FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > What do i do?

What do i do?

By *ong legs n Lingeire OP Woman over a year ago

it up to me neck. :-)

Had a fab few years on here. Met some amazing people, who I still keep in touch with, and I still want to meet again, But!! Just got involved with a vanilla friend (who came into my life by pure accident). He is older than me (something new to me), has a few personal issues (which I knew about and understand), but it feels so right.

Do I ditch my fab profile, or keep hold?

All comments gratefully appreciated (good or bad).

Thanks for listening. Xxxxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I myself would keep hold of the profile ....maybe just hide it

So you can come back at some point in time

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By *ong legs n Lingeire OP Woman over a year ago

it up to me neck. :-)

"I myself would keep hold of the profile ....maybe just hide it

So you can come back at some point in time

Thanks lovely. Xx

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By *olgateMan over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

Keep your profile and pop in every now and then

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By *ong legs n Lingeire OP Woman over a year ago

it up to me neck. :-)

"Keep your profile and pop in every now and then"

Thank you. I'm thinking that. X

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By *anielpiercedMan over a year ago

by the seaside

Mothball.your profile for a bit just in case you want to come back at some point xx

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By *ong legs n Lingeire OP Woman over a year ago

it up to me neck. :-)

"Mothball.your profile for a bit just in case you want to come back at some point xx

Thanks lovely. Darn this is tough.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I concur....keep the profile.

Does your new fella know about fab/can you see him getting involved in the lifestyle? Xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Had a fab few years on here. Met some amazing people, who I still keep in touch with, and I still want to meet again, But!! Just got involved with a vanilla friend (who came into my life by pure accident). He is older than me (something new to me), has a few personal issues (which I knew about and understand), but it feels so right.

Do I ditch my fab profile, or keep hold?

All comments gratefully appreciated (good or bad).

Thanks for listening. Xxxxx "

It really isn't easy starting again on Fab, if I could roll back the clock I'd of kept my profile hidden and just used the forums x

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By *ong legs n Lingeire OP Woman over a year ago

it up to me neck. :-)

"I concur....keep the profile.

Does your new fella know about fab/can you see him getting involved in the lifestyle? Xx"

He knows about it, but I don't want him involved. I kinda like the me and him thing. Who knows, maybe one day? I'm so confused.

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By *oxy_minxWoman over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

Definitely keep the profile just hide it, until you see how things go, it doesn't make you a pessimist just a realist, life isn't easy

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would want to delete my profile. That way it's gone and not lurking in the background.

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By *ong legs n Lingeire OP Woman over a year ago

it up to me neck. :-)

Do I ditch my fab profile, or keep hold?

All comments gratefully appreciated (good or bad).

Thanks for listening. Xxxxx

It really isn't easy starting again on Fab, if I could roll back the clock I'd of kept my profile hidden and just used the forums x"

Think I may keep my profile, just hide a while. Deleted one profile (for different reasons) and regretted it. X.

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By *ong legs n Lingeire OP Woman over a year ago

it up to me neck. :-)

"Definitely keep the profile just hide it, until you see how things go, it doesn't make you a pessimist just a realist, life isn't easy

Thank you. Xx

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By *xelciscoMan over a year ago

Reading/bracknell

Hi L,

It boils down to.. How mich are you willing to sacrifice to get what you want in life.. ?

Also.. if he found out and walked out.. How would you feel.. ?

What is the truth in your heart... ?

Good luck !

Axel

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By *ong legs n Lingeire OP Woman over a year ago

it up to me neck. :-)

"I would want to delete my profile. That way it's gone and not lurking in the background. "

I totally understand that. It's why I'm so mucked up!! Appreciate your post, thanks. Xx

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By *ong legs n Lingeire OP Woman over a year ago

it up to me neck. :-)

"Hi L,

It boils down to.. How mich are you willing to sacrifice to get what you want in life.. ?

Also.. if he found out and walked out.. How would you feel.. ?

What is the truth in your heart... ?

Good luck !

