FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Are you ready for a nuclear attack?
Are you ready for a nuclear attack?
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I've got a cupboard under the stairs that might be a decent shelter but it's full of old video games, guitars and clothes going mouldy and I'm fucked if I can be bothering to clean that out.
Looking at the food situation there are some cans of kidney beans and chopped tomatoes. Also a Baxters carrot and coriander soup, but things would have to be really nukey for me to consider that.
No radios with batteries in.
I've got Threads on DVD for a bit of themed entertainment.
I work in the public sector though so assume I'll be taken to some sort of special base.
PREPARED RATING: 2/10 |
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Just like the Simpsons I live in an old house in middle of nowhere with loads of old lead paint on so I'll be fine! Ready to repopulate the world after so any ladies want to cum and shelter with me get in touch;) lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just stick your head between your knees and kiss your ass goodbye
Shall I just stick my head between your knees  "
If I had the car... I'd be starting it now |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have covered a colander in tin foil. I plan to wear this on my head and confidently expect to survive unscathed.
Preparedness 10/10"
Have you developed a stutter?  |
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I'll take my chances thanks.
Jesus Christ look at the chaos this country gets in after a bit of snow,do you really think our government are prepared for a catastrophic event on that scale?
All the rich and famous will be safely tucked away in their bunkers while any of us Plebs left Will be eating eradicated cat's and drinking our own piss.
So if it happens I will be standing out in the open arm's in the air waiting to get vaporised.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'll take my chances thanks.
Jesus Christ look at the chaos this country gets in after a bit of snow,do you really think our government are prepared for a catastrophic event on that scale?
All the rich and famous will be safely tucked away in their bunkers while any of us Plebs left Will be eating eradicated cat's and drinking our own piss.
So if it happens I will be standing out in the open arm's in the air waiting to get vaporised.
"
Can't eradicate cats... they have 9 lives |
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By *hortieWoman
over a year ago
Northampton |
"Just stick your head between your knees and kiss your ass goodbye
Shall I just stick my head between your knees depends on the blast direction. Do you really want a pair of balls welded onto your eyesockets as your final memory ?  "
This is... without doubt, the best thing I have seen on the net this year. At least. Thank you!!!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yep. 2 bottles of whiskey at the ready to neck 
I like this plan....only one problem though....i don't like whiskey!! Maybe vodka instead!! "
Make sure its neat. Will hit you quicker then lol  |
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"I'll take my chances thanks.
Jesus Christ look at the chaos this country gets in after a bit of snow,do you really think our government are prepared for a catastrophic event on that scale?
All the rich and famous will be safely tucked away in their bunkers while any of us Plebs left Will be eating eradicated cat's and drinking our own piss.
So if it happens I will be standing out in the open arm's in the air waiting to get vaporised.
"
Unfortunately there is no safe place from an H bomb. That's why the Government sold off the old nuclear shelters. They became obsolete. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I stuck my head between my legs and my arse in the air, it would likely send the nuke off target and it woukd land in France or Germany or somewhere else!!!!! #problem solved.....i would be your saviour! |
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"I'll take my chances thanks.
Jesus Christ look at the chaos this country gets in after a bit of snow,do you really think our government are prepared for a catastrophic event on that scale?
All the rich and famous will be safely tucked away in their bunkers while any of us Plebs left Will be eating eradicated cat's and drinking our own piss.
So if it happens I will be standing out in the open arm's in the air waiting to get vaporised.
Unfortunately there is no safe place from an H bomb. That's why the Government sold off the old nuclear shelters. They became obsolete."
We exported them to North Korea |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do we need to stock pile cake ?
Always need plenty of cake!!
Shall we get prosecco too "
Definitely need plenty of prosecco!! I think maybe 150 bottles for a week would do??
Prosecco and cake should make it bearable!! If we die we'll die happy! |
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We live in a nuclear target city so unless we could build something a few miles down with lead and concrete, attach a 10 min warning with an express elevator we would never make it... But on the plus side it would be quick at least
Prepared level 10/10 as fate accepted |
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"Do we need to stock pile cake ?
Always need plenty of cake!!
Shall we get prosecco too
Definitely need plenty of prosecco!! I think maybe 150 bottles for a week would do??
Prosecco and cake should make it bearable!! If we die we'll die happy! "
You know reading all these other amateur replies, I think we've got this cracked. I need crisps too though and we shall need a piss pot |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do we need to stock pile cake ?
