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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Father reciprocity is in his confessional box today what would you naughty people like forgiven...."
I can't confess to a father, we need our sister Lisa back. We boycott this confession box  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Many years ago, a neighbour was rebuilding an engine for his car. He had meticulously labelled every last nut and bolt as it was removed.
I thought it would be amusing to throw a handful of extra engine parts into his box.
When he put his engine back together, he was horrified to find a few extras.
Being slow and methodical, he proceeded to spend the next week stripping his engine back down to find out where these spare parts had come from, but never did find anything missing.
In my defence, I did tell him as he started to strip the engine down for a second time, but he wouldn't believe I would do anything like that and continued to take it apart. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Father reciprocity is in his confessional box today what would you naughty people like forgiven...."
Don't believe that crap sorry Protestant  only God can forgive.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Many years ago, a neighbour was rebuilding an engine for his car. He had meticulously labelled every last nut and bolt as it was removed.
I thought it would be amusing to throw a handful of extra engine parts into his
When he put his engine back together, he was horrified to find a few extras.
Being slow and methodical, he proceeded to spend the next week stripping his engine back down to find out where these spare parts had come from, but never did find anything missing.
In my defence, I did tell him as he started to strip the engine down for a second time, but he wouldn't believe I would do anything like that and continued to take it apart."
absolved go in peace! |
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"Many years ago, a neighbour was rebuilding an engine for his car. He had meticulously labelled every last nut and bolt as it was removed.
I thought it would be amusing to throw a handful of extra engine parts into his box.
When he put his engine back together, he was horrified to find a few extras.
Being slow and methodical, he proceeded to spend the next week stripping his engine back down to find out where these spare parts had come from, but never did find anything missing.
In my defence, I did tell him as he started to strip the engine down for a second time, but he wouldn't believe I would do anything like that and continued to take it apart."
haha that's genius  . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I confess that when I first passed my test I slowly drove up my parents driveway.I parked my car behind my dads pride and joy.His fully restored e-type jaguar.I thought my car was in neutral and I lifted my foot off the clutch and my car jumped forward and smashed into the back of my dads car.He came running out and I said there was something wrong with my car and that it slipped into gear.
After a lot of sorrys and lies about how my car malfunctioned I sort of got away with it x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I confess that when I first passed my test I slowly drove up my parents driveway.I parked my car behind my dads pride and joy.His fully restored e-type jaguar.I thought my car was in neutral and I lifted my foot off the clutch and my car jumped forward and smashed into the back of my dads car.He came running out and I said there was something wrong with my car and that it slipped into gear.
After a lot of sorrys and lies about how my car malfunctioned I sort of got away with it x "
see me on the vestry after church.... |
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"Many years ago, a neighbour was rebuilding an engine for his car. He had meticulously labelled every last nut and bolt as it was removed.
I thought it would be amusing to throw a handful of extra engine parts into his box.
When he put his engine back together, he was horrified to find a few extras.
Being slow and methodical, he proceeded to spend the next week stripping his engine back down to find out where these spare parts had come from, but never did find anything missing.
In my defence, I did tell him as he started to strip the engine down for a second time, but he wouldn't believe I would do anything like that and continued to take it apart."
That's a coincidence. When I stripped you I found a few extra parts! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My ex was a jamacian,when i first met him i invited him for dinner,he loved red snappa fish,i got them from a take away,and told him i cooked them,he said it was the best snappa he had ever eaten i heated them in the microwave so the place smelt of fish. |
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"Many years ago, a neighbour was rebuilding an engine for his car. He had meticulously labelled every last nut and bolt as it was removed.
I thought it would be amusing to throw a handful of extra engine parts into his box.
When he put his engine back together, he was horrified to find a few extras.
Being slow and methodical, he proceeded to spend the next week stripping his engine back down to find out where these spare parts had come from, but never did find anything missing.
In my defence, I did tell him as he started to strip the engine down for a second time, but he wouldn't believe I would do anything like that and continued to take it apart."
That is wicked. Love the devil in you though |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My ex was a jamacian,when i first met him i invited him for dinner,he loved red snappa fish,i got them from a take away,and told him i cooked them,he said it was the best snappa he had ever eaten i heated them in the microwave so the place smelt of fish. "
no harm done go with s clear conscience! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I bought a new phone not long ago. I haven't got round to giving everyone my new number yet and now every so often I'll text my brother creepy little messages such as "you look so peaceful when you sleep". He still hasn't figured out it's me |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I bought a new phone not long ago. I haven't got round to giving everyone my new number yet and now every so often I'll text my brother creepy little messages such as "you look so peaceful when you sleep". He still hasn't figured out it's me "
definitely absolved! Take 20 quid from the collection box and buy yourself a pint or 2! |
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Forgive me father for I have sinned, it is xxx years since my last confession and these are my sins:-
At night I dream of fondelling a big black cock which is 10 inches long.
I've made meals for people, dropped meat on the kitchen floor, the dog has licked it and I've put it back on their plates, then asked numerous times while they are eating it if are they enjoying the meal.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Forgive me father for I have sinned, it is xxx years since my last confession and these are my sins:-
At night I dream of fondelling a big black cock which is 10 inches long.
I've made meals for people, dropped meat on the kitchen floor, the dog has licked it and I've put it back on their plates, then asked numerous times while they are eating it if are they enjoying the meal.
"
We won't be coming round for dinner then  |
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By *pider-WomanWoman
over a year ago
Exeter, Bristol, Plymouth, Truro |
Years ago I lived in a flat 2nd floor. I kept marine fish in a 1000litre aquarium. After cleaning the tank I went out for a few hrs down to Cornwall.
