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Abusive Relationship's
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"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging. " No, it's worse. Bruises heal, mental and psychological scars never go  | |||
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"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging. " I quite agree been through that myself,never goes away,the feeling of you been worthless | |||
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"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging. I quite agree been through that myself,never goes away,the feeling of you been worthless " The feeling of worthlessness is the worst. It's made me contemplate ending my own existence many times. | |||
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"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging. I quite agree been through that myself,never goes away,the feeling of you been worthless " Me too, it’s brutal. | |||
"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging. I quite agree been through that myself,never goes away,the feeling of you been worthless " Yep The bruises fade. The bones mend. But some scars will never heal. | |||
"I think men will take alot more shit than women these days. Women are more empowered now" It's not about taking shit, or being empowered. The serious shit creeps up over years, believe me, you don't see it coming until it's too late and by then, it's your life. | |||
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"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging. " Very much so, psychological damage often never goes away x | |||
"I think men will take alot more shit than women these days. Women are more empowered now It's not about taking shit, or being empowered. The serious shit creeps up over years, believe me, you don't see it coming until it's too late and by then, it's your life. " but what i mean by this is say 30 years ago women were stay at home wives and men made the money and went out on the piss and did the cheating. And if the relationship was abusive physically the woman would be even more scared to step out of line. Im talking from experience and seeing my parents relationship. I think these days women know they do not have to suffer or put up with this shit so they simply walk away. | |||
"I think men will take alot more shit than women these days. Women are more empowered now It's not about taking shit, or being empowered. The serious shit creeps up over years, believe me, you don't see it coming until it's too late and by then, it's your life. " nice bum btw  | |||
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"I think men will take alot more shit than women these days. Women are more empowered now It's not about taking shit, or being empowered. The serious shit creeps up over years, believe me, you don't see it coming until it's too late and by then, it's your life. but what i mean by this is say 30 years ago women were stay at home wives and men made the money and went out on the piss and did the cheating. And if the relationship was abusive physically the woman would be even more scared to step out of line. Im talking from experience and seeing my parents relationship. I think these days women know they do not have to suffer or put up with this shit so they simply walk away. " You'd be surprised, not much has changed in 30 years | |||
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"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging. I quite agree been through that myself,never goes away,the feeling of you been worthless Yep The bruises fade. The bones mend. But some scars will never heal. " The worst feeling ever, and even if you walk away the damage is done and follows you forever x | |||
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"Define abusive? 9 years of increasingly controlling, manipulative conditioning behaviour, to the point of a mental breakdown and suicide attempt? "Yes, manipulation is foul. Even speaking to someone with contempt can be really damaging. | |||
"Define abusive? 9 years of increasingly controlling, manipulative conditioning behaviour, to the point of a mental breakdown and suicide attempt?
Yes, manipulation is foul. Even speaking to someone with contempt can be really damaging."Yes... I went through some manipulation its horrible... just glad it's over I suppose | |||
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"Define abusive? 9 years of increasingly controlling, manipulative conditioning behaviour, to the point of a mental breakdown and suicide attempt?
Yes, manipulation is foul. Even speaking to someone with contempt can be really damaging.
Yes... I went through some manipulation its horrible... just glad it's over I suppose "Luckily for me my ex was too busy pretending to be perfect to ever do anything much.....his primary weapon was NOT doing anything, lol, passive aggression I think they would call it! But when I hear the way some guy's ex's used to talk to them I am appalled. | |||
"Define abusive? 9 years of increasingly controlling, manipulative conditioning behaviour, to the point of a mental breakdown and suicide attempt?
Yes, manipulation is foul. Even speaking to someone with contempt can be really damaging.
Yes... I went through some manipulation its horrible... just glad it's over I suppose "It can be severely damaging. 1yr after separating it still continues, using our kids as leverage and psychological weapons. | |||
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"One of my besties was. He endured 8 years of mental and physical abuse from his wife, thankfully he’s out the other side now. He was so ashamed, it took him years to open up to someone. "That's so incredibly sad he wasn't able to be open to those closest to him  | |||
"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging. " if not more so - physical injuries heal - the mental scars affect your reactions for a long time and often never go away | |||
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"I've seen way too much of it unfortunately. The worst part is the guys suffering the abuse don't release it "J0hnny is here for you.  | |||
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"I think men will take alot more shit than women these days. Women are more empowered now It's not about taking shit, or being empowered. The serious shit creeps up over years, believe me, you don't see it coming until it's too late and by then, it's your life. but what i mean by this is say 30 years ago women were stay at home wives and men made the money and went out on the piss and did the cheating. And if the relationship was abusive physically the woman would be even more scared to step out of line. Im talking from experience and seeing my parents relationship. I think these days women know they do not have to suffer or put up with this shit so they simply walk away. " Simply walk away? 
