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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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That's me!
My daughter and her boyfriend live with me. I told them to save their money and just give me £100 a month. All food is provided, even their deodarant I buy. Added Sky sport for him.
They were looking at flats so I assumed they must have enough for a deposit now and I'll get my house back.
He's just rocked up in a new Audi TT and announced they're of to Vegas for Christmas.
They don't have a clue why I'm upset! |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"That's me!
My daughter and her boyfriend live with me. I told them to save their money and just give me £100 a month. All food is provided, even their deodarant I buy. Added Sky sport for him.
They were looking at flats so I assumed they must have enough for a deposit now and I'll get my house back.
He's just rocked up in a new Audi TT and announced they're of to Vegas for Christmas.
They don't have a clue why I'm upset! "
I would be white hot with rage.........x |
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Muggins.. good lord you spoil them for sure... never a good idea how selfish young people are. .. maybe next time take one third of their wages each... and they will value what u give them you will also be able to buy a holiday then . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"That's me!
My daughter and her boyfriend live with me. I told them to save their money and just give me £100 a month. All food is provided, even their deodarant I buy. Added Sky sport for him.
They were looking at flats so I assumed they must have enough for a deposit now and I'll get my house back.
He's just rocked up in a new Audi TT and announced they're of to Vegas for Christmas.
They don't have a clue why I'm upset!
I would be white hot with rage.........x"
I can't breath, my head is pounding...selfish sods!  |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"That's me!
My daughter and her boyfriend live with me. I told them to save their money and just give me £100 a month. All food is provided, even their deodarant I buy. Added Sky sport for him.
They were looking at flats so I assumed they must have enough for a deposit now and I'll get my house back.
He's just rocked up in a new Audi TT and announced they're of to Vegas for Christmas.
They don't have a clue why I'm upset!
I would be white hot with rage.........x
I can't breath, my head is pounding...selfish sods! "
go for a little walk.... calm down and then maybe speak to them about it later. xxxx remember any harsh words may linger x good luck dealing with it, not an easy one for sure. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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my mum used to take 1/3 of my wages and I thought she was doing me wrong!!
Then I got out in to the real world and can see how easy I had things!!
If you lucky they will look back and realise that they have done you wrong and be better in the future!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Muggins.. good lord you spoil them for sure... never a good idea how selfish young people are. .. maybe next time take one third of their wages each... and they will value what u give them you will also be able to buy a holiday then ."
My ex-husband warned me. He said ask for more and put it aside for them if you want, but I knew best. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dont be to hard on yourself.. your just guilty of being a loving mum.. It is something I think most of us do at some time...
I think a calm disccussion would be best...
I also had this problem...and felt a right mug..
Cali |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im only saying its time they left because I know if I had done the same thing my mom would still let me stay just because she is such a lovely caring and its sounds like youre the same.I just think that if I had enough money to pull up in a AUDI TT and then off to vegas I can afford to put down on a flat and move out . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That's me!
My daughter and her boyfriend live with me. I told them to save their money and just give me £100 a month. All food is provided, even their deodarant I buy. Added Sky sport for him.
They were looking at flats so I assumed they must have enough for a deposit now and I'll get my house back.
He's just rocked up in a new Audi TT and announced they're of to Vegas for Christmas.
They don't have a clue why I'm upset! "
snap my older sons moving back in a saving for house ... and seen them looking for ski holiday xmas for them over 3000 its not on thats over 5 months rent on there place thay are in now .. I am a mug thay make me feel so bad . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You'll get your reward in heaven 
It's a funny thing, on numerous occasions, we've spent our last on family, to the point where we sometimes wonder where our next penny is comming from to see us to the end of the month, but you know what ? Something always turns up and rescues us. We never get cock sure about it, but somehow it always seems to happen at the 11th hour - usually in the form of someone asking me to do some work for them for cash .... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im only saying its time they left because I know if I had done the same thing my mom would still let me stay just because she is such a lovely caring and its sounds like youre the same.I just think that if I had enough money to pull up in a AUDI TT and then off to vegas I can afford to put down on a flat and move out . "
we agree give them the option to pay more or leave they obviously have more money than sense we both paid more than that at 16. if they can waste money like that the best thing you can do is teach them the real value just our opinion |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Muggins.. good lord you spoil them for sure... never a good idea how selfish young people are. .. maybe next time take one third of their wages each... and they will value what u give them you will also be able to buy a holiday then .
