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Spider removal service
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So I woke up this morning to find a glass I put on my landing window sill is now home to a 8 legged mammoth of a spider.
As an arachnophobe, I'm looking for someone who will come and remove my new tennent from my house.
I will pay good money for this service and I will also throw in a cooked meal.
Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So I woke up this morning to find a glass I put on my landing window sill is now home to a 8 legged mammoth of a spider.
As an arachnophobe, I'm looking for someone who will come and remove my new tennent from my house.
I will pay good money for this service and I will also throw in a cooked meal.
Thank you"
On me way bud.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"So I woke up this morning to find a glass I put on my landing window sill is now home to a 8 legged mammoth of a spider.
As an arachnophobe, I'm looking for someone who will come and remove my new tennent from my house.
I will pay good money for this service and I will also throw in a cooked meal.
Thank you
On me way bud. "
Thank you. I'll put the oven on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Lol so funny, I can bring round one of my collection if you want, fluffy the salmon pink bird eating spider is one of my favs although best start with Elthel the chilly rose she is so laid back  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lol so funny, I can bring round one of my collection if you want, fluffy the salmon pink bird eating spider is one of my favs although best start with Elthel the chilly rose she is so laid back "
Wish I could say my rose was laid back, she a bitch haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've decided it's just going to be easier to burn the house down, if anyone can recommend a good insurance company please let me know "
After lunch tho yea? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lol so funny, I can bring round one of my collection if you want, fluffy the salmon pink bird eating spider is one of my favs although best start with Elthel the chilly rose she is so laid back
Wish I could say my rose was laid back, she a bitch haha "
Had Ethel since she was a baby lol she is the most friendly T I have had |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How did it get under the glass? Did it lift it up and climb under? If that's the case then this is not a spider but something far more sinister."
No the glass is up right, I don't know how it got in there. Must have dropped in |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've decided it's just going to be easier to burn the house down, if anyone can recommend a good insurance company please let me know
After lunch tho yea?"
Yea we'll set the fire going then we'll pop to local weather spoons for a bite to eat |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've decided it's just going to be easier to burn the house down, if anyone can recommend a good insurance company please let me know
After lunch tho yea?
Yea we'll set the fire going then we'll pop to local weather spoons for a bite to eat"
Top lad. Ummm I've left my wallet in a rush. You can cover this time yes? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I've decided it's just going to be easier to burn the house down, if anyone can recommend a good insurance company please let me know
After lunch tho yea?
Yea we'll set the fire going then we'll pop to local weather spoons for a bite to eat
Top lad. Ummm I've left my wallet in a rush. You can cover this time yes? "
Not an issue mate. I'll get your meal in return for your silence when the police come asking about an arson attack |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've decided it's just going to be easier to burn the house down, if anyone can recommend a good insurance company please let me know
After lunch tho yea?
Yea we'll set the fire going then we'll pop to local weather spoons for a bite to eat
Top lad. Ummm I've left my wallet in a rush. You can cover this time yes?
Not an issue mate. I'll get your meal in return for your silence when the police come asking about an arson attack"
Seems a fair deal  shhhhhh |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's in a glass! Get water from elsewhere, pour it in, put something over the top and drown it.
I noticed a spider in the corner of my bedroom ceiling the other night, I sprayed it with hair spray until it was stuck then aimed with a careful throwing hand with a Converse boot. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It's in a glass! Get water from elsewhere, pour it in, put something over the top and drown it.
I noticed a spider in the corner of my bedroom ceiling the other night, I sprayed it with hair spray until it was stuck then aimed with a careful throwing hand with a Converse boot."
You can't kill them  |
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"It's in a glass! Get water from elsewhere, pour it in, put something over the top and drown it.
I noticed a spider in the corner of my bedroom ceiling the other night, I sprayed it with hair spray until it was stuck then aimed with a careful throwing hand with a Converse boot."
Oh I can imagine him doing this, carefully pouring water into the glass, and then noticing the spider is floating and getting closer to him and closer to reaching the top of the glass and being able to escape and scurry off, realising the imminent danger proceeds to scream like 4yr old girl and jump about like he's on hot coals, before running out of the room and bursting into tears. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How did it get under the glass? Did it lift it up and climb under? If that's the case then this is not a spider but something far more sinister.
