FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Punching up high above your weight.
Punching up high above your weight.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Some of us are apparently punching above our weight, so high they're likely to upper cut Jesus!
But how do you know? Do you have a self realisation of how attractive you are, or are you simply conditioned to believe negative replies and comments and forget the positive ones?
So, do you just message those you're attracted to, or go for what you believes on your level? (Tongue in cheek)  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Simple answer is I'd only ever consider meeting someone I'm attracted to,and who is attracted to me, and don't even stop to think about anything else  "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Simple answer is I'd only ever consider meeting someone I'm attracted to,and who is attracted to me, and don't even stop to think about anything else "
I couldn't have put it better myself |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Maybe I should have included in the question...do you not message those you're attracted to because they're out of your league? If so, who told you they're out of it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've received lots of messages from guys I've thought are out of my league. A couple of times I asked them why and they couldn't understand why I was asking.
Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me, I'll message people I think I can connect with, irrespective of whichever league they are in.
I'll read a profile or forum comments to see if we have similar viewpoints on life in general then work from there.
Looks don't come into it. A confident lady who can hold a conversation that doesn't revolve around sex will have me all aflutter  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A man has to tick all my boxes and I have got to fancy him and both of us have too feel a connection.If it wasn't there I wouldn't bother .A lot on here will meet anyone who is willing .we are all different with what we want and how we make fab work for us .  |
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Absoloutely no one is above or below me! Take off there 3 inches of make up, filters and sucky in pants then lets have a look. I can have a shower some hair wax and some aftershave, thats it . Forever. Work in horrible conditions chemicals oll over our skin everyday ect. And some girl stood in perfect light after selecting 1 out of 200 selfies wants to judge me. Dont think love. Laughable, it really is there loss |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are lots I wouldn't even consider starting a serious conversation re a meet with. I'm aware I'm not everyone's cup of tea though have been surprised occasionally. But i don't put myself out there for too much rejection. X |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
" Maybe I should have included in the question...do you not message those you're attracted to because they're out of your league? If so, who told you they're out of it?"
Same answer as before - if I'm attracted enough to someone to want to message them with a view to meeting then I'd not not message them for any reason |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've said no thank you to people who have messaged me because I've thought they're out of my league. Also done it based on looking at their pics and thinking the other women they've been with look nicer than me. Confidence in the way I look is a real issue for me, it's a good job we get messages because I'd never dare message anyone else and assume they'd want to see me. Mr F gets pretty frustrated with me at times over my refusal to accept people find me attractive - although being on here has made me feel a little better about myself.
L x |
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We should not judge ourselves and this has been mentioned before.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Overthinking will get you nowhere.
Relax, have some fun. You get one go on this rock. Make it a happy one |
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" Maybe I should have included in the question...do you not message those you're attracted to because they're out of your league? If so, who told you they're out of it?"
I don't message them, no doubt fear of rejection. The who told me, nobody my assumption only. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I message whoever I find attractive although it generally comes off the back of a forum post or chat. I know can hold a pretty decent conversation and being attractive is about more than looks.
Saying that though, my first ever meet on fab was with a guy so good looking he could be a model. I was really wary at first but he turned up and made me feel like sexiest woman alive because despite what I thought of myself HE found ME irresistible.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Maybe I should have included in the question...do you not message those you're attracted to because they're out of your league? If so, who told you they're out of it?"
I don't message anyone first. But if I get a message from someone I think is really hot, I'll tend to be wary as I'd be dubious of their interest in me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've received lots of messages from guys I've thought are out of my league. A couple of times I asked them why and they couldn't understand why I was asking.
Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. "
Well said |
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In my short time here I've not really thought about it. I'm average I think but speaking to some gorgeous ladies so Im now thinking that they are out of my league.. but hey we are chatting and you never know.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Maybe I should have included in the question...do you not message those you're attracted to because they're out of your league? If so, who told you they're out of it?
I don't message them, no doubt fear of rejection. The who told me, nobody my assumption only. "
I ha d that in the back of my mind. I'd love to ask a few, but I'd rather sit here thinking 'of course they'd meet me' rather than knowing they won't.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've got to be realistic about how exceptional and modest I am therefore I'm not qualified to answer the question ,,,,, you'd need to ask the people I meet if they are punching above the weight  |
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"Absoloutely no one is above or below me! Take off there 3 inches of make up, filters and sucky in pants then lets have a look. I can have a shower some hair wax and some aftershave, thats it . Forever. Work in horrible conditions chemicals oll over our skin everyday ect. And some girl stood in perfect light after selecting 1 out of 200 selfies wants to judge me. Dont think love. Laughable, it really is there loss"
Fucking right on bruv! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Simple answer is I'd only ever consider meeting someone I'm attracted to,and who is attracted to me, and don't even stop to think about anything else "
This all the time. |
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I think its really easy for a woman on here to struggle knowing how attractive you are really. I know I am not ugly but defo no supermodel either. but I am a single woman on here... which on its own seems to be attractive... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think its really easy for a woman on here to struggle knowing how attractive you are really. I know I am not ugly but defo no supermodel either. but I am a single woman on here... which on its own seems to be attractive..."
