FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Would you tell the husband/wife......cheat?
Would you tell the husband/wife......cheat?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Right folks.
I am after your opinions.
If you knew that someone was cheating, done so several times without the knowledge or permission of husband/wife.
Then told said husband/wife, promised to stop and "make a go of marriage" and less than 2/3 weeks later does it again.
Would you let the partner know?
Before you all have a go.....this has NOTHING to do with previous posts so please do not critisise me or get all judgemental.
Thank you.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No I wouldnt, as you dont know all the circumstances, maibe they are in a sexless marriage."
Then they should leave or not make promises that they can't keep. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Only if it was a close friend or close family member because i wouldn't want to see them being taken advantage of and hurt.
But to tell someone that I don't know personally that that their partner is cheating is, in my opinion, vindictive and nasty, and i wouldn't do that.
It's their marriage, they would need to sort it out, one way or another. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Damed if you do Damed if you dont, if you say nothing and she finds out and finds out that you knew, she's not going to thank you for letting her carry on in ignorance.
But if you tell her, it's going to hurt.
Not much you can do to stop her being hurt is there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No I wouldnt, as you dont know all the circumstances, maibe they are in a sexless marriage.
Then they should leave or not make promises that they can't keep."
That is right, maibe they are just together for the kids if they got it or maibe some value in the house that they might not get if divorced. |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
•+• Access Denied •+• |
"No I wouldnt, as you dont know all the circumstances, maibe they are in a sexless marriage.
Then they should leave or not make promises that they can't keep.That is right, maibe they are just together for the kids if they got it or maibe some value in the house that they might not get if divorced. "
whatever his excuses for not leaving i'd say it's pretty obvious he doesn't want to go anywhere else for commitment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No I wouldnt, as you dont know all the circumstances, maibe they are in a sexless marriage.
Then they should leave or not make promises that they can't keep.That is right, maibe they are just together for the kids if they got it or maibe some value in the house that they might not get if divorced.
whatever his excuses for not leaving i'd say it's pretty obvious he doesn't want to go anywhere else for commitment."
That is right too, we didnt now if it was a he or a she there. |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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"No I wouldnt, as you dont know all the circumstances, maibe they are in a sexless marriage.
Then they should leave or not make promises that they can't keep.That is right, maibe they are just together for the kids if they got it or maibe some value in the house that they might not get if divorced.
whatever his excuses for not leaving i'd say it's pretty obvious he doesn't want to go anywhere else for commitment.
That is right too, we didnt now if it was a he or a she there."
sorry i was sexist here and always think cheats are men.  yes it could be a woman also. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No I wouldnt, as you dont know all the circumstances, maibe they are in a sexless marriage.
Then they should leave or not make promises that they can't keep.That is right, maibe they are just together for the kids if they got it or maibe some value in the house that they might not get if divorced.
whatever his excuses for not leaving i'd say it's pretty obvious he doesn't want to go anywhere else for commitment.
That is right too, we didnt now if it was a he or a she there.
sorry i was sexist here and always think cheats are men. yes it could be a woman also."
That is good and yes, it is rather a complicated issue. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No I wouldn't, unless possibly a very close friend, we have all been through shit in our lives and it's difficult to understand other people's situations from a distance and so many times you see people to things for the right motives but with very unexpected consequences, all things work out right in the end  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends who it is that is being cheated on, whether its just an acquaintance or my best friend etc...but most likely no I would stay out of it it. Truth will come to light at some point anyhow.
Doll x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If it was my very close friend or a very close family member then yes. But anyone else no. It's not my business and personally it won't affect me. Where as a very close friend or family member it woukd affect me. I say turn a blind eye to you if it doesn't concern or affect you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If the cheated on person was a close friend I'd make sure they found out. Otherwise I'd have no way of knowing what was really going on.
They might be happy as they are. If he's not leaving then they must be happy and he just wants a fuck on the side. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well as someone who was cheated on and many of my friends knew I can honestly say no don't say anything. I wouldn't have thanked anyone for saying something. It's one of those things you have to find out yourself and deal with it. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you for your responses and advice folks! I am still none the wiser or closer to a decision lol! "
A decision about what?
If this is about your situation you have to know that he's chosen his wife over you. He is with her and whatever their situation is they are ok with it. She knows he cheated before, she will know the signs again. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Thank you for your responses and advice folks! I am still none the wiser or closer to a decision lol!
A decision about what?
