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Husbands are important too.
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"It's seams to me that often women who have young children get so caught up in looking after their babies and being the perfect mummy. They forget who made them mummies in the first place. I wish I could reach out n tell them. Don't forget your husbands while your making your babies happy. Your husbands need love and attention too. They gave you your babies that you love so dearly. They supported you and helped you build your business. They were the first to love you. Don't leave them out in the cold. PTU xxx " Think you should be posting that on mumsnet not here. | |||
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"It's seams to me that often women who have young children get so caught up in looking after their babies and being the perfect mummy. They forget who made them mummies in the first place. I wish I could reach out n tell them. Don't forget your husbands while your making your babies happy. Your husbands need love and attention too. They gave you your babies that you love so dearly. They supported you and helped you build your business. They were the first to love you. Don't leave them out in the cold. PTU xxx Think you should be posting that on mumsnet not here. " Hahaha I wanted to put it on facefuck but I can't intervene. Xxx | |||
"It's seams to me that often women who have young children get so caught up in looking after their babies and being the perfect mummy. They forget who made them mummies in the first place. I wish I could reach out n tell them. Don't forget your husbands while your making your babies happy. Your husbands need love and attention too. They gave you your babies that you love so dearly. They supported you and helped you build your business. They were the first to love you. Don't leave them out in the cold. PTU xxx " Well said  | |||
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i try and give them a break so they can do stuff together even if its just going out for a walk on there own | |||
"Too often parents fail to consider the stresses both of them are under. One of them resents the other because all the attention is on the children. The main child care provider is resentful because they fee they're stretched too thin from all the demands to meet other people's physical and emotional needs. It's not always the mother who needs to step up...they both do."
I've known some couples break up or cheat with the excuse of "I got no attention from him/her (main care giver)".
But knowing them as parents, if they had got off their arses and helped out more with the children, maybe their partner wouldn't have been so bloody exhausted and would've had more energy to spend time with them! | |||
"Too often parents fail to consider the stresses both of them are under. One of them resents the other because all the attention is on the children. The main child care provider is resentful because they fee they're stretched too thin from all the demands to meet other people's physical and emotional needs. It's not always the mother who needs to step up...they both do." The "breadwinning" parent can often blithely carry on with their life, oblivious to the stress of being a primary carer. | |||
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"This mother always looks amazing, as do the children. They are a beautiful family but she rarely takes any notice of her husband. I wish I could wave a magic wand and show her her mistakes but I can't. xxx"How do you know what's going on behind closed doors? | |||
"This mother always looks amazing, as do the children. They are a beautiful family but she rarely takes any notice of her husband. I wish I could wave a magic wand and show her her mistakes but I can't. xxx
How do you know what's going on behind closed doors?"Cos I stalk them   xxx | |||
"This mother always looks amazing, as do the children. They are a beautiful family but she rarely takes any notice of her husband. I wish I could wave a magic wand and show her her mistakes but I can't. xxx
How do you know what's going on behind closed doors?
Cos I stalk them xxx"Maybe concentrate on your own life instead? | |||
"This mother always looks amazing, as do the children. They are a beautiful family but she rarely takes any notice of her husband. I wish I could wave a magic wand and show her her mistakes but I can't. xxx
How do you know what's going on behind closed doors?
Cos I stalk them xxx
Maybe concentrate on your own life instead?"I don't need too, my life is perfect.  | |||
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"Too often parents fail to consider the stresses both of them are under. One of them resents the other because all the attention is on the children. The main child care provider is resentful because they fee they're stretched too thin from all the demands to meet other people's physical and emotional needs. It's not always the mother who needs to step up...they both do.
I've known some couples break up or cheat with the excuse of "I got no attention from him/her (main care giver)".
But knowing them as parents, if they had got off their arses and helped out more with the children, maybe their partner wouldn't have been so bloody exhausted and would've had more energy to spend time with them!" | |||
"This mother always looks amazing, as do the children. They are a beautiful family but she rarely takes any notice of her husband. I wish I could wave a magic wand and show her her mistakes but I can't. xxx"Shag him. | |||
"This should also appear on a cheating men thread. "Don't go there. They've been done to death!! | |||
"This mother always looks amazing, as do the children. They are a beautiful family but she rarely takes any notice of her husband. I wish I could wave a magic wand and show her her mistakes but I can't. xxx
Shag him. "I care to much to ruin their family, I just wish I could give her head a wobble.  xxx | |||
"This mother always looks amazing, as do the children. They are a beautiful family but she rarely takes any notice of her husband. I wish I could wave a magic wand and show her her mistakes but I can't. xxx
Shag him. I care to much to ruin their family, I just wish I could give her head a wobble. xxx"i think you should keep your nose out of their business. As someone said you dont know what goes on behind closed doors | |||
"This mother always looks amazing, as do the children. They are a beautiful family but she rarely takes any notice of her husband. I wish I could wave a magic wand and show her her mistakes but I can't. xxx
Shag him. I care to much to ruin their family, I just wish I could give her head a wobble. xxx"Maybe she doesn't like him. Maybe they get on great indoors. Maybe he beats the shit out of her and she's struggling to stay sane for appearances sakes. x | |||
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"This mother always looks amazing, as do the children. They are a beautiful family but she rarely takes any notice of her husband. I wish I could wave a magic wand and show her her mistakes but I can't. xxx
Shag him. I care to much to ruin their family, I just wish I could give her head a wobble. xxxi think you should keep your nose out of their business. As someone said you dont know what goes on behind closed doors"I don't interfere. I'm just putting my thoughts here because I can't interfere. Fuck if I though for on min could help I dam well would but I know I can't so I'm just putting my thoughts here. X | |||
"This thread reminds me of that film ..... The hand that rocks the craddle .... Creepy ." why? Do you see problems in friends lives and wish you could help? | |||
"This mother always looks amazing, as do the children. They are a beautiful family but she rarely takes any notice of her husband. I wish I could wave a magic wand and show her her mistakes but I can't. xxx
Shag him. I care to much to ruin their family, I just wish I could give her head a wobble. xxxi think you should keep your nose out of their business. As someone said you dont know what goes on behind closed doors
I don't interfere. I'm just putting my thoughts here because I can't interfere. Fuck if I though for on min could help I dam well would but I know I can't so I'm just putting my thoughts here. X"help what? | |||
"This thread reminds me of that film ..... The hand that rocks the craddle .... Creepy . why? Do you see problems in friends lives and wish you could help?" No, I know to mind my own business unless asked for advice. Plus I am always mindful of hearing only one side of the story. | |||
"This mother always looks amazing, as do the children. They are a beautiful family but she rarely takes any notice of her husband. I wish I could wave a magic wand and show her her mistakes but I can't. xxx"You're assuming the mistakes are all hers. That is very unfair. | |||
"This mother always looks amazing, as do the children. They are a beautiful family but she rarely takes any notice of her husband. I wish I could wave a magic wand and show her her mistakes but I can't. xxx
Shag him. "You are simply bad ass   | |||
"This mother always looks amazing, as do the children. They are a beautiful family but she rarely takes any notice of her husband. I wish I could wave a magic wand and show her her mistakes but I can't. xxx
You're assuming the mistakes are all hers. That is very unfair." | |||
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"I know far more then I'm putting on here. I just though I'd put a few words of wisdom in the forums. "how. If you knew them that well you wouldnt have considered putting it on facebook but talking to her. You seem a bit obsessed by them to be honest | |||
"It's seams to me that often women who have young children get so caught up in looking after their babies and being the perfect mummy. They forget who made them mummies in the first place. I wish I could reach out n tell them. Don't forget your husbands while your making your babies happy. Your husbands need love and attention too. They gave you your babies that you love so dearly. They supported you and helped you build your business. They were the first to love you. Don't leave them out in the cold. PTU xxx " If that's happening then the fella has to step up and communicate with his partner how he is feeling. They also need to ensure they are doing their fair bit to help with the wee ones and around the home. | |||