Axel"

Thanks lovely. I have a lot of thinking to do. Xxx

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By *eliz NelsonMan over a year ago

The Tantric Tea Shop

If he knows about it, then use it to both your advantage, what satisfies you and maybe turns him on, trust is everything. Break that trust and you have no complaints and welcome back to the single life on Fab

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I would want to delete my profile. That way it's gone and not lurking in the background.

I totally understand that. It's why I'm so mucked up!! Appreciate your post, thanks. Xx"

It's how my brain works. I can't have things hanging around that I'm not using. Hope you make the right decision for you. Life can go by very quickly.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not a criticism but I think you have already made your mind up to keep it - and I always say to with your gut instincts

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

As others have said, just hide and have it as back up if things don't work out

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Do I ditch my fab profile, or keep hold?

All comments gratefully appreciated (good or bad).

Thanks for listening. Xxxxx "

Be honest with the new partner, tell them about it, ask them their views. You then need to decide what's right for you. However that said the fab community will always offer you support and advice.

One way to think of it how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If he knows about it, then use it to both your advantage, what satisfies you and maybe turns him on, trust is everything. Break that trust and you have no complaints and welcome back to the single life on Fab

Wouldn't you think it would be better for them to concentrate on their new relationship before involving Fab?

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

If he had a profile on a swinging site would you be happy for him to keep it? I always say never start a relationship with secrets.

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By *eliz NelsonMan over a year ago

The Tantric Tea Shop

Wouldn't you think it would be better for them to concentrate on their new relationship before involving Fab?"

Yes! I do....but the OP said he already knew about fab, if anything 'fab' should be a small part of their life

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I had this dilemma when I met someone last year, deleted my profile in the end and thought well if it doesn't work out with him I can always rejoin it's not as if I'm only allowed to join fab once

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As others have said, just hide and have it as back up if things don't work out

That's a defeatist attitude. Don't think about it failing. You can just as easily sign back up as you can log in again.

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By *ong legs n Lingeire OP Woman over a year ago

it up to me neck. :-)

He knows I've been here but I kinda want to see how it goes just me and him. You are so right, fab is my fall back, and I mean that in the nicest possible way ( it's been my life for the past 4+ years) and I love this place. That's why this is so hard. X. Thanks. X

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By *ong legs n Lingeire OP Woman over a year ago

it up to me neck. :-)

"I would want to delete my profile. That way it's gone and not lurking in the background.

I totally understand that. It's why I'm so mucked up!! Appreciate your post, thanks. Xx

It's how my brain works. I can't have things hanging around that I'm not using. Hope you make the right decision for you. Life can go by very quickly. "

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By *ineMan over a year ago

In cave behind a waterfall on a hill

I would say hide the profile ignore fab for a while and see where it leads but despite all the advice you get here only you can decide what is right for you.

Fab and the forums are a great escape sometimes from daily realities and the forums alone do not necessarily mean that you would act outside what you feel comfortable with.

But there is only ever one real desicion to make ...you know what that is...its always the same...

Follow your

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By *inky-MinxWoman over a year ago

Grantham

"As others have said, just hide and have it as back up if things don't work out

That's a defeatist attitude. Don't think about it failing. You can just as easily sign back up as you can log in again."

I can't help it, I know men

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By *ong legs n Lingeire OP Woman over a year ago

it up to me neck. :-)

"Not a criticism but I think you have already made your mind up to keep it - and I always say to with your gut instincts

Not really, hence my post. Very confused.

Always said, after being single for over 8 years I would not get involved again, just have fun, that's why I love fab. But this guy has just gripped me, never expected it, but it's nice. Don't want my independence (fab life) taken from me, but don't want fab to get in the way. Xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As others have said, just hide and have it as back up if things don't work out

That's a defeatist attitude. Don't think about it failing. You can just as easily sign back up as you can log in again.

I can't help it, I know men

I like to think they can't all be like that, but I'm divorced, so what do I know

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By *ong legs n Lingeire OP Woman over a year ago

it up to me neck. :-)

"As others have said, just hide and have it as back up if things don't work out

Thank you. Xx

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By *ong legs n Lingeire OP Woman over a year ago

it up to me neck. :-)

Do I ditch my fab profile, or keep hold?

