FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > How connected are you?
How connected are you?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've found the best sex I've ever had and will ever have is if I have a connection with someone. I know I'm not alone and It's a phrase that's used in here (Fab forums) a lot. But what is that connection? Can you describe it?
I sometimes like to call it falling in lust, where you absolutely must have that person. And then ride the wave that's to follow.
But another question related to this is - when the "NSA sex" is over, why can it sometimes feel like your breaking up? Did you fall a little in love, or do you just miss something that felt good.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think there is a clear distinction between the kind of NSA sex where you aren't likely to see Ra h other again, probably don't care too much how the other person views you or even how they felt about the sex. That and the sort of sex where you want the other person to enjoy it more than you do, your emotionally invested in it? I think falling in lust is a good way to describe this.
I don't know what happens when this bit is over- haven't made it there yet lol.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can't separate that connection from wanting a relationship with that person (I wouldn't call it love, but I guess some might). And I don't want to have sex unless I have that connection.
Which is why I can't be an option. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've found the best sex I've ever had and will ever have is if I have a connection with someone. I know I'm not alone and It's a phrase that's used in here (Fab forums) a lot. But what is that connection? Can you describe it?
I sometimes like to call it falling in lust, where you absolutely must have that person. And then ride the wave that's to follow.
But another question related to this is - when the "NSA sex" is over, why can it sometimes feel like your breaking up? Did you fall a little in love, or do you just miss something that felt good.
"
ha and their be-eth the problem for many feelings do get involved  |
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"I've found the best sex I've ever had and will ever have is if I have a connection with someone. I know I'm not alone and It's a phrase that's used in here (Fab forums) a lot. But what is that connection? Can you describe it?
I sometimes like to call it falling in lust, where you absolutely must have that person. And then ride the wave that's to follow.
But another question related to this is - when the "NSA sex" is over, why can it sometimes feel like your breaking up? Did you fall a little in love, or do you just miss something that felt good.
"
Good question - because the more you open your soul the deeper the bond that forms, regardless of intent, and the more there is to tear therefore. |
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It's a mixture of chemistry and a meeting of minds I think, for instance if the person is gorgeous and the kisses set you on fire, but they are not mentally stimulating for you or worse are annoying in some way then the connection is lost and you no longer want that person - for me unless it's a quick bunk up which I rarely do - it's got to be the full package of wow!
One of my FWB I've been seeing for 10 years or so in and off and we have never lost that  he's aged quite a lot more than I have but I still want him because that connection is there |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Casual sex is an itch I scratch and nothing more "
Not a care about your feelings or their feelings?
Because I think that's what I know I need. I need to care about them or myself at the very least. If it's just an itch, I could have wank. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Great question and a tough one to answer although I'm totally with you on the there needing to be a connection for the sex to be good front.
It doesn't have to be an emotionally invested thing as in hearts and flowers, more a case of being on the same wavelength as the other person, enjoying their company, being able to talk freely and easily with them, not feeling awkward around them and more - not sure it can be completely defined.
I see any meet as stepping into a bubble where, for the time you're at that meet you're with the person you're with, but always aware of your own personal circumstances in the background - then at the end of the meet you step back out of the bubble into your 'normal' life, with an awareness of life inside the bubble pushed to the back of your mind till the next time.
As for what happens when it ends, well that's not happened to me yet - but the way I like to think it would be similar to when you step outside of the bubble after a meet - except you just have memories of your time inside it, rather than knowing you'll go back inside at some point. |
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Seriously question.
Yes I know I need a connection, I need to need that person.
When nobody else will do, its carnal a rage of frustration with a hint of vulnerability cos I like them
Again tho I connect with the baduns in real life and fab... yay me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Great question and a tough one to answer although I'm totally with you on the there needing to be a connection for the sex to be good front.
It doesn't have to be an emotionally invested thing as in hearts and flowers, more a case of being on the same wavelength as the other person, enjoying their company, being able to talk freely and easily with them, not feeling awkward around them and more - not sure it can be completely defined.
I see any meet as stepping into a bubble where, for the time you're at that meet you're with the person you're with, but always aware of your own personal circumstances in the background - then at the end of the meet you step back out of the bubble into your 'normal' life, with an awareness of life inside the bubble pushed to the back of your mind till the next time.