Well your last comment is rather obvious in the context of FAB, but I really do think (states obvious) that women and men really have no true concept about what the opposites find attractive.
As a consequence I know I've avoided sending a message on the basis of there being no point. |
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I laugh at some of the women in my area who's status I see demanding what they are after.
A fit, handsome, muscular man who looks after himself etc etc.
Get a grip on reality love. Unless of course Men really ARE that desperate.
Of course some women are in that league but then they never need to put these demands |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"I think its really easy for a woman on here to struggle knowing how attractive you are really. "
 Seriously? That's quite a sad view. My sense of attractiveness doesn't come from here. It's fairly obvious to most women that you're going to be perceived as being desirable purely based on your quim ownership - I would hope that a woman would know how attractive she is without getting confused about it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have discovered that there is no such thing as leagues, people are either attracted to eachother or they aren't! I find, good looking, younger men very attractive playmates, would they be considered out of my league? By others, no doubt, do I, or they, care? No! It is a hard mind set to get out of but at the end of the day, if a gym bod fancies the arse off of a fat bird like me, and I fancy them too, is it anyone elses business? I am a very sexual, confident woman.... I think that is what they find attractive as much as anything. But no matter how you look, there will always be someone that fancies the arse off of you and someone that you repulse....always! Regardless of what league you think you are in  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think its really easy for a woman on here to struggle knowing how attractive you are really.
Seriously? That's quite a sad view. My sense of attractiveness doesn't come from here. It's fairly obvious to most women that you're going to be perceived as being desirable purely based on your quim ownership - I would hope that a woman would know how attractive she is without getting confused about it."
I don't know, I think being on here is very confusing sometimes. You get men telling you how beautiful you are but it doesn't go well with what I see in the mirror. And looking at some of the stunning ladies on here it's hard not to compare yourself unfavourably. The past has shaped how I view myself and a lot of ladies on here are the same. So why it should be clear cut for many of us we walk a thin line and easily fall off it when pushed x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think its really easy for a woman on here to struggle knowing how attractive you are really.
Seriously? That's quite a sad view. My sense of attractiveness doesn't come from here. It's fairly obvious to most women that you're going to be perceived as being desirable purely based on your quim ownership - I would hope that a woman would know how attractive she is without getting confused about it.
I don't know, I think being on here is very confusing sometimes. You get men telling you how beautiful you are but it doesn't go well with what I see in the mirror. And looking at some of the stunning ladies on here it's hard not to compare yourself unfavourably. The past has shaped how I view myself and a lot of ladies on here are the same. So why it should be clear cut for many of us we walk a thin line and easily fall off it when pushed x "
I hear what you're saying and I think many (men and women) will relate to that.
The problem is, that we all have preconceived ideas about where we are on the attractive scale, but that doesn't necessarily fit in with others perceptions.
I once knew a lady I thought was stunning, and never dreamt of even suggesting that I liked her for fear of rejection.
On a d*unken works night she confessed she thought I was hot and fancied me but daren't tell me for the that same reason. One size never fits all.
I'm clueless about my status on this scale of how hard I should punch weight wise. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've received lots of messages from guys I've thought are out of my league. A couple of times I asked them why and they couldn't understand why I was asking.
Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. "
All this ^ i'm constantly asking them why they've msgd me, I can't understand it |
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"I think its really easy for a woman on here to struggle knowing how attractive you are really.
Seriously? That's quite a sad view. My sense of attractiveness doesn't come from here. It's fairly obvious to most women that you're going to be perceived as being desirable purely based on your quim ownership - I would hope that a woman would know how attractive she is without getting confused about it."
don't get me wrong, I know myself fairly well and how good or bad looking I am. however my sexual life is purely on fab at the moment as I don't want a relationship. being attractive on fab is based on your gender but also on your sexual experiences, your likes etc. my last relationship was with someone who didn't think i was feminine enough. so finding out how attractive you on a sexual level can be difficult. |
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I go for what i'm attracted to. If they happen to be stunning so be it. I'm not sure if i would say anyone i've gone for is punching above my weight. I'm fairly confident and have only one no thanks in my time spent here. So maybe I go for folk who i know who'd like me. Maybe that's why the success rate has been very good. Who knows |
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"I think its really easy for a woman on here to struggle knowing how attractive you are really.
