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Waited too long to meet?
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Its so exciting when you really connect to someone on here, when everything feels 'just right' and you can't wait to meet that person and hopefully its the beginning of a new and exciting adventure...
But if you can't meet them for a long time, do you find that it seems to fizzle out? Usually before I meet someone for the first time things ramp up and the butterflies and giddyness are almost unbearable, but the longest a meet would be planned would just be a week or two at most. Is waiting too long a killer? When there's no longer any indication that they're still attracted to you should you just accept that you've now been friendzoned and leave it at that?
Answers on a postcard please...   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most of my meets are a long time in the planning. I think my record was it was diarised and a hotel booked 12 weeks ahead of time!  (they're not all that long though, honest!)
Mostly they go great. Some convos naturally fizzle out a little if there's a long gap but hopefully they're worth waiting for and you can reignite the conversation nearer the time? You don't necessarily need a daily dialogue to see you through ..
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I think it can work both ways - personally I prefer to get to know someone a little first and be sure that I want to meet them, rather than rush into meeting someone and then later having the awkwardness of saying it was nice but I don't want to do it again.
So in my, albeit limited, experience it's usually been a while before I've met people and if things have fizzled out in that time then it wasn't meant to be anyway - however if it doesn't then the butterflies and excitement about meeting for the first time are possibly even greater than they would have been if I'd rushed into meeting.
If that makes sense?
Interesting thread though PD |
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"Most of my meets are a long time in the planning. I think my record was it was diarised and a hotel booked 12 weeks ahead of time! (they're not all that long though, honest!)
Mostly they go great. Some convos naturally fizzle out a little if there's a long gap but hopefully they're worth waiting for and you can reignite the conversation nearer the time? You don't necessarily need a daily dialogue to see you through ..
"
12 weeks??? was this a first meet though or someone you'd already met and knew things were going to be good with? I've planned repeat meets several weeks or even months in advance but this is a first for me... |
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"Most of my meets are a long time in the planning. I think my record was it was diarised and a hotel booked 12 weeks ahead of time! (they're not all that long though, honest!)
Mostly they go great. Some convos naturally fizzle out a little if there's a long gap but hopefully they're worth waiting for and you can reignite the conversation nearer the time? You don't necessarily need a daily dialogue to see you through ..
12 weeks??? was this a first meet though or someone you'd already met and knew things were going to be good with? I've planned repeat meets several weeks or even months in advance but this is a first for me..."
its been up to a year for me before now |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think there's a lot to be said for having a long time to wait. The conversation has time to develop and you can really get a sense of the person. The anticipation can be very powerful and when you do meet the results can be very explosive. If the conversation fizzles out, hopefully it can be resumed nearer the meet. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most of my meets are a long time in the planning. I think my record was it was diarised and a hotel booked 12 weeks ahead of time! (they're not all that long though, honest!)
Mostly they go great. Some convos naturally fizzle out a little if there's a long gap but hopefully they're worth waiting for and you can reignite the conversation nearer the time? You don't necessarily need a daily dialogue to see you through ..
12 weeks??? was this a first meet though or someone you'd already met and knew things were going to be good with? I've planned repeat meets several weeks or even months in advance but this is a first for me..."
Well the first meet with them was a social which was about 8 weeks in planning. That went well so the next meet was a hotel meet that was 3 months away ..
I can't meet that often and all of my meets need planning!! |
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"I think it can work both ways - personally I prefer to get to know someone a little first and be sure that I want to meet them, rather than rush into meeting someone and then later having the awkwardness of saying it was nice but I don't want to do it again.
So in my, albeit limited, experience it's usually been a while before I've met people and if things have fizzled out in that time then it wasn't meant to be anyway - however if it doesn't then the butterflies and excitement about meeting for the first time are possibly even greater than they would have been if I'd rushed into meeting.
If that makes sense?