As for what happens when it ends, well that's not happened to me yet - but the way I like to think it would be similar to when you step outside of the bubble after a meet - except you just have memories of your time inside it, rather than knowing you'll go back inside at some point."
Very well put  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I struggle to conprehend this in nsa sex. I meet. I fuck I leave.. job done. I dont understand wanting or needing a connection for a meet.
If we talk lots and become close.. Then friends only.
Im here for fun and naughty times not emotional investment. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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I don't think it is possible to describe that connection personally. It's such a subjective thing and yes, there are words that can generalise it and make it more people friendly but it still doesn't explain it well enough. Everyone brings their own viewpoint as to what it will be and that obviously depends on their circumstances, life etc.
As to what generic language I'd shoddily apply? Erm... Probably just being in sync and comfortable. And wanting to fuck them and enjoy mental masturbation with them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's not all its cracked up to be this thing called sex....yeah it's nice and we all like a bit off it.
But at the end of the day it can ruin a good friendship.
But heyho that's life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Casual sex is an itch I scratch and nothing more
Not a care about your feelings or their feelings?
Because I think that's what I know I need. I need to care about them or myself at the very least. If it's just an itch, I could have wank. "
on this. I care that the other person fulfils the fantasy but that it matches what they want. Like with a couple. If they have never had two guys for the lady or two women on his cock. Both of us will happily indulge that and the other people and each other having a good time is paramount |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've found the best sex I've ever had and will ever have is if I have a connection with someone. I know I'm not alone and It's a phrase that's used in here (Fab forums) a lot. But what is that connection? Can you describe it?
I sometimes like to call it falling in lust, where you absolutely must have that person. And then ride the wave that's to follow.
But another question related to this is - when the "NSA sex" is over, why can it sometimes feel like your breaking up? Did you fall a little in love, or do you just miss something that felt good.
"
Yes falling in lust is one way to describe it, but it's so much more than that. I suppose it's a little bit of love thrown into the mix as the connection can be that strong. It's caring for them, how they feel, wanting to hear off them just to know you're both thinking of each other. It's a bit of a complication to what should be an easy way to have fun together.
As for it being over and the feelings after. Not experienced it so can't say but would expect it to hurt as you do invest some of yourself into it and that you can't get back x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think it is possible to describe that connection personally. It's such a subjective thing and yes, there are words that can generalise it and make it more people friendly but it still doesn't explain it well enough. Everyone brings their own viewpoint as to what it will be and that obviously depends on their circumstances, life etc.
As to what generic language I'd shoddily apply? Erm... Probably just being in sync and comfortable. And wanting to fuck them and enjoy mental masturbation with them. "
But... but... You just described it (shoddily, with generic language). From your subjective viewpoint... |
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"I don't think it is possible to describe that connection personally. It's such a subjective thing and yes, there are words that can generalise it and make it more people friendly but it still doesn't explain it well enough. Everyone brings their own viewpoint as to what it will be and that obviously depends on their circumstances, life etc.
As to what generic language I'd shoddily apply? Erm... Probably just being in sync and comfortable. And wanting to fuck them and enjoy mental masturbation with them. "
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The bubble can be beautiful.
I enjoy the connection, I like knowing the person is into me as much as I am then
Meli is right, it is difficult to describe but when you feel it it's incredible.
After though, when to leave the bubble temporarily there are many moments to smile about.
When you leave the bubble permanently you have memories and hopefully a friendship but it does hurt knowing you won't connect with that person in a intimate way again. |
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"Great question and a tough one to answer although I'm totally with you on the there needing to be a connection for the sex to be good front.
It doesn't have to be an emotionally invested thing as in hearts and flowers, more a case of being on the same wavelength as the other person, enjoying their company, being able to talk freely and easily with them, not feeling awkward around them and more - not sure it can be completely defined.
I see any meet as stepping into a bubble where, for the time you're at that meet you're with the person you're with, but always aware of your own personal circumstances in the background - then at the end of the meet you step back out of the bubble into your 'normal' life, with an awareness of life inside the bubble pushed to the back of your mind till the next time.
As for what happens when it ends, well that's not happened to me yet - but the way I like to think it would be similar to when you step outside of the bubble after a meet - except you just have memories of your time inside it, rather than knowing you'll go back inside at some point."
exactly this for me. You put it so well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Great question and a tough one to answer although I'm totally with you on the there needing to be a connection for the sex to be good front.
