FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > What's the best action to take?

What's the best action to take?

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

This might be a long post!

I started a new job five days ago and I like it so far, everyone's been really lovely and friendly.

However, there's an older man - 60+ - who works nights there and he's often around the kitchen/restaurant area at the start of my morning shift. This was our exchange this morning -

Him - do you believe in sex before marriage?

Me - why?

Him - give me a call before you get married.

Now, that might be his sense of humour, but I think that's a very inappropriate thing to say to someone who's only just started working with you, and it made me feel really uncomfortable. I feel like I want to say something to a manager, but I think that's too soft, so I'm considering leaving it for now, but speaking up if he does say something again.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nip it in the bid sooner rather than later. . .unless you do like the older gentleman;)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This might be a long post!

I started a new job five days ago and I like it so far, everyone's been really lovely and friendly.

However, there's an older man - 60+ - who works nights there and he's often around the kitchen/restaurant area at the start of my morning shift. This was our exchange this morning -

Him - do you believe in sex before marriage?

Me - why?

Him - give me a call before you get married.

I'd leave it for now but if any other inappropriate remarks are made I would definitely say something to the guy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Tell him you feel that sort of conversation is inappropriate and it makes you uncomfortable. Give him the warning that if it continues, you'll go up the managerial food chain if necessary to put a stop to it.

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By *thwalescplCouple over a year ago

brecon

"Tell him you feel that sort of conversation is inappropriate and it makes you uncomfortable. Give him the warning that if it continues, you'll go up the managerial food chain if necessary to put a stop to it. "

This

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By *avrick15Man over a year ago

glasgow

Next time say;

You: "Do you believe in calling someone a prick before you get to know them?"

Him: "no"

You: "that's kind of how I feel about inappropriate jokes too"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Agree with the above. It might just be his sense of humour, and maybe it was his way of breaking the ice.

Leave it for now, but note it down anyway. If he tries anything else or says more stuff that makes you feel uncomfortable, politely ask him to stop as you feel it's inappropriate. If he continues after that, then note every incident down, and talk to a supervisor/manager who will take it from there.

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By *rrol.BMan over a year ago

Wrexham

This

Exactly this. Make how you feel clear in no uncertain terms and nip this in the bud.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This might be a long post!

I started a new job five days ago and I like it so far, everyone's been really lovely and friendly.

However, there's an older man - 60+ - who works nights there and he's often around the kitchen/restaurant area at the start of my morning shift. This was our exchange this morning -

Him - do you believe in sex before marriage?

Me - why?

Him - give me a call before you get married.

It's not being 'too soft'! Go with your feelings. He may just move onto the next women if none of you act to stop his behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This might be a long post!

I started a new job five days ago and I like it so far, everyone's been really lovely and friendly.

However, there's an older man - 60+ - who works nights there and he's often around the kitchen/restaurant area at the start of my morning shift. This was our exchange this morning -

Him - do you believe in sex before marriage?

Me - why?

Him - give me a call before you get married.

Tell him that you find such behaviour inappropriate and that you will not tolerate it. If it happens again go to your supervisor, no one should have be faced with being made to feel uncomfortable at work.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Personally I'd report it immediately. I've put up with a lot of crap similar to this in the past and I wish I hadn't allowed those males to feel it was ok to treat a woman like that.

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By *wisted999Man over a year ago

North Bucks

Shame him back. Tell him he's too old and ugly.

Once you have dented his ego he will back off.

If he continues tell him it's not wanted and the next step is telling the manager.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Exactly this. You need to assert yourself straight away. It's not being soft it's just saying I don't mind banter but not that as it's inappropriate x

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By *ailburkeMan over a year ago

near you

The best way dealing with that this morning

Him

Do you belive in sex befor marraige?

You

Yes i do , but not with some like you

He is playing on you being new and velnerable as the new girl he thinks he can take advantage of you all the better if there was someone there to here it you make him look like the fool he is and he will run for the hills

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

pfft I'd have said yeah watch you don't die waiting for that phone call mate, off you fuck.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

UNLESS the way he looked and said this made you feel uncomfortable id think he was just trying to be friendly - how you react to it will set the level for future banter - if thats what it was - personally id let this one go but make note of it - if it happens again and you feel its not right - then report straight away - if they say why did you not report first time you have your answer ready - ie didnt want to be the new girl making a fuss -

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By *ady LickWoman over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I agree with you OP if he makes you feel like that again mention it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you don't feel comfortable confronting him then mention it to your manager, even if you ask them to not say anything for the moment you should make them aware that it made you uncomfortable in case it escalates.

It's not acceptable to be saying things like that to people at work, regardless of their sense of humour

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By *ailburkeMan over a year ago

near you

"pfft I'd have said yeah watch you don't die waiting for that phone call mate, off you fuck. "

I like the way you roll

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By *lokta616Man over a year ago

Maidstone

Just let that one slide, sounds like he's testing boundaries. If he does it again just say you've been offended, happens again head to HR.

