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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Stumbled across this on a website and made me laugh.
1. passionate — horny
2. handsome — my mama tells me this all the time so I must be
3. fit — I can walk from my car to my office without getting too winded
4. athletic — I played football (or some sport) in high school
5. chivalrous — I’ll open the door for you, at least until we’ve had sex a few times
6. Intelligent (sic) — not
7. funny — My fart jokes crack up my buddies
8. gentlemanly — I won’t attack you until the end of the date
9. separated — living in the same house with wife, sleeping in same bed, sometimes having sex, but not often enough so am listing myself on this swinging site
10. curvy — chubby
11. voluptuous — obese
12. Amazon — huge
13. want to have fun — want to have sex
14. adventurous — kinky
15. looking for the one — looking for the one for right now, until someone better comes along
16. want a sensational friendship — friends with benefits
17. romantic — horny
18. give flowers for no reason — you’ll be lucky if you ever see a daisy
Are they accurate? Can you think of any more "euphemisms" we might see on profiles. |
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By *DontExistWoman
over a year ago
•+• Silicon valley. •+• |
love to give oral - won't even go down there with my face at all, you probably won't even get any foreplay whatsoever.
easy going - will rant at you for not replying and call you names.
polite - i want sex and think being polite will get it me.
looking for fun - i'm boring as fuck.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"love to give oral - won't even go down there with my face at all, you probably won't even get any foreplay whatsoever.
easy going - will rant at you for not replying and call you names.
polite - i want sex and think being polite will get it me.
looking for fun - i'm boring as fuck.
"
Like them!  |
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By *DontExistWoman
over a year ago
•+• Silicon valley. •+• |
"love to give oral - won't even go down there with my face at all, you probably won't even get any foreplay whatsoever.
easy going - will rant at you for not replying and call you names.
polite - i want sex and think being polite will get it me.
looking for fun - i'm boring as fuck.
Like them! "
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"love to give oral - won't even go down there with my face at all, you probably won't even get any foreplay whatsoever.
easy going - will rant at you for not replying and call you names.
polite - i want sex and think being polite will get it me.
looking for fun - i'm boring as fuck.
"
Dashes to amend profile quickly |
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By *DontExistWoman
over a year ago
•+• Silicon valley. •+• |
"love to give oral - won't even go down there with my face at all, you probably won't even get any foreplay whatsoever.
easy going - will rant at you for not replying and call you names.
polite - i want sex and think being polite will get it me.
looking for fun - i'm boring as fuck.
Dashes to amend profile quickly "
haha.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Genuine - tactless and ungracious
Fun guy - boring
Go with the flow - no clue what I want in bed
Massage - a few half hearted strokes with some baby oil that I offer in the hope it will tempt some naive sap into bed with me |
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Loves to please - clueless how to do it
Not shagging the whole site - little chance of that!
Never had any complaints - they run as quickly as possible, no chat
Professional - often misspelled, thinks it will impress for a shag
Happy to drive you after drinks - safer to hitchhike as sex expected during the journey and back at yours
A gentleman - a beast
Playful - on the sex offenders register |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Or
love to give oral - I don't wash, hopefully this distracts you enough.
easy going - I want you to come up with all the ideas.
polite - I don't just delete a message. I say no to your face.
looking for fun - looking for sex.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" polite - I don't just delete a message. I say no to your face. "
Laughed at this one!
Some great ones folks, perhaps they should go into the FAB dictionary? |
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Been here before, know how this works -
Been here and failed dismally before, know how you lot demand the unrealistic, not that I could deliver much pleasure anyway.
Or, had previous accounts blocked or the wife found out. Will still lie in an attempt to get any sex that I can. |
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By *imonP23Man
over a year ago
Shepton Mallet |
I find "Curvy" to be particularly annoying on profiles with no body pics. It could mean "chubby" or it could mean "perfect hourglass figure". If the only pics are fanny closeups, I'll assume "chubby".
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Won't shag anything - no chance anyway, so there's some honesty within this and the similar 'everything'.
Your pleasure comes first - as long as it involves giving me what I want, nosh my cock and bareback near anonymously AND free, unlike commercial women. |
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Treat me right and I'll do anything: hooker
I'm a single (age) female looking to meet men, women and couples for sex: I'm probably a fake account. But I might be real because isn't this what a profile should say? I see lots like it so it must be the right way...
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Easy on the eyes - after a few drinks and always in their mum's eyes.
Love banter - may be perceived as offensive by most
Average build - skipped exercise at school and not participated since.
Tall - taller than their mum
Try anything once - expects you to try any of their unpalatable interests for the duration of the meet
Assertive male - big headed twat |
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