"It's seams to me that often women who have young children get so caught up in looking after their babies and being the perfect mummy. They forget who made them mummies in the first place. I wish I could reach out n tell them. Don't forget your husbands while your making your babies happy. Your husbands need love and attention too. They gave you your babies that you love so dearly. They supported you and helped you build your business. They were the first to love you. Don't leave them out in the cold. PTU xxx If that's happening then the fella has to step up and communicate with his partner how he is feeling. They also need to ensure they are doing their fair bit to help with the wee ones and around the home. " yes I kicked his butt on that one. xx | |||
"This mother always looks amazing, as do the children. They are a beautiful family but she rarely takes any notice of her husband. I wish I could wave a magic wand and show her her mistakes but I can't. xxx
Shag him. I care to much to ruin their family, I just wish I could give her head a wobble. xxx"What business of yours is their marriage...and who are you to judge her supposed mistakes? If you were a close enough friend and she wanted your advice I'm sure she would have asked  | |||
"This mother always looks amazing, as do the children. They are a beautiful family but she rarely takes any notice of her husband. I wish I could wave a magic wand and show her her mistakes but I can't. xxx
Shag him. I care to much to ruin their family, I just wish I could give her head a wobble. xxxi think you should keep your nose out of their business. As someone said you dont know what goes on behind closed doors"This | |||
"It's seams to me that often women who have young children get so caught up in looking after their babies and being the perfect mummy. They forget who made them mummies in the first place. I wish I could reach out n tell them. Don't forget your husbands while your making your babies happy. Your husbands need love and attention too. They gave you your babies that you love so dearly. They supported you and helped you build your business. They were the first to love you. Don't leave them out in the cold. PTU xxx " I find this very strange. For a start i never thought of it as my husband 'making me a mummy'. We made a baby(ies) together. I became a mummy when we made a child/children. Also, for many women, its a natural instinct to put their child first, its how we have evolved to make sure our young are kept safe and thrive. I think the men should be understanding about how women feel once they have become a mummy. They should help and support. Many men also feel the same. If a guy seeks sex elswhere because he and his partner have become parents and rarely have sex then (imo) that guy is a dreadful person. | |||
"It's seams to me that often women who have young children get so caught up in looking after their babies and being the perfect mummy. They forget who made them mummies in the first place. I wish I could reach out n tell them. Don't forget your husbands while your making your babies happy. Your husbands need love and attention too. They gave you your babies that you love so dearly. They supported you and helped you build your business. They were the first to love you. Don't leave them out in the cold. PTU xxx I find this very strange. For a start i never thought of it as my husband 'making me a mummy'. We made a baby(ies) together. I became a mummy when we made a child/children. Also, for many women, its a natural instinct to put their child first, its how we have evolved to make sure our young are kept safe and thrive. I think the men should be understanding about how women feel once they have become a mummy. They should help and support. Many men also feel the same. If a guy seeks sex elswhere because he and his partner have become parents and rarely have sex then (imo) that guy is a dreadful person." The first step to betrayal is often confiding in a 'friend' of the opposite sex about how your partner doesn't understand your needs... | |||
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"if it was anything like my marriage, my ex always put on a front to the neighbours/family/friends as if to say everything was hunky dory within the marital home, whereas in reality it was anything but! no one knows what goes on behind closed doors... "in the words of Charlie Pride | |||
"if it was anything like my marriage, my ex always put on a front to the neighbours/family/friends as if to say everything was hunky dory within the marital home, whereas in reality it was anything but! no one knows what goes on behind closed doors... "Very true. Other people's relationships are private unless they both invite you in. | |||
"It's seams to me that often women who have young children get so caught up in looking after their babies and being the perfect mummy. They forget who made them mummies in the first place. I wish I could reach out n tell them. Don't forget your husbands while your making your babies happy. Your husbands need love and attention too. They gave you your babies that you love so dearly. They supported you and helped you build your business. They were the first to love you. Don't leave them out in the cold. PTU xxx I find this very strange. For a start i never thought of it as my husband 'making me a mummy'. We made a baby(ies) together. I became a mummy when we made a child/children. Also, for many women, its a natural instinct to put their child first, its how we have evolved to make sure our young are kept safe and thrive. I think the men should be understanding about how women feel once they have become a mummy. They should help and support. Many men also feel the same. If a guy seeks sex elswhere because he and his partner have become parents and rarely have sex then (imo) that guy is a dreadful person." . If its just natural instinct then Its as much of a natural instinct as a woman putting the child first surely?. I mean biologically speaking females are programmed to "have gene diversity" amongst their children!. Of course as a slightly intelligent species we should be able to work through "natural instinct" | |||
"It's seams to me that often women who have young children get so caught up in looking after their babies and being the perfect mummy. They forget who made them mummies in the first place. I wish I could reach out n tell them. Don't forget your husbands while your making your babies happy. Your husbands need love and attention too. They gave you your babies that you love so dearly. They supported you and helped you build your business. They were the first to love you. Don't leave them out in the cold. PTU xxx I find this very strange. For a start i never thought of it as my husband 'making me a mummy'. We made a baby(ies) together. I became a mummy when we made a child/children. Also, for many women, its a natural instinct to put their child first, its how we have evolved to make sure our young are kept safe and thrive. I think the men should be understanding about how women feel once they have become a mummy. They should help and support. Many men also feel the same. If a guy seeks sex elswhere because he and his partner have become parents and rarely have sex then (imo) that guy is a dreadful person.. ..... Of course as a slightly intelligent species we should be able to work through "natural instinct" " I'm sure many can but why should they ? Surely it's more important to keep the child safe and thriving ? They are helpless compared to a grown man who should be able to understand why the woman is putting the child first. Personally after giving birth and having a young child for a long time i was in pain, exhausted, emotional, intent on looking after my child the best i could to keep them safe, fed, clean and happy. Thankfully i had a husband who understood how i felt. | |||
"It's seams to me that often women who have young children get so caught up in looking after their babies and being the perfect mummy. They forget who made them mummies in the first place. I wish I could reach out n tell them. Don't forget your husbands while your making your babies happy. Your husbands need love and attention too. They gave you your babies that you love so dearly. They supported you and helped you build your business. They were the first to love you. Don't leave them out in the cold. PTU xxx " Thank you for posting this, although, I suspect it's too late for some | |||
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"Too often parents fail to consider the stresses both of them are under. One of them resents the other because all the attention is on the children. The main child care provider is resentful because they fee they're stretched too thin from all the demands to meet other people's physical and emotional needs. It's not always the mother who needs to step up...they both do.
I've known some couples break up or cheat with the excuse of "I got no attention from him/her (main care giver)".
But knowing them as parents, if they had got off their arses and helped out more with the children, maybe their partner wouldn't have been so bloody exhausted and would've had more energy to spend time with them!" definitely this. | |||
"It's seams to me that often women who have young children get so caught up in looking after their babies and being the perfect mummy. They forget who made them mummies in the first place. I wish I could reach out n tell them. Don't forget your husbands while your making your babies happy. Your husbands need love and attention too. They gave you your babies that you love so dearly. They supported you and helped you build your business. They were the first to love you. Don't leave them out in the cold. PTU xxx I find this very strange. For a start i never thought of it as my husband 'making me a mummy'. We made a baby(ies) together. I became a mummy when we made a child/children. Also, for many women, its a natural instinct to put their child first, its how we have evolved to make sure our young are kept safe and thrive. I think the men should be understanding about how women feel once they have become a mummy. They should help and support. Many men also feel the same. If a guy seeks sex elswhere because he and his partner have become parents and rarely have sex then (imo) that guy is a dreadful person."
i don't even think it's totally instinct to put the child first, a lot of parents don't, we just aren't stupid and know that baby is dependent on us and so we will sort them out when needed and not neglect them.
also the dad should be wanting to be more involved with his new baby and not focusing on himself and his needs. that's what having a baby is, not prioritising yourself any more and your own needs changing to fit the new lifestyle you have created.
also you noticed these guys who are being sexually 'neglected' often get their wife pregnant again not long after the last baby?