If only it were simple | |||
"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging. Very much so, psychological damage often never goes away x " Absolutely and even after you have been out of the relationship for a few years, a few choice words from them can send you right back where you were, feeling as as worthless, belittled and unworthy as you did back then | |||
"You hear a lot about women been in a violent and abusive relationship,just wondering how many of you men have been " Nop cos Ive Never had a relationship.  | |||
"My partner's family demanded that she not make any monetary contribution to household bills though she worked. She was allowed to earn and save for herself but if I spent any money on anything for myself she would get upset. In 8 years I never had a new pair of underwear or shoes, but she always had new things at least once a month or two. I would still compliment her and tell her how lovely everything looked on her. I once brought a new pair of shoes and a jacket and she didn't even compliment me though I put it on display for her and showed her. I felt so alone and neglected yet had to take care of her every little need like she was my daughter and not my equal partner which I constantly asked for but never received. She got extremely angry when I began wearing a suit and tie for work and resented and success I achieved. Extremely narcissistically jealous and withholding. Would never ever ever apologise for anything and would always use tears as a weapon. Had a cold stare that betrayed her reputation as sweet. Very stingy, resented giving charity. I could write a few volumes. " What made you stay with her for 8 years? | |||
"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging. " for years my late wife would keep me feeling worthless and kept saying when our daughter was old enough she was going to leave me. just after our daughter was 13 the wife died of a brain cancer. She did leave me but not in the way she expected, karma works in strange ways | |||
"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging. for years my late wife would keep me feeling worthless and kept saying when our daughter was old enough she was going to leave me. just after our daughter was 13 the wife died of a brain cancer. She did leave me but not in the way she expected, karma works in strange ways " I feel for your daughter | |||
"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging. for years my late wife would keep me feeling worthless and kept saying when our daughter was old enough she was going to leave me. just after our daughter was 13 the wife died of a brain cancer. She did leave me but not in the way she expected, karma works in strange ways I feel for your daughter " years later I found out that she was well aware of my situation, and the karma bit is a quote from what she said to me, and we are still very close even though she is married with 3 kids now | |||
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"Genuine question to the ladies. If you are in a abusive relationship y do you stay in it wen thar are guys that wood treet you like a queen ? Serious question." I had someone I couldn't take with me who I looked after. My husband refused to leave and I didn't want to make the house more unbearable for my children by arguing with him. | |||
"Genuine question to the ladies. If you are in a abusive relationship y do you stay in it wen thar are guys that wood treet you like a queen ? Serious question. I had someone I couldn't take with me who I looked after. My husband refused to leave and I didn't want to make the house more unbearable for my children by arguing with him. " I wouldn't have left him for another man. I wasn't with him because I didn't want to be alone. | |||
"Genuine question to the ladies. If you are in a abusive relationship y do you stay in it wen thar are guys that wood treet you like a queen ? Serious question. I had someone I couldn't take with me who I looked after. My husband refused to leave and I didn't want to make the house more unbearable for my children by arguing with him. I wouldn't have left him for another man. I wasn't with him because I didn't want to be alone. " Ok. | |||
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"Genuine question to the ladies. If you are in a abusive relationship y do you stay in it wen thar are guys that wood treet you like a queen ? Serious question." When it's mental abuse, It can start off small and get worse over a period of years, you don't see it happening for a long time, you think they're looking after you, but they are slowly taking control of you, they make you feel guilty and selfish for wanting to do something for yourself, they always point out what you've done wrong or mistakes you've made, no compliments for things you've done right, they take your mental strength and tell you your weak and to man up, but when you do you're told you're being unreasonable, overreacting and make you feel guilty, they give you just enough reassurance to make you think things will change, but they don't, and it's your own fault. Leaving doesnt even cross your mind because youre tring so hard to please them to get a little appreciation. When it does all go wrong, they know every single weakness you have and target them to destroy you. | |||
"Genuine question to the ladies. If you are in a abusive relationship y do you stay in it wen thar are guys that wood treet you like a queen ? Serious question. When it's mental abuse, It can start off small and get worse over a period of years, you don't see it happening for a long time, you think they're looking after you, but they are slowly taking control of you, they make you feel guilty and selfish for wanting to do something for yourself, they always point out what you've done wrong or mistakes you've made, no compliments for things you've done right, they take your mental strength and tell you your weak and to man up, but when you do you're told you're being unreasonable, overreacting and make you feel guilty, they give you just enough reassurance to make you think things will change, but they don't, and it's your own fault. Leaving doesnt even cross your mind because youre tring so hard to please them to get a little appreciation. When it does all go wrong, they know every single weakness you have and target them to destroy you." This and this is also the reason why "Why didn't you just leave" is such a ridiculous question | |||