It doesn't have to be an emotionally invested thing as in hearts and flowers, more a case of being on the same wavelength as the other person, enjoying their company, being able to talk freely and easily with them, not feeling awkward around them and more - not sure it can be completely defined.
I see any meet as stepping into a bubble where, for the time you're at that meet you're with the person you're with, but always aware of your own personal circumstances in the background - then at the end of the meet you step back out of the bubble into your 'normal' life, with an awareness of life inside the bubble pushed to the back of your mind till the next time.
As for what happens when it ends, well that's not happened to me yet - but the way I like to think it would be similar to when you step outside of the bubble after a meet - except you just have memories of your time inside it, rather than knowing you'll go back inside at some point.exactly this for me. You put it so well"
Very well put! This for me also. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"I don't think it is possible to describe that connection personally. It's such a subjective thing and yes, there are words that can generalise it and make it more people friendly but it still doesn't explain it well enough. Everyone brings their own viewpoint as to what it will be and that obviously depends on their circumstances, life etc.
As to what generic language I'd shoddily apply? Erm... Probably just being in sync and comfortable. And wanting to fuck them and enjoy mental masturbation with them.
But... but... You just described it (shoddily, with generic language). From your subjective viewpoint... "
Yeah and I disclaimered the shit out of the description with generalised language.  I'm still not happy with it. It's like when someone asks you what love is. How do you succinctly describe something so personal and layered and get someone to interpret it and understand it the way you meant it without bringing their own views in to distort it? I don't think you can easily if at alll. |
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By *yldstyleWoman
over a year ago
A world of my own |
I'm not really able to see sex as something as casual as others can. For me its still quite a big deal for me to give myself in that way. However I'm in no way going to let myself ever want more than respect and an in the moment experience.
Thats hopefully translated as lust and a spark.
I'm lucky in that I usually have gotten to know someone a bit before anything else so there's a bit of a connection.
I suppose in someways that connection for me is a mutual and unspoken trust, respect and understanding that whatever follows is just that so its safe to enjoy it, to snuggle, to be close and to not hurt each other emotionally as a result.
I'm still pretty heart broken over someone and for now anyway I need to be able to separate an experience from reality.
Not sure that makes sense. Sorry. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Friendships come and go in life, people move on sometimes. To me, a playmate is the same. Someone with whom I enjoy their company, and sexually are compatible. Sometimes it lasts weeks, or months. When it is over, I miss the sex, but not the person. For me, this is a 'compartment' in my life, nothing more. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I'm not really able to see sex as something as casual as others can. For me its still quite a big deal for me to give myself in that way. However I'm in no way going to let myself ever want more than respect and an in the moment experience.
Thats hopefully translated as lust and a spark.
I'm lucky in that I usually have gotten to know someone a bit before anything else so there's a bit of a connection.
I suppose in someways that connection for me is a mutual and unspoken trust, respect and understanding that whatever follows is just that so its safe to enjoy it, to snuggle, to be close and to not hurt each other emotionally as a result.
I'm still pretty heart broken over someone and for now anyway I need to be able to separate an experience from reality.
Not sure that makes sense. Sorry. "
Makes a whole lot of sense and says it so much better (and in a lot fewer words!!) than I did above |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't think it is possible to describe that connection personally. It's such a subjective thing and yes, there are words that can generalise it and make it more people friendly but it still doesn't explain it well enough. Everyone brings their own viewpoint as to what it will be and that obviously depends on their circumstances, life etc.
As to what generic language I'd shoddily apply? Erm... Probably just being in sync and comfortable. And wanting to fuck them and enjoy mental masturbation with them.
But... but... You just described it (shoddily, with generic language). From your subjective viewpoint...
Yeah and I disclaimered the shit out of the description with generalised language. I'm still not happy with it. It's like when someone asks you what love is. How do you succinctly describe something so personal and layered and get someone to interpret it and understand it the way you meant it without bringing their own views in to distort it? I don't think you can easily if at alll. "
It depends who your talking to. I'm learning to be more mindful, we have two ears and one mouth for a reason. We should hear and listen to what people are saying, and that way we can understand what they say more. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think it is possible to describe that connection personally. It's such a subjective thing and yes, there are words that can generalise it and make it more people friendly but it still doesn't explain it well enough. Everyone brings their own viewpoint as to what it will be and that obviously depends on their circumstances, life etc.