All comments gratefully appreciated (good or bad).

Thanks for listening. Xxxxx

Be honest with the new partner, tell them about it, ask them their views. You then need to decide what's right for you. However that said the fab community will always offer you support and advice.

One way to think of it how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?"

I have been honest to a certain degree, told him about my fab life. Just not told him I'd ditch fab for him ( too soon for a blog statement Like that).

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By *ong legs n Lingeire OP Woman over a year ago

it up to me neck. :-)

"If he had a profile on a swinging site would you be happy for him to keep it? I always say never start a relationship with secrets."

I would be perfectly happy for him to keep it and I'm sure he would me. My dilemma is. I never wanted commitment, but since meeting him I feel differently. Should I keep fab as a back up if things go tits up. Selfish I know!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Not a criticism but I think you have already made your mind up to keep it - and I always say to with your gut instincts

Not really, hence my post. Very confused.

Then hide your profile and ignore it until you know where the relationship is going. If at Xmas it's just getting better and better then consider deleting for the new year!!

You can always rejoin ...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Do I ditch my fab profile, or keep hold?

All comments gratefully appreciated (good or bad).

Thanks for listening. Xxxxx

Be honest with the new partner, tell them about it, ask them their views. You then need to decide what's right for you. However that said the fab community will always offer you support and advice.

One way to think of it how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?

I have been honest to a certain degree, told him about my fab life. Just not told him I'd ditch fab for him ( too soon for a blog statement Like that). "

You never know, he might want to join you here.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"If he had a profile on a swinging site would you be happy for him to keep it? I always say never start a relationship with secrets.

Why is it selfish to have a back up plan?

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By *ong legs n Lingeire OP Woman over a year ago

it up to me neck. :-)

"Not a criticism but I think you have already made your mind up to keep it - and I always say to with your gut instincts

Not really, hence my post. Very confused.

Then hide your profile and ignore it until you know where the relationship is going. If at Xmas it's just getting better and better then consider deleting for the new year!!

You can always rejoin ...

Thank you. Xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Not a criticism but I think you have already made your mind up to keep it - and I always say to with your gut instincts

Not really, hence my post. Very confused.

Then hide your profile and ignore it until you know where the relationship is going. If at Xmas it's just getting better and better then consider deleting for the new year!!

You can always rejoin ...

Thank you. Xx"

Hope it all works out for you xx

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By *uxom redCouple over a year ago

Shrewsbury

Do I ditch my fab profile, or keep hold?

All comments gratefully appreciated (good or bad).

Thanks for listening. Xxxxx "

Hide your profile and see how things go.

Hope all goes well for you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I would say hide the profile ignore fab for a while and see where it leads but despite all the advice you get here only you can decide what is right for you.

Fab and the forums are a great escape sometimes from daily realities and the forums alone do not necessarily mean that you would act outside what you feel comfortable with.

But there is only ever one real desicion to make ...you know what that is...its always the same...

Follow your

Got some good advice in that man cave of yours!

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By *ong legs n Lingeire OP Woman over a year ago

it up to me neck. :-)

I just knew when I posted this topic I would get some honest answers here.

Thank you all for your posts, as always.

You are an amazing bunch of people, with very mixed opinions (beauty of this place)

Just had a call of said male who is causing this dilemma, so going to sleep on his call, read all your fabulous replied in the morning and think long and hard about where I want to go with this.

Love you all. Na night. X.

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By *imiUKMan over a year ago

Hereford

I hide it and hope.

Hope yours goes better than mine.

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By *elloIntrigueMan over a year ago

North West UK

Firstly congratulations OP! I really hope everything goes well x

As others have said maybe hide the profile pop in and still use the forums etc and see how it all goes.

Here am I keeping fingers crossed (last of the old romantics me!)

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By *oddyWoman over a year ago

between havant and chichester

just hide profile then you can pop back now and again to let us know how you are lovely lady xxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'd ditch Fab like a hot stone for the right man.

As Fergal Sharkey once sang..."A good heart these days is hard to find"

Even rarer if someone gives it to you.

If it goes tits up you can always rejoin.

