FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Shit jokes for insomniacs
Shit jokes for insomniacs
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I asked a welsh guy at work how many sexual partners he'd had, he thought for a second and started counting in his head....... and then he fell asleep!"
So wrong!! ?? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I asked a welsh guy at work how many sexual partners he'd had, he thought for a second and started counting in his head....... and then he fell asleep!
So wrong!! ??"
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Dyslexic skiers couldn't work out whether to zig zag or zag zig down a particular slope so they asked a guy who said I've no idea I'm a tobogganist, they said ok can we have 20 benson and hedges |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"If I ever meet the designer of the usb, I will punch him I the face.
Then I will pull my fist back, turn it over and punch him again  "
Can't work out if this is modern or post modern but I'm having this as wellif you don't mind |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
A man went to the doctor's with a personal complaint, his penis had turned a lovely shade of orange.
The doctor looked at his big medical book and found some suggestions.
He asked the man if he was under any stress recently and the man told him his job was completely stress free so the doctor went back to his big medical book.
He then asked the man of his job involved any work with chemicals which may affect his penis. The man replied in the negative.
So the doctor went back to his book and asked the man if he had been sexually active recently, the man replied that he hasn't had sex in months.
The doctor went back to his big medical book and had exhausted all options so he took the initiative and asked the man if he had any hobbies.
The man said "I have no hobbies, all I do in my spare time is eat wotsits and masturbate" |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"A man went to the doctor's with a personal complaint, his penis had turned a lovely shade of orange.
The doctor looked at his big medical book and found some suggestions.
He asked the man if he was under any stress recently and the man told him his job was completely stress free so the doctor went back to his big medical book.
He then asked the man of his job involved any work with chemicals which may affect his penis. The man replied in the negative.
So the doctor went back to his book and asked the man if he had been sexually active recently, the man replied that he hasn't had sex in months.
The doctor went back to his big medical book and had exhausted all options so he took the initiative and asked the man if he had any hobbies.
The man said "I have no hobbies, all I do in my spare time is eat wotsits and masturbate""
Beautiful |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
A white horse walks into a bar and asks for a beer, the bar man said hey, we have a whisky named after you.
The horse said, why do you have a whisky named Eric?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
A man walks into a bar and orders 6 shots of whisky, as the barman pours them he necks them one by one.
Barman says you're drinking a bit quickly mate, the guy says look you'd be drinking quickly if you'd got what I've got, barman says why? What have you got?
Fella says "50 pence" |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"A woman walks into a bar and asks for an innuendo so the barman gives her one"
A sound engineer went into the same bar and also asked for a double entendre so the barman gave him one too (works much better aurally  ) |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"A woman walks into a bar and asks for an innuendo so the barman gives her one
A sound engineer went into the same bar and also asked for a double entendre so the barman gave him one too (works much better aurally )"
Brilliant, reminds me of how many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb? Two one two one two |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I've got a polish friend who is a sound engineer,
and i've got a czech one too!
Gtf, never heard that before and fucking love it. It's my joke now."
Innit |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"One cow turns to the other and says 'Have you heard about this mad cow disease?'
The other replies 'Doesn't affect me I'm a horse!'
(Shamelessly stolen joke! !  )"
Mate we all stole these jokes I'm sure  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What's the easiest way to make ends meet?
Cut out the middle bit 
Shockingly bad but it still raised a snigger
They get a lot worse than that..  "
Bring it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
3 nuns die in a car crash and as they're queuing at the pearly gates St Peter says to the first nun have you ever touched a mans penis.
Embarrassed she says yes I did once. St peter says you've led a blameless life wash your hands in the holy font and go on to everlasting peace.
As he asks the second nun the same question the third barges her out of the way and says look, if you think I'm gargling that water after she's stuck her arse in it you've another thing coming. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"3 nuns die in a car crash and as they're queuing at the pearly gates St Peter says to the first nun have you ever touched a mans penis.
Embarrassed she says yes I did once. St peter says you've led a blameless life wash your hands in the holy font and go on to everlasting peace.
As he asks the second nun the same question the third barges her out of the way and says look, if you think I'm gargling that water after she's stuck her arse in it you've another thing coming. "
Two nuns were stopped at a red light when a car of d*unks pulled up alongside.
"Show us your tits penguins!" shouted one of the d*unks.
The Mother Superior turns to Sister Margaret and says "I don't think they know who we are. Show them your cross!"
So Sister Margaret rolls down her window and shouts, "Fuck off you fucking wankers before I get out and rip your balls off!"
I've just sent you a PM as well OP |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"3 nuns die in a car crash and as they're queuing at the pearly gates St Peter says to the first nun have you ever touched a mans penis.
Embarrassed she says yes I did once. St peter says you've led a blameless life wash your hands in the holy font and go on to everlasting peace.
As he asks the second nun the same question the third barges her out of the way and says look, if you think I'm gargling that water after she's stuck her arse in it you've another thing coming. "
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I was shipwrecked once, woke up on a purple beach under a purple sky, I looked at the purple waves lapping against the shore when I realised, I'd been marooned |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What do you call it when a piano is dropped down a mine shaft??
A Flat Minor
What do you call it when a piano is dropped on a army base?
A Flat Major
"
What's green, has six legs and if it lands on you will probably kill you?
A snooker table
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Have you heard about the Ice Cream man who was found dead on his van floor covered in hundreds and thousands?
The police said he topped himself."
Love it.
Did you hear about the 2 lads who got arrested, one was sniffing battery acid the other gunpowder? The oolice charged one and let the other one off |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ENGUYMan
over a year ago
Hull |
Guy goes to his GP.
Doc: What's the problem?
Guy: Every time I pee, it goes all over the place!
Doc: Show me what you mean.
Guy does so, out pops his cock, down the front of which is a line of holes; the guy starts peeing and the piss goes everywhere!
Doc goes nuts as he is showered in Pee, then goes to his desk and writes on a name on a piece of paper.
Guy: Who's this?
Doc: He's a Flute teacher, he'll show you how to hold it properly!
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
A bra and a pair of jumper leads walk into a bar. The bra asks for a beer. The barman says no. The bra asks why. The barman says "Cause you're off ya tits and your mates look like they're gonna start something." |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Why do Elephants paint there balls red ?
So they can hide in Cherry trees .
Ever seen an Elephant in a Cheery tree ?
See it works
"
What's the loudest noise in Africa? Monkeys eating cherries.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My other grandfather can no longer do what he loved doing
..Bombing the Germans."
My other grandfather, before he died, wanted to become a sledge. So we covered his back in butter, and after that he went downhill very quickly. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I went to the surgery yesterday with a sexual problem......took my penis out and said
"I have been very premature lately"
She said "you certainly are,...I'm the receptionist"
"
love it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If I ever meet the designer of the usb, I will punch him I the face.
Then I will pull my fist back, turn it over and punch him again "
don't forget to pull back turn it over one more and watch it glide perfectly inside him...wait |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"What do you call it when a piano is dropped down a mine shaft??
A Flat Minor
What do you call it when a piano is dropped on a army base?
A Flat Major
What's green, has six legs and if it lands on you will probably kill you?
A snooker table
"
a snooker table has 8 legs.... Honest |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
. ( it's just a joke don't have a breakdown ) 