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Zhang YuFen
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Aka "the concubine killer" is a bitter old chinese internet sensation you spends her time exposing men who have affairs. If you stick her nane into YouTube you'll see what i mean.
Anyway, this isn't another anti-cheater thread. The interesting thing is that in china, it seems 90% of the anger is directed at the mistress. Where as in the UK I'd say 80% of the anger would be directed at the man. I'm dwelling on what factors could account for such a difference... |
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"I thought it was always the woman's fault. "
Not that i approve but there are just websites stuffed full of videos of wives beating the crap out of mistresses. The mistresses seem to take it rather than right back too, i can't think why else wives would get the better of them every fight. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it's easier to blame the one you aren't attached to, I imagine trying to lay the blame on the 3rd party allows you to initially try and allay some of the hurt.
I don't know enough about the Chinese culture to take a guess at the difference, but I would have assumed the reactions to be the other way round and the Chinese to be more rational and blame the cheater and a more Jeremy Kyle reaction from the UK.
Ginger |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I thought it was always the woman's fault.
Not that i approve but there are just websites stuffed full of videos of wives beating the crap out of mistresses. The mistresses seem to take it rather than right back too, i can't think why else wives would get the better of them every fight. "
Websites where? China?
I think it's the married person's 'fault' not the single person. I find it very odd when the cheated on person blames the other person and not their own partner. |
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"I think it's easier to blame the one you aren't attached to, I imagine trying to lay the blame on the 3rd party allows you to initially try and allay some of the hurt.
I don't know enough about the Chinese culture to take a guess at the difference, but I would have assumed the reactions to be the other way round and the Chinese to be more rational and blame the cheater and a more Jeremy Kyle reaction from the UK.
Ginger"
Do you know about 'face' culture? - it's an asian thing, not specific to China, i think that might have something to do with it |
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"I thought it was always the woman's fault.
Not that i approve but there are just websites stuffed full of videos of wives beating the crap out of mistresses. The mistresses seem to take it rather than right back too, i can't think why else wives would get the better of them every fight.
Websites where? China?
I think it's the married person's 'fault' not the single person. I find it very odd when the cheated on person blames the other person and not their own partner. "
Yes mainly chinese websites but even some on YouTube too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i would imagine that as a womans position in China is very dependent on the man she is married too, its the only safe outlet!
most women wouldn't be able to risk their homes,families,jobs etc..better to have it out with a 'rival'..and keep your security! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it's easier to blame the one you aren't attached to, I imagine trying to lay the blame on the 3rd party allows you to initially try and allay some of the hurt.
I don't know enough about the Chinese culture to take a guess at the difference, but I would have assumed the reactions to be the other way round and the Chinese to be more rational and blame the cheater and a more Jeremy Kyle reaction from the UK.
Ginger
Do you know about 'face' culture? - it's an asian thing, not specific to China, i think that might have something to do with it"
I do now - you are quite the education 
That's what I was getting at just not as succinctly or eloquently |
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"I think it's easier to blame the one you aren't attached to, I imagine trying to lay the blame on the 3rd party allows you to initially try and allay some of the hurt.
I don't know enough about the Chinese culture to take a guess at the difference, but I would have assumed the reactions to be the other way round and the Chinese to be more rational and blame the cheater and a more Jeremy Kyle reaction from the UK.
Ginger
Do you know about 'face' culture? - it's an asian thing, not specific to China, i think that might have something to do with it
I do now - you are quite the education
That's what I was getting at just not as succinctly or eloquently "
Oh I'm far from an expert on 'saving face'! I get the general principle but the application is very confusing. There's a certain thai-British couple on here and I'm hoping they can help explain it! |
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"i would imagine that as a womans position in China is very dependent on the man she is married too, its the only safe outlet!
most women wouldn't be able to risk their homes,families,jobs etc..better to have it out with a 'rival'..and keep your security!"
Yes i think this is a factor too. I think it ties in with 'face' culture too. To acknowledge you have a bad husband actually makes you look bad too. I think. |
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"so to save face you ignore the person who actually cheated on you and twat your 'love' rival like a primitive baboon.
yeah, makes sense..."
That is my understanding, yes. The narrative that the woman led your husband astray is more face saving than alternative versions. |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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"so to save face you ignore the person who actually cheated on you and twat your 'love' rival like a primitive baboon.
yeah, makes sense...
That is my understanding, yes. The narrative that the woman led your husband astray is more face saving than alternative versions. "
haha, makes him sound like some moron who has no self restraint or respect for himself. i'd honestly be more embarrassed to have a husband like that.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"so to save face you ignore the person who actually cheated on you and twat your 'love' rival like a primitive baboon.
yeah, makes sense..."
always amazes me how many women do it in our culture!...but in china i would say its far more to do with holding onto your only means of survival...women arent 'worth' much ..and surviving as a lone female is very very difficult with no man to support you..its as much about saving your arse as saving face..there's a much wider family dynamic as well..its your entire community that you are saving face in front of.. |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"Aka "the concubine killer" is a bitter old chinese internet sensation you spends her time exposing men who have affairs. If you stick her nane into YouTube you'll see what i mean.
Anyway, this isn't another anti-cheater thread. The interesting thing is that in china, it seems 90% of the anger is directed at the mistress. Where as in the UK I'd say 80% of the anger would be directed at the man. I'm dwelling on what factors could account for such a difference... "
Sorry o this occasion I'll disagree, most always blame the female, hence why most women on here say no married/attached, even though they still try!  |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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"so to save face you ignore the person who actually cheated on you and twat your 'love' rival like a primitive baboon.
yeah, makes sense...
always amazes me how many women do it in our culture!...but in china i would say its far more to do with holding onto your only means of survival...women arent 'worth' much ..and surviving as a lone female is very very difficult with no man to support you..its as much about saving your arse as saving face..there's a much wider family dynamic as well..its your entire community that you are saving face in front of.."
sounds like they need feminism. that's shit though but it still makes the husband look like a spineless knob.
wonder how many men cheat knowing they can and there's fuck all will happen to them? bet it's loads. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"so to save face you ignore the person who actually cheated on you and twat your 'love' rival like a primitive baboon.
yeah, makes sense...
always amazes me how many women do it in our culture!...but in china i would say its far more to do with holding onto your only means of survival...women arent 'worth' much ..and surviving as a lone female is very very difficult with no man to support you..its as much about saving your arse as saving face..there's a much wider family dynamic as well..its your entire community that you are saving face in front of..
sounds like they need feminism. that's shit though but it still makes the husband look like a spineless knob.
wonder how many men cheat knowing they can and there's fuck all will happen to them? bet it's loads."
i wouldnt think there's much difference than in european culture..if not less there because the family pressure is greater than we have in our culture now.. |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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"so to save face you ignore the person who actually cheated on you and twat your 'love' rival like a primitive baboon.
yeah, makes sense...
always amazes me how many women do it in our culture!...but in china i would say its far more to do with holding onto your only means of survival...women arent 'worth' much ..and surviving as a lone female is very very difficult with no man to support you..its as much about saving your arse as saving face..there's a much wider family dynamic as well..its your entire community that you are saving face in front of..
sounds like they need feminism. that's shit though but it still makes the husband look like a spineless knob.
wonder how many men cheat knowing they can and there's fuck all will happen to them? bet it's loads.
i wouldnt think there's much difference than in european culture..if not less there because the family pressure is greater than we have in our culture now.."
hmm yeah. even if he doesn't get blamed bet his family (and especially the wifes family) aren't happy and things become uncomfortable for him on a more private level. |
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In western culture it's common to refer to a husband being "stolen" and for wronged wives to call their husband's lovers every name under the sun and blame them for the man's indiscretion. How could they take them back if they were responsible for their actions?
It seems to me that women are still held responsible for men's transgressions and failure to control themselves...mostly by other women.
