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Mental Health Advice :0(
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Advice needed.
My husband suffers from depression and anxiety. And I'm finding it really hard to cope. I try talking to him about but he just clams up. And takes offence to anything I say. If I even mention going to the doctors it's shot down straight away. This has being going on for a few months now, and I do not know what I can do to help him and keep our relationship strong like it use to be.
I know things are hard for him, but he doesn't seem to want to help himself and seek professional advice,and I am at my wits end as I do not know what to do or how to help :0( |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There are so many things I could say, id you need someone to sound off at pm me, even if I can't help I will always listen.x"
Grrr
Well I was trying to put a heart.. but it wouldn't work |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes.... absolutely I can relate to his position. There's an unfortunate amount of personal pride and thinking you can cope with the stresses and strains life throws at you sometimes. I still struggle sometimes, bit have learnt to be better at dismissing the things that caused me anxiety and I also eventually buckled and went to the GP.... however he shot me down and sent me packing which set me back a few months.
I'm in a much better place today, because I opened up and tried to talk to friends and family - mainly because a very good friend of mine killed himself in January. I would advise keeping doing what you're doing but remove the pressure.... leaving a leaflet somewhere he might find it so you're not pressuring him into talking about might work - it did for me.... good luck, and if you ever need any help or guidance I will be here for you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes.... absolutely I can relate to his position. There's an unfortunate amount of personal pride and thinking you can cope with the stresses and strains life throws at you sometimes. I still struggle sometimes, bit have learnt to be better at dismissing the things that caused me anxiety and I also eventually buckled and went to the GP.... however he shot me down and sent me packing which set me back a few months.
I'm in a much better place today, because I opened up and tried to talk to friends and family - mainly because a very good friend of mine killed himself in January. I would advise keeping doing what you're doing but remove the pressure.... leaving a leaflet somewhere he might find it so you're not pressuring him into talking about might work - it did for me.... good luck, and if you ever need any help or guidance I will be here for you x"
Your a brave, stunning man.xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Could you try leaving the odd book around maybe?? I understand 'I had a Black Dog' and the author's second book are profoundly helpful to some people. Good luck."
Thank you for that. I just watched I had a black dog on YouTube.. really struck a cord.. burst into tears  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mr Cooljee here.
You need to get him to a doctor. But to do that he first has to recognise he has a problem. You say he clams up, but his ears are still open. So, talk and talk.
Try to get him to take the NHS online depression questionnaire. A very high score on that can help him to realise that he has a problem, even if he doesn't share the result with you.
Also, there's been so much in the press recently which helps to de-stigmatise mental health issues. The biggest internal struggle going on inside will be that he thinks he just being weak and that he'll be able to get over it by bucking himself up. Point out the latest research which suggests that depression may be a result of inflammation. That knowledge may help him to understand that he's not weak or a nut case.
Once you're in the high scoring area of the Depression Questionnaire, you're well beyond the self help stage. PM me if you wish. |
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But does he have a mental heath problem really?
So many people say that they do, as it's the latest fashionable thing to say. Even the Royal Family are in on the act.
Many people are depressed and anxious, because they have no money, but they do not need mental health professionals involved.
They just need to win the lottery for instance, and then suddenly they would not be depressed about their crap life, and not anxious about having no money anymore. |
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By *uciyassMan
over a year ago
sheffield |
The hardest part about this is the person closest is also suffering but the person with depression doesn't see it as they are trying to carry on as if nothing is wrong. You've probably tried to tell him how your feeling and nothing has come of it. If he doesn't admit to having a problem then things will only get worse im afraid. Are you able to source the reason for the depression if you can , you can try regression therapy yourself by trying to talk about it , if nothing comes of that and you hit a brick wall then I feel it's better to be cruel to be kind and say how you feel regardless of whether he wants to hear it or not. He really needs to go see someone even if it is just your GP, this affects so many people who hide it in public but in private just curl into a ball and hide . God love both of you xx |
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"Could you try leaving the odd book around maybe?? I understand 'I had a Black Dog' and the author's second book are profoundly helpful to some people. Good luck.
Thank you for that. I just watched I had a black dog on YouTube.. really struck a cord.. burst into tears "
Awww bless you - sometimes you need to let it out though.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Could you try leaving the odd book around maybe?? I understand 'I had a Black Dog' and the author's second book are profoundly helpful to some people. Good luck.