Always need plenty of cake!!
Shall we get prosecco too
Definitely need plenty of prosecco!! I think maybe 150 bottles for a week would do??
Prosecco and cake should make it bearable!! If we die we'll die happy!
You know reading all these other amateur replies, I think we've got this cracked. I need crisps too though and we shall need a piss pot "
I totally agree.... we will outlive everyone!!!
I've got loads of wine, snacks and sweets too!!
Preparedness 11/10!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do we need to stock pile cake ?
Always need plenty of cake!!
Shall we get prosecco too
Definitely need plenty of prosecco!! I think maybe 150 bottles for a week would do??
Prosecco and cake should make it bearable!! If we die we'll die happy!
You know reading all these other amateur replies, I think we've got this cracked. I need crisps too though and we shall need a piss pot
I totally agree.... we will outlive everyone!!!
I've got loads of wine, snacks and sweets too!!
Preparedness 11/10!! "
As for the piss pot..... I am used to damp patches!!!! There is a toilet a short distance from my under stair shelter though!!! |
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"Do we need to stock pile cake ?
Always need plenty of cake!!
Shall we get prosecco too
Definitely need plenty of prosecco!! I think maybe 150 bottles for a week would do??
Prosecco and cake should make it bearable!! If we die we'll die happy!
You know reading all these other amateur replies, I think we've got this cracked. I need crisps too though and we shall need a piss pot
I totally agree.... we will outlive everyone!!!
I've got loads of wine, snacks and sweets too!!
Preparedness 11/10!!
As for the piss pot..... I am used to damp patches!!!! There is a toilet a short distance from my under stair shelter though!!! "
But we can't leave the shelter, so you gotta piss in the pot. What about meat  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do we need to stock pile cake ?
Always need plenty of cake!!
Shall we get prosecco too
Definitely need plenty of prosecco!! I think maybe 150 bottles for a week would do??
Prosecco and cake should make it bearable!! If we die we'll die happy!
You know reading all these other amateur replies, I think we've got this cracked. I need crisps too though and we shall need a piss pot
I totally agree.... we will outlive everyone!!!
I've got loads of wine, snacks and sweets too!!
Preparedness 11/10!!
As for the piss pot..... I am used to damp patches!!!! There is a toilet a short distance from my under stair shelter though!!!
But we can't leave the shelter, so you gotta piss in the pot. What about meat "
Who needs meat lol!!! Got tins of tuna, cooked sausages and ham etc!!
One prob....once the shelter is full of booze, snacks, duvet, pillows and all other essentials there will prob only be room for 2 people at the most....prob only one!!! |
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"Do we need to stock pile cake ?
Always need plenty of cake!!
Shall we get prosecco too
Definitely need plenty of prosecco!! I think maybe 150 bottles for a week would do??
Prosecco and cake should make it bearable!! If we die we'll die happy!
You know reading all these other amateur replies, I think we've got this cracked. I need crisps too though and we shall need a piss pot
I totally agree.... we will outlive everyone!!!
I've got loads of wine, snacks and sweets too!!
Preparedness 11/10!!
As for the piss pot..... I am used to damp patches!!!! There is a toilet a short distance from my under stair shelter though!!!
But we can't leave the shelter, so you gotta piss in the pot. What about meat
Who needs meat lol!!! Got tins of tuna, cooked sausages and ham etc!!
One prob....once the shelter is full of booze, snacks, duvet, pillows and all other essentials there will prob only be room for 2 people at the most....prob only one!!! "
Oh that's a shame. Still chubby girls are more vulnerable to nuclear so I guess I'll have to take that place. You must knock if you want a pork scratching though  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do we need to stock pile cake ?
Always need plenty of cake!!
Shall we get prosecco too
Definitely need plenty of prosecco!! I think maybe 150 bottles for a week would do??
Prosecco and cake should make it bearable!! If we die we'll die happy!
You know reading all these other amateur replies, I think we've got this cracked. I need crisps too though and we shall need a piss pot
I totally agree.... we will outlive everyone!!!
I've got loads of wine, snacks and sweets too!!
Preparedness 11/10!!
As for the piss pot..... I am used to damp patches!!!! There is a toilet a short distance from my under stair shelter though!!!