My ex-husband warned me. He said ask for more and put it aside for them if you want, but I knew best. "
I Would have it out with them ....... i have today here .. with my older son .. its your home and you have worked hard over years ...... yu have a right to say how you feel , |
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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago
near kings lynn |
Sorry to hear your understandably cross.
I think a good sit down conversation is due. Explain that your offer was for them to save money for a deposit NOT to squander away on toys like a posh car or holidays of luxury. I would say your happy for them to carry on living with you but raise the amount they pay and they buy all their toiletries ....and make it clear that an additional certain amount (agreed between all-probably over £100 month) goes away into a bank account that your able to be shown the statements for so you know it is building up and it is ONLY to be spent on deposits......If they are not happy to do that tyhen they can find somewhere else to live which will cost then £500 plus rent a month which is dead money.
I think as they have done this stupidly inconsiderate thing then some serious straight talking needs to happen.
Stand your ground ok as its you they are taking for a mug, start off again with them saving for a place or moving out. Harsh but true |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I put up with similar from my daughter and her partner....they paid no rent no bills nothing, I bought all the food and even did the same as you and got sky sports put in for him. They had three rooms, all the upper landing of the house. He drove around in my little sports car and I had to drive his clapped out estate (grandson not allowed in 2 seater) Babysat while they both worked, I loved that though.
After seven months of this I threw him out.....my daughter and grandson went too.
But my gripe was with him...... he used to get a bottle of wine and ration me to one glass.....nothing in itself really but I paid for everything in that house. The meanness with the wine was the trigger for me......... especially as he got most of his wine for free through his work. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry to hear yer woes...
Thats awful. selfish behaviour...a betrayal of yer kindness and help...
I would show some tough love and give them a months notice..I`d explain how their behaviour had affected me..but resolutely stick to my guns...they need to learn about lifes responsibilites..
Whatever course you take, hope yer find your peace...
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"That's me!
My daughter and her boyfriend live with me. I told them to save their money and just give me £100 a month. All food is provided, even their deodarant I buy. Added Sky sport for him.
They were looking at flats so I assumed they must have enough for a deposit now and I'll get my house back.
He's just rocked up in a new Audi TT and announced they're of to Vegas for Christmas.
They don't have a clue why I'm upset!
I would be white hot with rage.........x
I can't breath, my head is pounding...selfish sods! "
maybe ask where your ticket was and were they keeping it as a surprise.. .. if no ticket their bags would be packed and in garage ready for their return. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"At least you will have an Audi TT over the Xmas period..!!!!"
That's another thing: with my dodgy knees and fat arse can't even cadge a ride to Sainsbury's as I don't think I could squeeze in it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
Forum Mod |
I think if Rob and I had done that many yrs ago when we moved in with my parents for a while my mum would still be slamming plates,pots,pans and doors now!
Im not surpirsed you're so upset and hurt at the moment x
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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago
near kings lynn |
"I put up with similar from my daughter and her partner....they paid no rent no bills nothing, I bought all the food and even did the same as you and got sky sports put in for him. They had three rooms, all the upper landing of the house. He drove around in my little sports car and I had to drive his clapped out estate (grandson not allowed in 2 seater) Babysat while they both worked, I loved that though.
After seven months of this I threw him out.....my daughter and grandson went too.
