FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Expecting too much from people...
Expecting too much from people...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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After 10 months on Fab and a few let-downs, I've started to wonder if I expect too much from people on here.
I tend to find myself frustrated if I'm let down by someone. For example, a meet cancels and then, the same night, they put a meet request up, or a FWB says he's coming to meet you and you don't hear from them. To me, that's a good enough reason to not ever give someone your time ever again. I suppose I feel like a walk-over if I give second chances so I just move on.
So, as it's an NSA site, how much are you willing to put up with in the name of casual sex!? Do you take the laid back approach or do you expect higher standards?
Asking for a friend...
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I never expect anything when I message people on here, yes, I make the first move often but usually to compliment a pic or the like. I find this laid back approach to work well and have more meets because of it. I never expect any contact to result in a meet so if they do, its a bonus. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ya. I'm not willing to be treated like that. Apparently it makes me weak and bitter. If so, I'm good with that
I think we're all just too disposable and replaceable on fab, and probably any kind of Internet interaction site. I can see how clubs could be a better way to meet people. We're all less likely to be a cunt to someone in person. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"no, i expect a lot more than i get offered tbh.
well i don't expect much from this site but secretly i hope for more, if that makes sense?"
Definitely. I think that's a good personality trait though, ever-hopeful but realistic. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I never expect anything when I message people on here, yes, I make the first move often but usually to compliment a pic or the like. I find this laid back approach to work well and have more meets because of it. I never expect any contact to result in a meet so if they do, its a bonus."
What about when things progress and someone turns into a friend. Would your expectations change? |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
•+• Access Denied •+• |
"no, i expect a lot more than i get offered tbh.
well i don't expect much from this site but secretly i hope for more, if that makes sense?
Definitely. I think that's a good personality trait though, ever-hopeful but realistic. "
i'm more realistic now. like i was when i first joined, i also expected nothing. thing is nothing doesn't do it for me any more. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
I've been here long enough to know that if a meet is arranged, there's a 70% chance it won't happen (for me, not assuming those stats are the same for everyone). Therefore I have become very sanguine about it all. If a meet happens, bonus! But I don't expect it to. |
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By *SAchickWoman
over a year ago
Hillside desolate |
I take a laid back approach to an extent, but in the scenarios you've described (no shows and liars) I would cut those people off, I've not enough time to be giving people second chances and allowing them to mess me about. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I never expect anything when I message people on here, yes, I make the first move often but usually to compliment a pic or the like. I find this laid back approach to work well and have more meets because of it. I never expect any contact to result in a meet so if they do, its a bonus.
What about when things progress and someone turns into a friend. Would your expectations change?"
Then I'd just go with the flow, whatever happens happens if that makes sense?! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Ya. I'm not willing to be treated like that. Apparently it makes me weak and bitter. If so, I'm good with that
I think we're all just too disposable and replaceable on fab, and probably any kind of Internet interaction site. I can see how clubs could be a better way to meet people. We're all less likely to be a cunt to someone in person. "
I completely agree with how disposable we all are thanks to the internet. It's very easy to delete, block and move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have no expectations. Either fun happens or it doesn't.
Life's too short to let it bother.
I for one would always meet if I agreed to but I'm aware folk aren't the same, so hey ho |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've been here long enough to know that if a meet is arranged, there's a 70% chance it won't happen (for me, not assuming those stats are the same for everyone). Therefore I have become very sanguine about it all. If a meet happens, bonus! But I don't expect it to."
I'm certainly learning to see the signs of a no show. I find that when they then ask for a second chance and I refuse, that I'm called out for being harsh or judgemental. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If someone wants my vagina enough they would get to it...even if it meant fighting off angry horny polar bears.
No excuses.
I Always do Hotel meets.
No exceptions.
Both pay half using debit card.
If they dont turn up....fuck it...im in a nice hotel half price....and ill be dragging the barman upstairs by his hair after last orders.
#Fempredator |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I never expect anything when I message people on here, yes, I make the first move often but usually to compliment a pic or the like. I find this laid back approach to work well and have more meets because of it. I never expect any contact to result in a meet so if they do, its a bonus.
What about when things progress and someone turns into a friend. Would your expectations change?
Then I'd just go with the flow, whatever happens happens if that makes sense?!"
It sure does!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think the expectation on a site like this is to meet like minded people but the reality is in start opposite.
Doesn't matter if you wish to meet single men or ladies, or couples. Most of the time, it's an uphill struggle. |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
Your 'friend' sounds like me! I think I expect too much from people sometimes.
If I arrange to meet someone new and they cancel I'm unlikely to rearrange. I don't have time to be messed around. If they're a friend already and they let me down I'd be miffed but things have do crop up. Although if it happened more than once that would be it!! |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"I've been here long enough to know that if a meet is arranged, there's a 70% chance it won't happen (for me, not assuming those stats are the same for everyone). Therefore I have become very sanguine about it all. If a meet happens, bonus! But I don't expect it to.
I'm certainly learning to see the signs of a no show. I find that when they then ask for a second chance and I refuse, that I'm called out for being harsh or judgemental. "
I have it in my profile that I report and block after a no show. I don't think, in the age of mobile phones, that's unreasonable behaviour. |
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I generally have low expectations, and have (on the whole) been pleasantly pleased by how things have worked out.
But I've always been a fairly laid back sort of person, and tend not to let things I can't control bother me.
It's much too much like hard work to get angry! I'll give someone a couple of chances, but then never again.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fab has changed a hell of a lot over the years, do believe there are now loads of people on here that like the thrill of sorting out a meet then cancelling, what they get out of it is beyond me??. Luckily I'm now together with a old fb hence couples profile but are finding this hard work get loads viewing profile, winking and fabbing pictures but no messages. Does seem like everyone waits for each other to message. Have started going to social events and clubs nowadays in hope of meeting the genuine people |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I take a laid back approach to an extent, but in the scenarios you've described (no shows and liars) I would cut those people off, I've not enough time to be giving people second chances and allowing them to mess me about. "
This is exactly how I feel, I take a laid back approach in the earlier stages, but when it's those scenarios, I just feel like I need to move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes. You expect too much. But this is only my opinion. I've had the same conversation with myself.
Patience soon runs out and if I put my faith and trust in someone and that gets broken, it reflect on how I behave with others around me. I try to treat everyone individual, but I no longer do. And that's exactly why I don't look for anyone anymore.
Experience takes its toll on Fab. |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
I've pretty much given up on here, either they are married and trying to play away, or they openly admit that women on here don't deserve any respect as it is a sex site after all.
Just as well the longer you go without sex you stop missing it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"After 10 months on Fab and a few let-downs, I've started to wonder if I expect too much from people on here.
