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Breaking it off with a fwb
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have seen this guy 4/5 times over the last couple of months and the sex is great! He is great. In contact most days and he honestly says the nicest things (think it's just his way) but I think if it continues then I will end up catching the feels. So wise decision is to back away right? If it were just Sex I could just continue as is. I tried hardening myself to what he says and it just didn't seem to work....so now to give up amazing sex  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have seen this guy 4/5 times over the last couple of months and the sex is great! He is great. In contact most days and he honestly says the nicest things (think it's just his way) but I think if it continues then I will end up catching the feels. So wise decision is to back away right? If it were just Sex I could just continue as is. I tried hardening myself to what he says and it just didn't seem to work....so now to give up amazing sex "
Hmmmm hard decision isn't it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have seen this guy 4/5 times over the last couple of months and the sex is great! He is great. In contact most days and he honestly says the nicest things (think it's just his way) but I think if it continues then I will end up catching the feels. So wise decision is to back away right? If it were just Sex I could just continue as is. I tried hardening myself to what he says and it just didn't seem to work....so now to give up amazing sex "
Are you single? Is he single? Cause if so does it matter if you catch the *feels* maybe he is catching them for you as well! As with anything... My advice would be to talk to him asap, and be honest. You never know what may happen |
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"I have seen this guy 4/5 times over the last couple of months and the sex is great! He is great. In contact most days and he honestly says the nicest things (think it's just his way) but I think if it continues then I will end up catching the feels. So wise decision is to back away right? If it were just Sex I could just continue as is. I tried hardening myself to what he says and it just didn't seem to work....so now to give up amazing sex "
Nope.
Look at the options
1. Ditch him never see him again no great sex and pain of loss.
2. Stay with him. Develop the feels. Have tons of great sex. Then split. Then feel sad but be glad you had the sense to live and enjoy while you could.
3. Stay with him. He feels same. No split. Sex sex sex....
Number 1 is the only real loss.
Go for it you numpty ! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Single (bit complicated living arrangement)
He is single bit has been completely honest from the beginning about what he wants.
Then he sends messages saying he adores me etc  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Lots of factors here.
Are you both single?
Does he feel the same way?
Has he talked to you and hinted it might be possible?
Maybe you're not ready for that yet. Maybe he isn't.
Only you know what could be the best thing to do  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have seen this guy 4/5 times over the last couple of months and the sex is great! He is great. In contact most days and he honestly says the nicest things (think it's just his way) but I think if it continues then I will end up catching the feels. So wise decision is to back away right? If it were just Sex I could just continue as is. I tried hardening myself to what he says and it just didn't seem to work....so now to give up amazing sex
Nope.
Look at the options
1. Ditch him never see him again no great sex and pain of loss.
2. Stay with him. Develop the feels. Have tons of great sex. Then split. Then feel sad but be glad you had the sense to live and enjoy while you could.
3. Stay with him. He feels same. No split. Sex sex sex....
Number 1 is the only real loss.
Go for it you numpty !"
I love your posts |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Single (bit complicated living arrangement)
He is single bit has been completely honest from the beginning about what he wants.
Then he sends messages saying he adores me etc "
Bit obviouslt but |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have seen this guy 4/5 times over the last couple of months and the sex is great! He is great. In contact most days and he honestly says the nicest things (think it's just his way) but I think if it continues then I will end up catching the feels. So wise decision is to back away right? If it were just Sex I could just continue as is. I tried hardening myself to what he says and it just didn't seem to work....so now to give up amazing sex
Nope.
Look at the options
1. Ditch him never see him again no great sex and pain of loss.
2. Stay with him. Develop the feels. Have tons of great sex. Then split. Then feel sad but be glad you had the sense to live and enjoy while you could.
3. Stay with him. He feels same. No split. Sex sex sex....
Number 1 is the only real loss.
Go for it you numpty !"
This!! It's bloody hard finding someone you're compatible with. Don't let him go.  |
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By *s_macWoman
over a year ago
Traffic land |
"I have seen this guy 4/5 times over the last couple of months and the sex is great! He is great. In contact most days and he honestly says the nicest things (think it's just his way) but I think if it continues then I will end up catching the feels. So wise decision is to back away right? If it were just Sex I could just continue as is. I tried hardening myself to what he says and it just didn't seem to work....so now to give up amazing sex "
Is there a reason you shouldn't catch the feels?(other than personal choice and life being more straightforward? My own stance lol) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Single (bit complicated living arrangement)
He is single bit has been completely honest from the beginning about what he wants.