But my gripe was with him...... he used to get a bottle of wine and ration me to one glass.....nothing in itself really but I paid for everything in that house. The meanness with the wine was the trigger for me......... especially as he got most of his wine for free through his work. "
OMG he did that to you after all that...wow,some people eh. You must have been gobsmacked |
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"my mum used to take 1/3 of my wages and I thought she was doing me wrong!!
Then I got out in to the real world and can see how easy I had things!!
If you lucky they will look back and realise that they have done you wrong and be better in the future!!"
well done that Mum.. I always told my kids that was what i wanted if they were going to live under our roof . they chose not to return after their uni years.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I put up with similar from my daughter and her partner....they paid no rent no bills nothing, I bought all the food and even did the same as you and got sky sports put in for him. They had three rooms, all the upper landing of the house. He drove around in my little sports car and I had to drive his clapped out estate (grandson not allowed in 2 seater) Babysat while they both worked, I loved that though.
After seven months of this I threw him out.....my daughter and grandson went too.
But my gripe was with him...... he used to get a bottle of wine and ration me to one glass.....nothing in itself really but I paid for everything in that house. The meanness with the wine was the trigger for me......... especially as he got most of his wine for free through his work.
OMG he did that to you after all that...wow,some people eh. You must have been gobsmacked"
I've since found out that he had a drink problem and has now given it up. xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"That's me!
My daughter and her boyfriend live with me. I told them to save their money and just give me £100 a month. All food is provided, even their deodarant I buy. Added Sky sport for him.
They were looking at flats so I assumed they must have enough for a deposit now and I'll get my house back.
He's just rocked up in a new Audi TT and announced they're of to Vegas for Christmas.
They don't have a clue why I'm upset! snap my older sons moving back in a saving for house ... and seen them looking for ski holiday xmas for them over 3000 its not on thats over 5 months rent on there place thay are in now .. I am a mug thay make me feel so bad ."
That's my point Jo, you try to help but it doesn't work. His mum's an investment banker and his dad a sport agent. They pay for his 5 year old son's schooling, I put him up and he's living a playboy life at my expense.
I have only myself to blame but in two years I've never done a moaning thread, but I needed to vent and can't take family and friends saying "told you so!". |
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"I put up with similar from my daughter and her partner....they paid no rent no bills nothing, I bought all the food and even did the same as you and got sky sports put in for him. They had three rooms, all the upper landing of the house. He drove around in my little sports car and I had to drive his clapped out estate (grandson not allowed in 2 seater) Babysat while they both worked, I loved that though.
After seven months of this I threw him out.....my daughter and grandson went too.
But my gripe was with him...... he used to get a bottle of wine and ration me to one glass.....nothing in itself really but I paid for everything in that house. The meanness with the wine was the trigger for me......... especially as he got most of his wine for free through his work. "
The things that tip us over,  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am not sure why thay dont see what thay are doing themselfs ... and see its not right to treat the ones who have helped so much .. like this .... is it thay have taken a inch now a yard... more you get more you want. Or just if thay can get away with it thay will as selfish . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had to give my parents £6 out of my £8 wages...I didn`t feel hard done by at the time....
My father was down the mines at 13, bringing in vital money fer the family..
My mother used to pick peas in the fields as a schoolgirl...
They had a banana for Xmas...I knew all those things as a young teenager...did me some good looking back.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"my mum used to take 1/3 of my wages and I thought she was doing me wrong!!
Then I got out in to the real world and can see how easy I had things!!
If you lucky they will look back and realise that they have done you wrong and be better in the future!!
well done that Mum.. I always told my kids that was what i wanted if they were going to live under our roof . they chose not to return after their uni years.. "
My parents did the same and I thought them mean. Will have a word when they get back now the steam has stopped coming out my ears! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This thread just made me realise how much i depended on my grandparents before my daughter came along..
Think i owe them a massive appology and slap up meal for all the times i took advantage
I truly feel bad now |
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You definitely need a word, but before you express any anger check where the money for the car has come from. It may be from the wealthy parents or he may have it on a loan and still have money saved up towards a flat. However, chances are he's blown the money on the car but best make sure first. Then explain an Audi TT isn't the most practical car for moving all their belongings out of your place! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This thread just made me realise how much i depended on my grandparents before my daughter came along..