So I disagree that 80% in the UK would blame the man. Although I'm prepared to consider that the age of my peers might have some bearing on my opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Also it's quite common for people to wonder what the woman did wrong that caused her husband to be lured away by the siren call of a mistress."
completely agree with both your posts...think the 80% figure is rubbish...never seen any evidence of that, only the opposite...stupid cat fights over some knuckle dragging oaf! |
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"Aka "the concubine killer" is a bitter old chinese internet sensation you spends her time exposing men who have affairs. If you stick her nane into YouTube you'll see what i mean.
Anyway, this isn't another anti-cheater thread. The interesting thing is that in china, it seems 90% of the anger is directed at the mistress. Where as in the UK I'd say 80% of the anger would be directed at the man. I'm dwelling on what factors could account for such a difference...
Sorry o this occasion I'll disagree, most always blame the female, hence why most women on here say no married/attached, even though they still try! "
But i think in the UK if a mistress phoned up a wife and said "look im sorry but I've been having an affair with your husband, he told me he wasn't married" then i think most wives would say "ok well thanks for telling me and ending it" then direct their anger towards the husband - no? |
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"Also it's quite common for people to wonder what the woman did wrong that caused her husband to be lured away by the siren call of a mistress.
completely agree with both your posts...think the 80% figure is rubbish...never seen any evidence of that, only the opposite...stupid cat fights over some knuckle dragging oaf!"
Fair enough, that was just my personal experience rather than any actual research. Interesting to hear the other view points. |
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"Also it's quite common for people to wonder what the woman did wrong that caused her husband to be lured away by the siren call of a mistress.
completely agree with both your posts...think the 80% figure is rubbish...never seen any evidence of that, only the opposite...stupid cat fights over some knuckle dragging oaf!
Fair enough, that was just my personal experience rather than any actual research. Interesting to hear the other view points. "
There was a recent thread we both posted on in which a woman was quite clearly being blamed for unspecified problems in her relationship. I think that was typical of the attitude of society still.
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"Also it's quite common for people to wonder what the woman did wrong that caused her husband to be lured away by the siren call of a mistress.
completely agree with both your posts...think the 80% figure is rubbish...never seen any evidence of that, only the opposite...stupid cat fights over some knuckle dragging oaf!
Fair enough, that was just my personal experience rather than any actual research. Interesting to hear the other view points.
There was a recent thread we both posted on in which a woman was quite clearly being blamed for unspecified problems in her relationship. I think that was typical of the attitude of society still.
"
I don't think that was typical. In any story somewhere between 1-99% of the blame can be apportioned to either side (never 0%, never 100%). In my social circles i think the default position would be to direct anger towards the men, but i am rethinking it now... |
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Ok so thinking about it more, i think british wives would still direct most of their anger towards the husband rather than the mistress. But i do agree that neutral third parties would be far more balanced and probably assume some fault on behalf of the wife too. |
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I think very few relationship break downs are just one person's fault.
I do think people will blame the other person (nobody wants to admit they're at fault I guess) and possibly to avoid admitting that the person they love would betray them will put the blame at one remove by blaming the other woman or man.
I don't know. People are funny and will go to great lengths to conceal the truth from themselves to maintain their version of reality. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok so thinking about it more, i think british wives would still direct most of their anger towards the husband rather than the mistress. But i do agree that neutral third parties would be far more balanced and probably assume some fault on behalf of the wife too. "
i think it's pretty common,seen loads of comments on here, that suggest that if a man strays its automatically the wife's fault somehow...but in personal experience, i've seen numerous men cheat just because theyre cheats..weak little egotists that need constant reassurance they are irresistible |
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"I think very few relationship break downs are just one person's fault.
I do think people will blame the other person (nobody wants to admit they're at fault I guess) and possibly to avoid admitting that the person they love would betray them will put the blame at one remove by blaming the other woman or man.
I don't know. People are funny and will go to great lengths to conceal the truth from themselves to maintain their version of reality."
I emphatically agree with the last statement. Do you think this has gotten worse, not changed much or better in recent years compared to any comparison point you want to choose? |
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"Ok so thinking about it more, i think british wives would still direct most of their anger towards the husband rather than the mistress. But i do agree that neutral third parties would be far more balanced and probably assume some fault on behalf of the wife too.
i think it's pretty common,seen loads of comments on here, that suggest that if a man strays its automatically the wife's fault somehow...but in personal experience, i've seen numerous men cheat just because theyre cheats..weak little egotists that need constant reassurance they are irresistible"
I know what you mean but everyone likes to feel desired |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
I asked my Mrs and she said that in Asia that the anger would indeed be directed at the mistress rather than the husband. She said its because the other woman should have checked if he was married or not first, and that the mistress is an outsider who is trying to break up the family.
In Asia much more emphasis is placed on the family, so perhaps protecting that family unit is more highly valued.
In western culture I would say that divorce is expected if a husband cheats, much more so than reconciliation. I think in western culture the wife would be seen as weak and having had been humiliated if she were to stay. Perhaps in Asia divorce would be seen as a greater humiliation. |
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"I asked my Mrs and she said that in Asia that the anger would indeed be directed at the mistress rather than the husband. She said its because the other woman should have checked if he was married or not first, and that the mistress is an outsider who is trying to break up the family.
In Asia much more emphasis is placed on the family, so perhaps protecting that family unit is more highly valued.
In western culture I would say that divorce is expected if a husband cheats, much more so than reconciliation. I think in western culture the wife would be seen as weak and having had been humiliated if she were to stay. Perhaps in Asia divorce would be seen as a greater humiliation. "
Interesting, thanks. Do you think face plays a role? I asked my wife and she said "the husband and wife are a team, if you make the husband look bad the you make yourself look bad" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok so thinking about it more, i think british wives would still direct most of their anger towards the husband rather than the mistress. But i do agree that neutral third parties would be far more balanced and probably assume some fault on behalf of the wife too.
i think it's pretty common,seen loads of comments on here, that suggest that if a man strays its automatically the wife's fault somehow...but in personal experience, i've seen numerous men cheat just because theyre cheats..weak little egotists that need constant reassurance they are irresistible
I know what you mean but everyone likes to feel desired"
of course it is, but it's just a bit spineless and pathetic to need to constantly chase a fuck to feel validated.. |
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"Ok so thinking about it more, i think british wives would still direct most of their anger towards the husband rather than the mistress. But i do agree that neutral third parties would be far more balanced and probably assume some fault on behalf of the wife too.
i think it's pretty common,seen loads of comments on here, that suggest that if a man strays its automatically the wife's fault somehow...but in personal experience, i've seen numerous men cheat just because theyre cheats..weak little egotists that need constant reassurance they are irresistible
I know what you mean but everyone likes to feel desired
of course it is, but it's just a bit spineless and pathetic to need to constantly chase a fuck to feel validated.."
To be honest i do it. It's very hard to change beliefs that were impressed upon you in formative years. |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
"Ok so thinking about it more, i think british wives would still direct most of their anger towards the husband rather than the mistress. But i do agree that neutral third parties would be far more balanced and probably assume some fault on behalf of the wife too.
i think it's pretty common,seen loads of comments on here, that suggest that if a man strays its automatically the wife's fault somehow...but in personal experience, i've seen numerous men cheat just because theyre cheats..weak little egotists that need constant reassurance they are irresistible
I know what you mean but everyone likes to feel desired
of course it is, but it's just a bit spineless and pathetic to need to constantly chase a fuck to feel validated.."
Maybe they are not feeling validated at home? |
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"I think very few relationship break downs are just one person's fault.
I do think people will blame the other person (nobody wants to admit they're at fault I guess) and possibly to avoid admitting that the person they love would betray them will put the blame at one remove by blaming the other woman or man.
I don't know. People are funny and will go to great lengths to conceal the truth from themselves to maintain their version of reality.
I emphatically agree with the last statement. Do you think this has gotten worse, not changed much or better in recent years compared to any comparison point you want to choose? "
I don't think it's changed much because it's part of the human condition.