Then he sends messages saying he adores me etc "
Also that was suspossed to be  Not smilie with sunnies |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"I have seen this guy 4/5 times over the last couple of months and the sex is great! He is great. In contact most days and he honestly says the nicest things (think it's just his way) but I think if it continues then I will end up catching the feels. So wise decision is to back away right? If it were just Sex I could just continue as is. I tried hardening myself to what he says and it just didn't seem to work....so now to give up amazing sex
Nope.
Look at the options
1. Ditch him never see him again no great sex and pain of loss.
2. Stay with him. Develop the feels. Have tons of great sex. Then split. Then feel sad but be glad you had the sense to live and enjoy while you could.
3. Stay with him. He feels same. No split. Sex sex sex....
Number 1 is the only real loss.
Go for it you numpty !
This!! It's bloody hard finding someone you're compatible with. Don't let him go. "
^^Totally agree!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Single (bit complicated living arrangement)
He is single bit has been completely honest from the beginning about what he wants.
Then he sends messages saying he adores me etc "
My long term buddy sent me the same text, along with other stuff telling me of his feelings (totally out of character for him). A few weeks later he told me he loves me. It hasn't changed anything about our relationship; we're still having amazing sex with no commitment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Perhaps it's the incurable romantic in me but I read your thread and my first thought was...
And what's the problem?..
If it feels good if it's what you both want if it's what makes you both happy...then ffs just go for it.
I think sometimes we forget this is only a part of our lives thst real life...and real feels... hapoen no matter where we find someone.
If they rock your world they blow your mind you can't think of anything but them...and they feel the same way too...
Just what is it you have to lose?
I kinda like happy endings as much as happy beginnings...
Life it's not that hard...neither is fab...do what makes you both happy xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Perhaps it's the incurable romantic in me but I read your thread and my first thought was...
And what's the problem?..
If it feels good if it's what you both want if it's what makes you both happy...then ffs just go for it.
I think sometimes we forget this is only a part of our lives thst real life...and real feels... hapoen no matter where we find someone.
If they rock your world they blow your mind you can't think of anything but them...and they feel the same way too...
Just what is it you have to lose?
I kinda like happy endings as much as happy beginnings...
Life it's not that hard...neither is fab...do what makes you both happy xx"
Im.like 90% sure im.just sex to him. A small compartmentalised part of his sex life. He has pretty much told me as such . Then he said the nicest things and i feel fucking stupid for believing them |
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"I have seen this guy 4/5 times over the last couple of months and the sex is great! He is great. In contact most days and he honestly says the nicest things (think it's just his way) but I think if it continues then I will end up catching the feels. So wise decision is to back away right? If it were just Sex I could just continue as is. I tried hardening myself to what he says and it just didn't seem to work....so now to give up amazing sex
Nope.
Look at the options
1. Ditch him never see him again no great sex and pain of loss.
2. Stay with him. Develop the feels. Have tons of great sex. Then split. Then feel sad but be glad you had the sense to live and enjoy while you could.
3. Stay with him. He feels same. No split. Sex sex sex....
Number 1 is the only real loss.
Go for it you numpty !
This!! It's bloody hard finding someone you're compatible with. Don't let him go. "
yes this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Perhaps it's the incurable romantic in me but I read your thread and my first thought was...
And what's the problem?..
If it feels good if it's what you both want if it's what makes you both happy...then ffs just go for it.
I think sometimes we forget this is only a part of our lives thst real life...and real feels... hapoen no matter where we find someone.
If they rock your world they blow your mind you can't think of anything but them...and they feel the same way too...
Just what is it you have to lose?
I kinda like happy endings as much as happy beginnings...
Life it's not that hard...neither is fab...do what makes you both happy xx
Im.like 90% sure im.just sex to him. A small compartmentalised part of his sex life. He has pretty much told me as such . Then he said the nicest things and i feel fucking stupid for believing them "
if this is the vibe you get then id now say trust your gut - but still have a chat with him - men say the right things we want to hear and twist reality to fit who the hell they are chatting with at the time - |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Perhaps it's the incurable romantic in me but I read your thread and my first thought was...
And what's the problem?..
If it feels good if it's what you both want if it's what makes you both happy...then ffs just go for it.