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By *ire_bladeMan over a year ago

Manchester

What ever you decide I wish you happy. good luck sweet I'll miss you xxx

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By *uicy72Woman over a year ago

North Colchester

Do I ditch my fab profile, or keep hold?

All comments gratefully appreciated (good or bad).

Thanks for listening. Xxxxx "

Defo keep

The profile until you know or feel 100% that you don't need it !

Pop in and out to check mail

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Good luck OP..Dont delete,keep it on ice

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By *rightonCheekyMan over a year ago

Brighton

Hi OP

Obviously you've had some great advice and I wish you well in your new relationship. I just wanted to add something which may help:

I've come to feel there are three main types of single on Fab

1. I'm here for NSA and I don't do relationships full stop.

2. I'm here until I meet "the one" and then I'm off Fab into monogamous bliss, I ain't sharing.

3. I'm a swinger by nature and if along the way I find my ideal partner look out for our new couples profile.

Of course these are very broad brush and we evolve as people never truly knowing what is around the corner.

But if you identify yourself into one of the three broad categories I described it may help declutter your thoughts on how to proceed x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

if you decide to keep the profile before you hide it change your profile text/headline to something like

"not meeting anyome just here for forums"

and remove any intimate/sexual pics

as if it ever comes to light in future like you accidently leave yourself logged in on the laptop.

that way at least he sees that not some outdated profile and thinks youve been cheating for months

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Do I ditch my fab profile, or keep hold?

All comments gratefully appreciated (good or bad).

Thanks for listening. Xxxxx "

I met someone via fabs - they were the committed swinger, multiple veri's, parties, organiser, etc.

I was new to fabs, totally fabs virgin and vanilla. Decided fabs wasn't for me, so I went unlos. She said she felt the same and supposedly did the same. Several weeks in, she was "working" at a property (big country house) and had some ex fab mates staying with her on the weekend (nope penny didn't drop) then going on "holiday with girls" turns out to be all from fabs - swingers resort, which she didn't disclose, until I found out. She claimed nothing happened. Gave her benefit of doubt. We dated for 2 years, and in all that time, yes I thought a lot of her, I initially trusted her, but she was simply one dimensional and way too sneaky and sly. She never stopped swinging.

The point being this. If you want a real relationship, then being a swinger and having a real relationship (with someone who doesn't care for that world) hiding the two, you're fooling yourself, and your partner.

Be in completely or be out completely.

Don't mix the two. Be honest. Because "hedging your bets" is just another way of being childish and playing games.

Grow up and have a real relationship if that's what you want. If not, carry on and enjoy the world you've created.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd ditch Fab like a hot stone for the right man.

As Fergal Sharkey once sang..."A good heart these days is hard to find"

Even rarer if someone gives it to you.

If it goes tits up you can always rejoin."

This is how I'd see it too. If he knows about Fab anyway, you could ask him what he thinks.

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By *iss.HoneyWoman over a year ago

...

"I'd ditch Fab like a hot stone for the right man.

As Fergal Sharkey once sang..."A good heart these days is hard to find"

Even rarer if someone gives it to you.

If it goes tits up you can always rejoin."

Exactly this

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I just knew when I posted this topic I would get some honest answers here.

Thank you all for your posts, as always.

You are an amazing bunch of people, with very mixed opinions (beauty of this place)

Just had a call of said male who is causing this dilemma, so going to sleep on his call, read all your fabulous replied in the morning and think long and hard about where I want to go with this.

Love you all. Na night. X. "

Hi LLnL, grab it with both hands, who knows where that adventure will take you. I'd ditch Fab and If things change I'm sure Fab will still be around. Good Luck! PBx

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"I'd ditch Fab like a hot stone for the right man.

As Fergal Sharkey once sang..."A good heart these days is hard to find"

Even rarer if someone gives it to you.

If it goes tits up you can always rejoin."

This

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Has a few personal issues? Well, clearly he doesn't belong on here. Keep him well away, because people here don't have baggage or issues, they have spotless pasts unfettered by any suggestion of having lived at all.

Mmmm, baggage. I love when somebody hasn't been wrapped in cotton wool for years.

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