I knew women in my twenties who insisted their partners loved them in the face of incontrovertible evidence to the contrary, I know women now I'm 60 who are the same. I think we all to an extent shore up the establishments version of reality and always have done. |
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"I think very few relationship break downs are just one person's fault.
I do think people will blame the other person (nobody wants to admit they're at fault I guess) and possibly to avoid admitting that the person they love would betray them will put the blame at one remove by blaming the other woman or man.
I don't know. People are funny and will go to great lengths to conceal the truth from themselves to maintain their version of reality.
I emphatically agree with the last statement. Do you think this has gotten worse, not changed much or better in recent years compared to any comparison point you want to choose?
I don't think it's changed much because it's part of the human condition.
I knew women in my twenties who insisted their partners loved them in the face of incontrovertible evidence to the contrary, I know women now I'm 60 who are the same. I think we all to an extent shore up the establishments version of reality and always have done."
Interesting. I think the internet enables you to see more delusional and stupid people than before. But that doesn't mean there are more of them! |
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"I think very few relationship break downs are just one person's fault.
I do think people will blame the other person (nobody wants to admit they're at fault I guess) and possibly to avoid admitting that the person they love would betray them will put the blame at one remove by blaming the other woman or man.
I don't know. People are funny and will go to great lengths to conceal the truth from themselves to maintain their version of reality.
I emphatically agree with the last statement. Do you think this has gotten worse, not changed much or better in recent years compared to any comparison point you want to choose?
I don't think it's changed much because it's part of the human condition.
I knew women in my twenties who insisted their partners loved them in the face of incontrovertible evidence to the contrary, I know women now I'm 60 who are the same. I think we all to an extent shore up the establishments version of reality and always have done.
Interesting. I think the internet enables you to see more delusional and stupid people than before. But that doesn't mean there are more of them! "
Yep. To me though there do seem to be many more delusional people in the public eye. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i honestly don't see how letting someone have a diddle with your genitals is validating in any way?"
exactly! seems very lacking in any self worth to me.. |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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"i honestly don't see how letting someone have a diddle with your genitals is validating in any way?
Some people mistake sex for love and intimacy. "
suppose it could take your mind off things as well? the buzz of sex/dopamine flood. |
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"i honestly don't see how letting someone have a diddle with your genitals is validating in any way?"
When i was a teenger then pretty much all your social worth was wrapped up in your success rate with girls. To be a virgin meant you were a complete fucking failure and to get a girl to fuck you meant you were a king. Immature - yes. Am i still a teenager - no. But it's hard to shake the feeling. It's similar to adults who eat sweets or chocolate as a reward just like their parents used to give to them. |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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"i honestly don't see how letting someone have a diddle with your genitals is validating in any way?
exactly! seems very lacking in any self worth to me.."
does make me feel the opposite, like i'm only good enough as some genitals and nothing else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just guessing but is it to do with China's one child policy? You were "punished" if you had more than one child in China if a girl was born then they were often abandoned or even killed because a boy were valued more. Consequently, I believe, men far out way women so a women shouldn't have to cheat with an other's husband because there's plenty to go around? Opposite of Fab really.
Sorry, bit long winded but tis late and I'm tired!! |
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"i honestly don't see how letting someone have a diddle with your genitals is validating in any way?
Some people mistake sex for love and intimacy.
suppose it could take your mind off things as well? the buzz of sex/dopamine flood."
Yeah. It's transient though. |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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"i honestly don't see how letting someone have a diddle with your genitals is validating in any way?
When i was a teenger then pretty much all your social worth was wrapped up in your success rate with girls. To be a virgin meant you were a complete fucking failure and to get a girl to fuck you meant you were a king. Immature - yes. Am i still a teenager - no. But it's hard to shake the feeling. It's similar to adults who eat sweets or chocolate as a reward just like their parents used to give to them. "
it wasn't like that for girls luckily. well not round here anyway. i have heard guys saying they feel pressured not to be virgins though, but seeing as women are slut shamed into keeping theirs i don't know how you could ever become a 'success' really if you think about it. |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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"i honestly don't see how letting someone have a diddle with your genitals is validating in any way?
Some people mistake sex for love and intimacy.
suppose it could take your mind off things as well? the buzz of sex/dopamine flood.
Yeah. It's transient though."
especially the more you do it. |
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"Just guessing but is it to do with China's one child policy? You were "punished" if you had more than one child in China if a girl was born then they were often abandoned or even killed because a boy were valued more. Consequently, I believe, men far out way women so a women shouldn't have to cheat with an other's husband because there's plenty to go around? Opposite of Fab really.
Sorry, bit long winded but tis late and I'm tired!! "
I don't really agree to be honest, but interesting suggestion all the same. Firstly, east and west china are very different and China has 30-odd provinces that all applied rules slightly differently. The real appeal of boys was that frankly they make better farm workers so in the west they quickly relaxed the one child policy so you can have another child if your first was a girl. Secondly, in the east i would say that if anything girls were valued more because they are seen as a better bet to take care of you in old age, that's a big bonus in a country with no real welfare system. There are more men than women but then men having these affairs are generally rich and the mistresses are largely doing it for the money, these are not on the whole love affairs! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"so to save face you ignore the person who actually cheated on you and twat your 'love' rival like a primitive baboon.
yeah, makes sense...
always amazes me how many women do it in our culture!...but in china i would say its far more to do with holding onto your only means of survival...women arent 'worth' much ..and surviving as a lone female is very very difficult with no man to support you..its as much about saving your arse as saving face..there's a much wider family dynamic as well..its your entire community that you are saving face in front of..
sounds like they need feminism. that's shit though but it still makes the husband look like a spineless knob.
wonder how many men cheat knowing they can and there's fuck all will happen to them? bet it's loads."
It makes good sense. The wife protects her family. From vultures and hyenas. If another woman comes closer, the wife deals with her... It keeps the predator away and the man's penis either in his pants or in his wife's privates only. |
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"i honestly don't see how letting someone have a diddle with your genitals is validating in any way?
When i was a teenger then pretty much all your social worth was wrapped up in your success rate with girls. To be a virgin meant you were a complete fucking failure and to get a girl to fuck you meant you were a king. Immature - yes. Am i still a teenager - no. But it's hard to shake the feeling. It's similar to adults who eat sweets or chocolate as a reward just like their parents used to give to them.
it wasn't like that for girls luckily. well not round here anyway. i have heard guys saying they feel pressured not to be virgins though, but seeing as women are slut shamed into keeping theirs i don't know how you could ever become a 'success' really if you think about it."
Most slut shaming is done by women towards other women. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just guessing but is it to do with China's one child policy? You were "punished" if you had more than one child in China if a girl was born then they were often abandoned or even killed because a boy were valued more. Consequently, I believe, men far out way women so a women shouldn't have to cheat with an other's husband because there's plenty to go around? Opposite of Fab really.
Sorry, bit long winded but tis late and I'm tired!! "
This supposed punishment in China is a bit exaggerated. The one child policy has more to do with lesser support than with actual punishment.
It looks like our Government has taken lessons from China when they changed giving state handouts to families . For up to 2 children only. Unless the 3rd child is a result of ra.p.e... Fucking insensitive to ask a mother to state this on an application form! |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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"i honestly don't see how letting someone have a diddle with your genitals is validating in any way?
When i was a teenger then pretty much all your social worth was wrapped up in your success rate with girls. To be a virgin meant you were a complete fucking failure and to get a girl to fuck you meant you were a king. Immature - yes. Am i still a teenager - no. But it's hard to shake the feeling. It's similar to adults who eat sweets or chocolate as a reward just like their parents used to give to them.
it wasn't like that for girls luckily. well not round here anyway. i have heard guys saying they feel pressured not to be virgins though, but seeing as women are slut shamed into keeping theirs i don't know how you could ever become a 'success' really if you think about it.