My neighbour called me letting me know that we had a problem with a water pipe as his ceiling in his bathroom was now in his bath and all over the bathroom floor.
On my return home I realised I hadn't put the external filter back on to the tank correctly and the tank now only had about 2ins of water at the bottom (fish ok).
Im sorry Tony as I never confessed my sins 
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"My ex was a jamacian,when i first met him i invited him for dinner,he loved red snappa fish,i got them from a take away,and told him i cooked them,he said it was the best snappa he had ever eaten i heated them in the microwave so the place smelt of fish. "
Shaking my head  how could you! |
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"Forgive me father for I have sinned, it is xxx years since my last confession and these are my sins:-
At night I dream of fondelling a big black cock which is 10 inches long.
I've made meals for people, dropped meat on the kitchen floor, the dog has licked it and I've put it back on their plates, then asked numerous times while they are eating it if are they enjoying the meal.
We won't be coming round for dinner then "
That's a shame cutie, I think the dog would like you....as a snack lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I bought a new phone not long ago. I haven't got round to giving everyone my new number yet and now every so often I'll text my brother creepy little messages such as "you look so peaceful when you sleep". He still hasn't figured out it's me definitely absolved! Take 20 quid from the collection box and buy yourself a pint or 2!"
mighty kind of you! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Forgive me father for I have sinned, it is xxx years since my last confession and these are my sins:-
At night I dream of fondelling a big black cock which is 10 inches long.
I've made meals for people, dropped meat on the kitchen floor, the dog has licked it and I've put it back on their plates, then asked numerous times while they are eating it if are they enjoying the meal.
We won't be coming round for dinner then
That's a shame cutie, I think the dog would like you....as a snack lol."
But you can come to mine |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Forgive me father for I have sinned, it is xxx years since my last confession and these are my sins:-
At night I dream of fondelling a big black cock which is 10 inches long.
I've made meals for people, dropped meat on the kitchen floor, the dog has licked it and I've put it back on their plates, then asked numerous times while they are eating it if are they enjoying the meal
"
how long since your last confession?! My my tut tut... As for your impure thoughts and actions walk 3 times round the churchyard flogging yourself with s wilted lettuce... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Years ago I lived in a flat 2nd floor. I kept marine fish in a 1000litre aquarium. After cleaning the tank I went out for a few hrs down to Cornwall.
My neighbour called me letting me know that we had a problem with a water pipe as his ceiling in his bathroom was now in his bath and all over the bathroom floor.
On my return home I realised I hadn't put the external filter back on to the tank correctly and the tank now only had about 2ins of water at the bottom (fish ok).
Im sorry Tony as I never confessed my sins
"
as the fish were still alive your sin is absolved go in peace! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Years ago I lived in a flat 2nd floor. I kept marine fish in a 1000litre aquarium. After cleaning the tank I went out for a few hrs down to Cornwall.
My neighbour called me letting me know that we had a problem with a water pipe as his ceiling in his bathroom was now in his bath and all over the bathroom floor.
On my return home I realised I hadn't put the external filter back on to the tank correctly and the tank now only had about 2ins of water at the bottom (fish ok).
Im sorry Tony as I never confessed my sins
"
as the fish were still alive your sin is absolved go in peace! |
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"Forgive me father for I have sinned, it is xxx years since my last confession and these are my sins:-
At night I dream of fondelling a big black cock which is 10 inches long.
I've made meals for people, dropped meat on the kitchen floor, the dog has licked it and I've put it back on their plates, then asked numerous times while they are eating it if are they enjoying the meal
how long since your last confession?! My my tut tut... As for your impure thoughts and actions walk 3 times round the churchyard flogging yourself with s wilted lettuce..."
Maybe 15 years since my last confession!
Why a wilted lettuce father and why am I not being asked to come to the Vicarage after dark for complete absolution? I'll question every punishment father.... |
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"Forgive me father for I have sinned, it is xxx years since my last confession and these are my sins:-
At night I dream of fondelling a big black cock which is 10 inches long.
I've made meals for people, dropped meat on the kitchen floor, the dog has licked it and I've put it back on their plates, then asked numerous times while they are eating it if are they enjoying the meal.
We won't be coming round for dinner then
That's a shame cutie, I think the dog would like you....as a snack lol.But you can come to mine "
lol you're miles away. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Forgive me father for I have sinned, it is xxx years since my last confession and these are my sins:-
At night I dream of fondelling a big black cock which is 10 inches long.
I've made meals for people, dropped meat on the kitchen floor, the dog has licked it and I've put it back on their plates, then asked numerous times while they are eating it if are they enjoying the meal.
We won't be coming round for dinner then
That's a shame cutie, I think the dog would like you....as a snack lol.But you can come to mine
lol you're miles away. "
So I am ha. Send me a message. I can't send one to you. Have a chat if you like |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Forgive me father for I have sinned, it is xxx years since my last confession and these are my sins:-
At night I dream of fondelling a big black cock which is 10 inches long.
I've made meals for people, dropped meat on the kitchen floor, the dog has licked it and I've put it back on their plates, then asked numerous times while they are eating it if are they enjoying the meal
how long since your last confession?! My my tut tut... As for your impure thoughts and actions walk 3 times round the churchyard flogging yourself with s wilted lettuce...
Maybe 15 years since my last confession!
Why a wilted lettuce father and why am I not being asked to come to the Vicarage after dark for complete absolution? I'll question every punishment father...."
very well my child come to the vestry after evensong I shall be waiting there with my good friend father up! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I haven't kept up the repayments on my exorcism, Father - does that mean my house is going to be "re-possessed"? "
I'm afraid so my child perhaps I should come to the house and spray you with my "holy water" |
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