Seriously? That's quite a sad view. My sense of attractiveness doesn't come from here. It's fairly obvious to most women that you're going to be perceived as being desirable purely based on your quim ownership - I would hope that a woman would know how attractive she is without getting confused about it.
don't get me wrong, I know myself fairly well and how good or bad looking I am. however my sexual life is purely on fab at the moment as I don't want a relationship. being attractive on fab is based on your gender but also on your sexual experiences, your likes etc. my last relationship was with someone who didn't think i was feminine enough. so finding out how attractive you on a sexual level can be difficult."
Well said and that's a very interesting point you've made. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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" Seriously? That's quite a sad view. My sense of attractiveness doesn't come from here. It's fairly obvious to most women that you're going to be perceived as being desirable purely based on your quim ownership - I would hope that a woman would know how attractive she is without getting confused about it.
I don't know, I think being on here is very confusing sometimes. You get men telling you how beautiful you are but it doesn't go well with what I see in the mirror. And looking at some of the stunning ladies on here it's hard not to compare yourself unfavourably. The past has shaped how I view myself and a lot of ladies on here are the same. So why it should be clear cut for many of us we walk a thin line and easily fall off it when pushed x "
I don't know how to put this delicately so apologies in advance - it should be clear cut in a sense that you are responsible for your own self worth and view of attractiveness. I've had an incredibly shite relationship as well but I wouldn't use or view fab as a way of judging myself really. You shouldn't compare yourself too often, I know it's easier said than done but you are you. What you are is what makes you attractive, don't allow yourself to be 'pushed off' by another.
As far as the OP goes, I do sometimes worry that someone is too classically attractive but then I think actually, I'm quite ok. I am over feeling like I am not as hot as or I shouldn't be fucking x, y and z. |
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" Some of us are apparently punching above our weight, so high they're likely to upper cut Jesus!
But how do you know? Do you have a self realisation of how attractive you are, or are you simply conditioned to believe negative replies and comments and forget the positive ones?
So, do you just message those you're attracted to, or go for what you believes on your level? (Tongue in cheek) "
The answer to your question lies in a mirror and a prior visit to specsavers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm quite self-deprecating and have never really had any confidence in my looks. I've seen some gorgeous looking guys on here that I would never message because I would never feel good looking or fit enough for them to consider a meet.
However, I have received messages myself stating "they are punching above their weight" messaging me, which I thought was a bit unhealthy for them to think like that of themselves.
Someone can look hot in a photo and be disappointing in real life, or vice versa. So I guess that men and women of all shapes and sizes should feel as comfortable and confident about messaging ludicrously hot people as there is much more to a person than looks and we shouldn't think that people are in a different league. |
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"Absoloutely no one is above or below me! Take off there 3 inches of make up, filters and sucky in pants then lets have a look. I can have a shower some hair wax and some aftershave, thats it . Forever. Work in horrible conditions chemicals oll over our skin everyday ect. And some girl stood in perfect light after selecting 1 out of 200 selfies wants to judge me. Dont think love. Laughable, it really is there loss"
Funny! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't buy into the "punching above your weight"/"out of my league" stuff. Attraction is either mutual or it isn't, conventionally attractive women can be attracted to unusual-looking men, and vice versa. |
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"Twist your body into the punch, its your whole body at play, power comes from a stable stance, turn your hips into it.
Precision beats power- timing beats speed!"
I agree with the first point. The speed helps with the timing.  |
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"Twist your body into the punch, its your whole body at play, power comes from a stable stance, turn your hips into it.
Precision beats power- timing beats speed!"
Precision without power and you'll be like conor mcgreggor, knackered before the big finish, you got to get into a rhythm the motion of the ocean and all that. |
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"I don't buy into the "punching above your weight"/"out of my league" stuff. Attraction is either mutual or it isn't, conventionally attractive women can be attracted to unusual-looking men, and vice versa."
This.
People that buy into this "league" talk have a low opinion of themselves and other people. Save the leagues for sports...saying that, the FA cup blows that theory out the water too! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Maybe I should have included in the question...do you not message those you're attracted to because they're out of your league? If so, who told you they're out of it?"
Haha yes. If I think a man is 'too hot' for me then I won't message them. The only person that told me they are out of my league is myself. |
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"Twist your body into the punch, its your whole body at play, power comes from a stable stance, turn your hips into it.
Precision beats power- timing beats speed!
Precision without power and you'll be like conor mcgreggor, knackered before the big finish, you got to get into a rhythm the motion of the ocean and all that."
Oooohh im not getting into this lol |
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"Twist your body into the punch, its your whole body at play, power comes from a stable stance, turn your hips into it.
Precision beats power- timing beats speed!
Precision without power and you'll be like conor mcgreggor, knackered before the big finish, you got to get into a rhythm the motion of the ocean and all that.