"Genuine question to the ladies. If you are in a abusive relationship y do you stay in it wen thar are guys that wood treet you like a queen ? Serious question. When it's mental abuse, It can start off small and get worse over a period of years, you don't see it happening for a long time, you think they're looking after you, but they are slowly taking control of you, they make you feel guilty and selfish for wanting to do something for yourself, they always point out what you've done wrong or mistakes you've made, no compliments for things you've done right, they take your mental strength and tell you your weak and to man up, but when you do you're told you're being unreasonable, overreacting and make you feel guilty, they give you just enough reassurance to make you think things will change, but they don't, and it's your own fault. Leaving doesnt even cross your mind because youre tring so hard to please them to get a little appreciation. When it does all go wrong, they know every single weakness you have and target them to destroy you. This and this is also the reason why "Why didn't you just leave" is such a ridiculous question" I thought it was just in my head, that's what I was told to think. | |||
"Genuine question to the ladies. If you are in a abusive relationship y do you stay in it wen thar are guys that wood treet you like a queen ? Serious question. When it's mental abuse, It can start off small and get worse over a period of years, you don't see it happening for a long time, you think they're looking after you, but they are slowly taking control of you, they make you feel guilty and selfish for wanting to do something for yourself, they always point out what you've done wrong or mistakes you've made, no compliments for things you've done right, they take your mental strength and tell you your weak and to man up, but when you do you're told you're being unreasonable, overreacting and make you feel guilty, they give you just enough reassurance to make you think things will change, but they don't, and it's your own fault. Leaving doesnt even cross your mind because youre tring so hard to please them to get a little appreciation. When it does all go wrong, they know every single weakness you have and target them to destroy you. This and this is also the reason why "Why didn't you just leave" is such a ridiculous question I thought it was just in my head, that's what I was told to think." It was my normal, didn't see a thing until I was out the other side | |||
"Genuine question to the ladies. If you are in a abusive relationship y do you stay in it wen thar are guys that wood treet you like a queen ? Serious question. When it's mental abuse, It can start off small and get worse over a period of years, you don't see it happening for a long time, you think they're looking after you, but they are slowly taking control of you, they make you feel guilty and selfish for wanting to do something for yourself, they always point out what you've done wrong or mistakes you've made, no compliments for things you've done right, they take your mental strength and tell you your weak and to man up, but when you do you're told you're being unreasonable, overreacting and make you feel guilty, they give you just enough reassurance to make you think things will change, but they don't, and it's your own fault. Leaving doesnt even cross your mind because youre tring so hard to please them to get a little appreciation. When it does all go wrong, they know every single weakness you have and target them to destroy you." And you keep it secret from everyone because they're the only person that knows you and what you need. I had that for 22 years he destroyed my confidence in myself that I believed no one else would ever want me again. Those type of scars whilst not visible are more permanent and equally damaging x | |||
"Quite a few I think. Men just rarely discuss it because they know many will see them as 'soft'! Double standards are still very much alive and well in many areas - and sadly this is one of them! "  great post x | |||
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"Genuine question to the ladies. If you are in a abusive relationship y do you stay in it wen thar are guys that wood treet you like a queen ? Serious question. When it's mental abuse, It can start off small and get worse over a period of years, you don't see it happening for a long time, you think they're looking after you, but they are slowly taking control of you, they make you feel guilty and selfish for wanting to do something for yourself, they always point out what you've done wrong or mistakes you've made, no compliments for things you've done right, they take your mental strength and tell you your weak and to man up, but when you do you're told you're being unreasonable, overreacting and make you feel guilty, they give you just enough reassurance to make you think things will change, but they don't, and it's your own fault. Leaving doesnt even cross your mind because youre tring so hard to please them to get a little appreciation. When it does all go wrong, they know every single weakness you have and target them to destroy you. And you keep it secret from everyone because they're the only person that knows you and what you need. I had that for 22 years he destroyed my confidence in myself that I believed no one else would ever want me again. Those type of scars whilst not visible are more permanent and equally damaging x " Yeah, I can't see anybody wanting me when I don't even like myself. | |||
"I too can relate to that. Married for 24yrs but after had our daughter he changed. Mental bullying not physical. He never hit me but the verbal took it's till. Where what i tell you yo wear do ss i say. Once he took my bank cards and hid them and left me with money for a week as he was away out of country with work...i worked as well part time. 10 yrs ago I decided enough. One morning when he was leaving early for work and not back got 5 days I packed what I wanted from house and left best decision I left with our daughter...happy now and my daughter is a gorgeous girl at uni doing well. I know I made the right choice. If anybody is in that position dont bury head in sand like I did do something about it." Leaving must have taken an incredible amount of strength. | |||