As to what generic language I'd shoddily apply? Erm... Probably just being in sync and comfortable. And wanting to fuck them and enjoy mental masturbation with them.
But... but... You just described it (shoddily, with generic language). From your subjective viewpoint...
Yeah and I disclaimered the shit out of the description with generalised language. I'm still not happy with it. It's like when someone asks you what love is. How do you succinctly describe something so personal and layered and get someone to interpret it and understand it the way you meant it without bringing their own views in to distort it? I don't think you can easily if at alll. "
By utilising copious amounts of metaphors of course!
I agree that it is not always a generic thing that can be applied to all.
However, a few descriptions that have been posted above in this thread have definitely rekindled emotions for me. Probably my own thoughts filling out the details and making leaps to my own experiences (but not skewing the intent). But never the less, the words of others are able to elicit that from me. I don't believe that my understanding is different from their intention.
Although please bear in mind that I have not long woke up and haven't had coffee yet... So maybe just ignore all the above   |
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For me, well...
Hmmm this is quite hard to articulate (yep, I used a big word)
Nsa, that's what happens at clubs for me, I still need some kind of connection tho. I still need to be physically attracted to them and something about their personality must draw me in. Normally if they can make me laugh. Let's be honest, if you're about to have sex with someone you don't really know then there's a high chance something awkward may happen and i need to believe it can be laughed off and seen as part of that particular experience.
I still normally end up being friends with these people.
Meets from here: falling in lust is a perfect description for me. Ride the wave until it's run it's course. My closest friends are people I've met through here and had some kind of intimacy with.
These are the ones whom I trust completely.
Yes, there's more chance of the feels coming into play, but it's a risk I'm willing to take to form firm friendships once the sex side is over.
There are some I know who have stopped swinging, yet we are still very close as we genuinely care about each other.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally if there is no connection no desire to put the others pleasure first in all things sexual or just in ordinary day to day stuff it may as well just be a wank ...mental or physical....
It all starts in the mind that desire to know someone the need to share something more than friction waking up in a morning smiling thinking that somewhere there is another who brings joy to my life and whose life I want to make better in some way for no other reason than it will make them feel good...
It may not last forever it may get broken it may even leave a hole in the future for a period.... but without that connection that level of emotion however we describe it, then just fuck and go has a limited interest that serves the moment but essentially lacks a connection beyond the transient...and sometimes the transient is just not enough..
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"How do you succinctly describe something so personal and layered and get someone to interpret it and understand it the way you meant it without bringing their own views in to distort it? I don't think you can easily if at alll.
By utilising copious amounts of metaphors of course!
I agree that it is not always a generic thing that can be applied to all.
However, a few descriptions that have been posted above in this thread have definitely rekindled emotions for me. Probably my own thoughts filling out the details and making leaps to my own experiences (but not skewing the intent). But never the less, the words of others are able to elicit that from me. I don't believe that my understanding is different from their intention.
Although please bear in mind that I have not long woke up and haven't had coffee yet... So maybe just ignore all the above "
Coffee or not - you give good words. I think the key thing is that the words rekindled emotions, as in your own previous experiences. I'm not saying that language is a completely redundant tool ; until we can share minds it has purpose. Yes, it can evoke feelings or we can think 'hey, that resonates with me because of my experiences x, y and z'.
But unless someone has lived and experienced the same thing as you, there'll always be a difference in how you interpret subjective language - that's what I meant by difference in interpretation. It doesn't mean a deliberate attempt to skew a narrative in a bad way but a natural one that occurs.
Anyways, this is my stream of consciousness trying to explain something I can't quite put into words. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I want to find that connection..."
Yeah me too....but it's not easy and even when you do often it doesn't work for all sorts of reasons outside your own control.
Sometimes the mind and body wants what may never happen with someone who doesn't or is to afraid to escape their own barriers...
Even then to travel in hope for a future unseen is better than to simply accept the situation as it may be today..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally if there is no connection no desire to put the others pleasure first in all things sexual or just in ordinary day to day stuff it may as well just be a wank ...mental or physical....