Think i owe them a massive appology and slap up meal for all the times i took advantage
I truly feel bad now "
And so you should young lady!  |
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"
I have only myself to blame but in two years I've never done a moaning thread, but I needed to vent and can't take family and friends saying "told you so!". "
How understandable you feel like this. So, you are guilty of wanting to help your children as much as you can... not exactly a bad thing is it? Human nature in fact. Unfortunately the more people have, especially given to them rather than earned, the worst the effect on them it would appear. As parents though its hard to keep this to the forefront of our minds when we see our children struggle. As I child I was loved and cared for but not really given much. Taught that anything worth having was worth working for and as a result was very grateful for anything that came to me by way of gift. These days we tend to have more than our parents did and with the guilt factor that comes with being a parent added in... we often give without maybe realising we may not be doing them a favour in the long run. We have worked hard and gone without to get where we are and know and appreciate what we have.
It may help to bear in mind that this doesnt make the children bad people, just human really. Taking people for granted and not connecting the dots of how the parents would feel is afterall a byproduct of being given generously without being earned. Im sure this is probably part of why you are upset.
Im already pretty sure I know you well enough from your posts to say that you will deal with this calmly and logically now that realisation has hit and that they will understand what you are saying if not now, then later on.
I wish you luck with it.
Mistress x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Kids want everything at once and they can't wait. We think we're doing right by making it easier for them and for letting them have things.
I would tackle it when you are calmer. As to what you do is your decisioon, but at least they will understand why you are hurt  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You definitely need a word, but before you express any anger check where the money for the car has come from. It may be from the wealthy parents or he may have it on a loan and still have money saved up towards a flat. However, chances are he's blown the money on the car but best make sure first. Then explain an Audi TT isn't the most practical car for moving all their belongings out of your place!"
I did think that when I calmed down, will find out soon enough. |
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You just reminded me about a job I had years ago. The boss lady told us all we would have to wait a couple of weeks for our wages as she couldn't pay us until a client had paid an invoice. The very next day she came into the office, really excited from her lunch time shopping trip and showed us all the £3000 watch she had bought her boyfriend for his birthday. She couldn't understand why nobody made a fuss of what a sexy watch it was.
People can be blind when they see something they want. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You definitely need a word, but before you express any anger check where the money for the car has come from. It may be from the wealthy parents or he may have it on a loan and still have money saved up towards a flat. However, chances are he's blown the money on the car but best make sure first. Then explain an Audi TT isn't the most practical car for moving all their belongings out of your place!
I did think that when I calmed down, will find out soon enough."
Find out and sort it out and get it off your chest ........ as it will play on your mind if your dont . Dont feel used feel in control xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well Sassy, all I can say is that I do NOT think you are a mug at all... however, if the money that has been spent on the car is the money that they have been saving up and you don't change some rules (i.e. up their keep) then I will definitely think you are a mug then. |
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"That's me!
My daughter and her boyfriend live with me. I told them to save their money and just give me £100 a month. All food is provided, even their deodarant I buy. Added Sky sport for him.
They were looking at flats so I assumed they must have enough for a deposit now and I'll get my house back.
He's just rocked up in a new Audi TT and announced they're of to Vegas for Christmas.
They don't have a clue why I'm upset! "
£100 a month for two people is £50 for one ...... is £1.70 per day each.
I suspect that it's simply a misunderstanding.
You say you said 'save your money.' Looks like they took your advice.
When you are calm. Don't even discuss it with them. Just say that finances need discussing after their holiday.
When the discussion takes place let them know that you are only prepared to supplement them if their savings go toward their own place.
You have in effect paid for their holiday unless they have done the lot on credit cards.
If they say they don't want any interference in their finance then that is their right to choose that.