" And you keep it secret from everyone because they're the only person that knows you and what you need. I had that for 22 years he destroyed my confidence in myself that I believed no one else would ever want me again. Those type of scars whilst not visible are more permanent and equally damaging x Yeah, I can't see anybody wanting me when I don't even like myself." But the right person will, they'll want you faults and all. I don't like myself especially my body but I know that I'm a lovable person. I look at it that the abuse I went through says more about the person that did it than me. And you're stronger than you think you've survived. X | |||
"My partner's family demanded that she not make any monetary contribution to household bills though she worked. She was allowed to earn and save for herself but if I spent any money on anything for myself she would get upset. In 8 years I never had a new pair of underwear or shoes, but she always had new things at least once a month or two. I would still compliment her and tell her how lovely everything looked on her. I once brought a new pair of shoes and a jacket and she didn't even compliment me though I put it on display for her and showed her. I felt so alone and neglected yet had to take care of her every little need like she was my daughter and not my equal partner which I constantly asked for but never received. She got extremely angry when I began wearing a suit and tie for work and resented and success I achieved. Extremely narcissistically jealous and withholding. Would never ever ever apologise for anything and would always use tears as a weapon. Had a cold stare that betrayed her reputation as sweet. Very stingy, resented giving charity. I could write a few volumes. " Your profile is very interesting ... like a psychological novel . | |||
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" And you keep it secret from everyone because they're the only person that knows you and what you need. I had that for 22 years he destroyed my confidence in myself that I believed no one else would ever want me again. Those type of scars whilst not visible are more permanent and equally damaging x Yeah, I can't see anybody wanting me when I don't even like myself. But the right person will, they'll want you faults and all. I don't like myself especially my body but I know that I'm a lovable person. I look at it that the abuse I went through says more about the person that did it than me. And you're stronger than you think you've survived. X " You're stronger than you think. ironically that's exactly what my wife used to tell me, 3 months after she left me, after she'd broken me to the point I felt the only way I could stop her controlling me was to end my own life, I failed. I was played with like a string puppet, put down then picked up again. Hard to explain but she still finds ways of tormenting me and trying to manipulate me into talking to her. | |||
"Punched in the back of the head out of the blue, a glass bounced off my shoulder almost hit my three year old child, she would cut herself, throw things around the house, pick up the children screaming at me ...just a few. One day she sat me down told me to find a job (was a stay at home Dad) move out and she had started a new relationship. Even to this day I have to be diplomatic and decent, feel a bit of a wimp but I cannot lose my Children they're all I have, was advised the courts would never rule in my favour. I occasionally cry when d*unk it was my only chance to have a true Family life but if it don't break you it makes you stronger most of the time and the kids need me to be strong
"I get severe anxiety at the prospect of facing my ex, when i return our 2 kids each day. | |||
"My partner's family demanded that she not make any monetary contribution to household bills though she worked. She was allowed to earn and save for herself but if I spent any money on anything for myself she would get upset. In 8 years I never had a new pair of underwear or shoes, but she always had new things at least once a month or two. I would still compliment her and tell her how lovely everything looked on her. I once brought a new pair of shoes and a jacket and she didn't even compliment me though I put it on display for her and showed her. I felt so alone and neglected yet had to take care of her every little need like she was my daughter and not my equal partner which I constantly asked for but never received. She got extremely angry when I began wearing a suit and tie for work and resented and success I achieved. Extremely narcissistically jealous and withholding. Would never ever ever apologise for anything and would always use tears as a weapon. Had a cold stare that betrayed her reputation as sweet. Very stingy, resented giving charity. I could write a few volumes. What made you stay with her for 8 years?" I didn't, once I learned that it was abuse and that I didn't have to put up with the shit I was out within months. Because my abusive partner used tears and behaved like I would be devastating and decrypting her by leaving. Because it developed over that period, you learn as you go along and it accumulates over time little by little. Because as a man you don't want to give up or "fail" as you're taught to never walk out on a woman otherwise you're a selfish pig/dog who just wants to fuck other women and all the other dismissive misandrisms that abusive women repeat. You wake up one day and it's 8 years later. It's a complete mindfuck. What others don't get is that abusive relationships have good times as well, you don't realise it's abusive except in your gut and though you complain you believe you can fix it and men love to fix things. Overall, I loved her. Love and a sense of duty kept me there and she and her family exploited that. | |||