It all starts in the mind that desire to know someone the need to share something more than friction waking up in a morning smiling thinking that somewhere there is another who brings joy to my life and whose life I want to make better in some way for no other reason than it will make them feel good...
It may not last forever it may get broken it may even leave a hole in the future for a period.... but without that connection that level of emotion however we describe it, then just fuck and go has a limited interest that serves the moment but essentially lacks a connection beyond the transient...and sometimes the transient is just not enough..
"
This |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So I've had sex with people I didn't have a connection with and those that I did. While the sex was physically enjoyable with the former it was an empty and soulless experience for me. It didn't leave me with a warm afterglow. However with those, with whom I had a real connection, I really felt they mattered to me, I was genuinely interested in them as individuals, beyond the sexual act. The difference in how I felt about sex with them was in stark contrast to the emptiness I felt without a connection. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How do you succinctly describe something so personal and layered and get someone to interpret it and understand it the way you meant it without bringing their own views in to distort it? I don't think you can easily if at alll.
By utilising copious amounts of metaphors of course!
I agree that it is not always a generic thing that can be applied to all.
However, a few descriptions that have been posted above in this thread have definitely rekindled emotions for me. Probably my own thoughts filling out the details and making leaps to my own experiences (but not skewing the intent). But never the less, the words of others are able to elicit that from me. I don't believe that my understanding is different from their intention.
Although please bear in mind that I have not long woke up and haven't had coffee yet... So maybe just ignore all the above
Coffee or not - you give good words. I think the key thing is that the words rekindled emotions, as in your own previous experiences. I'm not saying that language is a completely redundant tool ; until we can share minds it has purpose. Yes, it can evoke feelings or we can think 'hey, that resonates with me because of my experiences x, y and z'.
But unless someone has lived and experienced the same thing as you, there'll always be a difference in how you interpret subjective language - that's what I meant by difference in interpretation. It doesn't mean a deliberate attempt to skew a narrative in a bad way but a natural one that occurs.
Anyways, this is my stream of consciousness trying to explain something I can't quite put into words. "
I do believe that you have me agreeing with you in pretty much all your points there! 
Maybe it us something akin to Tribute, by Tenacious D. Trying to describe such things is like attempting to repeat the best song in the world after the moment |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Casual sex is an itch I scratch and nothing more
Not a care about your feelings or their feelings?
Because I think that's what I know I need. I need to care about them or myself at the very least. If it's just an itch, I could have wank. "
has to be an element of care or at least consideration otherwise its just selfish sex and that is usually naff |
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"How do you succinctly describe something so personal and layered and get someone to interpret it and understand it the way you meant it without bringing their own views in to distort it? I don't think you can easily if at alll.
By utilising copious amounts of metaphors of course!
I agree that it is not always a generic thing that can be applied to all.
However, a few descriptions that have been posted above in this thread have definitely rekindled emotions for me. Probably my own thoughts filling out the details and making leaps to my own experiences (but not skewing the intent). But never the less, the words of others are able to elicit that from me. I don't believe that my understanding is different from their intention.
Although please bear in mind that I have not long woke up and haven't had coffee yet... So maybe just ignore all the above
Coffee or not - you give good words. I think the key thing is that the words rekindled emotions, as in your own previous experiences. I'm not saying that language is a completely redundant tool ; until we can share minds it has purpose. Yes, it can evoke feelings or we can think 'hey, that resonates with me because of my experiences x, y and z'.
But unless someone has lived and experienced the same thing as you, there'll always be a difference in how you interpret subjective language - that's what I meant by difference in interpretation. It doesn't mean a deliberate attempt to skew a narrative in a bad way but a natural one that occurs.
Anyways, this is my stream of consciousness trying to explain something I can't quite put into words.
I do believe that you have me agreeing with you in pretty much all your points there!
Maybe it us something akin to Tribute, by Tenacious D. Trying to describe such things is like attempting to repeat the best song in the world after the moment "
Listen to your heart and it's easy to see 1 and 1 makes 2, 2 and 1 makes 3 |
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
It seems many on here confuse NSA sex with lust and others with infatuation.
Blow are our take on lust, infatuation, NSA sex and love.
Signs of lust
A total focus on a person's looks and body.