But we can't leave the shelter, so you gotta piss in the pot. What about meat
Who needs meat lol!!! Got tins of tuna, cooked sausages and ham etc!!
One prob....once the shelter is full of booze, snacks, duvet, pillows and all other essentials there will prob only be room for 2 people at the most....prob only one!!! "
dont forget the processed cheese that will last decades! |
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"Bowie Knife and 3 axes ready to head up to the hills of northumberland,
most of the targets are in the south and the prevailing wind will blow the contamination out to sea,
preparedness 7/10 "
Northumberland will be full! Get yourself to the Cleveland Hills, we will block the Tyne Tunnel, no apologies for a dog eat dog situation |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Do we need to stock pile cake ?
Always need plenty of cake!!
Shall we get prosecco too
Definitely need plenty of prosecco!! I think maybe 150 bottles for a week would do??
Prosecco and cake should make it bearable!! If we die we'll die happy!
You know reading all these other amateur replies, I think we've got this cracked. I need crisps too though and we shall need a piss pot
I totally agree.... we will outlive everyone!!!
I've got loads of wine, snacks and sweets too!!
Preparedness 11/10!!
As for the piss pot..... I am used to damp patches!!!! There is a toilet a short distance from my under stair shelter though!!!
But we can't leave the shelter, so you gotta piss in the pot. What about meat
Who needs meat lol!!! Got tins of tuna, cooked sausages and ham etc!!
One prob....once the shelter is full of booze, snacks, duvet, pillows and all other essentials there will prob only be room for 2 people at the most....prob only one!!!
Oh that's a shame. Still chubby girls are more vulnerable to nuclear so I guess I'll have to take that place. You must knock if you want a pork scratching though "
What if I want a cocktail sausage?!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've got fray and bentos pies in the cupboard, if I stick up I can make a fort out of them, nothing can open them!!"
Hahaha. They will survive anything! You will be in ur element! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I will get a few vesta curries in i will be ok "
They are bad enough cooked/heated....how are you going to cook them? Won't be-able to use the gas or the microwave!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I will get a few vesta curries in i will be ok
They are bad enough cooked/heated....how are you going to cook them? Won't be-able to use the gas or the microwave!!! i will use them as weapons"
Good plan... anyone would submit if faced with eating one of those!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have a curly wurly, four toppers in the bread bin, a couple of tins of baked beans, about half a can of Stella and an outside toilet shed so I'm all set.
Prepared rating: -6/10 |
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No point. I live in a big city with an airfield and some industry left. Me and my family will be evaporated within a couple of minutes of an inbound attack being detected. No time to run and too near a prime target to stand any chance (even in my ww2 bomb shelter that came with the house. So I crack on enjoying life and not worry about it. Life is too short to stress about the shit you can't do anything about. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't live in Guam so I'm just going to do my not bovered face and let two of the worlds fat bully's have there hand bag fight while I worry about major stuff like what colour to do my spair room x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Never seen so many fucking unprepared losers in my life.
So how have you prepared for the end of civilisation!? "
Nothing can prepare you for the unpredictability of life. I've not done anything I merely can't believe people would not have bomb shelters built yet.
Would be great to have an underground shelter though. Then when everyone comes knocking to come in and you're stood inside grinning whilst they're melting outside it would be the ultimate 'told you so'
If I'm lucky enough to be warned about an impact because those bombs have two parts to worry about (explosion and implosion), my shed outside has quite the gap underneath and is conveniently next to a water stop cock, also have an annexed greenhouse with water butt so if the waters any good I'll have something to consume... |
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"I will get a few vesta curries in i will be ok
They are bad enough cooked/heated....how are you going to cook them? Won't be-able to use the gas or the microwave!!! i will use them as weapons
Good plan... anyone would submit if faced with eating one of those!!! "
And I thought we were shelter pals. Now I see you throwing yourself at the curry lady 
I will confess I'm disappointed. I'll be waiting in the corner for an apology |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I will get a few vesta curries in i will be ok
They are bad enough cooked/heated....how are you going to cook them? Won't be-able to use the gas or the microwave!!! i will use them as weapons
Good plan... anyone would submit if faced with eating one of those!!!
And I thought we were shelter pals. Now I see you throwing yourself at the curry lady
I will confess I'm disappointed. I'll be waiting in the corner for an apology "
Lol......i can assure you that I wouldn't eat a Vesta curry if I was starving!!! They are good torture tools though..... nukes have nothing on one of those bad boys!!!