"Punched in the back of the head out of the blue, a glass bounced off my shoulder almost hit my three year old child, she would cut herself, throw things around the house, pick up the children screaming at me ...just a few. One day she sat me down told me to find a job (was a stay at home Dad) move out and she had started a new relationship. Even to this day I have to be diplomatic and decent, feel a bit of a wimp but I cannot lose my Children they're all I have, was advised the courts would never rule in my favour. I occasionally cry when d*unk it was my only chance to have a true Family life but if it don't break you it makes you stronger most of the time and the kids need me to be strong
I get severe anxiety at the prospect of facing my ex, when i return our 2 kids each day."Returning my two today not (ever) looking forward to seeing her | |||
"My partner's family demanded that she not make any monetary contribution to household bills though she worked. She was allowed to earn and save for herself but if I spent any money on anything for myself she would get upset. In 8 years I never had a new pair of underwear or shoes, but she always had new things at least once a month or two. I would still compliment her and tell her how lovely everything looked on her. I once brought a new pair of shoes and a jacket and she didn't even compliment me though I put it on display for her and showed her. I felt so alone and neglected yet had to take care of her every little need like she was my daughter and not my equal partner which I constantly asked for but never received. She got extremely angry when I began wearing a suit and tie for work and resented and success I achieved. Extremely narcissistically jealous and withholding. Would never ever ever apologise for anything and would always use tears as a weapon. Had a cold stare that betrayed her reputation as sweet. Very stingy, resented giving charity. I could write a few volumes. What made you stay with her for 8 years? I didn't, once I learned that it was abuse and that I didn't have to put up with the shit I was out within months. Because my abusive partner used tears and behaved like I would be devastating and decrypting her by leaving. Because it developed over that period, you learn as you go along and it accumulates over time little by little. Because as a man you don't want to give up or "fail" as you're taught to never walk out on a woman otherwise you're a selfish pig/dog who just wants to fuck other women and all the other dismissive misandrisms that abusive women repeat. You wake up one day and it's 8 years later. It's a complete mindfuck. What others don't get is that abusive relationships have good times as well, you don't realise it's abusive except in your gut and though you complain you believe you can fix it and men love to fix things. Overall, I loved her. Love and a sense of duty kept me there and she and her family exploited that. " Fully resonates with me, everything you have written. Never saw myself in an abusive relationship until I was out of it, still have great memories of Family meals, holidays and Christmas times together. I no longer love her but I don't hate her either | |||
"Punched in the back of the head out of the blue, a glass bounced off my shoulder almost hit my three year old child, she would cut herself, throw things around the house, pick up the children screaming at me ...just a few. One day she sat me down told me to find a job (was a stay at home Dad) move out and she had started a new relationship. Even to this day I have to be diplomatic and decent, feel a bit of a wimp but I cannot lose my Children they're all I have, was advised the courts would never rule in my favour. I occasionally cry when d*unk it was my only chance to have a true Family life but if it don't break you it makes you stronger most of the time and the kids need me to be strong
I get severe anxiety at the prospect of facing my ex, when i return our 2 kids each day.
Returning my two today not (ever) looking forward to seeing her "Stay strong, stay safe | |||
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"Punched in the back of the head out of the blue, a glass bounced off my shoulder almost hit my three year old child, she would cut herself, throw things around the house, pick up the children screaming at me ...just a few. One day she sat me down told me to find a job (was a stay at home Dad) move out and she had started a new relationship. Even to this day I have to be diplomatic and decent, feel a bit of a wimp but I cannot lose my Children they're all I have, was advised the courts would never rule in my favour. I occasionally cry when d*unk it was my only chance to have a true Family life but if it don't break you it makes you stronger most of the time and the kids need me to be strong
I get severe anxiety at the prospect of facing my ex, when i return our 2 kids each day.
Returning my two today not (ever) looking forward to seeing her
Stay strong, stay safe "Thanks, actually found the writing his helping but in a much better place now | |||
"You hear a lot about women been in a violent and abusive relationship,just wondering how many of you men have been " My husband was in an abusive relationship with his ex. She was physically, emotionally and finacially abusive to him for many years. Their child witnessed it too. He has been with me for over ten years but still is in fear of her. He hated sorting out their separation, divorce, care of their child etc because of his fear of her. His relationship with his child is difficult/akward at times because of how his ex behaved/behaves. It's very difficult for men to get help with it anyway because of societies perceptions let alone the small amount of help out there. | |||
"Punched in the back of the head out of the blue, a glass bounced off my shoulder almost hit my three year old child, she would cut herself, throw things around the house, pick up the children screaming at me ...just a few. One day she sat me down told me to find a job (was a stay at home Dad) move out and she had started a new relationship. Even to this day I have to be diplomatic and decent, feel a bit of a wimp but I cannot lose my Children they're all I have, was advised the courts would never rule in my favour. I occasionally cry when d*unk it was my only chance to have a true Family life but if it don't break you it makes you stronger most of the time and the kids need me to be strong
I get severe anxiety at the prospect of facing my ex, when i return our 2 kids each day.