All the best in your new job

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just let that one slide, sounds like he's testing boundaries. If he does it again just say you've been offended, happens again head to HR.

All the best in your new job

It's totally unacceptable behaviour at work.

You have to nip it in the bud.

If he approaches you, preempt any comments by looking in the eye and say not even think about making remarks like that again.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would just say something like 'you wish granddad', and laugh it off..

if he tries it again, just tell him straight you wont stand for it and may take it further

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Update!

I talked to my manager today (as he's been on holiday for the past two weeks) and although he told me that it's that person's sense of humour, he did agree that it was inappropriate to make such a sexualized comment, and he offered me the choice of recording the comment and taking action if something's said again, my manager having a word with the person in question or making a formal report, so I've chosen the second option.

Also, another high up staff member also told me that I'm doing excellent so far and that there's been good reports about me, so yay for me!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Update!

Also, another high up staff member also told me that I'm doing excellent so far and that there's been good reports about me, so yay for me!

That's great that they're taking it seriously and willing to back you up if you want to take it further. But good that you've decided a bit of a talk will be appropriate at the moment.

And fabulous that you're getting glowing reports already x

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

I'd speak to him directly and to tell him firmly that whatever his interests, to not raise such inappropriate topics in future. I would not engage in a lengthy discussion, nor do you have to explain why he's not to, merely state the barrier and leave it with him.

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By * and M lookingCouple over a year ago

Worcester

There is an easy solution.

Pop your phone onto record next time he's in there and you then have evidence if you want to take it further later on.

You can then play it back to him and see his reaction.

That will kill it dead.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The hard thing here is that we are missing the non-verbal communication.

Only you can know how he said it. Was it with a seedy glint in his eye, or was he generally attempting some kind of mis-guided humour/banter?

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By *uzy444Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This might be a long post!

I started a new job five days ago and I like it so far, everyone's been really lovely and friendly.

However, there's an older man - 60+ - who works nights there and he's often around the kitchen/restaurant area at the start of my morning shift. This was our exchange this morning -

Him - do you believe in sex before marriage?

Me - why?

Him - give me a call before you get married.

I'd leave it for now but if any other inappropriate remarks are made I would definitely say something to the guy. "

Something sharp and harsh too.

Along the lines of "on what planet do you think there is a snowball in hells chance if that happening?" Don't mice your words. Make it VERY clear from the offset!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP - If the guy had been young and amazingly good looking, and said the same thing, would you be as upset? Or would you be telling us a very different story today?

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

[Removed by poster at 08/07/17 11:37:19]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would say that was sexual harassment - if it happens again, I would ask him to stop, and if not, go to HR, and keep a diary.

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

Having just refreshed my Equality & Diversity training, I believe the OP did the right thing. If the man in question said the same thing to men then maybe it could be laughed off as a poor attempt at humour, but I bet he didn't. This is harassment, pure and simple, and shouldn't be ignored or encouraged.

I used to work with soldiers, so would probably laugh off things that others would be shocked at, but that's not the point! The man made a sexualised comment to a new member of staff. In what universe is that considered appropriate behaviour?

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By *rnortholtMan over a year ago

Waveney Valley

"Update!

Also, another high up staff member also told me that I'm doing excellent so far and that there's been good reports about me, so yay for me!

Glad it's worked out as it has.

I'd always say nip it in the bud, but without knowing the person being offensive, who they're picking on and the place where they both work, it's not easy to say how that's best done.

It shouldn't happen and if it does you shouldn't have to fight this on your own. In some cases the quick put-down can be the answer, but you need confidence and you need to be dealing with someone who isn't just going to turn even nastier. We see enough of that here to know the pitfalls.

Sadly some workplaces deal with this very badly and while you may well win out somewhere down the road, if it's cost you your job and dealt you a whole bucketful of misery getting there, it can be a pyrrhic victory.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

"Update!

Also, another high up staff member also told me that I'm doing excellent so far and that there's been good reports about me, so yay for me!

Best outcome. I'm generally more on the informal side of things and there could be circumstances where i might make a similar joke. But definately not with someone I'd known less than a month. I think that's the red line really, how stupid to you have to be to not understand this kind of basic social conduct at work. You did the right thing and normally I'd be arguing for the guy!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Having just refreshed my Equality & Diversity training, I believe the OP did the right thing. If the man in question said the same thing to men then maybe it could be laughed off as a poor attempt at humour, but I bet he didn't. This is harassment, pure and simple, and shouldn't be ignored or encouraged.

Yeah but as he guy above a has pointed out, if it had been some 28 year old ripped Adonis, the OP may well have been somewhat flattered! Because it was a 60 year old guy, he must be a dirty old man. Perhaps we should question if the OP in fact....ageist!!

I'm playing devils advocate - but sometimes it feels like we should all just stop interacting it's in case something we say offends someone.