Thank you for that. I just watched I had a black dog on YouTube.. really struck a cord.. burst into tears "
I may watch this myself too.... thank you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes.... absolutely I can relate to his position. There's an unfortunate amount of personal pride and thinking you can cope with the stresses and strains life throws at you sometimes. I still struggle sometimes, bit have learnt to be better at dismissing the things that caused me anxiety and I also eventually buckled and went to the GP.... however he shot me down and sent me packing which set me back a few months.
I'm in a much better place today, because I opened up and tried to talk to friends and family - mainly because a very good friend of mine killed himself in January. I would advise keeping doing what you're doing but remove the pressure.... leaving a leaflet somewhere he might find it so you're not pressuring him into talking about might work - it did for me.... good luck, and if you ever need any help or guidance I will be here for you x
Your a brave, stunning man.xx"
Thank you x  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"But does he have a mental heath problem really?
So many people say that they do, as it's the latest fashionable thing to say. Even the Royal Family are in on the act.
Many people are depressed and anxious, because they have no money, but they do not need mental health professionals involved.
They just need to win the lottery for instance, and then suddenly they would not be depressed about their crap life, and not anxious about having no money anymore."
Thank you for your input... this is not about how much money we have in the bank.. and this was never mentioned in my post.
Please please do not comment if you have no knowledge of depression. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Tbh i have had some mental health issues..
Not serious, due to my breakup with an ex.
My saviour was hypnotherapy.
It works if you find a competent practicioner.
The mind is a very complicated thing. We have the conscious and subconscious conscious mind.
A good hypnotherapist (after consulting) will put a person in a very relaxed state and tap directly into the sub conscious mind and help to change thought patterns.
I also underwent hypnosis before some of my tattoos. I didn't feel a thing.
Many may poo poo the idea, but if you are receptive it works.
Unfortunately not currently offered on NHS.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"hi i tried to reply privately but blocked ,as some one who suffered anxiety and depression my self now fine on medication ,go and see his doctors your self and tell then your situation."
The only drawback with that is the doctor will not discuss another patient without their consent.
It can be bloody frustrating as I've been there. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But does he have a mental heath problem really?
So many people say that they do, as it's the latest fashionable thing to say. Even the Royal Family are in on the act.
Many people are depressed and anxious, because they have no money, but they do not need mental health professionals involved.
They just need to win the lottery for instance, and then suddenly they would not be depressed about their crap life, and not anxious about having no money anymore."
I used to feel similarly to this, ya know "chin up" "don't be so daft, you'll be ok" etc....until I lost my parner, 2 years after losing my mum. My life and my mental health have not been the same since. I know why, I know how my depression makes me behave, I can analyse it all and make it make sense, but I still can't control it, which just makes me feel more confused and distraught about everything. If only a lottery win was the answer, but I know it isn't!
I hope ya manage to get the help you and your husband need soon OP! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But does he have a mental heath problem really?
So many people say that they do, as it's the latest fashionable thing to say. Even the Royal Family are in on the act.
Many people are depressed and anxious, because they have no money, but they do not need mental health professionals involved.
They just need to win the lottery for instance, and then suddenly they would not be depressed about their crap life, and not anxious about having no money anymore.
I used to feel similarly to this, ya know "chin up" "don't be so daft, you'll be ok" etc....until I lost my parner, 2 years after losing my mum. My life and my mental health have not been the same since. I know why, I know how my depression makes me behave, I can analyse it all and make it make sense, but I still can't control it, which just makes me feel more confused and distraught about everything. If only a lottery win was the answer, but I know it isn't!
I hope ya manage to get the help you and your husband need soon OP!"
Yes so difficult and I feel for you under those circumstances... "Get a grip" and "pull yourself together" are things I regularly told myself x |
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By *ak777Man
over a year ago
shaw |
"hi i tried to reply privately but blocked ,as some one who suffered anxiety and depression my self now fine on medication ,go and see his doctors your self and tell then your situation.
The only drawback with that is the doctor will not discuss another patient without their consent.
It can be bloody frustrating as I've been there."
they might give you some advice or with regard to a course of action. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"hi i tried to reply privately but blocked ,as some one who suffered anxiety and depression my self now fine on medication ,go and see his doctors your self and tell then your situation.
The only drawback with that is the doctor will not discuss another patient without their consent.
It can be bloody frustrating as I've been there. they might give you some advice or with regard to a course of action."