I think sometimes we forget this is only a part of our lives thst real life...and real feels... hapoen no matter where we find someone.
If they rock your world they blow your mind you can't think of anything but them...and they feel the same way too...
Just what is it you have to lose?
I kinda like happy endings as much as happy beginnings...
Life it's not that hard...neither is fab...do what makes you both happy xx
Im.like 90% sure im.just sex to him. A small compartmentalised part of his sex life. He has pretty much told me as such . Then he said the nicest things and i feel fucking stupid for believing them
if this is the vibe you get then id now say trust your gut - but still have a chat with him - men say the right things we want to hear and twist reality to fit who the hell they are chatting with at the time - "
Thats the vibe I get. He is genuinely a great person but I know I'm not the only person he is saying these things to! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Perhaps it's the incurable romantic in me but I read your thread and my first thought was...
And what's the problem?..
If it feels good if it's what you both want if it's what makes you both happy...then ffs just go for it.
I think sometimes we forget this is only a part of our lives thst real life...and real feels... hapoen no matter where we find someone.
If they rock your world they blow your mind you can't think of anything but them...and they feel the same way too...
Just what is it you have to lose?
I kinda like happy endings as much as happy beginnings...
Life it's not that hard...neither is fab...do what makes you both happy xx
Im.like 90% sure im.just sex to him. A small compartmentalised part of his sex life. He has pretty much told me as such . Then he said the nicest things and i feel fucking stupid for believing them
if this is the vibe you get then id now say trust your gut - but still have a chat with him - men say the right things we want to hear and twist reality to fit who the hell they are chatting with at the time - "
Not all men. And if I was lucky enough to find that one person who just got me got inside my head made me want to be a better person just because of who they were...then even I would come out of the man cave and risk having my heart broken for that chance.
It doesn't always have to end badly. It doesnt always have to end.
But if don't don't dare take thst chance it will just end.
Sometimes taking that risk is worth it.
Good luck OP. I hope your dreams do cone true...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would personally tell him you are considering backing off and the truthful reaason why. His reply will tell you all you need to know.... "
this.
Communication is the key! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I dont want anything . Beginning of the year came out an 11 year relationship. I'm good with the nsa stuff. It's just all the stuff inbetween that's getting to me. I'm not there yet. But if it carries on I can see myself there and potentially making an idiot of myself. So my thinking it was best to back off now! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Perhaps it's the incurable romantic in me but I read your thread and my first thought was...
And what's the problem?..
If it feels good if it's what you both want if it's what makes you both happy...then ffs just go for it.
I think sometimes we forget this is only a part of our lives thst real life...and real feels... hapoen no matter where we find someone.
If they rock your world they blow your mind you can't think of anything but them...and they feel the same way too...
Just what is it you have to lose?
I kinda like happy endings as much as happy beginnings...
Life it's not that hard...neither is fab...do what makes you both happy xx
Im.like 90% sure im.just sex to him. A small compartmentalised part of his sex life. He has pretty much told me as such . Then he said the nicest things and i feel fucking stupid for believing them "
He may mean them, but like the fwb relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Perhaps it's the incurable romantic in me but I read your thread and my first thought was...
And what's the problem?..
If it feels good if it's what you both want if it's what makes you both happy...then ffs just go for it.
I think sometimes we forget this is only a part of our lives thst real life...and real feels... hapoen no matter where we find someone.
If they rock your world they blow your mind you can't think of anything but them...and they feel the same way too...
Just what is it you have to lose?
I kinda like happy endings as much as happy beginnings...
Life it's not that hard...neither is fab...do what makes you both happy xx
Im.like 90% sure im.just sex to him. A small compartmentalised part of his sex life. He has pretty much told me as such . Then he said the nicest things and i feel fucking stupid for believing them
He may mean them, but like the fwb relationship. "
You are probably right..and it's just me reading into it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Perhaps it's the incurable romantic in me but I read your thread and my first thought was...
And what's the problem?..
If it feels good if it's what you both want if it's what makes you both happy...then ffs just go for it.
I think sometimes we forget this is only a part of our lives thst real life...and real feels... hapoen no matter where we find someone.
If they rock your world they blow your mind you can't think of anything but them...and they feel the same way too...
Just what is it you have to lose?
I kinda like happy endings as much as happy beginnings...