I totally get that men and women can overstep the mark and I'm sure people go through all types of nightmares, but only the OP can know the context of how was said.

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I'm playing devils advocate - but sometimes it feels like we should all just stop interacting it's in case something we say offends someone.

I totally get that men and women can overstep the mark and I'm sure people go through all types of nightmares, but only the OP can know the context of how was said. "

I can't speak for the OP, so have no idea how she would have reacted, but I would react the same way, whether he was 28 or 60.

Assuming women are flattered by coarse language is the way some men excuse their behaviour. 'Come on, I was only joking. If she didn't find it funny she must be a lesbo' etc etc. If you wouldn't say something to a man, why assume its appropriate to say it to a woman?

The moment men start treating women as humans, and not some kind of pastime, is the moment they may understand that coarse comments in the workplace make us feel uncomfortable and powerless, and that we have just been talked down to by someone who really should know better.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

I'm playing devils advocate - but sometimes it feels like we should all just stop interacting it's in case something we say offends someone.

I totally get that men and women can overstep the mark and I'm sure people go through all types of nightmares, but only the OP can know the context of how was said. "

The differences is that soldiers joke with people they know! It doesn't matter how attractive he was, he's being overfamiliar

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I'm playing devils advocate - but sometimes it feels like we should all just stop interacting it's in case something we say offends someone.

I totally get that men and women can overstep the mark and I'm sure people go through all types of nightmares, but only the OP can know the context of how was said. "

Actually, I would've made a point of it regardless of age, gender or appearance...

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"OP - If the guy had been young and amazingly good looking, and said the same thing, would you be as upset? Or would you be telling us a very different story today?

It would be an inappropriate comment coming from anyone, regardless of age, gender or appearance, and I would've reported it regardless.

And in which way might I have been telling a different story today?

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"And in which way might I have been telling a different story today?"

You would have batted your eyelashes, tittered, and ended up blowing him in the stationery cupboard, obviously.

Some men really do think we're that shallow. Never mind the shit women have had to go through to get some measure of respect at work.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"And in which way might I have been telling a different story today?

You would have batted your eyelashes, tittered, and ended up blowing him in the stationery cupboard, obviously.

Some men really do think we're that shallow. Never mind the shit women have had to go through to get some measure of respect at work."

That, against my better judgement, made me smile!

And thank you for your comments on this thread

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm playing devils advocate - but sometimes it feels like we should all just stop interacting it's in case something we say offends someone.

I totally get that men and women can overstep the mark and I'm sure people go through all types of nightmares, but only the OP can know the context of how was said.

I can't speak for the OP, so have no idea how she would have reacted, but I would react the same way, whether he was 28 or 60.

Completely this...

It gets laughed off as women getting offended over nothing, but if they realised how it made us feel, they perhaps wouldn't do it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

I'm a little surprised to hear this from you, Suzy.

IMO, it wasn't another way of telling Yvaine that she's pretty, but a crass, sexualised comment to a women that was clearly inappropriate.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can't speak for the OP, so have no idea how she would have reacted, but I would react the same way, whether he was 28 or 60.

I question whether what he said was overly coarse - it was clearly an attempt at a joke - ill judged or otherwise - and while it was sexual, it's not like he was chanting 'get yer tits out' etc

I'm 100% for equality, but these things always end up about men vs. women. When in reality gender had nothing to do with it. I've experienced similar or worse comment from gay men at my first job when I was a fresh faced 18 year old, and also from older women in the workplace. I'm not saying people have to put up with ongoing sexual (or any kind) of harressment - but there is also no need to overreact over one single joke.

Everything has to be looked at in its own context, and while I can imagine there are some awful alpha male environments where misogynistic behaviour festers - which should certainly be stamped out, I don't think everything can be tarred with the same brush and assume that all men don't treat women as humans.

I guess I'm trying to say that you can potentially end up in an environment where people are too afraid to say anything for fear of harassing someone. Where do you draw the line? A man may genuinely, sincerely be paying a women a compliment such as "you're hair looks nice" after a haircut - which is not necessarily something they would say to male colleague as men don't 'generally' care quite so much about appearance!

I'm not sure I'm quite making my point very well! I just think there is a fine line between being PC and turning everyone into robots

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

I'm a little surprised to hear this from you, Suzy.

IMO, it wasn't another way of telling Yvaine that she's pretty, but a crass, sexualised comment to a women that was clearly inappropriate. "

Thank you - you voiced that a lot more eloquently than I was going to.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I can't speak for the OP, so have no idea how she would have reacted, but I would react the same way, whether he was 28 or 60.

I question whether what he said was overly coarse - it was clearly an attempt at a joke - ill judged or otherwise - and while it was sexual, it's not like he was chanting 'get yer tits out' etc

I'm not sure I'm quite making my point very well! I just think there is a fine line between being PC and turning everyone into robots

In my eyes, I didn't over react - you don't know what might have happened in my past, and I do. Therefore I felt uncomfortable and uneasy about the situation, and I would've felt the same way about ANYONE making that comment, anyone at all.