Most slut shaming is done by women towards other women. "
tbh when i was a kid slut shaming was totally weird. you were a slag if you didn't have sex with a guy that wanted sex with you (the guys called you one) and the women called you one if their boyfriend fancied you. |
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"i honestly don't see how letting someone have a diddle with your genitals is validating in any way?
When i was a teenger then pretty much all your social worth was wrapped up in your success rate with girls. To be a virgin meant you were a complete fucking failure and to get a girl to fuck you meant you were a king. Immature - yes. Am i still a teenager - no. But it's hard to shake the feeling. It's similar to adults who eat sweets or chocolate as a reward just like their parents used to give to them.
it wasn't like that for girls luckily. well not round here anyway. i have heard guys saying they feel pressured not to be virgins though, but seeing as women are slut shamed into keeping theirs i don't know how you could ever become a 'success' really if you think about it.
Most slut shaming is done by women towards other women.
tbh when i was a kid slut shaming was totally weird. you were a slag if you didn't have sex with a guy that wanted sex with you (the guys called you one) and the women called you one if their boyfriend fancied you."
This was more the reaction you'd get at my school: https://youtu.be/flKinf6piiE |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i honestly don't see how letting someone have a diddle with your genitals is validating in any way?
When i was a teenger then pretty much all your social worth was wrapped up in your success rate with girls. To be a virgin meant you were a complete fucking failure and to get a girl to fuck you meant you were a king. Immature - yes. Am i still a teenager - no. But it's hard to shake the feeling. It's similar to adults who eat sweets or chocolate as a reward just like their parents used to give to them.
it wasn't like that for girls luckily. well not round here anyway. i have heard guys saying they feel pressured not to be virgins though, but seeing as women are slut shamed into keeping theirs i don't know how you could ever become a 'success' really if you think about it.
Most slut shaming is done by women towards other women. "
i cant agree with that at all...it's very clear the whole madonna/whore complex is alive and well.. and i think that although women can be responsible as well, it's far more men who still judge women in terms of how they conduct their sex lives. |
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"i honestly don't see how letting someone have a diddle with your genitals is validating in any way?
When i was a teenger then pretty much all your social worth was wrapped up in your success rate with girls. To be a virgin meant you were a complete fucking failure and to get a girl to fuck you meant you were a king. Immature - yes. Am i still a teenager - no. But it's hard to shake the feeling. It's similar to adults who eat sweets or chocolate as a reward just like their parents used to give to them.
it wasn't like that for girls luckily. well not round here anyway. i have heard guys saying they feel pressured not to be virgins though, but seeing as women are slut shamed into keeping theirs i don't know how you could ever become a 'success' really if you think about it.
Most slut shaming is done by women towards other women.
i cant agree with that at all...it's very clear the whole madonna/whore complex is alive and well.. and i think that although women can be responsible as well, it's far more men who still judge women in terms of how they conduct their sex lives."
Well I'd encourage you to read the studies that prove it like Armstrong and Hamilton: “Good Girls” Gender, Social Class, and Slut Discourse on Campus.
Slut shaming comes more from women because:
a) men love sluts
b) wives feel threatened by sluts
No crime without motive |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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lol, i miss south park even though it probably isn't that funny any more.
that's just it, if you're supposed to be a stud how can you be one without the sluts?
think i'm off to bed soon, well tired here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just guessing but is it to do with China's one child policy? You were "punished" if you had more than one child in China if a girl was born then they were often abandoned or even killed because a boy were valued more. Consequently, I believe, men far out way women so a women shouldn't have to cheat with an other's husband because there's plenty to go around? Opposite of Fab really.
Sorry, bit long winded but tis late and I'm tired!!
I don't really agree to be honest, but interesting suggestion all the same. Firstly, east and west china are very different and China has 30-odd provinces that all applied rules slightly differently. The real appeal of boys was that frankly they make better farm workers so in the west they quickly relaxed the one child policy so you can have another child if your first was a girl. Secondly, in the east i would say that if anything girls were valued more because they are seen as a better bet to take care of you in old age, that's a big bonus in a country with no real welfare system. There are more men than women but then men having these affairs are generally rich and the mistresses are largely doing it for the money, these are not on the whole love affairs! "
Really? As I said I was purely speculating. Didn't know anyway near as much as you obviously do, found what you said interesting. |
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"lol, i miss south park even though it probably isn't that funny any more.
that's just it, if you're supposed to be a stud how can you be one without the sluts?
think i'm off to bed soon, well tired here."
You can't. Hence why i said - men love sluts |
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"i honestly don't see how letting someone have a diddle with your genitals is validating in any way?
Some people mistake sex for love and intimacy.
suppose it could take your mind off things as well? the buzz of sex/dopamine flood.
Yeah. It's transient though.
especially the more you do it."
I find it interesting when reading threads about people in sexless marriages. What comes across again and again is how much the person misses intimacy. Trying to find that via casual sex is another way of deluding oneself I think.. |
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"lol, i miss south park even though it probably isn't that funny any more.
that's just it, if you're supposed to be a stud how can you be one without the sluts?
think i'm off to bed soon, well tired here.
You can't. Hence why i said - men love sluts"
Yeah but they don't want to take one home to their mum. |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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"lol, i miss south park even though it probably isn't that funny any more.
that's just it, if you're supposed to be a stud how can you be one without the sluts?
think i'm off to bed soon, well tired here.
You can't. Hence why i said - men love sluts"
not sure many do tbh. they might have the horn for us, or even sexual infatuation, but not love. |
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"Just guessing but is it to do with China's one child policy? You were "punished" if you had more than one child in China if a girl was born then they were often abandoned or even killed because a boy were valued more. Consequently, I believe, men far out way women so a women shouldn't have to cheat with an other's husband because there's plenty to go around? Opposite of Fab really.
Sorry, bit long winded but tis late and I'm tired!!
I don't really agree to be honest, but interesting suggestion all the same. Firstly, east and west china are very different and China has 30-odd provinces that all applied rules slightly differently. The real appeal of boys was that frankly they make better farm workers so in the west they quickly relaxed the one child policy so you can have another child if your first was a girl. Secondly, in the east i would say that if anything girls were valued more because they are seen as a better bet to take care of you in old age, that's a big bonus in a country with no real welfare system. There are more men than women but then men having these affairs are generally rich and the mistresses are largely doing it for the money, these are not on the whole love affairs!
Really? As I said I was purely speculating. Didn't know anyway near as much as you obviously do, found what you said interesting. "
When i first visited china the main thing that shocked me how it was nothing like the BBC narrative of it.
If a baby got abandoned and happened to be a girl then a foreign journalist assumes the parents were a married couple who wanted a boy. Actually it's far more likely the mother was unmarried and from a poor countryside family and the father wouldn't support her. It's dangerous to project our own assumptions about peoples motivations to a country that has no welfare safety net. |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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"i honestly don't see how letting someone have a diddle with your genitals is validating in any way?
Some people mistake sex for love and intimacy.
suppose it could take your mind off things as well? the buzz of sex/dopamine flood.
Yeah. It's transient though.
especially the more you do it.
I find it interesting when reading threads about people in sexless marriages. What comes across again and again is how much the person misses intimacy. Trying to find that via casual sex is another way of deluding oneself I think.."
or they don't think of any other types of intimacy or make the effort to have them with their partner.
intimacy is a nicer way of saying sex really and makes a cheater look better.
it's why i avoid people who use words like that, and tactile. they use them in totally the wrong way to romanticise sex or cheating. i think they know what they're doing as well. |
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"lol, i miss south park even though it probably isn't that funny any more.
that's just it, if you're supposed to be a stud how can you be one without the sluts?
think i'm off to bed soon, well tired here.
You can't. Hence why i said - men love sluts
Yeah but they don't want to take one home to their mum."