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"It's seams to me that often women who have young children get so caught up in looking after their babies and being the perfect mummy. They forget who made them mummies in the first place. I wish I could reach out n tell them. Don't forget your husbands while your making your babies happy. Your husbands need love and attention too. They gave you your babies that you love so dearly. They supported you and helped you build your business. They were the first to love you. Don't leave them out in the cold. PTU xxx I find this very strange. For a start i never thought of it as my husband 'making me a mummy'. We made a baby(ies) together. I became a mummy when we made a child/children. Also, for many women, its a natural instinct to put their child first, its how we have evolved to make sure our young are kept safe and thrive. I think the men should be understanding about how women feel once they have become a mummy. They should help and support. Many men also feel the same. If a guy seeks sex elswhere because he and his partner have become parents and rarely have sex then (imo) that guy is a dreadful person.. ..... Of course as a slightly intelligent species we should be able to work through "natural instinct" I'm sure many can but why should they ? Surely it's more important to keep the child safe and thriving ? They are helpless compared to a grown man who should be able to understand why the woman is putting the child first. Personally after giving birth and having a young child for a long time i was in pain, exhausted, emotional, intent on looking after my child the best i could to keep them safe, fed, clean and happy. Thankfully i had a husband who understood how i felt. " . It really shouldn't take up the mothers entire life though, when I was in Chile awhile back there was parents both men and women carrying around two children while working, walked a couple of miles with them into town, the children were perfectly safe happy healthy and feed still. It somehow has become a first world problem where raising children has become a massive chore that wares one out so much we can't do anything but sit in front of a telly drinking wine! | |||
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"It's seams to me that often women who have young children get so caught up in looking after their babies and being the perfect mummy. They forget who made them mummies in the first place. I wish I could reach out n tell them. Don't forget your husbands while your making your babies happy. Your husbands need love and attention too. They gave you your babies that you love so dearly. They supported you and helped you build your business. They were the first to love you. Don't leave them out in the cold. PTU xxx I find this very strange. For a start i never thought of it as my husband 'making me a mummy'. We made a baby(ies) together. I became a mummy when we made a child/children. Also, for many women, its a natural instinct to put their child first, its how we have evolved to make sure our young are kept safe and thrive. I think the men should be understanding about how women feel once they have become a mummy. They should help and support. Many men also feel the same. If a guy seeks sex elswhere because he and his partner have become parents and rarely have sex then (imo) that guy is a dreadful person.. ..... Of course as a slightly intelligent species we should be able to work through "natural instinct" I'm sure many can but why should they ? Surely it's more important to keep the child safe and thriving ? They are helpless compared to a grown man who should be able to understand why the woman is putting the child first. Personally after giving birth and having a young child for a long time i was in pain, exhausted, emotional, intent on looking after my child the best i could to keep them safe, fed, clean and happy. Thankfully i had a husband who understood how i felt. . It really shouldn't take up the mothers entire life though, when I was in Chile awhile back there was parents both men and women carrying around two children while working, walked a couple of miles with them into town, the children were perfectly safe happy healthy and feed still. It somehow has become a first world problem where raising children has become a massive chore that wares one out so much we can't do anything but sit in front of a telly drinking wine!" It didnt take my entire time, just most of it. It certainly wasnt a chore, we chose to have children and loved it. How i felt about life altered hugely once i was pregnant and my natutal instinct was/is to protect and look after my children, i still feel that way even though they are adults, that natural instinct in me has now included my grandchildren. Its a feeling i dont wish to alter. I didnt sit in front of the tv drinking wine thats for sure. I fell into bed exhausted at the end of the day. A big % of my time (when i had young babies plus toddlers) was spent looking after them, breast feeding them, preparing bottles and food, feeding them, changing nappies, bathing them etc. The rest of my time was spent cooking (for my husband and me), washing up, cleaning, food shopping, laundry, playing with the children etc. As they got older any 'spare' time was spent working plus doing the above. My husband helped when not at work. I dont find anything wrong in it. I think its important to look after children, husbands can take a back seat regarding sex for a while surely ? | |||
"I've been present at the birth of a lot of babies. I can't count the number of times a new brother cradles a new born baby to her breast, looks up to the assembled crowd, and says something as stupid as 'this is the most important thing in my life now'. The look on the guy's face..! Regrettably this is symptomatic of a society which socialises women into thinking that not only their sole purpose is to bear children, but they have a divine entitlement to do so. A frequent topic of conversation is off how sex stops after having kids. Surely this proves that the role of a the male/husband is simply to provide half the genetic material. I say this (you may have guessed) as someone who has never felt the desire to have kids. But is base on the experiences of male and female friends that have confided in me. The root of the problem? A basic lack of willingness to make a effort to remember the partner once thoughts are dominated by children. " if sex stopped during pregnancy (for no medical reason) i'd be inclined to agree with you on the genetic donation thing. you get told to not have sex for 6 weeks after having your baby anyway, while your body (womb mainly) heals. and having someone to care for 24/7 is hard mentally, as well as physically. without a break, or more not knowing when you'll get one, does nothing for your libido. you often just wanna catch up on sleep, find time to feed yourself instead of someone else, or just grab a shower in peace when you can. some babies are easier than others also. mine were easy i found but still tired me out. so honestly, until your baby has been sleeping through the night and isn't as demanding during the day for a while and mum can relax more you should accept that your sex life is gonna suffer. why on earth would anyone want to risk creating another dependent, with sex, if their own resources are already being depleted by the dependent they have at that time? | |||
" I dont find anything wrong in it. I think its important to look after children, husbands can take a back seat regarding sex for a while surely ?" Unless the man has realised that having a kid has completely removed any sexual desires he may ever have again, why should they? This type of selfish attitude makes the guy feel like they've been used simply to provide sperm. I would evidence the number of single women who are single parents on this website, and ask them what responsibilities they took towards maintaining their relationships after having children.. | |||
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"This mother always looks amazing, as do the children. They are a beautiful family but she rarely takes any notice of her husband. I wish I could wave a magic wand and show her her mistakes but I can't. xxx"With respect another woman's family life is none of your business | |||
" so honestly, until your baby has been sleeping through the night and isn't as demanding during the day for a while and mum can relax more you should accept that your sex life is gonna suffer. why on earth would anyone want to risk creating another dependent, with sex, if their own resources are already being depleted by the dependent they have at that time? " For 6 weeks you should probably avoid penetrative vaginal intercourse. But that's only a small part of the sexual reportoire. I Given the rest of the posts I would have thought that the fear of a second pregnancy would rest with the man! It seems as though it is a pretty good time to get contraception (if you intend having sex!) sorted out. It's pretty difficult to conceive in the first 6 months anyway. I'm assuming people with these strong feelings will be breastfeeding enthusiasts.. | |||
"I find this thread quite interesting, while the op die s just saying don't forget about hubby/daddy people are shooting her down. Having recently became a father I understand what the OP is saying, lots of times it's not about sex we (dad's) like a bit of love and affection too. One thing I've learnt from becoming a dad is that my OH thinks im some kind of superman, that I can be awake from 5am at work all day and home for 8pm and try tidy the house and do the washing and ironing, I help out shit loads but just I ask for a break once in a while. I'm not saying staying at home looking after the baby is easy it's not and sometimes the lack of adult company is mind-numbing, but spare a thought to us guys who get 2 weeks paternity and then thrust back to work, It's hard and still very tiring. Remember it's a two way street this baby malarkey. " Well said. How often do you see guys come in from a full day at work, having been awake all night to be handed a kid that has been 'driving me fucking mental all day' | |||
" so honestly, until your baby has been sleeping through the night and isn't as demanding during the day for a while and mum can relax more you should accept that your sex life is gonna suffer. why on earth would anyone want to risk creating another dependent, with sex, if their own resources are already being depleted by the dependent they have at that time? For 6 weeks you should probably avoid penetrative vaginal intercourse. But that's only a small part of the sexual reportoire. I Given the rest of the posts I would have thought that the fear of a second pregnancy would rest with the man! It seems as though it is a pretty good time to get contraception (if you intend having sex!) sorted out. It's pretty difficult to conceive in the first 6 months anyway. I'm assuming people with these strong feelings will be breastfeeding enthusiasts.." We were told by the hospital that just after birth is the best time to fall pregnant again so avoid or get plenty of condoms. Tbf we both avoided sex anyway. | |||
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" so honestly, until your baby has been sleeping through the night and isn't as demanding during the day for a while and mum can relax more you should accept that your sex life is gonna suffer. why on earth would anyone want to risk creating another dependent, with sex, if their own resources are already being depleted by the dependent they have at that time? For 6 weeks you should probably avoid penetrative vaginal intercourse. But that's only a small part of the sexual reportoire. I Given the rest of the posts I would have thought that the fear of a second pregnancy would rest with the man! It seems as though it is a pretty good time to get contraception (if you intend having sex!) sorted out. It's pretty difficult to conceive in the first 6 months anyway. I'm assuming people with these strong feelings will be breastfeeding enthusiasts.." you avoid penetration to avoid infection also, the cervix is still open somewhat for that six weeks and the womb is susceptible for that time. and you get offered contraception while on the maternity ward after having your baby. these midwives have got their shit together. but it's not hard to conceive for the 6 months after, lol. 4 times i've conceived within several months of pregnancy, twice was one month afterwards. my mum herself got pregnant about 7 times in 6 years, several were miscarriages but 4 were full term. so she didn't have much of a gap between any either. she wanted all her kids close together so chose to do that. the other times i was not having sex and that's the only reason why i didn't get pregnant. seriously. if your brain does not prioritise your child after it is born then your brain is failing your genes. i think because women are pregnant, and so make changes to their lifestyle for that baby before it is born, then they find it easier to adapt to the changes afterwards. and they find it easier to shove sex on the back burner, especially as sex can mean they get pregnant again so it is women who suffer with having to expend more resources. you're all ignoring that a woman has been through a pregnancy that has affected her physically and she has to deal with the effects of that afterwards, and mentally she might have been through a lot as well, during both the pregnancy and the lifestyle changes afterwards. | |||