That was my fifth shift at my job and I should be helped to feel comfortable and relaxed by everyone and not putting up with unpleasant comments - so I didn't. Having a laugh with friends in a work environment is something I do, but that's with friends. Not being cornered and being made to feel uncomfortable.

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By *y Favorite PornstarCouple over a year ago

Basingstoke

I can't speak for the OP, so have no idea how she would have reacted, but I would react the same way, whether he was 28 or 60.

I question whether what he said was overly coarse - it was clearly an attempt at a joke - ill judged or otherwise - and while it was sexual, it's not like he was chanting 'get yer tits out' etc

I'm not sure I'm quite making my point very well! I just think there is a fine line between being PC and turning everyone into robots

It's not men vrs women, it's people who understand social conventions vrs stupid people who don't.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

I'm a little surprised to hear this from you, Suzy.

IMO, it wasn't another way of telling Yvaine that she's pretty, but a crass, sexualised comment to a women that was clearly inappropriate. "

Yes I agree it was inappropriate fair enough if he'd known you a fair while and knew you wouldn't be offended by it,but he doesn't.

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

I'm not sure I'm quite making my point very well! I just think there is a fine line between being PC and turning everyone into robots

There's a difference between complimenting someone in their hair, which is something that can be done without iffence, regardless of gender, and making an inappropriate, sexualised remark to a new starter at work.

If you have experienced harrassment, whether from men, women, gay, straight, or whatever, it doesn't make it less upsetting for another person if you handled it differently. As I said above, I worked with the Army and can possibly laugh off comments that others would find upsetting. That doesb't mean I dismiss others feelings, and ignore a situation that has potential for getting out of hand.

But when all is said and done, the OP felt it was inappropriate, as did her boss. I am glad she is working in a place where her feelings weren't dismissed as over-reacting. Gives me hope that we are heading in the right direction.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yeah OK - nobody knows anyone's past less you've shared it with them - so only you can understand your reaction. But like I said before, only you saw the body language and intention etc. You mention that you were 'cornered' above - which does make it sound something more serious than a passing joke!?

I do get the timing issue though, it is soon to be making risqué comments. How much interaction had you had with him over the 5 shifts? Perhaps he felt he knew you better than he should have done at that stage!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Looking him straight in the eye and say loudly "pardon? Were you just sexually harrassing me?"

And walk off.

That should cool his cue.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

When i worked at the hospital i was was noticably pregnant

Id only been there a couple of months. A member of staff who had been there 30 years took it upon himself to hide in an empty corridor and wank in front of me. First time he did it i thought i must of been imagining it. Second time he did it. Lets just say he picked on the wrong person. Sheer anger drove me to do what i did how dare he pick on what could of been a vulnerable pregnant woman.

This was 27 years ago but my employers where absolutly fantastic.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

He did come up to me and got into my personal space until I was backed up into a corner of the room.

Very little interaction - maybe five minutes the day before when we introduced ourselves.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"When i worked at the hospital i was was noticably pregnant

This was 27 years ago but my employers where absolutly fantastic."

That's hideous

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

He did come up to me and got into my personal space until I was backed up into a corner of the room.

Very little interaction - maybe five minutes the day before when we introduced ourselves."

Ok that puts a very different spin on things - and reads quite threatening!

As I've said - the context makes a big difference ! A cheeky comment, maybe with others present, verses what you've written above would initiate different reactions !!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I can't speak for the OP, so have no idea how she would have reacted, but I would react the same way, whether he was 28 or 60.

I question whether what he said was overly coarse - it was clearly an attempt at a joke - ill judged or otherwise - and while it was sexual, it's not like he was chanting 'get yer tits out' etc

I'm not sure I'm quite making my point very well! I just think there is a fine line between being PC and turning everyone into robots

This response doesn't do what it set out to.

Not hitting on workmates , what ever their sexual proclivity isn't ROBOTIC. It's simple workplace respect.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

He did come up to me and got into my personal space until I was backed up into a corner of the room.

Very little interaction - maybe five minutes the day before when we introduced ourselves.

Ok that puts a very different spin on things - and reads quite threatening!

As I've said - the context makes a big difference ! A cheeky comment, maybe with others present, verses what you've written above would initiate different reactions !!"

A cheeky comment with others present is no better.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Glad you did the right thing O.P.

Hopefully you did it calmly.

To ignore the first incident is to unwittingly invite a second.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Shut that nonsense down immediately.

If it was an attempt at humour then he needs to know that he's got shit banter and is embarrassing himself.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can't speak for the OP, so have no idea how she would have reacted, but I would react the same way, whether he was 28 or 60.