The desire in having sex, to satisfy yourself without the need to satisfy the person used for sex. A person lusting after another will talk to that person as a ploy to have sex with them rather than because of an interest in having conversations.
You'd rather keep the relationship on a fantasy level, not discuss real feelings.
You want to leave soon after sex rather than cuddling or breakfast the next morning.
You are lovers (have sex), but not friends.
Infatuation
A deep urgent intensive desire for a person seen as perfection, compounded by anxiety of being rejected which leads to high risk choices and reckless abandonment of what was once valued.
It is a glamorised ideal of love which can grow into love but more often than not is doomed to failure as the other person is never perfect.
NSA sex
Sexual desire is again top of the agenda in NSA sex but unlike lust there is normally a desire to satisfy ones partner either to enable repeat meets or to leave a good reputation of sexual prowess as that leads to meets with other sex partners.
Love
It is a commitment to each other; think about the other's feelings before acting, loyalty, confidence in each other. A willingness to make sacrifices for each other. Able to compromise so that either both win or at least give the other person's opinion a chance this requires a lot of selflessness and polite assertiveness.
Ones partner and lover is ones best friend.
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"Anyways, this is my stream of consciousness trying to explain something I can't quite put into words.
I do believe that you have me agreeing with you in pretty much all your points there!
Maybe it us something akin to Tribute, by Tenacious D. Trying to describe such things is like attempting to repeat the best song in the world after the moment "
 For that reference alone! Nah, being slightly more serious - it's nice to read you like this. Thanks for indulging and helping me work out my thoughts when they were a jumble! |
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"How do you succinctly describe something so personal and layered and get someone to interpret it and understand it the way you meant it without bringing their own views in to distort it? I don't think you can easily if at alll.
By utilising copious amounts of metaphors of course!
I agree that it is not always a generic thing that can be applied to all.
However, a few descriptions that have been posted above in this thread have definitely rekindled emotions for me. Probably my own thoughts filling out the details and making leaps to my own experiences (but not skewing the intent). But never the less, the words of others are able to elicit that from me. I don't believe that my understanding is different from their intention.
Although please bear in mind that I have not long woke up and haven't had coffee yet... So maybe just ignore all the above
Coffee or not - you give good words. I think the key thing is that the words rekindled emotions, as in your own previous experiences. I'm not saying that language is a completely redundant tool ; until we can share minds it has purpose. Yes, it can evoke feelings or we can think 'hey, that resonates with me because of my experiences x, y and z'.
But unless someone has lived and experienced the same thing as you, there'll always be a difference in how you interpret subjective language - that's what I meant by difference in interpretation. It doesn't mean a deliberate attempt to skew a narrative in a bad way but a natural one that occurs.
Anyways, this is my stream of consciousness trying to explain something I can't quite put into words.
I do believe that you have me agreeing with you in pretty much all your points there!
Maybe it us something akin to Tribute, by Tenacious D. Trying to describe such things is like attempting to repeat the best song in the world after the moment "
Not the greatest feelings in the world, these are just a tribute  |
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I can't describe the connection but without one I won't meet. I need intimacy and affection despite NSA. It's all in the mind initially and it develops from there. I care about the person and they are a friend first and foremost. Just sex isn't enough, I need a connection for it to be fulfilling, I want to feel satisfied after meeting.
I don't do one offs so it's like a NSA relationship but I'm capable of that. I can also step back and see when the sparkle is diminishing. I'm aware there have been instances of happy ever after on Fab but that isn't in my mind. I see it as transient so when it's ending I have wonderful memories to look back on and don't feel a sense of loss. We both move on but I generally maintain the friendship.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can't describe the connection but without one I won't meet. I need intimacy and affection despite NSA. It's all in the mind initially and it develops from there. I care about the person and they are a friend first and foremost. Just sex isn't enough, I need a connection for it to be fulfilling, I want to feel satisfied after meeting.
I don't do one offs so it's like a NSA relationship but I'm capable of that. I can also step back and see when the sparkle is diminishing. I'm aware there have been instances of happy ever after on Fab but that isn't in my mind. I see it as transient so when it's ending I have wonderful memories to look back on and don't feel a sense of loss. We both move on but I generally maintain the friendship.
"
What she said ^^ |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
It's difficult to describe but it's somewhere between love and lust for me. It still hurts when you have to walk away though. I know my boundaries so I think it's easier for me to just remember the memories made with people I connect with.