"It's seams to me that often women who have young children get so caught up in looking after their babies and being the perfect mummy. They forget who made them mummies in the first place. I wish I could reach out n tell them. Don't forget your husbands while your making your babies happy. Your husbands need love and attention too. They gave you your babies that you love so dearly. They supported you and helped you build your business. They were the first to love you. Don't leave them out in the cold. PTU xxx " Thanks for thinking of the dads, I know when our two were born l felt like I was just a spare part and unloved I know she had more important things to think about but it still help at the time now they've grown up and fled the nest to a certain degree it's nice to be able to have us time again. | |||
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"Good points. But if a man 'prioritises genes', he'd be using that as an excuse to go straight out and fertilise the youngest and most sexually available young lady he sees on the way home from the maternity ward" not really. tournament species do that. they spread their genes far and wide in the hopes of some of those genes surviving but don't invest in their offspring. companion species invest in the offspring they created to give it not only the best chance of survival but the most productive life too. | |||
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"I've been present at the birth of a lot of babies. I can't count the number of times a new brother cradles a new born baby to her breast, looks up to the assembled crowd, and says something as stupid as 'this is the most important thing in my life now'. The look on the guy's face..! Regrettably this is symptomatic of a society which socialises women into thinking that not only their sole purpose is to bear children, but they have a divine entitlement to do so. A frequent topic of conversation is off how sex stops after having kids. Surely this proves that the role of a the male/husband is simply to provide half the genetic material. I say this (you may have guessed) as someone who has never felt the desire to have kids. But is base on the experiences of male and female friends that have confided in me. The root of the problem? A basic lack of willingness to make a effort to remember the partner once thoughts are dominated by children. " . My next door neighbour was just as bad every time he bought a new car constantly out there morning and night washing, polishing, servicing, tinkering... I used to shout over to him, leave it alone for ten minutes for crying out loud | |||
"Good points. But if a man 'prioritises genes', he'd be using that as an excuse to go straight out and fertilise the youngest and most sexually available young lady he sees on the way home from the maternity ward not really. tournament species do that. they spread their genes far and wide in the hopes of some of those genes surviving but don't invest in their offspring. companion species invest in the offspring they created to give it not only the best chance of survival but the most productive life too." . No women are just as programmed to cheat as men are, its gene diversity, you could have ten children with the same father and they all end up as crocks with heart abnormalities, where as three children with different fathers will give you a better chance!. In fact women are biologically more adapt at getting males to rear children that aren't even theres for that reason because they might be good parents but shit genes. Lifes a bummer | |||
"Good points. But if a man 'prioritises genes', he'd be using that as an excuse to go straight out and fertilise the youngest and most sexually available young lady he sees on the way home from the maternity ward not really. tournament species do that. they spread their genes far and wide in the hopes of some of those genes surviving but don't invest in their offspring. companion species invest in the offspring they created to give it not only the best chance of survival but the most productive life too. No women are just as programmed to cheat as men are, its gene diversity, you could have ten children with the same father and they all end up as crocks with heart abnormalities, where as three children with different fathers will give you a better chance!. In fact women are biologically more adapt at getting males to rear children that aren't even theres for that reason because they might be good parents but shit genes. Lifes a bummer "humans can be both of those species, tournament or companion. and i suppose flitting from one to other is common also. but those titles apply to the way they choose to have children and how they bring them up. difference is one invests in their children to give them the best life possible and this includes choosing a good partner to have those kids with in the first place, the other one chances it and hopes their genes will survive by ensuring they have many kids. quality over quantity i suppose. | |||
"Good points. But if a man 'prioritises genes', he'd be using that as an excuse to go straight out and fertilise the youngest and most sexually available young lady he sees on the way home from the maternity ward not really. tournament species do that. they spread their genes far and wide in the hopes of some of those genes surviving but don't invest in their offspring. companion species invest in the offspring they created to give it not only the best chance of survival but the most productive life too. No women are just as programmed to cheat as men are, its gene diversity, you could have ten children with the same father and they all end up as crocks with heart abnormalities, where as three children with different fathers will give you a better chance!. In fact women are biologically more adapt at getting males to rear children that aren't even theres for that reason because they might be good parents but shit genes. Lifes a bummer
humans can be both of those species, tournament or companion. and i suppose flitting from one to other is common also. but those titles apply to the way they choose to have children and how they bring them up.
difference is one invests in their children to give them the best life possible and this includes choosing a good partner to have those kids with in the first place, the other one chances it and hopes their genes will survive by ensuring they have many kids.
quality over quantity i suppose.
". I can't help not being very emotional about this shit, its just life. I had a friend that raised a child thinking it was his until it was about 9 and they fell out and divorced, he was unconsolable not about the divorce or the break up but the nine years he'd "wasted" raising the child. I was quite perplexed at his sorrow | |||
"Good points. But if a man 'prioritises genes', he'd be using that as an excuse to go straight out and fertilise the youngest and most sexually available young lady he sees on the way home from the maternity ward not really. tournament species do that. they spread their genes far and wide in the hopes of some of those genes surviving but don't invest in their offspring. companion species invest in the offspring they created to give it not only the best chance of survival but the most productive life too. No women are just as programmed to cheat as men are, its gene diversity, you could have ten children with the same father and they all end up as crocks with heart abnormalities, where as three children with different fathers will give you a better chance!. In fact women are biologically more adapt at getting males to rear children that aren't even theres for that reason because they might be good parents but shit genes. Lifes a bummer
humans can be both of those species, tournament or companion. and i suppose flitting from one to other is common also. but those titles apply to the way they choose to have children and how they bring them up.
difference is one invests in their children to give them the best life possible and this includes choosing a good partner to have those kids with in the first place, the other one chances it and hopes their genes will survive by ensuring they have many kids.
quality over quantity i suppose.
.
I can't help not being very emotional about this shit, its just life.
I had a friend that raised a child thinking it was his until it was about 9 and they fell out and divorced, he was unconsolable not about the divorce or the break up but the nine years he'd "wasted" raising the child.
I was quite perplexed at his sorrow"well obviously that's gonna be traumatic for him, lies usually are. and the more invested we are in a lie the harder it is when the truth comes out. maybe he focused more on the wasting of his time coz the fact that the boy was not his genetically was too hard to deal with? idk. or maybe he just felt it was only worth his time investing in his own genes, i can understand why an intelligent companion species type would feel that way. | |||
"Good points. But if a man 'prioritises genes', he'd be using that as an excuse to go straight out and fertilise the youngest and most sexually available young lady he sees on the way home from the maternity ward not really. tournament species do that. they spread their genes far and wide in the hopes of some of those genes surviving but don't invest in their offspring. companion species invest in the offspring they created to give it not only the best chance of survival but the most productive life too.. No women are just as programmed to cheat as men are, its gene diversity, you could have ten children with the same father and they all end up as crocks with heart abnormalities, where as three children with different fathers will give you a better chance!. In fact women are biologically more adapt at getting males to rear children that aren't even theres for that reason because they might be good parents but shit genes. Lifes a bummer "Actually scientist's have recently discovered ancient writing on the walls of caves which have been translated to " bitches be trippin' " | |||
"Good points. But if a man 'prioritises genes', he'd be using that as an excuse to go straight out and fertilise the youngest and most sexually available young lady he sees on the way home from the maternity ward not really. tournament species do that. they spread their genes far and wide in the hopes of some of those genes surviving but don't invest in their offspring. companion species invest in the offspring they created to give it not only the best chance of survival but the most productive life too. No women are just as programmed to cheat as men are, its gene diversity, you could have ten children with the same father and they all end up as crocks with heart abnormalities, where as three children with different fathers will give you a better chance!. In fact women are biologically more adapt at getting males to rear children that aren't even theres for that reason because they might be good parents but shit genes. Lifes a bummer
humans can be both of those species, tournament or companion. and i suppose flitting from one to other is common also. but those titles apply to the way they choose to have children and how they bring them up.
difference is one invests in their children to give them the best life possible and this includes choosing a good partner to have those kids with in the first place, the other one chances it and hopes their genes will survive by ensuring they have many kids.
quality over quantity i suppose.
.
I can't help not being very emotional about this shit, its just life.
I had a friend that raised a child thinking it was his until it was about 9 and they fell out and divorced, he was unconsolable not about the divorce or the break up but the nine years he'd "wasted" raising the child.
I was quite perplexed at his sorrow
well obviously that's gonna be traumatic for him, lies usually are. and the more invested we are in a lie the harder it is when the truth comes out.
maybe he focused more on the wasting of his time coz the fact that the boy was not his genetically was too hard to deal with? idk. or maybe he just felt it was only worth his time investing in his own genes, i can understand why an intelligent companion species type would feel that way.". It was the wasted comment I couldn't understand, I've always thought time spent enjoying something cannot be wasted no matter what the outcome is | |||
"Good points. But if a man 'prioritises genes', he'd be using that as an excuse to go straight out and fertilise the youngest and most sexually available young lady he sees on the way home from the maternity ward not really. tournament species do that. they spread their genes far and wide in the hopes of some of those genes surviving but don't invest in their offspring. companion species invest in the offspring they created to give it not only the best chance of survival but the most productive life too. No women are just as programmed to cheat as men are, its gene diversity, you could have ten children with the same father and they all end up as crocks with heart abnormalities, where as three children with different fathers will give you a better chance!. In fact women are biologically more adapt at getting males to rear children that aren't even theres for that reason because they might be good parents but shit genes. Lifes a bummer
humans can be both of those species, tournament or companion. and i suppose flitting from one to other is common also. but those titles apply to the way they choose to have children and how they bring them up.
difference is one invests in their children to give them the best life possible and this includes choosing a good partner to have those kids with in the first place, the other one chances it and hopes their genes will survive by ensuring they have many kids.
quality over quantity i suppose.
