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Relationships with work colleagues
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Is it ever wise to tell a work colleague that you like them.
The person in question works in a completely different department in a different building.
I am unsure of his relationship status.
Not sure how I feel about making a move and possibly leave myself open to looking like a complete idiot.
Any suggestions on the best course of action and how I do this subtly would be gratefully appreciated.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had things with colleagues twice and both became very ugly situations.
I left the place of work with the first one and the second one was my subordinate so I sacked her. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't mix business and pleasure ever but a smile and a coffee invite is enough to see if he had a personality or just ask him for sex outright.
Skilled at communication me is."
How do I invite him out for coffee without looking like I have an ulterior motive?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I work in a rather large company and lots of relationships start there, the only time I recall it becoming ugly is when it was a love triangle.
As long as everyone behaves like adults and remains professional I don't see a problem.
I've had a few flings myself that have been discrete and it hasn't caused problems |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The guy in question seems a bit shy, but he recently came to our building to check our IT equipment and he did keep checking me out.
Just don't want to misread the situation and ask him out for coffee just for it to make things awkward.
He also lives round the corner to my work building! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't shit where you eat. And check your company's policy about dating colleagues.
You may if you judge it wrong end up being accused of sexual harassment. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Don't shit where you eat. And check your company's policy about dating colleagues.
You may if you judge it wrong end up being accused of sexual harassment. "
There has been many relationships between colleagues in my company.
Its generally the gossip going around the offices where I work lol.
If I was to end up in a relationship with this person I would definitely keep it discreet.
Question is...how do I invite said person to coffee when I don't know his r/ship status?!!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it ever wise to tell a work colleague that you like them.
The person in question works in a completely different department in a different building.
I am unsure of his relationship status.
Not sure how I feel about making a move and possibly leave myself open to looking like a complete idiot.
Any suggestions on the best course of action and how I do this subtly would be gratefully appreciated. "
Personally, I feel if you don't know someone well enough to know if they're even available yet, then you don't know them well enough to risk a professional work situation.
There's nothing stopping you becoming friends with a colleague. Launching from seeing him come and check out the IT (or the exposure you've had thus far) to telling him you like him, yet not knowing his availability sounds odd (to me). If I were the recipient of such an advance I'd also be thinking "how do you know you like me, you don't know me?". If someone had seen me about and reached out to get to know me, to socialise etc (whatever the longerterm intent) that would be welcomed and feel more authentic and if for any reason I felt they were having romantic feelings as we got to know each other and I didn't reciprocate, then I could put my boundaries in place with respect for them and keeping their dignity intact. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Is it ever wise to tell a work colleague that you like them.
The person in question works in a completely different department in a different building.
I am unsure of his relationship status.
Not sure how I feel about making a move and possibly leave myself open to looking like a complete idiot.
Any suggestions on the best course of action and how I do this subtly would be gratefully appreciated.
Personally, I feel if you don't know someone well enough to know if they're even available yet, then you don't know them well enough to risk a professional work situation.
There's nothing stopping you becoming friends with a colleague. Launching from seeing him come and check out the IT (or the exposure you've had thus far) to telling him you like him, yet not knowing his availability sounds odd (to me). If I were the recipient of such an advance I'd also be thinking "how do you know you like me, you don't know me?". If someone had seen me about and reached out to get to know me, to socialise etc (whatever the longerterm intent) that would be welcomed and feel more authentic and if for any reason I felt they were having romantic feelings as we got to know each other and I didn't reciprocate, then I could put my boundaries in place with respect for them and keeping their dignity intact."
This is very true. Thanks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The guy in question seems a bit shy, but he recently came to our building to check our IT equipment and he did keep checking me out.
Just don't want to misread the situation and ask him out for coffee just for it to make things awkward.
He also lives round the corner to my work building!"
So tell him he can examine your USB port anytime, or ask if his hard drive is big? ....
Ok ok corny I know but couldn't resist  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is it ever wise to tell a work colleague that you like them.
The person in question works in a completely different department in a different building.
I am unsure of his relationship status.
Not sure how I feel about making a move and possibly leave myself open to looking like a complete idiot.
Any suggestions on the best course of action and how I do this subtly would be gratefully appreciated.
Personally, I feel if you don't know someone well enough to know if they're even available yet, then you don't know them well enough to risk a professional work situation.
There's nothing stopping you becoming friends with a colleague. Launching from seeing him come and check out the IT (or the exposure you've had thus far) to telling him you like him, yet not knowing his availability sounds odd (to me). If I were the recipient of such an advance I'd also be thinking "how do you know you like me, you don't know me?". If someone had seen me about and reached out to get to know me, to socialise etc (whatever the longerterm intent) that would be welcomed and feel more authentic and if for any reason I felt they were having romantic feelings as we got to know each other and I didn't reciprocate, then I could put my boundaries in place with respect for them and keeping their dignity intact.
This is very true. Thanks"
Oh and in answer to your how do I invite someone to coffee, just invite them...if you make your focus friendship then it's no big deal. From friendship you can uncover the relationship status and get to know them, and weigh up the pros and cons of a work colleague relationship.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The guy in question seems a bit shy, but he recently came to our building to check our IT equipment and he did keep checking me out.