Hmmm |
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By *DontExistWoman
over a year ago
•+• Silicon valley. •+• |
"hi i tried to reply privately but blocked ,as some one who suffered anxiety and depression my self now fine on medication ,go and see his doctors your self and tell then your situation.
The only drawback with that is the doctor will not discuss another patient without their consent.
It can be bloody frustrating as I've been there."
if you're not a psychologist then there's no point in them discussing stuff with you anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"hi i tried to reply privately but blocked ,as some one who suffered anxiety and depression my self now fine on medication ,go and see his doctors your self and tell then your situation.
The only drawback with that is the doctor will not discuss another patient without their consent.
It can be bloody frustrating as I've been there.
if you're not a psychologist then there's no point in them discussing stuff with you anyway."
I would not make statement like that when you have no idea what I'm talking about. |
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By *DontExistWoman
over a year ago
•+• Silicon valley. •+• |
"hi i tried to reply privately but blocked ,as some one who suffered anxiety and depression my self now fine on medication ,go and see his doctors your self and tell then your situation.
The only drawback with that is the doctor will not discuss another patient without their consent.
It can be bloody frustrating as I've been there.
if you're not a psychologist then there's no point in them discussing stuff with you anyway.
I would not make statement like that when you have no idea what I'm talking about."
fine, i'm not about to start a debate in a support thread. |
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I'm really struggling with my mental health and have been for some time.
Firstly he will have to accept he has a problem.
Secondly admit he has a problem.
Thirdly be willing to get help.
None of these things are easy to do.
A good GP can help, antidepressants, refer for counselling, regular check-ups.
Guided meditation can also help, there is a book with accompanying audio called 'the mindful way through depression' listening to that at night has helped me a lot.
There is also a group called 'Andy's man club' who can be found on Facebook, they hold local meetings for men with mental health issues. That may help too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm really struggling with my mental health and have been for some time.
Firstly he will have to accept he has a problem.
Secondly admit he has a problem.
Thirdly be willing to get help.
None of these things are easy to do.
A good GP can help, antidepressants, refer for counselling, regular check-ups.
Guided meditation can also help, there is a book with accompanying audio called 'the mindful way through depression' listening to that at night has helped me a lot.
There is also a group called 'Andy's man club' who can be found on Facebook, they hold local meetings for men with mental health issues. That may help too."
cheers I'll look at that too |
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By *imonP23Man
over a year ago
Shepton Mallet |
I can relate to this, I've experienced this with my wife. Depression robs the sufferer of motivation, they prefer to wallow in self-pity rather than get help. The more stubborn and self-reliant ones are the worst.
He has to go to a doctor. But getting him there will not be easy, and you will definitely have to go with him, and then make sure that he actually takes the antidepressants that he will hopefully be prescribed.
If he's too stubborn to go, you might try suggesting marriage-guidance counselling instead, that might be enough to shock him into realising that this IS serious. You could also try St Johns Wort tablets - unlike most herbal remedies, these have actually been scientifically tested and shown to work, making them the best antidepressants available over the counter without a prescription.
Of course, he might refuse to take them. But if you prepare his food...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Over the months and years here depression has been a topic people chat about a lot.... Look up some of the old posts op about depression as you can learn a lot from some of them ... I did that as had it myself for over 3 years when I lost my dad and others in my family. Its not a easy thing to deal with as everyone is so different . x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I totally empathise with you.
It's really hard with men as "men don't get depressed" or at least that's what they have grown up believing, plus men have big egos and see it as weaknesses.
My husband was struggling really bad and as selfish as it sounds I couldn't cope with the constant moaning and mood around the house was just bringing me Down and I have counselling training so not been able to help him was really hard. In the end I told him I couldn't cope and needed to stay strong to support him, for this to happen he needed to get help from the doctor and get proper help so I could help him too. He's since gone on tablets and as much as he didn't want to they have helped him no end, he's now working to change things that are really getting him down.
Hugs to you xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think we are wasting our time with this thread.
The original poster had blocked people from contacting her, and has now hidden it.
Probably a fake.
she's vulnerable, don't bully her."
this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are quite a few male charities on the internet where you can get free advice and help. Often the nhs passes patients to them anyway as they are limited in what they can offer.
Hope it works out for people  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think we are wasting our time with this thread.
The original poster had blocked people from contacting her, and has now hidden it.
Probably a fake."
Shall I unhide my profile just to please you?
Only unverified people are blocked from messaging me.