I tend to find myself frustrated if I'm let down by someone. For example, a meet cancels and then, the same night, they put a meet request up, or a FWB says he's coming to meet you and you don't hear from them. To me, that's a good enough reason to not ever give someone your time ever again. I suppose I feel like a walk-over if I give second chances so I just move on.
So, as it's an NSA site, how much are you willing to put up with in the name of casual sex!? Do you take the laid back approach or do you expect higher standards?
Asking for a friend...
"
I'd never cancel a meet on the same night...but I think you have to understand many people these days work on numbers/be it males,females,couples. some will think a better offer will come or has(to them)
I like your profile OP...xxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"If someone wants my vagina enough they would get to it...even if it meant fighting off angry horny polar bears.
No excuses.
I Always do Hotel meets.
No exceptions.
Both pay half using debit card.
If they dont turn up....fuck it...im in a nice hotel half price....and ill be dragging the barman upstairs by his hair after last orders.
#Fempredator"
I love your attitude (and your hashtag) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If someone wants my vagina enough they would get to it...even if it meant fighting off angry horny polar bears.
No excuses.
I Always do Hotel meets.
No exceptions.
Both pay half using debit card.
If they dont turn up....fuck it...im in a nice hotel half price....and ill be dragging the barman upstairs by his hair after last orders.
#Fempredator"
Wow. I like your style!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If someone wants my vagina enough they would get to it...even if it meant fighting off angry horny polar bears.
No excuses.
I Always do Hotel meets.
No exceptions.
Both pay half using debit card.
If they dont turn up....fuck it...im in a nice hotel half price....and ill be dragging the barman upstairs by his hair after last orders.
#Fempredator
I love your attitude (and your hashtag) "
Youre worth more??
They lost out x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Take the good sides, avoid the bad sides and the drama that can't go with it.
Be clear, and honest, to avoid any misunderstanding and then, once again, avoid drama as well.
I really think that people can expect too much, but if you think about it, the way to avoid high expectations to be decieved is to be honest from the start.
That's what i've done since i'm on Tinder here, i got 4 fwb at the moment and they all know i see other people, and that i'll see more other people in the future, and i've never been that happy with my sentimentale and sexual life.
Be honest with yourself, what do you really want.
Then be honest with others.
Finally, enjoy the fun (: .
|
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
•+• Access Denied •+• |
"I've pretty much given up on here, either they are married and trying to play away, or they openly admit that women on here don't deserve any respect as it is a sex site after all.
Just as well the longer you go without sex you stop missing it "
i miss sex, don't miss being disrespected though. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I've pretty much given up on here, either they are married and trying to play away, or they openly admit that women on here don't deserve any respect as it is a sex site after all.
Just as well the longer you go without sex you stop missing it "
Yes, I recently had the slut-shaming from being on here. It makes me wonder how many men feel the same about women on an NSA site.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Honestly, I struggle. A lot. I'm sure I expect too much, maybe I ask too much too. That's okay though, unless others are affected negatively by it. Then I'd take stock and try to change. |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
For a first meet you always have to be wary. I would deffo expect better after knowing someone for longer. An fwb would expect to become downgraded to a friend without benefits i think. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Fab has changed a hell of a lot over the years, do believe there are now loads of people on here that like the thrill of sorting out a meet then cancelling, what they get out of it is beyond me??. Luckily I'm now together with a old fb hence couples profile but are finding this hard work get loads viewing profile, winking and fabbing pictures but no messages. Does seem like everyone waits for each other to message. Have started going to social events and clubs nowadays in hope of meeting the genuine people "
Like another poster has said, going to clubs and socials definitely seems to out those who let people down and you can meet some genuine people. I hope it starts to get a bit better for you both! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Over the years I've learned not to expect anything from this site. I don't let anyone get close enough to let me down. I've gotten to the point that I can't even be arsed to meet. Maybe that will change when my cynicism decreases |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I don't take any crap on here. Time on here has given me the experience to know who's worth and not worth talking to.
I haven't had any cancelled meets.
I have made some very close friends. I therefore would always expect much much more from them as I would give to them too |
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By *oxy_minxWoman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"I've pretty much given up on here, either they are married and trying to play away, or they openly admit that women on here don't deserve any respect as it is a sex site after all.
Just as well the longer you go without sex you stop missing it
Yes, I recently had the slut-shaming from being on here. It makes me wonder how many men feel the same about women on an NSA site.
"
I would say quite a high percentage personally. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I generally have low expectations, and have (on the whole) been pleasantly pleased by how things have worked out.
But I've always been a fairly laid back sort of person, and tend not to let things I can't control bother me.
It's much too much like hard work to get angry! I'll give someone a couple of chances, but then never again.
"
When I first joined, I gave more chances but I think Fab has hardened me a little. Completely agree with the getting angry part, inevitability it's only yourself who gets stressed out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Respect and manners are what win the day here "
I dont think they do, its pretty much how I always am. I still have been treated like crap.
It won't change how I am with people, I'm just more cynical. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Over the years I've learned not to expect anything from this site. I don't let anyone get close enough to let me down. I've gotten to the point that I can't even be arsed to meet. Maybe that will change when my cynicism decreases "
It's nice to see you back!
I definitely go through stages of not wanting to meet people, it's when I hide the profile. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The guys who speak to women in such disrespect...are usually the ones who have been on here a year and still have no verifications...as no women who values her vagina is goin to let him dribble over it.
'Hi got any tit pics?'
'Yes..but not for you'
'This is swinger site get over it'
'Serilise yourself'
' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Having been on here for two years I'm only just getting used to the type of people you can come across and unfortunately there are so many liars that you really have to be quite hard and take no prisoners. Trust your intuition, if there's a niggly doubt there's usually a reason. I should have and it wouldn't have been such a shock when the guy who wanted to be exclusive was spotted at a gang bang.
The acid test for me is imagining what advice I'd give my fab bestie if she was in my shoes. If I'd tell her to DBMO (delete, block, move on - best advice I was once given by a mate) then I'd do that.
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I don't take any crap on here. Time on here has given me the experience to know who's worth and not worth talking to.
I haven't had any cancelled meets.
I have made some very close friends. I therefore would always expect much much more from them as I would give to them too "
Yes, there's definitely a difference between what I expect from a FWB compared to someone I might meet. |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
•+• Access Denied •+• |
"The guys who speak to women in such disrespect...are usually the ones who have been on here a year and still have no verifications...as no women who values her vagina is goin to let him dribble over it.
'Hi got any tit pics?'
'Yes..but not for you'
'This is swinger site get over it'
'Serilise yourself'
'"
haha.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Respect and manners are what win the day here
I dont think they do, its pretty much how I always am. I still have been treated like crap.