I question whether what he said was overly coarse - it was clearly an attempt at a joke - ill judged or otherwise - and while it was sexual, it's not like he was chanting 'get yer tits out' etc

I'm not sure I'm quite making my point very well! I just think there is a fine line between being PC and turning everyone into robots

"
i have to agree with this final statement. Ive spent much of ny adult life working in or being involved in male dominated areas. My first week when I was a new mechanic. One of the lads quipped at me as I was getting changed... get your tits out .. laughing at me. I replied back very quickly while carrying on getting changed. " why.. yours are bigger"... the guys mates all laughed at him... and from that moment on I had respect from them.

I wasnt there with the op. I Do however imagine with his age.. he was just trying to break the ice but if the op felt uneasy then who is anyone to judge. Id have personally made a smart arsed comment and brushed it off

. But i am not the OP.

I do however get her dilemma as I had an incident at a race track a few months ago where I was torn between dealing with a touching situation myself or telling someone higher up. I Opted with dealing with it myself but later felt perhaps I should have mentioned it..

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

FFS Cali ...... I had to read twice cos I thought a 'touching' incident was something sad....

GROPE alert !!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Shame him back. Tell him he's too old and ugly.

Once you have dented his ego he will back off.

If he continues tell him it's not wanted and the next step is telling the manager.

This is best I feel but maybe not so directly insulting....he's probably trying to be "down with the kids" banter wise but doesn't realise he's just cringe.....this way you're not rocking any boats after a week and your staking your flag at the same time.

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By *uzy444Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

I'm a little surprised to hear this from you, Suzy.

IMO, it wasn't another way of telling Yvaine that she's pretty, but a crass, sexualised comment to a women that was clearly inappropriate. "
oh dear, it was so crass..i could think of a million and one more crass things, than what she experienced, then again maybe ive had more experience of the world, maybe shes on fab and is a virgin..of course here we are all wanton hussies, couldnt possibly be seen to be anything but demure and chaste in our working sphere. it was banter..it wasnt threatening, he didnt stick his hand anywhere..he made a joke, i bet he thinks shes such a laugh now, great work colleague...such fun to hang around with.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This response doesn't do what it set out to.

Not hitting on workmates , what ever their sexual proclivity isn't ROBOTIC. It's simple workplace respect. "

I'm obviously not aware where you have worked previously - but in the (big, office based) companies I've worked, workplace romances were fairly common! That can't happen unless someone hits on someone at some point!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

I'm a little surprised to hear this from you, Suzy.

IMO, it wasn't another way of telling Yvaine that she's pretty, but a crass, sexualised comment to a women that was clearly inappropriate. oh dear, it was so crass..i could think of a million and one more crass things, than what she experienced, then again maybe ive had more experience of the world, maybe shes on fab and is a virgin..of course here we are all wanton hussies, couldnt possibly be seen to be anything but demure and chaste in our working sphere. it was banter..it wasnt threatening, he didnt stick his hand anywhere..he made a joke, i bet he thinks shes such a laugh now, great work colleague...such fun to hang around with.

Wow

So intimidating her with invading her personal space, making her feel uncomfortable, that's ok because she's on here? I thought it was only the men that were so disrespectful.

Yeah what were you wearing OP? If it was anything less covered than a polo neck sweater and thick trousers, it's your fault and not his.

Women deserve to be treated like sex toys for men's amusement. Don't ever forget that ladies.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

This response doesn't do what it set out to.

Not hitting on workmates , what ever their sexual proclivity isn't ROBOTIC. It's simple workplace respect.

This wasn't and isn't a romance.

Romances can begin on a works night out. A walk home. A lift in a car.

She wasn't talking romance.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

I'm a little surprised to hear this from you, Suzy.

This response is very close to the 'if you don't want my sexual advances i'll call you a lesbian or a miserable bitch' ....... type of response.

Mmmmmm no it's not close. It's EXACTLY that type of response.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

I'm a little surprised to hear this from you, Suzy.

Wow

So intimidating her with invading her personal space, making her feel uncomfortable, that's ok because she's on here? I thought it was only the men that were so disrespectful.

Yeah what were you wearing OP? If it was anything less covered than a polo neck sweater and thick trousers, it's your fault and not his.

Women deserve to be treated like sex toys for men's amusement. Don't ever forget that ladies.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"OP - If the guy had been young and amazingly good looking, and said the same thing, would you be as upset? Or would you be telling us a very different story today?

It would be an inappropriate comment coming from anyone, regardless of age, gender or appearance, and I would've reported it regardless.

And in which way might I have been telling a different story today?"

Maybe if he'd been your fantasy you'd be telling us how you worshiped his cock all night... for example.

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

I'm a little surprised to hear this from you, Suzy.

If the comment was made on here, at a club, on a meet, even at a Fab social, it might be considered a bit sad, but not bad. But Yvaine was at work! She had recently started a new job, and was probably feeling a tad unsure of herself and still feeling her way in the office dynamics. Then a guy who she barely knew comes up and propositions her. I'm sorry, not appropriate in anyway way, and people who say 'ho, ho, he was only joking.' are missing the point. She was made to feel bad.

