FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Advice needed!
Advice needed!
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
So guys my closest and most valued mate is a gay man. We've know each other since we were kids and treat each other like brothers, we have banter and most our family and friends joke we should get married. I've been seeing someone on/off for about 8 yrs she's a massive homophobe so therefore I've never introduced the two. Recently she's accused me of sleep with my mate or that "something" is going on (so far from the truth it's laughable) anyway recently he's dropped a big win online gambling and booked for the two of us to go see the northern lights. My female friend has told me that he's clearly in love with me and I'm too blind to see it. I've asked my brother and his wife what they think, my brother agrees with me his wife has sided with her. I've no doubt he loves me as a brother as I do him, or am I being blind? I don't wanna say anything to him as it'll massively weird him out and he'll stop being himself around me.
What do I do??? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
what some people don't get is that gay men are not sexually attracted to every man on the planet.
If there is nothing between you and your friend then fuck what everyone else thinks. Go on holiday and see the northern lights. You don't have to explain your friendship to anybody |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Your missus sounds like a twat op
She's accusing you of cheating and being gay/bi
Oh and as you said, she's a massive homophobe......maybe time to switch the on/off switch to off |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"what some people don't get is that gay men are not sexually attracted to every man on the planet.
If there is nothing between you and your friend then fuck what everyone else thinks. Go on holiday and see the northern lights. You don't have to explain your friendship to anybody"
Totally agree with this.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *utie91Woman
over a year ago
Hitchin |
"what some people don't get is that gay men are not sexually attracted to every man on the planet.
If there is nothing between you and your friend then fuck what everyone else thinks. Go on holiday and see the northern lights. You don't have to explain your friendship to anybody
Totally agree with this. "
This
Having said that.... what happens on holiday, stays on holiday   |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
This guy is your best mate OP. Your closeness should not sullied by small minds. What your friend is offering, is the holiday of a lifetime. I'll go if you don't . In all seriousness though, you have to go with what's right for you. I believe that is to go. If your missus really had respect, she'd accept your friendship and not throw comments like that around, in an attempt to make you feel uncomfortable to be around him. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
You've been in this on off relationship 8 years and they never met 
Firstly I think you've created an air of mystery about your friend. She can't judge your relationship properly because you've never allowed them to meet, in 8 years??
Secondly it's very bizarre that you're open minded enough to have a gay friend yet will tolerate a homophobic...
And finally, why all the fuss. You call her your gf, come on here slating here, but you're the one on a swingers site going behind her back and despite labelling yourself straight, your recent verified meet is a TV.
If you can't do the right thing by her, set her free to meet someone that does respect her, then you won't have these silly dilemmas either
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Secondly it's very bizarre that you're open minded enough to have a gay friend yet will tolerate a homophobic...
"
I think the fact the Op can tolerate a overt homophobe as a gf says he!s very open minded tbh, from my view at least. Just because you're open minded doesn't mean you have to stand up for everyone else's rights unless you feel called to do that.
The fact you do tolerate such a ying and yang contrast with you stuck in the middle of your close relationships does possibly mean you're easily dominated by other people's views?... that's if you have never crossed your gf on her world views?... Or that you don't really have any real fixed views on what you believe is right or wrong?!.
Imo if you can't stand up for what you think is morally acceptable you will be forced to accept someone else's status quo... Emancipation comes from within else it isn't true freedom because you're not really self empowered if someone comes and frees you: that just makes you someone else's pet project. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Girls come and go, do you really want to loose a life time friend over a girl. That being said one of my best friends is a full blown lesbian but I won't change anything about our friendship just because I've got a gf. Plus I live in hope to get the too of them together while I watch  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Girls come and go, do you really want to loose a life time friend over a girl. That being said one of my best friends is a full blown lesbian but I won't change anything about our friendship just because I've got a gf. Plus I live in hope to get the too of them together while I watch "
Lol just as well you have imagination to take the edge off your patient wait lol x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Your missus sounds like a twat op
She's accusing you of cheating and being gay/bi
Oh and as you said, she's a massive homophobe......maybe time to switch the on/off switch to off "
He IS cheating. He's on here |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Sorry to say it but sounds like she is the one with the problem if she can't handle it bin her as it will come to the point she will make you choose her or your friend |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Show her your fab profile, that will stop her from thinking your gay. She will get rid of you then, so problem solved. I wouldn't give time of day to a homophobic person. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
He loves you . In a funny way he probably does, Ive got a friend I'd do anything for. I'd love to go away with him but and spend time with my best friend. We used to go camping together when I was younger. We don't get the time now.
We're allowed friends even if jealous/homophobic people would like it otherwise. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Tell her to grow the fuck up, Stand up to her.