I think the Madonna-whore complex is massively overblown. Yes i know guys who suffer from it, but they are less than half the guys i know. At the end of the day, on average - men come out of divorce worse than women. So few men are going to marry a woman just to please other people if it's going to cost them a house and 15% of all their future income for child support. |
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"Its odd. Ive never been slut shamed and i was doing far more than the other girls at school. Also guys where quite happy to go out with me knowing my sexual history. Dont know why that was"
I'll say it again - men love sluts  |
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"i honestly don't see how letting someone have a diddle with your genitals is validating in any way?
Some people mistake sex for love and intimacy.
suppose it could take your mind off things as well? the buzz of sex/dopamine flood.
Yeah. It's transient though.
especially the more you do it.
I find it interesting when reading threads about people in sexless marriages. What comes across again and again is how much the person misses intimacy. Trying to find that via casual sex is another way of deluding oneself I think..
or they don't think of any other types of intimacy or make the effort to have them with their partner.
intimacy is a nicer way of saying sex really and makes a cheater look better.
it's why i avoid people who use words like that, and tactile. they use them in totally the wrong way to romanticise sex or cheating. i think they know what they're doing as well."
I don't think they mean the actual sex, I think they mean the emotion that goes with it. To my mind that can only ever be an illusion with a casual contact. I suspect it leaves people emptier rather than filling a void if that's what they seek.
I agree with your other points though. I take a fair bit of stick because I won't passionately kiss a casual partner. People often say its because I'm afraid of intimacy but I think that a lot of people need an illusion of intimacy to justify the fact that they're fucking strangers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just guessing but is it to do with China's one child policy? You were "punished" if you had more than one child in China if a girl was born then they were often abandoned or even killed because a boy were valued more. Consequently, I believe, men far out way women so a women shouldn't have to cheat with an other's husband because there's plenty to go around? Opposite of Fab really.
Sorry, bit long winded but tis late and I'm tired!!
I don't really agree to be honest, but interesting suggestion all the same. Firstly, east and west china are very different and China has 30-odd provinces that all applied rules slightly differently. The real appeal of boys was that frankly they make better farm workers so in the west they quickly relaxed the one child policy so you can have another child if your first was a girl. Secondly, in the east i would say that if anything girls were valued more because they are seen as a better bet to take care of you in old age, that's a big bonus in a country with no real welfare system. There are more men than women but then men having these affairs are generally rich and the mistresses are largely doing it for the money, these are not on the whole love affairs!
Really? As I said I was purely speculating. Didn't know anyway near as much as you obviously do, found what you said interesting.
When i first visited china the main thing that shocked me how it was nothing like the BBC narrative of it.
If a baby got abandoned and happened to be a girl then a foreign journalist assumes the parents were a married couple who wanted a boy. Actually it's far more likely the mother was unmarried and from a poor countryside family and the father wouldn't support her. It's dangerous to project our own assumptions about peoples motivations to a country that has no welfare safety net. "
Seeing that you know quite a bit about China and from previous exchange with you, I know that you've traveled to Asia and Australia... How does a country with limited or no welfare system tax its residents? Are taxes lower than in western countries? Sorry if I'm hijacking the thread but you have now blocked my gender so I cannot pm you. |
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"i honestly don't see how letting someone have a diddle with your genitals is validating in any way?
Some people mistake sex for love and intimacy.
suppose it could take your mind off things as well? the buzz of sex/dopamine flood.
Yeah. It's transient though.
especially the more you do it.
I find it interesting when reading threads about people in sexless marriages. What comes across again and again is how much the person misses intimacy. Trying to find that via casual sex is another way of deluding oneself I think..
or they don't think of any other types of intimacy or make the effort to have them with their partner.
intimacy is a nicer way of saying sex really and makes a cheater look better.
it's why i avoid people who use words like that, and tactile. they use them in totally the wrong way to romanticise sex or cheating. i think they know what they're doing as well.
I don't think they mean the actual sex, I think they mean the emotion that goes with it. To my mind that can only ever be an illusion with a casual contact. I suspect it leaves people emptier rather than filling a void if that's what they seek.
I agree with your other points though. I take a fair bit of stick because I won't passionately kiss a casual partner. People often say its because I'm afraid of intimacy but I think that a lot of people need an illusion of intimacy to justify the fact that they're fucking strangers."
I don't feel a need to justify it, i just don't see myself as a monogamous person so fucking strangers doesn't seem odd to me. I'm very tactile though and can be very affectionate to people I've just met, when i meet a women who is the same it's mind blowingly good. As well as ball blowingly good. Different horses for different courses. |
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"lol, i miss south park even though it probably isn't that funny any more.
that's just it, if you're supposed to be a stud how can you be one without the sluts?
think i'm off to bed soon, well tired here.
You can't. Hence why i said - men love sluts
Yeah but they don't want to take one home to their mum.
I think the Madonna-whore complex is massively overblown. Yes i know guys who suffer from it, but they are less than half the guys i know. At the end of the day, on average - men come out of divorce worse than women. So few men are going to marry a woman just to please other people if it's going to cost them a house and 15% of all their future income for child support. "
Leaving aside the fact that a man would be supporting his child whether he was divorced or not I thinks its probably a generational thing. Mr N was more than happy to marry me despite his mum not being too keen at first but many of the men I grew up with wanted a nice girl on their arm when they went to tea at their mum's. I'm aware though that this might have changed. |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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"i honestly don't see how letting someone have a diddle with your genitals is validating in any way?
Some people mistake sex for love and intimacy.
suppose it could take your mind off things as well? the buzz of sex/dopamine flood.
Yeah. It's transient though.
especially the more you do it.
I find it interesting when reading threads about people in sexless marriages. What comes across again and again is how much the person misses intimacy. Trying to find that via casual sex is another way of deluding oneself I think..
or they don't think of any other types of intimacy or make the effort to have them with their partner.
intimacy is a nicer way of saying sex really and makes a cheater look better.
it's why i avoid people who use words like that, and tactile. they use them in totally the wrong way to romanticise sex or cheating. i think they know what they're doing as well.
I don't think they mean the actual sex, I think they mean the emotion that goes with it. To my mind that can only ever be an illusion with a casual contact. I suspect it leaves people emptier rather than filling a void if that's what they seek.
I agree with your other points though. I take a fair bit of stick because I won't passionately kiss a casual partner. People often say its because I'm afraid of intimacy but I think that a lot of people need an illusion of intimacy to justify the fact that they're fucking strangers."
that's a good point, i understand where the delusion can come in and maybe all i say next applies to that too, with a but.
to me. intimacy is sharing something meaningful, and even sex can do that. but-
i think people looking for something that is non-commital and not with the intention of forming attachments is never going to be intimate. so they won't get that intimacy and i really don't think they are looking for anything meaningful either or they'd put themselves in the position to find that before cheating. |
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"Just guessing but is it to do with China's one child policy? You were "punished" if you had more than one child in China if a girl was born then they were often abandoned or even killed because a boy were valued more. Consequently, I believe, men far out way women so a women shouldn't have to cheat with an other's husband because there's plenty to go around? Opposite of Fab really.
Sorry, bit long winded but tis late and I'm tired!!
I don't really agree to be honest, but interesting suggestion all the same. Firstly, east and west china are very different and China has 30-odd provinces that all applied rules slightly differently. The real appeal of boys was that frankly they make better farm workers so in the west they quickly relaxed the one child policy so you can have another child if your first was a girl. Secondly, in the east i would say that if anything girls were valued more because they are seen as a better bet to take care of you in old age, that's a big bonus in a country with no real welfare system. There are more men than women but then men having these affairs are generally rich and the mistresses are largely doing it for the money, these are not on the whole love affairs!
Really? As I said I was purely speculating. Didn't know anyway near as much as you obviously do, found what you said interesting.
When i first visited china the main thing that shocked me how it was nothing like the BBC narrative of it.
If a baby got abandoned and happened to be a girl then a foreign journalist assumes the parents were a married couple who wanted a boy. Actually it's far more likely the mother was unmarried and from a poor countryside family and the father wouldn't support her. It's dangerous to project our own assumptions about peoples motivations to a country that has no welfare safety net.