.
I can't help not being very emotional about this shit, its just life.
I had a friend that raised a child thinking it was his until it was about 9 and they fell out and divorced, he was unconsolable not about the divorce or the break up but the nine years he'd "wasted" raising the child.
I was quite perplexed at his sorrow
well obviously that's gonna be traumatic for him, lies usually are. and the more invested we are in a lie the harder it is when the truth comes out.
maybe he focused more on the wasting of his time coz the fact that the boy was not his genetically was too hard to deal with? idk. or maybe he just felt it was only worth his time investing in his own genes, i can understand why an intelligent companion species type would feel that way..
It was the wasted comment I couldn't understand, I've always thought time spent enjoying something cannot be wasted no matter what the outcome is"i don't know him so don't know his mindset or why he said that but i can imagine it was very taxing on his brain. a lot of men won't date single mums coz they'd have to take their kids on as their own, he may be of that mindset also. a lot of men (and women) are. and basically if having/rearing children is to invest in your own genes, that is ultimately selfish but at your own expense at the same time, then i can understand why they'd hold that opinion. | |||
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"I've seen this thread after the initial discussion has taken place but just wanted to add people are important, it's not specific to one gender or at least it shouldn't be. It appears you have as a rather old fashioned POV, laying blame at the women for neglecting her husband, thinking if she doesn't attend to 'his needs' he'll stray. I would have hoped in this day & age we would have moved on from this kind of thought process. " | |||
"I've seen this thread after the initial discussion has taken place but just wanted to add people are important, it's not specific to one gender or at least it shouldn't be. It appears you have as a rather old fashioned POV, laying blame at the women for neglecting her husband, thinking if she doesn't attend to 'his needs' he'll stray. I would have hoped in this day & age we would have moved on from this kind of thought process. " I agree. I think both parents need to realise they're the adults in the situation. There's a child or children who need their physical and emotional needs catered for ...by both of them. The parents physical and emotional needs are secondary for some time but if they both realise that they're in it together and ensure that they support each other the effects are minimised. The primary carer already has one person relying on them to fulfil their emotional and physical needs, they don't need another. I don't think it's anyone's fault but I do think that nobody but the main child carer can understand what it's like to spend months where you can't even go to the toilet alone, peel a potato without a baby in one arm and combing your hair is a luxury you can only dream of only to have someone else say you're neglecting them. You've probably ironed this person's clothes in the ten minutes between feeding the baby and grabbing a bite to eat. Cooked their dinner instead of having twenty minutes of longed for sleep and tried to at least look half decent some of the time. If a woman complains of neglect because her husband is at work 15 hours a day, out meeting clients in the evening and bringing work home with him at weekends she's fairly often told she should be supporting him. Communication is the key as is so often the case. | |||
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"I've seen this thread after the initial discussion has taken place but just wanted to add people are important, it's not specific to one gender or at least it shouldn't be. It appears you have as a rather old fashioned POV, laying blame at the women for neglecting her husband, thinking if she doesn't attend to 'his needs' he'll stray. I would have hoped in this day & age we would have moved on from this kind of thought process. I agree. I think both parents need to realise they're the adults in the situation. There's a child or children who need their physical and emotional needs catered for ...by both of them. The parents physical and emotional needs are secondary for some time but if they both realise that they're in it together and ensure that they support each other the effects are minimised. The primary carer already has one person relying on them to fulfil their emotional and physical needs, they don't need another. I don't think it's anyone's fault but I do think that nobody but the main child carer can understand what it's like to spend months where you can't even go to the toilet alone, peel a potato without a baby in one arm and combing your hair is a luxury you can only dream of only to have someone else say you're neglecting them. You've probably ironed this person's clothes in the ten minutes between feeding the baby and grabbing a bite to eat. Cooked their dinner instead of having twenty minutes of longed for sleep and tried to at least look half decent some of the time. If a woman complains of neglect because her husband is at work 15 hours a day, out meeting clients in the evening and bringing work home with him at weekends she's fairly often told she should be supporting him. Communication is the key as is so often the case." | |||
"#HusbandsLivesMatter" they do I don't disagree at all. A marriage can fall or stand by what happens between parents when a child is born. Parents need to communicate and find ways of making sure they both feel valued. | |||
like many other wives with kids on here .....god were some great wives  
If husbands r good to us then we r good to them...kids or no kids ...easy | |||
"#HusbandsLivesMatter they do I don't disagree at all. A marriage can fall or stand by what happens between parents when a child is born. Parents need to communicate and find ways of making sure they both feel valued. " This is true, the major milestones in marriage are 2, 5 and 8 years. At the outset 43% of marriages will fail. Get past 8 years and the rate is very small. I think the 5 year hurdle coincides with the stress of having young children around. | |||
"#HusbandsLivesMatter they do I don't disagree at all. A marriage can fall or stand by what happens between parents when a child is born. Parents need to communicate and find ways of making sure they both feel valued. This is true, the major milestones in marriage are 2, 5 and 8 years. At the outset 43% of marriages will fail. Get past 8 years and the rate is very small. I think the 5 year hurdle coincides with the stress of having young children around. " If you follow the meet, engagement, marriage, babies route over a shorten period of time then yes I can see that makes sense. | |||
" so honestly, until your baby has been sleeping through the night and isn't as demanding during the day for a while and mum can relax more you should accept that your sex life is gonna suffer. why on earth would anyone want to risk creating another dependent, with sex, if their own resources are already being depleted by the dependent they have at that time? For 6 weeks you should probably avoid penetrative vaginal intercourse. But that's only a small part of the sexual reportoire. I Given the rest of the posts I would have thought that the fear of a second pregnancy would rest with the man! It seems as though it is a pretty good time to get contraception (if you intend having sex!) sorted out. It's pretty difficult to conceive in the first 6 months anyway. I'm assuming people with these strong feelings will be breastfeeding enthusiasts.." Actually, you're extremely fertile in the first 3 months, I believe. Breastfeeding acts as a deterrent as your body knows you're already nursing a child but, like everything else, it's not impossible. We fell pregnant again 2-3 months after our son was born, and that was with breastfeeding and using contraception. | |||
"Good points. But if a man 'prioritises genes', he'd be using that as an excuse to go straight out and fertilise the youngest and most sexually available young lady he sees on the way home from the maternity ward not really. tournament species do that. they spread their genes far and wide in the hopes of some of those genes surviving but don't invest in their offspring. companion species invest in the offspring they created to give it not only the best chance of survival but the most productive life too. No women are just as programmed to cheat as men are, its gene diversity, you could have ten children with the same father and they all end up as crocks with heart abnormalities, where as three children with different fathers will give you a better chance!. In fact women are biologically more adapt at getting males to rear children that aren't even theres for that reason because they might be good parents but shit genes. Lifes a bummer
humans can be both of those species, tournament or companion. and i suppose flitting from one to other is common also. but those titles apply to the way they choose to have children and how they bring them up.
difference is one invests in their children to give them the best life possible and this includes choosing a good partner to have those kids with in the first place, the other one chances it and hopes their genes will survive by ensuring they have many kids.
quality over quantity i suppose.
.
I can't help not being very emotional about this shit, its just life.
I had a friend that raised a child thinking it was his until it was about 9 and they fell out and divorced, he was unconsolable not about the divorce or the break up but the nine years he'd "wasted" raising the child.
I was quite perplexed at his sorrow"Cause he's effectively just lost a son. | |||
"#HusbandsLivesMatter they do I don't disagree at all. A marriage can fall or stand by what happens between parents when a child is born. Parents need to communicate and find ways of making sure they both feel valued. This is true, the major milestones in marriage are 2, 5 and 8 years. At the outset 43% of marriages will fail. Get past 8 years and the rate is very small. I think the 5 year hurdle coincides with the stress of having young children around. " Trust me the stress of teenage years can test a relationship if you're not rock solid and prepared to present a United front  .
The perennial problem of failure to try and understand and failure to communicate without blame will dog human relationships until the end of time.