I have not blocked you.
And I am not fake.
Just going through a very hard time |
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There are lots of people you could talk to and natural things you could try.
I have tried to mail you but your profile is hidden... certain bits of information id rather keep away from the public, no offence to anyone |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Advice needed.
My husband suffers from depression and anxiety. And I'm finding it really hard to cope. I try talking to him about but he just clams up. And takes offence to anything I say. If I even mention going to the doctors it's shot down straight away. This has being going on for a few months now, and I do not know what I can do to help him and keep our relationship strong like it use to be.
I know things are hard for him, but he doesn't seem to want to help himself and seek professional advice,and I am at my wits end as I do not know what to do or how to help :0("
Oh hon. Could of been me that wrote that. Not sure there is anything I can say to you other than you are not alone....
My husbands depression is affecting my life. I'm a shadow of the confident happy woman I was. I've broken down on a colleague today which has frustrated me because I always have the 'face' at work, smiling and professional. But I can't so it.
So no lovely. You are so not alone. If you want to message me please do so xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Cannabinoids are being proven through research to have a tremendous impact on depression and anxiety. Either make your own or lobby your mp to get medicinal cannabis legalised. It's so much better for you than the manufactured shit a gp would prescribe for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"But does he have a mental heath problem really?
So many people say that they do, as it's the latest fashionable thing to say. Even the Royal Family are in on the act.
Many people are depressed and anxious, because they have no money, but they do not need mental health professionals involved.
They just need to win the lottery for instance, and then suddenly they would not be depressed about their crap life, and not anxious about having no money anymore.
Thank you for your input... this is not about how much money we have in the bank.. and this was never mentioned in my post.
Please please do not comment if you have no knowledge of depression."
think it was just being given as an example not saying that was the cause - i have had depression and a break down in the past - has he been diagnosed at all or will he just not go to the gp fullstop - maybe chat to one of his mates as he might - just might open up over a pint or footie match - worth a try xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think we are wasting our time with this thread.
The original poster had blocked people from contacting her, and has now hidden it.
Probably a fake."
shes not hidden and i could message her if i wanted to |
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Its very hard for a man to admit they have problems ,its even harder for them to go to a doctor ,not like women we chat with our friends and stuff like that ,all you can do is support him at the moment and when he is ready he will ask for help x |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
"But does he have a mental heath problem really?
So many people say that they do, as it's the latest fashionable thing to say. Even the Royal Family are in on the act.
Many people are depressed and anxious, because they have no money, but they do not need mental health professionals involved.
They just need to win the lottery for instance, and then suddenly they would not be depressed about their crap life, and not anxious about having no money anymore."
Depression and anxiety can be mental health problems, regardless of why they have these issues. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Advice needed.
My husband suffers from depression and anxiety. And I'm finding it really hard to cope. I try talking to him about but he just clams up. And takes offence to anything I say. If I even mention going to the doctors it's shot down straight away. This has being going on for a few months now, and I do not know what I can do to help him and keep our relationship strong like it use to be.
I know things are hard for him, but he doesn't seem to want to help himself and seek professional advice,and I am at my wits end as I do not know what to do or how to help :0("
Mr, having been in the same situation we men are brought up to man up and cope,J kept saying go to the Drs but it wasn't until I felt I couldn't cope anymore and was bursting into tears while driving about for work, I ended up being off work for six months with depression and spent over 2 years on anti depressants but with the help of J and friends I've been off the anti depressants for 4years still have the occasional bad day, all I can say is just be there for him and tell him that when he feels he needs the help you'll help him as much as you can but you need support as well. Good luck and take care |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
OP just ignore the twat being a troll
I'm starting training to be the mental health rep at work next month, it's something that's becoming more and note recognised, unfortunately as seen on this thread there's still the knuckle draggers that think you only need a bit of cash to cure depression.
There's loads of groups available for support of men. Andy's man club is great
What a lot of people don't know is that suicide is the biggest killer of men under 45. So no, it's not a case of "man up" or some money will solve it.
I hope you get the support you both need OP, the hardest step of the first one.
#itsokaytotalk |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Advice needed.
My husband suffers from depression and anxiety. And I'm finding it really hard to cope. I try talking to him about but he just clams up. And takes offence to anything I say. If I even mention going to the doctors it's shot down straight away. This has being going on for a few months now, and I do not know what I can do to help him and keep our relationship strong like it use to be.