Seeing that you know quite a bit about China and from previous exchange with you, I know that you've traveled to Asia and Australia... How does a country with limited or no welfare system tax its residents? Are taxes lower than in western countries? Sorry if I'm hijacking the thread but you have now blocked my gender so I cannot pm you. "
They have much lower taxes than europe. The difference is that our politicians keep tinkering with individual taxes to pretend they are lowering them, but the metric that betrays them is the tax to GDP ratio which is around 36% here. Compare that to 28% in china and that's a big difference when you get down to the individual level. Thailand - 17%, South Korea - 26% vrs Germany 41%, Sweden 46% and France 48%  |
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"i honestly don't see how letting someone have a diddle with your genitals is validating in any way?
Some people mistake sex for love and intimacy.
suppose it could take your mind off things as well? the buzz of sex/dopamine flood.
Yeah. It's transient though.
especially the more you do it.
I find it interesting when reading threads about people in sexless marriages. What comes across again and again is how much the person misses intimacy. Trying to find that via casual sex is another way of deluding oneself I think..
or they don't think of any other types of intimacy or make the effort to have them with their partner.
intimacy is a nicer way of saying sex really and makes a cheater look better.
it's why i avoid people who use words like that, and tactile. they use them in totally the wrong way to romanticise sex or cheating. i think they know what they're doing as well.
I don't think they mean the actual sex, I think they mean the emotion that goes with it. To my mind that can only ever be an illusion with a casual contact. I suspect it leaves people emptier rather than filling a void if that's what they seek.
I agree with your other points though. I take a fair bit of stick because I won't passionately kiss a casual partner. People often say its because I'm afraid of intimacy but I think that a lot of people need an illusion of intimacy to justify the fact that they're fucking strangers.
I don't feel a need to justify it, i just don't see myself as a monogamous person so fucking strangers doesn't seem odd to me. I'm very tactile though and can be very affectionate to people I've just met, when i meet a women who is the same it's mind blowingly good. As well as ball blowingly good. Different horses for different courses. "
No, not implying that you do feel a need to justify it. You won't find me explaining either. I was just recounting the attitudes I've come across suggesting for instance that sex with me must be cold and mechanical or like being with a prostitute because of a simple thing that gives an illusion of intimacy to some. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just guessing but is it to do with China's one child policy? You were "punished" if you had more than one child in China if a girl was born then they were often abandoned or even killed because a boy were valued more. Consequently, I believe, men far out way women so a women shouldn't have to cheat with an other's husband because there's plenty to go around? Opposite of Fab really.
Sorry, bit long winded but tis late and I'm tired!!
I don't really agree to be honest, but interesting suggestion all the same. Firstly, east and west china are very different and China has 30-odd provinces that all applied rules slightly differently. The real appeal of boys was that frankly they make better farm workers so in the west they quickly relaxed the one child policy so you can have another child if your first was a girl. Secondly, in the east i would say that if anything girls were valued more because they are seen as a better bet to take care of you in old age, that's a big bonus in a country with no real welfare system. There are more men than women but then men having these affairs are generally rich and the mistresses are largely doing it for the money, these are not on the whole love affairs!
Really? As I said I was purely speculating. Didn't know anyway near as much as you obviously do, found what you said interesting.
When i first visited china the main thing that shocked me how it was nothing like the BBC narrative of it.
If a baby got abandoned and happened to be a girl then a foreign journalist assumes the parents were a married couple who wanted a boy. Actually it's far more likely the mother was unmarried and from a poor countryside family and the father wouldn't support her. It's dangerous to project our own assumptions about peoples motivations to a country that has no welfare safety net. "
My "knowledge" was based upon a programme I'd watched years ago I must admit and you're are right think it was a BBC one. |
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"i honestly don't see how letting someone have a diddle with your genitals is validating in any way?
Some people mistake sex for love and intimacy.
suppose it could take your mind off things as well? the buzz of sex/dopamine flood.
Yeah. It's transient though.
especially the more you do it.
I find it interesting when reading threads about people in sexless marriages. What comes across again and again is how much the person misses intimacy. Trying to find that via casual sex is another way of deluding oneself I think..
or they don't think of any other types of intimacy or make the effort to have them with their partner.
intimacy is a nicer way of saying sex really and makes a cheater look better.
it's why i avoid people who use words like that, and tactile. they use them in totally the wrong way to romanticise sex or cheating. i think they know what they're doing as well.
I don't think they mean the actual sex, I think they mean the emotion that goes with it. To my mind that can only ever be an illusion with a casual contact. I suspect it leaves people emptier rather than filling a void if that's what they seek.
I agree with your other points though. I take a fair bit of stick because I won't passionately kiss a casual partner. People often say its because I'm afraid of intimacy but I think that a lot of people need an illusion of intimacy to justify the fact that they're fucking strangers.
that's a good point, i understand where the delusion can come in and maybe all i say next applies to that too, with a but.
to me. intimacy is sharing something meaningful, and even sex can do that. but-
i think people looking for something that is non-commital and not with the intention of forming attachments is never going to be intimate. so they won't get that intimacy and i really don't think they are looking for anything meaningful either or they'd put themselves in the position to find that before cheating."
Cor we don't half get in to some interesting stuff when I need to be asleep! |
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"lol, i miss south park even though it probably isn't that funny any more.
that's just it, if you're supposed to be a stud how can you be one without the sluts?
think i'm off to bed soon, well tired here.
You can't. Hence why i said - men love sluts
Yeah but they don't want to take one home to their mum.
I think the Madonna-whore complex is massively overblown. Yes i know guys who suffer from it, but they are less than half the guys i know. At the end of the day, on average - men come out of divorce worse than women. So few men are going to marry a woman just to please other people if it's going to cost them a house and 15% of all their future income for child support.
Leaving aside the fact that a man would be supporting his child whether he was divorced or not I thinks its probably a generational thing. Mr N was more than happy to marry me despite his mum not being too keen at first but many of the men I grew up with wanted a nice girl on their arm when they went to tea at their mum's. I'm aware though that this might have changed."
Fair point about the 15%, i was indicating its more a psychological barrier than an increase in cost to them. It's a bit like the foreign aid budget, whenever a budget is set purely as a % of something then people will identify some excess in it at times. Because the real world doesn't run on straight line budgets.
What I'm getting at is that when the father lives with children then the cost of them produces comments about "the bank of mum and dad". Yet how many divorced men do you know that are convinced "that bitch is spending it on herself and those nails" |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
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"i honestly don't see how letting someone have a diddle with your genitals is validating in any way?
Some people mistake sex for love and intimacy.
suppose it could take your mind off things as well? the buzz of sex/dopamine flood.
Yeah. It's transient though.
especially the more you do it.
I find it interesting when reading threads about people in sexless marriages. What comes across again and again is how much the person misses intimacy. Trying to find that via casual sex is another way of deluding oneself I think..
or they don't think of any other types of intimacy or make the effort to have them with their partner.
intimacy is a nicer way of saying sex really and makes a cheater look better.
it's why i avoid people who use words like that, and tactile. they use them in totally the wrong way to romanticise sex or cheating. i think they know what they're doing as well.
I don't think they mean the actual sex, I think they mean the emotion that goes with it. To my mind that can only ever be an illusion with a casual contact. I suspect it leaves people emptier rather than filling a void if that's what they seek.
I agree with your other points though. I take a fair bit of stick because I won't passionately kiss a casual partner. People often say its because I'm afraid of intimacy but I think that a lot of people need an illusion of intimacy to justify the fact that they're fucking strangers.
that's a good point, i understand where the delusion can come in and maybe all i say next applies to that too, with a but.
to me. intimacy is sharing something meaningful, and even sex can do that. but-
i think people looking for something that is non-commital and not with the intention of forming attachments is never going to be intimate. so they won't get that intimacy and i really don't think they are looking for anything meaningful either or they'd put themselves in the position to find that before cheating.