P.S. together 37 years here and we still royally piss each other off now and again. | |||
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" so honestly, until your baby has been sleeping through the night and isn't as demanding during the day for a while and mum can relax more you should accept that your sex life is gonna suffer. why on earth would anyone want to risk creating another dependent, with sex, if their own resources are already being depleted by the dependent they have at that time? For 6 weeks you should probably avoid penetrative vaginal intercourse. But that's only a small part of the sexual reportoire. I Given the rest of the posts I would have thought that the fear of a second pregnancy would rest with the man! It seems as though it is a pretty good time to get contraception (if you intend having sex!) sorted out. It's pretty difficult to conceive in the first 6 months anyway. I'm assuming people with these strong feelings will be breastfeeding enthusiasts.. Actually, you're extremely fertile in the first 3 months, I believe. Breastfeeding acts as a deterrent as your body knows you're already nursing a child but, like everything else, it's not impossible. We fell pregnant again 2-3 months after our son was born, and that was with breastfeeding and using contraception. " At least, that was what my midwife said... | |||
"#HusbandsLivesMatter they do I don't disagree at all. A marriage can fall or stand by what happens between parents when a child is born. Parents need to communicate and find ways of making sure they both feel valued. This is true, the major milestones in marriage are 2, 5 and 8 years. At the outset 43% of marriages will fail. Get past 8 years and the rate is very small. I think the 5 year hurdle coincides with the stress of having young children around. If you follow the meet, engagement, marriage, babies route over a shorten period of time then yes I can see that makes sense. " Yes, in my opinion: 2 years are the fuck ups who marry based on a whirlwind of emotions and little rational thought. 2-5 years i think is the stress of mundane marriage that isn't like the disney movies. 5-8 are the "we grew apart" types. | |||
"#HusbandsLivesMatter they do I don't disagree at all. A marriage can fall or stand by what happens between parents when a child is born. Parents need to communicate and find ways of making sure they both feel valued. This is true, the major milestones in marriage are 2, 5 and 8 years. At the outset 43% of marriages will fail. Get past 8 years and the rate is very small. I think the 5 year hurdle coincides with the stress of having young children around. Trust me the stress of teenage years can test a relationship if you're not rock solid and prepared to present a United front .
The perennial problem of failure to try and understand and failure to communicate without blame will dog human relationships until the end of time.
P.S. together 37 years here and we still royally piss each other off now and again. "True but i think the failure rate is something like ~10% after 8 years. Compare that to 43% at the start and it's a much more glowing view of marriage. The 43% is really an understatement too since a lot less people get married now and the separation of cohabiting couples won't get recorded in the stats. | |||
"#HusbandsLivesMatter they do I don't disagree at all. A marriage can fall or stand by what happens between parents when a child is born. Parents need to communicate and find ways of making sure they both feel valued. This is true, the major milestones in marriage are 2, 5 and 8 years. At the outset 43% of marriages will fail. Get past 8 years and the rate is very small. I think the 5 year hurdle coincides with the stress of having young children around. Trust me the stress of teenage years can test a relationship if you're not rock solid and prepared to present a United front .
The perennial problem of failure to try and understand and failure to communicate without blame will dog human relationships until the end of time.
P.S. together 37 years here and we still royally piss each other off now and again.
True but i think the failure rate is something like ~10% after 8 years. Compare that to 43% at the start and it's a much more glowing view of marriage. The 43% is really an understatement too since a lot less people get married now and the separation of cohabiting couples won't get recorded in the stats. "It's a sobering statistic. Do you think if couples were supported at the 8 year mark things might be different? Is it even a good idea to try and make failing marriages work? | |||
"I've seen this thread after the initial discussion has taken place but just wanted to add people are important, it's not specific to one gender or at least it shouldn't be. It appears you have as a rather old fashioned POV, laying blame at the women for neglecting her husband, thinking if she doesn't attend to 'his needs' he'll stray. I would have hoped in this day & age we would have moved on from this kind of thought process. I agree. I think both parents need to realise they're the adults in the situation. There's a child or children who need their physical and emotional needs catered for ...by both of them. The parents physical and emotional needs are secondary for some time but if they both realise that they're in it together and ensure that they support each other the effects are minimised. The primary carer already has one person relying on them to fulfil their emotional and physical needs, they don't need another. I don't think it's anyone's fault but I do think that nobody but the main child carer can understand what it's like to spend months where you can't even go to the toilet alone, peel a potato without a baby in one arm and combing your hair is a luxury you can only dream of only to have someone else say you're neglecting them. You've probably ironed this person's clothes in the ten minutes between feeding the baby and grabbing a bite to eat. Cooked their dinner instead of having twenty minutes of longed for sleep and tried to at least look half decent some of the time. If a woman complains of neglect because her husband is at work 15 hours a day, out meeting clients in the evening and bringing work home with him at weekends she's fairly often told she should be supporting him. Communication is the key as is so often the case." | |||
"#HusbandsLivesMatter they do I don't disagree at all. A marriage can fall or stand by what happens between parents when a child is born. Parents need to communicate and find ways of making sure they both feel valued. This is true, the major milestones in marriage are 2, 5 and 8 years. At the outset 43% of marriages will fail. Get past 8 years and the rate is very small. I think the 5 year hurdle coincides with the stress of having young children around. Trust me the stress of teenage years can test a relationship if you're not rock solid and prepared to present a United front .
The perennial problem of failure to try and understand and failure to communicate without blame will dog human relationships until the end of time.
P.S. together 37 years here and we still royally piss each other off now and again.
True but i think the failure rate is something like ~10% after 8 years. Compare that to 43% at the start and it's a much more glowing view of marriage. The 43% is really an understatement too since a lot less people get married now and the separation of cohabiting couples won't get recorded in the stats.
It's a sobering statistic. Do you think if couples were supported at the 8 year mark things might be different? Is it even a good idea to try and make failing marriages work?"How do you mean supported at the 8 year mark? Yes i think failing marriages can be turned around in most cases, the main exception would be where substance addiction has taken control of one of them. | |||
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"#HusbandsLivesMatter they do I don't disagree at all. A marriage can fall or stand by what happens between parents when a child is born. Parents need to communicate and find ways of making sure they both feel valued. " From what you said previously it sounds like parents need to communicate with eachother but should daddy feel neglected than tough shit because mummy has a child. What I get from the op is don't forget the father. Speaker by for myself it was hard feeling left out it's also very hard juggling work and baby I barely see our little one due to how much time I spend at work. My only break from it is the commute to and from work. I said at NCT it's not all about mother and baby, dad's need rest and assurance too. | |||
"#HusbandsLivesMatter they do I don't disagree at all. A marriage can fall or stand by what happens between parents when a child is born. Parents need to communicate and find ways of making sure they both feel valued. This is true, the major milestones in marriage are 2, 5 and 8 years. At the outset 43% of marriages will fail. Get past 8 years and the rate is very small. I think the 5 year hurdle coincides with the stress of having young children around. Trust me the stress of teenage years can test a relationship if you're not rock solid and prepared to present a United front .
The perennial problem of failure to try and understand and failure to communicate without blame will dog human relationships until the end of time.
P.S. together 37 years here and we still royally piss each other off now and again.
True but i think the failure rate is something like ~10% after 8 years. Compare that to 43% at the start and it's a much more glowing view of marriage. The 43% is really an understatement too since a lot less people get married now and the separation of cohabiting couples won't get recorded in the stats.
It's a sobering statistic. Do you think if couples were supported at the 8 year mark things might be different? Is it even a good idea to try and make failing marriages work?
How do you mean supported at the 8 year mark? Yes i think failing marriages can be turned around in most cases, the main exception would be where substance addiction has taken control of one of them. "I don't know exactly. Maybe if we were all a bit more realistic about marriage or long term relationships. If instead of concentrating on romance the pitfalls were pointed out and it was easier for couples to seek help or at least admit it was all a bit rubbish. Yeah addiction of any sort and abuse are exceptions for me. | |||
"#HusbandsLivesMatter they do I don't disagree at all. A marriage can fall or stand by what happens between parents when a child is born. Parents need to communicate and find ways of making sure they both feel valued. From what you said previously it sounds like parents need to communicate with eachother but should daddy feel neglected than tough shit because mummy has a child. What I get from the op is don't forget the father. Speaker by for myself it was hard feeling left out it's also very hard juggling work and baby I barely see our little one due to how much time I spend at work. My only break from it is the commute to and from work. I said at NCT it's not all about mother and baby, dad's need rest and assurance too." I didn't mean to give that impression. I tried to stress how important I think communication between both parents is. However as a woman I'm going to see things from a womans point of view. With the benefit of hindsight I realise that both parents need to pull together and try to maintain a relationship separate from parenthood. Its tough, for both people.. | |||
"#HusbandsLivesMatter they do I don't disagree at all. A marriage can fall or stand by what happens between parents when a child is born. Parents need to communicate and find ways of making sure they both feel valued. This is true, the major milestones in marriage are 2, 5 and 8 years. At the outset 43% of marriages will fail. Get past 8 years and the rate is very small. I think the 5 year hurdle coincides with the stress of having young children around. Trust me the stress of teenage years can test a relationship if you're not rock solid and prepared to present a United front .
