavailable man, are the ones that think they can change and/or own him.
Three times I have had women get pissy even though they where told from the start not to expect anything more and treated with honesty and respect. They all used similar arguments to you, like saying i used them, dont care, selfish etc which ironically applied to them more than me.
I'm not arguing. "
Going off your previous two posts it sure seems that you are making an argument (expressing and trying to justify an alternative opinion) that emotionally unavailable men have no respect and selfishly use women for sex.
I said it`s not strictly true, you implied it is.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I was thinking more of people on sites such as these that have no care or concern for the people they fuck. Treating them like a vessel to use then dismiss.
Emotionally unavailable doesn`t mean you have no respect for the person you have slept with. Having sex with someone also doesn`t mean that you have to be emotionally attached to them and/or become their friend.
People are different and need/expect diferent things from their interactions with others, all equally valid and definately not compatible. Yes there are some that may treat people as disposable but equally there are those that treat people like property and think they own you because you have had sex. These are extremes of behavior and no basis to judge everyone by.
Experience tells me different.
My experience tells me that the women that have a problem with an emotionally unavailable man, are the ones that think they can change and/or own him.
Three times I have had women get pissy even though they where told from the start not to expect anything more and treated with honesty and respect. They all used similar arguments to you, like saying i used them, dont care, selfish etc which ironically applied to them more than me.
I'm not arguing.
Going off your previous two posts it sure seems that you are making an argument (expressing and trying to justify an alternative opinion) that emotionally unavailable men have no respect and selfishly use women for sex.
I said it`s not strictly true, you implied it is.
"
Sometimes it is. I didn't say always. |
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"
I was thinking more of people on sites such as these that have no care or concern for the people they fuck. Treating them like a vessel to use then dismiss.
Emotionally unavailable doesn`t mean you have no respect for the person you have slept with. Having sex with someone also doesn`t mean that you have to be emotionally attached to them and/or become their friend.
People are different and need/expect diferent things from their interactions with others, all equally valid and definately not compatible. Yes there are some that may treat people as disposable but equally there are those that treat people like property and think they own you because you have had sex. These are extremes of behavior and no basis to judge everyone by.
Experience tells me different.
My experience tells me that the women that have a problem with an emotionally unavailable man, are the ones that think they can change and/or own him.
Three times I have had women get pissy even though they where told from the start not to expect anything more and treated with honesty and respect. They all used similar arguments to you, like saying i used them, dont care, selfish etc which ironically applied to them more than me.
I'm not arguing.
Going off your previous two posts it sure seems that you are making an argument (expressing and trying to justify an alternative opinion) that emotionally unavailable men have no respect and selfishly use women for sex.
I said it`s not strictly true, you implied it is.
Sometimes it is. I didn't say always. "
I said the cases where people do treat others badly are no basis to judge everyone by. You said "experience tells me different", implying that all emotionally unavailable men will treat others badly and will judge them accordingly. |
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"
I was thinking more of people on sites such as these that have no care or concern for the people they fuck. Treating them like a vessel to use then dismiss.
Emotionally unavailable doesn`t mean you have no respect for the person you have slept with. Having sex with someone also doesn`t mean that you have to be emotionally attached to them and/or become their friend.
People are different and need/expect diferent things from their interactions with others, all equally valid and definately not compatible. Yes there are some that may treat people as disposable but equally there are those that treat people like property and think they own you because you have had sex. These are extremes of behavior and no basis to judge everyone by.
Experience tells me different.
My experience tells me that the women that have a problem with an emotionally unavailable man, are the ones that think they can change and/or own him.
Three times I have had women get pissy even though they where told from the start not to expect anything more and treated with honesty and respect. They all used similar arguments to you, like saying i used them, dont care, selfish etc which ironically applied to them more than me.
I'm not arguing.
Going off your previous two posts it sure seems that you are making an argument (expressing and trying to justify an alternative opinion) that emotionally unavailable men have no respect and selfishly use women for sex.
I said it`s not strictly true, you implied it is.
Sometimes it is. I didn't say always.
I said the cases where people do treat others badly are no basis to judge everyone by. You said "experience tells me different", implying that all emotionally unavailable men will treat others badly and will judge them accordingly. "
*you will judge them accordingly |
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To me it means that someone is not currently able or willing to invest any emotions in another person. The reasons for this could be any of those mentioned above.
I think that by 'emotions' we tend to mean love. I recently had a discussion with a Fab friend in which i said I don't do emotions with the people I meet on here.
He questioned me further and determined that I do 'do' emotions. Just not love. I can be fond of people, I can be friends with people, I can get excited to see someone I like. All emotions.
I have been closed off to 'emotions' for a long time, because of previous experiences. Not a broken heart though.
I feel differently now and could handle 'emotions'. But this is only because I am now mentally strong enough to not let someone else destroy me if things were to go wrong.
I would be able to just get on with my life |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is a tough one for me. I sometimes confuse having emotion with being a decent human being.
I do things because I think they're nice to do them, others can see that as having an emotional investment.
"Why would you do that for someone you hardly know?"
Me... "coz it's a nice thing to do"
So I kinda struggle to know the boundaries.
For me, I'd say don't expect anything from them, nothing at all, not even friendship.
"
Exactly this! |
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