Interesting thread though PD "
I'm not necessarily saying rush into meeting someone. I will be chatting to someone for a while to determine if the connection is there before agreeing to meet, I just meant the length of time between the meet being agreed and finally happening.... If that makes sense?  |
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"I think there's a lot to be said for having a long time to wait. The conversation has time to develop and you can really get a sense of the person. The anticipation can be very powerful and when you do meet the results can be very explosive. If the conversation fizzles out, hopefully it can be resumed nearer the meet. X "
This is what I mean... The sense of anticipation and excitement!! The desire... The hunger... That's how it should be |
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"I can't meet folk at drop off a hat but I find if I wait too long I've lost interest and someone else I fancy meeting has come along in the meantime "
Yea... I'm getting the sense that this is what's happened here, which is a shame after all this time and planning, but I guess thems the breaks. Chalk it up to experience. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think there's a lot to be said for having a long time to wait. The conversation has time to develop and you can really get a sense of the person. The anticipation can be very powerful and when you do meet the results can be very explosive. If the conversation fizzles out, hopefully it can be resumed nearer the meet. X
This is what I mean... The sense of anticipation and excitement!! The desire... The hunger... That's how it should be "
Yes, that getting them alone and not being able to wait to rip their clothes off passion. Or just snogging as soon as the lift door closes in the hotel.  |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
If I click with someone I like to meet them for a social as quickly as possible, which can sometimes be a couple of weeks because of my limited availability. Any longer than that I find the convo fizzles out.
Someone replied to a message I sent them after 5 months the other day! It was a straight delete! |
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By *ola.Woman
over a year ago
Just where I need to be. |
I don't rush to meet. Sometimes distance is an issue. I keep in touch and yes sometimes it's hard to keep the momentum going but if we both want to meet then a bit of effort is needed by both parties. I have waited 14 months to meet someone and I'm glad we did. We both disclosed a lot of wants during that time and our meets have explored them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It depends for me
Women - If i actually get talking to someone and we get on, id like a social asap, however I've been really busy. I have actually been speaking to someone for about 6-8 weeks just waiting till we're both free.
Men - meet and fuck asap, then find the next one  |
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"If they can't meet within 2 weeks I go off the idea. Seems no point keeping in touch unless we're just chatting as friends."
Would that ever change though if somewhere down the line they asked to meet? Or are they firmly friendzoned at that stage? |
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I'm the sort of guy who likes a bit of a build up anyway. I like to get to know a woman as much as possible before I meet them. A long wait for me only adds to the excitement. It all just helps stoke the fire. If you're both on the same page with it all then when you do finally meet the result can be spectacular. Like all your Christmases and birthdays rolled into one! If it sort of fizzles out in the meantime then it simply wasn't meant to be. |
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"I think there's a lot to be said for having a long time to wait. The conversation has time to develop and you can really get a sense of the person. The anticipation can be very powerful and when you do meet the results can be very explosive. If the conversation fizzles out, hopefully it can be resumed nearer the meet. X
This is what I mean... The sense of anticipation and excitement!! The desire... The hunger... That's how it should be
Yes, that getting them alone and not being able to wait to rip their clothes off passion. Or just snogging as soon as the lift door closes in the hotel. "
That's what's missing... The feeling that someone's wildly attracted to you, not just lukewarm about the idea of meeting you, or doing it out of a sense of obligation. |
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"If I click with someone I like to meet them for a social as quickly as possible, which can sometimes be a couple of weeks because of my limited availability. Any longer than that I find the convo fizzles out.
Someone replied to a message I sent them after 5 months the other day! It was a straight delete! "
That would be the ideal scenario... not the 5 months bit... Obviously |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I met someone after chatting for 2 years, Was mindblowing when it happened! Had another gent I'd been chatting to for near on 4! We met up recently and got on like a house on fire! It was amazing!  |
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"I don't rush to meet. Sometimes distance is an issue. I keep in touch and yes sometimes it's hard to keep the momentum going but if we both want to meet then a bit of effort is needed by both parties. I have waited 14 months to meet someone and I'm glad we did. We both disclosed a lot of wants during that time and our meets have explored them."