It won't change how I am with people, I'm just more cynical."
I'm glad it won't change how you are with people and sorry to hear you're on the receiving end of crappiness! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Honestly, I struggle. A lot. I'm sure I expect too much, maybe I ask too much too. That's okay though, unless others are affected negatively by it. Then I'd take stock and try to change. "
This is what I'm currently feeling. I'm trying to get the balance of being laid back and when a situation requires me to be harsher. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Respect and manners are what win the day here
I dont think they do, its pretty much how I always am. I still have been treated like crap.
It won't change how I am with people, I'm just more cynical."
Yep. Sounds familiar. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I was messed around by a pair from Wakefield.
I told them when I was available and they deliberately picked times they knew I couldn't meet.
Then kept sending me messages and videos of what they were doing and saying this is what you could have had.
They were complete fanticists.
Just doing it to string me along.
Embittered me for a while.
Bounced back stronger. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think I expect too much as well.
Because every time I get let down I'm disappointed 
I think it's difficult not to be hurt by someone that treats you badly - regardless of it being a sex site.
The longer I'm here the more cynical I get. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Over the years I've learned not to expect anything from this site. I don't let anyone get close enough to let me down. I've gotten to the point that I can't even be arsed to meet. Maybe that will change when my cynicism decreases
It's nice to see you back!
I definitely go through stages of not wanting to meet people, it's when I hide the profile."
Thank you beautiful . I only came back on yesterday, after doing just that for a few months haha x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Take the good sides, avoid the bad sides and the drama that can't go with it.
Be clear, and honest, to avoid any misunderstanding and then, once again, avoid drama as well.
I really think that people can expect too much, but if you think about it, the way to avoid high expectations to be decieved is to be honest from the start.
That's what i've done since i'm on Tinder here, i got 4 fwb at the moment and they all know i see other people, and that i'll see more other people in the future, and i've never been that happy with my sentimentale and sexual life.
Be honest with yourself, what do you really want.
Then be honest with others.
Finally, enjoy the fun (: .
"
I think I expect my FWBs to treat me how they would a friend. By that I mean that if they need to cancel something, to pick up a phone and let me know. It's what I'd do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I never never expect anything from anyone; that way I don't suffer any disappointment.
My long term partner has a job that can mean he will want to meet me, then be called into work just as he's about to leave. He doesn't always remember to let me know either. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Having been on here for two years I'm only just getting used to the type of people you can come across and unfortunately there are so many liars that you really have to be quite hard and take no prisoners. Trust your intuition, if there's a niggly doubt there's usually a reason. I should have and it wouldn't have been such a shock when the guy who wanted to be exclusive was spotted at a gang bang.
The acid test for me is imagining what advice I'd give my fab bestie if she was in my shoes. If I'd tell her to DBMO (delete, block, move on - best advice I was once given by a mate) then I'd do that.
"
That's such good advice.
Thank you! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Yes. You expect too much. But this is only my opinion. I've had the same conversation with myself.
Patience soon runs out and if I put my faith and trust in someone and that gets broken, it reflect on how I behave with others around me. I try to treat everyone individual, but I no longer do. And that's exactly why I don't look for anyone anymore.
Experience takes its toll on Fab. "
Yes, I'm starting to wonder if I'm expecting too much, too.
I wouldn't let it stop me from looking for people to meet though, I'm ever-optimistic. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Your 'friend' sounds like me! I think I expect too much from people sometimes.
If I arrange to meet someone new and they cancel I'm unlikely to rearrange. I don't have time to be messed around. If they're a friend already and they let me down I'd be miffed but things have do crop up. Although if it happened more than once that would be it!! "
I'll let my 'friend' know
But yes, this is exactly how I am. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"After 10 months on Fab and a few let-downs, I've started to wonder if I expect too much from people on here.
I tend to find myself frustrated if I'm let down by someone. For example, a meet cancels and then, the same night, they put a meet request up, or a FWB says he's coming to meet you and you don't hear from them. To me, that's a good enough reason to not ever give someone your time ever again. I suppose I feel like a walk-over if I give second chances so I just move on.
So, as it's an NSA site, how much are you willing to put up with in the name of casual sex!? Do you take the laid back approach or do you expect higher standards?
Asking for a friend...
"
Not too long ago I rather stupidly accepted an out of the blue friend request late one night. Had reasonable chat with them but then absolutely nothing the following day, just blanked. So, suppose you live and learn and to be honest subsequently realised she wasn't worth it anyway so every cloud perhaps does have a silver lining! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I was messed around by a pair from Wakefield.
I told them when I was available and they deliberately picked times they knew I couldn't meet.
Then kept sending me messages and videos of what they were doing and saying this is what you could have had.
They were complete fanticists.
Just doing it to string me along.
Embittered me for a while.
Bounced back stronger."
I've heard many stories of this happening. It completely sucks, but I'm so pleased you've bounced back! |
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By *ee04Man
over a year ago
Essex |
I have to say I expect nothing. I've always met when I said I would if I can't make it I'll say as much but if I say I'll meet then I do. I have been half way round the M25 and got a message something like "my dads cousin twice removed has just shown up fro Outer Mongolia so I'll have to cancel". That really gets me once you commit you should meet it doesn't mean you have to go any further but at least see it through. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I never never expect anything from anyone; that way I don't suffer any disappointment.
My long term partner has a job that can mean he will want to meet me, then be called into work just as he's about to leave. He doesn't always remember to let me know either. "
Do you ever call him out on it or do you let it pass? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been here long enough to know that if a meet is arranged, there's a 70% chance it won't happen (for me, not assuming those stats are the same for everyone). Therefore I have become very sanguine about it all. If a meet happens, bonus! But I don't expect it to.
I'm certainly learning to see the signs of a no show. I find that when they then ask for a second chance and I refuse, that I'm called out for being harsh or judgemental. "
So why not call them out for being disrespectful or flaky? No second chances from me, but everyone has different standards and opinions. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't take any crap on here. Time on here has given me the experience to know who's worth and not worth talking to.
I haven't had any cancelled meets.
I have made some very close friends. I therefore would always expect much much more from them as I would give to them too
Yes, there's definitely a difference between what I expect from a FWB compared to someone I might meet. "
I agree completely |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've been here long enough to know that if a meet is arranged, there's a 70% chance it won't happen (for me, not assuming those stats are the same for everyone). Therefore I have become very sanguine about it all. If a meet happens, bonus! But I don't expect it to.
I'm certainly learning to see the signs of a no show. I find that when they then ask for a second chance and I refuse, that I'm called out for being harsh or judgemental.