I don't sleep with people I don't l 'connect' with |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Anyways, this is my stream of consciousness trying to explain something I can't quite put into words.
I do believe that you have me agreeing with you in pretty much all your points there!
Maybe it us something akin to Tribute, by Tenacious D. Trying to describe such things is like attempting to repeat the best song in the world after the moment
Listen to your heart and it's easy to see 1 and 1 makes 2, 2 and 1 makes 3"
I have now had to play this and watch the vid. Twice |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Anyways, this is my stream of consciousness trying to explain something I can't quite put into words.
I do believe that you have me agreeing with you in pretty much all your points there!
Maybe it us something akin to Tribute, by Tenacious D. Trying to describe such things is like attempting to repeat the best song in the world after the moment
For that reference alone! Nah, being slightly more serious - it's nice to read you like this. Thanks for indulging and helping me work out my thoughts when they were a jumble! "
Tis a pleasure to debate with you M'lady Meli |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"How do you succinctly describe something so personal and layered and get someone to interpret it and understand it the way you meant it without bringing their own views in to distort it? I don't think you can easily if at alll.
By utilising copious amounts of metaphors of course!
I agree that it is not always a generic thing that can be applied to all.
However, a few descriptions that have been posted above in this thread have definitely rekindled emotions for me. Probably my own thoughts filling out the details and making leaps to my own experiences (but not skewing the intent). But never the less, the words of others are able to elicit that from me. I don't believe that my understanding is different from their intention.
Although please bear in mind that I have not long woke up and haven't had coffee yet... So maybe just ignore all the above
Coffee or not - you give good words. I think the key thing is that the words rekindled emotions, as in your own previous experiences. I'm not saying that language is a completely redundant tool ; until we can share minds it has purpose. Yes, it can evoke feelings or we can think 'hey, that resonates with me because of my experiences x, y and z'.
But unless someone has lived and experienced the same thing as you, there'll always be a difference in how you interpret subjective language - that's what I meant by difference in interpretation. It doesn't mean a deliberate attempt to skew a narrative in a bad way but a natural one that occurs.
Anyways, this is my stream of consciousness trying to explain something I can't quite put into words.
I do believe that you have me agreeing with you in pretty much all your points there!
Maybe it us something akin to Tribute, by Tenacious D. Trying to describe such things is like attempting to repeat the best song in the world after the moment
Not the greatest feelings in the world, these are just a tribute "
Alternative lyrics |
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"
Anyways, this is my stream of consciousness trying to explain something I can't quite put into words.
I do believe that you have me agreeing with you in pretty much all your points there!
Maybe it us something akin to Tribute, by Tenacious D. Trying to describe such things is like attempting to repeat the best song in the world after the moment
Listen to your heart and it's easy to see 1 and 1 makes 2, 2 and 1 makes 3
I have now had to play this and watch the vid. Twice "
I'm now humming this at work.
Thanks you lot |
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"How do you succinctly describe something so personal and layered and get someone to interpret it and understand it the way you meant it without bringing their own views in to distort it? I don't think you can easily if at alll.
By utilising copious amounts of metaphors of course!
I agree that it is not always a generic thing that can be applied to all.
However, a few descriptions that have been posted above in this thread have definitely rekindled emotions for me. Probably my own thoughts filling out the details and making leaps to my own experiences (but not skewing the intent). But never the less, the words of others are able to elicit that from me. I don't believe that my understanding is different from their intention.
Although please bear in mind that I have not long woke up and haven't had coffee yet... So maybe just ignore all the above
Coffee or not - you give good words. I think the key thing is that the words rekindled emotions, as in your own previous experiences. I'm not saying that language is a completely redundant tool ; until we can share minds it has purpose. Yes, it can evoke feelings or we can think 'hey, that resonates with me because of my experiences x, y and z'.
But unless someone has lived and experienced the same thing as you, there'll always be a difference in how you interpret subjective language - that's what I meant by difference in interpretation. It doesn't mean a deliberate attempt to skew a narrative in a bad way but a natural one that occurs.
Anyways, this is my stream of consciousness trying to explain something I can't quite put into words.
I do believe that you have me agreeing with you in pretty much all your points there!