Communication is important. Not just superficial communication, but the kind that gives you insight into each other's wants and desires, the kind that fuels the anticipation of meeting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I waited a year to meet someone. Was worth the wait and I saw him again.
You planned it a year in advance??? "
We didn't set a date. We started talking but one thing after another got in the way of us meeting, until a year had passed. |
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"I waited 2 years to meet someone ,on my old single profile.I'd love to lie and say it was worth it....
Miss"
Two years is an awfully long time. I think I would have thrown in the towel long before that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i chatted to some people for an age - years in a few cases and because we are all in the same boat and understand that life and circumstances are going to make it difficult to get that meet we dont stress over it - when it happens its great - ive been just thinking that there are some people here i chat with a little bit and have said yeah wish we were nearer kind of thing - some im actually meeting next weekend so i never give up hope - even met an irish lady who i never thought i would at an arranged social event - certain lady down south id love to meet as well - |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I think it can work both ways - personally I prefer to get to know someone a little first and be sure that I want to meet them, rather than rush into meeting someone and then later having the awkwardness of saying it was nice but I don't want to do it again.
So in my, albeit limited, experience it's usually been a while before I've met people and if things have fizzled out in that time then it wasn't meant to be anyway - however if it doesn't then the butterflies and excitement about meeting for the first time are possibly even greater than they would have been if I'd rushed into meeting.
If that makes sense?
Interesting thread though PD
I'm not necessarily saying rush into meeting someone. I will be chatting to someone for a while to determine if the connection is there before agreeing to meet, I just meant the length of time between the meet being agreed and finally happening.... If that makes sense? "
Ah got you
In that case then I think similar things would apply - if the chat fizzles out in that time then perhaps it wasn't meant to be anyway, but if you've really 'connected' with someone then it can be re-kindled if for example life has got in the way regardless.
I don't have a set time limit though on agreeing to meet and when the meet has to be - sometimes diaries can be extremely difficult to align!! |
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"It depends for me
Women - If i actually get talking to someone and we get on, id like a social asap, however I've been really busy. I have actually been speaking to someone for about 6-8 weeks just waiting till we're both free.
Men - meet and fuck asap, then find the next one "
That's the difference though isn't it... I can chat to someone on and off for a year with vague plans to meet sometime when it suits us both (and sometimes that's worked out really well when we eventually do), but actually having planned a meet long in advance, it feels like the closer it gets, the less enthusiasm I'm sensing from the other person, rather than excitement building. |
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"I'm the sort of guy who likes a bit of a build up anyway. I like to get to know a woman as much as possible before I meet them. A long wait for me only adds to the excitement. It all just helps stoke the fire. If you're both on the same page with it all then when you do finally meet the result can be spectacular. Like all your Christmases and birthdays rolled into one! If it sort of fizzles out in the meantime then it simply wasn't meant to be."
That's my worry... I think I'm setting myself up for a let-down. The closer it gets and the less feedback I get from the other person, the more butterflies I feel fall to the ground. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think there's a lot to be said for having a long time to wait. The conversation has time to develop and you can really get a sense of the person. The anticipation can be very powerful and when you do meet the results can be very explosive. If the conversation fizzles out, hopefully it can be resumed nearer the meet. X
This is what I mean... The sense of anticipation and excitement!! The desire... The hunger... That's how it should be
Yes, that getting them alone and not being able to wait to rip their clothes off passion. Or just snogging as soon as the lift door closes in the hotel.
That's what's missing... The feeling that someone's wildly attracted to you, not just lukewarm about the idea of meeting you, or doing it out of a sense of obligation."