So why not call them out for being disrespectful or flaky? No second chances from me, but everyone has different standards and opinions."
I suppose this is where I start wondering if I'm expecting too much. I do feel that it's disrespectful though. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"After 10 months on Fab and a few let-downs, I've started to wonder if I expect too much from people on here.
I tend to find myself frustrated if I'm let down by someone. For example, a meet cancels and then, the same night, they put a meet request up, or a FWB says he's coming to meet you and you don't hear from them. To me, that's a good enough reason to not ever give someone your time ever again. I suppose I feel like a walk-over if I give second chances so I just move on.
So, as it's an NSA site, how much are you willing to put up with in the name of casual sex!? Do you take the laid back approach or do you expect higher standards?
Asking for a friend...
Not too long ago I rather stupidly accepted an out of the blue friend request late one night. Had reasonable chat with them but then absolutely nothing the following day, just blanked. So, suppose you live and learn and to be honest subsequently realised she wasn't worth it anyway so every cloud perhaps does have a silver lining!"
Ahh yes, the whole 'ghosting' thing. It's very frustrating. I tend to just guess they've lost interest and move on. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have to say I expect nothing. I've always met when I said I would if I can't make it I'll say as much but if I say I'll meet then I do. I have been half way round the M25 and got a message something like "my dads cousin twice removed has just shown up fro Outer Mongolia so I'll have to cancel". That really gets me once you commit you should meet it doesn't mean you have to go any further but at least see it through. "
Yes, if I've gone to the trouble of putting make-up on, it's double frustrating! |
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I have a strict criteria when im chatting to someone. I look for words,phrases. The way they speak about other people. I get to know them. Ive never had a no show or cancellation (without a rearranged time) in 11 years.
Ive never spoke to anyone that id be willing to change my criteria for. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Honestly, I struggle. A lot. I'm sure I expect too much, maybe I ask too much too. That's okay though, unless others are affected negatively by it. Then I'd take stock and try to change.
This is what I'm currently feeling. I'm trying to get the balance of being laid back and when a situation requires me to be harsher. "
I think I'm on an altogether different spectrum. I won't meet anyone unless I think we'd get on as friends. Although, if I misjudge I'll panic after the meet and wonder how to move forward completely blanking the option to DBMO. I'm probably too soft for my own good but I have got to know some lovely people. I don't want to do sex for sex's sake. |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
"Honestly, I struggle. A lot. I'm sure I expect too much, maybe I ask too much too. That's okay though, unless others are affected negatively by it. Then I'd take stock and try to change.
This is what I'm currently feeling. I'm trying to get the balance of being laid back and when a situation requires me to be harsher.
I think I'm on an altogether different spectrum. I won't meet anyone unless I think we'd get on as friends. Although, if I misjudge I'll panic after the meet and wonder how to move forward completely blanking the option to DBMO. I'm probably too soft for my own good but I have got to know some lovely people. I don't want to do sex for sex's sake. "
I think that's a lovely attitude |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes. You expect too much. But this is only my opinion. I've had the same conversation with myself.
Patience soon runs out and if I put my faith and trust in someone and that gets broken, it reflect on how I behave with others around me. I try to treat everyone individual, but I no longer do. And that's exactly why I don't look for anyone anymore.
Experience takes its toll on Fab.
Yes, I'm starting to wonder if I'm expecting too much, too.
I wouldn't let it stop me from looking for people to meet though, I'm ever-optimistic. "
Good for you keeping your optimism. . FAF ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes. You expect too much. But this is only my opinion. I've had the same conversation with myself.
Patience soon runs out and if I put my faith and trust in someone and that gets broken, it reflect on how I behave with others around me. I try to treat everyone individual, but I no longer do. And that's exactly why I don't look for anyone anymore.
Experience takes its toll on Fab. "
totally agree, as a single guy I like the social side, nsa fun is a bonus. however when alcohol is involved the whole social scenario changes..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"After 10 months on Fab and a few let-downs, I've started to wonder if I expect too much from people on here.
I tend to find myself frustrated if I'm let down by someone. For example, a meet cancels and then, the same night, they put a meet request up, or a FWB says he's coming to meet you and you don't hear from them. To me, that's a good enough reason to not ever give someone your time ever again. I suppose I feel like a walk-over if I give second chances so I just move on.
So, as it's an NSA site, how much are you willing to put up with in the name of casual sex!? Do you take the laid back approach or do you expect higher standards?
Asking for a friend...
Not too long ago I rather stupidly accepted an out of the blue friend request late one night. Had reasonable chat with them but then absolutely nothing the following day, just blanked. So, suppose you live and learn and to be honest subsequently realised she wasn't worth it anyway so every cloud perhaps does have a silver lining!
Ahh yes, the whole 'ghosting' thing. It's very frustrating. I tend to just guess they've lost interest and move on."
Yeah, I did the same but would have thought for an adult site people on it would be mature but quickly realised you must have been bored, d*unk or both so indeed moved on, after blocking you of course!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think it is wrong to expect people to treat you as a human being.
If they can't give you a decent level of respect and common decency when it comes to something as intimate as this, it isn't a stretch to question their general levels of behaviour.
If they don't meet your standards then moving on is the only option. Just takes time to people out. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Interesting thread, thanks for posting
For me, there's a number of factors that come into play, firstly I started off with low expectations of 'success' here.
Secondly, because of my circumstances and personal preference, I'm not looking for loads of meets or one offs, so tend to take my time getting to know people through chatting, or observing them on the forums etc to establish a connection of sorts, and through that a level of trust - so when it does come to arranging a meet, I have a fairly high level of confidence that the meet will go ahead, or if it's cancelled at the last minute that it's with good and valid reason.
So it's not really a problem I've faced in my, albeit limited, experience - I'd certainly never dream of not turning up for a meet myself without (a) good reason and (b) letting the person I was meeting know as soon as possible after I knew myself - and would certainly expect the same level of courtesy and respect in return, regardless of whether that was with a first time meet for a social or a regular meet with an FWB.
Sorry it's happened to anyone on this thread, can totally understand the frustration you must feel when it has. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been here long enough to know that if a meet is arranged, there's a 70% chance it won't happen (for me, not assuming those stats are the same for everyone). Therefore I have become very sanguine about it all. If a meet happens, bonus! But I don't expect it to.
I'm certainly learning to see the signs of a no show. I find that when they then ask for a second chance and I refuse, that I'm called out for being harsh or judgemental.
So why not call them out for being disrespectful or flaky? No second chances from me, but everyone has different standards and opinions.
I suppose this is where I start wondering if I'm expecting too much. I do feel that it's disrespectful though."