I know things are hard for him, but he doesn't seem to want to help himself and seek professional advice,and I am at my wits end as I do not know what to do or how to help :0(
Mr, having been in the same situation we men are brought up to man up and cope,J kept saying go to the Drs but it wasn't until I felt I couldn't cope anymore and was bursting into tears while driving about for work, I ended up being off work for six months with depression and spent over 2 years on anti depressants but with the help of J and friends I've been off the anti depressants for 4years still have the occasional bad day, all I can say is just be there for him and tell him that when he feels he needs the help you'll help him as much as you can but you need support as well. Good luck and take care "
You are a true inspiration x
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
"Tbh i have had some mental health issues..
Not serious, due to my breakup with an ex.
My saviour was hypnotherapy.
It works if you find a competent practicioner.
The mind is a very complicated thing. We have the conscious and subconscious conscious mind.
A good hypnotherapist (after consulting) will put a person in a very relaxed state and tap directly into the sub conscious mind and help to change thought patterns.
I also underwent hypnosis before some of my tattoos. I didn't feel a thing.
Many may poo poo the idea, but if you are receptive it works.
Unfortunately not currently offered on NHS.
"
Actually, hypnosis can be a good thing. A close relative has terminal cancer and was quite understandably, depressed and anxious. She had two sessions and is now so positive and she was very sceptic about it.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"OP just ignore the twat being a troll
I'm starting training to be the mental health rep at work next month, it's something that's becoming more and note recognised, unfortunately as seen on this thread there's still the knuckle draggers that think you only need a bit of cash to cure depression.
There's loads of groups available for support of men. Andy's man club is great
What a lot of people don't know is that suicide is the biggest killer of men under 45. So no, it's not a case of "man up" or some money will solve it.
I hope you get the support you both need OP, the hardest step of the first one.
#itsokaytotalk "
Thank you x |
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"Cannabinoids are being proven through research to have a tremendous impact on depression and anxiety. Either make your own or lobby your mp to get medicinal cannabis legalised. It's so much better for you than the manufactured shit a gp would prescribe for you "
I beg to differ, going that route can make you feel worse if you are already severely depressed. |
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"OP just ignore the twat being a troll
I'm starting training to be the mental health rep at work next month, it's something that's becoming more and note recognised, unfortunately as seen on this thread there's still the knuckle draggers that think you only need a bit of cash to cure depression.
There's loads of groups available for support of men. Andy's man club is great
What a lot of people don't know is that suicide is the biggest killer of men under 45. So no, it's not a case of "man up" or some money will solve it.
I hope you get the support you both need OP, the hardest step of the first one.
#itsokaytotalk "
This!
And the UK has the highest suicide rate, especially the north east region.
OK, I recommend you get some support too, if your husband sees that you are being affected it might be enough to trigger him getting some help too.
#You'reStrongerThanYouThink |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Ive been exactly where your fella has been recently and on a few other occasions.Somewhere inside he'll be hurting or saddened by something .
The more I was told I was ill and I must go to the doctors I was determined not to.
So I put a front on but inside its still there......No man will admit to suffering like this voluntarily |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ive been exactly where your fella has been recently and on a few other occasions.Somewhere inside he'll be hurting or saddened by something .
The more I was told I was ill and I must go to the doctors I was determined not to.
So I put a front on but inside its still there......No man will admit to suffering like this voluntarily "
Spot on mate |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Ive been exactly where your fella has been recently and on a few other occasions.Somewhere inside he'll be hurting or saddened by something .
The more I was told I was ill and I must go to the doctors I was determined not to.
So I put a front on but inside its still there......No man will admit to suffering like this voluntarily "
But as a wife. How do I get around this??? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My daughter suffers really badly from anxiety I found that neuro linguistic programming really helped to change her coping mechanism. Instead of seeing a huge amount of things as a threat she now sees them as a challenge. When she started suffering from anxiety trying to get her to talk just made her clam up and become anxious but gently coaxing her worked. Your partner may feel ashamed of the way he feels as society dictates that men are meant to be strong and the provider of safety and security to their family when in fact we all have emotions both good and bad x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Try not to challenge him or confront him .I wouldnt like to give advice as Im not really qualified too and wouldnt want to make your situation worse .
For what its worth I experienced an overwhelming sadness and felt very lonely.I hardly drink dont gamble on dont take drugs .My reasons for it are quite clear to me but this is about you not me. |
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