When you make an effort to travel a distance and everything else it entails then that's what you want the other person to put as much effort into it as well. So understand you want all that in return x |
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"I'm the sort of guy who likes a bit of a build up anyway. I like to get to know a woman as much as possible before I meet them. A long wait for me only adds to the excitement. It all just helps stoke the fire. If you're both on the same page with it all then when you do finally meet the result can be spectacular. Like all your Christmases and birthdays rolled into one! If it sort of fizzles out in the meantime then it simply wasn't meant to be.
That's my worry... I think I'm setting myself up for a let-down. The closer it gets and the less feedback I get from the other person, the more butterflies I feel fall to the ground."
id just knock it on the head if i was getting those vibes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It depends for me
Women - If i actually get talking to someone and we get on, id like a social asap, however I've been really busy. I have actually been speaking to someone for about 6-8 weeks just waiting till we're both free.
Men - meet and fuck asap, then find the next one
That's the difference though isn't it... I can chat to someone on and off for a year with vague plans to meet sometime when it suits us both (and sometimes that's worked out really well when we eventually do), but actually having planned a meet long in advance, it feels like the closer it gets, the less enthusiasm I'm sensing from the other person, rather than excitement building."
If the enthusiasm is dying out then I would take that as a sign it's not meant to be. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always think when the interest on the other side starts waning they have met someone else they are interested in and its time to move on.. or if I no longer feel a spark I move on.It has happened to me on different occasions, life got in the way and couldn't meet as soon as we wanted and the attraction just fizzled out |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's a fair few people I know from there that I love chatting to. Not sex chat, just random stuff, life stuff. I don't want to sleep with them and vice versa. But that doesn't mean we can't be good mates.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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November to April was the longest between 'hey let's meet' to the actual meet. Prior to that I had a 'if we don't meet within a month it's not worth it' rule. He was worth it. The time spent waiting just made the fireworks better. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Its so exciting when you really connect to someone on here, when everything feels 'just right' and you can't wait to meet that person and hopefully its the beginning of a new and exciting adventure...
But if you can't meet them for a long time, do you find that it seems to fizzle out? Usually before I meet someone for the first time things ramp up and the butterflies and giddyness are almost unbearable, but the longest a meet would be planned would just be a week or two at most. Is waiting too long a killer? When there's no longer any indication that they're still attracted to you should you just accept that you've now been friendzoned and leave it at that?
Answers on a postcard please... "
have fun on your meet best wishes from big teddy bear |
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Takes quite a few weeks of messagong before I will meet, that is not down to the fact I cannot meet, more because I prefere to.
If it fizzles out, then neither are really bothered or not that attracted to eachother to wait. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Being friendzoned is an absolute bitch. But sometimes that's the way the cookie crumbles.
My bet is on the second he sees you in the flesh he won't be able to resist. And if he's not interested in you hes nuts. |
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I think the amount of time probably doesn't make much difference, but it's important to feel that there's a sense of momentum. That said, given the choice I prefer spontaneity.
Continuing to chat for a long time can feel as though it somehow dulls the edge of the excitement.
Eventually all conversations boil down to 'when are you actually free?'.
A conversation about arranging a time to have sex can be one of the least sexy things ever. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
Sometimes things have fizzled out - occasionally deliberately on my part as I've realised they are one of the things I can't stand (racist/body shamer etc) or others because life happens/just not that interested.
I don't think it's necessarily due to it being a long time thing, some of my meets took a good few meets to come to fruition from when first started talking. I don't expect people to reply within a set time as such frame but it's always easy to tell when that 'excitement' has disappeared. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it depends on the person and communication. Ive gone off someone within days while Ive waited months for another.
If there's a proper connection and momentum keeps up then Im happy to wait. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If they can't meet within 2 weeks I go off the idea. Seems no point keeping in touch unless we're just chatting as friends.
Would that ever change though if somewhere down the line they asked to meet? Or are they firmly friendzoned at that stage?"
I'd meet for a social later if they asked, yes. I just don't like waiting for more than 2 weeks for an initial coffee in case they don't like me when we meet, because it would have been a waste of their time chatting to me. |
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