As someone who, even after years of swinging exposure, still invests "too much" emotion in encounters that most see as throwaway, I sympathise with what you feel. Somebody hit the nail on the head when they said you (and everyone on here) need a thicker skin.
However one thing - I would make sure you let your fwb know what you expected and that your expectation wasn't met. It sounds like perhaps they think what you have is way more casual than what you think you have. Just check with everyone, to know that you are on the same page. There is no standard, so make no assumptions. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think it's unreasonable to expect to be treated with courtesy.
Just not showing up, without some kind of contact to say you won't be showing up, is just a shitty thing to do to someone. Be they male or female.
And if someone messes about setting up a meet then one strike and out is not unfair. We all have other things we could get on with, other people we could meet.
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I think we all expect too much of people in the outside world too. We assume because we wouldn't behave in a certain manner and we have courtesy and consideration that others do too. It's because these things come naturally, you don't have to make a conscious effort, it's instinct to be a decent human.
Unfortunately it's not natural to some.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't meet on a whim, I take time to get to know someone 1st so have never had a no-show in the traditional sense.
I have cancelled and been cancelled on last minute but that's to be expected. |
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For me Fab and meeting someone for here isn't the be all and end all for me - I had a couple of meets organised for the weekend and they fell through for various reasons (ie I got cancelled on  ) but I am not bitter.
Also if I arrange to meet someone then that is what I will do. It isn't difficult to do as you say!!
Just show a bit of respect. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Honestly, I struggle. A lot. I'm sure I expect too much, maybe I ask too much too. That's okay though, unless others are affected negatively by it. Then I'd take stock and try to change.
This is what I'm currently feeling. I'm trying to get the balance of being laid back and when a situation requires me to be harsher.
I think I'm on an altogether different spectrum. I won't meet anyone unless I think we'd get on as friends. Although, if I misjudge I'll panic after the meet and wonder how to move forward completely blanking the option to DBMO. I'm probably too soft for my own good but I have got to know some lovely people. I don't want to do sex for sex's sake.
I think that's a lovely attitude "
Thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I just expect a good mutual social time if that leads to the bedroom then cool if not I wont worry about it there's more to life then a quick legover.
It pays to get to know someone first a little. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Respect and manners are what win the day here "
But very hard to find sometimes, especially post-meet. That said I've been lucky enough to meet three wonderful exceptions in the last two days. Please forgive my post-coital gloating. |
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We dont really expect much these days tbh ,it can be tough to meet other couples who we both like and are attracted to.
Im probably harsher than Jack is,in the sense of deleting people and dismissing messages,but I was a single female on here and you deffo have to stick to your guns here.
Miss |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't hold any delusions about the concepts of "friends with benefits", we meet people we consider not to be dickheads from the conversations we've had and haven't been stood up yet. |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
I expect good manners and consideration. Beyond that it's a daily voyage of discovery. One thing is for certain though, there are no second chances with me. I'm happy to invest time and effort with people but if I get a whiff of anything untoward then it's finished with. It's something that is not up for debate or negotiation and that is because I have self respect. |
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I guess sometimes there are legit reasons for people to cancel but even then I would expect it to be dealt with respectfully and with tact. If we detect an aroma of bs we block and move on. You're within your rights to have some expectations, as its your time they're wasting. |
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"Ya. I'm not willing to be treated like that. Apparently it makes me weak and bitter. If so, I'm good with that
I think we're all just too disposable and replaceable on fab, and probably any kind of Internet interaction site. I can see how clubs could be a better way to meet people. We're all less likely to be a cunt to someone in person. "
Elpis you used the word cumt and I salute you. Good Saxon word that, comes from the heart |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"After 10 months on Fab and a few let-downs, I've started to wonder if I expect too much from people on here.
I tend to find myself frustrated if I'm let down by someone. For example, a meet cancels and then, the same night, they put a meet request up, or a FWB says he's coming to meet you and you don't hear from them. To me, that's a good enough reason to not ever give someone your time ever again. I suppose I feel like a walk-over if I give second chances so I just move on.
Asking for a friend... "
I feel the same.
A friend would be nice but it's not easy on here. |
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"If someone wants my vagina enough they would get to it...even if it meant fighting off angry horny polar bears.
No excuses.
I Always do Hotel meets.
No exceptions.
Both pay half using debit card.
If they dont turn up....fuck it...im in a nice hotel half price....and ill be dragging the barman upstairs by his hair after last orders.
#Fempredator"
ha ha love it. I just messaged you as your post made me chuckle |
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"Ya. I'm not willing to be treated like that. Apparently it makes me weak and bitter. If so, I'm good with that
I think we're all just too disposable and replaceable on fab, and probably any kind of Internet interaction site. I can see how clubs could be a better way to meet people. We're all less likely to be a cunt to someone in person. Elpis you used the word cumt and I salute you. Good Saxon word that, comes from the heart"
cunt! My cunting phone intervened |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Honestly, I struggle. A lot. I'm sure I expect too much, maybe I ask too much too. That's okay though, unless others are affected negatively by it. Then I'd take stock and try to change.
This is what I'm currently feeling. I'm trying to get the balance of being laid back and when a situation requires me to be harsher.
I think I'm on an altogether different spectrum. I won't meet anyone unless I think we'd get on as friends. Although, if I misjudge I'll panic after the meet and wonder how to move forward completely blanking the option to DBMO. I'm probably too soft for my own good but I have got to know some lovely people. I don't want to do sex for sex's sake. "
I also don't meet anyone who I don't feel I could be friends with. I take time getting to know someone, which is why I expect a lot from people, I suppose. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I don't think it is wrong to expect people to treat you as a human being.
If they can't give you a decent level of respect and common decency when it comes to something as intimate as this, it isn't a stretch to question their general levels of behaviour.
If they don't meet your standards then moving on is the only option. Just takes time to people out."
Very true! |
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"Honestly, I struggle. A lot. I'm sure I expect too much, maybe I ask too much too. That's okay though, unless others are affected negatively by it. Then I'd take stock and try to change.
This is what I'm currently feeling. I'm trying to get the balance of being laid back and when a situation requires me to be harsher.
I think I'm on an altogether different spectrum. I won't meet anyone unless I think we'd get on as friends. Although, if I misjudge I'll panic after the meet and wonder how to move forward completely blanking the option to DBMO. I'm probably too soft for my own good but I have got to know some lovely people. I don't want to do sex for sex's sake.