Just don't want to misread the situation and ask him out for coffee just for it to make things awkward.
He also lives round the corner to my work building!
So tell him he can examine your USB port anytime, or ask if his hard drive is big? ....
Ok ok corny I know but couldn't resist "
Love it! 
I'd be more than happy to check his hard drive |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When I fancied a guy at work I made sure the work gossip knew and she inevitably told him for me, probably to embarrass me but he liked me back shame he relocated, we had fun  "
I personally wouldn't want someone else to tell him I liked him.
As i previously stated he comes across as a bit shy and reserved.
The conversations we have had have just been general chit chat.
I know 100% he ain't got kids.
Some of my colleagues are aware I like someone but I won't disclose who, as I don't want it getting back to him and making him feel awkward.
Recently our IT systems where changed and there has been mega problems, so all the women I work with are currently visiting IT frequently, so I can't say anything.
I may have to schedule a casual visit in for when I know he's going to be there and try having a subtle flirt lol.
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"The guy in question seems a bit shy, but he recently came to our building to check our IT equipment and he did keep checking me out.
Just don't want to misread the situation and ask him out for coffee just for it to make things awkward.
He also lives round the corner to my work building!
So tell him he can examine your USB port anytime, or ask if his hard drive is big? ....
Ok ok corny I know but couldn't resist "
This might well work. Bit of light hearted innuendo then ask if they want to get a brew from the brew machine or kitchen. Chat a little then ask if they fanca a costa or starbucks or whatever. Then take it from there. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Organise a works night out and hope he comes along then make sure you sit next to him and chat"
Omg, absolutely not!
And I don't think he's the sort of guy who would want to hang out with work colleagues.
Most of his IT bods are proper arseholes! Lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I would always keep a 10 miles radius distance if possible..... work or home.... but some exceptions if played right
That's just one honest opinion "
Thanks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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no harm in talking and seeing how it goes - all very good whilst its flowing well - if it goes tits up then work becomes difficult - i personally wouldnt mix the two - saying that - work is where i met the ex - after a while i left to go elsewhere as didnt want it to be a 24 hour experience |
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"I wouldn't mix business and pleasure ever but a smile and a coffee invite is enough to see if he had a personality or just ask him for sex outright.
Skilled at communication me is.
How do I invite him out for coffee without looking like I have an ulterior motive? "
If he's an ict techie then an email will do. I don't know anything about you or him or where you work so any advice would be so generic to be virtually useless. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't mix business and pleasure ever but a smile and a coffee invite is enough to see if he had a personality or just ask him for sex outright.
Skilled at communication me is.
How do I invite him out for coffee without looking like I have an ulterior motive?
If he's an ict techie then an email will do. I don't know anything about you or him or where you work so any advice would be so generic to be virtually useless. "
Well with both work for a Local Authority. Clearly different departments. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've had things with colleagues twice and both became very ugly situations.
I left the place of work with the first one and the second one was my subordinate so I sacked her."
I work beside someone who is sleeping with our boss ... even before that ive always found her pretty impossible to get along with so i am kind of hoping she meets the same end tbh |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When I fancied a guy at work I made sure the work gossip knew and she inevitably told him for me, probably to embarrass me but he liked me back shame he relocated, we had fun
I personally wouldn't want someone else to tell him I liked him.
As i previously stated he comes across as a bit shy and reserved.
The conversations we have had have just been general chit chat.
I know 100% he ain't got kids.
Some of my colleagues are aware I like someone but I won't disclose who, as I don't want it getting back to him and making him feel awkward.
Recently our IT systems where changed and there has been mega problems, so all the women I work with are currently visiting IT frequently, so I can't say anything.
I may have to schedule a casual visit in for when I know he's going to be there and try having a subtle flirt lol.
"
I'd flirt when he's alone and see what he does. If he flirts back ask him if he fancies a coffee sometime.
Don't put it in an email as it could be used as evidence of sexual harassment. Don't tell anyone or it could end up as gossip.
I've been shagging a guy at work for over a year and no-one has the faintest idea! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People can't give you definitive answers, only their experiences.
It's like any relationship, you can fall for anyone anywhere and it requires effort and time.
But if it fails it can be very awkward if it's acrimonious. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've had things with colleagues twice and both became very ugly situations.
I left the place of work with the first one and the second one was my subordinate so I sacked her."
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would strongly recommend not flirting with him during work hours. As I said, if he takes it the wrong way he could accuse you of sexual harassment. I'd go with the suggestion of inviting him for coffee as a friend and getting to know him better. |
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"Go for it! Get him shagged!
Life's too short to worry about 'what ifs'.
And a job is just that. You can always get another one."
Deffo. Lots of people meet their long term partners at work so it's as likely to go well as it is to go badly. If it does go tits up then just be friendly after, no need for you to be enemies. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Never poke the payroll. I did, it was the best thing I ever did and I'll never regret it however it did end being very messy in the end and I ended up leaving. There are so many pros and cons. Go with you head not with your boobs ( don't actually think this is a saying but hopefully you get my drift ) |
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