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How does a typical convo sound in your house?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Me; would you like to try it on then
Her; no. It'll make me look fat.
Me; it's not the dress.... smiles sweetly 
Her; bitch! 
Me; but it made you laugh.
Her; it's dispair. Points at face. This is my dispair look. 
Me; why do you love me?
Her; fuck knows.
We laugh. We hug. She tickles me until I nearly wet myself.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Me - Hey I'm home
Her - ...
Me - Whats for tea?
Her - ...
Me - I'll cook for a change then shall I?
Her - ...
Me - Fine, I hope you like shit with sugar you ignorant bitch
Her - ...
Me - Oh look, and the dishes and have not been washed AGAIN!
Her - ...
Me - Fine, I'll do them, I'll do the tea, you just sit on your arse and do nothing
Her - ...
Me - You know what? I've had enough, I'm packing my bags and I'm leaving, hope you can run the house by yourself. Good luck being alone you shit head
Her - ...
Me - You've said enough, I'm leaving
(There is no Her, I live alone  ) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Me - Hey I'm home
Her - ...
Me - Whats for tea?
Her - ...
Me - I'll cook for a change then shall I?
Her - ...
Me - Fine, I hope you like shit with sugar you ignorant bitch
Her - ...
Me - Oh look, and the dishes and have not been washed AGAIN!
Her - ...
Me - Fine, I'll do them, I'll do the tea, you just sit on your arse and do nothing
Her - ...
Me - You know what? I've had enough, I'm packing my bags and I'm leaving, hope you can run the house by yourself. Good luck being alone you shit head
Her - ...
Me - You've said enough, I'm leaving
(There is no Her, I live alone )"
Still doesn't excuse ignoring you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Me - Hey I'm home
Her - ...
Me - Whats for tea?
Her - ...
Me - I'll cook for a change then shall I?
Her - ...
Me - Fine, I hope you like shit with sugar you ignorant bitch
Her - ...
Me - Oh look, and the dishes and have not been washed AGAIN!
Her - ...
Me - Fine, I'll do them, I'll do the tea, you just sit on your arse and do nothing
Her - ...
Me - You know what? I've had enough, I'm packing my bags and I'm leaving, hope you can run the house by yourself. Good luck being alone you shit head
Her - ...
Me - You've said enough, I'm leaving
(There is no Her, I live alone )
Still doesn't excuse ignoring you "
Well I've moved again now so hopefully she'll learn her lesson |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Him: Make me a drink
Me: Ok
Him: Have you washed my dark jeans?
Me: Yes, they're hanging on the rail.
Him: What's for dinner tonight?
Me: Lamb stew
Him: Have the dogs been fed?
Me: Yes.
Riveting conversation isn't it. |
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Cats, cats where are you? Oooo hello gorgeous puddys! Oh FFS get down! GET DOWN! Argh what the fuck why do you have to follow me around all the bloody time you do my head in! Just piss off and leave me alone the joys of pet ownership! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Or
Me: Want your dinner
Them: Whimper, whine.
Me: Come on them
Them: Woods
Me: Get down or I can't open the tin
Them: Oofs!
Me: There you go.
Them: Noisy slurpy eating sounds. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cats, cats where are you? Oooo hello gorgeous puddys! Oh FFS get down! GET DOWN! Argh what the fuck why do you have to follow me around all the bloody time you do my head in! Just piss off and leave me alone the joys of pet ownership!"
I must shout "Stop following me!" 100 times a day. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Me....ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
Alarm clock,,,,,Bzzzzzzzz
Me.......Uuuuhhh.
Alarm clock,,,,,, Silent (because I just threw it at the wall).
Me.....Ah,ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wherve you been all day?
Wandering around with the dog
What do you want for you tea?
Oooo anything I'm ravished.
Steak and chips alright!
Oh go then 
What time you going to the pub tonight?.
Soon as Corrie starts Chuck!
No wonder your wife left you.
Yea, stroke of luck that was.
Landlord,a pint of your finest ale |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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At the sound of a parcel hitting the floor;
Me; makes excited noises. Rips open package. Strips off in hall pulls on new dress. Twirls and swirls.
Me; what do you think?
Her; that I'm married to a weirdo
Me; bats eyes, but I'm your weirdo
Her; sighs, yes. You're my weirdo
Me; laughs. And you married me you idiot.
Her; sighs deeper, I sure did.
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Me: Oh you're so gorgeous, just look at your perfect little face and beautiful eyes. You smell so lovely, I just want to bury my face in your lovely soft tummy. Your feet are so pretty, your stripey tail is magnificent (etc, etc, etc)
Other household humans: If the house was on fire and you had to choose us or your favourite cat to save what would you do?
Me: You're big enough to look after yourselves
Them: We knew you'd say that
Me: When it's my birthday I want that t-shirt which says 'I would push you in front of zombies to save my cats' ...
Them: We know where we stand in the pecking order
Me: Anyway, where was I .... oh you're so gorgeous, just look at your perfect little face ..... (ad infinitum) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Me morning dog
him woof woof
me morning girl dog
her woof woof woof woof wags tail licks face
me beach?
Them woof woof woof woof howl dance...
Apparently it means come on then ...and where's my biscuits
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Me -What you want for tea
Him -don't mind. Whatever
(Shuffles through cupboards)
Him - haha
Me - what
Oh that's my queue to go and look at some boring pointless shite on YouTube while I'm thinking about the eleventy million things I need to do.
Me - do you want peas with your tea?
Him - whatever you want to do.
Zones out while he talks about shite I'm not sure about because I'm not listening, couldn't give a monkeys fuck tbh.
Me - is your tea nice?
Him - yeah
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Me- let's get ready for school/ work/ going to the park etc
Him- shout shout shout... can't find this, it's too hot,
Me- let's just chill and calm down, the kids are ready
Him- I am so angry, I can't find.....
Me- kids get in the car while I help your dad.... 
I fucking kid you not- I have an extra child I didn't birth |
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