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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Lift ones are so funny if a silent & deadly one is released  "
lol that's when you seriously need to prefer your own flavour lol
Lol why is that anyway haha |
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Our son did an SBD at the checkout in the supermarket while we were on holiday.
We both looked at each other and then looked at him, shoulders shrugging.
It was that bad that two guys who approached the till both said WHOAH, who's done that.
Hubby had to walk off as he couldn't stop laughing.
Our lad just stood there as if butter wouldn't melt  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Furious finger blasting in a bid to make me squirt always make me want to fart...so I fart...serves them right, I'm not even a squirter  "
Not a squirter - just a farter haha lol
Btw beautiful pussy - love the way it looks xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Lift ones are so funny if a silent & deadly one is released
...but not if it's just two of you in the lift. You can't deney ownership of it then...  "
Yes best to release in a full lift , there is an art to it , wouldn't want a squeaker lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Our son did an SBD at the checkout in the supermarket while we were on holiday.
We both looked at each other and then looked at him, shoulders shrugging.
It was that bad that two guys who approached the till both said WHOAH, who's done that.
Hubby had to walk off as he couldn't stop laughing.
Our lad just stood there as if butter wouldn't melt "
Good lad , pmsl  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dutch Ovens are no joke! 
They are if your the one doing them lol "
I had one done to me, she then jumped on top of the quilt pinning me down with no way out the oven!
A little part of me died that day  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dutch Ovens are no joke!
They are if your the one doing them lol
I had one done to me, she then jumped on top of the quilt pinning me down with no way out the oven!
A little part of me died that day "
That's no way to talk about your penis man!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I remember the girl I lost my virgnity doing the loudest fanny fart ever (not that I'd heard on before) I thought it was hilarious she on the other hand didn't. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Fanny farts are great tho!! Yes if your a woman they can be embarrassing I guess, but on the other hand they can feel great on your cock as your fucking on all fours!!
Actually used to make me cum easily xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fanny farts are great tho!! Yes if your a woman they can be embarrassing I guess, but on the other hand they can feel great on your cock as your fucking on all fours!!
Actually used to make me cum easily xx"
First time I did a fanny fart just started laughing and couldn't stop |
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I see myself as a Gentleman and often if a Lady offers a fanny fart during a pounding I will take that as a compliment and in return offer a 'High 5' to hide any embarrassment the lucky lady maybe suffering. |
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"Fanny farts are great tho!! Yes if your a woman they can be embarrassing I guess, but on the other hand they can feel great on your cock as your fucking on all fours!!
Actually used to make me cum easily xx
First time I did a fanny fart just started laughing and couldn't stop "
I know a few woman of a certain age that fart the more they laugh. It's a vicious circle for them as they have a good sence of humour and find farting funny. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always own up when I fart, never take the blame for someone else's, my lads shake their heads at me coz I'll walk down the street farting as I go lol better out than in |
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By *ild_oatsMan
over a year ago
the land of saints & sinners |
They can be dangerous...
https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.thesun.co.uk/news/2088291/patient-left-with-serious-burns-after-farting-during-operation-and-igniting-surgeons-laser/amp/
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"Protein farts are the worst - I'm all for exercise and a healthy diet but fookin' he'll "
I don't know mate. Wedding night farts. Nothing to do with the happy couple but you been on a Leo Sayer since 11am. Breakfast, coffees. Then champers, loads of pints, a feast, more pints, then a Buffet, pints and then the dancing starts.
Then the farts fill the dance floor. I feel sorry for the people who only get invited to the evening do as they turn up sober and leave feeling sick.
This is why most evening guests only stay for two hours male their excuses and leave. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Protein farts are the worst - I'm all for exercise and a healthy diet but fookin' he'll
I don't know mate. Wedding night farts. Nothing to do with the happy couple but you been on a Leo Sayer since 11am. Breakfast, coffees. Then champers, loads of pints, a feast, more pints, then a Buffet, pints and then the dancing starts.
Then the farts fill the dance floor. I feel sorry for the people who only get invited to the evening do as they turn up sober and leave feeling sick.
This is why most evening guests only stay for two hours male their excuses and leave."
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had a couple of ex partners squeak one out in the throws of passion and one in particular did one in my face when I was going down on her. She claims it was an accident. I can laugh about it now but I was furious at the time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've had a couple of ex partners squeak one out in the throws of passion and one in particular did one in my face when I was going down on her. She claims it was an accident. I can laugh about it now but I was furious at the time "
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"Fanny farts or real farts!! They are all so damn hilarious!!
Except lift farts - they just smell"
Oh, lift farts.
Even worse if you let of a right stinky one and your going to top floor.
Feels like torture |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My beloved is a bit posh and before he met me he had never farted in front of anyone. I soon got him down to my level and now hes better than me.
"
That's the way , don't keep up with the Jones's bring them down to your level it's cheaper lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Furious finger blasting in a bid to make me squirt always make me want to fart...so I fart...serves them right, I'm not even a squirter "
AAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I can't breathe |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think in the heat of passion these things just happen I just laugh them off and do try to warn someone if they are down on me at the time.............. 
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My ex FWB was a massive squirter, I used to give her slow hard stabs getting harder & faster till she was a hot mess. After about 5 minutes I'd lay her on her back & rub her clit, she'd literally piss the bed & 9 times out of 10 do a fart or 2 mid orgasm. Call me crazy but that shit Always turns me on! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There was a woman on AFF - gone now but I remember because I simply had to write a blog post about her - who wrote on her profile, "I will CUM OVER and OVER AGAIN if you FART FOR ME, I LOVE when men FART!!!"
That's what I call a blow job. And what woman doesn't love the wind in her hair?
She must've thought that scene in Blazing Saddles was pure porn.
The slogan, "Beanz meanz Heinz," was thought up over a pint in a London pub and was voted the Best Advertising Slogan Ever. We had our own slogan at school: "Beans, beans, good for the heart, the more you eat, the more you fart." Now it'd be, "Beans, beans, good for some, the more you eat, the more you cum!"
Boom! |
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