No the glass is up right, I don't know how it got in there. Must have dropped in "
It's caught itself then, all you need to do is cover it over and throw the whole lot out the window  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It's in a glass! Get water from elsewhere, pour it in, put something over the top and drown it.
I noticed a spider in the corner of my bedroom ceiling the other night, I sprayed it with hair spray until it was stuck then aimed with a careful throwing hand with a Converse boot.
Oh I can imagine him doing this, carefully pouring water into the glass, and then noticing the spider is floating and getting closer to him and closer to reaching the top of the glass and being able to escape and scurry off, realising the imminent danger proceeds to scream like 4yr old girl and jump about like he's on hot coals, before running out of the room and bursting into tears."
Do we know each other? This is incredibly accurate |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"After 4 cans of Stella I finally got rid of the squid.
Victory is mine
Did you have to get d*unk enough to be incapable of attacking you?
That much have been a hardcore spider to manage 4 cans!  "
For a minute I thought he was going to drink me under the table |
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"It's in a glass! Get water from elsewhere, pour it in, put something over the top and drown it.
I noticed a spider in the corner of my bedroom ceiling the other night, I sprayed it with hair spray until it was stuck then aimed with a careful throwing hand with a Converse boot."
Ok that's pretty violent! Man up for God's sake it's a spider stick a piece of paper over it and take it outside... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I am sure the ladies here think you should just man up!
Meh, who cares about the opinions of strangers
Obviously you as you put up a thread about it.
 "
Put up a joke thread asking for help. As people often do |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's a spider ffs. Take off your blouse and get it dealt with
It was so big it ripped the blouse right off my back in the struggle
I bet you have bruises and everything.  "
It was like that video footage of the whale fighting with giant squid. It only needed a car chase and we could have sold it to hollywood |
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I have a few spiders residing in my gaff, there's one who lives in ma bedroom window and can construct a new web complete from scratch in about half an hour. He's only about 1cm across including legs. I also have at least couple of ones whose body is about 2/3mm across and have long legs, they don't do much other than just hang upside down in the most obscure places 
All of my spiders are called Henry, but ma last Border Collie was called Spider  |
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"I have a few spiders residing in my gaff, there's one who lives in ma bedroom window and can construct a new web complete from scratch in about half an hour. He's only about 1cm across including legs. I also have at least couple of ones whose body is about 2/3mm across and have long legs, they don't do much other than just hang upside down in the most obscure places
All of my spiders are called Henry, but ma last Border Collie was called Spider "
So these are your new pets....whoooo loving it...!! |
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"I have a few spiders residing in my gaff, there's one who lives in ma bedroom window and can construct a new web complete from scratch in about half an hour. He's only about 1cm across including legs. I also have at least couple of ones whose body is about 2/3mm across and have long legs, they don't do much other than just hang upside down in the most obscure places
All of my spiders are called Henry, but ma last Border Collie was called Spider
So these are your new pets....whoooo loving it...!!"
Oh yeah, I have learnt to vacuum with extreme caution |
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I was once taking a pee in a dunny in the outback of Australia. Looked up mid stream to see the biggest hairiest spiders alive inches from my face. Turned out to be a bush funnel web. Highly venomous. Good job I was already peeing.
Had to do a lean back style piss as I thought it might jump on my face. Was fine though. Generally if you don't bother them they won't bother you. Didnt go back in that sunny ever again though!
|
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As they have just harvested the field at the bottom of my garden I am getting some beauties in the house. One even charged at me the other day, changed direction and followed me across the room as I danced about calling it names, it kept flashing the fangs as it stood on its back legs. It disappeared under the sofa before I could find a glass big enough, hell even the cat jumped on the sofa out of its way!
Caught the bugger 3 days later, it was bloody fast and still aggressive. |
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"So I woke up this morning to find a glass I put on my landing window sill is now home to a 8 legged mammoth of a spider.
As an arachnophobe, I'm looking for someone who will come and remove my new tennent from my house.