Then they have every right to leave their £1.70 per day all in life style.
You should let them
I don't think any child understands the cost of living until it costs them.
How can they ?
We went through all these arguments. Mine hating parting with money for what they thought was theirs because it was mine.
P.S. Can I come and live with you Sass ? I'll pay £1.80. Don't be tight .......say yes x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The look on their faces for a moment I thought I was speaking in Swahili! Apparently my daughter heard me and my eldest discussing her wedding dress, we have an appointment in New Bond St etc and knows what I spend on one I spend on all. Her future in-laws gave him most of the money, but taking into account what my cheeky mare of a daughter thinks is coming her way she encouraged him to buy the car. No fares for her now as he'll be ferrying her to and from work.
Rent has been raised, plus they do their own shopping etc. He's ok an apologetic, Miss Sense of Entitlement had a face on it until I pointed out she was not a hostage in MY house and was free to leave whenever she pleased.
Funny...she's still here!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"That's me!
My daughter and her boyfriend live with me. I told them to save their money and just give me £100 a month. All food is provided, even their deodarant I buy. Added Sky sport for him.
They were looking at flats so I assumed they must have enough for a deposit now and I'll get my house back.
He's just rocked up in a new Audi TT and announced they're of to Vegas for Christmas.
They don't have a clue why I'm upset!
£100 a month for two people is £50 for one ...... is £1.70 per day each.
I suspect that it's simply a misunderstanding.
You say you said 'save your money.' Looks like they took your advice.
When you are calm. Don't even discuss it with them. Just say that finances need discussing after their holiday.
When the discussion takes place let them know that you are only prepared to supplement them if their savings go toward their own place.
You have in effect paid for their holiday unless they have done the lot on credit cards.
If they say they don't want any interference in their finance then that is their right to choose that.
Then they have every right to leave their £1.70 per day all in life style.
You should let them
I don't think any child understands the cost of living until it costs them.
How can they ?
We went through all these arguments. Mine hating parting with money for what they thought was theirs because it was mine.
P.S. Can I come and live with you Sass ? I'll pay £1.80. Don't be tight .......say yes x "
You're too late Gran, there's a long line ahead of you waiting to be adopted/looked after etc until I closed that loophole an hour ago.
His parents are loaded, my ex lives in a four bed house by himself, living with his mum at present as he's done the house up basement to new roof and having hard wood floors laid whilst muffins is being bled dry!
Thank you all for allowing me to vent...much better for my health than cake, chocolate and red wine...all of which I considered before posting.
Mwah to one and all! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had a similar thing with a GF. Way too deep in debt, and behind with her rent. I suggested she move in (hey, there was perks for me too) and didn't need to pay any rent/contribution, so long as she paid the same amount as her old rent off the debts. A bit patronising, but was trying to help.
After a year or so, debt much reduced, she announced a three month world trip - and had paid for it with a new credit card! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Thanks fer sharing Sassy...it prompted us to `ave a chat bout Sharons kids..they`re atypical of their generation s`well..kinda spoilt, bit tricksy to deal with, as I haven`t been in their life long, and the sense of change in Sharons attitude is still reverberatting..(sic)?...and I can only make suggestions, or so I feel!..or at least express what my boundaries and beliefs are. I`ve learn`t fer myself enabling doesn`t work,..difficult to change that dynamic..and still have a feeling of loving support..perceptions eh !
Anyways lol...life never stops being interesting ...there tis.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had a similar thing with a GF. Way too deep in debt, and behind with her rent. I suggested she move in (hey, there was perks for me too) and didn't need to pay any rent/contribution, so long as she paid the same amount as her old rent off the debts. A bit patronising, but was trying to help.
After a year or so, debt much reduced, she announced a three month world trip - and had paid for it with a new credit card!"
and the help of a meal ticket.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I had a similar thing with a GF. Way too deep in debt, and behind with her rent. I suggested she move in (hey, there was perks for me too) and didn't need to pay any rent/contribution, so long as she paid the same amount as her old rent off the debts. A bit patronising, but was trying to help.
