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How to tell someone something without upsetting them
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 my older sister is 4 years older than me she weighs 35 stone and is going to die if she doesn't lose weight , how do I brooch the subject without upsetting her? | |||
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"I think the time for not upsetting has passed. She needs to know clearly that she has to act." She has absolutely no quality of life that's what I can't get my head around  | |||
"Hi all my older sister is 4 years older than me she weighs 35 stone and is going to die if she doesn't lose weight , how do I brooch the subject without upsetting her?"She's probably aware of the problem, herself. No easy way to do this, so just be blunt and honest. If she has kids, then she's also got a responsibility to be around for their future. Telling her to take more care of herself, is fine, but would she listen? Most people with similar issues, fail to act until something serious happens, and then it's damage limitation. | |||
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"I think the time for not upsetting has passed. She needs to know clearly that she has to act. She has absolutely no quality of life that's what I can't get my head around "She needs to be upset. I would tell her she is killing herself and unless she acts she is going to leave you all behind. | |||
"Hi all my older sister is 4 years older than me she weighs 35 stone and is going to die if she doesn't lose weight , how do I brooch the subject without upsetting her?
She's probably aware of the problem, herself.
No easy way to do this, so just be blunt and honest.
If she has kids, then she's also got a responsibility to be around for their future.
Telling her to take more care of herself,
is fine, but would she listen? Most people with similar issues, fail to act until something serious happens, and then it's damage limitation. "luckily her son is 21 | |||
"I think the time for not upsetting has passed. She needs to know clearly that she has to act. She has absolutely no quality of life that's what I can't get my head around "I would imagine the quacks will be telling her she needs to drastically change , so for now just show support , and maybe talk to her after she's back home | |||
"Everthing is a real effort getting up,walking just everything surely to get like that it's a mental thing isn't it?" At 35 stone, it is physical as well. Which create a vicious cycle. Help her by all means. | |||
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"It could be that the suspected heart attack would be enough to shock her into doing something about it. Unfortunately, it has to be the individual who makes their mind up to change their lifestyle. I wouldn't worry too much about saying anything that you think may upset or offend." I really hope so mate  | |||
"im sorry to hear she's in hospital. Hopefully, this time, the reality will "bite" and she might take responsibility for her condition and change for the better, for herself, husband and her family. I'd show her a mortuary slab drawer. Cold, clinical and final. "That's where I'll be visiting to identify you, if you don't change"" blimey I wouldn't want to piss you off  | |||
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"I'm sure the hospital staff will be telling her but there's things that people around her can do as well. Like how does her husband allow her to get like that as well? Everyone around her should be doing what they can to ensure she eats healthily. You don't get to 35 stone without eating a shit load of calories. 20 stone ago she should have been told. No need for a woman to weigh more than 15 stone. " I know she was always chubby even as a kid and obviously you don't see her eat much but behind closed doors she must be eating loads. As you can see I keep myself fit through mountain biking and going to the gym but as far as I know her and her husband just eat and sleep so are not burning calories. | |||
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"If being in hospital isn't enough to scare her then I don't know what is. Maybe having a family member being honest with her will work, no point beating around the bush just be upfront."  thanks | |||
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"I'm sure the hospital staff will be telling her but there's things that people around her can do as well. Like how does her husband allow her to get like that as well? Everyone around her should be doing what they can to ensure she eats healthily. You don't get to 35 stone without eating a shit load of calories. 20 stone ago she should have been told. No need for a woman to weigh more than 15 stone. I know she was always chubby even as a kid and obviously you don't see her eat much but behind closed doors she must be eating loads. As you can see I keep myself fit through mountain biking and going to the gym but as far as I know her and her husband just eat and sleep so are not burning calories." at 35 stone shes probbaly burning the same amount of calories a day as you just staying alive. fat is living flesh after all and at those sizes actually becomes quite a big factor | |||
"im sorry to hear she's in hospital. Hopefully, this time, the reality will "bite" and she might take responsibility for her condition and change for the better, for herself, husband and her family. I'd show her a mortuary slab drawer. Cold, clinical and final. "That's where I'll be visiting to identify you, if you don't change" blimey I wouldn't want to piss you off "To be fair sometimes that works. I nearly got put on insulin as I hadn't controlled my t2 diabetes but I saw someone at work get their dose wrong and they looked like shit so I started properly doing something about it. Now my last 2 blood tests have been under target. When I was 14 I got caught smoking by my dad. He threatened to take me to see people dying of cancer and to go to my nan and grandad's grave as they both died from cancer. Didn't touch cigarettes again. | |||
"It's time to be blunt and honest,she may even thank you in the end " as I said earlier with the quality of life she has you would think she would change for herself | |||
"If he's fat and not arsed about eating well either then that's going to be harder for her. She's got a husband so in her mind doesn't need to impress anyone, what's the son like is he fat aswell? She needs intervention. Someone to actually prepare her meals and do the food shop with her and totally educate her about food and what to cook. " no he's a roadie so he's strong but fit | |||
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"I got told less than a week ago that i needed to lose weight or I'd be dead in 5 years! And in the middle of my son's 18th birthday party. "By someone well meaning rather than malicious I hope. OP - good luck with helping your sister. It's going to be a long journey but so worth it. Hope it all goes well. | |||
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"Sorry about your situation and that it has resulted to this, I'm sure your sister is fully aware with regards to her lifestyle and health. The health professionals will be doing their best to get her on the right path, it just all depends if she will listen to them I'm afraid x" foxy the doctors just tell her she must lose weight that is all | |||