I also don't meet anyone who I don't feel I could be friends with. I take time getting to know someone, which is why I expect a lot from people, I suppose. "
For me a social is the best place to start as if you can't have a laugh and chat over a beverage then I doubt you will be able to enjoy a fun time together....  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"
I also don't meet anyone who I don't feel I could be friends with. I take time getting to know someone, which is why I expect a lot from people, I suppose. "
I fail to see how that is expecting "a lot" to be honest - what you're asking is the bare minimum anyone should expect surely? Basic respect and consideration go a long way - and if you've invested time and effort into not only getting to know that person but everything that goes into preparing for a meet - then common courtesy is NOT too much to expect. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I don't meet on a whim, I take time to get to know someone 1st so have never had a no-show in the traditional sense.
I have cancelled and been cancelled on last minute but that's to be expected."
This is why I don't meet on a whim, the soonest I've ever met someone is after a week of chatting. I've heard some horror stories from people who have met up quickly. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I also don't meet anyone who I don't feel I could be friends with. I take time getting to know someone, which is why I expect a lot from people, I suppose.
I fail to see how that is expecting "a lot" to be honest - what you're asking is the bare minimum anyone should expect surely? Basic respect and consideration go a long way - and if you've invested time and effort into not only getting to know that person but everything that goes into preparing for a meet - then common courtesy is NOT too much to expect."
Well, I suppose this is the point of the thread, I wasn't sure if I was expecting too much. After reading some of the really helpful comments, I can see that I don't.
Also, I was just about to reply to yours from further up. |
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I expect nothing at all from the site. I know that I'm just an average guy in a sea of blokes and tend to do a lot of interacting through the forums. If that leads to socials, chats, messages, meets or nothing, I'm fine with it.
I was originally on Fab a couple of years ago and took it way too seriously. Now I figure if I'm more laid back I can just enjoy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think to survive emotionally on here you do need to develop slightly thicker skin than normal otherwise you'd go bananas, and it's really not worth it "
I have the skin of a 100 yr old rhino |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think we all expect too much of people in the outside world too. We assume because we wouldn't behave in a certain manner and we have courtesy and consideration that others do too. It's because these things come naturally, you don't have to make a conscious effort, it's instinct to be a decent human.
Unfortunately it's not natural to some. "
I was talking to my best friend about this exact thing. So true. It means we feel let down way too easily though. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think to survive emotionally on here you do need to develop slightly thicker skin than normal otherwise you'd go bananas, and it's really not worth it
I have the skin of a 100 yr old rhino "
Like Alan Sugar? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ya. I'm not willing to be treated like that. Apparently it makes me weak and bitter. If so, I'm good with that
I think we're all just too disposable and replaceable on fab, and probably any kind of Internet interaction site. I can see how clubs could be a better way to meet people. We're all less likely to be a cunt to someone in person. "
You are stunning x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I expect nothing at all from the site. I know that I'm just an average guy in a sea of blokes and tend to do a lot of interacting through the forums. If that leads to socials, chats, messages, meets or nothing, I'm fine with it.
I was originally on Fab a couple of years ago and took it way too seriously. Now I figure if I'm more laid back I can just enjoy."
And I hope you are enjoying it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I just want to say thank you everyone for your comments. They're really helpful. Who knew you were such a wise bunch! "
Thank you for throwing it out there and getting us thinking |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that our aim is too low and we reach it ...
that's a quote I use on my profile...
I like to pitch it somewhere in the middle, that way I am not often disappointed |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The greatest danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that our aim is too low and we reach it ...
that's a quote I use on my profile...
I like to pitch it somewhere in the middle, that way I am not often disappointed "
I definitely pitch mine in the middle, unless I've had a bottle of wine and then it may slip somewhat |
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"I expect nothing at all from the site. I know that I'm just an average guy in a sea of blokes and tend to do a lot of interacting through the forums. If that leads to socials, chats, messages, meets or nothing, I'm fine with it.
I was originally on Fab a couple of years ago and took it way too seriously. Now I figure if I'm more laid back I can just enjoy.
And I hope you are enjoying it! "
I certainly am enjoying, although because I have no verifications I am probably a guy that a lot would bypass. I do enjoy thoughtful threads like this, they are good, so ty OP.
I think I am more laid back full stop these days, so all is good |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I expect nothing at all from the site. I know that I'm just an average guy in a sea of blokes and tend to do a lot of interacting through the forums. If that leads to socials, chats, messages, meets or nothing, I'm fine with it.
I was originally on Fab a couple of years ago and took it way too seriously. Now I figure if I'm more laid back I can just enjoy.
And I hope you are enjoying it!
I certainly am enjoying, although because I have no verifications I am probably a guy that a lot would bypass. I do enjoy thoughtful threads like this, they are good, so ty OP.
I think I am more laid back full stop these days, so all is good "
Ahh you're very welcome
Being a bit more laid back is certainly something I think we're all trying to achieve. |
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"I expect nothing at all from the site. I know that I'm just an average guy in a sea of blokes and tend to do a lot of interacting through the forums. If that leads to socials, chats, messages, meets or nothing, I'm fine with it.
I was originally on Fab a couple of years ago and took it way too seriously. Now I figure if I'm more laid back I can just enjoy.
And I hope you are enjoying it!
I certainly am enjoying, although because I have no verifications I am probably a guy that a lot would bypass. I do enjoy thoughtful threads like this, they are good, so ty OP.
I think I am more laid back full stop these days, so all is good
Ahh you're very welcome
Being a bit more laid back is certainly something I think we're all trying to achieve. "
sends secrets... haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I'm both impressed and surprised by the responses here. As a single guy I have experienced no shows being blocked travelling ling distanced for meets only to get a txt 10 minutes before the meet to say my cat has died etc.
I maybe have become accustomed to the nature of fab and the levels of disrespect some have for others perhaps because it's so easy when much interaction is by txt to forget that behind the pixels are people with lives and concerns of their own and even some who simply get their kicks by messing around in the lives of fabbers. This is by no means restricted to newbies and maybe the lack of initial real world interaction makes some forget that they are dealing with other people and that if they were the recipients of such behaviour then they would be hurt demoralised angry etc at how they were being treated.
My own expectations of people are that they would treat each other with honesty integrity and courtesy no matter what the situation or relationship. However I can't control the actions of others cannot get inside their minds and why they may act as they do...so there is little point in trying rationalise the actions of others. Simply stay true to yourself trust in the good in people until they prove otherwise and travel in hope that those we connect with are indeed worth out time worth our trust worth accepting into out lives...
The others are a vacation we can all do without.
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For me it depends, ive only had one guy cancel or stand me up. Yet I carry on, and reschedule.
Im sure sooner rather than later I'll say enough, but for now im ok with it
So basically it depends on you and the connection.
There are the mythical regulars, I was lucky to have one for 6 months and I guess hes given me faith in fab when it works, works well
Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"After 10 months on Fab and a few let-downs, I've started to wonder if I expect too much from people on here.
