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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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THE MANS GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure...Go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not over reacting! = I've got my period
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
Was that the baby?= Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important
All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?
THE ANSWER TO A FEMALE SAYING "WHAT'S WRONG?".....
The same old thing = Nothing
Nothing = Everything
Everything = My PMS is acting up
Nothing, really = It's just that you're such a pain in the butt
I don't want to talk about it = Go away, I'm still building up steam
THE WOMEN'S GUIDE TO MEN'S ENGLISH
"I'm hungry" = I'm hungry
"I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy
"I'm tired" = I'm tired
"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!
"You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you
"What's wrong?" = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this
"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
"I'm bored" = Do you want to have sex?
"I love you" = Let's have sex now
"I love you, too" = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = I liked it better before
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair" = £50 and it doesn't look any different!
"Let's talk" = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me
"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys
"I like that one better" (while shopping) = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!!!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Man: Have you changed your hair? Looks nice.
Woman: What was fucking wrong with it before then? Are you trying to say I've let myself go and this is my way of spending your money on pointless beauty treatment. I do earn my own fucking money you know. Why are you always so godamm insensitive!
Man: I'm off to the pub. |
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By *edhotminxWoman
over a year ago
Turn left at the Singing Ringing Tree |
NINE WORDS WOMEN USE
(1) Fine:
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes:
If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing:
This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead:
This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh:
This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to number 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That’s Okay:
This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks:
A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot’ - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome’, that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever:
Is a woman's way of saying F--- YOU!
(9) Don’t worry about it - I'll do it:
Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to number 3.
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