If this is about your situation you have to know that he's chosen his wife over you. He is with her and whatever their situation is they are ok with it. She knows he cheated before, she will know the signs again. "
A decision about whether to tell the person or not. |
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
No don't tell them because their relationship is none of your business, unless it's a family member or very close friend.
If it is your business because you're the one the married person is cheating with then I believe you'd be doing it for selfish reasons. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you for your responses and advice folks! I am still none the wiser or closer to a decision lol!
A decision about what?
If this is about your situation you have to know that he's chosen his wife over you. He is with her and whatever their situation is they are ok with it. She knows he cheated before, she will know the signs again.
A decision about whether to tell the person or not."
If you tell her you will lose him. |
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By *quirrelMan
over a year ago
East Manchester |
Keep out of it. In a situation like this ignorance really is bliss. Because if you spoil the relationship by revealing the infidelity of either party you've become the one who broke them up. It's a case of the messenger is blamed for the bad news.
It doesn't matter if you're friends or not, be there to help them move on after things fall apart, but don't be the one who was the cause of it. |
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Did it once got a close friend years ago we've not spoken since even when I was vindicated and she realised I was telling the truth as it all came out she wasn't interested in being friends anymore so I swore never again. I let it come out via more natural means as it always does eventually then just be ther to help pick up the pieces |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Only if it was a close friend or close family member because i wouldn't want to see them being taken advantage of and hurt.
But to tell someone that I don't know personally that that their partner is cheating is, in my opinion, vindictive and nasty, and i wouldn't do that.
It's their marriage, they would need to sort it out, one way or another."
^^ Absolutely this  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Right folks.
I am after your opinions.
If you knew that someone was cheating, done so several times without the knowledge or permission of husband/wife.
Then told said husband/wife, promised to stop and "make a go of marriage" and less than 2/3 weeks later does it again.
Would you let the partner know?
Before you all have a go.....this has NOTHING to do with previous posts so please do not critisise me or get all judgemental.
Thank you.
"
No definitely not |
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"Thank you for your responses and advice folks! I am still none the wiser or closer to a decision lol!
A decision about what?
If this is about your situation you have to know that he's chosen his wife over you. He is with her and whatever their situation is they are ok with it. She knows he cheated before, she will know the signs again.
A decision about whether to tell the person or not.
If you tell her you will lose him. "
Good god we're not talking about the cheating guy you're seeing are we,because that's pretty damn low to say the least  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Depends how well I knew the person."
this for me... I would hope my friends would tell me if I was ever being cheated on. As worst thing I found in the past was finding out loads of "friends" knew and some had even been involved... and no one had the decency to tell me. I Found that as much a betrayal as the cheating
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
"Only if it was a close friend or close family member because i wouldn't want to see them being taken advantage of and hurt.
But to tell someone that I don't know personally that that their partner is cheating is, in my opinion, vindictive and nasty, and i wouldn't do that.
It's their marriage, they would need to sort it out, one way or another."
Agree with this, would tell close friend or family as I would like to think they would tell me. |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
"No I wouldnt, as you dont know all the circumstances, maibe they are in a sexless marriage.
Then they should leave or not make promises that they can't keep."
There may be reasons why they can't/won't leave, children, finances...it's not always that straightforward. |
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"Depends how well I knew the person. this for me... I would hope my friends would tell me if I was ever being cheated on. As worst thing I found in the past was finding out loads of "friends" knew and some had even been involved... and no one had the decency to tell me. I Found that as much a betrayal as the cheating"
I can imagine that sound's awful  |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
"Depends how well I knew the person. this for me... I would hope my friends would tell me if I was ever being cheated on. As worst thing I found in the past was finding out loads of "friends" knew and some had even been involved... and no one had the decency to tell me. I Found that as much a betrayal as the cheating"
I would find this too.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If i had been shagging an attached guy I wouldn't tell the other half, it makes you look bitter and will make the guy hate you cos he'll blame it all on you.
If I knew my best friend was being cheated on I'd tell her and then go and give him and the other woman a hiding with my mate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you're doing it out of revenge or to hurt him I will say no. You may get something out of being vengeful or spiteful, so you will ignore what I have said.
If you're concerned about the wife, because she is a good friend, you may be congratulated for helping her out, or you could become her enemy.
If you were a good friend you would have told her the first time he cheated, if you knew.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If i had been shagging an attached guy I wouldn't tell the other half, it makes you look bitter and will make the guy hate you cos he'll blame it all on you.