I tend to find myself frustrated if I'm let down by someone. For example, a meet cancels and then, the same night, they put a meet request up, or a FWB says he's coming to meet you and you don't hear from them. To me, that's a good enough reason to not ever give someone your time ever again. I suppose I feel like a walk-over if I give second chances so I just move on.
So, as it's an NSA site, how much are you willing to put up with in the name of casual sex!? Do you take the laid back approach or do you expect higher standards?
Asking for a friend...
"
well the scenario you've laid down not good ive been let down plenty but that does seem extreme hey just think positive lots of good guys around like me xx |
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By *ficouldMan
over a year ago
a quandary, could you change my mind? |
" I've started to wonder if I expect too much from people on here. "
Nothing wrong with high expectations.
"
I tend to find myself frustrated if I'm let down by someone.
"
Let down comes in many different ways. It's about not putting yourself in the situation again if possible I think.
" I suppose I feel like a walk-over if I give second chances so I just move on."
You have to do what feels right, but sometimes it's hard to walk away
"
So, as it's an NSA site, how much are you willing to put up with in the name of casual sex!?
"
Use the site as you feel comfortable, not as others feel comfortable if it's not NSA you want then don't except it as that.
"
Do you take the laid back approach or do you expect higher standards?
"
My standards are high, I give respect and hope to receive it back, but not everyone think the same way, so a selective approach is the way for me.
Good luck OP |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm both impressed and surprised by the responses here. As a single guy I have experienced no shows being blocked travelling ling distanced for meets only to get a txt 10 minutes before the meet to say my cat has died etc.
I maybe have become accustomed to the nature of fab and the levels of disrespect some have for others perhaps because it's so easy when much interaction is by txt to forget that behind the pixels are people with lives and concerns of their own and even some who simply get their kicks by messing around in the lives of fabbers. This is by no means restricted to newbies and maybe the lack of initial real world interaction makes some forget that they are dealing with other people and that if they were the recipients of such behaviour then they would be hurt demoralised angry etc at how they were being treated.
My own expectations of people are that they would treat each other with honesty integrity and courtesy no matter what the situation or relationship. However I can't control the actions of others cannot get inside their minds and why they may act as they do...so there is little point in trying rationalise the actions of others. Simply stay true to yourself trust in the good in people until they prove otherwise and travel in hope that those we connect with are indeed worth out time worth our trust worth accepting into out lives...
The others are a vacation we can all do without.
"
This is great... Thanks so much for sharing.
I understand, to some extent, that people bail from meets and early messages, but I struggle when it's someone I call a friend. Like you say, it's not restricted to newbies on here.
After reading the responses on here though, it seems many of us expect some decent level of respect and courtesy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think I must have been lucky, with the exception of one person I've never had anybody cancel a meet or be a no show and that one person I kind of half expected it anyway.
I don't know if it's because I'm very laid back about meets and never really pursue anyone so when a meet is arranged it's usually off the back of them initiating it not me and so I know they are definitely keen.
Once someone is a regular though then I would be more tolerant of them cancelling as I would be more sure it was for genuine reasons, although there is obviously a limit to that. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think I must have been lucky, with the exception of one person I've never had anybody cancel a meet or be a no show and that one person I kind of half expected it anyway.
I don't know if it's because I'm very laid back about meets and never really pursue anyone so when a meet is arranged it's usually off the back of them initiating it not me and so I know they are definitely keen.
Once someone is a regular though then I would be more tolerant of them cancelling as I would be more sure it was for genuine reasons, although there is obviously a limit to that."
Is this why you're horizontal in a lot of your pictures!?
Totally agree on your last point regarding tolerance. I can do cancellations but just not a no show... |
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By *anKevCouple
over a year ago
Tunbridge wells |
" We're all less likely to be a cunt to someone in person. "
For some reason that made me chuckle but the main reason is that we do not have screens n keyboards to hide behind when we meet in person |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" I've started to wonder if I expect too much from people on here.
Nothing wrong with high expectations.
I tend to find myself frustrated if I'm let down by someone.
Let down comes in many different ways. It's about not putting yourself in the situation again if possible I think.
I suppose I feel like a walk-over if I give second chances so I just move on.
You have to do what feels right, but sometimes it's hard to walk away
So, as it's an NSA site, how much are you willing to put up with in the name of casual sex!?
Use the site as you feel comfortable, not as others feel comfortable if it's not NSA you want then don't except it as that.
Do you take the laid back approach or do you expect higher standards?
My standards are high, I give respect and hope to receive it back, but not everyone think the same way, so a selective approach is the way for me.
Good luck OP "
|
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I feel your pain OP, it's ruddy frustrating. I go for the 'you only get one chance with me' stance.
Only person I let that slide with was a FWB of two years who I finally had enough of this week. We were friends outside of sex but have deleted him from here and all social media. Was tough but feel a huge weight lifted. NEXT! |
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I won't put up with any shit either. I chat for quite some time before agreeing to meet. If they can't do that then their loss.
All the meets I've had have turned out great. So, so far it's worked well.
Op don't put up with anything less than high standards. There's some out there. |
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"After 10 months on Fab and a few let-downs, I've started to wonder if I expect too much from people on here.
I tend to find myself frustrated if I'm let down by someone. For example, a meet cancels and then, the same night, they put a meet request up, or a FWB says he's coming to meet you and you don't hear from them. To me, that's a good enough reason to not ever give someone your time ever again. I suppose I feel like a walk-over if I give second chances so I just move on.
So, as it's an NSA site, how much are you willing to put up with in the name of casual sex!? Do you take the laid back approach or do you expect higher standards?
Asking for a friend...
"
NSA means something different to each person. I think that's where the communication and clarity are important so people know exactly what they're getting themselves into.
I meet people I feel connected to, whom I view as potentially becoming a friend with benefits that I can plan fun adventures with and be completely open with about my sexual needs. I've had 2 wonderful FWB relationships in the past and would ideally like that again. The NSA part of it for me is that nobody has any expectation of it becoming a real relationship in vanilla terms ~ Its just a fantastic fun fab relationship within its own bubble, filled with warmth, affection and mutual respect, and will have its own natural lifespan. I don't view anyone as disposable, and certainly won't tolerate being treated that way by someone else. If I feel that someone views me as a convenient option or a 'plan b' I'll simply walk away. I started swinging to fulfil a need to be wanted and desired by someone special, to have all the fun, giddyness and excitement of a mutually beneficial friendship without the 'weight' and expectations of a real life relationship dragging us down. I want someone who feels as hungry for me as I do for them, as opposed to being just another sweet in the pick 'n mix ~ otherwise its just not worth it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
as soon as you are let down ...cut all ties...move on to someone who will respect you enough to keep dates and actually meet.. our advice for what it is worth...you are better than that |
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"Take the good sides, avoid the bad sides and the drama that can't go with it.