Cor we don't half get in to some interesting stuff when I need to be asleep!"
sorry, i can sing instead?
but yeah i like thinking and these type of topics helps me work stuff out. |
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"Just guessing but is it to do with China's one child policy? You were "punished" if you had more than one child in China if a girl was born then they were often abandoned or even killed because a boy were valued more. Consequently, I believe, men far out way women so a women shouldn't have to cheat with an other's husband because there's plenty to go around? Opposite of Fab really.
Sorry, bit long winded but tis late and I'm tired!!
I don't really agree to be honest, but interesting suggestion all the same. Firstly, east and west china are very different and China has 30-odd provinces that all applied rules slightly differently. The real appeal of boys was that frankly they make better farm workers so in the west they quickly relaxed the one child policy so you can have another child if your first was a girl. Secondly, in the east i would say that if anything girls were valued more because they are seen as a better bet to take care of you in old age, that's a big bonus in a country with no real welfare system. There are more men than women but then men having these affairs are generally rich and the mistresses are largely doing it for the money, these are not on the whole love affairs!
Really? As I said I was purely speculating. Didn't know anyway near as much as you obviously do, found what you said interesting.
When i first visited china the main thing that shocked me how it was nothing like the BBC narrative of it.
If a baby got abandoned and happened to be a girl then a foreign journalist assumes the parents were a married couple who wanted a boy. Actually it's far more likely the mother was unmarried and from a poor countryside family and the father wouldn't support her. It's dangerous to project our own assumptions about peoples motivations to a country that has no welfare safety net.
My "knowledge" was based upon a programme I'd watched years ago I must admit and you're are right think it was a BBC one. "
Yeah everyone's repressed and desperate for facebook and youtube. Fuck off - they all use VPN and see the censorship as a minor annoyance to get around. If the government tried to arrest everyone viewing banned sites then there would be more people in the prisons than out of them! In reality the government doesn't really give a fuck what you do until you start challenging their authority. So use VPN to look at porn - fine. Watching foreign movies online - don't care. Talking about tiananmen square - now we have a problem. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just guessing but is it to do with China's one child policy? You were "punished" if you had more than one child in China if a girl was born then they were often abandoned or even killed because a boy were valued more. Consequently, I believe, men far out way women so a women shouldn't have to cheat with an other's husband because there's plenty to go around? Opposite of Fab really.
Sorry, bit long winded but tis late and I'm tired!!
I don't really agree to be honest, but interesting suggestion all the same. Firstly, east and west china are very different and China has 30-odd provinces that all applied rules slightly differently. The real appeal of boys was that frankly they make better farm workers so in the west they quickly relaxed the one child policy so you can have another child if your first was a girl. Secondly, in the east i would say that if anything girls were valued more because they are seen as a better bet to take care of you in old age, that's a big bonus in a country with no real welfare system. There are more men than women but then men having these affairs are generally rich and the mistresses are largely doing it for the money, these are not on the whole love affairs!
Really? As I said I was purely speculating. Didn't know anyway near as much as you obviously do, found what you said interesting.
When i first visited china the main thing that shocked me how it was nothing like the BBC narrative of it.
If a baby got abandoned and happened to be a girl then a foreign journalist assumes the parents were a married couple who wanted a boy. Actually it's far more likely the mother was unmarried and from a poor countryside family and the father wouldn't support her. It's dangerous to project our own assumptions about peoples motivations to a country that has no welfare safety net.
Seeing that you know quite a bit about China and from previous exchange with you, I know that you've traveled to Asia and Australia... How does a country with limited or no welfare system tax its residents? Are taxes lower than in western countries? Sorry if I'm hijacking the thread but you have now blocked my gender so I cannot pm you.
They have much lower taxes than europe. The difference is that our politicians keep tinkering with individual taxes to pretend they are lowering them, but the metric that betrays them is the tax to GDP ratio which is around 36% here. Compare that to 28% in china and that's a big difference when you get down to the individual level. Thailand - 17%, South Korea - 26% vrs Germany 41%, Sweden 46% and France 48% "
Arseholes!
Thanks for the info, mate. |
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"Just guessing but is it to do with China's one child policy? You were "punished" if you had more than one child in China if a girl was born then they were often abandoned or even killed because a boy were valued more. Consequently, I believe, men far out way women so a women shouldn't have to cheat with an other's husband because there's plenty to go around? Opposite of Fab really.
Sorry, bit long winded but tis late and I'm tired!!
I don't really agree to be honest, but interesting suggestion all the same. Firstly, east and west china are very different and China has 30-odd provinces that all applied rules slightly differently. The real appeal of boys was that frankly they make better farm workers so in the west they quickly relaxed the one child policy so you can have another child if your first was a girl. Secondly, in the east i would say that if anything girls were valued more because they are seen as a better bet to take care of you in old age, that's a big bonus in a country with no real welfare system. There are more men than women but then men having these affairs are generally rich and the mistresses are largely doing it for the money, these are not on the whole love affairs!
Really? As I said I was purely speculating. Didn't know anyway near as much as you obviously do, found what you said interesting.
When i first visited china the main thing that shocked me how it was nothing like the BBC narrative of it.
If a baby got abandoned and happened to be a girl then a foreign journalist assumes the parents were a married couple who wanted a boy. Actually it's far more likely the mother was unmarried and from a poor countryside family and the father wouldn't support her. It's dangerous to project our own assumptions about peoples motivations to a country that has no welfare safety net.
Seeing that you know quite a bit about China and from previous exchange with you, I know that you've traveled to Asia and Australia... How does a country with limited or no welfare system tax its residents? Are taxes lower than in western countries? Sorry if I'm hijacking the thread but you have now blocked my gender so I cannot pm you.
They have much lower taxes than europe. The difference is that our politicians keep tinkering with individual taxes to pretend they are lowering them, but the metric that betrays them is the tax to GDP ratio which is around 36% here. Compare that to 28% in china and that's a big difference when you get down to the individual level. Thailand - 17%, South Korea - 26% vrs Germany 41%, Sweden 46% and France 48%
Arseholes!
Thanks for the info, mate. "
Without turning this into the dreaded politics forum, the reason the corporate tax rate debate of 19% vrs 28% is a complete red herring is because you need to look at the total tax bill including all the allowances and other taxes. That's the effective marginal tax rate (EMTR) and there you'll see that the UK is actually vritually the same as Germany depite their corporation tax being over 10% higher than ours (i.e. because we have a lot of stealth taxes too) - You did ask |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i honestly don't see how letting someone have a diddle with your genitals is validating in any way?
Some people mistake sex for love and intimacy.
suppose it could take your mind off things as well? the buzz of sex/dopamine flood.
Yeah. It's transient though.
especially the more you do it.
I find it interesting when reading threads about people in sexless marriages. What comes across again and again is how much the person misses intimacy. Trying to find that via casual sex is another way of deluding oneself I think..
or they don't think of any other types of intimacy or make the effort to have them with their partner.
intimacy is a nicer way of saying sex really and makes a cheater look better.
it's why i avoid people who use words like that, and tactile. they use them in totally the wrong way to romanticise sex or cheating. i think they know what they're doing as well.
I don't think they mean the actual sex, I think they mean the emotion that goes with it. To my mind that can only ever be an illusion with a casual contact. I suspect it leaves people emptier rather than filling a void if that's what they seek.
I agree with your other points though. I take a fair bit of stick because I won't passionately kiss a casual partner. People often say its because I'm afraid of intimacy but I think that a lot of people need an illusion of intimacy to justify the fact that they're fucking strangers."
I've never looked at it that way before.
Interesting thread on so many levels! |
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"lol, i miss south park even though it probably isn't that funny any more.
that's just it, if you're supposed to be a stud how can you be one without the sluts?
think i'm off to bed soon, well tired here.