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"Sorry about your situation and that it has resulted to this, I'm sure your sister is fully aware with regards to her lifestyle and health. The health professionals will be doing their best to get her on the right path, it just all depends if she will listen to them I'm afraid x foxy the doctors just tell her she must lose weight that is all "I'm sure they are stressing more than just that, but if that is the case, I think you are going to have to be blunt with her and stop tiptoeing around her as that is not helping anyone is it? | |||
"Maybe get one or two bottles of wine and then tell her .... I would need that if I was going to tell my sister she is fat ........... You see she know and maybe don't wish to face it .. so she could be mad at you ......... or she could say yes I know so what .. Then you can say come on I wish you to be around for years and I am thinking of you and will be there to help if I can as your my sister and care for you. op its not a easy one so good luck . xxxx"  | |||
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"The reasons behind why she is overeating need to be looked at. Just telling someone to not eat as much isn't going to help. I doubt anyone would tell an anorexic to just eat more without looking into the reasons why they're an anorexic." | |||
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"I do think at that size and with apparent health issues the Dr should be discussing things more with her than just telling her to lose weight. I am a great advocate for extreme obesity being as much of a mental health issue as bring anorexic but it is rarely considered so. It is not healthy to get to that size and not see the need to change things. It is hard and no doubt she may have tried in the past and failed but it needs addressing at a psychological level. I know for a fact I have unhealthy relationship with food, portion sizes and an idea of fairness which causes me to eat more than I really need to. But I'm lucky and I recognise that and can try to help myself overcome it. " thanks you | |||
"Hi all my older sister is 4 years older than me she weighs 35 stone and is going to die if she doesn't lose weight , how do I brooch the subject without upsetting her?"Unless you think your sister is stupid believe me she knows that her life expectancy is short! And being softy softy doesn't always help. What she possibly is struggling with are her options ( you don't give info in the op) Support and going with her to investigate may be the way. | |||
"Everthing is a real effort getting up,walking just everything surely to get like that it's a mental thing isn't it?" No... But therapy can help alongside whichever road she takes.. | |||
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"Hi all my older sister is 4 years older than me she weighs 35 stone and is going to die if she doesn't lose weight , how do I brooch the subject without upsetting her?"I was nowhere near 35 stone but I have recently lost 9st and have to say, from personal experience, that people can tell you over and over and over, but until your (her) own brain kicks in and says "for fuck sake you MUST sort yourself out" whatever you say won't make much difference. | |||
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"As so many others have said it has to be your sister who makes the decision to change. Goodness knows how many times people told me to lose weight over the years. My sister often begged me to change, and i knew I was I huge. But whereas some use drugs or alcohol to get through life, I used food. And I made it to 27 stone before I finally decided to change. Thing is, I didn't love me enough to want to make the change. I knew i was big, and I'm far from stupid, it's just somehow you end up in this state of denial. It was only by being confronted by my own image several times a day on holiday last November that really made me realise how much i was struggling to walk and how different how I really looked was to how i thought i looked. Once it had sunk in, as soon as I got home I registered with slimming world and have been going to classes ever since. Thing is, like another lady has posted, I have a toxic relationship with food. I've inherited it from my mum. From being a kid it's been ingrained into me - sweeties take nasty tastes away, if you've had a bad day chocolate or a biscuit makes you feel better, if you've done well at something then food is a reward, and wasting food is bad. If you don't finish your dinner you can't have pudding. Well i liked pudding more than dinner so made sure i ate all my dinner, even if i was full, so that i could have my pudding that i would force myself to eat too, after all i'd eaten the dinner i didn't want just so I could have it. There's so much I learnt from my mum that i'm having to unlearn day by day. It's not as simple as eat less, move more. You've got to figure out why you overeat. Years of believing i was worthless, ugly, unattractive, not good enough etc made me think i didn't deserve to be thin. I'm not entirely sure why it all clicked into place last November but for some reason it did. And now I'm losing weight (7 stone off now and still going) I'm feeling so many emotions. Angry that i let it get so bad in the first place. Proud that im doing it. Scared I'll fail, fall off the wagon and put it all back on. Scared I'll succeed and be left with acres of saggy skin to deal with. Scared it will affect my relationships. Scared that i will succeed but not realise that i've succeeded and switch one eating disorder for an another, swinging from extreme to extreme. Excited that I can walk easily again, that i can wash my own bits without having to stand on my head just to reach. Nearly cried earlier taking a load of clothes to a charity shop because they are clothes I'll never wear again (I'm determined they'll never got again) but those clothes have memories attached and there's a grief attached to parting with them. But its also kind of cathartic. I truly truly hope your sister has the epiphany and decides to make the changes. But she has to decide to change for her. So many times I tried dieting because my sister said, my doctor said, my gym instructor said blah blah blah. None of those diets worked. They'd last a week or three, I'd lose a pound or half a pound a week and get disheartened. When you've got 14+ stones to lose starving yourself for a pound a week weight loss is not worth It! You feel like you're going to be watching every mouthful you eat for the rest of your life and never be able to enjoy food ever again. Finding the right diet, and not being on a diet that has a finite start and finish but a true diet that involves lifestyle changes that are sustainable long term and have the results that are noticeable and feed into a positive motivation cycle is essential and takes time. And for anyone wondering, I've had no support from my doctor. Other than being told "you're overweight" there's been no offer of a dietician or a nurse to advise on diet or for regular weigh ins, or even the suggestion of counselling to get to the bottom of the head side of it all. Even going for a check up for my contraception the other day I basically got a pat on the head and that was it. So for anyone thinking that the nhs will offer support and advice, that isn't my experience. Anyway, feel like I'm waffling now, but hope this gives you an insight into a fat girl's head. And if I can support or help in anyway then please feel free to drop me a line x " This is the first time I have read a long post like this from beginning to end. Hopefully, people will read and understand what you said. Maybe feel compassionate towards people who have weight problems. | |||