If I knew my best friend was being cheated on I'd tell her and then go and give him and the other woman a hiding with my mate. "
Even though 'the other woman' might be blissfully unaware of his relationship status ?
Or are you saying that women who shag a married man more than once would know he was married ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If i had been shagging an attached guy I wouldn't tell the other half, it makes you look bitter and will make the guy hate you cos he'll blame it all on you.
If I knew my best friend was being cheated on I'd tell her and then go and give him and the other woman a hiding with my mate.
Even though 'the other woman' might be blissfully unaware of his relationship status ?
Or are you saying that women who shag a married man more than once would know he was married ?"
I don't know what you are getting at here.....??
Does it make any difference? And who said this is a MAN we are taking about btw? |
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"Thank you for your responses and advice folks! I am still none the wiser or closer to a decision lol!
A decision about what?
If this is about your situation you have to know that he's chosen his wife over you. He is with her and whatever their situation is they are ok with it. She knows he cheated before, she will know the signs again.
A decision about whether to tell the person or not."
Really  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP, for someone who has knowingly seen a married man I'm very surprised you'd want to get involved with someone else's marriage unless this scenario does actually involve you and if it does it really does sound like sour grapes to me. |
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No. If I really felt I needed to interfere in another couples relationship I would talk to the person doing the cheating. In general unless physical or mental abuse is taking place I would stay well out of it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If i had been shagging an attached guy I wouldn't tell the other half, it makes you look bitter and will make the guy hate you cos he'll blame it all on you.
If I knew my best friend was being cheated on I'd tell her and then go and give him and the other woman a hiding with my mate.
Even though 'the other woman' might be blissfully unaware of his relationship status ?
Or are you saying that women who shag a married man more than once would know he was married ?"
Would know from the other woman's reaction if she knew the guy was attached or not.
I think it's a risky business shagging other people's boyfriends, just imagine that boyfriend or husband could have a wife or girlfriend like me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No. Why would you? It's between them. I'm sure she'll find out eventually. Chances are, even if she did find out. She's forgiven him once, she may forgive him again.
Ignore all if that if the woman is someone you care deeply about. If it's a female you don't know, however, I would suggest looking at your motivation for wanting to tell. If there's an ulterior motive, it's just spiteful. Even more so if they have children ( not saying they do). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Had this happen previously when I physically saw someone I know cheating on their long time partner in a night club. I just told them not to do anything they might regret and we never spoke of it again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Only if it was a close friend or close family member because i wouldn't want to see them being taken advantage of and hurt.
But to tell someone that I don't know personally that that their partner is cheating is, in my opinion, vindictive and nasty, and i wouldn't do that.
It's their marriage, they would need to sort it out, one way or another.
^^ Absolutely this "
I agree , unless the one being cheated on is family or best mate stay well out of it, it's not your business. If it's someone you don't/ hardly know I'd be seriously questioning your motives. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are u wanting to tell us married lovers wife so they will split and u can have him yourself?  "
He will hate you if you tell his wife. They will either split and he carries on sleeping around or his wife will forgive him again cos of the kids and/or his promises to change.
Did he cheat on his wife again with someone else but you recently? If so he really is a piece of shit, sorry to say. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Iv just told my best mate that his bitch is in here and I took photo shots of verifications and I showed him it all,he was and is devastated but he's glad he's got the truth after thinking it for last year,the nail in the coffin will be when I arrange to meet her in person for a social but he will be in the background waiting for her as well as me,,,personally if it was my family or close friend I probably wouldn't of given a shit what they do,,hope this helps x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Iv just told my best mate that his bitch is in here and I took photo shots of verifications and I showed him it all,he was and is devastated but he's glad he's got the truth after thinking it for last year,the nail in the coffin will be when I arrange to meet her in person for a social but he will be in the background waiting for her as well as me,,,personally if it was my family or close friend I probably wouldn't of given a shit what they do,,hope this helps x "
Given all the choices of all the men this 'bitch' as you call her  has. I do wonder why you think she'd be up to meeting you, personally. Not the best place to be slagging off women, regardless of whether she is your mates g/f or not. I hope you don't plan on meeting attached or married women, because that will be obviously how you see them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Saw my best mates wife out with another man, told her to tell him or I would, she told my mate I had been hitting on her for months and we fell out big style after he believed her over me ......year later he caught her fucking in thier bed with two guys.....apologies don't work that well after so much shit |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Older and wiser now. Honesty is a good trait and would hope a friend would respect that.