Life it's not that hard...neither is fab...do what makes you both happy xx
Im.like 90% sure im.just sex to him. A small compartmentalised part of his sex life. He has pretty much told me as such . Then he said the nicest things and i feel fucking stupid for believing them
if this is the vibe you get then id now say trust your gut - but still have a chat with him - men say the right things we want to hear and twist reality to fit who the hell they are chatting with at the time -
Thats the vibe I get. He is genuinely a great person but I know I'm not the only person he is saying these things to!"
How do you know he's saying them to other people? Maybe say something like "if you carry on saying stuff like that I'll think you really want me!" and see what he says. If he acts worried/ off, you can just laugh it off and say "ahhhh only joking, let's shag...!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dont want anything . Beginning of the year came out an 11 year relationship. I'm good with the nsa stuff. It's just all the stuff inbetween that's getting to me. I'm not there yet. But if it carries on I can see myself there and potentially making an idiot of myself. So my thinking it was best to back off now!"
Why do you think you will make an idiot of yourself?
It's your life and your choice. All we can do is offer opinion. The only one who feels this and can make a desicion is you.
It is never idiocy to believe to hope to trust or to risk it all in the hope of something that may change your world.
Only two people matter here you and your fwb. Running away guarantees only one thing...that you go in opposite directions.
I can't know if that is right for you only you know that.
My incurable romantic says follow your heart...
It's all any of us can do.
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"I would personally tell him you are considering backing off and the truthful reaason why. His reply will tell you all you need to know....
this.
Communication is the key!"
Agree.
Second guessing isn't the solution |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Perhaps it's the incurable romantic in me but I read your thread and my first thought was...
And what's the problem?..
If it feels good if it's what you both want if it's what makes you both happy...then ffs just go for it.
I think sometimes we forget this is only a part of our lives thst real life...and real feels... hapoen no matter where we find someone.
If they rock your world they blow your mind you can't think of anything but them...and they feel the same way too...
Just what is it you have to lose?
I kinda like happy endings as much as happy beginnings...
Life it's not that hard...neither is fab...do what makes you both happy xx
Im.like 90% sure im.just sex to him. A small compartmentalised part of his sex life. He has pretty much told me as such . Then he said the nicest things and i feel fucking stupid for believing them
if this is the vibe you get then id now say trust your gut - but still have a chat with him - men say the right things we want to hear and twist reality to fit who the hell they are chatting with at the time - "
Some people will even unconsciously, not necessarily deliberately, tell you what you want to hear to get a shag...maybe he even believes it at the time. Sorry to be so cynical but recent experience has taught me that lesson...I should know better at my age too! xx |
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By *ikeC81Man
over a year ago
harrow |
From a guys pint of view I haven't told anyone I have loved them for years.
I have told people I have liked them and I want to play with them but the L word never gets used
If the l feeling wasn't mutual then whilst it may hurt you have to be honest with him and say just nsa if not back off |
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"Perhaps it's the incurable romantic in me but I read your thread and my first thought was...
And what's the problem?..
If it feels good if it's what you both want if it's what makes you both happy...then ffs just go for it.
I think sometimes we forget this is only a part of our lives thst real life...and real feels... hapoen no matter where we find someone.
If they rock your world they blow your mind you can't think of anything but them...and they feel the same way too...
Just what is it you have to lose?
I kinda like happy endings as much as happy beginnings...
Life it's not that hard...neither is fab...do what makes you both happy xx
Im.like 90% sure im.just sex to him. A small compartmentalised part of his sex life. He has pretty much told me as such . Then he said the nicest things and i feel fucking stupid for believing them "
Believe his behaviour, not his words. Men become conditioned to say what they think we want to hear, and sometimes it is entirely inappropriate for their level of feeling for us - so it can get confusing. But their behaviour reveals all. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Ok. Enjoy the sex and just presume everything he says is bullshit.you can say nice things to people and mean it without it having to go any further. Im very fond of my friends"
Oh absolutely me too! And I say nice things to my friends! This is another level |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok. Enjoy the sex and just presume everything he says is bullshit.you can say nice things to people and mean it without it having to go any further. Im very fond of my friends
Oh absolutely me too! And I say nice things to my friends! This is another level "
If he's being really over the top about it that sounds a bit creepy, especially if you think he doesn't even mean it.
Have you asked him about it at all? |
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Just tell him you're having a mini break and reduce contact.
You can initiate it again when you're ready and make the most of the benefits but at arms length 