Oooohh im not getting into this lol "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Maybe I should have included in the question...do you not message those you're attracted to because they're out of your league? If so, who told you they're out of it?
Haha yes. If I think a man is 'too hot' for me then I won't message them. The only person that told me they are out of my league is myself. "
exactly the same for me x always been the same x |
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I have done up until recently but not any more yaaaaay! Corner turned. I've had a guy messaging me for about 6 months now and I thought he was deluded, I'd looked at his veri's and the women were (looks and body wise) truly stunning.
I've finally realised he isn't out of my league at all! I'm a tigress roaaarrrr |
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By *igeiaWoman
over a year ago
Bristol |
When I'm meeting I'll message people I find attractive. A lot of that attraction is about who they initially seem to be as people though, rather than what they look like. So if it's a choice between someone who looks conventionally hot in pictures but has a profile stating that they only meet other hot people or someone who writes something I find funny and has no pics at all I will go for the latter. Not because I am assuming the ostensibly hot one is out of my league because they are only looking for other hot people but because I am more attracted to someone who tickles my mental fancy and doesn't seem arrogant in the process. So yes, I have met people who to an observer may seem out of my aesthetic league - but it had no bearing on us choosing to meet each other in the first place. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Some of us are apparently punching above our weight, so high they're likely to upper cut Jesus!
But how do you know? Do you have a self realisation of how attractive you are, or are you simply conditioned to believe negative replies and comments and forget the positive ones?
So, do you just message those you're attracted to, or go for what you believes on your level? (Tongue in cheek) "
I usually only reply to messages sent to me by guys I am interested in, I definitely think I punch above my weight (no puns please). Who cares though I get to play with hot young men and I'm very happy about that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I very rarely send messages nowadays as it's the best way to avoid the disappointment/rejection on here much more fun reading/participating in the odd forum posts me thinks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I laugh at some of the women in my area who's status I see demanding what they are after.
A fit, handsome, muscular man who looks after himself etc etc.
Get a grip on reality love. Unless of course Men really ARE that desperate.
Of course some women are in that league but then they never need to put these demands"
I hear you there brother! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think we all know where we stand compared to what is deemed to be conventionally beautiful/ handsome. I know I'm barely average in the looks department. But that doesn't mean I think others that are more conventionally beautiful/ handsome are above me or that by meeting them I'm punching above my weight, because attraction isn't based purely on looks. There are so many other factors. I would never try to second guess whether someone might find me attractive or not. Who am I to decide that? That's why I see no harm in messaging those that I would consider better looking than me. If it became apparent that they are arrogant with it then my interest will disappear. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think we all know where we stand compared to what is deemed to be conventionally beautiful/ handsome. I know I'm barely average in the looks department. But that doesn't mean I think others that are more conventionally beautiful/ handsome are above me or that by meeting them I'm punching above my weight, because attraction isn't based purely on looks. There are so many other factors. I would never try to second guess whether someone might find me attractive or not. Who am I to decide that? That's why I see no harm in messaging those that I would consider better looking than me. If it became apparent that they are arrogant with it then my interest will disappear. "
my thoughts are that if They are in my mind lowering their standards they are implying im easy. And in many cases my thought process has been backed up when things have gone sour. Even overheard an ex sexual partner..once telling his mates that hell no he wouldn't be seen out with me but I was a good and easy lay ... And also heard a conversation at a bbw night where the general jist was that the ladies attending were below them but easy lays.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I just sent a first message today to someone who is so hot and I think is out of my league but I just thought fuck it... "
The last time I did that was a year ago...he has been my regular fwb since then, wasn't even sure I would get a reply |
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I'm a lot like marmite. Some people like me a lot, some don't like me at all.
I'm not conventionally pretty I don't think, I'm more quirky. To some people that's precisely their taste. To others not even remotely.
If I weren't me, I wouldn't fancy me (if that makes sense), but I don't really know where I'd sit in a "league" as it really is very subjective. |
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"I just sent a first message today to someone who is so hot and I think is out of my league but I just thought fuck it...
The last time I did that was a year ago...he has been my regular fwb since then, wasn't even sure I would get a reply "
Well he replied so I'm happy  |
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By *aelawMan
over a year ago
Paisley |
Good post OP!
I suffer from self confidence issues which causes me problems fundamentally but getting better with it which is awesome. Because my attraction starts at the personal level, I always contact people I like the sound of for one reason or another and normally after interacting on the forums. If i feel attracted to them then i tend to tell them. Sometimes I get brave, sometimes I don't. Either way, I'm getting to know some amazing people
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A man has to tick all my boxes and I have got to fancy him and both of us have too feel a connection.If it wasn't there I wouldn't bother .A lot on here will meet anyone who is willing .we are all different with what we want and how we make fab work for us . "
....sexy pics ...sorry I just had to tell you xxx |
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