Still there for all my mates, male and female who have been through the thick and thin. |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"Saw my best mates wife out with another man, told her to tell him or I would, she told my mate I had been hitting on her for months and we fell out big style after he believed her over me ......year later he caught her fucking in thier bed with two guys.....apologies don't work that well after so much shit "
If ever there was argument for not saying anything i believe this is it. Hope you eventually sorted it bud. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I was being cheated on I would hate to be told by a so called friend.
They are forcing you to react in some way.
Nobody tells because they feel sorry for their friend, they all tell because they're hoping it leads to fireworks in their relationship and gossip that they can talk about down the pub on a Friday night. |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"If I was being cheated on I would hate to be told by a so called friend.
They are forcing you to react in some way.
Nobody tells because they feel sorry for their friend, they all tell because they're hoping it leads to fireworks in their relationship and gossip that they can talk about down the pub on a Friday night."
I feel your right. I would feel really bad for not letting a mate know and hope it either stopped or they found out some other way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Iv just told my best mate that his bitch is in here and I took photo shots of verifications and I showed him it all,he was and is devastated but he's glad he's got the truth after thinking it for last year,the nail in the coffin will be when I arrange to meet her in person for a social but he will be in the background waiting for her as well as me,,,personally if it was my family or close friend I probably wouldn't of given a shit what they do,,hope this helps x "
Try not to be so proud of what you have done and are about to do. And bitches will remember your username as one to avoid. |
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"Iv just told my best mate that his bitch is in here and I took photo shots of verifications and I showed him it all,he was and is devastated but he's glad he's got the truth after thinking it for last year,the nail in the coffin will be when I arrange to meet her in person for a social but he will be in the background waiting for her as well as me,,,personally if it was my family or close friend I probably wouldn't of given a shit what they do,,hope this helps x "
and you will be there for what reason exactly? |
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By *lceeWoman
over a year ago
Leeds |
WHAT?! Hell no! Not your place, you know to be aware of the signs and be there for them when they do find out but you have zero right to take your feet and get in their business. It's their relationship and for them to deal with.
If some person, even my closest, bosom friend were to take it on themselves to tell me that my other half was cheating, I'd be furious with them for poking their nose in.
The deception that comes with cheating is a bugger to bear, and they'll most likely need a friend when they find out again, which they of course will. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I was being cheated on I would hate to be told by a so called friend.
They are forcing you to react in some way.
Nobody tells because they feel sorry for their friend, they all tell because they're hoping it leads to fireworks in their relationship and gossip that they can talk about down the pub on a Friday night."
I think that's slightly unfair . I would only tell if it was a close friend and I'd be telling them because I care for them and don't want to see them being made a fool of |
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"If I was being cheated on I would hate to be told by a so called friend.
They are forcing you to react in some way.
Nobody tells because they feel sorry for their friend, they all tell because they're hoping it leads to fireworks in their relationship and gossip that they can talk about down the pub on a Friday night."
This!!!
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"WHAT?! Hell no! Not your place, you know to be aware of the signs and be there for them when they do find out but you have zero right to take your feet and get in their business. It's their relationship and for them to deal with.
If some person, even my closest, bosom friend were to take it on themselves to tell me that my other half was cheating, I'd be furious with them for poking their nose in.
The deception that comes with cheating is a bugger to bear, and they'll most likely need a friend when they find out again, which they of course will. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No I wouldn't tell anyone if their partner/BF/ect was cheating. It's usually wise to keep out of out. Sometimes the other party already knows/suspects and are hoping it will blow over.The only time I would poke my nose into a relationship would be if violence or abuse was occurring. Otherwise best keep out, it can blow up in your face. X |
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Its not for you to interfere with their relationship. It sounds very much like your involved in this mess and angry with him and see this as a way of either revenge or as a way of forcing him towards you.Either way id stay out of it.There is nothing to be gained out of it except you wanting to feel better from it and if that's the only reason then you need to stop.
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"Its not for you to interfere with their relationship. It sounds very much like your involved in this mess and angry with him and see this as a way of either revenge or as a way of forcing him towards you.Either way id stay out of it.There is nothing to be gained out of it except you wanting to feel better from it and if that's the only reason then you need to stop.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It depends on the people really. I once had to tell my friend her partner was cheating on her. It was horrible to watch her go through that but at the same time I knew I couldn't keep it from her. We obviously talk about relationships and i knew she was more commuted than him.