Go on holiday with him. Maybe he does love you, I've got a mate I love to the ends of the earth.
Friends before anything else. If he is that good a friend and they haven't met after 8 years I would be questioning your allegiance to her anyway. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You've been in this on off relationship 8 years and they never met
Firstly I think you've created an air of mystery about your friend. She can't judge your relationship properly because you've never allowed them to meet, in 8 years??
Secondly it's very bizarre that you're open minded enough to have a gay friend yet will tolerate a homophobic...
And finally, why all the fuss. You call her your gf, come on here slating here, but you're the one on a swingers site going behind her back and despite labelling yourself straight, your recent verified meet is a TV.
If you can't do the right thing by her, set her free to meet someone that does respect her, then you won't have these silly dilemmas either
"
I second this!!! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"So guys my closest and most valued mate is a gay man. We've know each other since we were kids and treat each other like brothers, we have banter and most our family and friends joke we should get married. I've been seeing someone on/off for about 8 yrs she's a massive homophobe so therefore I've never introduced the two. Recently she's accused me of sleep with my mate or that "something" is going on (so far from the truth it's laughable) anyway recently he's dropped a big win online gambling and booked for the two of us to go see the northern lights. My female friend has told me that he's clearly in love with me and I'm too blind to see it. I've asked my brother and his wife what they think, my brother agrees with me his wife has sided with her. I've no doubt he loves me as a brother as I do him, or am I being blind? I don't wanna say anything to him as it'll massively weird him out and he'll stop being himself around me.
What do I do??? "
Dump the girlfriend x
It matters not if your friend loves you , he is your friend by mutual consent and with all relationships you have both made and accepted your boundaries
x however
Is your gf homophobic or jealous?
If she is homophobic dump her , just not a nice perspective to hold with regards her fellow humans
If she has no real issue with other gay people then understanding why she is jealous may help
Either way she does not sound so nice
I met a lovely lady  however her racism was intolerable for me and I moved on
Trite and hate filled comments do nothing to seduce me x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
In fairness something has been going on recently, you joined a swingers site 3 mths ago and apparently have met a TV. She may be slightly off the mark but she's not wrong.
I agree with you on the should you go question, because I don't think you should damage your friendship with your best mate for a homophobe on /off partner I'm assuming things aren't perfect with because you're here without her. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So guys my closest and most valued mate is a gay man. We've know each other since we were kids and treat each other like brothers, we have banter and most our family and friends joke we should get married. I've been seeing someone on/off for about 8 yrs she's a massive homophobe so therefore I've never introduced the two. Recently she's accused me of sleep with my mate or that "something" is going on (so far from the truth it's laughable) anyway recently he's dropped a big win online gambling and booked for the two of us to go see the northern lights. My female friend has told me that he's clearly in love with me and I'm too blind to see it. I've asked my brother and his wife what they think, my brother agrees with me his wife has sided with her. I've no doubt he loves me as a brother as I do him, or am I being blind? I don't wanna say anything to him as it'll massively weird him out and he'll stop being himself around me.
What do I do??? "
As an outsider looking in...OP you've actually created this yourself. First and foremost you have not been honest about yourself and what you really want. You've created an air of mystery with your girlfriend (as mentioned) with regards to your best mate and 8 years of this has just meant that it's been gathering momentum and now you're at an avalanche stage. The best policy is honesty. Remember you are number 1 in this life. Look inwardly at what you want first and then adjust everything else accordingly. The problem doesn't lie with others but yourself. Wishing you well. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In fairness something has been going on recently, you joined a swingers site 3 mths ago and apparently have met a TV. She may be slightly off the mark but she's not wrong.
I agree with you on the should you go question, because I don't think you should damage your friendship with your best mate for a homophobe on /off partner I'm assuming things aren't perfect with because you're here without her."
Agree with this, although haven't checked OP's profile. Reading between the lines OP's post feels like it's a start of someone coming out to me, hope that doesn't offend!  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ool-ladMan
over a year ago
Hartlepool |
'scuse me i havent read the whole of this thread - yet - hot topic.
-
first impression, your gay mate is the one twisting the knife [on himself] - if that's the question, and there *is* a knife being twisted by someone....
As for are you being un-fair to anyone?
again, your gay mate just has this hard lesson to learn - so long as you recognise if he is getting *too* distressed and you take measures to address issues.
Surely any gay man worth his salt, learns to move on
-either that or he's prepared to sacrifice a real-relationship, for an imagined-one with you
-or he's sorted and would be chuckling if he knew you were knickers-twisted like this...
-as for you...: see me afterwards, lol, im more than happy that men want what they want, when they want it... jog on, stay happy xxx
.....right, who have i offended now.... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ool-ladMan
over a year ago
Hartlepool |
and this
"what some people don't get is that gay men are not sexually attracted to every man on the planet.