The perennial problem of failure to try and understand and failure to communicate without blame will dog human relationships until the end of time.
P.S. together 37 years here and we still royally piss each other off now and again.
True but i think the failure rate is something like ~10% after 8 years. Compare that to 43% at the start and it's a much more glowing view of marriage. The 43% is really an understatement too since a lot less people get married now and the separation of cohabiting couples won't get recorded in the stats.
It's a sobering statistic. Do you think if couples were supported at the 8 year mark things might be different? Is it even a good idea to try and make failing marriages work?
How do you mean supported at the 8 year mark? Yes i think failing marriages can be turned around in most cases, the main exception would be where substance addiction has taken control of one of them.
I don't know exactly. Maybe if we were all a bit more realistic about marriage or long term relationships. If instead of concentrating on romance the pitfalls were pointed out and it was easier for couples to seek help or at least admit it was all a bit rubbish.
Yeah addiction of any sort and abuse are exceptions for me."Too many people throw this ridiculous word around 'love', that they can't define at all and then use it as a justification for who they want to marry. Even in the fecking marriage ceremonies you get idiots quoting 1 corinthians 13 which is totally misapplied. Picking a good partner requires check lists and spreadsheets. Not emotions and vague language. | |||
" I don't know exactly. Maybe if we were all a bit more realistic about marriage or long term relationships. If instead of concentrating on romance the pitfalls were pointed out and it was easier for couples to seek help or at least admit it was all a bit rubbish. Yeah addiction of any sort and abuse are exceptions for me. Too many people throw this ridiculous word around 'love', that they can't define at all and then use it as a justification for who they want to marry. Even in the fecking marriage ceremonies you get idiots quoting 1 corinthians 13 which is totally misapplied. Picking a good partner requires check lists and spreadsheets. Not emotions and vague language. " I agree. It was sheer luck that Mr N and I ended up with each other without those aids. (That and the fact that other people find us too odd) I've said it before but a friend of mine is negotiating an arranged marriage. His mum selects women she feels are suitable and when they meet they discuss what they want from life. He's already decided (mutually) against two because they aren't family oriented enough for him. I think its a great way of doing it. Real, deep, lasting love grows over the course of years so that even when you don't like each other very much you know you've got each others back. | |||
" I don't know exactly. Maybe if we were all a bit more realistic about marriage or long term relationships. If instead of concentrating on romance the pitfalls were pointed out and it was easier for couples to seek help or at least admit it was all a bit rubbish. Yeah addiction of any sort and abuse are exceptions for me. Too many people throw this ridiculous word around 'love', that they can't define at all and then use it as a justification for who they want to marry. Even in the fecking marriage ceremonies you get idiots quoting 1 corinthians 13 which is totally misapplied. Picking a good partner requires check lists and spreadsheets. Not emotions and vague language. I agree. It was sheer luck that Mr N and I ended up with each other without those aids. (That and the fact that other people find us too odd) I've said it before but a friend of mine is negotiating an arranged marriage. His mum selects women she feels are suitable and when they meet they discuss what they want from life. He's already decided (mutually) against two because they aren't family oriented enough for him. I think its a great way of doing it. Real, deep, lasting love grows over the course of years so that even when you don't like each other very much you know you've got each others back." I really agree with this. I've seen a couple of programmes on arranged marriage now and it was eye opening. Like an interview.
I want a friend for life, not a blip of lust that may die in a few months/ years. | |||
" I don't know exactly. Maybe if we were all a bit more realistic about marriage or long term relationships. If instead of concentrating on romance the pitfalls were pointed out and it was easier for couples to seek help or at least admit it was all a bit rubbish. Yeah addiction of any sort and abuse are exceptions for me. Too many people throw this ridiculous word around 'love', that they can't define at all and then use it as a justification for who they want to marry. Even in the fecking marriage ceremonies you get idiots quoting 1 corinthians 13 which is totally misapplied. Picking a good partner requires check lists and spreadsheets. Not emotions and vague language. I agree. It was sheer luck that Mr N and I ended up with each other without those aids. (That and the fact that other people find us too odd) I've said it before but a friend of mine is negotiating an arranged marriage. His mum selects women she feels are suitable and when they meet they discuss what they want from life. He's already decided (mutually) against two because they aren't family oriented enough for him. I think its a great way of doing it. Real, deep, lasting love grows over the course of years so that even when you don't like each other very much you know you've got each others back." Really that sounds like hell to me. Arranged marriage tend to be loveless affairs where family pride determines outcomes. I'd sooner have a choice over whom I marry not my mother. | |||
" I don't know exactly. Maybe if we were all a bit more realistic about marriage or long term relationships. If instead of concentrating on romance the pitfalls were pointed out and it was easier for couples to seek help or at least admit it was all a bit rubbish. Yeah addiction of any sort and abuse are exceptions for me. Too many people throw this ridiculous word around 'love', that they can't define at all and then use it as a justification for who they want to marry. Even in the fecking marriage ceremonies you get idiots quoting 1 corinthians 13 which is totally misapplied. Picking a good partner requires check lists and spreadsheets. Not emotions and vague language. I agree. It was sheer luck that Mr N and I ended up with each other without those aids. (That and the fact that other people find us too odd) I've said it before but a friend of mine is negotiating an arranged marriage. His mum selects women she feels are suitable and when they meet they discuss what they want from life. He's already decided (mutually) against two because they aren't family oriented enough for him. I think its a great way of doing it. Real, deep, lasting love grows over the course of years so that even when you don't like each other very much you know you've got each others back. I really agree with this. I've seen a couple of programmes on arranged marriage now and it was eye opening. Like an interview.
I want a friend for life, not a blip of lust that may die in a few months/ years."I think it's a good system when done well and for the right reasons. Marrying the person you most want to fuck is a recipe for 43% divorce rate. | |||
" I don't know exactly. Maybe if we were all a bit more realistic about marriage or long term relationships. If instead of concentrating on romance the pitfalls were pointed out and it was easier for couples to seek help or at least admit it was all a bit rubbish. Yeah addiction of any sort and abuse are exceptions for me. Too many people throw this ridiculous word around 'love', that they can't define at all and then use it as a justification for who they want to marry. Even in the fecking marriage ceremonies you get idiots quoting 1 corinthians 13 which is totally misapplied. Picking a good partner requires check lists and spreadsheets. Not emotions and vague language. I agree. It was sheer luck that Mr N and I ended up with each other without those aids. (That and the fact that other people find us too odd) I've said it before but a friend of mine is negotiating an arranged marriage. His mum selects women she feels are suitable and when they meet they discuss what they want from life. He's already decided (mutually) against two because they aren't family oriented enough for him. I think its a great way of doing it. Real, deep, lasting love grows over the course of years so that even when you don't like each other very much you know you've got each others back. Really that sounds like hell to me. Arranged marriage tend to be loveless affairs where family pride determines outcomes. I'd sooner have a choice over whom I marry not my mother. " | |||
" I don't know exactly. Maybe if we were all a bit more realistic about marriage or long term relationships. If instead of concentrating on romance the pitfalls were pointed out and it was easier for couples to seek help or at least admit it was all a bit rubbish. Yeah addiction of any sort and abuse are exceptions for me. Too many people throw this ridiculous word around 'love', that they can't define at all and then use it as a justification for who they want to marry. Even in the fecking marriage ceremonies you get idiots quoting 1 corinthians 13 which is totally misapplied. Picking a good partner requires check lists and spreadsheets. Not emotions and vague language. I agree. It was sheer luck that Mr N and I ended up with each other without those aids. (That and the fact that other people find us too odd) I've said it before but a friend of mine is negotiating an arranged marriage. His mum selects women she feels are suitable and when they meet they discuss what they want from life. He's already decided (mutually) against two because they aren't family oriented enough for him. I think its a great way of doing it. Real, deep, lasting love grows over the course of years so that even when you don't like each other very much you know you've got each others back. Really that sounds like hell to me. Arranged marriage tend to be loveless affairs where family pride determines outcomes. I'd sooner have a choice over whom I marry not my mother. " But my friend has as much choice as you he is able to turn down any woman and vice versa. We all choose from a fairly limited selection when it comes down to it. I do know people who were engaged at 3 years old or who didn't meet their husband or wife until their wedding ceremony. I'm not in favour of those arranged marriages but they're about 60% successful in my experience. | |||