You can't. Hence why i said - men love sluts
Yeah but they don't want to take one home to their mum.
I think the Madonna-whore complex is massively overblown. Yes i know guys who suffer from it, but they are less than half the guys i know. At the end of the day, on average - men come out of divorce worse than women. So few men are going to marry a woman just to please other people if it's going to cost them a house and 15% of all their future income for child support.
Leaving aside the fact that a man would be supporting his child whether he was divorced or not I thinks its probably a generational thing. Mr N was more than happy to marry me despite his mum not being too keen at first but many of the men I grew up with wanted a nice girl on their arm when they went to tea at their mum's. I'm aware though that this might have changed.
Fair point about the 15%, i was indicating its more a psychological barrier than an increase in cost to them. It's a bit like the foreign aid budget, whenever a budget is set purely as a % of something then people will identify some excess in it at times. Because the real world doesn't run on straight line budgets.
What I'm getting at is that when the father lives with children then the cost of them produces comments about "the bank of mum and dad". Yet how many divorced men do you know that are convinced "that bitch is spending it on herself and those nails" "
About the same amount as divorced women who think "the bastard has no idea how much school shoes cost" |
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"i honestly don't see how letting someone have a diddle with your genitals is validating in any way?
Some people mistake sex for love and intimacy.
suppose it could take your mind off things as well? the buzz of sex/dopamine flood.
Yeah. It's transient though.
especially the more you do it.
I find it interesting when reading threads about people in sexless marriages. What comes across again and again is how much the person misses intimacy. Trying to find that via casual sex is another way of deluding oneself I think..
or they don't think of any other types of intimacy or make the effort to have them with their partner.
intimacy is a nicer way of saying sex really and makes a cheater look better.
it's why i avoid people who use words like that, and tactile. they use them in totally the wrong way to romanticise sex or cheating. i think they know what they're doing as well.
I don't think they mean the actual sex, I think they mean the emotion that goes with it. To my mind that can only ever be an illusion with a casual contact. I suspect it leaves people emptier rather than filling a void if that's what they seek.
I agree with your other points though. I take a fair bit of stick because I won't passionately kiss a casual partner. People often say its because I'm afraid of intimacy but I think that a lot of people need an illusion of intimacy to justify the fact that they're fucking strangers.
that's a good point, i understand where the delusion can come in and maybe all i say next applies to that too, with a but.
to me. intimacy is sharing something meaningful, and even sex can do that. but-
i think people looking for something that is non-commital and not with the intention of forming attachments is never going to be intimate. so they won't get that intimacy and i really don't think they are looking for anything meaningful either or they'd put themselves in the position to find that before cheating.
Cor we don't half get in to some interesting stuff when I need to be asleep!
sorry, i can sing instead?
but yeah i like thinking and these type of topics helps me work stuff out."
Sing by all means, I love singing and will probably join in
I like this type of topic too. Especially when as here, we can all put our views forward and everyone reads, digests and replies without patronising or aggression.
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
•+• Access Denied •+• |
"i honestly don't see how letting someone have a diddle with your genitals is validating in any way?
Some people mistake sex for love and intimacy.
suppose it could take your mind off things as well? the buzz of sex/dopamine flood.
Yeah. It's transient though.
especially the more you do it.
I find it interesting when reading threads about people in sexless marriages. What comes across again and again is how much the person misses intimacy. Trying to find that via casual sex is another way of deluding oneself I think..
or they don't think of any other types of intimacy or make the effort to have them with their partner.
intimacy is a nicer way of saying sex really and makes a cheater look better.
it's why i avoid people who use words like that, and tactile. they use them in totally the wrong way to romanticise sex or cheating. i think they know what they're doing as well.
I don't think they mean the actual sex, I think they mean the emotion that goes with it. To my mind that can only ever be an illusion with a casual contact. I suspect it leaves people emptier rather than filling a void if that's what they seek.
I agree with your other points though. I take a fair bit of stick because I won't passionately kiss a casual partner. People often say its because I'm afraid of intimacy but I think that a lot of people need an illusion of intimacy to justify the fact that they're fucking strangers.
that's a good point, i understand where the delusion can come in and maybe all i say next applies to that too, with a but.
to me. intimacy is sharing something meaningful, and even sex can do that. but-
i think people looking for something that is non-commital and not with the intention of forming attachments is never going to be intimate. so they won't get that intimacy and i really don't think they are looking for anything meaningful either or they'd put themselves in the position to find that before cheating.
Cor we don't half get in to some interesting stuff when I need to be asleep!
sorry, i can sing instead?
but yeah i like thinking and these type of topics helps me work stuff out.
Sing by all means, I love singing and will probably join in
I like this type of topic too. Especially when as here, we can all put our views forward and everyone reads, digests and replies without patronising or aggression.
"
you need to sing louder than me coz i sound really bad. 
yeah i like it when nobody brings out fallacies and can discuss properly and the topic is interesting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Shit, is this still going on?
Yes wives are still beating the shit out of mistresses every day"
Aren't human beings wonderful, apparently through millions of evolution we've reached the "top of the tree", perhaps we should have just stayed in the trees instead!?  |
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"Just guessing but is it to do with China's one child policy? You were "punished" if you had more than one child in China if a girl was born then they were often abandoned or even killed because a boy were valued more. Consequently, I believe, men far out way women so a women shouldn't have to cheat with an other's husband because there's plenty to go around? Opposite of Fab really.
Sorry, bit long winded but tis late and I'm tired!!
I don't really agree to be honest, but interesting suggestion all the same. Firstly, east and west china are very different and China has 30-odd provinces that all applied rules slightly differently. The real appeal of boys was that frankly they make better farm workers so in the west they quickly relaxed the one child policy so you can have another child if your first was a girl. Secondly, in the east i would say that if anything girls were valued more because they are seen as a better bet to take care of you in old age, that's a big bonus in a country with no real welfare system. There are more men than women but then men having these affairs are generally rich and the mistresses are largely doing it for the money, these are not on the whole love affairs!
Really? As I said I was purely speculating. Didn't know anyway near as much as you obviously do, found what you said interesting.
When i first visited china the main thing that shocked me how it was nothing like the BBC narrative of it.
If a baby got abandoned and happened to be a girl then a foreign journalist assumes the parents were a married couple who wanted a boy. Actually it's far more likely the mother was unmarried and from a poor countryside family and the father wouldn't support her. It's dangerous to project our own assumptions about peoples motivations to a country that has no welfare safety net.
My "knowledge" was based upon a programme I'd watched years ago I must admit and you're are right think it was a BBC one. "
I note today the BBC is giving coverage to the death of Liu Xiaobo as some sort human rights hero. The coverage is overwhelmingly positive, there's no real analysis of his views in any of many articles they've written on him. If they did it might expose the truth that the guy is an idiot and his views are stupid to the point of being dangerous. I know that sounds harsh but look at Iraq now, that's what happens when you try to create an overnight democracy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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".....
I note today the BBC is giving coverage to the death of Liu Xiaobo as some sort human rights hero. The coverage is overwhelmingly positive, there's no real analysis of his views in any of many articles they've written on him. If they did it might expose the truth that the guy is an idiot and his views are stupid to the point of being dangerous. I know that sounds harsh but look at Iraq now, that's what happens when you try to create an overnight democracy. "
Blair and Bush weren't interested in what happened I don't think. |
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".....
I note today the BBC is giving coverage to the death of Liu Xiaobo as some sort human rights hero. The coverage is overwhelmingly positive, there's no real analysis of his views in any of many articles they've written on him. If they did it might expose the truth that the guy is an idiot and his views are stupid to the point of being dangerous. I know that sounds harsh but look at Iraq now, that's what happens when you try to create an overnight democracy.
Blair and Bush weren't interested in what happened I don't think."
I believe Blair was. The chilcot report basically says he was a well intentioned fool, which is what Liu Xiaobo was, in my opinion. |
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