I know its difficult for people on Fab to remember there are situations where sexualising everything is odd, but unless you work in a brothel, your job should be one of them.

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By *uzy444Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

I'm a little surprised to hear this from you, Suzy.

Wow

So intimidating her with invading her personal space, making her feel uncomfortable, that's ok because she's on here? I thought it was only the men that were so disrespectful.

Yeah what were you wearing OP? If it was anything less covered than a polo neck sweater and thick trousers, it's your fault and not his.

Women deserve to be treated like sex toys for men's amusement. Don't ever forget that ladies.

"
im saying there was probably a better way to handle the first comment, than to run to management and plead sexual harassment. it wasn't as though it was 'get in the cupboard and suck me off or you'll lose your job' was it?

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By *dwalu2Couple over a year ago

Bristol

"imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

I'm a little surprised to hear this from you, Suzy.

Whete do you even start with this? Get a clue, for goodness sakes.

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By *dwalu2Couple over a year ago

Bristol

"imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

I'm a little surprised to hear this from you, Suzy.

Wow

So intimidating her with invading her personal space, making her feel uncomfortable, that's ok because she's on here? I thought it was only the men that were so disrespectful.

Yeah what were you wearing OP? If it was anything less covered than a polo neck sweater and thick trousers, it's your fault and not his.

Women deserve to be treated like sex toys for men's amusement. Don't ever forget that ladies.

im saying there was probably a better way to handle the first comment, than to run to management and plead sexual harassment. it wasn't as though it was 'get in the cupboard and suck me off or you'll lose your job' was it?"

Do you not understand that someone explicitly suggesting they want to have sex with a work colleague, in any way at all, is completely unacceptable in the workplace? Even 'for banter'?

Your comments here beggar belief, they really do.

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By *uzy444Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

I'm a little surprised to hear this from you, Suzy.

Whete do you even start with this? Get a clue, for goodness sakes.

"
a clue about political correctness in one place but not another? the fact it seems important in one context and not another. ok you all would deal with it in the way stated, i wouldnt. that's the point and its my opinion she overreacted and 'inappropriate' or not, that is my opinion..if that is the worst comment she will ever have to deal with in life then she would have been wrapped in cotton wool till she dies...grow some..

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By *uzy444Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

I'm a little surprised to hear this from you, Suzy.

Wow

So intimidating her with invading her personal space, making her feel uncomfortable, that's ok because she's on here? I thought it was only the men that were so disrespectful.

Yeah what were you wearing OP? If it was anything less covered than a polo neck sweater and thick trousers, it's your fault and not his.

Women deserve to be treated like sex toys for men's amusement. Don't ever forget that ladies.

Do you not understand that someone explicitly suggesting they want to have sex with a work colleague, in any way at all, is completely unacceptable in the workplace? Even 'for banter'?

Your comments here beggar belief, they really do."
im glad im self employed since i was 19 then..the jobs i had before that the manager himself used to slide his hand up and down my leg and as a bar maid i used to get numerous comments that i brushed off, apart from one guy you i got to his room, got him naked, while i was still dressed, looked him up and down and said, was that the best he could do, and i walked out...the first i threatened with court action if he did it to any girl ever again and the second was very polite to me after that.. i deal, i just don't think one comment makes someone a pervert..

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By *dwalu2Couple over a year ago

Bristol

"imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

I'm a little surprised to hear this from you, Suzy.

Whete do you even start with this? Get a clue, for goodness sakes.

a clue about political correctness in one place but not another? the fact it seems important in one context and not another. ok you all would deal with it in the way stated, i wouldnt. that's the point and its my opinion she overreacted and 'inappropriate' or not, that is my opinion..if that is the worst comment she will ever have to deal with in life then she would have been wrapped in cotton wool till she dies...grow some.."

Your opinion is wrong. This is about this incident, anything else she may or may not have to deal with is an irrelevance.

The way you would have dealt with the situation is exactly what gives people the license to carry on acting inappropriately to work colleagues. Balls have nothing to do with it. Intelligence and respect for fellow workers, on the other hand, do.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

I'm a little surprised to hear this from you, Suzy.

Whete do you even start with this? Get a clue, for goodness sakes.

Your opinion is wrong. This is about this incident, anything else she may or may not have to deal with is an irrelevance.

Yeah... but if he'd been her fantasy dream guy, she'd of giggled and made a date with the guy. We all know this

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

I'm a little surprised to hear this from you, Suzy.

Wow

So intimidating her with invading her personal space, making her feel uncomfortable, that's ok because she's on here? I thought it was only the men that were so disrespectful.

Yeah what were you wearing OP? If it was anything less covered than a polo neck sweater and thick trousers, it's your fault and not his.

Women deserve to be treated like sex toys for men's amusement. Don't ever forget that ladies.

Do you not understand that someone explicitly suggesting they want to have sex with a work colleague, in any way at all, is completely unacceptable in the workplace? Even 'for banter'?