After a year or so, debt much reduced, she announced a three month world trip - and had paid for it with a new credit card!"
Lol sorry, that made me smile! I didn't mind helping but they've surprised me with their selfishness and I've surprised myself for being surprised...go figure! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Thanks fer sharing Sassy...it prompted us to `ave a chat bout Sharons kids..they`re atypical of their generation s`well..kinda spoilt, bit tricksy to deal with, as I haven`t been in their life long, and the sense of change in Sharons attitude is still reverberatting..(sic)?...and I can only make suggestions, or so I feel!..or at least express what my boundaries and beliefs are. I`ve learn`t fer myself enabling doesn`t work,..difficult to change that dynamic..and still have a feeling of loving support..perceptions eh !
Anyways lol...life never stops being interesting ...there tis.."
Tricky being a step parent: been there, but boundaries need to be set...says she! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks fer sharing Sassy...it prompted us to `ave a chat bout Sharons kids..they`re atypical of their generation s`well..kinda spoilt, bit tricksy to deal with, as I haven`t been in their life long, and the sense of change in Sharons attitude is still reverberatting..(sic)?...and I can only make suggestions, or so I feel!..or at least express what my boundaries and beliefs are. I`ve learn`t fer myself enabling doesn`t work,..difficult to change that dynamic..and still have a feeling of loving support..perceptions eh !
Anyways lol...life never stops being interesting ...there tis..
Tricky being a step parent: been there, but boundaries need to be set...says she! "
Give yerself a break
Anyways..bed time fer me..take care all.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sassy and Jo, family they may be but love, consideration and caring cut both ways.
It sounds all take and no give as far as your kids are concerned.
Give them the order of the boot and a big wake up call.
Cruel as it may sound, from the outside looking in, they look to be taking the piss!
XXXX
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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my folks used to charge me £500 a month rent about 10 years ago and i had to buy all of my own food etc
but when i moved out, they kitted out my flat for me with all the stuff i needed, they had been saving my rent money and putting it aside for me for when i needed it.
Kids are great, but parents are better |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe they are seeing this is a last opportunity to have a really nice holiday before they can't afford it for a few years. That won't appease your anger though, and I suspect if they'd talked to you about it before buying the car/booking the holiday they would have seen your incandescence, which maybe why they went ahead without talking to you.
Are they aware that you were not taking as much rent from them as you should have because you were giving them room to save for their own place? That needs to be pointed out or reiterated in the very least. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That's me!
My daughter and her boyfriend live with me. I told them to save their money and just give me £100 a month. All food is provided, even their deodarant I buy. Added Sky sport for him.
They were looking at flats so I assumed they must have enough for a deposit now and I'll get my house back.
He's just rocked up in a new Audi TT and announced they're of to Vegas for Christmas.
They don't have a clue why I'm upset! "
Maybe the best move would have to be to charge them £500 a month and save £400 for them on the QT. What ever you do now is going to leave someone unhappy even if its nothing. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Maybe they are seeing this is a last opportunity to have a really nice holiday before they can't afford it for a few years. That won't appease your anger though, and I suspect if they'd talked to you about it before buying the car/booking the holiday they would have seen your incandescence, which maybe why they went ahead without talking to you.
Are they aware that you were not taking as much rent from them as you should have because you were giving them room to save for their own place? That needs to be pointed out or reiterated in the very least."
Yes Wishy they knew, that's why he moved in so they could save. A month after moving in he was made redundant, he was an accountant. He lost his job the Friday, started work the Monday as a personal trainer, turning his pasttime into business: excellent work ethic works everyday, respectful talks to me more than my daughter, kisses me goodbye when he leaves my daughter doesn't always say bye...and worships the ground she walks on.
That's why I felt let down. They're not going to want to live with me forever especially as they'll be forking out more and doing their own shopping! |
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