If there is nothing between you and your friend then fuck what everyone else thinks. Go on holiday and see the northern lights. You don't have to explain your friendship to anybody
Totally agree with this. "
This
Having said that.... what happens on holiday, stays on holiday |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ool-ladMan
over a year ago
Hartlepool |
i'll stop after this...
you said the bit about where she told you..
... that he's clearly in love with you ...
- well so what - and if you're blind, then surely we're all guilty of missing other's sensitivities, somewhere down the line
... you also said:
I don't wanna say anything to him as it'll massively weird him out...
This is such a lovely thing to hear a straight man say. That is all 3 3
go with it xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Show her your fab profile, that will stop her from thinking your gay. She will get rid of you then, so problem solved. I wouldn't give time of day to a homophobic person. "
Homophobes, liars, people that are disrespectful to their partners - all distasteful.
Yet having a gay friend suddenly makes one a hero. Only on fab |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Update, I asked my mate how he felt and yes he loves me, as a brother like I thought and me and her are done, her husband can put up with her shit from now on. Thanks guys |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
other people are so insecure whilst you and your mate are happy with your relationship - i have had a girl mate in the past - we did everything together for about 8 years - lived together and people talked about us but we were simply the closest of friends -
go and let your friend share his good luck with you and have a blast watching those amazing lights |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Update, I asked my mate how he felt and yes he loves me, as a brother like I thought and me and her are done, her husband can put up with her shit from now on. Thanks guys "
Her husband 
Lol lol lol
Oh my that's class. Very very honourable of you OP |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Update, I asked my mate how he felt and yes he loves me, as a brother like I thought and me and her are done, her husband can put up with her shit from now on. Thanks guys "
Wait man you didn't say she had a husband. What the fuck you worrying about it she ain't your bloody wife? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Update, I asked my mate how he felt and yes he loves me, as a brother like I thought and me and her are done, her husband can put up with her shit from now on. Thanks guys "
So you get a holiday and lose a massive homophobe. Sounds like win/win to me. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So guys my closest and most valued mate is a gay man. We've know each other since we were kids and treat each other like brothers, we have banter and most our family and friends joke we should get married. I've been seeing someone on/off for about 8 yrs she's a massive homophobe so therefore I've never introduced the two. Recently she's accused me of sleep with my mate or that "something" is going on (so far from the truth it's laughable) anyway recently he's dropped a big win online gambling and booked for the two of us to go see the northern lights. My female friend has told me that he's clearly in love with me and I'm too blind to see it. I've asked my brother and his wife what they think, my brother agrees with me his wife has sided with her. I've no doubt he loves me as a brother as I do him, or am I being blind? I don't wanna say anything to him as it'll massively weird him out and he'll stop being himself around me.
What do I do??? "
Carry on being his best mate, he's always been gay, you've always been his mate all that has changed is that you both know he's gay now. Sexuality is personal, friendship is friendship.
Give him a hug then go for a beer and talk about your memories and have a good laugh!
He will be there for you when you need support, friends support each other irrelevant of sexuality. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"what some people don't get is that gay men are not sexually attracted to every man on the planet.
If there is nothing between you and your friend then fuck what everyone else thinks. Go on holiday and see the northern lights. You don't have to explain your friendship to anybody"
This! I'm a straight guy with a gay friend, and i know what crap he puts up with.
Go on yr hols with him.
Plus, i'd dump that homophobic girlfriend. She sounds bollocks.. Sorry |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Update, I asked my mate how he felt and yes he loves me, as a brother like I thought and me and her are done, her husband can put up with her shit from now on. Thanks guys
Wait man you didn't say she had a husband. What the fuck you worrying about it she ain't your bloody wife?"
Fuckin hell mate, pack ya winter gear and hit the hols with yer mate and dump her.
Life long friends are more important than a homophobic shit like her |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Go on holiday with your friend - you can't cure someone else's stupidity.
You know with a close friend if you're platonic and there's no hidden agenda. Close friends are like gold dust - but much more valuable - and I'd invest into those relationships above most others.
The days of assuming gay men want any man are long behind us. Let bigots stew in their own thoughts |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"what some people don't get is that gay men are not sexually attracted to every man on the planet.
If there is nothing between you and your friend then fuck what everyone else thinks. Go on holiday and see the northern lights. You don't have to explain your friendship to anybody"
Definitely this & I've read all the comments which seem to be going off track somewhat!
I guess you'll know instinctively what to do. Go with your gut feeling x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"She's been a good friend and we worked closely together for years "
Then treat her as such.
There's obviously way more to this than you're telling us here, but then there always is. The majority seem ready to condemn her from the little you've told us and I think that's massively unfair. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