Returning my two today not (ever) looking forward to seeing her
Stay strong, stay safe
Thanks, actually found the writing his helping but in a much better place now "That's good
It reminds me why I quit counselling, felt worse after talking. But sometimes you need to talk, no matter how painful it is, or don't want to talk. | |||
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"Quite a few I think. Men just rarely discuss it because they know many will see them as 'soft'! Double standards are still very much alive and well in many areas - and sadly this is one of them! " Well said hopefully awareness will help put a stop to all abuse and give the victims the confidence to come forward knowing there is help | |||
" because of his fear of her. His relationship with his child is difficult/akward at times because of how his ex behaved/behaves. It's very difficult for men to get help with it anyway because of societies perceptions let alone the small amount of help out there." All very true. | |||
"Reading this post makes me sad that another person can do this to anyone. I'd like to give you guys a big hug just to say that I understand completely what you've gone through and just because you're a man it doesn't lessen your experience any. I know it's a cliche but time does make it better and you're being the bigger person by not resorting to similar behaviour. I think you're all so brave talking about it because society does seem more geared to a woman experiencing this. I hope that each one of you finds some peace in your life and are able to move forward to find some true happiness x " This broke me  | |||
"Reading this post makes me sad that another person can do this to anyone. I'd like to give you guys a big hug just to say that I understand completely what you've gone through and just because you're a man it doesn't lessen your experience any. I know it's a cliche but time does make it better and you're being the bigger person by not resorting to similar behaviour. I think you're all so brave talking about it because society does seem more geared to a woman experiencing this. I hope that each one of you finds some peace in your life and are able to move forward to find some true happiness x " 
Love this post | |||
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"Reading this post makes me sad that another person can do this to anyone. I'd like to give you guys a big hug just to say that I understand completely what you've gone through and just because you're a man it doesn't lessen your experience any. I know it's a cliche but time does make it better and you're being the bigger person by not resorting to similar behaviour. I think you're all so brave talking about it because society does seem more geared to a woman experiencing this. I hope that each one of you finds some peace in your life and are able to move forward to find some true happiness x
Love this post "Make that two, and thanks for the hug | |||
"My crossdressing helps and often hinders me, it gives me an outlet but (as I'm quite an honest Guy) makes a new relationship difficult. The plus side is it does give me some peace and happiness but telling a new partner can be stressful and potentially heartbreaking, that's why I've taken a break from relationships and trying to find inner peace. I often really feel sorry for the 'regular' guys who don't have my (crossdressing) outlet for their softer sides to be expressed, becoming a different 'me' can help, create new friendships and a social life. Also glad this hasn't turned into a slagging off session, my Wife is not a heartless cow but someone with her own demons that she has to deal with, going straight into a new relationship is going to be tough, I have found my new freedoms enlightening as well. She won't get that as currently in the honeymoon phase of a new life with someone else, just hope it won't impact my Children too much if things start to go downhill with him. " Yes I think that especially the older generation it's frowned upon for men to show their feelings so it's good that you've found your outlet. And yes not slagging off the ex's involved is a good thing. Legally I can't discuss mine so not going to try. But it is the children I get most concerned about, they do witness it all and hope that it doesn't have a lasting effect on their future relationships, x | |||
" Yes I think that especially the older generation it's frowned upon for men to show their feelings " I'm 44, Men Don't Cry. When i was 15 my only brother was killed in an RTA, both my father's parents died after long illness, my mother has dementia and lives in 1967. Not once did I ever see my father, or his father, shed 1 single tear. Men Don't Cry. I've cried so much in the last 12 months, I'm not sure I'm still a man, despite being Male. | |||
" Yes I think that especially the older generation it's frowned upon for men to show their feelings I'm 44, Men Don't Cry. When i was 15 my only brother was killed in an RTA, both my father's parents died after long illness, my mother has dementia and lives in 1967. Not once did I ever see my father, or his father, shed 1 single tear. Men Don't Cry. I've cried so much in the last 12 months, I'm not sure I'm still a man, despite being Male." Pfft I think you're more of a man to cry than not. It's not good to deny your feelings, and a good cry every now and again gives a release of the anger and frustration that builds up and makes you able to deal with the day. You were just bought up believing the old view of how real men behave. Well real men do cry and do have feelings. X | |||
"Abuse doesn't have to be physical. Mental/phychoogical abuse can buy just as damaging. " Absolutely! Manipulation and mind games can be just as bad to endure. | |||
" Yes I think that especially the older generation it's frowned upon for men to show their feelings I'm 44, Men Don't Cry. When i was 15 my only brother was killed in an RTA, both my father's parents died after long illness, my mother has dementia and lives in 1967. Not once did I ever see my father, or his father, shed 1 single tear. Men Don't Cry. I've cried so much in the last 12 months, I'm not sure I'm still a man, despite being Male." I’ve never seen my dad cry. It shocked me when my exes showed they were sensitive as I wasn’t used to it growing up. | |||
