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Finding open minded flatmates ..
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By *oyage OP Couple
over a year ago
London |
We have a room in our 2 bedroom place that we need to rent out..
We are struggling to find people that are open minded to sharing a flat with a non monogamous couple...
We have stated it on our adverts on 'normal' flathunting sites because we dont want to hide our lifestyle...
Any other hints or tips or if you are looking or know of anyone????
Anyone else been through the same process?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I appreciate you are trying to be open from the outset but I can imagine many people might feel that you are either looking for something a little more than just a lodger, or your home is going to resemble a knocking shop for want of a better phrase.
Perhaps it would be worth saving until you can let them know in person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I was looking for somewhere I would avoid your place if your ad stated something along those lines, as I WOULD FEEL YOU WERE LOOKING FOR MORE THAN A FLAT MATE TO BE FAIR.
I hate caps lock by the way! |
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By *oyage OP Couple
over a year ago
London |
That's where we are a bit torn and not sure what to do...this is what we have stated.... Happy to take some advice
We are in an ethical non-monogamous relationship so you would need to be comfortable with that. We understand that it is not in everyone's values set but wanted to be open and honest. This is something we are mindful of with sharing a flat and do keep consideration of others. We are not wanting to interact that way with flatmates.
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By *ohnandGemCouple
over a year ago
Louth/Meath/Dublin |
If I were single I'd have no problem viewing your place, but some give and take would be expected.
For example, I'd have no problem with you being swingers as long as I don't have to turn down the volume of my porn when i'm masturbating.
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By *oyage OP Couple
over a year ago
London |
"The thing that would put me off would be that it's not normal advertising to let people know your sexual persuaions in a flat share ad."
We are also weary that we don't want flatmates that move in then out straight away when we have someone come visit |
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Is the issue partly just the 'nuisance' / privacy factor for the sharer? Are they going to have your other partners coming and going etc?
Might not be a judgemental issue at all, they just don't fancy some new guy being there some breakfast times / in the bathroom etc?? |
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By *oyage OP Couple
over a year ago
London |
"Is the issue partly just the 'nuisance' / privacy factor for the sharer? Are they going to have your other partners coming and going etc?
Might not be a judgemental issue at all, they just don't fancy some new guy being there some breakfast times / in the bathroom etc??"
Yeah we don't do it often it's a blue moon kinda thing vs weekly occurrence |
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"Is the issue partly just the 'nuisance' / privacy factor for the sharer? Are they going to have your other partners coming and going etc?
Might not be a judgemental issue at all, they just don't fancy some new guy being there some breakfast times / in the bathroom etc??
Yeah we don't do it often it's a blue moon kinda thing vs weekly occurrence "
Maybe, but that can't be explained unless they answer the ad. It's the perception of the 'problem'. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it can be hard to find a single person wanting to move in with a couple irrespective of whether the couple is open or not.
Perhaps place adverts not stating it. Interviews would be where I would expect to have those conversations however the conversation pans out -- as the single person will want to know how you'd feel about their potential or current partner or partners coming and going too.
In the advert I'd talk about seeking an open minded person or words along those lines rather than being overt. I'm open about polyamory or swinging relationships but would start imagining the worst possible eventualities if it was referenced in the advert (i.e. how much of an issue is it that you're needing to explicitly advertise from the off, how many lodgers have left due to it etc!!) rather than it being an adult discussion at the point of meeting to establish if it's okay for both parties and answer questions or whatever about it in real time.
Good luck. |
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By *oyage OP Couple
over a year ago
London |
"I think it can be hard to find a single person wanting to move in with a couple irrespective of whether the couple is open or not.
Perhaps place adverts not stating it. Interviews would be where I would expect to have those conversations however the conversation pans out -- as the single person will want to know how you'd feel about their potential or current partner or partners coming and going too.
In the advert I'd talk about seeking an open minded person or words along those lines rather than being overt. I'm open about polyamory or swinging relationships but would start imagining the worst possible eventualities if it was referenced in the advert (i.e. how much of an issue is it that you're needing to explicitly advertise from the off, how many lodgers have left due to it etc!!) rather than it being an adult discussion at the point of meeting to establish if it's okay for both parties and answer questions or whatever about it in real time.
Good luck."
Thank you for that info  we have never had to flat before like this so is all new and our current flatmates are aware. We would ideally like a couple.
We are going to try the advert for a few days and see and then change if no good I think |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it can be hard to find a single person wanting to move in with a couple irrespective of whether the couple is open or not.
Perhaps place adverts not stating it. Interviews would be where I would expect to have those conversations however the conversation pans out -- as the single person will want to know how you'd feel about their potential or current partner or partners coming and going too.
In the advert I'd talk about seeking an open minded person or words along those lines rather than being overt. I'm open about polyamory or swinging relationships but would start imagining the worst possible eventualities if it was referenced in the advert (i.e. how much of an issue is it that you're needing to explicitly advertise from the off, how many lodgers have left due to it etc!!) rather than it being an adult discussion at the point of meeting to establish if it's okay for both parties and answer questions or whatever about it in real time.
Good luck."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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lol i would love to have seen this when i was looking for a room its so hard to find somewere were people are in the same frame of mind witg sexuality swinging etc luckly my friend who i rent off knows what i get up to so its all good lol  |
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