Be clear, and honest, to avoid any misunderstanding and then, once again, avoid drama as well.
I really think that people can expect too much, but if you think about it, the way to avoid high expectations to be decieved is to be honest from the start.
That's what i've done since i'm on Tinder here, i got 4 fwb at the moment and they all know i see other people, and that i'll see more other people in the future, and i've never been that happy with my sentimentale and sexual life.
Be honest with yourself, what do you really want.
Then be honest with others.
Finally, enjoy the fun (: .
I think I expect my FWBs to treat me how they would a friend. By that I mean that if they need to cancel something, to pick up a phone and let me know. It's what I'd do. "
Good grief yes - that's no friend IMO, that's a casual shag! Well, an ex-casual shag would be my recomendation!
Yes, my expectations are always too high, and through experience I have now become extremely hard work for anyone new to impress enough to make me want to meet them, lol!
 |
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"I think we all expect too much of people in the outside world too. We assume because we wouldn't behave in a certain manner and we have courtesy and consideration that others do too. It's because these things come naturally, you don't have to make a conscious effort, it's instinct to be a decent human.
Unfortunately it's not natural to some. "
Yes very true, it makes me despair of the human race sometimes  |
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"After 10 months on Fab and a few let-downs, I've started to wonder if I expect too much from people on here.
I tend to find myself frustrated if I'm let down by someone. For example, a meet cancels and then, the same night, they put a meet request up, or a FWB says he's coming to meet you and you don't hear from them. To me, that's a good enough reason to not ever give someone your time ever again. I suppose I feel like a walk-over if I give second chances so I just move on.
So, as it's an NSA site, how much are you willing to put up with in the name of casual sex!? Do you take the laid back approach or do you expect higher standards?
Asking for a friend...
NSA means something different to each person. I think that's where the communication and clarity are important so people know exactly what they're getting themselves into.
I meet people I feel connected to, whom I view as potentially becoming a friend with benefits that I can plan fun adventures with and be completely open with about my sexual needs. I've had 2 wonderful FWB relationships in the past and would ideally like that again. The NSA part of it for me is that nobody has any expectation of it becoming a real relationship in vanilla terms ~ Its just a fantastic fun fab relationship within its own bubble, filled with warmth, affection and mutual respect, and will have its own natural lifespan. I don't view anyone as disposable, and certainly won't tolerate being treated that way by someone else. If I feel that someone views me as a convenient option or a 'plan b' I'll simply walk away. I started swinging to fulfil a need to be wanted and desired by someone special, to have all the fun, giddyness and excitement of a mutually beneficial friendship without the 'weight' and expectations of a real life relationship dragging us down. I want someone who feels as hungry for me as I do for them, as opposed to being just another sweet in the pick 'n mix ~ otherwise its just not worth it "
Great description - that is the upside of a site like this for sure - it IS possible to make some fantastic 'fab reltionships'. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"After 10 months on Fab and a few let-downs, I've started to wonder if I expect too much from people on here.
I tend to find myself frustrated if I'm let down by someone. For example, a meet cancels and then, the same night, they put a meet request up, or a FWB says he's coming to meet you and you don't hear from them. To me, that's a good enough reason to not ever give someone your time ever again. I suppose I feel like a walk-over if I give second chances so I just move on.
So, as it's an NSA site, how much are you willing to put up with in the name of casual sex!? Do you take the laid back approach or do you expect higher standards?
Asking for a friend...
NSA means something different to each person. I think that's where the communication and clarity are important so people know exactly what they're getting themselves into.
I meet people I feel connected to, whom I view as potentially becoming a friend with benefits that I can plan fun adventures with and be completely open with about my sexual needs. I've had 2 wonderful FWB relationships in the past and would ideally like that again. The NSA part of it for me is that nobody has any expectation of it becoming a real relationship in vanilla terms ~ Its just a fantastic fun fab relationship within its own bubble, filled with warmth, affection and mutual respect, and will have its own natural lifespan. I don't view anyone as disposable, and certainly won't tolerate being treated that way by someone else. If I feel that someone views me as a convenient option or a 'plan b' I'll simply walk away. I started swinging to fulfil a need to be wanted and desired by someone special, to have all the fun, giddyness and excitement of a mutually beneficial friendship without the 'weight' and expectations of a real life relationship dragging us down. I want someone who feels as hungry for me as I do for them, as opposed to being just another sweet in the pick 'n mix ~ otherwise its just not worth it "
I absolutely love this.
Thank you! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"as soon as you are let down ...cut all ties...move on to someone who will respect you enough to keep dates and actually meet.. our advice for what it is worth...you are better than that"
Thank you guys, you're completely right, of course! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I feel your pain OP, it's ruddy frustrating. I go for the 'you only get one chance with me' stance.
Only person I let that slide with was a FWB of two years who I finally had enough of this week. We were friends outside of sex but have deleted him from here and all social media. Was tough but feel a huge weight lifted. NEXT! "
Ahh so frustrating. I'm glad that others take that stance though. This whole NSA stuff is such a huge learning curve! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Take the good sides, avoid the bad sides and the drama that can't go with it.
Be clear, and honest, to avoid any misunderstanding and then, once again, avoid drama as well.
I really think that people can expect too much, but if you think about it, the way to avoid high expectations to be decieved is to be honest from the start.
That's what i've done since i'm on Tinder here, i got 4 fwb at the moment and they all know i see other people, and that i'll see more other people in the future, and i've never been that happy with my sentimentale and sexual life.
Be honest with yourself, what do you really want.
Then be honest with others.
Finally, enjoy the fun (: .
I think I expect my FWBs to treat me how they would a friend. By that I mean that if they need to cancel something, to pick up a phone and let me know. It's what I'd do.
Good grief yes - that's no friend IMO, that's a casual shag! Well, an ex-casual shag would be my recomendation!
Yes, my expectations are always too high, and through experience I have now become extremely hard work for anyone new to impress enough to make me want to meet them, lol!
"
Hit the nail on the head there, Frisky. Not a friend at all. Thank you! |
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I think that's the best advice I've read in a while. We all get let down. I suppose the bright side is that you find out someone is like that sooner rather than later. Good lord, imagine if someone like that had actually turned up!! |
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The problem is people don’t get to the point. There seem to be a need for excessive ping pong mailing and half the time that is a waste of time compared to if you meet in person. You could be mailing each other for over a month and still be indecisive but if you meet within a week or two you can tell right away if you click. The reason why the club is the best place to meet. |
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