" Yes I think that especially the older generation it's frowned upon for men to show their feelings I'm 44, Men Don't Cry. When i was 15 my only brother was killed in an RTA, both my father's parents died after long illness, my mother has dementia and lives in 1967. Not once did I ever see my father, or his father, shed 1 single tear. Men Don't Cry. I've cried so much in the last 12 months, I'm not sure I'm still a man, despite being Male. Pfft I think you're more of a man to cry than not. It's not good to deny your feelings, and a good cry every now and again gives a release of the anger and frustration that builds up and makes you able to deal with the day. You were just bought up believing the old view of how real men behave. Well real men do cry and do have feelings. X " By the amount of tears this thread has produced from me, I am a Man! | |||
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"This. This is why I come on these forums. Not to get laid, but to be in an environment I feel safe in, I couldn't have discussed any of this with 'real' friends or family, I don't have a social life at all, but i have opened up here, to complete strangers, who to me are friends and family. Such kind words of compassion expressed towards me both in this thread and private mail, have honestly overwhelmed me. You're a bunch of bastards who reduced me to tears! But you have my respect, and I thank you "You're welcome. Anytime x | |||
"Genuine question to the ladies. If you are in a abusive relationship y do you stay in it wen thar are guys that wood treet you like a queen ? Serious question. When it's mental abuse, It can start off small and get worse over a period of years, you don't see it happening for a long time, you think they're looking after you, but they are slowly taking control of you, they make you feel guilty and selfish for wanting to do something for yourself, they always point out what you've done wrong or mistakes you've made, no compliments for things you've done right, they take your mental strength and tell you your weak and to man up, but when you do you're told you're being unreasonable, overreacting and make you feel guilty, they give you just enough reassurance to make you think things will change, but they don't, and it's your own fault. Leaving doesnt even cross your mind because youre tring so hard to please them to get a little appreciation. When it does all go wrong, they know every single weakness you have and target them to destroy you." This sounds like she was a true Narcissist, particularly the gaslighting - they don't have relationships, they take prisoners!! If anyone has been in an abusive relationship or suffered at the hands of someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder I would really recommend reading a book by Marie-France Hirigoyen called "Stalking the Soul; Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity." It might really help set you free. | |||
"Genuine question to the ladies. If you are in a abusive relationship y do you stay in it wen thar are guys that wood treet you like a queen ? Serious question. When it's mental abuse, It can start off small and get worse over a period of years, you don't see it happening for a long time, you think they're looking after you, but they are slowly taking control of you, they make you feel guilty and selfish for wanting to do something for yourself, they always point out what you've done wrong or mistakes you've made, no compliments for things you've done right, they take your mental strength and tell you your weak and to man up, but when you do you're told you're being unreasonable, overreacting and make you feel guilty, they give you just enough reassurance to make you think things will change, but they don't, and it's your own fault. Leaving doesnt even cross your mind because youre tring so hard to please them to get a little appreciation. When it does all go wrong, they know every single weakness you have and target them to destroy you. This sounds like she was a true Narcissist, particularly the gaslighting - they don't have relationships, they take prisoners!! If anyone has been in an abusive relationship or suffered at the hands of someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder I would really recommend reading a book by Marie-France Hirigoyen called "Stalking the Soul; Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity." It might really help set you free. "Thank you, I'll have a look for it. | |||
" Thank you, I'll have a look for it." I just looked on amazon and there's some second hand ones for £3.50 odd if anyone is interested. Also came across this excellent review there: "Many of us have experienced emotional abuse at some time or other in work, family or personal relationships without actually being aware that it was happening. Emotional abuse leaves you feeling down trodden, depressed, feeling guilty and sometimes even leaves you doubting your own sanity because the aggression is so subtle and devious that you can't pin point specific episodes and therefore cannot name it. All you know is that you feel awful and unhappy. The worst thing is, that because most people do not know that emotional abuse is a documented pathology which is generated by precise behaviour mechanisms that affects many, victims usually feel an incredible loneliness and believe that it is their fault if they find themselves in this situation. This leads to a state of acute emotional confusion and depression. Emotional abuse can effectively lead to a total erosion of a person's identity Marie France Hirigoyen treats the three cases of abuse in the workplace in the family and in personal relationships in separate chapters in a style which is easy to read and avoids complicated psycho-jargon. She also includes transcripts of testimonies: of real people who have lived real situations. In her book, Marie-France Hirigoyen explains what emotional abuse is, the mechanisms between the victim and the aggressor and how to recognise it when it happens. More importantly, perhaps, readers who have suffered emotional abuse will realise that they are not