Your comments here beggar belief, they really do.im glad im self employed since i was 19 then..the jobs i had before that the manager himself used to slide his hand up and down my leg and as a bar maid i used to get numerous comments that i brushed off, apart from one guy you i got to his room, got him naked, while i was still dressed, looked him up and down and said, was that the best he could do, and i walked out...the first i threatened with court action if he did it to any girl ever again and the second was very polite to me after that.. i deal, i just don't think one comment makes someone a pervert.."

So because you choose to handle things in your way, everyone should?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

I'm a little surprised to hear this from you, Suzy.

Whete do you even start with this? Get a clue, for goodness sakes.

Your opinion is wrong. This is about this incident, anything else she may or may not have to deal with is an irrelevance.

Yeah... but if he'd been her fantasy dream guy, she'd of giggled and made a date with the guy. We all know this

How do you know that about me? Or, how do you think you know that?

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"Yeah... but if he'd been her fantasy dream guy, she'd of giggled and made a date with the guy. We all know this

The OP answered that several posts ago. Do keep up. Oh, and try to drag yourself out of the 1970s too.

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By *uzy444Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

I'm a little surprised to hear this from you, Suzy.

Wow

So intimidating her with invading her personal space, making her feel uncomfortable, that's ok because she's on here? I thought it was only the men that were so disrespectful.

Yeah what were you wearing OP? If it was anything less covered than a polo neck sweater and thick trousers, it's your fault and not his.

Women deserve to be treated like sex toys for men's amusement. Don't ever forget that ladies.

Do you not understand that someone explicitly suggesting they want to have sex with a work colleague, in any way at all, is completely unacceptable in the workplace? Even 'for banter'?

So because you choose to handle things in your way, everyone should?

Workplaces have Equality and Diversity training in place for a reason. Women are not at work for decoration, or as the butt of jokes Syd James would find hackneyed. We are there to work, and should be treated that way. Saying people are over reacting for using the tools put in place to stop bad behaviour is missing the point. The point was Yvaine was made to feel bad because of how someone behaved. Just because you would have reacted differently doesn't make her wrong, or you right."
i was asked for my opinion on a public forum..i gave it..running to a mummy or daddy authority figure has never been my way, the only time i ever went to management to whistle blow on someone else,who was abusing someone, i was the one who lost out on a good reference..i didn't say she was wrong...i said i wouldn't do it for a first comment. read what i said, not what you wanted to read...

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

"imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

I'm a little surprised to hear this from you, Suzy.

Wow

So intimidating her with invading her personal space, making her feel uncomfortable, that's ok because she's on here? I thought it was only the men that were so disrespectful.

Yeah what were you wearing OP? If it was anything less covered than a polo neck sweater and thick trousers, it's your fault and not his.

Women deserve to be treated like sex toys for men's amusement. Don't ever forget that ladies.

Do you not understand that someone explicitly suggesting they want to have sex with a work colleague, in any way at all, is completely unacceptable in the workplace? Even 'for banter'?

So because you choose to handle things in your way, everyone should?

i was asked for my opinion on a public forum..i gave it..running to a mummy or daddy authority figure has never been my way, the only time i ever went to management to whistle blow on someone else,who was abusing someone, i was the one who lost out on a good reference..i didn't say she was wrong...i said i wouldn't do it for a first comment. read what i said, not what you wanted to read..."

I read what you said, and I also read your later posts. I think we can infer from all your posts on here what your opinion of the OP is, but that is, of course, your prerogative.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

I'm a little surprised to hear this from you, Suzy.

Whete do you even start with this? Get a clue, for goodness sakes.

Your opinion is wrong. This is about this incident, anything else she may or may not have to deal with is an irrelevance.

Yeah... but if he'd been her fantasy dream guy, she'd of giggled and made a date with the guy. We all know this

How do you know that about me? Or, how do you think you know that?"

Trust me, I just know ok

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That's not the point anyway...

The point is you WOULN'T be whining about it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I'm choosing not to respond to Suzy's comments, as she appears to have issues with me personally, though I am grateful for those who have replied.

However, I don't needed to be wrapped in cotton wool, nor is that the worse thing that's happened in my life - not to play my

but I've been through some horrendous things which I won't discuss here, but if I had spoken out about those things and nipped them in the bud, they wouldn't have escalated - now, obviously a comment probably wouldn't lead to such things, but what I've been through has made me realise that I shouldn't have to put up with unwanted attention which makes me feel uncomfortable, so I feel empowered in seeking help.

Also, thinking that I'm weak or in the wrong for taking action when I feel uncomfortable after an inappropriate comment in the work place...? Weak would have been me not taking action and putting up with it. I refused to feel shamed for that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

I'm a little surprised to hear this from you, Suzy.

Whete do you even start with this? Get a clue, for goodness sakes.

Your opinion is wrong. This is about this incident, anything else she may or may not have to deal with is an irrelevance.