I will do (almost) anything for a GOOD curry though... I hope that you are making a list of essentials in that corner.
We need to be prepared!!
Wine and vodka top of the list!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Never seen so many fucking unprepared losers in my life.
So how have you prepared for the end of civilisation!?
Nothing can prepare you for the unpredictability of life. I've not done anything I merely can't believe people would not have bomb shelters built yet.
Would be great to have an underground shelter though. Then when everyone comes knocking to come in and you're stood inside grinning whilst they're melting outside it would be the ultimate 'told you so'
If I'm lucky enough to be warned about an impact because those bombs have two parts to worry about (explosion and implosion), my shed outside has quite the gap underneath and is conveniently next to a water stop cock, also have an annexed greenhouse with water butt so if the waters any good I'll have something to consume..."
Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it is unlikely the shed or greenhouse would survive the blasts and high winds sorry.
In the unlikely event they did, the water in the butt would be contaminated |
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"I will get a few vesta curries in i will be ok
They are bad enough cooked/heated....how are you going to cook them? Won't be-able to use the gas or the microwave!!! i will use them as weapons
Good plan... anyone would submit if faced with eating one of those!!!
And I thought we were shelter pals. Now I see you throwing yourself at the curry lady
I will confess I'm disappointed. I'll be waiting in the corner for an apology
Lol......i can assure you that I wouldn't eat a Vesta curry if I was starving!!! They are good torture tools though..... nukes have nothing on one of those bad boys!!!
I will do (almost) anything for a GOOD curry though... I hope that you are making a list of essentials in that corner.
We need to be prepared!!
Wine and vodka top of the list!!! "
...maybe .
- crisps
- snorkels
- perfume
- double ender dildo
- books for when we fall out again
- more crisps
- me cat
- mouth wash
- plasters
- torches
- more crisps
Yes I think that's it
|
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If I make it through the initial blast I've got a cupboard full of soup, tuna, marmalade and piccalilli, plus my trusty copy of the SAS Survival Handbook (c.1984) to depend upon. Full of handy hints for making useful 'stuff' out of twigs, condoms, cobwebs and the like, plus step by step instructions for killing things with my bare hands (such as dastardly marauders after my tuna). I'll be fine  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I will get a few vesta curries in i will be ok
They are bad enough cooked/heated....how are you going to cook them? Won't be-able to use the gas or the microwave!!! i will use them as weapons
Good plan... anyone would submit if faced with eating one of those!!!
And I thought we were shelter pals. Now I see you throwing yourself at the curry lady
I will confess I'm disappointed. I'll be waiting in the corner for an apology
Lol......i can assure you that I wouldn't eat a Vesta curry if I was starving!!! They are good torture tools though..... nukes have nothing on one of those bad boys!!!
I will do (almost) anything for a GOOD curry though... I hope that you are making a list of essentials in that corner.
We need to be prepared!!
Wine and vodka top of the list!!!
...maybe .
- crisps
- snorkels
- perfume
- double ender dildo
- books for when we fall out again
- more crisps
- me cat
- mouth wash
- plasters
- torches
- more crisps
Yes I think that's it
"
How about water, proper food, medical supplies, medication and.....the vibrators. I would say that those are essential!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I will get a few vesta curries in i will be ok
They are bad enough cooked/heated....how are you going to cook them? Won't be-able to use the gas or the microwave!!! i will use them as weapons
Good plan... anyone would submit if faced with eating one of those!!!
And I thought we were shelter pals. Now I see you throwing yourself at the curry lady
I will confess I'm disappointed. I'll be waiting in the corner for an apology
Lol......i can assure you that I wouldn't eat a Vesta curry if I was starving!!! They are good torture tools though..... nukes have nothing on one of those bad boys!!!
I will do (almost) anything for a GOOD curry though... I hope that you are making a list of essentials in that corner.
We need to be prepared!!
Wine and vodka top of the list!!!
...maybe .
- crisps
- snorkels
- perfume
- double ender dildo
- books for when we fall out again
- more crisps
- me cat
- mouth wash
- plasters
- torches
- more crisps
Yes I think that's it
How about water, proper food, medical supplies, medication and........the vibrators. I would say that those are essential!! "
And plenty of batteries (for the torches of course!!) |
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"
How about water, proper food, medical supplies, medication and.....the vibrators. I would say that those are essential!! "
We have prosecco to drink.
