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Help!.....Im out of toilet paper!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok its past midnight, i am desperate for a no2 and i am out of toilet paper. Need help or suggestions quick!!  "
you want me to nip round and lick it clean?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok its past midnight, i am desperate for a no2 and i am out of toilet paper. Need help or suggestions quick!! "
What's worse is going before you realise that you're out of paper! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Ok its past midnight, i am desperate for a no2 and i am out of toilet paper. Need help or suggestions quick!!
What's worse is going before you realise that you're out of paper!"
Where do you think i am sat!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok its past midnight, i am desperate for a no2 and i am out of toilet paper. Need help or suggestions quick!!
you want me to nip round and lick it clean?   "
You're pretty f**ked then aren't ya!
Use your hands then wash them! lol  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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kitchen roll.... got none sadly
tissues..........Errr stuck together from earlier
baby wipes.......Come on i am a man and have none of them
curtains......A bit ruff they are vertical blinds!
underwear......These have to last till Wednesday!
dock leaf....my yard is flagged!
your hand.....its a possibility but if i type afterwards...... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Ok its past midnight, i am desperate for a no2 and i am out of toilet paper. Need help or suggestions quick!!
you want me to nip round and lick it clean?
You're pretty f**ked then aren't ya!
Use your hands then wash them! lol "
Im in the shit big time |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Ok its past midnight, i am desperate for a no2 and i am out of toilet paper. Need help or suggestions quick!!
you want me to nip round and lick it clean? "
I would prefer you to suck my willy dry |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If you hadnt thrown your boomerang you could have used that!
How do you 2 think i could wipe my bum with a boomerang? Its solid wood! A scraping action would suffice "
Bloody glad i have lost it now that makes me wince! |
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"If you hadnt thrown your boomerang you could have used that!
How do you 2 think i could wipe my bum with a boomerang? Its solid wood! A scraping action would suffice
Bloody glad i have lost it now that makes me wince! "
I have a spatula for my hair removal cream that looks like a boomerang, want me to fed ex it over? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The best thing my son found to wipe his shitty nappy on was anaglipto wallpaper. Unfortunatly it was still attatched to the wall at the time  "
Thanks for that image! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"If you hadnt thrown your boomerang you could have used that!
How do you 2 think i could wipe my bum with a boomerang? Its solid wood! A scraping action would suffice
Bloody glad i have lost it now that makes me wince! I have a spatula for my hair removal cream that looks like a boomerang, want me to fed ex it over? "
I won't use hair removal cream again. I used that 'nads' stuff and got scrotum burn.
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The best thing my son found to wipe his shitty nappy on was anaglipto wallpaper. Unfortunatly it was still attatched to the wall at the time "
Wish i had wallpaper right now. Preferably that flock stuff. |
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You can use a bus ticket or a till reciept. Fold in half lengthways then again the other way.
Tear off the folded corner and keep the piece in the corner of your mouth (This is important for later).
Open out the ticket, it now has a hole in the middle, put your biggest finger through the hole and use this to clean away any sh1t into the bog.
Now use the surrounding ticket to clean your finger of any mess.
The corner you have in your mouth is good for cleaning out your fingernail.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You can use a bus ticket or a till reciept. Fold in half lengthways then again the other way.
Tear off the folded corner and keep the piece in the corner of your mouth (This is important for later).
Open out the ticket, it now has a hole in the middle, put your biggest finger through the hole and use this to clean away any sh1t into the bog.
Now use the surrounding ticket to clean your finger of any mess.
The corner you have in your mouth is good for cleaning out your fingernail.
"
It tore in half trying to do the corner thing. I might ring 999 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sorted then summat to read as well! "
I got the idea from ipoo
iPoo
iPhone - £0.69
(iPoo is a social network that brings together toilet dwellers from around the world. The app lets you chat to your fellow defecators from the comfort of your own toilet and even earn badges for your exploits. It also lets you browse real time stats and even track the location of fellow pooers via GPS. Just be thankful Apple insisted the developer disable the photo function before they made it to the App Store.)
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"If you hadnt thrown your boomerang you could have used that!
How do you 2 think i could wipe my bum with a boomerang? Its solid wood! A scraping action would suffice
Bloody glad i have lost it now that makes me wince! I have a spatula for my hair removal cream that looks like a boomerang, want me to fed ex it over?
I won't use hair removal cream again. I used that 'nads' stuff and got scrotum burn.
What about going on "meet today" gotta be some scat fans still up  "
I am shocked by this i thought you were a lady and wouldn't know what such things were PMSL |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You can use a bus ticket or a till reciept. Fold in half lengthways then again the other way.
Tear off the folded corner and keep the piece in the corner of your mouth (This is important for later).
Open out the ticket, it now has a hole in the middle, put your biggest finger through the hole and use this to clean away any sh1t into the bog.
Now use the surrounding ticket to clean your finger of any mess.
The corner you have in your mouth is good for cleaning out your fingernail.
"
That's very Blue Peter-esque!
It's quite worrying that you a) know how to do that, and b) have perfected the operation. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"If you hadnt thrown your boomerang you could have used that!
How do you 2 think i could wipe my bum with a boomerang? Its solid wood! A scraping action would suffice
Bloody glad i have lost it now that makes me wince! I have a spatula for my hair removal cream that looks like a boomerang, want me to fed ex it over?
I won't use hair removal cream again. I used that 'nads' stuff and got scrotum burn.
What about going on "meet today" gotta be some scat fans still up
I am shocked by this i thought you were a lady and wouldn't know what such things were PMSL"
I did conciser it but was scared i might get a weirdo wanting come over |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You can use a bus ticket or a till reciept. Fold in half lengthways then again the other way.
Tear off the folded corner and keep the piece in the corner of your mouth (This is important for later).
Open out the ticket, it now has a hole in the middle, put your biggest finger through the hole and use this to clean away any sh1t into the bog.
Now use the surrounding ticket to clean your finger of any mess.
The corner you have in your mouth is good for cleaning out your fingernail.
That's very Blue Peter-esque!
It's quite worrying that you a) know how to do that, and b) have perfected the operation. "
Sven is ops sorry bobby is a clever bloke you know and knows lots of stuff |
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"You can use a bus ticket or a till reciept. Fold in half lengthways then again the other way.
Tear off the folded corner and keep the piece in the corner of your mouth (This is important for later).
Open out the ticket, it now has a hole in the middle, put your biggest finger through the hole and use this to clean away any sh1t into the bog.
Now use the surrounding ticket to clean your finger of any mess.
The corner you have in your mouth is good for cleaning out your fingernail.
That's very Blue Peter-esque!
It's quite worrying that you a) know how to do that, and b) have perfected the operation.
Sven is ops sorry bobby is a clever bloke you know and knows lots of stuff "
Don't go letting the Kat out of the bag Mr Eck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok its past midnight, i am desperate for a no2 and i am out of toilet paper. Need help or suggestions quick!! "
Just been thinking and why didn't you peal the cardboard tube that was left when you ran out of paper and use that? |
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By *umourCouple
over a year ago
Rushden |
Of course, it'll be solid now so you can chip away at it with the toilet roll holder center, you know the plastic bit that the roll hangs on...
I forsee a problem with that, bet you got it on a piece of string? Same thing but one hand at the back, one at the front both holding (different) ends of said string and use a sawing motion to clear your.. errr.. Motion! |
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