Yeah... but if he'd been her fantasy dream guy, she'd of giggled and made a date with the guy. We all know this

Do you understand what 'consent' is?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 08/07/17 15:15:25]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

I'm a little surprised to hear this from you, Suzy.

Whete do you even start with this? Get a clue, for goodness sakes.

Your opinion is wrong. This is about this incident, anything else she may or may not have to deal with is an irrelevance.

Yeah... but if he'd been her fantasy dream guy, she'd of giggled and made a date with the guy. We all know this

Do you understand what 'consent' is? "

I do. It's a common word. Medication and nap time for you maybe? Bless... x

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By *SAchickWoman over a year ago

Hillside desolate

"imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

I'm a little surprised to hear this from you, Suzy.

Whete do you even start with this? Get a clue, for goodness sakes.

Your opinion is wrong. This is about this incident, anything else she may or may not have to deal with is an irrelevance.

Yeah... but if he'd been her fantasy dream guy, she'd of giggled and made a date with the guy. We all know this

Presumably her "fantasy dream guy" wouldn't be sexually harassing people in the workplace in the first place so your point is moot

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

I'm a little surprised to hear this from you, Suzy.

Whete do you even start with this? Get a clue, for goodness sakes.

Your opinion is wrong. This is about this incident, anything else she may or may not have to deal with is an irrelevance.

Yeah... but if he'd been her fantasy dream guy, she'd of giggled and made a date with the guy. We all know this

Presumably her "fantasy dream guy" wouldn't be sexually harassing people in the workplace in the first place so your point is moot"

No that's correct - he could say the same thing and not be harassing anyone

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By *orum TrollWoman over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

"I'm choosing not to respond to Suzy's comments, as she appears to have issues with me personally, though I am grateful for those who have replied.

However, I don't needed to be wrapped in cotton wool, nor is that the worse thing that's happened in my life - not to play my

good for you, and i agree.

there's nothing wrong with reaching out for help in situations you can't handle yourself or are unsure about.

all you did 'wrong' was make yourself vulnerable on fab and some take that as a sign to attack. wish you all the best personally.

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By *uzy444Woman over a year ago

in the suffolk countryside

"I'm choosing not to respond to Suzy's comments, as she appears to have issues with me personally, though I am grateful for those who have replied.

However, I don't needed to be wrapped in cotton wool, nor is that the worse thing that's happened in my life - not to play my

i dont have anything against anyone personally,i don't even know you,so don't pretend to know me.or make me out to be something i am not.

you asked for opinions and i gave you mine..thats what we do here. i don't need to agree with you, nor, do you have to take personal offence. you can choose to ignore them, that is your right.

what you do in your life is your business..so get on with it..but if you were mortally wounded and shamed beyond your tolerance level, may your wounded mind, be healed almost instantly from the very nasty man...

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'm choosing not to respond to Suzy's comments, as she appears to have issues with me personally, though I am grateful for those who have replied.

However, I don't needed to be wrapped in cotton wool, nor is that the worse thing that's happened in my life - not to play my

good for you, and i agree.

there's nothing wrong with reaching out for help in situations you can't handle yourself or are unsure about.

all you did 'wrong' was make yourself vulnerable on fab and some take that as a sign to attack. wish you all the best personally."

Thank you

I'm not getting het up about it as it's sorted and words on a screen really don't bother me.

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By *orum TrollWoman over a year ago

•+• Access Denied •+•

"I'm choosing not to respond to Suzy's comments, as she appears to have issues with me personally, though I am grateful for those who have replied.

However, I don't needed to be wrapped in cotton wool, nor is that the worse thing that's happened in my life - not to play my

good for you, and i agree.

there's nothing wrong with reaching out for help in situations you can't handle yourself or are unsure about.

all you did 'wrong' was make yourself vulnerable on fab and some take that as a sign to attack. wish you all the best personally.

Thank you

I'm not getting het up about it as it's sorted and words on a screen really don't bother me."

no problem. i was also pleased to see you sorted this out already and some people here helped you decide to do that, and that many more support you.

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By *gnitemybodyWoman over a year ago

Onestepoutofthedoor

"I'm choosing not to respond to Suzy's comments, as she appears to have issues with me personally, though I am grateful for those who have replied.

However, I don't needed to be wrapped in cotton wool, nor is that the worse thing that's happened in my life - not to play my

good for you, and i agree.

there's nothing wrong with reaching out for help in situations you can't handle yourself or are unsure about.

all you did 'wrong' was make yourself vulnerable on fab and some take that as a sign to attack. wish you all the best personally."

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By *ecretEscapes2Woman over a year ago

worcester

"imo you are overreacting, everyone has to feel offended for something these days, it was just another way of saying you are pretty..

ffs, just say thanks and get on with your day..

if i had a penny for every comment I've heard along those lines,I'd be loaded

I don't always understand this 'sexual harassment ' stuff . . laugh at them . jeez !

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