If it was someone I wasn't close to Im not sure I would get involved. I wouldnt know the ins and outs of their relationship or how it would affect things. |
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"Iv just told my best mate that his bitch is in here and I took photo shots of verifications and I showed him it all,he was and is devastated but he's glad he's got the truth after thinking it for last year,the nail in the coffin will be when I arrange to meet her in person for a social but he will be in the background waiting for her as well as me,,,personally if it was my family or close friend I probably wouldn't of given a shit what they do,,hope this helps x "
Why do you feel you need to be there. It's going to be hard enough for the poor man without you being there to witness his pain. I suggest you allow the two of them to sort it out alone. I'm sure you wouldn't want your friend humiliated further and have done this with the best of intentions. |
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By *quirrelMan
over a year ago
East Manchester |
Every reply on this thread has shown that they are prepared to interfere and get involved in another person's life. Is that because they think they can help by showing them that they're stupid and unable to chose the right person to have a relationship with? Or is it because they can't stop themselves from telling others how to live their lives, because before I stick my nose into another person's business I ask myself why I'm doing it. If a friend or relative has a good relationship with someone despite one of them being unfaithful, am I going to make them more or less happy by telling them about it?
I have helped pick up the pieces of several people's failed relationships and its never been easy to do, especially if you were the one who created the problem by interfering in something that I should have kept out of.
I know of 3 marriages where one or both partners were unfaithful, but they carried on as though nothing had happened and one of them celebrated their 25th anniversary last year. If I'd interfered the marriage would have been over 15 years ago.
Before you act, ask yourself one question, if I interfere, is the reason why I'm doing it for me, or for them? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can totally understand why people shouldn't get involved and possibly split up a marriage/relationship. That being said though, my last relationship, he was cheating on me for me years. I never knew a thing until after we had split. But, I wish if any of my friends had known they would of told me. I don't think any of them did know. However, if they had, I wish someone would of told me. I would of been heart broken but I would of rather had known the truth than being made a fool out of for years. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Every reply on this thread has shown that they are prepared to interfere and get involved in another person's life. Is that because they think they can help by showing them that they're stupid and unable to chose the right person to have a relationship with? Or is it because they can't stop themselves from telling others how to live their lives, because before I stick my nose into another person's business I ask myself why I'm doing it. If a friend or relative has a good relationship with someone despite one of them being unfaithful, am I going to make them more or less happy by telling them about it?
I have helped pick up the pieces of several people's failed relationships and its never been easy to do, especially if you were the one who created the problem by interfering in something that I should have kept out of.
I know of 3 marriages where one or both partners were unfaithful, but they carried on as though nothing had happened and one of them celebrated their 25th anniversary last year. If I'd interfered the marriage would have been over 15 years ago.
Before you act, ask yourself one question, if I interfere, is the reason why I'm doing it for me, or for them? "
Have you actually read the thread as lots have said they wouldn't say a thing |
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By *Devil77Man
over a year ago
West Midlands |
"Right folks.
I am after your opinions.
If you knew that someone was cheating, done so several times without the knowledge or permission of husband/wife.
Then told said husband/wife, promised to stop and "make a go of marriage" and less than 2/3 weeks later does it again.
Would you let the partner know?
Before you all have a go.....this has NOTHING to do with previous posts so please do not critisise me or get all judgemental.
Thank you.
"
I personally wouldn't want to get involved in that,so I say,as always, your a grown up and you know the risks.
I'm sure there's plenty of people who do on here and not on here too . everyone has their own reasons and to them it's a valid reason.to others it's seen differently.
I do what's best for me,and if that's not good enough for the other person then so be it.
Just don't let someone walk all over you OP,you deserve to be treated with respect. Anything else is not acceptable in my eyes
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have been in a situation where my so called best mate thought it was her place to tell the wife of the man I was sleeping with what was going on. She had the brass neck to tell me what she had fine and the man was able to get to the message before the wife saw it.
Was it her place to sat anything hell no she didn't know the other women or the bloke for that matter she did it out of jealousy as she was also an ex g/f of mine and she wanted more than I was prepared to give at that point in time. What really pissed me off is she knows my hubby aswell but said fuck all to him about my 'carrying on'. I absolutely hate the fact I have to see her everyday as she lives next door to me |
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