" I don't know exactly. Maybe if we were all a bit more realistic about marriage or long term relationships. If instead of concentrating on romance the pitfalls were pointed out and it was easier for couples to seek help or at least admit it was all a bit rubbish. Yeah addiction of any sort and abuse are exceptions for me. Too many people throw this ridiculous word around 'love', that they can't define at all and then use it as a justification for who they want to marry. Even in the fecking marriage ceremonies you get idiots quoting 1 corinthians 13 which is totally misapplied. Picking a good partner requires check lists and spreadsheets. Not emotions and vague language. I agree. It was sheer luck that Mr N and I ended up with each other without those aids. (That and the fact that other people find us too odd) I've said it before but a friend of mine is negotiating an arranged marriage. His mum selects women she feels are suitable and when they meet they discuss what they want from life. He's already decided (mutually) against two because they aren't family oriented enough for him. I think its a great way of doing it. Real, deep, lasting love grows over the course of years so that even when you don't like each other very much you know you've got each others back. Really that sounds like hell to me. Arranged marriage tend to be loveless affairs where family pride determines outcomes. I'd sooner have a choice over whom I marry not my mother. But my friend has as much choice as you he is able to turn down any woman and vice versa. We all choose from a fairly limited selection when it comes down to it. I do know people who were engaged at 3 years old or who didn't meet their husband or wife until their wedding ceremony. I'm not in favour of those arranged marriages but they're about 60% successful in my experience." Why are they successful? Is it because they are like a transaction and for the need to procreate as opposed to falling in love with someone? Or is it because they may bring shame to their families if they did divorce? Tbf I never thought I'd get married but here I am I'm just glad I picked rather than my family. | |||
" I don't know exactly. Maybe if we were all a bit more realistic about marriage or long term relationships. If instead of concentrating on romance the pitfalls were pointed out and it was easier for couples to seek help or at least admit it was all a bit rubbish. Yeah addiction of any sort and abuse are exceptions for me. Too many people throw this ridiculous word around 'love', that they can't define at all and then use it as a justification for who they want to marry. Even in the fecking marriage ceremonies you get idiots quoting 1 corinthians 13 which is totally misapplied. Picking a good partner requires check lists and spreadsheets. Not emotions and vague language. I agree. It was sheer luck that Mr N and I ended up with each other without those aids. (That and the fact that other people find us too odd) I've said it before but a friend of mine is negotiating an arranged marriage. His mum selects women she feels are suitable and when they meet they discuss what they want from life. He's already decided (mutually) against two because they aren't family oriented enough for him. I think its a great way of doing it. Real, deep, lasting love grows over the course of years so that even when you don't like each other very much you know you've got each others back. Really that sounds like hell to me. Arranged marriage tend to be loveless affairs where family pride determines outcomes. I'd sooner have a choice over whom I marry not my mother. But my friend has as much choice as you he is able to turn down any woman and vice versa. We all choose from a fairly limited selection when it comes down to it. I do know people who were engaged at 3 years old or who didn't meet their husband or wife until their wedding ceremony. I'm not in favour of those arranged marriages but they're about 60% successful in my experience. Why are they successful? Is it because they are like a transaction and for the need to procreate as opposed to falling in love with someone? Or is it because they may bring shame to their families if they did divorce? Tbf I never thought I'd get married but here I am I'm just glad I picked rather than my family. " I think it's patently false to pretend there's no element of transaction in a 'love' marriage | |||
" I don't know exactly. Maybe if we were all a bit more realistic about marriage or long term relationships. If instead of concentrating on romance the pitfalls were pointed out and it was easier for couples to seek help or at least admit it was all a bit rubbish. Yeah addiction of any sort and abuse are exceptions for me. Too many people throw this ridiculous word around 'love', that they can't define at all and then use it as a justification for who they want to marry. Even in the fecking marriage ceremonies you get idiots quoting 1 corinthians 13 which is totally misapplied. Picking a good partner requires check lists and spreadsheets. Not emotions and vague language. I agree. It was sheer luck that Mr N and I ended up with each other without those aids. (That and the fact that other people find us too odd) I've said it before but a friend of mine is negotiating an arranged marriage. His mum selects women she feels are suitable and when they meet they discuss what they want from life. He's already decided (mutually) against two because they aren't family oriented enough for him. I think its a great way of doing it. Real, deep, lasting love grows over the course of years so that even when you don't like each other very much you know you've got each others back. Really that sounds like hell to me. Arranged marriage tend to be loveless affairs where family pride determines outcomes. I'd sooner have a choice over whom I marry not my mother. But my friend has as much choice as you he is able to turn down any woman and vice versa. We all choose from a fairly limited selection when it comes down to it. I do know people who were engaged at 3 years old or who didn't meet their husband or wife until their wedding ceremony. I'm not in favour of those arranged marriages but they're about 60% successful in my experience. Why are they successful? Is it because they are like a transaction and for the need to procreate as opposed to falling in love with someone? Or is it because they may bring shame to their families if they did divorce? Tbf I never thought I'd get married but here I am I'm just glad I picked rather than my family. " It's a mix. Some are successful because the partners have grown to love each other, genuinely. Some because a less than content marriage is better than whatever alternative is available. Given the current divorce rate marrying through free choice and for love isn't working. I believe an element of business like and hard headed transaction would change that. I see people who married for love suffering terrible abuse and people whose parents helped arrange their marriage suffering terrible abuse. Is it better to stay because you love them or because your family expect you to. | |||
" I don't know exactly. Maybe if we were all a bit more realistic about marriage or long term relationships. If instead of concentrating on romance the pitfalls were pointed out and it was easier for couples to seek help or at least admit it was all a bit rubbish. Yeah addiction of any sort and abuse are exceptions for me. Too many people throw this ridiculous word around 'love', that they can't define at all and then use it as a justification for who they want to marry. Even in the fecking marriage ceremonies you get idiots quoting 1 corinthians 13 which is totally misapplied. Picking a good partner requires check lists and spreadsheets. Not emotions and vague language. I agree. It was sheer luck that Mr N and I ended up with each other without those aids. (That and the fact that other people find us too odd) I've said it before but a friend of mine is negotiating an arranged marriage. His mum selects women she feels are suitable and when they meet they discuss what they want from life. He's already decided (mutually) against two because they aren't family oriented enough for him. I think its a great way of doing it. Real, deep, lasting love grows over the course of years so that even when you don't like each other very much you know you've got each others back. Really that sounds like hell to me. Arranged marriage tend to be loveless affairs where family pride determines outcomes. I'd sooner have a choice over whom I marry not my mother. But my friend has as much choice as you he is able to turn down any woman and vice versa. We all choose from a fairly limited selection when it comes down to it. I do know people who were engaged at 3 years old or who didn't meet their husband or wife until their wedding ceremony. I'm not in favour of those arranged marriages but they're about 60% successful in my experience. Why are they successful? Is it because they are like a transaction and for the need to procreate as opposed to falling in love with someone? Or is it because they may bring shame to their families if they did divorce? Tbf I never thought I'd get married but here I am I'm just glad I picked rather than my family. It's a mix. Some are successful because the partners have grown to love each other, genuinely. Some because a less than content marriage is better than whatever alternative is available. Given the current divorce rate marrying through free choice and for love isn't working. I believe an element of business like and hard headed transaction would change that. I see people who married for love suffering terrible abuse and people whose parents helped arrange their marriage suffering terrible abuse. Is it better to stay because you love them or because your family expect you to." Neitger, but people still stay together. So what happens if the arranged couple finally realise they don't like each other? | |||
" Really that sounds like hell to me. Arranged marriage tend to be loveless affairs where family pride determines outcomes. I'd sooner have a choice over whom I marry not my mother. But my friend has as much choice as you he is able to turn down any woman and vice versa. We all choose from a fairly limited selection when it comes down to it. I do know people who were engaged at 3 years old or who didn't meet their husband or wife until their wedding ceremony. I'm not in favour of those arranged marriages but they're about 60% successful in my experience. Why are they successful? Is it because they are like a transaction and for the need to procreate as opposed to falling in love with someone? Or is it because they may bring shame to their families if they did divorce? Tbf I never thought I'd get married but here I am I'm just glad I picked rather than my family. It's a mix. Some are successful because the partners have grown to love each other, genuinely. Some because a less than content marriage is better than whatever alternative is available. Given the current divorce rate marrying through free choice and for love isn't working. I believe an element of business like and hard headed transaction would change that. I see people who married for love suffering terrible abuse and people whose parents helped arrange their marriage suffering terrible abuse. Is it better to stay because you love them or because your family expect you to. Neitger, but people still stay together. So what happens if the arranged couple finally realise they don't like each other? " Once they're married or before? It depends really, some people have no choice and stay together. Some divorce. Some women prefer to be totally estranged from their family rather than marry someone they don't want to. I don't say the bad side of arranged marriages is any better than the bad side of love matches. I do think that successful marriages that originate from either will share similar attributes. | |||