I will pay good money for this service and I will also throw in a cooked meal.
Thank you"
It obviously can't get out if it fell in and is still there as the sides are to slippy
Easy job |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As they have just harvested the field at the bottom of my garden I am getting some beauties in the house. One even charged at me the other day, changed direction and followed me across the room as I danced about calling it names, it kept flashing the fangs as it stood on its back legs. It disappeared under the sofa before I could find a glass big enough, hell even the cat jumped on the sofa out of its way!
Caught the bugger 3 days later, it was bloody fast and still aggressive."
Want to borrow me shotgun |
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"It'll be back with 3 of his biggest mates later to finish you off
Why would you say that
I'm moving house"
That's nothing, a friend of mine says they crawl across your face in the night and dangle their willies in your mouth while you sleep |
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"As they have just harvested the field at the bottom of my garden I am getting some beauties in the house. One even charged at me the other day, changed direction and followed me across the room as I danced about calling it names, it kept flashing the fangs as it stood on its back legs. It disappeared under the sofa before I could find a glass big enough, hell even the cat jumped on the sofa out of its way!
Caught the bugger 3 days later, it was bloody fast and still aggressive.
Want to borrow me shotgun "
I was tempted to bring a couple of my ducks in the house, they love spiders, slugs etc, but considering those girls shit continously I actually preferred a hand sized spider |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It'll be back with 3 of his biggest mates later to finish you off
Why would you say that
I'm moving house
That's nothing, a friend of mine says they crawl across your face in the night and dangle their willies in your mouth while you sleep "
Are you sure? That sounds made up. I thought it was ghosts that did that |
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"It'll be back with 3 of his biggest mates later to finish you off
Why would you say that
I'm moving house
That's nothing, a friend of mine says they crawl across your face in the night and dangle their willies in your mouth while you sleep
Are you sure? That sounds made up. I thought it was ghosts that did that"
I've never stayed awake long enough to find out |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"As they have just harvested the field at the bottom of my garden I am getting some beauties in the house. One even charged at me the other day, changed direction and followed me across the room as I danced about calling it names, it kept flashing the fangs as it stood on its back legs. It disappeared under the sofa before I could find a glass big enough, hell even the cat jumped on the sofa out of its way!
Caught the bugger 3 days later, it was bloody fast and still aggressive.
Want to borrow me shotgun
I was tempted to bring a couple of my ducks in the house, they love spiders, slugs etc, but considering those girls shit continously I actually preferred a hand sized spider "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It'll be back with 3 of his biggest mates later to finish you off
Why would you say that
I'm moving house
That's nothing, a friend of mine says they crawl across your face in the night and dangle their willies in your mouth while you sleep
Are you sure? That sounds made up. I thought it was ghosts that did that
I've never stayed awake long enough to find out "
Ghosts do have the habit of putting the willies up ya |
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"I have a few spiders residing in my gaff, there's one who lives in ma bedroom window and can construct a new web complete from scratch in about half an hour. He's only about 1cm across including legs. I also have at least couple of ones whose body is about 2/3mm across and have long legs, they don't do much other than just hang upside down in the most obscure places
All of my spiders are called Henry, but ma last Border Collie was called Spider
So these are your new pets....whoooo loving it...!!
Oh yeah, I have learnt to vacuum with extreme caution "
Impressive and very considerate. I am sure your new housemates appreciate that  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It's a spider ffs. Take off your blouse and get it dealt with
It was so big it ripped the blouse right off my back in the struggle "
That I could believe |
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"don't mind them they help get rid of flies which bug the hell out of me(pun intended) "
Thats the reason I,ve left one with her tightly woven web in our conservatory I presume its most likely a different one each year perhaps not but she is hugh and only comes out when its quite even for prey Items the webs a work of art but I usually remove it back end when the blue bottles and others have dropped off in number the spiders always seem to come back.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"He'll be back. He's outside currently hatching a cunning plan.
He's got to get out the wheely bin first 
Man up lol......be a man "
Huh, how about that, my phobia just up and vanished. Thank you |
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don't even think the meal will be worth it 