Maybe it us something akin to Tribute, by Tenacious D. Trying to describe such things is like attempting to repeat the best song in the world after the moment
Not the greatest feelings in the world, these are just a tribute
Alternative lyrics "
For those who do feelings
I'm a locked box
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So I've had sex with people I didn't have a connection with and those that I did. While the sex was physically enjoyable with the former it was an empty and soulless experience for me. It didn't leave me with a warm afterglow. However with those, with whom I had a real connection, I really felt they mattered to me, I was genuinely interested in them as individuals, beyond the sexual act. The difference in how I felt about sex with them was in stark contrast to the emptiness I felt without a connection. "
I get this completely.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I can't have sex with a woman I don't have any connection with. These connections are hard to describe though (well I find they are) and they are different with different women. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've found the best sex I've ever had and will ever have is if I have a connection with someone. I know I'm not alone and It's a phrase that's used in here (Fab forums) a lot. But what is that connection? Can you describe it?
I sometimes like to call it falling in lust, where you absolutely must have that person. And then ride the wave that's to follow.
But another question related to this is - when the "NSA sex" is over, why can it sometimes feel like your breaking up? Did you fall a little in love, or do you just miss something that felt good.
"
I would even go as far as to say you can't get a full 'connection' on fab. I've met people who I've messaged day after day, shared common interests and thought about day after day, yet when we met there was something missing.
Occasionally someone may just surprise you and you know immediately they are on your wavelength.
I've only ever let someone get close to me, emotionally and physically if that connection happens. Even if that means when we meet I need to explain that I'm not ready for anything to happen.
That sounds harsh but I don't give myself fully to anyone.
Maybe that means I'm no swinger and very often I question why I'm on here.
If I had to describe that connection, no I can't. You just know. It's the way they make you feel when they talk to you, the common ground you both share... maybe even that sixth sense which guides how you feel about that other person.
And after?
For me that's a hard one to answer as I've limited experience.
I didn't feel sad as I knew they would still be in my life in some way for how ever long it lasted.
It's not love, but I know it was more than friendship. I didn't feel sad or lost. If I did then I'd know it was more than it should be.
|
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"I can't describe the connection but without one I won't meet. I need intimacy and affection despite NSA. It's all in the mind initially and it develops from there. I care about the person and they are a friend first and foremost. Just sex isn't enough, I need a connection for it to be fulfilling, I want to feel satisfied after meeting.
I don't do one offs so it's like a NSA relationship but I'm capable of that. I can also step back and see when the sparkle is diminishing. I'm aware there have been instances of happy ever after on Fab but that isn't in my mind. I see it as transient so when it's ending I have wonderful memories to look back on and don't feel a sense of loss. We both move on but I generally maintain the friendship.
"
Perfectly put Pinky
I've tried the NSA 'just for lust' thing twice and regretted it... It left me empty and unsatisfied. I need genuine affection and a good connection with someone in order to give myself to them. The deeper the connection and the more selflessly we give ourselves to each other, the better the experience becomes, a meeting of minds and souls in addition to body parts. Its a wonderful experience and one to be enjoyed to the full. While the passion may fizzle out at some point, those memories will never fade and you both have something amazing to look back on and smile about once it turns to simple friendship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My answer... summed up by Gemini Man, Meli, Wyldstyle and Indyred.
Nothing to add except I'm sorry I'm going to miss you guys at the Manchester Social...would have been a fab highlight for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My answer... summed up by Gemini Man, Meli, Wyldstyle and Indyred.
Nothing to add except I'm sorry I'm going to miss you guys at the Manchester Social...would have been a fab highlight for me."
I'm sure there'll be other times, but it would have been great to have you there too
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends how horny i am. Usually i like to get on with you, feeling that frisson of electricity etc., but sometimes you just get the urge to get rampant and if it happens to be the knobhead at the bar who keeps looking over and winking, despite having socks and sandals on, then he's getting it regardless. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My answer... summed up by Gemini Man, Meli, Wyldstyle and Indyred.
Nothing to add except I'm sorry I'm going to miss you guys at the Manchester Social...would have been a fab highlight for me.
I'm sure there'll be other times, but it would have been great to have you there too
"
Thank you. I do hope so and that particular group certainly interest me in many ways. Putting a face to the discussions and debates is always good and actually meeting is even better... as we both know. |
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