Crisps to eat.
I packed plasters.
And the aftershock of the fallout will make me shake permanently making the dildo vibrate.
Have a little faith please |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I know the best place for all of you in your towns and villages, if you got time you grab what you can for your health and habitat, and get to your nearest pub closest to your church. Every old church has escape tunnels to the pub or another building with a cellar. That will be your best chance under them. Plus you can get off your fucking nuts too on all the booze lol and if it works you can all thank me after ?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This Thread has Got me all Worried Now..
Will i need a Brolly.. "
Yes but without a pair of sunglasses a swine flu mask I'm afraid you're as good as fucked. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just bought a pair of sunglasses, earplugs and popcorn.... I'm so effing ready 
That's just a normal night for me  "
That reminded me..... We must add loads of popcorn and some iced coffee to the list.... I love coffee and wont be-able to leave the shelter or boil the kettle!!
Oh and did I mention vodka.....we neeeeeedddd vodka!!
Some baby wipes for hygiene purposes would be useful too!! |
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"Just bought a pair of sunglasses, earplugs and popcorn.... I'm so effing ready
That's just a normal night for me
That reminded me..... We must add loads of popcorn and some iced coffee to the list.... I love coffee and wont be-able to leave the shelter or boil the kettle!!
Oh and did I mention vodka.....we neeeeeedddd vodka!!
Some baby wipes for hygiene purposes would be useful too!! "
That's what the perfume was for  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I know the best place for all of you in your towns and villages, if you got time you grab what you can for your health and habitat, and get to your nearest pub closest to your church. Every old church has escape tunnels to the pub or another building with a cellar. That will be your best chance under them. Plus you can get off your fucking nuts too on all the booze lol and if it works you can all thank me after ??
. Flamingstarr I've had a better offer "
I don't believe him....i think he is trying to reel you in!!!!
And there will be plenty of room for us all anyway!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Use your old nugget mate. I think people will be smart enough to send groups out as quick as possible to get each essential and that will be on top of what ever you have bought first lol. And will have to make the units airtight where ever you are for as long as you can. Fuck I'm talking like it's going to happen lol. Nobody be worried. It's just facts |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just bought a pair of sunglasses, earplugs and popcorn.... I'm so effing ready
That's just a normal night for me
That reminded me..... We must add loads of popcorn and some iced coffee to the list.... I love coffee and wont be-able to leave the shelter or boil the kettle!!
Oh and did I mention vodka.....we neeeeeedddd vodka!!
Some baby wipes for hygiene purposes would be useful too!!
That's what the perfume was for "
Lol...perfume does not mop up fluid though!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just bought a pair of sunglasses, earplugs and popcorn.... I'm so effing ready
That's just a normal night for me
That reminded me..... We must add loads of popcorn and some iced coffee to the list.... I love coffee and wont be-able to leave the shelter or boil the kettle!!
Oh and did I mention vodka.....we neeeeeedddd vodka!!
Some baby wipes for hygiene purposes would be useful too!! "
don't forget to rob the drug dealer as well |
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"Just bought a pair of sunglasses, earplugs and popcorn.... I'm so effing ready
That's just a normal night for me
That reminded me..... We must add loads of popcorn and some iced coffee to the list.... I love coffee and wont be-able to leave the shelter or boil the kettle!!
Oh and did I mention vodka.....we neeeeeedddd vodka!!
Some baby wipes for hygiene purposes would be useful too!!
That's what the perfume was for
Lol...perfume does not mop up fluid though!!! "
And on that note it's Bed for me. Ring me on the bat phone if we are called for action
Good giggles |
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"I have new batteries in my vibes.
Preparedness rating: 10/10. (for about 20 seconds. Good job they are new batteries and can go out with a bang. Pun intended.).
"
I have a genarator and petrol. Ride it out baby. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The government should build a nuclear fallout absorbing wall with all the criminals,
Using the all the sex offenders & all the other category A prisoners as the top layer. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The government should build a nuclear fallout absorbing wall with all the criminals,
Using the all the sex offenders & all the other category A prisoners as the top layer. "
na they will probably just fail at that as they did being a human being |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
If only I listened at school, I could have become and astronaut and got a front row seat watching the fireworks form the ISS. It would mean having to drink filtered piss for the rest of my life. |
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