guilty, that it is not because they are weak and useless that they find themselves in such a situation and that they were not imagining the constant, but subtle aggressions they suffered on a daily basis. Although Hirigoyen talks about how to get out of it abusive relationships and how to understand why they happen, the book does not provide a miracle solution for avoiding emotional abuse or getting over it. However, reading it is certainly a fist step towards understanding why it happens and can give readers the courage they need to finally put a stop to a painful and extremely dangerous relationships that can affect physical and mental health through the accumulated stress of having to deal with constant abuse. For me, this book enormously helpful and perhaps the best part for me was the relief I felt at reading the testimonies of other victims who had lived exactly the same experiences as me. This helped me to understand that I was not alone, that I was not guilty and allowed me to finally feel the anger which many victims have so much trouble expressing. Coupled with specialised therapy for victims, this book gave me the will to start again and to define the boundaries of what I am ready to accept and not in relationships. If you have ever felt that something in a relationship was not quite right, if you have ever lived a situation of cold looks, unsaid reproaches, insinuating accusations and confusing arguments where you are always made out to be in the wrong without having the possibility of explaining yourself, then it is probable that you have suffered emotional abuse. And reading this book could rpovide you with some of the answers you are looking for. Be warned, however, this book is tough and can be emotionally trying as it brings to the surface feelings that you may have tried to avoid. I strongly suggest that more fragile readers consult a qualified therapist as well as read the book to get the support they will need. I find myself recommending this book to many people, be they victims, aggressors or people who have been close to both. I am weary of saying things like "it has changed my life" but what I can certainly say is that it has given me a new perspective on the way I approach relationships." | |||
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" Thank you, I'll have a look for it. I just looked on amazon and there's some second hand ones for £3.50 odd if anyone is interested. Also came across this excellent review there: "Many of us have experienced emotional abuse at some time or other in work, family or personal relationships without actually being aware that it was happening. Emotional abuse leaves you feeling down trodden, depressed, feeling guilty and sometimes even leaves you doubting your own sanity because the aggression is so subtle and devious that you can't pin point specific episodes and therefore cannot name it. All you know is that you feel awful and unhappy. The worst thing is, that because most people do not know that emotional abuse is a documented pathology which is generated by precise behaviour mechanisms that affects many, victims usually feel an incredible loneliness and believe that it is their fault if they find themselves in this situation. This leads to a state of acute emotional confusion and depression. Emotional abuse can effectively lead to a total erosion of a person's identity Marie France Hirigoyen treats the three cases of abuse in the workplace in the family and in personal relationships in separate chapters in a style which is easy to read and avoids complicated psycho-jargon. She also includes transcripts of testimonies: of real people who have lived real situations. In her book, Marie-France Hirigoyen explains what emotional abuse is, the mechanisms between the victim and the aggressor and how to recognise it when it happens. More importantly, perhaps, readers who have suffered emotional abuse will realise that they are not guilty, that it is not because they are weak and useless that they find themselves in such a situation and that they were not imagining the constant, but subtle aggressions they suffered on a daily basis. Although Hirigoyen talks about how to get out of it abusive relationships and how to understand why they happen, the book does not provide a miracle solution for avoiding emotional abuse or getting over it. However, reading it is certainly a fist step towards understanding why it happens and can give readers the courage they need to finally put a stop to a painful and extremely dangerous relationships that can affect physical and mental health through the accumulated stress of having to deal with constant abuse. For me, this book enormously helpful and perhaps the best part for me was the relief I felt at reading the testimonies of other victims who had lived exactly the same experiences as me. This helped me to understand that I was not alone, that I was not guilty and allowed me to finally feel the anger which many victims have so much trouble expressing. Coupled with specialised therapy for victims, this book gave me the will to start again and to define the boundaries of what I am ready to accept and not in relationships. If you have ever felt that something in a relationship was not quite right, if you have ever lived a situation of cold looks, unsaid reproaches, insinuating accusations and confusing arguments where you are always made out to be in the wrong without having the possibility of explaining yourself, then it is probable that you have suffered emotional abuse. And reading this book could rpovide you with some of the answers you are looking for. Be warned, however, this book is tough and can be emotionally trying as it brings to the surface feelings that you may have tried to avoid. I strongly suggest that more fragile readers consult a qualified therapist as well as read the book to get the support they will need. I find myself recommending this book to many people, be they victims, aggressors or people who have been close to both. I am weary of saying things like "it has changed my life" but what I can certainly say is that it has given me a new perspective on the way I approach relationships."" That ticked boxes I didn't know I had | |||
